This chapter was supposed to be finished and published in March, but the global situation that has occurred due to the virus affected me a lot and I felt a lot of anger, impotence and sadness, so I didn't have room in my head to think about writing fics. And no, it's not rage against the virus itself...
Thank you very much for your patience and I hope that all of you, including your families, friends and acquaintances, are doing well.
Once again, big thanks to Selena for helping me out by proofreading the English version of Lawless~
LAWLESS
Chapter 15. Novelty
Mikasa woke up in an almost total darkness. Her aching stomach twisted, demanding food to quench the many hours of accumulated hunger. She felt a weight on her shoulders when she tried to move. It was an arm. Her stomach fluttered and her heart leaped as she was pressed against a warm and comfortable male torso, unleashing a familiar surge of musky fragrance that flooded her senses. She then realized she had been sleeping with half her body on top of Eren, who was sleeping on his back on the couch they both shared. Static, Mikasa kept her head resting against his rising and falling chest in a rhythmic breath. She closed her eyes for a few moments and focused on the quiet heartbeats that didn't belong to her.
With great care and feeling that at any moment she would die of embarrassment from the position she was in, Mikasa removed the leg that, she had no idea when, had ended up on Eren's legs. She got heated up quickly and did what she could to keep her labored breathing from being too loud, fearing the sound of it would wake him up. She glanced past Eren's dark chest to distract herself a bit. Some small and dying scattered embers casted a faint orange glow from the fireplace.
What time was it? At what time had they fallen asleep? Her head felt a little dull and her eyelids, puffy.
It wasn't raining anymore, or at least it wasn't raining hard enough for it to be audible. The wind didn't swarm.
She tried to push herself up with the hand in contact with the couch, but Eren tightened his arm around her again, clung to her and growled in the middle of his sleep. Mikasa opened her eyes wide and held her breath as Eren's hand lazily and phlegmatically slid from her shoulders, down her back and stopped on her last ribs, as he settled into the little space they had and put his other arm on her, hugging her. Now his exhalation was tickling her forehead and Mikasa was short of breath. She was short of breath not only because Eren had her trapped and girded against him almost desperately, but also because her entire body was exalted at his proximity. The basic survival instinct told her to run away, as if it thought she was facing a life or death situation due to the reaction of her body and her restlessness, and yet her willpower and the necessary physical strength was failing her in order to undertake that flight.
If it were any other person none of this would be so complicated, but Mikasa didn't know what to do, because the boy she liked was sleeping next to her, with her, and hugged her with the confidence and eagerness of those who are used to hugging a lover. Or at least that's what Mikasa imagined, and everything that it implied was overwhelming. Her already aching, pounding, and confused heart was simply incapable of enduring so many emotions in such a brief period of time. Perhaps under other circumstances she would accept what was going on, she would let herself go and even allow herself to enjoy it, but right now she couldn't do any of it. Furthermore, Eren wasn't even acting consciously. He could be dreaming that he was embracing someone else, so eagerly and intimately, not her... That possibility caused an inevitable stab in her chest, a sensation that somehow helped her out of her embarrassment.
Regaining a little of her composure, Mikasa thought of crawling down to slip her shoulders and head out from between one of Eren's arms but, realizing the compromising position in which she might end up while going down, she preferred to start by carefully removing his heavy arms from on top of her with a flustered expression. Eren groaned again and she could almost make out his frown in the dark.
"Mm no... don't go," he grumbled asleep.
Eren put an arm around her waist, rested the other one on her back and turned around with her, crushing her between him and the back of the couch. Now Mikasa could feel his hot, wet breath on her earlobe and part of her neck, which caused a wave of chills of a very different nature from those that that cabin had caused her the day before. She sealed her eyelids and let out a heavy sigh, feeling like she was going to pass out at any moment. Between her general weakness, shortness of breath, hunger and the novelty of the situation, passing out seemed to her a much better option than ending up dying of a heart attack. Maybe later she could even continue sleeping and pretend that nothing weird, apart from her heartbroken cries the previous day, had happened while they were in that place.
Her stomach groaned again, this time so loud that if Eren had been awake he would not only have heard it, but might even have felt the vibration against his own abdomen. That's how tight they were against each other. Mikasa stirred nervously as Eren did the same.
"Hm? ... hmm?" Eren straightened his head and moved away from Mikasa a little. "What was... that? What…?"
She swallowed hard. Having managed to wake him up like that was pretty embarrassing, and besides all of that he was still hugging her.
