The End

My family was waiting for me when I got home. They were gathered in the dining room. No one spoke as I walked slowly to join them at the table. All eyes were upon me. I finally spoke the words I was dreading.

"We have to leave Forks."

Rosalie scoffed and looked away, arms crossed.

Carlisle said gently, "Edward, I know you're upset, but there's no need to make a hasty decision."

"I'm not."

"Bella is fine. Leaving now will not change what happened – "

"No, I know that Carlisle. And I'm sorry. But Rosalie was right." She looked at me, astonished. Those were the last words she ever expected me to say. "It is dangerous for everyone by having a human in our midst. It is better to leave now. Make an excuse that the humans will believe at the hospital. Alice and I don't need to worry about school. None of the rest of you have anything to tie you to Forks. If we wait – " I stopped.

I saw the future with more certainty than Alice ever had. I could not stay with Bella without putting her and her family in danger. Eventually, Charlie and Renée would notice that I didn't age. I knew how unhappy Bella would be to leave her father and how much she already missed her mother. How could I have been so stupid? I had imagined spending the rest of her life with her, but doing so would mean she would have to give up everything for me. We could not stay in Forks forever. The people already commented about how young Dr. Cullen looked. Humans aged and changed. We did not. Would she want to start over in a new town every few years? Cutting her ties each time and leaving behind anyone she grew close to, never to see them again?

And that was only assuming I was able to avoid killing her.

Renée and Charlie were young. They had long lives with Bella in front of them. They looked forward to the joys of watching her live her life, going to college, getting married, giving them grandchildren. The kind of life a normal man could give the woman he loved. Again the pain of what I was assaulted me.

"We can't stay here forever," I voiced my thought. "It's better that we leave now. Before I do any more damage to her life than I already have."

Alice protested, "Edward, she loves you. I don't think you realize how hard this will be for her." I saw Bella's unhappy face as Alice tried to show me Bella's future without me.

I cut her off, "And how hard will it be for her when I kill her? Or when you do, Alice? I know Jasper feels bad about his reaction last night. What if we had been unable to stop him?" I asked ruthlessly. "How do you think he would feel then? It could happen to any of us! So quickly!" I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I won't do that to her. And I won't do that to any of you."

Alice's pixie face hardened. You won't have to worry about killing her if I change her, the fierce thought flowed through her mind.

"NO!" I roared at her. "I will not let you damn her to this kind of life, Alice!" I hit the table with my fist. "You cannot take her future from her. She has a life to live and she cannot do that if any of us are in it! You don't remember your human life, Alice, but I do. And I would give anything to be a human man again. Don't any of you try to tell me that you don't feel the same way! If you had the chance to be mortal again, I know that you would take it." I looked around the table meeting each of their eyes in turn, daring them to challenge what I said. One by one, they looked away in defeat.

I looked down at the table and saw the fist sized hole in front of me. I hadn't even realized I'd done that. I stared at it in astonishment for a moment. "I'm sorry I broke your table, Esme." I said quietly. Her lips turned down at the corners, but she didn't answer me.

I stood up from the table. "I'm going to go to school today. Carlisle, you'll need to give the hospital your resignation. I don't care what you have to tell them, but we leave tomorrow. We'll go to Denali… And then… We can plan our next move from there. But we can never come back here." We considered the family of vampires in Denali, Alaska to be our cousins. Tanya, Irina, Kate, Carmen, and Eleazar were the only other "vegetarian" vampires we knew of. We had lived with them for a time until our numbers began to attract attention. I was sure they would welcome us until we found someplace else to move to.

I leveled a hard look at Alice. "Alice?"

Her stricken face looked up from the hole in the table. Her lower lip trembled. "Edward, you can't." No. No.

"Swear to me – "

"Edward, I love her, too!" No. Don't do this to me. To her… She tried again to show me Bella's future.

"Swear to me, Alice! You must leave her alone!"

She shook her head. "Edward – " No! Edward, please! We can't leave!

