Hinata gripped Neji and Hanabi's hands tightly, her mother sitting next to her father and her close friends and her boyfriend right behind her.
"Are you ready?" asked the nurse, looking at her mother with the utmost sympathy.
Her mother let out a crying laugh, wiping the tears quickly. "I will never be. But I know he must be in pain. I love you, my dear—" Her voice cracked and her hand grabbed her father's unmoving, cold ones. "We all love you. And I know," she turned to look at all three of them, "I know you loved them too."
Hinata cried putting her head on Neji's shoulders as Hanabi shook with sobs.
"We're ready."
With that, the nurse discontinued his life support and for a moment there was a collective relief. He was no longer in pain, Hinata thought. He was finally free.
But he was gone.
"The funeral is coming up in a few days," started Natsu, rubbing her neck as she felt a migraine coming on. "Have we gotten emails back on who's attending and who's not?"
"Uh, yes," answered Naruto, looking over the laptop he has set up in the kitchen. "Half of the emails we sent out got replied to." He looked over at Natsu. "Do you want me to write them down?"
"Yes, please," whispered Natsu, resting her head on the table.
"Here you go, Mrs. Hyuuga," nudged Sakura, placing a cup of hot tea in front of her. "This would help with the headaches."
Natsu looked up, a small, tired smile on her face. "Thank you, dear. Really, you all didn't have to come over."
"We know," chirped Ino, looking over the flowers they ordered and how the venue will be set up. "But we wanted to help in anyway. Hinata is like our sister and you guys are like family."
Natsu can only smile as she turned to look down the hallway. "Has Neji left?"
"Yes," piped up Naruto, closing his laptop. "He said something about getting his dad over here as well as some of the more secluded Hyuuga family members and close friends of Hiashi."
"Of course, of course." Natsu sighed. "Do you guys know if Hinata and Hanabi have woken up yet?"
It was still morning but it was getting late and both sisters have yet to make an appearance. They all decided to stay over ever since Hiashi's passing to provide comfort, support, and help in anyway. But they were starting to get worried for Hinata more so than Hanabi. While Hanabi has come down to eat and talk, Hinata, on the other hand, hasn't really come out at all.
"I can go see if they're okay," offered Naruto, standing up and going down the hallway.
"Thank you, Naruto!" they all called out.
Truth be told, he was nervous for Hinata's well being. He can't imagine the pain she's going through right now. Was there any other way he can help? Should he give her advice? Would his presence alone be enough?
He knocked on the first door he saw and when he heard a small, "Come in," he opened the door carefully. The room was dark with the curtains drawn closed still. Hanabi poked her head out from underneath her blankets and she smiled, not much of her mirth displayed. She turned on her lamplight beside her and sat up.
"What's up? You stalking me or somethin'?"
He chuckled before pointing to her bed. She patted the space beside her and he sat down. "So…" he started, unsure on how to ask, "How ya feeling?"
She shrugged, taking off her blankets and pulling up her knees to hug them. "It feels…weird." She puts her head down. "Sometimes I expect him to come walking through that door but every time…I have to get used to him being gone, huh?" She sniffled.
"You don't have to force yourself, ya know." He hesitated before continuing, "Do you…talk about how you feel?"
"Not really, no," she answered quickly, still not looking up. "I just have all these thoughts running around in my head but I'm so used to keeping quiet that…when I want to…I can't…"
"Well…think of me as a wall!" he proudly exclaimed.
"Huh?" Hanabi looked up, her eyes red.
"Yeah, I'm a wall but, like, I'm here, ya know? Somebody is here…but I'm a wall. So you're talking to a wall but I'm listening. A living wall?" As he kept going, he began to sound more confused.
Hanabi broke out in a dry laugh. "Stop it. You might make me think of silly ideas…" But she sat up a bit more and looked right into his eyes. "Hey wall…uh…something has happened recently." She gripped her blankets but she kept going. "My dad has died." Her voice cracked and her eyes welled up with tears again. "And I just don't understand why. Maybe if I had reminded him of his appointments then he could still be alive?" She wiped her tears but they kept coming. "I just feel like I didn't have enough time with him. I'm never going to see him again." She sobbed. "I couldn't even see him in his death bed! I had my eyes closed the whole time! I was so scared and I couldn't see him for the last time! I couldn't hug him or kiss him or—or—" She started to breathe heavily and he immediately put his hands on her shoulders.
"Breathe, Hanabi, breathe." He began to breathe in and out with her and he wiped away her tears. "Here, use my shirt to blow your nose."
"What?" She tried to rub her snot but he stopped her.
"That's disgusting, kid."
"What's disgusting is me using your shirt. How long ago did you wash it?"
"Hey! I'm fairly clean, ya know?"
They both stared at each other before they burst out laughing. Regardless of her comment, she blew her nose and settled back into her bed.