"It was me," she admitted in a thin voice, half hiding herself in Eren's chest. Although she was sure it was impossible, she was terrified by the idea of her face shining like a red lantern in the dark and revealing everything she felt, not just the mortification her dramatic stomach had caused her. "I-I'm hungry…"
She brushed the scarf that Eren had lent her with her fingers and used it to cover herself up to her nose. It smelled like him. It smelled so much like him that Mikasa couldn't help but blush even more. Eren seemed to notice the position they were in because, little by little, almost reluctantly and very delicately, he started to release her and move away for her to get her personal space back. She was too hot to perceive the cold in the room that crept between the two of them once they were apart, sitting on either end of the purple sofa.
She heard him take a deep breath and clear his throat a short time later.
"Sorry," Eren said hoarsely, rubbing his neck.
Mikasa's eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness and she could see or guess some close movements. This led her to fix her skirt, even though she wore thick stockings underneath.
"A-all is fine," she managed to say.
After a moment of silence, she saw Eren get up, fix his clothes and take unsure steps that made the floor creak towards somewhere in the dark room. He found the oil lamp and lit it, then took the leather backpack in which the food had been stored and placed it in the middle of the couch.
"Do you want something sweet or salty?" He asked her, leaving the lamp on the floor and rummaging through the food while he seemed to consciously avoid her gaze.
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Eren found himself thinking about the day he met Sasha and Connie, the rowdy teens who peppered him with questions and awkward assumptions about his relationship with Mikasa. Back then Sasha asked him if Mikasa preferred sweet or salty things, which to him had seemed insignificant and quite harmless compared to the other questions related to kisses, marriages and children. However, now he understood that it was an interesting and even important fact to keep in mind when what you want is to know a person better.
If Sasha were there, Eren would reply to her that Mikasa definitely preferred sweet things. The first thing she had eaten was chocolate bread, then a piece of actual chocolate and a few thin butter cookies filled with raspberry jam. As he boiled water in the revamped chimney fire, he watched her eat a ham sandwich. He had also eaten something, but more than anything he devoted himself to observe the girl carefully. He noticed that Mikasa's eyelids were slightly less swollen, her face had regained color, and her energy level seemed to be increasing. Though she still looked a bit languid in her movements, she gave the impression she was doing better than yesterday, otherwise she wouldn't be feeding herself with so much urge. Eren knew very well that sadness affected appetite and many times it didn't allow anyone to feel like trying a bite.
He removed the small kettle from the fire using a glove before its beep was heard, setting it aside for a few moments. His muscles were a little stiff and sore from sleeping on the not-so-comfortable couch. He moved his neck from side to side, stretched his arms and back, moved and rotated his shoulders before pouring tea into two metal cups.
"Did you sleep well?" He asked Mikasa once he handed her one of the steaming cups. "I mean, despite everything and that..." feeling somewhat self-conscious, he put a hand on the back of his neck and pretended to massage it, "that I was... kind of crushing you."
The only thing Eren regretted was to crush her a little, in case that had hurt her. Even while asleep, his intention had been for Mikasa to not feel lonely or cold, although, on the other hand, he had also wanted to have her as close to him as possible. If he was completely honest with himself, he had no qualms recognizing that the sensation of having her in his arms, merging with her body heat, with her aroma and softness was one of the most pleasant things he had experienced in his life. In fact, right now it wasn't hard for him to admit he needed and wanted more of it. It may have been a while since he expected Mikasa to begin to feel closer and comfortable with him, but now he was also aware of the hope for her to also want his proximity, that she felt protected and cared for by his presence, emotionally speaking at least.
He wondered if feeling, wanting, and expecting all this was part of being in love with someone.
"I think I slept well," replied Mikasa in a low voice, avoiding to meet his eyes. Eren felt a bit of disappointment when she did that. "It's as if I slept soundly for many hours. I feel... I don't know, rested. What... what about you?"
"That's good... Me too," Eren nodded with a small smile. He looked for his pocket watch. "It seems we slept a lot. It's only six in the morning and I'm sure we fell asleep before it was even nine."
That 'we fell asleep' sounded good, maybe too good. The implication of a 'we' took a different, greater and hopeful weight. He had shared a bed with Mikasa a few days ago, but never before had they laid down in the same place and really slept together, in the sense of being so close and hugging as a real couple. Eren stared past the chimney fire, puzzled by his thoughts and wishes for the third or fourth time in less than twenty-four hours. In a way, he still felt stunned and stupid, and he didn't like feeling particularly stunned and stupid much. It was a state vaguely similar to being very drunk, at which point the brain stopped working normally and above all, properly. If being in love was almost like being drunk, perhaps Eren wasn't quite sure he wanted to be like that… While at least one could choose between drinking and not drinking, it seemed that falling in love didn't involve any conscious choice.
