Many and big thanks to everyone who took the time to write an encouraging review in the past chapter, especially to the seven guests (guyssss please type some name lmao, also who wrote "I'm wet"? I laughed so much, dude), nickz24, tr0mb0n3t, azlaraazsh and theshadeslayer09. I also appreciate the ton of new favorites and alert subscriptions since chapter 18!

Recently I decided to update the Spotify playlist I did for the fic some years ago (and then kinda forgot about it). You guys can check that one or the one on Youtube, in case you guys have no access to Spotify in your countries. Find my user ackermanner or Lawless [SnK] on Spotify since I can't put links here. You can also check my Twitter, Tumblr or chapter 19 on archive of our own and try the links I published there. My user in all those social platforms is kuchenackerman

LAWLESS


Chapter 19. Reticence


Eren stared at the stairs where Levi and Mikasa had gone, scowling. The people of the Legion were talking about something he hadn't been paying attention to, so he sat down in the chair Mikasa had previously occupied and tried to incorporate himself into the group conversation.

"... but this one doesn't have a patient with Frieda's characteristics either," Hange said, crossing out a list of names in frustration. "We've reached another dead end."

Eren rested his forearms on the table. He smelled bleach. Did it come from the table and the floor? The first time he'd been down there, the hodgepodge of chemical odors had reminded him of the one in the university lab. The smell of now made him think of the Ackerman house when Levi went through manic mode of cleaning everything. Maybe he had cleaned the teacher's basement. He believed him capable of doing so.

"Which filters have you been using to find her?" He tried to take a peek at the short enumeration of names of hospitals and mental institutions, all of which were crossed out. The few sanatoriums were generally populated by elderly patients, except for a few young people who ended up there for various reasons. "Did you include the details I mentioned about her teeth and fingers?"

Erwin Smith straightened his posture slightly. There was tension in his broad, well-built shoulders. Was he as strong as he seemed?

"Woman between twenty and thirty years old, big light blue eyes, upturned nose, straight black hair, height between one meter sixty five and one seventy five, slim build," Erwin began to specify in a tired voice while stroking his chin. He had dark circles under his eyes and seemed to have aged a few years since Eren had last seen him in this very place. His deep voice echoed faintly in the basement. "Other than that, yes, of course we included the details you gave us and we still haven't gotten anything. They may have altered her appearance, fixed her broken tooth in some way, and are hiding her hands. Or the records were simply altered. It could also be that they don't even have her registered, that she's some kind of ghost patient... It would make sense considering her importance and the power of Rod Reiss... The theft of the corpse definitely alerted him, but so far it seems that he hasn't transferred the true Frieda from wherever he's been hiding her lately, so as not to arouse more suspicion." He gestured at the crossed out names and then towards a huge map of the island behind him, which hung unrolled on the Wall. The map was a mess of lines, demarcations, crosses and dots of different colors. "We have people stationed or infiltrated in each of these places, so she could've been easier to track if he had moved her, but he hasn't done it and at this point I doubt he will."

"Honestly, Eren, our current situation is… unfortunate because right now it seems impossible to find her whereabouts. We had most of our hopes pinned on Frieda being moved at some point, after we got Fiona out of the mausoleum." Hange remarked, taking off her glasses to clean them with a piece of lightweight cloth she pulled out of a pocket. "We've been wondering if they have her hidden somewhere other than a sanatorium or hospital. And if that were the case, it would be a terrible issue because we don't have the time or the means to broaden the search," she hit the table with the base of her fist and continued with a discouragement atypical of her. "It could take years and the possibility of her dying, for real this time, and in that setting we'd be left empty-handed."

Eren still couldn't quite convince himself that Frieda was out there, alive, not when an entire kingdom believed that their charismatic princess was resting in peace with her brothers and mother in the royal mausoleum for a few years already.

"If you were... lucky enough to find the real Frieda alive, what do you intend to do with her, exactly? Use her to reveal that Rod Reiss is a shitty man and father?" Eren questioned with irony because that, according to him, was something that everyone knew and that nobody cared about. Kings were like that, despicable by default. Rod had only recognized Historia as his heir after nearly all of his legitimate children died, and in part he'd done so at the explicit request of Frieda, who couldn't accept that her beloved half-sister continued to spend more years of her life in an orphanage. She also didn't tolerate the idea of Historia never learning about her real name and surname, or that she would be deprived of knowing that she had siblings. "What is the goal of the Legion? Is it that you hope that a woman who's lost her mental faculties, and that perhaps no one is able to recognize, will become one of your banners and means to… take power over the island? Is that what you are looking for? Because, considering that nothing guarantees people are going to believe you, the truth is that this doesn't seem to be a very good plan. Not at all."

Erwin and Hange exchanged glances.

"To answer your question about our goal, what we want is to change the way things are done on a political level and, therefore, also on a social level. We seek to abolish the monarchy and suppress the hereditary nobility in Paradis in the mid and long term. We want to encourage people to move towards building a more just system in which we have the right to elect our own leaders. In other words, to establish a democracy, as it's been done in some continental lands," said the commander with a solemn air. "For that, in the first place we need the people to wake up and question with greater vigor the ability and suitability of the Reiss of governing, and through that our obsolete monarchical system. This is one of the reasons why Frieda is so relevant to us as evidence. As you've said yourself, she is one of our means." Erwin's sharp blue eyes twinkled as he stared at Eren with conviction and asserted, "She is, in fact, a fundamental piece of our plan and our greatest gamble against the monarchy."

"A gamble?" Eren tried to detect any hint of humor in the face of the Legion commander, but he was being serious. "How can you depend so much on someone you may never even find?"

