Special thanks to Guest (1), AverageJoeker, Erenoiega, Tr0mb0n3t and Guest(2) for taking their time to leave feedback for the past chapter! People haven't been too prone to review on this site in general (compared to AO3 lately) so I really appreciate those who do~
Selena (micasaas, kaekiro) as always helped me out with checking over this chapter's Engrish :') I love her so much!
Without further ado, welcome to some more eremika fuckery :D
LAWLESS
Chapter 21. Audacity (Part I)
Eren flipped the page of the newspaper. He was sitting in an armchair with his elbows propped on his spread legs while he waited for Mikasa, who was deciding on one of the various evening dresses that a middle-aged assistant had brought her. He couldn't see her from where he was, outside the short hallway of fitting rooms that had two cubicles on either side of it, covered by a thick, shiny curtain of golden brocade.
The newspaper delivered junk information about events in the life of the Paradisian high society, in which fortunately they didn't mention them. There was a note about the winner of a target shooting competition, some fictional short stories matched by illustrations, and a report on the possible importation of a new means of transport called automobile thanks to the negotiations Elliot Stratmann - whose appearance in the photograph was that of a haughty and severe man - was performing at Marley. That was Carly Stratmann's father, the woman who would host the party. He was the same person who had tried unsuccessfully to build railway lines on the island a few years ago. Just as Eren had figured, this family must have a lot of money. He flipped through the rest of the newspaper and found no mention of the crimes blamed on the Legion. It could be that there were no updates on the matter or that perhaps the editorial line of this particular newspaper wasn't interested in those topics, because Eren hadn't even seen morbid news about accidents or anything. On the last pages there were riddles and alphabet soup games.
Mikasa's assistant came out of the fitting room carrying two dresses, a light blue and a bottle green one.
"Discarded?" Eren asked, closing and rolling up the newspaper.
"Yes, my lord," the woman answered with a smile, passing the dresses to another young woman who came quickly to her side. Eren avoided correcting her calling him 'my lord,' it was known that people who worked in expensive specialty shops like this always tried to exalt their customers in some way. "Lady Margot has decided on the wonderful black evening dress. We will only have to make a few small changes so that it fits perfectly to her beautiful figure."
"We need it for Saturday. Do you think the changes to be made will be ready by then?"
"Of course, my lord. Would you rather come get it or have it shipped to your residency?"
"We're staying at the Stohess Hotel," Eren pointed out, giving her his name and his room number to receive the shipment. She took notes in a notepad.
Mikasa didn't come out or call him to the cubicle to show him the new dress. While he was waiting, Eren saw another couple who had been there before them, and the girl would send for her boyfriend or whatever he was all the time for him to help her choose one or to fill her with slobbery compliments. The couple withdrew all giggles later, swinging their clasped hands. In contrast to them, Eren and Mikasa must have seemed like a bitter and quarreling old couple.
A black evening dress matches the mood, Eren thought, casting a jaded glance at the fitting rooms. Are you not interested in acting right now, Mikasa? When it's worth it?
It wasn't that he was dying to see what the dress she had chosen looked like and how it fit her, exactly. He had no idea about women's fashion and didn't consider his opinion on it to be relevant or necessary, but after seeing that other couple of fools...
"We will most likely have it ready by tomorrow Friday afternoon, my lord. We are known for providing a work of excellence and diligence."
Eren was guided by the assistant to sign for the order and pay for the garment at the counter, where the sleek owner of the elegant and exclusive boutique was located. Eren was unfazed when he saw the high price. He disbursed and handed over the money with a careless air. The owner gave him the stamped copy of the payment voucher with a complacent smile as he seemed to study him from behind his little glasses.
"It's a great pleasure for us that you have chosen our products to treat your lady, Doctor Jaeger."
Eren tucked the voucher into the outer pocket of his medical bag, not bothering to correct the man and tell him that it was actually his girlfriend who chose this place.
"Thank you," he replied, apathetic. "It's the loveliest dress I've ever seen her in."
Mikasa appeared next to him with one of her feigned smiles. Eren had learned to spot them from a mile away. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a short, dry peck on the lips. Even shorter than the one she had given him at Mrs. Schulz's. Eren took a deep breath and gritted his teeth.
"Thanks for waiting for me, darling," she whispered, sickly-sweet.
He barely managed to form something short of a smile.
"No need, love."
Mikasa widened her smile. She said goodbye to the owner and the assistant, grabbed Eren by the hand and led him between the mannequins and customers towards the exit.
"I don't want you to kiss me anymore." Eren whispered as soon as they were far away enough from the rest of the people on the street. He couldn't hold back. "Enough of that."
She slowed down, looked at him in bewilderment and then tried to release her hand. He didn't let her.
"Let go of me…"
Eren's heart skipped a beat.
"Do you understand why I ask you not to?"
"I really don't understand what you want, Eren," Mikasa hissed, refusing to gaze at him. "Let go of me."
He released her from his grasp and she increased the speed of her steps, leaving him behind. Eren felt like a rock fell into his stomach and he hurried to catch up with her. He should have used other words. He had to explain to her that he couldn't bear to be kissed as part of an act. That, even if it was just a simple brush of lips, it hurted him. He had to tell her.