Restless, heavy footsteps thundered on the wooden floor. A huff and whinny from the kitchen made Eren and Mikasa look at each other with a similar grimace, as they had both completely forgotten about the horse. The poor animal must have had enough of being locked up in that place, that or it had just woken up.
"I'm going to get him out, he needs to get some fresh air," and Eren needed it to clear his mind, too. He picked up some ropes and the leather reins lying on the floor.
Mikasa got up at almost the same time to look for a skin of water and the bruised pot in which Magnus had been given a drink the day before. She followed Eren silently. The two winced and pinched their noses as soon as Eren opened the kitchen door.
"Pfff! Smells like shit," he complained before getting inside. It looked like the horse had just taken a crap in there. Dodging the pile of fresh feces and holding his breath, Eren stroked the horse along the nose and hooked the reins. "Good. Come on, Magnus. Let's get out of this stinky place. Good boy."
The heat that had built up inside the cabin quickly dissipated as soon as the front door was opened. Outside, the wind was rough and the typical humidity after a rainy night was perceived. According to Eren, Magnus seemed content and widened his nostrils in order to get the stench of his own poop out before grazing. Mikasa put the pot of water beside the horse, patting it on the neck as Eren tied it to a log and took a look around. The sky was beginning to clear. It was an hour or less before dawn.
"I'll go around the corner for a bit and come back," she said with some urgency.
When Eren turned to see her, she was already quickly walking away, so he quickened his pace to catch up with her.
"What? Wait, don't go alone. It's still dark."
She looked at him as if he had just spoken in another language.
"I have to go alone," she said emphatically. "I won't take long."
Eren shook his head and continued to walk behind her.
"Why? Where are you going?"
"Eren... seriously, stop following me," Mikasa seemed embarrassed, although then she pursed her lips as if she was holding back a laugh. "I need to go to the toilet, I'm about to pee myself!"
"Oh..." that way it was more than clear to him. "Yeah, for that you have to go alone."
Mikasa nodded and covered half of her face with the red scarf that Eren had wrapped around her the night before. She disappeared around a corner as he turned and ran a hand over his face, what a nonsense to have insisted on accompanying her when she only needed to relieve her bladder. Lesson learned for the next time. He let out a sigh. He had been a fool, anyone else would have noticed.
When he got back in the cabin, he grabbed his bag and went out to wash his hands, face, and teeth. He ran his wet fingers through his hair like a comb. Mikasa did the same when she returned, only with much more grace and elegance. Her silky hair wound slightly in the wind as her slender hands ran over her face, her skin resembling porcelain. She looked something like a forest nymph wearing ordinary clothes to pose as human, and yet her dignified bearing, beauty and mysterious air betrayed her.
In one of the many books Eren had read as a child, some nymphs kidnapped the young mortals they had fallen in love with. He remembered perfectly well that, back then, he thought it must be quite annoying that a crazy magical creature fell in love with him and kidnapped him out of nowhere. The irony of life caused him to get kidnapped a couple of years later by Kenny Ackerman, who definitely wasn't a nymph and much less was in love with him, although he was crazy. Very crazy. Then, less than a decade later, Mikasa Ackerman kidnapped him, who, if those stories were true, could undoubtedly be a magical creature... and a little crazy in her own way, but who hadn't kidnapped him because she was in love with him.
Eren the brat would be surprised and even disgusted with Eren the adult for coming up with nonsense like, in a way, right now it was almost disappointing that the beautiful crazy nymph didn't kidnap him with romantic intentions. At the same time, a troubled and frowning adult Eren was convinced much of his brain had rotted, for there was little else that could explain the presence of such ridiculous associations. The damage was done and, for the worse, it was apparently irreversible. The young doctor shook his head, as if the sudden movement could help cut off the flow of nonsense. There were so many more things he should be thinking about and that he had neglected by focusing so much on one person. Of course, being here with Mikasa while she needed moral support justified that he focused more on her than on other things to some degree .
And despite his own mental reprimands, deep down he was also aware it wasn't so stupid or absurd to imagine or wish that Mikasa wanted him in the same way... That thinking of someone in the way he was doing was just something human. In this regard, the good news was that there would be nothing more to pretend about, at least on his part, to make the tale that involved them both more credible.
Eren felt a slight pang in his chest and threw a downcast look at the protagonist of his ramblings, who was saddling the horse.
Yes, it would be good not to have to pretend, although sadly no one said it would be easy.
"Are you ready to go?" he asked while helping her adjust one of the straps.
She took a deep breath and glanced in the direction of her parents' grave, a kilometer away.
"I am..." although taciturn, the inflection of her voice was firm. "There's nothing left for me here."