"We can't stay, Alice. Not without killing her." I spoke with conviction. "You've seen it yourself. If we stay, she dies."

"Alice," Carlisle said gently. "It's his decision. Leave Bella Swan alone."

I saw her swallow several times. No. No. There are other possibilities…

"No there aren't Alice! You've shown me that yourself! How many times have you seen her death now?"

But if she joins us…

"She'd still be dead."

Alice shook her head, her black, spiky hair trembling, her golden eyes wide and hurting.

"Alice," Esme's voice trembled. "We all love her. But Edward is right. We have to leave."

"Promise me, Alice. Promise me that you will stay away from Bella. You can never see her again. Don't watch her future, don't call her. Promise me, Alice. Promise me that you will let her live her life." My voice broke over the last word.

She looked wildly around the table, hoping for some kind of reprieve. Her breath came in short gasps. She knew she had no choice. Finally, she whispered, "I promise," and then she was gone, fleeing the room.

"And each of you, as well?" I pressed them.

Several glances were exchanged around the table.

"I promise," Esme said quietly.

"Me, too," said Emmett.

Rosalie huffed, "No problem." She fumed silently, This is so ridiculous. All of this fuss over a silly little human girl. I glared at her, but then Jasper spoke.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." I could feel his shame and remorse.

"I told you before, Jasper. The fault is mine. I am sorry if anything I said hurt you." I knew that it had, I had hurt him on purpose. But it was necessary if it meant that Bella would be safe.

I promise, he thought. I will leave her alone. And I will see to it that Alice does as well.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "Carlisle?" I turned to my father. I saw in his eyes the pain that he felt for me. I pressed my lips together and looked away.

"I will tell the hospital that we got an offer from another hospital that we had to take immediately. And I will call Tanya, let them know to expect us. Don't worry, my son. We'll take care of everything. Go to school now."

When I parked my Volvo in my usual spot, I tried not to feel anything. Not the despair at the thought of the rest of my life without her. Not the ache at the pain I was going to cause her when I told her we were leaving. Not the emptiness of my days, or the endless, dreamless nights that stretched in front of me. And I tried desperately not to feel the love I had for the fragile human girl.

I got out of my car as I heard her truck pull in and was at her side before she could turn off the engine. I opened her door for her.

"How do you feel?" I asked, knowing how restless her night had been.

"Perfect," she lied.

We walked to our class in silence. I tried to think of what I was going to say to her, how I could make her let me go. I needed her to move on. I had to leave her in such a way that she would heal quickly, go back to her human life. Forget the monster who almost ruined it.

I watched her all day, expecting her to ask me about my family and how they were doing, but she never said anything. I wanted to ask her how mad she was, but couldn't say the words. I saw how she favored her arm, but every time I mentioned it, she lied and said it was fine. I knew better, but I didn't press her.

Eventually, as we sat in the lunchroom Bella asked, "Where's Alice?"

I ground up the food I had bought. I'd been breaking it apart slowly, turning it into smaller and smaller crumbs. I didn't look at her as I said, "She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

Might as well prepare her. "He's gone away for a while."

"What? Where?"

I shrugged. "Nowhere in particular."

"And Alice, too." Her voice was quiet. I could hear her hurting.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali," I lied.

Her breath hitched and she swallowed loudly several times. She hunched her shoulders and held her arms across her chest. Was she in pain?

"Is your arm bothering you?" Would you tell me if it was?

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered angrily and put her head on the table.

I didn't know what else to say. She knew Alice and Jasper were leaving. Emmett and Rosalie had already been in Africa. They had only come back to visit for Bella's birthday.

She didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. I was certain that she was upset, but didn't know how to comfort her without making things worse. So I said nothing, too. What was there to say? Except the words that would break us apart forever, the words that would break me.

She surprised me as I walked her to her truck by asking, "You'll come over later?"