Please, don't kiss me if it won't mean anything to you.
"Wait! Listen, I-"
"I don't want to talk to you."
Eren bit his tongue to keep from calling her name. They were still in the middle of the street, not far from the Hotel, and it was already dark. The lampposts were on. He pulled out and unrolled the red scarf he had tucked into his bag before leaving. Snuggling into the garment, he breathed in the searing scent of Mikasa still permeating it. She had offered to wash it before returning it with a little "thank you" that morning. Eren couldn't refuse the return. It was hard to realize once again that she no longer wanted anything serious with him, nor did she want anything from him, like his favorite scarf.
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It took them several minutes of travel to reach a beautiful, three-story and double-height estate to tend to the second patient on Friday. The uptight and solemn butler who greeted them reminded Mikasa of the hotel receptionist. The man led them through the hall and then into the living room, where a lush girl with curly blonde hair so light it almost looked white was waiting for them. Her disdainful gray eyes scanned Mikasa from head to toe.
"My Lady Theresa, Dr. Eren Jaeger and his companion, Miss Margot Protz, have arrived."
Only then did Theresa get to her feet, stretched out her splendid peach dress, and came over to them. She first reached out a slim hand to Eren and grinned at him, showing dazzling perfect teeth.
"Good afternoon, Eren. It's been a long time since we last saw each other…" She said in a lovey-dovey voice, leaning over so he could get a better angle of her generous cleavage.
Mikasa gave her a bored and annoyed glance. Her attempted flirtation was too obvious and pathetic. There were men who fell for much less, of course. Curious, she noticed very well how Eren reacted to this situation, and it gave her the impression he was disregarding the girl on purpose. Would he have ventured to snoop lower if Mikasa hadn't been there? Be that as it may, she felt a hint of satisfaction and relief when he shook instead of kissing the hand Theresa had extended to him.
Judging by the twitch in her profiled brows, the bare touch didn't make the hostess happy.
"Ah. It must have been a long time since then, because the truth is that I don't even remember. I have too many patients." Eren said with evident lack of interest. Theresa's proud countenance cracked as he diverted his attention upstairs. "Is your mother's room on the second floor?"
"Indeed, go up. The butler will guide you so you don't get lost, since you no longer remember," she said with a wave of her hand, completely abandoning the tone she had used when greeting him. "My mother is waiting for you."
Eren took a step towards Mikasa before heading to the bottom of the sleek stairs. Locking his now dubious gaze with hers, he caressed her cheek with his thumb and moved closer to her. Mikasa couldn't help a small shudder at the light and affectionate touch on her skin. She longed for him, no matter how angry and hurt she was at his contradictory behavior. He whispered in her ear:
"This is one of the most pampered and irritating rich girls that I know," so Eren did remember this girl... and he had the nerve to lie to that girl's face. "I promise that I'll try to delay as little as possible. In general, her mother has never had anything complex, she's rather pure hypochondria."
The warmth of his breath brought her the recent memory of his fiery kisses. Kisses that he no longer wanted to give her and even less to receive from her. Mikasa shooed away the physical remnants of those evocations as best she could and nodded. She followed Eren with her eyes until he disappeared down the left fork of the wide staircase, without taking her fingers off from the cheek that he had caressed.
He could be a good liar...
"Your boyfriend should learn some manners," Theresa complained with her arms on her hips. She was almost as tall as her. "No wonder that, instead of women of good family who have taken an interest in him, he ended up getting involved with someone like you."
"By women of good family, as you say, I suppose you mean yourself?" She interjected, turning around and going to sit in one of the immaculate white soft couches in the living room. This girl was already showing her open hostility and it sure would bother her if Mikasa decided to take a seat on her own. "You may be the one who should learn manners in the first place, Theresa."
Theresa followed her, tapping her heels on the parquet floor.
"Why do you have to come with him and wait here? This is my house and nobody invited you or promised to receive you. This is not a social gathering! Can't you let go of his cock even when he's busy doing his job?"
Mikasa raised her eyebrows at that last question. She crossed her legs and adjusted her skirt, always maintaining a firm and upright posture. How old was this spoiled girl? She didn't think she could be younger than her, although she was behaving like a child throwing a tantrum because they haven't given her everything she wanted. Eren, for example.
"It's exactly like you said: I can't let go of his cock even when he works." Her face twitched imperceptibly when she repeated those words. It sounded horrible, but she didn't care about what that brat thought.
She heard her blow air through her nostrils as if she was trying to calm herself to not to give in to exasperation. Mikasa brushed a lock of hair from her face. Theresa went to sit on the front sofa without stopping glaring at her, from where she demanded black tea in an unpleasant pitch. A maid soon arrived with a tray and a fine porcelain tea set painted with gold details. She served both of them tea and Mikasa thanked her. When the maid asked her landlady if she needed anything else, Theresa ordered her to leave.
"I should kick you out of here," Theresa muttered, raising the cup to her lips.
"Kick me out, then." Mikasa took a carefree sip of her tea.