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They heard the distant howling of a wolf as they went through the damp grove on the way back to Shiganshina. Eren slowed the gallop of the horse and Mikasa pressed herself against his back, examining the surroundings. Rather than thoughtlessly fearing them, their parents had taught her to respect, admire, and learn from wolves, for they were highly intelligent animals who worked as a team to survive and make their packs thrive. Since they lived nearby and shared part of the territory with these beautiful animals, as a family they used to look for and be alert to any sign that they had come too close to their cabin, in order to protect themselves in case it was necessary. Sometimes Mikasa heard her parents shoot shots in the air to scare and keep predators away, but there was an occasion when her father came face to face with a wolf anyway. The animal had appeared a few meters from the cabin and the man had no choice but to kill it; the poor wolf was old, famished, sick and probably also deaf, because it hadn't even reacted to the roar of the shots or to the screams uttered by the human whom it continued to approach with a lost and hungry expression. Finally, its skin became part of her father's winter clothing, which he wore every time he went hunting.
"That howl sounded very sad," Eren murmured as they left the grove.
Mikasa turned her head slightly to take one last look at the handful of trees they had just left behind. She had done the same thing while outside the crumbling cabin in which they spent the night, from where she gave a last glance at the pile of stones that in the distance only looked like that; a simple pile of stones, and yet they were much more than that. The mound indicated the place under which rested the remains of people she loved and who were once her only family. Her first pack.
Though she would never forget that place, much less forget what was hidden under those kilos of earth and stones, Mikasa was aware there was no point in desperately clinging to a past that was impossible to change. Her parents were dead and her old home no longer existed and, as much as it pained her, she was barely beginning to accept that this was the harsh reality.
"Perhaps she feels lonely," she said in a whisper. The sound of that heartrending howl reverberated in her mind.
"Do you think it was a she-wolf?"
"I think so..." Mikasa affirmed. "But we'll never know if I am right."
They'll never know because they would never come back there. With her heart in a fist, Mikasa recognized one of the few certainties she had in her short existence was that no one would wait for her in that place. In other words, that her place was with the living and she didn't need to return to those mountains. Not anymore.
"I think you're right." Eren cocked his head and tilted it back as he spoke to her. "Let's say she was a young wolf who lost her family. She learned to survive on her own, became stronger and more self-sufficient, she perhaps even fought other wolves and won, but lately she has started to miss the company, so she's been wanting to make friends and join a new pack."
The version of the wolf that Eren was talking about seemed a bit like her but, unlike this one, Mikasa had been lucky to be quickly welcomed by a very strong pack who protected her during her fragile years and helped her connect with a physical strength she believed was nonexistent. Her new and second family, while dysfunctional and imperfect, fed her, clothed her, and not only protected her, but had also taught her to fiercely protect herself. Like wolves, they worked as a team, hunted together and thrived. They could be seen by others as dangerous predators, always on the prowl, and they were feared as well as respected. Sometimes they accepted new members, collaborated with others, or even helped someone in trouble.
Like the hypothetical she-wolf, Mikasa also went through periods when she had felt very lonely. Levi had always helped her as much as he could and was more than present in her life in the years after the loss of her parents, yet both were too similar: introverted, stubborn, and socially inept. Neither of them was good at initiating or holding conversations, much less were they able to refer appropriately to most things involving feelings. The figure of Levi had provided her with security during her childhood and had become an older brother to her, who at times also played some sort of father figure against whom Mikasa used to rebel and argue about nonsense. So, though in general they tried to maintain a horizontal treatment, the relationship between the two basically wasn't and maybe would never be entirely horizontal. She would always be the youngest, the brat, the Ackerman girl. Not only for Levi, but also for Kenny and everyone in the Ackerman clan.
Mikasa, yet not contemplating to leave her current pack, had been accumulating a desire for certain things to change for a while, since in reality she had never had anyone whom she could constantly treat as equals either within the clan or in general. Nor had she had what could be classified as friends, only people with whom she had gotten along well, like Traute, who had sometimes supported her in her antics against Kenny, or people with whom she trained from time to time and had enjoyed it in competitive terms, like the hermetic Annie. It wasn't until Eren arrived - or rather they took him - to the den that she finally got the opportunity to forge an authentic friendship, regardless of things not going smoothly between them at first and that he hadn't wanted to have anything to do with her due to prejudices that, fortunately, had already been overcome.
After learning of Eren's existence as a child, Mikasa always harbored the hidden hope that the two of them would meet. Long before she learned of the deal between Grisha Jaeger and Kenny, there was something that prompted her to believe in the possibility that their paths would converge for a second chance. A couple of weeks ago, curiously, Eren himself had revealed he felt they were destined to meet and be friends.
"Eren...?" she called him softly.
"Yeah?"