"Frieda is our gamble for the most... peaceful change, if you want to call it that way." Hange intervened. "A mental illness that runs through the veins of the royal family could affect the king at any moment, and even the last healthy heiress of him, Historia. Frieda showed the clearest signs of dementia praecox shortly after her twentieth birthday, and her death was faked two years later. Historia Reiss will turn twenty-one in two months... It's possible that the women of the royal family develop the disease earlier and more severely than men," the teacher smiled that typical smile of hers when she was talking about something she considered fascinating. "And, Eren, according to the information your father left for Kenny Ackerman, Uri Reiss showed symptoms shortly after the age of forty and endured around twelve more. Apparently, despite his physical and social decline, Uri continued to be able to spend most of his time lucid, particularly at first. Unlike Frieda... Since this disease affects the Reiss specifically, I've thought that it may have occurred due to inbred practices in their ancestors, there is documentation on…"

Eren had opened his eyes to the prospect of Historia ending up sharing the same fate as her older sister. He hadn't thought of that possibility. And if so... the Reiss were truly doomed. The royal family used to be more numerous to begin with. Currently it was only made up by Rod, Historia and Frieda, if she was still alive indeed. Even if Rod had the occasional bastard child out there, for the moment he had no choice but to have Historia as his successor.

What would be of Historia if the disease also ended up triggering in her young brain? Would Rod fake her death and hide her as he'd done with Frieda for years? Why and what for?

It was curious to think that the Reiss had already been through similar situations generation after generation and yet no group of people had complained or questioned it out loud. Perhaps it was simply because they hadn't noticed the strange pattern in between so much distraction and published lies, or because they had no certainty about the disease that afflicted the royal family beyond the few rumors, which proliferated after one of them died. There were rumors following Frieda's alleged suicide about four years after Uri's, although Uri's was publicly reported as a sudden death by cardiac arrest.

The rumors did not last long in the minds of the collective and they faded with the passing of the weeks and months. At that time, his father had advised him on several occasions to not pay attention. He downplayed it. Eren's blood ran cold at the memory of it so suddenly. Grisha must have known that Uri had committed suicide, just as he was more than aware that Frieda wasn't dead, since he himself signed the autopsy of the impostor. About a year after the lie about the death of the princess, his father ended up meeting his own death in an alleged accident on the steep side of a mountain, from which he fell with horse and cart. Eren swallowed those tales like the ignorant and naive boy he had been, and also because of the shock both situations had caused him.

Or rather he had forced himself to believe them, while he unconsciously sank any sense of unease and doubt that even tried to emerge about it.

If he wasn't afraid of the reality of the world in which he lived and developed, why had he tried so hard not to face the truth or to give credit to his suspicions?

"That's not everything we want to bring to light," Erwin said in a grim tone, snapping Eren out of his reverie. He saw him gesture to the young woman Mikasa had called Petra. She reached out for a cardboard folder from among a pile of papers beside her and handed it to the commander. Erwin and Petra made a silent exchange. Only after she nodded did the man speak again. "Petra Ral was a victim of human trafficking. The Ackermans rescued her from a wagon where she was hidden with three girls under the age of fourteen. The destination of these girls was a secret luxury brothel located northwest of Stohess. The existence of that brothel is known by some members of the nobility, supporters and collaborators of the royal family. They are the clients who attend it," he explained to Eren with a grave expression, bringing the folder closer to him. "Although we haven't been able to advance with the Frieda Reiss matter, with the help of the Ackerman clan and the affected girls, we've been able to obtain some names and a Spoken portrait of the alleged pimp."

Eren's jaw tightened. He tried to control the shaking of his hands as he received the folder. He studied Petra for a few seconds, enough not to make her uncomfortable. Something reflected in her eyes reminded him of Mikasa. Something that was admirable, as well as disconcerting.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened the two pieces of cardboard. From the edge hung a thin grayish cotton rope whose tie was undone. He wished he didn't come across the names of people he already knew, or worse, that he had or still had as patients. Someone he'd visited that afternoon or the days before. Someone he had to visit tomorrow or in the next few days.

The first thing he saw was the portrait that must have been sketched by Moblit. He didn't recognize the pimp's face, but something about him was familiar. The mustache on that middle-aged face vaguely reminded him of someone he couldn't identify. He felt sick and disgusted as he realized there was no way he could have escaped rendering his bloody medical services to at least one of those high-born degenerates. There were only four names noted on the sheet of paper behind the portrait. He knew two personally, and had a scheduled check with one of them at Mitras.

The bile rose up his throat and left a pungent taste in his mouth.

"Lord Aurille," he muttered, struggling to control his nausea. He had disliked that uptight jerk from the get-go, and that feeling only increased with each visit. Now he understood the main reason for the feeling of rejection that Aurille generated in him. "That piece of shit."

"Is he your patient?" Hange consulted cautiously.

Eren gritted his teeth and tossed the folder on the table as he rose to his feet. He turned his back on the others and withdrew a few meters in silence. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

"I have an appointment with that animal next week in Mitras, but after finding out about this there's no fucking way I can keep it. I'm not going near him. I'm not going to be in the same room or breathe the same air as any of those damned…" he shook his head. "I can't. I refuse. Fuck everyone, especially that liar and coward Rod, son of a bitch," he turned to face the Legion members, making a sharp arc with his arm. "He has to be aware of all this shit! And he allows it... The bastard allows it."

"We have no confirmation about it, but yes, it's very likely that he is an accomplice," said Erwin, crossing his arms. "He may simply decide to ignore the perversions of his court because it suits him. Regardless, you shouldn't renounce your… obligations to the king and his allies, Eren. Not yet, because-"

"Yeah, I know, because they could start to wonder and realize that I have found out something, right?" He replied with heat and harshness, "I have to continue acting normal. I have to play dumb like nothing's going on but you know what, Commander? That's what I've been doing this whole damn time since I ended up in the Ackermans' lair!" Eren felt his blood boil with anger, helplessness and shame. "Since I found out that Rod Reiss killed my father! Ever since I learned that Frieda's death is a lie. And on top of it... on top of that you tell me that I've been rubbing the fucking back and prolonging the lives of who knows how many disgusting abusers of women and children, and you expect me to be able to continue doing this crap? Don't fuck with me!" He yelled.