"Not yet," she replied with a sour expression. "Not until I make you feel uncomfortable enough that you want to leave on your own."
Spoiled rich people had always existed, however Mikasa didn't imagine they could get to this shameful level. Her display of lowliness was so ridiculous that she might have laughed a little if she had been in a better mood. Theresa had to be quite a character among her people.
"I love him," the girl began to say all of a sudden, swallowing all the tea and leaving the cup and saucer on a side table. "I've wanted him since the first time I saw him, when I had a fever three years ago... Never I had met such a young physician before, and neither had one of them treated me with such dedication and care as Eren did. You have no idea how many times I deliberately looked for ways to get sick from anything in order to see him again, but when I did, he wasn't always the doctor who could come. It was a martyrdom."
"Why are you telling me this?" Mikasa questioned, expressionless. "I don't care."
"So you know I saw him first. And that before even putting a hand on you, he touched me," she rested her hand on her cleavage, giving dramatic emphasis to her words.
But what kind of conversation was this? The amount of stupid things someone could blurt out out of spite was unbelievable.
"Eren's had to see and touch tens or hundreds before you or me, like any doctor does," she replied, weary.
Theresa gave her a mean smile.
"Oh, but, what are you saying? So Eren's got his hands on all his patients down there, besides me?" She chuckled. "He caressed me, you know where, and more than once."
Mikasa tried not to show what Theresa's mocking and poisonous words caused to her. She was unable to ignore what she had just heard, regardless of whether she had said it with the clear intention of provoking her and making her feel ill.
The fact that Eren sometimes examined and saw a naked woman, like in the case of Hannah during her complicated labor, didn't make her uncomfortable and it didn't translate into a problem for Mikasa, since what he did in that area was marked by his professionalism and nothing more. If physicians worked with the diseases and ailments of the human body, then there were times when it was inevitable that they would face, observe, and examine those bodies in their entirety. Nevertheless, Theresa hadn't meant a medical exam or anything like that, on the contrary, she had given her words an intimate emphasis... She could be lying, of course.
But if it were true, did it really matter? Eren could have done and still could do whatever he wanted with anyone else. His past was none of her business. His present… neither, since they had no romantic commitment to each other. They were nothing. Not seriously.
"Bah, are you not going to say anything?"
Yesterday Eren had told her not to kiss him anymore. Would there come a time when Eren would pretend she was a stranger too? A time when he would act as indifferent to her as he did to this girl, with whom he had shared a greater degree of intimacy?
"You must be very good at fucking, Margot." Theresa said aloud, looking at her as if she were the worst scum she had ever seen in her life. "I wonder at what age you learned…"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Mikasa mumbled.
"From your features, I'd say that you either sailed here in search of easy money, or a slut from the East Sea conceived you in one of the brothels on this island, right? I'd bet anything that you had to whore yourself for years until you could raise enough money to buy a decent dress and then you got, by who knows which naughty and indecent means, the way to sneak into the Royal Ball and seduce Eren. In the end nothing in your life as a slut was in vain. I mean, the experience gained has done you wonders! I congratulate you for getting the attention and favor of the great-looking Dr. Jaeger who, it has become more than clear to me, is only with you thanks to your…" she twisted her mouth into an unpleasant sneer "... great skills in the bedroom."
Hearing insult after insult, Mikasa had dragged a trembling hand through her skirt to the leather strap that tied the knife to one of her thighs. She didn't really mean to use it, she just needed to feel it as a reminder. If that stupid woman knew what she was capable of. If she had the slightest idea of who she really was, the things she had seen and done, and who had raised her, she would never have dared to disrespect her like that or tell her all that malicious crap about what her life might well have become, under the worst circumstances.
She stood up with a queasy stomach. Her muscles were tense.
"Who... do you think you are?" She hissed.
Had she been in a less emotionally compromised situation, she might have been able to prevent that verbiage from affecting her. Yet it was unacceptable that this rich brat believed she had the right to refer to her mother in a derogatory way, and to bring up a sensitive subject for her so lightly.
How dare she?
"Do you know how they refer to you in our circles, especially after learning about the disgusting scandal you made in the house of the respected and honorable Axel von Bassermann-Jordan?" She asked in a singsong, spreading her rancid smile and curling a hand to the side of her mouth, a meter from her. "They call you for what you are: a whore. The Doctor's whore. Eren Jaeger's bitch. Things like that. You are quite a celebrity!"
Before slapping across Theresa's annoying perfect face and giving in to the urge to break her nose, or rather her neck so she wouldn't have to hear her utter a word ever again, Mikasa heard Eren call her by her fake name.
Eren hurried down the stairs and measured them both for a few seconds, perhaps wondering what might have been going on.
"We can go now," he announced, his face concerned as he stopped at Mikasa's.
"You have finished examining my mother so quickly?" Theresa asked. "You should charge us for half an hour, at most."
"Do as you like. Pay me half, a quarter, or don't pay me anything," Eren replied, leaning an arm on Mikasa's middle back to guide her to the entrance. "I prefer to save myself the trouble of discussing fees on my last visit anyway."
"The last-? Why?!"