"Later?" I dreaded the conversation I knew I had to have with her. The one that would drive her away from me. The one that would make her hate me. If she hated me, then she wouldn't want me. If she didn't want me, she'd be able to move on easier. I was trying to work up the courage to ride home with her and tell her then.

"I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh." I had forgotten.

"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" she insisted.

"If you want me to." I could never refuse her anything. Anything but the one thing she asked of me that I couldn't give her. Eternity with me. The pain I felt at that thought was brutal. I was sure a human would be unable to live through it. I wanted it more than anything. An eternity spent with my Bella, my angel. All it would cost was one human soul.

"I always want you," she said fiercely. I couldn't look at her, afraid my will would crumble.

"Alright, then." I kissed her gently on her forehead and fled to my car, grateful for the small reprieve. I didn't want to have to tell her yet. But I couldn't keep putting it off.

I went home to pack. My family had been busy, readying the place for our absence. The furniture was covered with white cloths. Computers and personal items stowed in the cars, ready to go. Esme was the only one home when I got there. She was on the phone, arranging our departure with the various utility companies. I went to my room.

There was a pile of boxes stacked just inside the doorway. I began to empty my shelves, loading my music, my stereo, and my books. I picked up a bottle cap, placed in the center of my shelf. A place of honor. It was a token of the first lunch we'd spent together, the first day she'd said yes to me. My knees gave out and I slumped to the floor with a pained cry. Why was I packing music? The sound of her voice was the only music in my life. Books? The only story that meant anything was the story of her life. In a rage I hurled the box I'd been packing against the wall, smashing the CD's I'd stored so carefully. I kicked the stereo across the room, picked up the couch where I used to spend so many nights reading and threw it through the wall. I tore from the house, running from the pain.

I ran through the forest, trying to gain control over myself. My breath came in gasping sobs as I ran, but it didn't slow me down. I finally stopped at the same rock I'd sat on the night before with Jasper and hit it with all my force. It cracked, but held its shape. Relentlessly, I pounded the rock until it was a pile of rubble. My anger spent, I sat in the middle of the pile and stared at my hands. They were undamaged, long and white, harder than stone – as I'd just proven.

Bella would be better off without me.

Bella.

Bella was expecting me. I took a deep breath and took off back home. I changed my clothes – they were now covered with debris and dust from the rock I'd demolished – but left the room as it was. I drove to her house to wait for her. Charlie was there when I arrived, but Bella was still at work. I knocked on the door. When her father answered, I greeted him calmly.

"Good afternoon, Chief Swan."

"Hi, Edward. Um, Bella's not home, yet." I heard his annoyance.

"No, I didn't think so. Her truck isn't here."

"Oh. Right." Well, what do you want then?

"May I come inside and wait for her?"

Great. Just what I've always wanted. "Sure. Come on in."

"Thank you, sir." I walked slowly to the living room. He'd been watching a game on ESPN. I sat on the armchair.

"We've got leftover pizza from last night if you'd like some," he offered. I could see his plate on the table by the couch.

"No, thank you."

"Okay." He sat on the couch and went back to his game.

I tried to remember to blink and breathe while I stared without seeing at the TV. I was listening for the roar of her truck and didn't catch any part of the game.

When at last I heard her truck, I took a shaky breath and clenched my fists to avoid ripping the arms off the chair I was sitting in. The door opened.

"Dad? Edward?" I heard Bella call out.

Charlie looked at me, but I didn't answer. My teeth were clenched too tight.

"In here," he called.

I had to get a hold of myself. I breathed slowly and tried to relax my fists. I concentrated on the sound of her footsteps. Her scent wafted into the room ahead of her. She stood in the hall for a second watching us watch the TV.

"Hi," she said with a weak voice.

"Hey, Bella," Charlie answered. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay." She didn't move from the doorway.

I swallowed and took a deep breath, unclenched my teeth and made my lips form a smile. Trying to control my trembling, I looked at her. The sight of her was like a physical blow. I wanted so badly to sprint over to her and crush her body to mine. I wanted to taste her lips and smell her warm breath. I wanted to pick her up in my arms and run away with her. But I remembered the pile of rubble I had just created out of a rather large rock and knew that I was right to leave.