"Eren," Hange called him carefully, approaching him with her hands up, hesitant. "I understand that-"

"What the hell do you think you understand?!" Eren snapped, agitated, moving away from his teacher. "Do you know what else I learned in a matter of a few weeks and that I have only just now understood in all its magnitude? That Mikasa, someone I should've known a decade ago, could have been in that goddamn fancy brothel since she was eight! Since eight damn years old!" Saying that out loud broke him inside. He swallowed hard. Shit. Shit. He kept talking by inertia. "Her family... was killed by a pack of animals who wanted to use her and her mother as human merchandise because they looked different, and any- any of those repugnant sons of bitches that I have to visit as an idiot to pay off a stupid debt could... have bought her as their... a-as their…" he trailed off, horrified. He felt like he had just been kicked in the stomach. His urge to vomit increased and his vision blurred. He rested one hand on the cold stone wall and the other on his belly, hunched over, breathing hard through his nose. "If Levi... if he hadn't saved Mikasa, one of them could have... And I... and I could never have known. I would have... kept myself ignorant... I'd never have thought that maybe... that I... while she…"

Eren couldn't even put it into words. The very idea was unbearable. Unforgivable.

He felt a pair of firm arms around his chest and solid heat on his back. He spent a while protesting and struggling against that hug thoughtlessly, but his teacher didn't budge. She told him something he was unable to hear or understand because his ears were ringing. His body trembled at the sudden insight. He trembled with anger, with disgust towards those pigs and towards himself and, while Hange tried to contain him as if holding a child in the middle of a tantrum, Eren could only hear his own altered breathing and feel his heart pounding against his chest, demanding him to do something.

"Let go of me," he growled one last time. Hange ignored him.

To have learned that more than one of his patients were so sick and caused so much damage was undoubtedly an atrocious, terrible discovery, but to think that he could have spent his entire life oblivious to Mikasa's constant suffering, plus the idea that said suffering had been caused by nothing more and nothing less than one of those degenerates with whom he had to deal with from time to time, was a thousand times worse for him.

Eren had a strong urge to run out of there and scream in rage. Barf. Blast Lord Aurille with punches and kicks. Wreck shit. He gritted his teeth. Not only did he want to beat Rod Reiss to the ground, he also had a tremendous desire to kill him. Kill him and all his entourage of rotten, disgusting sons of bitches. That wish led Eren to contemplate a fixed point in the basement. The darkest, furthest point absorbed and drew him like a magnet. He stayed there.

Was this what he had tried to avoid? What he hadn't wanted to see or wake up?

No one interrupted his trance while he felt part of his fire, his anger, gradually subside like his breathing, staying focused at all times on that stain of impenetrable darkness.

That part of himself...

Eren exhaled long. He wiped away the tears that had failed to leave his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket in one slow movement. Hange finally released him and came around him to face him.

"I will," Eren said with the strange and cold calm of subjugated fury. "I will continue to fulfill my obligations... until the moment I deem appropriate."

"What does that mean?" Hange asked, stepping back to examine him suspiciously.

"I've already played the pawn for too long and I'm fed up. I don't have to stick to the Legion's agenda. The moment I feel like I just can't handle this anymore, I'll step aside. I have the right to do that, don't I? Because it's not that I remember having reached a formal and personal agreement of cooperation or something like that with you and your goals."

Hange raised and dropped her arms after a groan of frustration.

"Eren, we are doing our best to…"

"I know, but make it possible to be faster and identify more of those sick bastards," he hastened to say. He approached the table. "A question that I already think I know the answer to, but of which I still need to get confirmation: were you the authors of the attack in Trost?"

"No," Hange answered immediately. "Although they are blaming us, we had nothing to do with it. It was a cheap play by Reiss and the nobles to discredit us. Kenny wouldn't have tolerated us endangering Leonhardt's life."

"Of course... Another question: what do you intend to do with Historia Reiss?"

"She will be safe," Erwin assured. "No one from the Legion will harm her. We know that she is innocent and that she knows absolutely nothing about Frieda's real estate."

Eren gave the commander a hard glare. Then he met the concerned expression of Petra, who had raised both hands to her chest.

"Thanks for... the information," Eren told her, numb. "I'm sorry you had to go through everything you've gone through."

She nodded with pursed lips and looked down, thoughtful. Moblit was the only one who didn't want or didn't dare to look at him while he held tightly the portrait of the pimp he had drawn himself, as if he wanted to tear it apart.

"Could you take me somewhere inside the house where I can be alone and calm?" He murmured to his teacher. The basement seemed to have gotten smaller. "I can't stay down here a moment longer."

He couldn't stand it. In that basement he'd received nothing but bad news... Bad news that had finished tearing off what was left of the veil over his eyes and stoked that anger that for so long he had constantly tried to appease.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The change in Levi's countenance increased Mikasa's nerves. There was a hint of restrained aggression in his narrowed eyes. His mouth taut in a straight line.

"Before you left Orvud, I gave Eren a list of suggestions that his weird teacher wrote," Levi explained, squeezing the edges of his teacup with his fingertips. He took a sip, scowling. "The point was for those suggestions to help make your ruse more believable. You get it, to make it look like the two of you were complete slobbers for each other. The four-eyes said that Eren didn't seem to be very interested in those topics, so the idea of him running away with someone he had just met in a romantic plan didn't sound like something the little shit would do. That anyone who knew him could question the veracity of such a rumor, or that it would seem too strange coming from him. And, anyway, to that it had to be added the logical suspicion that he wouldn't be as good at pretending as you are. Hange also said that… she was concerned that Eren's supposed lack of interest, inexperience and clumsiness could end up giving you away." Levi set the cup so hard on the table that the white porcelain cracked. Mikasa blinked in reflex response, thinking it must have left a mark on the wooden surface. The liquid began to drain through the fine fractures. "But, and this is an important but, to me the brat didn't seem inexperienced, nor clumsy, and much less indifferent when I saw him this afternoon with you."