"Your mother fired me," he concluded, and Theresa demanded to know more even though Eren showed no intention of elaborating, or of staying a minute longer.
Mikasa managed to breathe more normally and moved a little away from him as soon as they stepped foot out of that damn estate. The coachman Eren hired was waiting for them on the dirt road a few meters from the property. He greeted them with a small bow, opening the carriage door for them.
"What happened?" Eren asked after a few minutes of travel. "Are you alright? Why do you have that face?"
"Did this patient fire you... for the same reason the other one did?"
"Mikasa…"
"Answer me."
"Yeah." Eren conceded. "Now you answer me."
"What happened is that that girl is insufferable. Nothing else." She leaned on one side of the window, through which she saw a plantation, trees and small hills with houses. "I'll do what you suggested and I'll no longer enter the houses of your patients. I'm not willing to tolerate their fuss."
"What did she say to you?"
Mikasa turned her head towards him.
"That I didn't have to go in and wait at her house or go with you to other people's houses while you were working. That I wasn't invited. And she's right."
Eren scrutinized her face with furrowed brows. Mikasa looked down at the red scarf he was wearing around his neck, the one that she had returned and seen him put on after the brief argument they had last night. That same scarf with which he wrapped her while she sobbed for her parents and brother, and for herself, in the ramshackle and odd abandoned cabin. Eren had been… so sweet and understanding with her.
"That was all of it?" He asked, still gazing at her.
"Should she have told me something else?" Mikasa sounded weak.
"It just gives me the impression that you are omitting things."
Just like you omit things, Eren?
"She treated me badly. She was very rude. I won't repeat the other things she told me."
Eren shifted on the side of his seat.
"That girl…" he muttered. "I should've imagined that someone like her could insult you for no reason. I should've done something to prevent you from having to go through that."
"You promised me that you would take as little time as possible and you complied" She said a little distant.
"Right, but you don't deserve mistreatment, much less coming from spoiled rich brats who have never moved a damn finger for anyone…" He seemed upset. "Sorry, Mikasa."
There were other things she didn't deserve either. Mikasa gave a little nod and turned to the windows' landscape. They were back in the urban area of Stohess.
"Your patient, the mother of this girl, how did she treat you when she fired you?"
"She treated me... well," Eren answered in a quiet voice. "At the end she only told me that thanks for everything, but that she preferred to be cared for by a less young and impulsive doctor."
Good for him, but Mikasa almost snorted at the disparity.
So, Eren was simply described as young and impulsive, and she was denigrated and treated as a whore, despite the fact they had both been protagonists of the same scandalous act. The worst and funniest thing was that everything was based on mere staging so well executed, that several of the 'illustrious' inhabitants of Paradis were convinced Mikasa was nothing more and nothing less than a slut.
The whore of the young and impulsive Eren Jaeger.
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The day of the shady party had arrived. It was Saturday and Eren tried not to book patients on the weekends, so he stayed in bed until after ten in the morning. Had he been in another district, he might have gone out to help someone who needed the services of a doctor, although he hadn't felt like doing that lately. He stretched his arms and legs in a figure that reminded him of starfishes. He wanted fall and winter to go by quickly so he could take a trip to the beach and lay like this on the sun-warmed sand, digging his fingers through the millions of tiny grains, doing nothing while the wind brought droplets of salty water while in the background he heard the relaxing sway of the waves, Armin's laughter and, if possible, Mikasa's rare, melodious laughter as well.
The bad news was that the panorama with Mikasa didn't look too encouraging, not even to fulfill a simple wish like a friendly trip to the beach, which would take months before it happened. Eren had to stop being so selfish and silly as to continue wanting to be with her, especially when he was aware he didn't deserve to have her by his side. Why was it so difficult to put a definitive stop to his chimeras? She didn't even want to be with him seriously. It was time to accept it and not feed on illusions, like the ones he had when she kissed him at Mrs. Schulz's house. Reality hurt more than it angered him later.
The hotel bed was a little bigger than the one he had in his apartment. It was a waste Mikasa didn't want to sleep in it. The stubborn girl had spent her third night on the damn chaise longue, not wanting to change place, and it sure wasn't that comfortable at all compared to a bed made for two. If they hadn't gone to Hange Zoe's the other day, maybe today they could have woken up hugging like a real couple. Mikasa would have smiled after he kissed her good morning… Eren let out a small groan of frustration, lazily grabbed a pillow and crushed it against his face. Enough. He had to stop thinking about these things. Why couldn't he make himself stop waiting and wanting more? And why the hell had he woken up so needy in the first place?
Rather than fantasize and whimper internally about what he couldn't have with her, Eren should be focusing on his own rage and the best way to make scoundrels like Aurille pay for their crimes, and stop them from having a chance to commit them once and for all. If he had agreed to continue tending to human garbage, it was because he intended to take action on the matter. He wasn't interested in playing to the beat of the Legion.
"What are you doing?" He heard Mikasa asking him from somewhere.
"Nothing," he said, his response drowned out by the pillow he still had on top of him.
