-o- CHAPTER FOUR o-


departure


The endless black sky above my islands was slowly changing hues, from the deepest midnight black toward a pink morning light. The steadily rising sun cast a faint purple glow against my sweaty skin. Another night full of runaway thoughts had made it impossible to sleep again. Around five in the morning, I gave up trying, and laced up my sneakers for a run.

I was just coming up on the East Dock, the middle point of my usual jogging route before I would loop back up the beach and hit Main Street. At the water's edge, I noticed the silhouette of a skinny teenage boy, gazing at the rising sun. At the sound of my approaching feet, he turned his head slowly, looking back at me over his shoulder. Even in the murky morning light, Sora and I recognized each other's faces without hesitation. Linked hearts, since as far back as I could remember, carried those kinds of consequences.

He smiled at me, but it seemed forced. I saw the sadness weighing down his eyes.

"You couldn't sleep either?" he said, as I slowed my jog to a halt. I stepped slowly towards him and stood beside him.

"No, I guess not," I answered with a sigh. I watched the ocean, the tide so very far out. "Too much to think about, you know? Today's a big day."

Sora nodded. "Another big journey ahead." He sounded outright morose. I couldn't stand to hear that agony in his voice. I couldn't stand to feel that there was nothing I could do for him, the same way I felt when he was off saving worlds, and I was left alone to worry about him.

The sky was brightening, golden strands of sunlight stretching out across the ripples of the ocean. I reached out and took Sora's hand. I squeezed it tight.

Sora turned and faced me. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. It's not because of you… I just didn't want to believe you, you know? I didn't understand why you wanted to fight because I was really just hoping that the fighting was over. I wanted to come home and be with you and just… be normal, again. Me and you."

His sad eyes washed over me and I felt that nervous feeling in my stomach again. He reached his hands out and placed them on my hips, drawing my body closer to his. I took a deep breath and willingly stepped into his embrace, my eyes locked with his. I was afraid. Afraid of the unknown journey ahead of us, afraid of the changes that were unfolding, afraid of the person I was becoming.

I dove forward and kissed Sora.

He seemed pleased. He kissed me back as hard as he could, tightening his grip around my waist. I liked the way it felt, kissing him as the sun rose around us. It felt comforting.

Hold me close, I thought as our lips locked. Pull me back to what I know, to what I've always known. Make me feel like I'm home again.

The moment was interrupted by a deep, low chuckle, and a single set of applause. I turned back, blushing, to see Riku approaching us with a mile-wide grin.

"It's about time!" he teased, laughing. Sora scratched the back of his head, blushing as well. "And not a moment too soon. Not a lot of alone-time on the open road, eh?"

He pointed toward the ocean, and Sora and I turned to see the roaring approach of a gummi ship on the water's edge. I felt Sora's hand, still resting on my hip, give a tight squeeze. This was it. Goodbye once more to the Islands, and onward to the unknown of monsters and battles and Darkness. It was strange, I thought, watching the gummi ship cruise toward the shore and come to a rumbling halt right in front of us. Terrified as I was, I felt just the slightest rush of elation. Before us was our destiny, and there was no turning back.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Our absence from Destiny Islands had been explained to our friends and families, in false letters produced by the king, by a lie about some type of temporary study-abroad program. How readily people swallowed easy lies, I mused somewhat darkly to myself, as I stared out the window of the gummi ship. I watched the Islands shrink into tiny yellow dots on a giant blue canvas and realized I hadn't even said goodbye to anyone.

With Chip and Dale expertly manning the cockpit, I sat with Sora and Riku in the cargo area, facing Donald and Goofy. For the first several minutes on board there was nothing but the cheerful calls of reunion, Sora and Donald and Goofy laughing and hugging again and again. They had been through so much together, I realized, they were almost like family. Donald and Goofy probably knew Sora even better than I did, at this point. They had been with him throughout the strange and pivotal adventures which would forever change him.

But beyond their jovial greetings, I felt that something was amiss. Their faces were tired, and their hands were badly weathered. Donald did most of the talking, as usual, but he lacked his usual attitude. Goofy never seemed to look anyone directly in the eye.

"Maleficent's up to no good again," Donald huffed, once the niceties and greetings subsided and the three of us were barraging him with questions. "She's taken over the Castle That Never Was, and using all those Heartless that were left behind when Xehanort's artificial Kingdom Hearts was destroyed to build an army."

"An army of Heartless?" Sora repeated, furrowing his brow.

Donald nodded. "And she's doing a hell of a job with it, too…"

"Gawrsh, Donald, watch your mouth…" Goofy scolded.

"Aw, phooey! There's no time for sugarcoating. Maleficent's grown powerful and she's done it surprisingly quickly. We should have been here to get you weeks ago, but Maleficent's taken complete control over the Corridors of Darkness. Warp drive is useless; she's got sentinels in every corner of hyperspace. We can only travel the old-fashioned way, one world at a time, and it's dangerous."

"So what's next, then?" said Riku. "What's our strategy?"

Donald paused for a moment and held his breath. He turned towards Goofy. Their eyes met for a moment and Goofy frowned.

"What is it?" Sora prodded, observing Donald and Goofy's faces anxiously. "Spit it out."

"We don't…" Donald began, and then started again. "We can't tell you just yet. Um, world order, you know. We have a few more people to meet up with, and then we're going straight to Disney Castle so the King can brief everyone all at once."