Mikasa fell silent, realizing the implications bit by bit.

"Hange may have underestimated him, with all and their extra eyes," Levi added in an irritated tone. "And I was wrong in hoping that that fool had the minimum decency to talk to you about the content of the list, so that you could reach an agreement and put your own boundaries. I know I told you I wouldn't interfere, Mikasa, but if he didn't tell you anything about it and the things between you changed a lot after that, then…" He looked at her, half pissed off and half worried. After a few seconds, he asked, "How long have you and him... been up to this?"

"Since last night." She clasped her hands on her lap under the table. The poisoned spine of doubt began to twist slowly and tremulously inside her chest. "Just... since last night."

Why hadn't Eren told her anything about it?

Levi pushed his chair back. The wooden legs squeaked against the tiles.

"Since last night?" He hissed, threatening. "How... How far has he dared to go with you, Mikasa?"

Her cousin stiffened as if he was about to go down to the basement as soon as she confirmed to him that Eren had crossed the line. But that hadn't been the case.

"We… we kissed… a couple of times. Nothing else," she muttered, her eyelids drooping.

If they had had this kind of conversation in another context, Mikasa most likely wouldn't have even bothered to answer. Or she would have sent him to hell with a simple and clear, it's none of your business!

She gripped the ear of the mug, apathetic, and sipped her lukewarm tea. For the first time, a tea prepared by Levi tasted bitter. She was silent for a few minutes, not knowing exactly what to think or feel. She was stunned. It was as if some of her vital energy had left her body. The excitement and relief she felt after her lunch with Eren had vanished and a mist settled in place, blurring and discoloring everything.

"He hasn't pressured you, has he?" Levi asked carefully.

"Not at all... We haven't done anything that I haven't consented," or that she herself wouldn't have wanted. Mikasa looked up at Levi, hesitating. "What… kind of suggestions were made on that list? Why did you give it to him instead of me? Why… didn't you mention such a thing to me before I left for Shiganshina?"

Levi got up, paced the kitchen, and leaned back against one of the granite countertops. The cabinet gave a low yelp. He opened his mouth with a thoughtful frown, but said nothing. Her questions seemed to have caught him by surprise, and it was that, why even think about bothering to inform her about something that involved her directly, right?

And the same in Eren's case.

Mikasa tried to identify the accumulation of emotions and thoughts that crowded inside her. She felt… betrayed? Unacknowledged. She sensed a share of anger and also regret and disappointment. There was the presence of the incipient doubts about Eren.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She watched the increasingly clear discontent she felt toward Levi.

"I think... you were wrong about something more important than entrusting those suggestions to Eren," she said dryly. "Your first mistake was not having consulted me... Levi, how could you be so inconsiderate with me?"

Levi's face twisted slightly.

"Mikasa, the day I gave him that crap, you were…"

"I was what? Busy crying, sleeping or out of it?" She squeezed her lukewarm cup between her hands, her voice soft and trembling. "And what about today? You made the little mistake of not telling me that here I was going to run into one of the girls we found that time, Levi. Did you run out of ink to leave a miserable clue on the damn note you threw me on the street?"

"I was going to do it, but I was worried about the reaction you'd have if you found out out there. I haven't seen you or knew anything about you for days," he stared at her as if he wanted to ask or add something else. Instead, he shook his head, dismissing it. "I had no fucking idea how well or how bad you were doing."

"... so in that you were considerate."

Down there in the basement, she just looked like a fool who is the last to find out about everything. The emotionally fragile fool who gets things hidden from her so she doesn't break apart anymore - in public, at least. Mikasa couldn't help a faded smile. That was to say, wasn't that what she was? What had she been everytime she witnessed or heard something that forced her to relive old pains and fears?

Levi brought a hand to the side of his head.

"Listen, about the fucking list… I swear I would've given it to you both that time if you hadn't been recovering from your crisis."

Mikasa snorted, annoyed. He insisted on that and no, she wasn't as fragile as they believed, not to the point of needing information omitted that implicated her directly just because, during the day they should have given it to her, she wasn't doing well.

"So, is it my fault that you weren't able to even tell me a single thing about it?"

Truth was that perhaps a 'hey, here are a few recommendations so that you don't get caught, as soon as you feel better you review them and discuss them with Eren,' would have been enough. As simple as that. She pushed the teacup away.

"No, at no time did I mean that," he said, shaking a finger. "How was I going to give the list to you, in that state? You didn't even want to leave your room and I didn't want to bother you. I gave it to Eren because I had no other choice. I needed to explain the situation to him and… check his disposition."

"His disposition?"

"How willing was he to collaborate. I also had to make a few things clear to him," he mumbled. "But the asshole didn't even talk to you about it, and now…" he sighed, passing a heavy hand over his face. "Eren isn't the only asshole, huh? So am I... Mikasa, if I had imagined he wouldn't tell you shit, I would never have entrusted something like that to him and I-"

He would have never entrusted him with something like that?

"Levi, what kind of suggestions were made on that list?" She interrupted him, uneasy, reiterating one of the questions to which he hadn't yet answered.

He grimaced in disgust.

"From the most basic and socially acceptable couple crap, to the most... complex and less acceptable," he crossed his arms, rigid. "One of them was that, for example, you did inappropriate stupid things in public, something like... what you did this afternoon. That's why at first it was hard for me to believe that you didn't know anything about this. I really thought... I wanted to believe that you two had reached some kind of agreement."

Inappropriate stupid things.

It immediately came to Mikasa's mind what she and Eren pretended to do during the soiree to which they were unexpectedly invited after leaving the theater. Eren had told her he wanted to scandalize and offend the old people, but could it be that he, in addition, had been applying what was suggested in the list prepared by his teacher? Would he have even thought of doing something like that if he hadn't received those suggestions?

Her stomach twisted at the thought that Eren had done other things inspired by that, or from that... How much could that have influenced his actions, his relationship with her?