He thought he heard the door open and close. He flinched when something hard hit his stomach. Frowning, he lifted the pillow and saw that it was a rolled up newspaper. He tossed the pillow aside and sat up. Mikasa carried the heavy breakfast tray and walked to the table next to the blinding daylight that filtered through the window. Her long legs showed through the white camisole she was wearing. Eren flopped back onto the mattress again, this time covering his face with the duvet. This had to be some kind of punishment, right? Sharing a room with Mikasa, having her so close to him, having kissed her more than once until suddenly, poof!, it was over. But she continued to keep him company, and she had kissed him again a couple of times with a simple brush of lips without understanding that, for him, it was nothing more than a cruel torture.
Why did he want her and no one but her? He had never experienced anything like this.
"If you don't come for breakfast I'll eat your share."
"I'll take revenge if you do," he warned with a weak growl as he pretended to stretch and rolled over himself, turning his back to her. "I'll go eat something later, in like five more minutes."
He later discovered with relief that Mikasa didn't eat his share of the breakfast. The water and milk had cooled down, and she had locked herself in the bathroom saying she would take a while.
Eren noticed that the large cardboard box tied with a red ribbon that contained Mikasa's dress was still closed. She hadn't even opened it to make sure it was the same dress she had picked. Yesterday they found it on the bed with a huge red rose, which was now inside a small glass vase on the table. Mikasa should have taken the dress out of it by now, at least to hang it up. Eren wondered what kind of crap that dumb, spoiled Theresa brat might have told her to make her decide not to follow him into his patients' houses again, and even apparently ruining part of her motivation to attend the Stratmann heiress' party.
Mikasa came out from behind a carved wooden room divider with her dress on at around seven in the afternoon, and Eren gaped at her like an idiot. It was a piece of black embroidered lace that exposed her clavicles and snowy shoulders as it covered her firm, slender arms, exceeding her wrists by a couple of centimeters. The intricate fabric hugged her waist perfectly, falling with grace to her ankles. Black suited her just as well as red, maybe even better. It matched her quiet, reserved and enigmatic essence. If Mikasa had ordered him to kneel before her like the simple commoner he was, Eren would have done it without putting buts. He was completely done for.
She came to him, cursing and turning as she tucked her long hair onto one shoulder, clearing his view of her upper back and her bare shoulders. Eren didn't understand why or what she did that for, but he felt some sort of gratitude for it.
"Eren?" Mikasa called him with some impatience.
"Yeah?"
"Are you going to help me or not?"
"Huh?"
Then he realized she needed to close two small lined buttons of the dress, that she couldn't close by herself. Eren tucked the penultimate, coarse button into the respective buttonhole. He took a few moments to gaze at Mikasa's slim neck and the curve between the base of it and her shoulders. He fought the urge to wrap an arm around her waist and bring her to him for a kiss and a loose bite on her neck, to taste her smooth and lush-looking skin with his lips. Instead, he grasped the last button between his thumb and forefinger and, as he slipped it into its buttonhole, he purposely brushed her skin with the backs of his fingers. He could see her scapulae react with a slight flinch. Mikasa didn't walk away from him immediately when he finished his task, so Eren took her hair with care and brought it back to its place, where it covered the buttons like a black silk curtain.
"Done," he told her.
Mikasa thanked him in a low voice, went to sit in front of the vanity dresser and began to put on makeup. Eren had already showered, shaved and all that remained was to put on his suit and shoes. In the meantime, he took the newspaper she had thrown at him in the morning and lay down on the chaise longue, ankles crossed. He opened the newspaper and pretended to read as he scanned the reflection of Mikasa's face in the mirror, above the paper. The faded application of makeup accentuated her beautiful dark eyes and gave them a certain dramatic touch. He suddenly imagined her with actual dramatic makeup, the kind that actors used in the theater. He visualized her in the dim light of a stage, drawing the glances of a captivated audience. Mikasa knew how to act. Could she also sing?
"Are you thinking of going dressed like that?" She asked suddenly, tapping her face with a sponge with whitish powder. "It will be eight o'clock in less than half an hour."
"No, I'll change my clothes," Eren put the newspaper aside. "By the way, the other day you said you had to start reading the newspapers, but I haven't seen you grab any of the ones I bought."
Mikasa painted her lips. There was something about her that seemed to have changed since her clash with Theresa, and Eren had a hard time pinning down what. Things between them had already taken a tumble with the visit to Hange's house, and Mikasa's behavior had become distant and avoidant when they were alone, but he sensed that something else was going on with her.
"You've been reading them," Mikasa said.
"And what if I stop doing it?"
She shrugged in response and retouched her eyeliner. Then she combed her hair, taking care not to catch the bristles of the brush with the lace of her dress, and opened the dresser drawer, from which she took out a narrow tiara with silver filigree that she put on her head with delicate fingers. She also put on some earrings similar to the tiara, two silver tears. After supervising and approving her own appearance in the mirror, Mikasa got up from the stool. She raised an eyebrow, giving Eren a reproachful look for continuing to lie on the chaise longue.