Mikasa leaned her face against one of his shoulder blades and closed her eyes. Heat flooded her chest and rose to her cheeks. She tightened her arms around the boy's slender body, avoiding restraining herself due to her shyness.
"... Thank you very much for coming here with me."
She could feel Eren's stomach swell under her forearms as he took a deep breath.
"Thank you for trusting me," he replied after a brief pause.
Mikasa's lips stretched out in a small smile. Of course she trusted him. She kept her head on his back until he announced they had reached the stable where they would have to leave Magnus. By way of farewell, she stroked the horse's ears and gave him a little kiss on the nose before taking Eren's offered arm, like the good fake boyfriend he was. The owner of the place looked at them with a weary expression until they left, without even responding to their goodbyes or to the good wishes for the rest of the day the two told him out of courtesy. Levi must have been that man's customer thanks to his obvious aversion to people and few words. It seemed the only thing he could bear was the horses.
The sky was covered with gray clouds, not as heavy as the previous day, and a pleasant temperature was perceived. Active since very early, several people roamed the streets of Shiganshina, each one coming and going very focused on their own business. It didn't take long for Eren and Mikasa to get to Armin's house, who was working at school.
Despite sleeping enough, Mikasa's reflection in the bathroom mirror looked tired, while her slightly puffy and reddened eyes showed she had cried too much. She applied a moisturizing lotion to her face and waited for it to soak up before starting to apply makeup. She couldn't be wandering around looking almost like a lost soul on her last day in the district. What's more, she must be prepared to accompany Eren anywhere without anyone suspecting something was wrong with her. That same morning, he insisted on canceling his house call to Hannah as long as Mikasa could rest and be at ease in the comfort of Armin's home for the rest of the day, but she flatly refused to have him cancel such an important appointment for her fault and stated that she already felt better. And it was true. As the hours passed, the weight of her bruised heart had lightened considerably.
They went to visit Hannah and Franz along with Armin in the afternoon. Eren needed to check both the baby and the stitches and wound healing from the surgery he performed on Hannah, in addition to giving the first-time parents clear instructions to follow up for the next few days. Eren had even worked out a deal with a trusted nurse, who worked at a colleague's clinic, for her to monitor the young mother's cicatrization and remove the stitches in a couple of weeks.
When Franz returned to the main bedroom after washing little Liesel and changing her diaper, he asked Mikasa if she wanted to carry her. She instinctively opened her mouth to refuse, but the words didn't come out. Instead, seconds later, she nodded and stretched out her arms to receive the baby wrapped in soft blankets, trying not to notice that her hands had started to sweat a bit, ignoring her feeling of clumsiness and the distant fear of dropping her. She carried her gently to her bosom, concentrating on her small volume and light weight. The baby's head was full of fine hair with reddish highlights.
The child let out a cute yawn and opened her brown eyes in what seemed to be her direction.
"Hello Liesel..." Mikasa greeted her softly, making sure the father wasn't around. Franz had gone to the bedside with Hannah, near whom Armin and Eren were sitting. Everyone laughed about something related to their teenage years and Hannah protested because her stitches hurt when she laughed. The baby wrinkled her face at the sudden noise. "I... I couldn't greet you the other day, sorry. I think it was because you made me a little nervous," she whispered with a subtle smile. "I know you don't understand anything I'm saying, but it doesn't matter... My name is Mikasa."
She dared to stroke the tiny forehead with the back of her index finger, and Liesel only responded with slow blinks until she fell asleep. Hannah had mentioned the baby slept a lot during the day instead of sleeping at night. Despite the lack of sleep, she and Franz seemed very pleased. Both agreed that being parents wasn't an easy task, but they enjoyed it very much anyway and they wouldn't change it for the calmer life they led before their daughter came into their lives. They really were an adorable family.
Eren went over to where Mikasa was and casually put an arm around her shoulders, as he raised an eyebrow and glanced skeptically at the baby she was holding against her bosom. Feeling his warmth and closeness so suddenly disturbed Mikasa's heartbeat. The familiarity with which he held her stunned her a little. She couldn't help but think of the suffocating situation she found herself in after waking up on the cabin's purple sofa with him.
"It's funny. She looks like she wasn't able to break a single plate while she sleeps."
"How is that funny?"
"Because she only seems like it," he gestured at the baby with his chin and smirked at Mikasa right after. "This tyke is giving signs that she is and will be unruly. She'll break all the plates, also the cups and plant pots."
"What? You can't really know that," Mikasa murmured, her cheeks slightly rosy. "She's just a baby. You're judging her ahead of time."
Eren clicked his tongue with a relaxed expression.
"I'm not judging her, I'm just seeing through her. You'll see it too."