And why hadn't he mentioned it to her? Where was he keeping, or rather hiding, that list?

"Regardless of that other problem, it's unacceptable that you got distracted to the point of letting two guys get so close to you without noticing it," Levi said with wearisome severity. "It's not like you. That mistake could have cost dearly."

"I know," Mikasa murmured in a calm and resigned tone. "Nothing like this is going to happen again."

"It's preferable not," he emphasized, massaging one of his shoulders. Then he added in a clear attempt to defuse the atmosphere a bit. "It's still good that the stuffy geezer hit Eren, though it would've been better if he hit him harder."

Mikasa wasn't amused. What's more, she looked at him irritably. Wounded.

"A little while ago you asked me if Eren had pressured me to do something, but you… you didn't even seek my consent before giving him that list of suggestions. I really can't understand that you weren't able to ask me if all that seemed right to me or not. If I really agreed with something like that," she tried to ignore the discomfort that grew and weighed on her chest with every word she let out. "Even though I... have disappointed you before with my actions and mistakes, I want you to know that... that you too have disappointed me by the decisions you've made without really considering me, Levi. I know that, from what you said, they're nothing more than a lot of suggestions that vary in tone, and that you thought it best to avoid bringing the subject up because of what was happening to me but… but what you did wasn't right. Not good at all... It's unfair. You can't and shouldn't decide for me, much less when it comes to things... like this."

Levi's face slowly crumbled. He dropped into the chair and looked at Mikasa with some perplexity.

"I think you've never been... clearer in expressing yourself as now," he said. His eyes were heavy, embarrassed. He covered his mouth with his hand for a long time, pondering, until he growled. "Agh. Shit. I'm very sorry to disappoint you this way, Mikasa."

Mikasa's eyes were clouded by the tears that flowed against her will. She did a slight, almost imperceptible nod. Levi had never let her down, not like this, and perhaps how much more disappointed she would feel once she found that damn piece of paper. Because she would find it. She had to see it for herself. And if she didn't find it, only then would she ask Eren about the matter. What would he tell her?

Eren. Another disappointment. Mikasa had always felt she could place all her trust in him, but in the end she might have been wrong as in so many other things. Still, a part of her begged her for not being too quick to judge him for, truth be told, this didn't make sense to her. The way Eren tended to gaze at her, to begin with...

"What the hell was I thinking?" Levi wondered aloud, disgruntled. "I can't believe that for wanting to keep you safe, that you didn't get caught, I… Shit. I don't even fully approve of this crappy paraphernalia, and I just accepted the damn list for this fucking stupid plan to work… No. Wait. I also accepted it because you liked him," he looked at her with a frown and clear concern. "Because you really like that moronic brat, don't you?"

Mikasa's lips stretched into a small smile despite still crying. Hearing Levi had considered something like that gave her some relief amid her confusion and uncertainty.

"Did you accept in part because I like him? So… that's how obvious I am?" She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. Kenny had noticed it too, apparently, although with him it was hard to tell since in general he didn't take things like this seriously. "I mean, y-you figured it out long before today."

Levi sighed and handed her a clean handkerchief.

"Yeah, luckily you are very obvious. And you have bad taste," he said with a mean face. "I was already thinking of hammering my fingers into a mush if I had screwed it up even more. What if I had given the suggestions to a guy you didn't really like in that way...? I should still kick the edge of a wall and break my leg, because now you're crying and it's all my damn fault. If your parents were here they would've kicked my ass off. They too would be disappointed, and with good reason."

"I can do that myself," Mikasa muttered, forcing herself to stop crying as she patted the handkerchief over her closed eyelids. She left makeup stains on the fabric. She would have wiped it harder over her face to make it more difficult for Levi to wash it later, but she couldn't let others notice she'd been weeping.

"Well, if you feel like doing it, do it. I deserve it... I'm just a fucking hypocrite. I said that I wasn't interested in meddling in your affairs but I did it anyway, and I screwed up," admitted Levi, frustrated, as he leaned forward and rested his elbows and part of his forearms on his thighs. "I owe you the full explanation. I swear I was very resistant to this list thing at first. I had a suspicion that you liked Eren and, I don't know, I ended up begrudgingly trusting him because he gave me the impression that at best he was just an unbearably dense guy for his age. An idiotic brat with no ill intents, with whom in a very short time you started to get along way too well... I mean, if you liked him, it couldn't be all wrong, right? And so I assumed that if you and him talked about it, then surely neither of you would mind taking some of the suggestions into account, just to be more laid back with the charade. But in the long run I was wrong because he didn't deserve so much trust... In fact, he took me for the fucking fool I am and dared to lie to me with no hesitation when he told me that he'd talk about it with you. If it weren't that we still have to take care of the little bastard, I'd break his knees."

So, Eren had lied to Levi and kept things from her.

These details made her feel more uneasy about Eren, as she and her cousin had both concluded he had no bad intentions and that they could trust him, even if it was on different terms and levels of trust. Unfortunately, Eren lying and keeping information made it all very confusing and discouraging, as Mikasa truly believed she had been forging a relationship based on mutual trust with him.

"I should have taken the list off him as soon as I noticed that he didn't object and he seemed so willing. Tch! He gave it no more than a simple look and accepted it. He even dared to throw in my face that you two weren't twelve…" Levi muttered. "I'll break one of his arms and legs once his part in this is over."

Mikasa tried by all means to control her thoughts and emotions, just as she had already managed to control her tears. She had to keep a cool head, same with her heart. She leaned her head on her crossed forearms, which rested on the table, and stayed in that position for a long while. She gazed at the reflection of the kitchen lamp in the small puddle that formed from the tea which seeped through the cracks in Levi's cup.

"How long will we have to continue doing this?" She asked, discouraged and without even thinking about it. She felt her mind heavy, as if it had just been hit with accumulated exhaustion, perhaps due to the effort involved in having to contain herself and her doubts.

Levi took his time to answer her. He seemed to be weighing it up.