After a moment of silence, he cut it off, "Can the wall say something?"
She looked away, finally realizing the outburst she had and blushing, but nodded.
"The wall says that it wasn't your fault that your dad died," he comforted, "And that its okay you didn't see him for the last few days of his life. No one forced you to do it. So you have every right to refuse. I understand…you wanted to keep the fond memories you had of him, right?" She nodded. "I understand. We all do. So don't beat yourself up for it. It's better to remember them smiling, right?" She blinked and a few tears rolled down. "And, look, don't feel guilty because you didn't know what was going on, right?"
She furrowed her brows. "How did you know?"
"Your mom told me," he smiled. "And it's not your fault. Your dad put up a strong front for you. And he'll always be with you."
"No, he won't." She shook her head. "He's dead, he's gone."
"No." He shook his head. "Look at that door. Now see him walking through it."
She turned and she saw it. She really did. She saw him opening it and smiling his old man smile and telling her that breakfast is ready. She can also see him opening the door to ask her sheepishly how to save a document! And that one time he knocked on her door and left a plate of cookies and milk right outside! She can see him! She can see him!
"He's always in your heart, kid." Naruto grabbed her hand as she broke out. "Cry it out. We're all here for you."
"Thank you," she said between sobs.
"Your mom is outside," he added, getting up and opening the door, letting the light come in. "She's worried. She's there for you too, ya know?"
Hanabi cracked a smile, letting the tears roll down freely. "Yeah, I know…I'll go right now."
Naruto smiled. "We'll be waiting." He closed the door behind him and looked at the door next to it.
"Hinata," he sighed out before knocking on that door.
Hinata felt weightless and hopeless. She felt dread and regret. She felt sadness and emptiness. She felt everything yet nothing at all. She didn't have the strength to get up and eat. She didn't have the strength to even move. But they're expecting her to go in front a group of people and talk about her father's memories and she just can't seem to accept the fact that he's gone. It all just happened so suddenly and she can't help but feel guilt for not trying to talk to him sooner and to make up for the time that they didn't talk. Did he have any future plans for her? Was he happy that they finally reconnected again?
She buried her head in her pillow when she felt a knock on her door. "Come in," she croaked out, just noticing how parched her throat was.
She saw Naruto poke his head in and she suddenly felt embarrassed that he's seeing her in such a state. However she just couldn't find the energy to scramble to look presentable.
"Hey," he said softly, approaching her and sitting down on her bed. "How're you feeling?"
She didn't answer because she just didn't quite know. "I still feel…empty. Is that bad?"
"No, no, no," he answered quickly, pulling down the blanket covering her head and brushing some hair off her face. "Why would you think that?"
"It's been a few days since…" She could feel herself starting to tear up. How many more times would she be able to cry?
"People take time to recover…to grief." He cupped her face and caressed her cheek. "You take your time. If you want to be alone, that's okay. If you want someone to talk to, that's okay too. But you need to get up and eat, love."
"I don't feel hungry," she replied, closing her eyes. "I just feel…tired."
He exhaled through his nose. "What do I have to do for you to eat at least one cinnamon roll?"
She shrugged. "I'll tell you when I'm hungry, okay?" She tried to smile but seeing his worried expression made her assume she looked terrible.
"Okay. Tell me anything—tell us anything, okay?"
She nodded, kissing the palm of his hand that was resting on her face. "Thank you."
He can only smile and kiss her on her temple. "Of course."
With that, he left the room and she couldn't help but sigh in relief. To be frank, she didn't want to eat. She didn't know whether she wanted to do anything. She felt terrible, pushing away the help Naruto tried to bring to her, but she couldn't help it. She just felt…empty.
How can she handle the funeral?
Neji was more composed about his feelings than the rest of the Hyuuga. He was just raised in an environment that didn't prioritize emotions. Right now, however, he was cursing his father for not showing him how to grief. He's just couldn't find his voice to speak out his thoughts and worries that are clawing him from the inside. Aunt Natsu tried talking to him but he could only feel tightness in his chest and even though he tried to cry, he just couldn't. Hanabi, crying in his arms, didn't make him budge. He hasn't even had the courage to go see Hinata. How can he comfort his family when he can't even comfort himself?
For some odd reason, he was early to the venue. He was standing outside wearing a tux and looking prim and proper—just like a businessman—but why didn't he feel a damn thing? He tried to cry it all out but he can only let out a few tears. What was stopping him?
"Oh, a funeral?" He blinked and saw a jogger stop right in front of him. "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thank you," he replied in monotone. One thing is for sure, he couldn't feel a damn thing.
The young jogger hummed before narrowing her eyes at him. "You okay?"
"Yes. Again, thank you for your condolences." He was even surprised how quickly he answered.
"Maybe it's not my place," began the jogger, stretching, "but you should really cry. It's okay for men to cry, you know that?"
