AN: trying to be semi-consistent with updating now. No promises though. Chapters will be short.
EL James owns all. I am simply borrowing.
Never Know Pain – Chapter 7
APOV
I wake up around 3am, nothing new for me, and can't fall back asleep. My mind is full of too many thoughts and one too many people. I grab my laptop off my desk and settle back into bed, clicking on my email to load new messages, but there's nothing there. I catch sight of the email I sent Kate earlier today and before I know what I'm doing, I'm opening the interview audio file. I plug in my noise cancelling headphones and, after a few moments of almost chickening out, I press play.
God damn his voice is silky smooth.
I roll my eyes at myself and try to focus on the actual words being spoken, rather than the speakers themselves – trying to figure out a little more about this enigmatic man who seems to be consuming my thoughts more than I'd like.
Oh come on, you don't really mind him being in your head. You certainly wouldn't mind it if he were to be in other places…
I have to pause the recording for a moment just to compose myself again. I feel so out of control right now. I've never thought about someone this way before. Never fantasized about it in even a fictional setting. Why daydream about something you know you're never going to have? Why be a romantic if romance will never be in the cards?
I decide to distance myself from all things Christian Grey and instead finish up my senior thesis for my business administration degree. I'm double majoring in business admin and literature. I really just wanted to do literature when I started school but I also know that there's not many jobs for a literature grad that will even support me being able to buy groceries, much less pay half the rent for a Seattle apartment so I added another major that seemed more practical, even if I found it boring. Fortunately, as I continued in my business classes, I've found that I really enjoy it. Running a company was never something that was really on my radar, but I think it would give me a leg up when applying to publishing houses because I could always work for their finance department or PR and then transition into editing when the time is right.
I finish my final touches in an hour or so. I didn't really need to do them, since I've already edited this paper more times than I can count, but I just wanted to get lost in something other than grey eyes and a smooth voice.
Trying to find something else to do to occupy my mind, I start packing away items in my room that I know I won't need before Kate and I move to Seattle in a few weeks. The only issue with trying to distract myself with packing is that I'd actually need stuff to pack. I'm a minimalist in most ways and I'm done with my packing prep in 20 minutes. I decide to look at the job boards again to see if there's any new postings in the publishing world. I have a message waiting for me on one of the websites from a recruiter based on the east coast that I've been in contact with. She says she's able to get me an interview for an accounting job in a Fortune 500 company in Seattle. Unfortunately, she can't tell me which company it is until I've gone through the interview process.
What if it's for Amazon? Or Microsoft? Get a couple years under your belt at some place like that and you'll have your pick of the litter when it comes to any job, even publishing.
I quickly message her back that I'd love to be considered for the position. I'm about to apply to a new job posting for an editor's assistant at Seattle Independent Publishing, but I stop short, recognizing the name somewhere. I go into my old research and type in the company name to see what I've gathered on them so far and sure enough, I find the data I was looking for. I keep tabs on the employment numbers for the major publishing houses I'm looking at and SIP had a red flag on it when it came to a Mr. Jack Hyde. I've seen him post for junior editors 5 times in the last year, which means that either they're all mysteriously dying, or, more likely, that he's sexually harassing them and then threatening to blackball them if they press charges. Asshole. It honestly wouldn't be that hard to ruin someone's career in publishing if they're just starting out, it's a small community and news travels fast if you want it to. I apply for the job anyways, just to get a feel for the company itself. If the position ends up being for Hyde, I'll just decline the job if they offer it. No shame in doing as many interviews as I can to improve my chances and skills.
Yea, I'd say you need A LOT of practice when it comes to interviewing people. Your last one didn't work out so well…
I sigh at myself and argue that the GEH interview was different because I wasn't interviewing for a job. And then, just as I'm making my point, I realize that it doesn't matter because I'm literally sitting at my desk arguing with myself. In the dark. Like a psychopath.
My computer pings, alerting me to new emails. I click onto the program and sift through the junk emails that always seem to make their way into my inbox, an email from the recruiter I just talked to with a confirmation of my job interview, a few pictures from my mom of the new candles she made (since when did she start making candles?), and one from none other than Christian Grey.