Sora nodded easily, taking Donald's caution without question. Riku and I exchanged a glance. It was obvious that Donald was hiding something, and for Sora at least, it seemed obvious why. Again I found myself wondering, was hiding the truth the same thing as lying?

-o-o-o-

That night, lying on a rigid bunk bed in the back of the gummi ship, surrounded by the low, heavy snores of Riku and Sora, I couldn't sleep. I took slow, quiet breaths as I listened to the rumbling noises of interspace whirring outside our ship. Other worlds, I mused. It was still such a strange and incredible notion.

Bathing in my restlessness, I started thinking about the last time I had wandered from Destiny Islands. Fearing Axel and burning with curiosity, I had stepped through the black portal that had appeared on my beach. I had thought of it, at first, as simply a door. But a portal of Darkness isn't something you walk into, and then walk out of somewhere new. Darkness is a place. Darkness has its own corridors, outside the living world. You don't move the way you move in a physical realm; you can't feel your body, but you can feel something. Bodiless, you wander, and you feel, and you find your way.

I remembered with a shudder the way the Darkness had swallowed me the first time the Door opened, when Sora went on his first great adventure. From the moment I touched the door to moment I awoke again in Hollow Bastion, I have no memories. Another blank space in my life, just like my childhood. Later, I would be told by others that my heart had stayed safe inside Sora, while the rest of me was swallowed and Naminé was born from my Darkness. But for my own personal memories, all I had was the emptiness.

I flopped over onto my side, sighing in restless frustration and punching the pillows. I was so sick of thinking. So sick of lying in bed unable to sleep, asking myself more questions only to come up with more blanks. I wanted answers.

I hoped this journey would take me to those answers.

-o-o-o-

Sleep didn't last long. The most my dreams could keep me occupied was three hours, and I found myself wide awake again, tossing and turning. I crawled out of my bunk and tiptoed past Sora and Riku, who were still snoring. I was hoping to find something to drink or snack in the cargo bay, but my search was stopped short when I heard the sound of soft, mournful sobs. Through the dim lighting, I saw Goofy's long, lanky silhouette hunched over as he sat on a box of supplies, face buried in his enormous gloved hands. It was a startling sight. The dissonance of this dreary image with my idea of Goofy as unfalteringly cheerful was so glaring that I nearly felt the urge to turn away, and pretend I had never even seen it.

"Goofy?" I said cautiously. I was afraid my voice might shatter the fragile moment. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

The old dog snapped quickly to attention and wiped away his tears. He smiled weakly at me with his droopy puppy lips. "Oh, sorry to wake ya, Kairi," he said quietly. "I'm alright. Just got things on my mind, is all."

I sat beside him. "It's fine. You didn't wake me. I've had a hard time sleeping lately." He nodded and silence closed in on us. I coughed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Goofy sighed, and fidgeted a little. He wore the same uneasy expression he'd had while Donald was briefing us on all of Maleficent's developments… like he was desperately holding something in.

"I was thinking about my boy, Max," he said at last. I could see him fighting tears again.

"I didn't know you had a son." I reached out and clasped Goofy's large hand with my own, trying to soothe him. "How old is he?"

Goofy chuckled softly. "He's almost nineteen now, real grown up. Can't believe how fast he's grown up. O' course, I haven't been around so much the past two years."

I nodded. "Do you miss him?"

"More than anything. I've always got him in my mind and in my heart when we've been out fighting, but part of the reason I fight is so that my Maxey can be safe. But now… well, things are different now."

"What things?"

"The King's always wanted to protect people from the Darkness, and he's done all he can to make it so that while we're out there fighting, people don't know that their worlds are falling apart. That's what World Order is for. But Maleficent's army is too strong this time. King Mickey has to build his own army, bigger than just the royal guard or the Keyblade Bearers or even the Restoration Committee. He's calling out to ordinary citizens to join the military and fight the Heartless."

"Wow… I guess that's a pretty big deal."

Goofy nodded. He held his breath for a moment. And then, "Max enlisted."

"Your son? He enlisted in Mickey's army?"

"He was one of the first in Disney Town to sign up. He couldn't wait… I tried to tell him he didn't realize how dangerous things were, but he thinks it's the right thing to do. I guess it is, I just… I never wanted him to have to fight. He's my son; I'm supposed to be able to protect him. But out there, my protection only means so much."

I could feel his fingers tremble in mine. My heart was pounding and my stomach was churning because I couldn't think of anything I could possibly say to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, that everyone would be okay, but I couldn't find the strength in me to lie like that. What did I know about war and death? How I could say for certain that everything would be okay? I was just a kid. Goofy was sitting here fearing for the life of his son, and I had nothing better to say than, I guess that's a pretty big deal.

It was only when I felt his hand and saw his tears did I first comprehend the legitimate reasons I had to be afraid on this journey. For a fleeting moment of clarity, I could understand why the thought of me fighting scared Sora so much. He had seen the things I hadn't. Sora and his Keyblade had been the vanguard, sheltering me from knowing about so many terrible things.

I thought of Selphie and Tidus and my other friends back home, oblivious to all this. For all they knew, we were off having a carefree time at another high school. They'd probably be expecting postcards. They probably thought they'd be seeing us for Christmas break. They had no idea of the great Darkness that was swallowing worlds. What would become of the helpless home I'd left behind? What if it came for them, before we were able to stop it? What if we weren't able to stop it?

I squeezed Goofy's hand and we sat in the dark, my heart pounding with new fears.