October
After an immeasurable time – days? years? I wasn't sure – I collapsed, unable to move. Empty. Conscious of nothing but pain. I lay on my back and stared unseeing at the sky. I watched the sun move across the sky, then the stars. I watched them trade places over and over. Sun. Stars. The rain drenched me, the wind whistled past me. Sun. Stars. I was dead. My life was over. Sun. Stars. Snow, this time, piling around me, burying me. Now the daylight was filtered through the ice that covered me and when the darkness came, it was total. The wind blew the snow cover off of me and I watched the sun again.
A man's thoughts intruded on my emptiness. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore him, but he continued to get closer. His thoughts were focused on his physical activity. Scaling the mountain, placing his feet, his hands, his tools; carefully making his way to the summit that it had taken me scant minutes to reach. He wasn't important. I tried to tune him out and waited for him to continue on his way.
Holy, Hanna! Oh, crap. A body… He's not dressed for mountain climbing… Where's his equipment? How the hell did he get up here? I'd better see if he's got any ID. I'll bet there's a family somewhere that's been looking for him…
I felt hands on my body, digging for my pockets. My eyes flew open and I gasped. I was the body he'd found. My slight movement drew his eyes to my face, to my open eyes. He blinked in surprise. I blinked back.
"What the - ?" As he scrambled backwards, he came up against a rock formation. Though he could go no farther, his feet kept trying to push him away from me.
I saw the way I looked to him: my eyes were flat black and the bright sun was shining off of my skin. I appeared to be made of the ice that surrounded me. His scent filled my senses, his pounding heart drew me, and I stood up, hearing the sound of ice cracking as my frozen clothes bent and moved with me. The thirsty monster within me wanted to pounce on the prey that had delivered itself to me and I bared my teeth at the man. How long had it been since I'd hunted last? My thoughts had been blank, just existing without thinking, aware of nothing except the pain I was in - not even the reason for it.
The man's thoughts were incoherent, whirling with fear and astonishment, and he kept repeating, "What? What? What the - ?"
Seeing the image of myself in his mind, my face twisted and angry, I growled at him and sank into a hunting crouch. I knew I was looking at the monster I truly was - the monster that I didn't want to be. My breathing accelerated. I straightened and took a step toward the panicked man in front of me. My hands clenched and unclenched.
"You're afraid of me." I swooped close, my face inches from his, and hissed at him, "You should be."
I turned away from him and walked to the edge of the cliff where I had lain for so many days. I looked over the edge, then glanced back to look into his eyes, which were wide with terror. Faster than he could see me move, I hurled myself over the edge, falling past the sheer cliff down to the forest below. I curled into a ball in the air, a missile hurtling at the ground. My body hit the trees, breaking them into splinters, and I impacted the ground hard, gouging out a furrow in the dirt and rock. I rolled several times, breaking another tree before coming to a rest on my back. When I opened my eyes, I could see the cliff from which I had flung myself. The man was staring over the edge and I could still catch the fear and astonishment in the sound of his thoughts.
I stood up slowly and began to walk, not caring which direction I was headed. I had nowhere to go, after all. I was merely walking to walk - an end in itself. Some time later, I stumbled across a small family of dear, but the smell turned my stomach. Though I was thirsty, I could not bear the thought of the deer's taste entering my mouth. I turned away and kept walking.
Vaguely, I was aware of the passage of time, of the differences between midday and midnight. Whenever thoughts intruded on my emptiness, I avoided them, giving wide berth to cities and towns. Not bothering to stop even once, I weaved my way around the mountains, through the forests, ignoring both the rain and the snow.
Edward?
I looked up slowly. Someone had called my name.
Edward?
"What." My voice sounded strange in my ears.
Edward? The voice sounded familiar. I wondered why. There was no voice that mattered anymore. I was dead, my life over. Who was there to call my name now?
I continued to walk and tried to ignore the voice that kept calling my name.
"Edward. Oh, Edward…" The voice was full of pain. That didn't really matter to me; the world was pain. The only thing I felt, the only thing I was really aware of was pain.
Having no idea who could have been talking to me, I stopped walking and looked around in dull curiosity. Once I figured out why they kept bothering me, I'd be able to get them to leave me alone.
My eyes finally focused on a face which was vaguely familiar. I was certain I'd seen it before. Small and pale with dark gold eyes, her black hair was spiky, and her features were delicate. I stared at her, my thoughts sluggish as I tried to put a name to the face.
"Alice?"
Her features tightened. She nodded and reached her hand out to me.
I glared at her and growled, "Go away." When I started walking again, she walked beside me. I didn't care; she wasn't important. I didn't notice when she began steering my steps in the direction she wanted me to walk. The trees gave way to a road where a car waited, parked directly in front of me.
She opened the door and looked at me with a hopeful smile. I watched her blankly, not understanding what I was supposed to do.
"Please get in, Edward. Please. We need you to come home now. You need to come home."
What home? I have no home.
I stared at the car without moving. After a moment, I realized she wanted me to get into the car, to go with her to wherever it was that she was going. I shook my head slowly and turned away to begin my aimless walk again.
She hurried after me and cried, "Edward, please!" Everyone is so worried about you. You need your family. We need you. Esme misses you so much. Jasper feels terrible; he blames himself for everything. I can't stand seeing everyone so sad all the time. I've been looking for you for weeks, Edward. "Please? Come with me?"
Why did it matter if I went with her or not? Anywhere I was I would be in pain. I didn't bother to resist as she steered me into the car. When she started the car, I leaned my seat back and curled up facing away from her. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the relief in her thoughts, and let the car take me where it would.