Shit. Just when I was starting to get distracted by mom's new candle obsession, he has to appear again.
Wait, how did he get my email address? I thought his email to Kate was about me emailing him, not the other way around. Stalker.
I click on the email, no point in delaying the inevitable.
To: Anastasia Steele
From: Christian Grey
Time: 5:05am
Subject: Missing Something?
Miss Steele,
It seems you forgot your jacket at my office yesterday morning. If you'd provide your home address, I can courier it to you.
Unless you'd rather pick it up in person.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Unless I'd rather pick it up in person?
What the hell does that mean? He's well aware of where I go to school, which means he has some general understanding of where I live. He doesn't actually think I'm going to drive 3 hours to Seattle just to pick up my $20 jacket from Walmart, right? Then why say that? He's so frustrating! And how the hell did he get my email?!
CEO of a bigshot company with more money than sense? Probably orders background checks on everyone he passes on the street. Remember how much he likes control… and how pleasurable he thinks you'd find it…
"Shut up!" I yell at myself, realizing a second too late that I said it out loud. I quickly get off my bed and open my door, checking to make sure I haven't woken Kate. Nothing but silence coming from her room so I think I'm in the clear. Thanking my lucky stars that my outburst didn't disturb sleeping beauty, I go back to my laptop and hit 'reply.'
To: Christian Grey
From: Anastasia Steele
Time: 5:25am
Subject: USPS Is Very Reliable
Mr. Grey,
Thank you for your email. I do like that jacket quite a bit. Unfortunately, seeing as I live in Portland, and seeing as I don't plan to be in Seattle soon, I think it would be a tad out of my way if I were to come pick it up in person. The mail is preferred. Please send it to the address you have on file from the background check you ordered on me. Thank you.
Have a pleasant day,
Anastasia Steele
I hit send quickly, not giving myself any time to overthink my snarky comments.
Way to be a jerk to someone who's trying to be nice to you.
Except he wasn't being nice. Not really. He made a quip about me coming all the way down to Seattle to pick up a jacket, as if my time isn't valuable. And he got my email without my permission! No, definitely not nice.
He did send those interview answers to Kate though. That's pretty nice of him. He didn't have to do that, he didn't even have to contact you at all. He could've just sent you your jacket without discussing it with you.
So why did he email me? It makes more sense to just send me the jacket. It's not like I would have replied to his email with a "oh no, don't worry about it. Just trash the jacket, I don't care." So why contact me? Why make the effort? A ping from my computer alerts me to a new message.
To: Anastasia Steele
From: Christian Grey
Time: 5:30am
Subject: RE: USPS Is Very Reliable
Miss Steele,
I suggested picking it up in person because I happen to have it on good authority that you'll be in Seattle next Tuesday.
Background checks are standard for everyone who steps foot into GEH.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
See?! He was being nice! Background checks are standard. You need to apologize for being such an ass. But why would he think you'll be in Seattle next Tuesday?
I seriously have no clue why he thinks I'll be there. He must be confused. I mean, if he's emailing me at 5am, he probably doesn't sleep much either. Must be exhaustion messing with his head. I hit 'reply.'
To: Christian Grey
From: Anastasia Steele
Time: 5:34am
Subject: Miscommunication
Mr. Grey,
I apologize for my rudeness concerning the background check. I'm not a fan of others knowing my private affairs. I'm sure you can relate to that.
I believe you've been misinformed when it comes to my travel plans. While I am moving to Seattle next month, I do not intend to be there next week. Who's "good authority" was it that lead you to believe otherwise?
Anastasia Steele
I'm not sure why I told him I was moving next month. It's not like he asked for personal tidbits about my life. But something tells me he'd want to know.
Is that "something" your newly awakened libido?
I shush my subconscious and distract myself by opening my curtains and watching the sunrise. It's breathtaking every time I see it. It makes involuntarily waking up before the crack of dawn completely worth it.
You know what else would be completely worth it? Driving down to Seattle to see Mr. Sexy Sex God in person again.