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Mikasa looked like a dark queen conceived by the night sky. She walked arm in arm with Eren with her chin raised slightly as they passed among the other guests, as if she was daring them to even say a word to her. A few men and women regarded them with friendly curiosity, smiling and nodding in greeting or raising their glasses as if to toast. Most were so engrossed in their own affairs, drinking, smoking, telling stories, and laughing at their own jokes that they paid no attention to them. Unlike other parties Eren had attended, this one felt a lot more casual and relaxed. Most of the guests were overjoyed. There were also people dressed in a somewhat bizarre way, like a woman who passed in front of them wearing a huge headdress of feathers dyed in different colors on top of her head. One of her feathers brushed Eren's forehead. That would never have been acceptable at one of the typical parties where outright snobbery prevailed.
The temperature inside the Stratmann mansion resembled that of a summer night. A man was playing a beautiful, soft piano tune that resonated in the chamber. The air smelled of a mixture of vanilla, mint, and chocolate flavored fine cigarette smoke. Eren was surprised to catch a fragrant hint of hashish as well, which he discovered was sneaking between the double doors of a room where only a few guests entered, and from where a few spirited screams, hysterical laughter and coughing fits could be heard.
Eren felt a little squeeze on his arm.
"Do you smell that?" Mikasa asked. Her disposition had relaxed a bit.
"Yeah, hashish. That must be the shady area," he smiled.
"So it seems," she agreed, and also smiled. "No giant orgies."
"And how do you know that? Did you take a look inside yet?"
Mikasa gave him a light hit on the arm. They passed under a portal and came to an area with several couches lit by two chandeliers. To one side were three tables where groups of four to six people played cards while drinking and smoking cigarettes or huge cigars. A tall woman with short blonde hair, dressed in a suit and tie, had another woman sitting on her lap as she nibbled on a cigar and shuffled cards. She silenced another player without any tact and the woman on her lap chortled. In the far corner of the tables, two men were hugging and kissing. Eren blinked and stared at the women playing poker and the two men, then he thought that Ymir and Historia could come to one of these parties and openly behave like the couple they were without any issues. No one judged or harassed them. Nobody seemed to care.
Music played louder and frenetic from the next room, which was entered through another pair of double doors with large brass handles. Eren leaned towards Mikasa.
"Do you want to go see what's going on in the ballroom or go somewhere else?"
"I saw a long table with cocktails in the chamber we passed. Let's go for drinks and then let's see what to do," she said aloud so he could hear her over the murmur.
.
Eren took a crystal mug filled with mulled wine that was offered to him by a waiter as he passed and stood a few meters from the cocktail table, which was mostly being assaulted by a bunch of lively women. A man with straight blond hair was helping to serve the drinks. Mikasa was approached by three smiling women with rosy cheeks who showed her wide and flattened glasses, which had a reddish liquid inside, while to one side of Eren a group of men with their tongues loosened by alcohol talked about things to which he couldn't and didn't want to pay attention to. He stirred his mug of wine and took a delicious sip.
Giving in to an insistent look, which wasn't Mikasa's, Eren ran into an aristocratic young man sitting on a sofa, who nodded at him in greeting. He encircled the waist of a woman leaning on his armrest. Eren mimicked the greeting and turned to keep an eye on Mikasa, who was keeping a small friendly smile and conversing with the other women with ease and charm, as if she was used to socializing on that level with strangers.
A couple of new girls joined the small group and Mikasa seemed to become the center of attention. They pointed to or touched her dress, face, and hair. Eren assumed they must be complimenting her due to the way Mikasa reacted. They giggled with malicious expressions when she said something covering her mouth, like someone telling a secret, while with her other hand she held a wide glass in which was left a bit of the same reddish cocktail that had been shown to her before. Every so often she would cast glances in Eren's direction, either to keep him in sight, as he did with her, or to make her performance more complete. As the group began to drink a second round of that mysterious cocktail, Eren noticed Mikasa's cheeks had flushed like those of her companions. Her eyelids were drooping and her smile had become a little looser. Alerted, Eren straightened up and thought it best to go take away from her the second glass of whatever she was drinking. A hand on his shoulder stopped him before he could take a step.
"Eren Jaeger, am I wrong?" It was the same young man who had greeted him a while ago. "I'm Erick Dahl, son of Stefan Dahl. My father was a patient of yours."
Eren stopped to look at him closely for the first time, but he was unfamiliar. He did believe he had heard his father mention some Mr. Dahl sometime. He held out his hand and Erick shook it.
"I've met too many people and there's honestly no way I can remember who your father was, or who you are."
Erick nodded with an amused grin.
"All good, it was several years ago," he put his hands in the pockets of his pants. He was slightly shorter than Eren and had light brown hair. He noticed that his brown eyes flitted towards Mikasa. "At that time I lived in Mitras with my family. The last time your father made an emergency visit to mine, he took you with him. You must have been about fourteen. I greeted you and all you did was scowl at me as if you were saying 'who the hell are you?' And you kept walking behind your father, carrying his bag."
Eren shrugged.
"Guess I'm sorry," he said, taking another sip of wine and making sure that Mikasa stayed where she was. She was laughing for real, heartily. That couldn't be acting. Beside him, Erick chuckled.