"We've been thinking of something that could make your sham with Eren end sooner than we planned."

Mikasa raised her head and straightened in her chair. She felt a dull ache in her chest that brought out a slight gasp from her.

"When? How?"

"One or two weeks. Nothing sure yet. Kenny is losing that three-year-old brat patience he has when it comes to the Legion," Levi said in a lower voice. He gave her a look that Mikasa already knew quite well. "He's bored of waiting and he wants to do things his way. He claims that they aren't fulfilling their part of the deal."

"I see…" she said, expressionless.

Breathe. Calm down. She told herself.

"Exactly. I'll tell you everything in a matter of a few days, either here in Stohess or in Mitras. It depends on whether…"

They both turned their attention to the door when they heard a sudden sound of footsteps and murmurs coming from outside the kitchen. Mikasa doubted they had heard them. It seemed they were on their way to another place of the house, because the footsteps receded as soon as they got closer. Levi hurried up and went out to see what was going on outside.

"It's the little moron and the Four-eyes," Levi grumbled, hooking his fingers on the edge of the thick white door frame. "He heard me open the door and saw me. I think he's coming this way."

Mikasa stiffened. She tried to wipe away any makeup that had stained her lower eyelid with Levi's handkerchief.

"Don't do or say anything to him," she warned.

Levi clicked his tongue and headed back into the kitchen. He tossed the unusable cup in the trash, grabbed a cloth, and quickly wiped the table.

"I already learned my lesson, Mikasa. It's up to you what you do. I think he could use a beating," he said through his teeth as he stretched the cloth and hung it to dry.

At that, Eren appeared under the door frame. A strange expression crossed his face as their gazes met for a second. Hange Zoe leaned over the side and gestured for Levi to come to her. Levi didn't move from his place next to Mikasa, as if he was protecting her, and she gave him a light kick to stop him from being silly.

"Have you finished your conversation?" Hange asked with a friendly awkward smile. "We're done and, um… Eren wants to leave."

Mikasa stood up and, after consciously stretching her dress, she walked without letting any hint of hesitation show. She knew exactly how to use that mask.

"Let's go," she said to Eren, monotonous, as soon as she passed by him below the threshold.

"Mikasa," said a female voice to her right.

From the corner that led to the hall, Petra approached her, hesitant. She was so petite and light that her footsteps could hardly be heard. The girl put a hand on her arm and quickly removed it. Mikasa didn't react to the touch and kept her stoic expression as she glanced at her, somewhat tense, wondering what she wanted. She was almost a head taller than her. Maybe Petra was as short as Annie.

"If you ever need someone to... talk to…" Petra began to say in a low voice, looking at her with something that seemed like compassion, or perhaps a firm solidarity. "I want you to know that you can count on me, as a friend. I'll be right here," she finished, a friendly smile on her lips.

Mikasa resisted the urge to wrinkle her brows, confounded by her words.

"Thank you," she replied, putting a hand on her fragile shoulder and returning a barely perceptible smile. Fragile. Petra looked so physically fragile, but there was no doubt she was hiding a great strength. She was stronger than those men who captured her and tried to sell her thought she was. They had underestimated her, just as they underestimated Mikasa's mother back in the day. "I'm glad… you're doing better. See you one of these days," she said, thinking about what Levi had revealed to her. "I have to go now, it's getting late."

"Take care, Mikasa."

"You too."

She looked back. Levi, silent, was glaring at Eren with poorly concealed annoyance as he said something to him. Mikasa turned to the front, heading for the exit. She heard Eren go after her soon after. They didn't exchange a word or touch, each apparently immersed in their own world, and simply walked side by side in the middle of the night. She found it strange he didn't initiate any kind of contact, not even when they got to the hotel.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Marco Bott and Thomas Wagner were dead. Jean Kirschtein was in shock and barely remembered or understood what had happened and didn't know how he had gotten to the Trost Hospital, where they were made a verification of injuries. Annie was fine. She had no physical or emotional wounds, or so she believed. She cared about her subordinates and she felt sorry for the relatives and friends of the dead, however, she was more concerned with knowing exactly what had happened and why.

Police officers from nearby districts, accompanied by three special envoys from the Central Military Police of Mitras, made quick investigations into the damaged building. Someone had hidden explosives inside the boxes that should have contained simple files in the storeroom, therefore they concluded it had been an attack. Pure terrorism. They questioned Annie and Jean, as well as the few civilians who witnessed the explosion. In the end, the entire garrison of Trost was considered suspicious because, who else besides them had access to the storeroom located next to the head office?

Ironically, Annie was questioned for being unharmed and for having had the most convenient luck for she got out right before the explosion.

They were first interrogated individually. Then, in the midst of his confusion and despair as they were being interrogated together with the same questions, Jean had let out a somewhat unhinged laugh.

"Why the hell would I want to murder my best friend?" He had asked with a broken smile and an incredulous, resentful expression. "And I almost died there too, idiot. Do I look like a murderous, suicidal bastard?"

Annie couldn't help but watch him silently, compassionate.

The newspapers blamed the Legion the morning after the explosion. The dubious investigation also led the following night for Annie to learn, from a distressed Jean Kirschtein, that Nack Tierce had been identified with strange diligence as the perpetrator of the events. Nack was the junior policeman in the Trost garrison. He was charged with being a Legion infiltrator and sentenced to a public execution to serve as a lesson, which would be announced and take place within a week, perhaps to keep up appearances. The place of the execution was unknown. And actually it didn't really matter anymore. Annie had a hunch the poor guy really had nothing to do with it and that he would die accused of a crime he didn't commit. She also had serious suspicions about the Legion's alleged involvement in the bombing. Be that as it may, there was a real insider and possible spy at her police station. One that wasn't her, or Jean, and not that poor devil of Nack.

"As one of the directly affected, and given your rank in our institution, you have legal permission to take five days off, Officer Leonhardt," one of Mitras's special envoys had told her, making a dismissive gesture with his hand so that she withdrew from the office they had set up for interrogations in the same hospital, in which they had kept her under strict surveillance.