For once, I don't try to quiet my wandering thoughts. Instead, I let the fantasy take shape in my mind. Seeing him again. Him personally handing me my jacket back. Then casually asking me on a date. I'd obviously decline, because even in a fantasy, that's just ridiculous.
Is it that ridiculous though? Why would he be emailing you back and forth like this at 5am if he didn't at least want to get to know you? He doesn't seem like the type of person to go out of his way for people he isn't interested in.
Another computer ping breaks me out of my thoughts.
To: Anastasia Steele
From: Christian Grey
Time: 5:39am
Subject: Accounting
Miss Steele,
No apology necessary, I understand quite well. A Ms. Bramstead of Creative Corporate Staffing Solutions informed me of your plans early this morning.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
And now the fantasy is dead. My accounting interview is for GEH?!
CPOV
Now that I've made the decision to make Anastasia mine, I just need a plan.
And a fighting chance. You don't have either, by the way.
I sigh and ignore my self-deprecating thoughts for just a moment. I grab my phone from the bedside table to turn off my alarm, still reveling in my restful night's sleep. I open my email program, just to get a sense of what the day will bring. I'm hoping that it's not much so I can focus on my plan to get to Anastasia, it is Saturday after all. I open an email from a staffing company we've outsourced to in the past for our east coast offices. They've always done excellent work so I asked them to do me a favor and expand their contacts to the Seattle area to try and find me someone to fill a vacancy in GEH's executive accounting department. The west coast based firms that we usually use have been bringing us the shit candidates and I'm done with their incompetence. Looks like they've found someone.
It's about time. I needed that position filled weeks ago. There just hasn't been anyone I'm comfortable with yet. They're all missing that fire, that drive.
To: Christian Grey; Roslyn Bailey; Fredrick Marlow
CC: Andrew Welch
From: Mikaela Bramstead
Time: 4:10am
Subject: Exec. Accountant Candidate
Attached is the resume of Miss Anastasia Steele, a soon-to-be graduate of WSUV's impeccable Carson Business School. I've spoken to her before and she is exceptionally bright, extremely thorough, and her junior year's thesis speaks for itself. I have attached an excerpt of that as well, if you're inclined to look through it. It details the program she built for delving into large-scale corporate finance models and assessing metrics for risk in a much more comprehensive manner than the systems any company, including GEH, currently uses.
I've input the information into the interview scheduling program for GEH, she will be meeting with Mr. Marlow next Tuesday, May 14, at 9:45am. If all goes well, her secondary interview will be directly after, with Mr. Grey and Ms. Bailey at 11:00am.
Regards,
Mikaela Bramstead
Senior Recruiter, Creative Corporate Staffing Solutions
Fuck me. She's more brilliant than I thought. I just sit there in bed, staring at my phone in awe, silently thanking the heavens that they've found a way to bring Miss Steele back into my life.
But you don't fuck the staff. And she isn't even interested in you. If she was, she would have emailed you by now. You already received a thank you email from the reporter, she knows the ball is in her court. Of course, you could always just email her first, since you have her email address from the background check.
No. I don't want to appear as overly-controlling. She already called me a control freak after speaking with me for less than 5 minutes. I doubt contacting her without having been given her contact information will bode well for my chances.
What chances, Grey? You think this angel of a woman is even going to think twice about you? You're a fucked-up son of a bitch, you hold no appeal to a woman like her.
I decide to ignore that thought and instead close my eyes and focus on the deep breathing that Flynn's always rambling on about. It might have sounded ridiculous to me at first, but I've got to admit that it does kind of help, though I haven't told him that yet. Smug bastard would be so pleased.
After a few moments of breathing, I continue scrolling through my emails. I stop on an email from Katherine Kavanagh. If she's emailing me asking for more interview fodder, she's done. I already went out of my way to email her my answers to those inane questions, I'm not helping her any more.
To: Christian Grey
From: Katherine Kavanagh
Time: 10:58pm
Subject: Contact
Mr. Grey,
Thank you again for answering my questions, I really do appreciate it.
Attached is Ana's contact info, but I didn't give it to you… She just needs a little push.
Sincerely,
Katherine Kavanagh
Editor-in-Chief, WSUV Times
AN: review and let me know what you're all thinking so far. xx