"It was a small blow to the ego because everyone else had always wanted to be my friend, but you were very busy in your affairs, in the style of a serious adult and with no time or desire to make friends with brats like me," Erick gave a step further to him. "Then I found out that you had lost your mother not long ago, so I understood. I'm so sorry for your loss."
At the mention of his mother, Eren frowned. He hadn't expected someone to mention her in a context like this.
"Thanks," he said, curt.
"My father also died a few years ago."
"My condolences."
"It's okay, the old man was a son of a bitch. Now there's one less asshole on this island."
Eren snorted. If so, he wouldn't be the first or the last asshole and son of a bitch who both his father and him had had to tend to. It was unfortunate there were still some of them left.
"In that case, congratulations," he said, squeezing the handle of his mug.
Erick smiled and motioned towards Mikasa. "Your girlfriend is gorgeous. No wonder you're unable to take your eyes off her."
Not knowing what to answer, Eren met the gaze of Mikasa and all the women in her group. Mikasa gestured with her nearly empty glass in his direction, then flirtatiously winked at him and blew him a kiss with a bit discolored lips. Eren raised his eyebrows and his mouth parted as she laughed heartily with her new friends. He avoided her gaze and glowered when he felt himself blush.
Did she really just do that?
There was no way Mikasa had gotten drunk on just two glasses of punch or whatever that thing was, right? He had seen her drink a few liters of beer without a problem. It could be that she had downplayed or concealed the effects back then. It could also be that the punch had too high an alcohol content. The rest of the women appeared to be quite drunk and fanned their faces. One of them smirked at a guy and went over to him, not wobbling one bit. That detail was strange to him. It only took a short flirtation for the two apparent strangers to start making out and fondling each other in a corner, while Mikasa stroked her neck and gazed at Eren so eagerly she was already starting to make him nervous.
"That girl has you eating from the palm of her hand, huh?" Erick laughed.
Without finishing drinking what was left of his mulled wine, Eren set the mug on the tray of a waiter.
"Talk to you later, Erick," he said and started towards Mikasa, but Erick stopped him again, which irritated him.
"I know her type," he murmured in a serious tone and Eren almost rolled his eyes. "They're gold diggers or power and influence chasers. They manipulate you with their beauty, their charms and sex. You have a great time but then you end up doing what they want. They turn you into their lap dog. They use you until you no longer serve them and discard you... In the process they break your heart into a thousand pieces. Be careful with her."
"I'll keep that in mind," Eren said so that the guy would leave him alone.
Mikasa wasn't one of those gold diggers or anything like that, but that she had the power to break his heart into a thousand pieces, of course she did.
"Eren!" Mikasa called him, who had come to his side at some point. She entwined her fingers with his and, energized, guided him through the small poker lounge to where the music was coming from. "I want to go dancing!"
He was carried away by her. As they passed through the double doors, they were struck by smoke that drifted like a light mist under the soft, warm light of three out of seven lit crystal pendant lamps. The vaulted ceiling rose about three meters above their heads. Thick and large candles in the hands of four winged statues illuminated each of the corners of the room. There were about sixty or more people dancing near the small orchestra of musicians: a piano, four violins, two cellos, a contrabass, and a harp. At that moment only the violins and cellos could be heard in a melody so fast and exalted people jumped as they hooked themselves from one arm to the other, beaming.
Eren went after Mikasa so as not to lose her when she gave him an enthusiastic gesture and dared to try the dance, hooking herself with the elbows of various men and women, jumping and sharing their exultation. They both ended up in the center of the crowd when the music changed to a less frenetic but still festive pace. Mikasa raised her arms and spun around quickly, throwing her head back and closing her eyes. The lower part of her dress floated in a circle and soon she seemed to get dizzy. She took a misstep and clung to Eren with a giggle as he grabbed her around her waist so she wouldn't fall, bump, or trip over the other erratic, sweaty dancers. She mumbled something to him but he couldn't hear it due to the volume of the music, the laughter, and the random shrieks. Suddenly Mikasa looked disoriented and uneasy, and Eren felt uncomfortable there, stuck in the crowd that had started clapping their hands and to throw themselves on top of others.
Eren rudely pushed a guy who tried to get close to Mikasa from behind and shooed him away with an aggressive warning look, to which the guy responded by raising his hands and gesticulating something that could be translated into a 'calm down, man' to take weight off the matter.
"There are too many people here," Mikasa shouted into his ear, hugging him tightly as if she was scared all of a sudden. "Let's get out. Let's go back to the lounge."
On their way to the exit, some people grabbed them by the hands, made them spin around or began to dance in front of them, making it difficult for them to step forward. Leaving the ballroom behind turned into quite a small but irritating odyssey, in which Eren even received a damn spank while he tried to protect Mikasa as best he could with his own body. He suspected several of those people had gotten into something other than alcohol, and confirmed it when he saw two girls snorting something he assumed could be coderoin or similar on the instep of one of the marble statues. Three men played to slap each other in the face or punch each other in the belly and cackled when one of them ended up bleeding. If one of those morons later asked for a doctor, Eren would play dumb.