All these Mitras officers had a haughty bearing. They believed themselves better and superior to the policemen who carried out their duties in any district other than the capital. In terms of rank, at least they were indeed superior. They had more power, more influence, and worked under the direct orders of the king and that bloodsucker entourage of his.

Maybe in order to be fair, or to set her up despite supposedly clearing her of all suspicion, they allowed Annie to go to her apartment forty-eight hours after the night of the explosion.

Reiner Braun, a Stohess officer and an old acquaintance of hers, stopped by her apartment the third night after the attack. It was after ten o'clock, a time when it was particularly annoying to receive inopportune and unexpected visitors.

"What are you doing here?" Annie asked sharply, letting him in after a quick inspection of the empty common hall.

A visit from an old trainee partner shouldn't seem very strange, despite the time, since the official departure time for the policemen was at 7.30 for the day shift. Reiner could have traveled to Trost shortly after he finished his shift at Stohess. He gave her one of those winning smiles that worked on anyone but her. It has never had.

"Hey Annie, so long no see. What a relief to confirm that you are safe and sound after what happened at your station," he said.

"Who sent you?" She questioned, cold, as she went to her room to finish packing some of her things into a small suitcase.

Reiner followed her at a quiet pace.

"I came to see you for personal motivation, after all we're close comrades since our trainee days, aren't we?"

Close comrades. Yeah, sure.

She couldn't completely trust him. Someone could have sent him to verify facts, acquire information, and especially to finish the job in case they wanted her to be killed during the explosion. It could have been the military police itself, Kenny Ackerman or even the Legion, if her own assumptions about the rebel group's innocence were wrong.

If it had been the military police's doing, and therefore the king's, then they could be carrying out a blatant self-attack to openly incriminate the Legion and declare them the greatest public enemy of the Kingdom of Paradis, as they already were doing. On the other hand it could also mean that they discovered she was a double agent, someone who worked at the same time for them and also for the most troublesome and deranged criminal. However, had they wanted information about Kenny Ackerman, they could have forced her to say everything she knew through torture. They wouldn't have risked losing a valuable informant in a damn explosion in the first place.

If it really had been the Legion's doing, her death as one of the symbols of monarchical law enforcement would have served some purpose. The attack itself meant something, but in that case, why attack her police station and not any other where they had no infiltrators related to one of their allies? It didn't make sense. Unless they had broken the alliance with Kenny Ackerman, and they didn't want to leave loose ends that had a certain credibility and might have knowledge about their organization.

If it had been Kenny's doing, there was the possibility that he had simply gotten tired of her and looked for a different and boisterous way to get rid of a few undesirable cops, including her. With The Ripper you never knew. It could be he was too busy to bother taking care of her in person. And for him the more policemen died, the better.

Either way, the truth was that someone had wanted to harm and kill her and her comrades. One of the big fish knew she would be working late at the station that very day. What better time to try to get rid of a shady officer or a potential traitor?

Annie could still be in danger. She couldn't stay here in Trost, where they and the others knew they could find her. She closed the suitcase and studied Reiner. She was aware he had been collaborating with the Legion more than with the Ackermans lately. He was dressed in his police uniform and, curiously, didn't appear to be carrying his revolver on him. Even if he wore it or was hiding a knife, Annie had always been able to make him bite the dust. He knew it. She wasn't afraid of him, no matter how tall and hefty he was. Noticing her scrutiny, the man shook his blond head.

"I know you, Annie. I didn't bring any weapons to avoid trouble. Your kicks and sweeps are terrifying and have traumatized me for life," Reiner said lightly. He pointed to the suitcase at the foot of the bed with his unshaven chin. "You intend to run away from Trost?

"Who knows," she shrugged.

"Right... Actually, I did want to talk to you about something else besides coming to see how you were doing," Reiner admitted. "Bertholdt has done it. He got inside."

"What?"

"The king has doubled the number of guards in the Palace. Bert earned one of the spots in part thanks to his height."

"And what about it?" Annie said, apathetic, carrying the suitcase and taking it to the living room. "Do you expect me to send him a congratulatory note? Or is it that maybe he got bored of playing the good soldier and is going to do something interesting?"

Reiner smirked in response.

So, Bertholdt had decided to ally himself with the Legion. Or with Kenny. Or both, if they were still working together.

"Where will you go?"

"I'm going to stay for a few days at a friend's place in Stohess," Annie revealed.

It didn't matter if Reiner learned such general information. He had just entrusted her with valuable information about an infiltrator at the Royal Palace. It was an exchange, though not a fair one from her own part. Annie had planned to flee to some other place on the island later, without warning of her specific whereabouts. After a while and when the appropriate moment came, she hoped to embark on a journey to the mainland. To the land where her father was born.

"Will you stay at Hange Zoe's house?"

"No. I know her name, I know who she is and what she does, but I've never seen her. I have no direct contact with the Legion."

"In case you need it, you can stay at my house. I also live in Stohess, in case you forgot."

"You're a bloody cop, Reiner," Annie said, rolling her eyes. That could be one of the first places in which they would look for her if she didn't set foot in the station again after her five days of leave and if they didn't find her in her apartment. "And no, thank you, the truth is that I'm not interested in spending longer than necessary with you."

To her surprise, Reiner looked stunned and somewhat hurt. His attitude changed slightly, but a smile soon returned to his face.

"Since you're going to Stohess, you could make the trip with me instead of going out alone in the wee hours of the morning, as I imagine you intend to do. It would be much less suspicious."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The Reiss could be mentally unstable. Frieda was alive. Historia had a chance of developing Frieda's disease. Several nobles were sick bastards who abused others due to the fact they had the purchasing power and, most likely, the consent of the inept king to do whatever they wanted. Over the years, various women and children were forcibly removed from their families, witnessed the death of their loved ones and suffered because of the whims of a few. Those few who managed the island at ease and who also concentrated the largest percentage of its wealth.