"Alright. If so, I guess you're able to see it because... you were the same, weren't you?"
He glanced at the little girl as if he were weighing Mikasa's words.
"You mean I look this cute and innocent while I'm asleep?"
Mikasa's face went completely red. Was Eren implying that she had watched him while he slept? Because even if it was only for a few seconds, yes, she had, so… had he realized that she had ever stared at him, or was he just assuming things?
"I s-said you were the same," Mikasa muttered quickly. "In past tense. When you were an unruly child."
"Yeah... it could be because of that, I suppose," Eren gave her a soft squeeze with his arm, a movement that brought his face an inch closer to her. "I'm glad you think I'm not unruly anymore. I also think that the years haven't passed in vain and I've matured a lot," a smug little smile danced on his lips.
Though her cheeks burned, Mikasa looked at him sideways with narrowed eyes and a pout. The slight annoyance his presumptuous demeanor caused her gave her the strength she needed not to stutter because of everything else he made her feel.
"I'm not so sure about what I said anymore. Maybe I'm wrong and it's not something that's been left in the past."
Hearing her, Eren quirked his eyebrows and his mouth dropped open to give her a reply.
"You two look so great as parents," Armin said all of a sudden, appearing in front of them. Eren twitched in place, as did she, and withdrew his arm from her shoulders as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have.
Neither of them knew if Armin had just gotten there or if he had been in front of them most of that time without them noticing, hearing their conversation... or whatever that exchange had been.
"Armin is right, you look very cute with Liesel!" Hannah celebrated, radiant from her bed. Franz nodded with a big smile, raising a thumb of approval towards them.
Mikasa didn't know what to do or say other than hand the baby over to Armin, without even looking at his face.
"Thanks, it's g-good to know," Eren started to say beside her. He was also nervous, but at least he was still able to play his part. He ran a finger inside the collar of his shirt. "We... we haven't had a talk about it yet, so this is a bit... awkward," he emphasized the last word as he casted a reproving glance at his best friend.
"It's fine, Eren. No one is pressuring you both," she heard Armin say in a relaxed tone while he raised a hand as if trying to play down the matter. He cradled Liesel and added, "It was nothing more than a simple observation."
Mikasa met the blond's gaze, who whispered her an apology with his big puppy eyes before Eren changed the subject. She nodded, but she would have slapped him on the arm out of pure nerves for making such an observation. They left not so long after. The three said their goodbyes to the couple with warm and friendly hugs as soon as it started to get dark. Mikasa wasn't used to giving or receiving hugs from people she barely knew, so it was a bit weird at first. However having witnessed the difficulties that the young family had gone through, which in a certain way made her remember her own, led her to think that she couldn't see them as mere acquaintances anymore.
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"You've gone and done it a bit with that comment about me and Mikasa looking good as parents, didn't you?" complained Eren once they were alone with Armin in his room.
Armin sighed and scratched his head.
"Eren, I didn't do it on purpose, I said it because I meant it," he answered in a tone that showed some guilt. "And I'm very sorry to have bothered you, especially Mikasa... But it's true that the two of you really looked cute with the baby in your arms. You looked so good that I think that even if I hadn't said anything, Hannah and Franz would've ended up saying something similar."
Eren watched him for a while, frowning.
"I'm going to try to believe that you didn't do it on purpose to tease me," he said wearily.
"I swear it wasn't on purpose," insisted Armin.
Eren dropped into the bed resembling defeat and stared at the ceiling without really seeing it. For the first time since the previous day, his mind was almost blank, as if it had been turned off or took a rest while a lot of things boiled inside his chest and the rest of his body went numb. It was as if a large volume of blood had lodged inside his rib cage and was now beginning to bubble up into his throat, forcing him to reveal something he hadn't yet been able to admit aloud. It hadn't even occurred to him to do it, until now. He resisted for what felt like several minutes, swallowing the words countless times until he knew there was no point in continuing to fight it. His body was compelling him to express it.
"I..." He cleared his throat in a last attempt to remove the lump that had formed in his throat. Why the hell was it so difficult to verbalize it? Armin was his best friend and he could tell him this kind of stuff, it shouldn't be so complicated, also the smart-ass had already realized what was happening to him before he could even do it himself. Eren took a breath and brought a hand to his chest. "I... I'm in love with her... or so I think."
He heard Armin exclaim and jump, causing a creak on the floor of the room. Then he threw himself down on the bed next to him and patted his face, which made him frown and tighten his eyelids. It was the kind of patting you give someone when you want them to wake up or pay attention, only it was less brusque and more kind. Apparently these were pats of approval, congratulations or whatever. Eren didn't understand why Armin made such a fuss just because he was right. He'd been right many times before and Eren had never seen him celebrate like that because of it, but he let him do it without complaining about it, what difference would it make?