"Yes, I know," he said irritated. "What's your point?"
"My point is that it looks like you want to cry so why don't you?" She put her hands on her hips.
"I can't," he grinded out, brows furrowing.
"Why?"
"Because I just can't."
"Why?'
"It's hard to!"
"Why?"
"I wasn't taught how to."
"Why?"
"I don't know!" he screamed, his composure lost. "I don't know! I just wish I knew so I can show my uncle how much he meant to me!" He felt the tears gather in his eyes. "I just wished he knew how much of an impact he left and how much my father is hurting and how he was an amazing father and—" His voice cracked and right here, in front of the venue, his tears finally fell and his sobs came out violently. "I just don't know!"
The woman hummed. "You had to get angry to cry?" She patted his shoulders. "Whatever gets the ball rolling." She turned around but before she began her run, she turned back around and smiled at him. "He sounded like a great guy."
He wiped away his tears quickly. "Who?"
"Your uncle, silly. He sounded great. He's probably happy to see how much he meant to you." She started off her run and he can only watch as he felt a sudden wave of relief hit him. He can still recall her smile and how her brown eyes jut shined.
He felt much better now.
Hinata didn't think life could get much worse. But it has. Sitting right at the front, seeing her father's casket, and hearing the occasional cry and sob just topped the list. She couldn't escape it now. Back in her room, she can block it all out. But here, she was forced to see it. There was a picture of him when he was alive, a smiling one. She can feel the tears rolling down her face. If only they had more time.
"Sis?" Hanabi sat down next to her, staring at the smiling picture of their father. "Doesn't he look happy?"
"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, he does."
"He's probably really happy right now," chimed in Naruto, sitting on her other side.
"Happy?" Hinata asked, her eyes not looking away from the picture frame.
"Yeah," Sakura added from behind her, resting her hands on her shoulders. "He must be happy seeing all these people who care for him."
"And," piped in Ino, running her fingers through Hinata's long hair, "he knows you guys aren't alone."
"Hinata." Sai waved at her as she turned around.
"Sai!" she exclaimed, standing up immediately. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here for you," he replied, looking at the coffin that held her father. "You must be really sad he died, right?"
Everyone cringed hearing him mentioning Hiashi's death but Hinata nodded, looking down.
"At least he died surrounded by his family." Sai smiled.
"Sai," hissed Ino, elbowing him hard on the side, "don't say it with a smile!"
"Why?" He cocked his head. "I would die happy if I were surrounded by the people I love."
For some odd reason, Hinata began to giggle. The giggled turned into a hard laugh where tears began to stream down her face.
"You're right!" she finally breathed out, wiping her tears. "He was probably happy."
"Hinata." Sasuke, barley arriving, went in front of Hinata and stuck out his hand. "I'm sure words won't help you heal so I'll skip that but know that you have my full support if you need anything."
"That's the kindest thing you've ever said to her," stuttered Sakura, surprised by even her boyfriend's choice of words.
"This must be painful. Remember, you don't have to bear this alone," he advice.
Hinata nodded before shaking his hand. "Thank you so much, Sasuke. Everyone," she turned to look at all her friends and family, "Thank you so—"
"Hinata!" Naruto closed his eyes. He specifically told his mother not to let her emotions get the better of her and, yet, she's running towards Hinata with tears streaming down her face. "Hinata," cooed Kushina, hugging the young woman tightly. "I'm so sorry! I tried to go and visit but we've been so busy," she sobbed out, crying into Hinata's neck. "I'm so sorry for your loss, hun. I'm so, so sorry."
Hinata, after a while, hugged Kushina back.
"Hinata," Minato whispered, waving at her. "I'm sorry for your loss. Know that if you or your family needs anything, we have your back." He joined in on the hug and it was then that Hinata realized that this pain wasn't her own.
Complete strangers were shedding tears for her father's death. Her pain was everyone's pain. They all felt it. She wasn't alone.
"Everyone," she cried out, "thank you so much.
"Thank you."
"Dear father, it was hard writing this for you because I could barely comprehend the fact that you're gone forever. I deemed it unfair how quickly you were taken from us, from me. I had so much to say and you had so much to see still. I wish I could have said this to you but I'm sorry for leaving suddenly and not talking to you for years. I'm sorry that I didn't make more time for us and that I could at least had one more heart to heart conversation with you. I want you to know how loved you were, as you can see from all these people here. I want you to know how much my mother, your wife, loved you. She stayed right beside you the whole time. I want you to know how much strength you've given Neji and how much he looked up to you. I want you to know your twin brother loved you more than you thought he did. I want you to know that Hanabi will grow up to be a brilliant woman how you always said.
And I want you to know that, for me, you were the best father I've ever asked for.
I miss you and I love you, father. May you rest in peace."