"I'll be right behind you," I said, and then looked back at the TV. Looking at her was like staring at the sun. She was bright and warm and full of life. And I was a vampire. A creature that belonged in the night.

After a minute, I heard her hurried steps falter as she made her way to the kitchen. I heard her collapse into a seat at the kitchen table. I wanted to go to her, but I wasn't ready for the conversation that loomed, and anything else seemed like a lie. The one glaring truth – I was leaving – negated everything else. A soft chuckle come from the kitchen and I closed my eyes, savoring the sound. I wondered what could have made her laugh, but it felt like proof that she would heal. She left the kitchen and I prepared myself for her to join us in the living room, but she went upstairs to her room instead.

I stayed in the chair, incapable of moving. I listened to her moving around upstairs and tried to figure out how to do what I knew was right. How could I tell her I had to leave when every cell in my body was fighting to stay? I took a deep breath and concentrated on the sound of her soft steps as she came back downstairs. I heard her snap a picture with the camera and looked up at her, my face a frozen mask.

"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.

"Oh, come on." She forced a smile as real as the one I had given her earlier. She walked with shaky steps over to the couch and sat on the floor in front of Charlie. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumped.

"Because you are so handsome. And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects." I could hear how hard she was trying to sound cheerful.

"If I had known that, I'd have made your mother buy you the camera," he grumbled under his breath. I doubted she'd heard his words, but I almost chuckled.

"Hey, Edward, take one of me and my dad together." The sound of my name on her lips was like a breath of fresh air. I looked at her, but she avoided my eyes as she tossed me the camera. She knelt beside the arm of the couch and put her face next to Charlie's. He heaved a sigh, but I could hear the pleasure in his thoughts.

Now that I was really looking at her, I could see the sadness in her eyes. I longed to see her smile. Well, I had a ready excuse to ask for one.

"You need to smile, Bella," I said. Her name was so sweet on my tongue. Just to say her name was pleasure beyond words. She smiled, but it didn't touch her eyes.

I looked away, my chest burning, and tried not to crush the camera I held.

"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie offered.

I pried myself out of the chair and tossed the camera to Charlie. She came to stand by me and I felt her warmth radiating out of her body. I suppressed my urge to wrap her in my arms, knowing I'd never be able to let her go. Instead, I draped an arm loosely around her shoulder. She pressed her body against mine and wrapped her arm around my waist. My body was rigid, fighting the desire to hold her, to touch her face, to kiss her until all the sadness was gone from her eyes. I clenched my jaw and tried to lift the corners of my lips into an acceptable smile.

"Smile, Bella," Charlie said. Then he shoved the camera into a crevice of the couch cushion and rolled over it, hiding it from further use. "Enough pictures for tonight. You don't have to use the whole roll now."

I dropped my arm and broke free from her embrace. Trembling, I sat back down and tried to control my breathing. Bella sat back on the floor and wrapped herself into a ball. We both stared at the TV.

I'd had as much as I could stand. I had to leave. Now.

"I'd better get home."

"See ya," said Charlie.

Bella followed me to the door. I didn't pause, couldn't turn around. She followed me to my car. "Will you stay?" she asked.

I clenched my jaw and swallowed. "Not tonight." I got into my car and drove off, leaving her standing in the rain. I didn't get halfway down the block before my breathing faltered. I sucked in lungs full of air I didn't need. There was an odd popping sound and I realized I had almost pulled the steering wheel out of the dash. My foot pushed the gas pedal to the floor, trying to escape my pain.

The car didn't go fast enough. I could run faster. I pulled over and leapt out of the car. I left it on the side of the road as I hurled myself into the night, but there was no outrunning my pain. I remembered running like this before when I was fighting falling in love with Bella. That first month we were together in class, but before I had realized the depth of my feelings for her, I had run every day after school. This felt different. Then, I had at least been able to feel a release from the tensions as I ran. It was therapeutic. Now, I knew that I could run without stopping, but I would never be able to run far or fast enough to heal the tearing hole in my chest.