"I knew it!" Armin exclaimed enthusiastically, a big smile spread across his face.
"Yeah... you knew it."
"It's amazing that you've realized about it by yourself and admitted it!"
"… Oh yeah, I did."
"Hey! Why do you sound so dejected?" Armin reproached him, shaking him with one hand. "I thought all that thing about being in love was something nice."
"I don't know, it's weird."
"Weird in which way?"
"What do I know," he grunted, raising his hands to his face to rub his eyes and pull his hair. "Sometimes I feel pleasant things, some sort of hope, and other times I feel... sad? Discouraged? Maybe all of this is only nice when it's mutual? I have no idea," saying that put him in a bad mood. "I may not even be in love... and I'm just confused thinking I am."
"Mm, I see," Armin laid face down next to him and rested his chin on his forearms. He did a pause before carefully asking: "When is it that you feel sad or discouraged?"
Eren took a deep breath and closed his eyes, making an effort to remember and acknowledge some of those occasions.
"When..." it took him a few minutes to tidy up and give some coherence to his thoughts and feelings. "When I think that perhaps she would rather be with someone else, instead of wasting time and pretending to have a relationship with me... When I realized that I'm the only one of the two... that won't have to pretend to be... in love," a pang of pain took place in his chest when saying that out loud. "When she avoids me somehow... like when she avoids looking at me."
Although painful, talking about it was somewhat liberating. There was also a slight sense of unreality about the current situation that made him dizzy.
"And at what moments do you feel pleasant things?"
Eren felt his face light up.
"Th-that... that's personal," he muttered with a scowl.
Armin giggled.
"Are you kidding? The other things you just said were also personal."
"Whatever, this other thing is... more private," snapped Eren, folding his arms, flustered. He wouldn't talk about that topic, period. He had already revealed more than he thought he would say.
"I won't pressure or annoy you about it just because I can see that all of this complicates you a lot," Armin patted the arms that Eren had crossed over his chest. "Also you told me more than enough. I'm proud of you, Eren."
"Mmh."
"Now listen to me well. I still don't know Mikasa as much as to know exactly what she feels. I have no issues in your case because I've known you for many years and I've learned to read you," Armin approached him as if he didn't want him to miss anything he was saying. "But I think she likes you, at least a little bit. Mikasa may not be in love with you yet, and even if she were I wouldn't dare to assure you that she is, but it's obvious to me that there's some degree of attraction between the two of you."
Eren's heart began to beat faster at the prospect. Without even intending to, a smile settled on his lips. A fleeting sensation of warmth and optimism ran through his body.
"Do you really think that?"
"Yes, I think you have a chance. Anyone with a pair of eyes would realize, or come on, even with their eyes closed!" Armin offered him a compassionate smile. "Except for you, of course. You've always been a bit dumb with these things."
"Hey-" protested Eren.
"It's the truth. But tell me, Eren... now that you're more aware of how you feel about Mikasa, what do you plan to do about it?"
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Annie casted an apathetic glance at the clock on the wall and then at what was left of the annoying pile of papers to be reviewed and signed. It had occurred to the central police to do what hadn't been done in a year, that was to supervise that everything was effectively in order in each one of the districts' police stations. They were inept bastards and she had always known it very well. All the police stations were given less than a week to review everything, and the maximum deadline for the delivery of the total documentation for the Trost station had been set for tomorrow morning, so this would be a long night for her unit.
The only thing that livened her up was that, if things went according to plan, she would no longer have to do this boring job for much longer.
Marco Bott typed words like crazy on the typewriter, while Jean Kirschtein and Thomas Wagner stacked boxes and boxes full of folders and record books. The rest of the unit was performing night rounds or other work that they couldn't stop doing for the sake of office tasks. Annie had chosen the three police officers to make her company as they were the most efficient when it came to office work, compared to the others. They had been part of her promotion, so they had graduated together. In particular, Marco and Jean had scored almost as high as hers and Reiner's.
"Officer Leonhardt, we are thirsty and tired," she heard Jean say suddenly, "would you authorize us to bring some cups of coffee?"
"Yes. I want one with cream, please," Annie answered without glancing at him. She deftly used a quill to sign at the foot of a yellowed sheet. She put the quill aside, massaged her wrist, and rolled her right shoulder. "We could use a ten-minute break, and some fresh air."
"I need to go get ink to the storeroom and finish writing this document," Marco reported. "Can I take my ten minutes later?"
"No problem," the constant noise of the typewriter was giving her a headache anyway. "Take twenty if you want and then exchange the task with Jean."