Getting back to the lounge with the three poker tables and couches felt like a breath of relief. Mikasa took him to an empty couch in the corner by the window and pushed him by the shoulders for him to sit down. She sat sideways in the gap between his spread legs and rested hers on one of his thighs. Puzzled, Eren didn't know how to react or what to do, for she had never done anything like this before. Mikasa leaned against him, dropped her head on his shoulder and the two of them stood still for a long time, trying to reconnect with calmness, meanwhile in which the music coming from the ballroom abandoned its almost unhinged style and gave step to a more collected and elegant tune. Maybe the bunch of roisterers in there needed to take a break.
He felt Mikasa caress his cheek and the outline of his jaw.
"So soft... Did you use shaving soap? Did you put on cream?" She asked, watching him with drooping eyelids.
"Umm… yeah?" Eren was too aware of Mikasa's weight, her closeness and body heat. "A-Are you okay?"
"I feel that everything is fine," she said, closing her eyes and tilting her head towards the door that led to the ballroom. "The violins... The music, do you hear it? I can almost see the chords that swarm through the air, between the light and the smoke... They vibrate inside my body. They tickle me... Are you looking at me? Your gaze tickles me too." Mikasa opened her eyes, meeting his. She straightened and sat carefully atop his thigh, topping Eren in height, and cupped his face in her gentle hands as she gazed at him with unusual interest. Eren's pulse quickened. "They're greener and brighter than ever. I love your eyes, Eren. You have beautiful eyes… so expressive. Intense. There's like a fire in them that burns me. Do you realize…" Eren's breath hitched and she licked her lips before adding "... what you make me feel when you look at me?"
Eren was speechless. Mikasa had never said things like that to him.
He felt her fingers play through his hair. Her nails made him tingle and shiver as they brushed his scalp. Without further ado, she drew Eren's head toward her chest and he felt the rough brush of the lace of her dress on the side of his jaw and chin. His cheek was resting on the smooth exposed skin and his cheekbone rested at the level of her collarbone. He could hear and feel her heartbeat. He didn't know what to do except not to resist. He was also not sure why she was so open and loving to him out of the blue, but he wouldn't waste this rare opportunity to enjoy her closeness, no matter how long it lasted. Eren drew his legs a little closer to give her better support and wrapped both arms around her narrow waist. Her caresses on his head gave him a pleasant chill.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Mikasa was hot. Her face and whole body burned.
More than heat, it was warmth, the one that can be felt in a comfortable, safe place, where nothing was missing. That place was Eren's arms and lap, the solidity and gentleness of his body. A feeling of fullness filled her chest and glowed.
Love?
That. Love. Mikasa felt love. She smiled against Eren's hair and inspired love. She loved him. And the more she felt she loved him, the more she was filled with love. She was expanding. It was so much that she would explode. Wherever they were, this little piece of the world with him was the only thing she needed. They were surrounded by love. The distant melody and rejoicing she heard bursted in color. Pink, red, orange, mauve and blue, like the different colors a sunrise, or a sunset could take. The echo of the music trembled across her skin and snaked through her spine. Like Eren's breath, warm and wet on her chest.
She sighed.
Eren.
She released him carefully and he gazed up at her with those captivating eyes that made the butterflies that lived in her stomach flutter like crazy. Mikasa caressed his face. So soft. She drew the length and texture of his eyebrows. She described the bridge of his nose with the tip of her index finger and moved down the tip of it to the arch of his lips, which she traced with her thumb as he once did with hers. His arms tightened around her waist. Taking him by the chin, Mikasa lifted his face. Eren's scorching gaze crept to her lips. There was desire in them. She felt it too.
"What are you doing?" He asked, ever so slightly above the background music and the other voices.
Mikasa moved closer to his face. Their noses were almost touching. She placed one hand on Eren's shoulder while the other slowly moved up his neck to his jaw. He closed his eyes and tilted his head against her hand. She pressed her cheek against his' on the other side, delighting in the warmth of his shaved skin and his musky scent.
"It's a shame you asked me not to kiss you anymore..." Mikasa whispered in his ear with a velvety voice, and Eren pulled her a little closer to him.
"Stop toying with me," he begged, resting his forehead on her shoulder. "Nothing you've been... saying and doing makes sense."
Funny, because everything was clearer than ever to her. Everything she felt, she said and did made sense. The girls who told her about that cocktail were right: it would help her see more broadly, understand and decipher her own feelings and desires and, in a way, perceive those of others. She would feel more intensely. She would connect on a deeper level. It had sounded so promising that she had to try it. After two drinks and a few minutes of waiting she felt her ability to contain herself and her uncertainties slowly fade.
"What doesn't make sense, Eren, is that you told me not to kiss you when you actually want me to."
A/N: Just wanted to say I no longer have the time nor the patience (or focus capacity) to write + edit and translate over 9k words chapters for fic updates. I can write over 10k words per chapter and such, but I start dragging the edition and especially the translation process after 8k.
Oh, and ofc more EM stuff is coming in part II, along with other stuff I could have included in this chapter but it would've ended being like 20k long and hell nah.
Btw I'm writing an eremika Miraculous Ladybug AU. I published the English version on AO3 only (username kuchenackerman too). It's way lighter than Lawless.
Take care and stay healthy~