I stopped on the outskirts of Seattle. I watched the city lights and wished that I could at least be out of breath. That I might feel the burn in my muscles, or in my lungs as I fought for air. Instead, I stood motionless, numb, breathing only out of habit.

I had to go back. We were leaving tomorrow – or was it later today? I hadn't been able to tell Bella goodbye, yet. I couldn't just leave. My family needed me. They were making this move for me. The least I could do was to help them.

I turned around and ran with heavy steps back to the place that would always be my home. Even though this was the last time I would ever see it.

Carlisle and Esme were waiting for me when I got back.

"Rosalie and Emmett just left, Edward." Esme told me. I nodded, blankly. "Alice wanted me to tell you that Emmett would come back for the cars, later. He promised not to see Bella." I nodded again.

Esme didn't speak again, but came over to hug me. I clutched at her, feeling helpless, grateful for my mother's love.

"Alice and Jasper are already with Tanya's family," Carlisle continued. "They said they had a house on the outskirts of Anchorage that we could use." I just nodded one more time.

"Thank you." I mouthed, but no sound came out.

"We'll see you in Denali," Esme said, looking into my eyes. She was worried for me. I wondered what else Alice had told her. I kept seeing Alice's face flashing in her mind, but she was hiding what they had discussed.

He won't survive losing her. This won't last. Alice is right; he'll be back. The thoughts Carlisle was trying to hide from me broke through his control and I looked him in his eyes.

"No. I won't." My lips were pressed firmly together with the strength of my resolve… or to hide the fragility of my will. His gaze didn't waver, though I could feel his remorse in letting me hear his thoughts. They were firm, still. He believed – and I suddenly realized the rest of my family did as well – that no matter what I claimed, I would not be strong enough to stay away from Bella.

They didn't realize how much I loved her. Every second that had passed since Bella's first day, my need for her had grown. Even now, as I was leaving, I could feel my love growing stronger. What they didn't know, or understand, was that I was using that strength to make me leave. Her life was the most important thing to me, her safety, her happiness, they were all that mattered.

I was dangerous, a monster destined to kill her. The only way I could prevent that, the only way I could ensure her safety, was to remove the threat. My family could no longer endanger her. I could no longer endanger her. She would be safe only when we were gone.

My parents stayed in the living room as I turned and went up to my room again. The mess I had made had been cleaned up for me. The hole in the wall was already patched, completely repaired as though it had never existed. I found some clothes to change into. When I went back downstairs, my parents were already gone. I walked slowly to the garage, then stood there and wondered for a moment where my car was.

Oh. Right. I had left it on the side of the road.

My footsteps were slow as I ran to retrieve it, then drove my car to school. I smiled wryly at how Bella would have approved of my speed this morning. The car was barely moving above a crawl as I forced myself to school.

I soaked in her presence all day, but couldn't bear to meet her eyes. I breathed in her scent, letting it saturate my body, feeling my cold skin warmed by her radiance.

She tried to ignore the chasm opening between us and with false cheer, coaxed her friends to take pictures at lunch. Although her friends laughed as they passed the camera around, Bella didn't join in on the fun. I thought of how the days before Bella had seemed to drag on, a never ending boredom. High school. Petty arguments and insecurities. The striving of all the humans to fit in and stand out at the same time. Bella's first day flashed through my mind and I realized I was sitting in the very seat she had occupied on that day.

Two tables away from us, a couple was arguing in low voices. He wanted to see somebody new and she was angry, hurt. As they fought, I saw images of other boys flash through her mind. She was determined to replace him with someone else as quickly as possible, hopefully someone who would make him insanely jealous. All around me, humans were forming new relationships and ending others. Even Mike and Jessica were trying to be friends again. They had recently broken up, too.