Find Frieda. Make the monarchy and the hereditary nobility disappear. Choose your own leaders. Reveal the more than dirty rags of those who are above everyone and everything else. Perhaps the Legion could accomplish those goals.

Eren quickly made himself a recharged blend of valerian, passiflora and a touch of morphine. He expected to sleep like a log. It would be his last break before he began to reflect more clearly on his next steps, away from the initial shock and unease. Just before drinking it, he offered Mikasa some of the somniferous mixture, but she declined his offer without looking at him as she folded some garments. She exhibited that lack of expression she wore when she didn't want anyone to be able to decipher her emotions or whatever was going through her head. An attitude similar to the one she had had at first, when they were just beginning to meet.

She has already found out. Levi must have told her. Mikasa despises me now, Eren told himself, gloomy, for the third or fourth time since they had left Hange Zoe's house. The mixture began to take effect as soon as he laid his head on the pillow. That was exactly what he wanted and needed.

Eren had made sure to hang a 'do not disturb' tag on the knob shortly after they entered the room, and after waking up the next morning, he noticed an envelope being carefully slid under the bedroom door. Somehow, he foresaw they might have interrupted his sleep in the morning. A hotel worker would have knocked on his door to deliver the message into his own hands, had he not hung the tag outside.

He sat down on the edge of the chaise longue, with defeated air, at Mikasa's feet. He found her sleeping there instead of next to him on the bed. It was a clear gesture of rejection that discouraged him more than he already was, but he understood. He held up the fine-billed paper he had taken from the envelope as he gazed at the still figure of the woman he had fallen in love with, covered in a delicate, colorful duvet folded in two. One night they slept together, they kissed, and the next night they hardly spoke to each other and didn't even share a bed. That was how ephemeral what germinated between the two of them had been.

It was fair enough, Eren believed, for he didn't deserve anything she could give him.

She made a slight noise, a kind of complaint during her sleep, and ran a hand over her nose with a pout. The adorable gesture only added to Eren's sense of guilt and despair. He imagined Mikasa as a child. The only image he had of her at that age came to mind, when he first saw her in the Ackermans' lair while he was also a kid.

"Uncle Kenny, who is he?" Little Mikasa had asked, peering through the crack in the door.

That girl had lost her parents a year before that moment thanks to the fact that there were scoundrels willing to pay to enslave people like her and her mother. Humans of the worst kind who saw others as a consumer good, as beings whom they could deprive of their freedom whenever they pleased according to their sick whims. Toys to play with until they get bored and then get rid of. Disposable things. The bastards who had done that to Mikasa and to so many other people were the same ones Eren ended up rubbing shoulders with for years, and so did his father.

If only Grisha hadn't caught the attention of Rod Reiss thanks to his skill. If only Eren hadn't been so stubborn and gave up his informal medical studies and his father's guidance after Mom died, then he wouldn't have stood out either and now he wouldn't be feeling so disgusted to help and save the lives of animals that, from his point of view, had simply lost all right to be saved. If Carla hadn't gotten sick, Eren would never have ventured to learn beyond the basics of medicine, like how to prevent a stupid wound from getting infected. He could have become a good-for-nothing, a loose cannon as he sometimes assumed he would end up as when he had no fucking clue of what to do with his life after his definitive abandonment of childhood. When he thought that maybe he didn't even have a specific place and role in the world.

Mikasa stretched and opened her eyes, immediately noticing him and the paper he was holding in his hands, wincing slightly. She fiddled with or searched for something she might not want him to see under a pillow and then pulled the duvet up to her neck. Daylight streaming through the window bathed her pale face. Her thick black lashes rose and fell. She didn't say anything.

"Did you sleep all night here?" Eren asked softly. "I hope you haven't been cold... I can sleep here tonight, and you in the bed."

The chaise lounge looked comfortable, but the mattress was definitely better.

She rubbed her eyes.

"I'll sleep here again," she said as she sat up and cleared her throat.

She was disheveled and a little haggard. Eren restrained the urge to brush the strands from her face in a caress and to run his fingers through her silky hair, but Mikasa was already doing all that herself.

"The bed is more comfortable…"

"You heard me already," she seemed jaded and sad. It had to be his fault. "From now on I'll sleep here and that's it. Don't... Don't tell me what to do."

From now on. It was over. Eren's stomach was already in a knot. Mikasa continued to blink as if she was still struggling to wake up. She glanced down at the rug and her face scrunched up as she turned it to the single bright source of light in the room.

"What is that you have there?" She asked, watching him sidelong.

Eren gave her the blunt message he had received, for her to see it for herself.

"The ten o'clock patient canceled his appointment," he said in a nonchalant tone as Mikasa read with a frown.

"'I have decided... to dispense of your services'" she read in a low voice, raising her eyebrows."'Your inadmissible behavior…'"

"It's because of the scandal we made in the house of that nobleman, Axel. I already imagined that it could have such a consequence."

Mikasa put the paper on top of the duvet. She raised her knees and hugged them. She brought her thumb to her mouth and nibbled weakly at her nail, a slow, lazy nibble, staring blankly. She wasn't trying hard to seem stoic the way she did last night.

"Levi told you everything, didn't he?" Eren dared to ask with his heart in a fist.

A stupid question, since it was obvious Levi had told her, why else would Mikasa have decided to sleep away from him? Surely even his presence disgusted her now, aware that he had been helping and working for those who could have financed the tragedy of her life. There was a hint of surprise and disappointment in her beautiful dark eyes, as expected. Eren met her gaze, but soon he was the first to give in. He was ashamed of his ignorance and his indirect complicity with those guilty. He had helped to keep them in good health, to prolong their damn lives, and thus had given them the opportunity to continue their nauseating deeds.

She licked her lips.

"I don't understand, Eren, why…?" Mikasa stopped mid-sentence, took a deep breath and pressed her legs against her chest as she exhaled, closing her eyes. "We can no longer continue with this... I can't. Not like this."