"What are you going to want, Marco?" Thomas asked once Annie finished speaking.
"A coffee with cream too, thanks."
Marco made his way to the storeroom while the rest left the main office. Annie lost sight of Jean and Thomas, who had rushed to the kitchen to prepare the hot drinks. She made sure to carry a revolver in her belt and took the chance to leave the police station, how she needed to stretch her legs! Had she continued to sit in there, she would have ended up taking a nap with her eyes open. There was almost no wind outside and the night sky was overcast. She greeted with a nod and a faint hint of a smile a couple of passers-by who wished her good night. It was almost ten.
Not even two minutes had passed when Annie heard a sudden huge crash behind her. She bent down, put her head between her knees and covered it with her arms in reflex. The ground shook slightly and a rush of hot air came at her from behind. She heard the sound of small debris hitting the ground and some screaming coming from the few people who were still on the street, including the passers-by who had greeted her, who weren't far enough from there.
That had been a damn explosion. She turned abruptly as soon as she was back on her feet. Smoke and ashes were coming out of the police station. She could see the sharp and bright tongue of the flames beginning to peek through the collapsed ceiling of the second floor, right where the guard rooms were and under which was her private office, in addition to the area in which a few minutes earlier she had been working with the others.
Annie kicked open the front door and black smoke rushed through the opening. She heard someone coughing to her left. She covered her mouth and nose with her forearm to go to the aid of her subordinates.
In the kitchen, she found Jean on his knees next to Thomas, apparently unconscious.
"Annie!" Jean yelled relieved as soon as he saw her, avoiding any formality. His face was dirty. "Something hit Thomas on the head."
The advice was always to not move or to move as little as possible those who had received a concussion, however they couldn't leave Thomas in there. In a matter of minutes he would suffocate or get scorched.
"Take him in your arms while I hold his head. Quick, we have to get him out of here!"
They both carried the man out of Trost Police Station as fast as they could and laid him down carefully on the ground. Annie's hands felt wet and sticky. Thomas's head was bleeding.
Was he dead?
"Are you alright?" she asked Jean, who didn't seem to have any visible wounds.
"I think so..." he brought a hand to his head. "What the hell was that?"
"Something... Something exploded in the-" Annie's eyes widened. "Marco," she said in a whisper.
Jean's expression changed to one of horror and, without saying anything, he returned inside of the building with Annie.
"Marco!" Jean shouted over and over again. "Answer, Marco!"
Annie's eyes were watering because of the smoke and heat. Her throat stung.
When they got to where the main office was supposed to be, they met with a dramatic scene. There was rubble instead of walls. A lot of smoke and fire, which had practically consumed all the documents they had been working on for the past few days. The ceiling had collapsed to the floor and there was no sign of Marco Bott.
Jean kept yelling, desperately calling his friend in between coughs, but if they stayed in there they could lose consciousness due to the excess of smoke and heat. They would suffocate to death before more help could even come.
"We have to get out of here!" Annie yelled over the creak of the wood, the sizzle of the flames and Jean's heartbreaking calls.
"I won't go out until I find Marco!"
She saw him trying to push and lift a huge chunk of roof to clear the way. It was impossible.
Annie knew Bott must be dead. What's more, he must have been the first one to die. The storeroom was small and was right next to the office that no longer existed. If the explosion hadn't killed him, then the falling debris would have, or the fire. There was no way he was still be alive, and she couldn't allow stupid Jean Kirschtein to waste his life trying to rescue someone in vain, so she grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the exit with all her might, despite the man didn't make it easy for her with all his struggles and screams calling for a friend who could no longer answer him. Exasperated, Annie kicked Jean out of what was left of the police station. Out there her lungs could at least get oxygen.
"We have to go back!" Jean moaned in a raspy voice. "Marco needs our help!"
Annie pushed him by the shoulders to keep him sitting on the ground.
"Marco is dead," she assured him firmly, right before she got a coughing fit so strong that it even made her feel like throwing up.
There was no way this was an accident.
A/N: the final scene with Annie has been in this fic drafts since 2018, so I'm glad I was finally able to include it. I'm a little tired and I don't know what else to say except that, as always, I appreciate the comments that you guys leave me a lot and that I read them over and over again because I love them so much! And please never stop commenting on the fic~ Also wow, I'm super grateful because the story surpassed 400 kudos!
I forgot to say that I have a Twitter account under the same username (kuchenackerman) in which you can follow me if you want, because I've been more active there than on Tumblr lately. I also forgot to comment that a few days ago I closed the second big eremika poll I did and that I'll be sharing the results obtained in a couple of weeks or more (390 people participated!)
Thank you so much for reading this story!
A giant hug to everyone in these uncertain times