I thought about their spoken and unspoken words. Yes, humans changed all the time. I felt this should apply to Bella. She was human, she would heal, she would move on.

Forget me.

Abruptly, I realized the lunch hour was over as everyone left their seats. Bella stood, watching me, but I still couldn't meet her eyes.

I knew she had to work that day. When she drove off after school, I drove my car to my empty house. Then, I ran to her house as I had so many nights before. I climbed up to her window and stood in the small room that was the only heaven I would ever know. I was a coward. I couldn't face her. I couldn't say the words I knew I had to say. I sat on her bed and breathed in her scent, remembering the first night I had climbed into her room. The despair I had felt on that night was as nothing to this. I had tried at the time to figure out what to do to make the future bearable. Then she had spoken my name in her sleep. Asked me to stay.

My frozen heart cried out as I felt again the love for the fragile human girl suffuse my body. It burned in every cell. I tried to recall the days before Bella, the pleasure of studying, of learning new things, the calm content I had found at the piano, but it was empty, meaningless. My life before her had been pointless. What would my life without her be now? I heard her truck pull in and realized I had spent the whole afternoon on her bed.

I tried to gather my courage and failed.

I heard her open the front door and fled her room. Not today. I couldn't do it today. One more day. I promised myself I would do it tomorrow. Right after school.

After she fell asleep, I climbed back into her room. I spent the night watching her, not daring to touch her, breathing in her sweet scent. I pictured the rest of my life without her and covered my mouth with my hands, biting back the cries that wanted to burst forth. As the light touched her face, she started to stir and I leapt from her room, not wanting her to find me there when she woke.

I planned my conversation with her through the day. Knew what I was going to say. When I walked her to her truck at the end of the day, I took hold of my courage in both hands and turned to her.

"Do you mind if I come over today?"

She looked surprised. "Of course not."

"Now?" I insisted, unable to hide my urgency.

"Sure," she agreed warily. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renée in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

I remembered her friends passing the camera around at school and suddenly realized what the letter held. If I was going to remove myself from her life, I couldn't let any pictures of me reach Renée. I had to leave completely. I knew that if she was going to forget the monster, I had to erase myself from her life. She had taken pictures of me, she had my CD of the piano music I'd recorded for her. I had to leave her with nothing to remind her of me. My family was already gone, never to return. I was going to leave. I knew that if she was going to accept that, I couldn't leave her with any physical reminders of my intrusion into her life.

I reached over and snagged the envelope from off the seat. I had leaned close to her body to reach for the letter and almost felt my composure falter. Her heat burned me and I had to clench my muscles to stay upright.

"I'll do it. And I'll still beat you there." I wanted to see her smile at me. I needed the memory of her happy face. I tried to smile at her, but it was pitiful, a half smile. More of a grimace.

I can't leave. I can't stay.

"Okay." She didn't smile at me.

I sped to her house and climbed once more into her room. I took the CD I had given her from out of her player. I saw the envelope from the film developer's and shuffled through the pictures inside. There were none of me. I wondered where she had put them and looked around until I found her scrapbook. When I opened it, I found a picture of myself staring back at me. My shaking fingers traced the words she had written underneath: Edward Cullen, Charlie's kitchen, Sept. 13th.

I slipped the pictures of myself from out of the metal clasps that held them to the pages. Unwilling to damage her book, I left the pages with my name in her handwriting intact. I carefully opened the envelope that sealed the pictures and letter she was sending to Renée. I took my pictures from there as well. The box containing the tickets to Florida was on her desk and I grabbed it, too. Thought about the stereo in her truck, but realized there was nothing I could do about it. Well, I would leave nothing else behind.

I slid her bed over and wrenched at her floorboards. There was a small space underneath where I hid the photos, the tickets, and the CD. I liked the thought of something of me being close to her, even if she didn't know it. It made me feel like I would still be watching over her as she slept. I pressed the floorboards back in place and moved her bed back into its spot. I found a new envelope and addressed it to Renée. Then I wrote a note to Charlie telling him that Bella and I had gone for a walk in the woods. I drove to the corner to drop the letter in the mailbox and made it back to Bella's house just in time to hear her truck pulling close.

I got out of my car as she stepped out of her truck, her book bag slung over her shoulder. I took the bag from her and shoved it back into the truck, then reached for her hand.

"Come for a walk with me." Her heart pounded in a thick, heavy way. There was no flutter of excitement like I was used to hearing my touch bring her. This was the sound of fear. Did she finally fear me? After all this time? I hoped so. It would make this easier on her. But not on me. Nothing could make this easier on me. Her footsteps dragged as I pulled her into the woods that surrounded her house. She definitely didn't want to accompany me in there. I didn't walk far. We could still see her house, hear the cars on the street.

"Okay, let's talk." She sounded angry.

I leaned against a tree, unable to support myself. I stared at her. How could I say what I had to say? How could I make my mouth form the words that would effectively end my life? My reason for living? I watched her, breathed her in, saw the edge of the bandage sticking out from under her shirt sleeve and remembered why this was necessary.

"Bella, we're leaving." My words were flat, unemotional.

She let out a shaky breath. "Why now? Another year – "

I cut her off. "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." My excuses were flimsy. I knew we could have stayed for several years more, if –

Her face paled. "When you say we – "

I forced myself to say the words. "I mean my family and myself."

She shook her head slowly. I waited for her to speak. Every second longer with her was a blessing, even now.

"Okay," she said, her voice choked. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you." Wherever she was, was the right place for me. Wherever I was, was the wrong place for her.

She echoed my thoughts, my feelings. "Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." She had to see that. Had to see the danger her life was in with me in it. She had to see that her life would be better without the monster who threatened to ruin it.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life."

Could she really believe that? She had only just begun to live. I had to see to it that she had a life to live. I clenched my teeth and growled, "My world is not for you."

Her heart sped up, her breath came in short gasps. "What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

She always had the wrong reactions, drew danger toward herself instead of running away. It was far from nothing. My brother had tried to kill her. I had nearly killed her throwing her across the room.

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised," she scrambled to find the words. "In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay – "

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted again, reminding her of my exact words.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" she shouted at me. I clenched my fists, held myself rigid, fighting every desire in me to give in to her. I had never been able to resist giving her what she wanted. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

I withstood the onslaught of her words. The pain they caused me. Her soul was mine? I couldn't take that from her. That was the problem. If I stayed, I would. If I'd had a soul, I would gladly have given it to her, but I knew it wouldn't have been an even exchange. My soul – if I'd still had one – would be warped, twisted with the evil of my past, the evil of what I was.

The words I had to say now would hurt her, but maybe, if she thought I didn't want her, it would be easier for her to let me go. I steeled myself to tell the biggest lie I had ever spoken.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I was unable to look away from her face, my eyes tight, my voice hard, my body trembling with the pain the lie caused me.

She repeated my words back to me. "You… don't… want me?" She sounded confused.

"No." We stared into each other's eyes for a long minute. Could she see the lie in mine? Could she hear my need to take them back? To beg her to forgive me for even thinking them? I held my breath, waiting for her next argument.

"Well, that changes things," she astonished me by saying.

How could it have taken so long for her to believe that I loved her, when she accepted my betrayal so easily now? Had she ever believed I loved her? I told her all the time! How could one little sentence make her believe that I didn't care? That I didn't want her? That I wouldn't want her for the rest of my life?

I tried to tell her she was wrong. I had loved her. I did love her. I always would. That was why I couldn't stay. I loved her enough to make her safe from me.

I couldn't look at her as I spoke, "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…" I tried to think of an excuse that she would believe, "…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I'm not human." I could never be a human again. She needed a human man who could give her a human life. I looked back at her again, needing to see her face. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this."

She still wanted me. I had to make her hate me. She had to move on. I knew how she always blamed herself, so I turned my earlier words around. My mouth formed a hard line as I spoke the hurtful lie, each word ripping at my throat.

"You're not good for me, Bella." The words were blasphemy. She was the essence of good. She was the embodiment of all that was good and pure in the world.

She stared at me, open mouthed, her face pale. She found her voice after a moment.

"If… that's what you want."

I forced myself to nod.

I wanted to beg her forgiveness, to tell her that I wanted her forever. Alice's visions blazed through my mind. Bella, pale like she was now, but cold and hard, her eyes blazing crimson. Damn you, Alice! I thought. I saw her other visions of Bella, pale and cold again, but this time still and lifeless. Alice's visions had been explicit. Those were the only two futures available to her as long as I was in her life. I couldn't allow either vision to happen, she had to be safe. Safe from me.

I remembered her pale face in another vision, this time seen, not through Alice's eyes, but that of a human monster. Fear coursed through me at the thought of anything happening to her. She was a danger magnet, and I wasn't the only thing that had threatened her.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I begged her.

"Anything."

Anything, she'd said. She'd do anything for me. She was a threat to herself. I needed her to do her part to keep herself safe.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid." My voice was fierce now. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" Be safe. Please. For me.

She nodded. Her eyes were deep pools that I could have stared into forever. I could have stood there, not moving for an eternity, just for the pleasure of looking at her.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," I felt the need to explain. "He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him." For me.

She nodded again. "I will." She would keep herself safe.

She'd promised.

"And I'll make you a promise in return." I steeled myself to do what I had to do. Keep her safe from me. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed." I shouldn't exist. I was a monster who should have died in 1918. I thought of how her life would have gone if I had died when I should have. Of a healthy, happy future, a future with a family, a life. I saw her glowing body blooming, full with child. Pictured her smiling face changing with the years. Gaining the lines of wisdom. Seeing her graceful with age.

I smiled at her, liking this picture. Wanting it for her. "Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" her voice was husky.

"Well – " I couldn't lie to her. My memories of her were burned into my body. I would never forget the heat of her touch, of how sweet her kisses had tasted, her pure sweet laughter, her goodness, her gentle grace, and how she had given her love to me. "I won't forget. But my kind… we're very easily distracted." I wanted her to think that I would move on, too.

I stepped back, fighting the urge to run – to her, or away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

A look of shock passed on her face. "Alice isn't coming back," she mumbled.

I stared at her, unable to look away. Loving Bella had been so easy. Even though I had no memories of how to love, it had all come so naturally, holding her, kissing her, loving her. Leaving her was like a human trying to breathe underwater or willingly placing their hands in a fire. It felt wrong, unnatural. But I knew it was right.

"No," I answered her. "They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" her voice was flat. Like she didn't understand.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I stopped to look at her for one long moment more. "Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait!" She reached for me. I couldn't let her touch me. Would not be able to bear her hands on me, her arms around me. It would break me. I grabbed her wrists before her hands could touch me and placed them firmly at her sides.

I brushed my lips against her forehead and inhaled her scent once more. "Take care of yourself."

I fled. I ran faster than her eyes could follow into the forest. I ran for hours. I ran without stopping, without seeing, my eyes full of the sight of her. I ran without breathing, unable to smell anything except her scent, my last breath full of her still held in my lungs. If I was not already dead I would have died from the pain my heart was in now. I ran into the mountains, scaling them easily, climbing higher and higher. I stopped suddenly when I reached an abrupt edge at a mountain top, a high cliff overlooking part of the forest I'd just run through.

I fell to my knees and my body shook with the unbearable grief I had yet to give voice to. I dug my fingers into the rock, gouging out holes. My fists clenched, grinding the rock into powder. My eyes could not cry, but my heart could. At last, I gave in, my voice shaking. A high pitched keening escaped my lips. Screaming in pain, I rocked back and forth on my knees, grieving for the end of my life, the end of the only thing I had worth living for. I grieved at the loss of the only girl I had ever loved, the only girl I would ever love. The only girl in the world.

Bella.