Obsessed Vampire Stalker

I sat on the edge of the roof of one of Seattle's skyscrapers, not far from the space needle. I was staring south, considering my next move. There had been no trace of Victoria in the place the predator had remembered. Victoria was long gone. All I really knew was that she had been here, but "south" was too broad of a direction for me to just wander around hoping to find her. If she and James had been as tightly bonded as Carlisle seemed to think, it was possible that she had followed us to Phoenix, searching for him. She'd been so confident of his success in his hunt for Bella. But he didn't return to her because we'd killed him.

I'd managed to confirm that she'd been in Seattle, acting on my hunch that she could be found where I knew she'd been before. Perhaps the next place to search for her was the last place James had been. Phoenix. Phoenix was south. Did I dare to leave Seattle and start my search over in a new city? I felt I'd been lucky this time to have run into a vampire who'd seen her. As Bella had pointed out to me, Phoenix was much larger than Seattle. I'd need much more than luck to find another trace of her.

I decided that it wouldn't take me long to drive to Phoenix and at least visit the ballet studio, see if I could pick up anything there. I could always return to Seattle if Phoenix was a dead end. If nothing else, I could call Alice, see if she had any new insight into where Victoria could be found. Though her previous visions had been vague - hunting, running in a forest - that didn't mean they would stay vague.

I thought of Phoenix, a bright sun-filled city and what I would do there. I'd be reduced to only hunting for her at night, forced to hide during the day. Phoenix had less cloudy days than Forks had sunny ones.

I felt a sudden longing to visit the place Bella loved so dearly, to see the house where she had lived, the school she used to attend. To look out over the valley and see for myself the places she had described to me. I couldn't see Bella or go to where she was now, but I could visit her past. My mind made up, I stood with enthusiasm and went to retrieve my car.

As I sped south, my phone rang. I was unsurprised to see that it was Carlisle calling me again. My family had called nearly every day. As usual, I ignored the call, having no desire for their pity or their worry. If they wanted to know where I was, I was sure Alice would be able to tell them. Otherwise, I wanted them to just leave me be. Yet I was grateful for the reminder of their love. We were a family still, even if I'd left. Even if I would likely never return.

Alice's blank spots bothered me again and I found myself pondering the connections between Victoria and Bella. Victoria had lost James when we'd killed him. I'd left Bella. Thanks to Alice's visions, I knew how unhappy Bella was right now. I wondered if Victoria was mourning James. Perhaps their emotions were affecting their futures? Maybe Bella had yet to get over me? Was that even possible? Part of me – a very selfish part – wanted to think that. That perhaps she could have loved me so much that even my lies couldn't make her hate me. That, if I dared to risk her life again, she might still love me and be willing to take me back.

When I'd first met Bella, my future had become indistinct in Alice's mind. Whether or not I would kill Bella; whether or not I would fall in love with her; whether or not she'd become a vampire. Each of these possibilities had shifted around so often that my future had been blurry for a time. Until I realized that I was in love with her; then Alice's visions had firmed into two possibilities for Bella. To become a vampire, or to die.

I knew that meant that with me a part of her life, she only really had one option. Because, as a vampire, she'd be dead, too. I realized I was about to break the steering wheel and loosened my grip. I was right to leave; I could only bring her death. There was no other option. If I had stayed, her future would have been death, or death and damnation. I was moaning in agony, gasping for breath, my body shaking. I had to pull the car over and get out in order to resist the urge to punch a hole through the roof. I leaned against the car, gasping. I could not return! An unhappy Bella was still an alive Bella. But Alice had seen Bella smile again.

I pictured her future smile and I wondered if it had happened yet. Alice's vision didn't seem to have been in the immediate future, but it had felt close enough. I remembered how strange the smile in Alice's visions had looked. She'd seemed… excited?... scared?... there was definitely a wild happiness. Well, maybe it had to do with her mother. I knew how she hated Forks, perhaps she'd be excited to go to Jacksonville. Starting over in a new city would be scary.

If, as Carlisle had cautioned me, Victoria was unhappy at James's death, maybe that affected her future. Alice didn't see everything. There had to be a decision behind the direction that the future took a person. If the person changed their mind, their future changed. Maybe this was the explanation for their disappearing futures. If their emotions were affecting their ability to make decisions, it could make their futures indistinct, and perhaps Alice wouldn't be able to see anything at all.

I was tempted to call Alice and discuss my theories with her, but then recognized the impulse for what it was. I wasn't checking on my family, or on theories about Victoria's future. I wanted to check on Bella. I wanted Alice to look at Bella's future again and to tell me what she saw. I wanted her to spy on Bella for me, to see if she was happy yet. Here I was, driving to her old home town just to look at a house she had once lived in and was contemplating having my sister spy on her future. I couldn't deny that I was stalking her. Well, I had watched her as she slept and followed her to another town when she went shopping with friends. I guess old habits died hard.

There was no other option; I would continue as I had started. I'd go to Phoenix and see if I could find any trace of Victoria. And while I was there, if I happened to stop by Bella's old home… I got back in my car and was speeding back south again within seconds. I was bound to Bella so completely. I couldn't be with her, but I couldn't leave her alone either. To have this tangible chance to see something of her – a place she'd lived, a place she loved – was something I could not resist. And she'd be in no danger from me.

It was dark when I drove into Phoenix. I decided to check into a hotel with attached parking so that I could come and go as I pleased without having to go into the sunlight. As long as I was in my car, I doubted anyone would notice me through the darkly tinted windows. I had packed long sleeved shirts, so my arms wouldn't be visible. I'd buy some gloves, sunglasses, and a hat to further hide my skin.

As soon as I was checked into my room, I took off again. I was anxious to visit Bella's house. I found it easily, remembering the drive last time in a stolen car as we raced against James. I parked in a shopping center's parking lot a few blocks away from her subdivision and walked slowly down the sidewalk into her neighborhood. I was imagining the little girl Bella playing on these streets, falling down and scraping her knee – I laughed fondly at this image – growing into the beautiful young woman I had met and loved. I pictured her life here, camping under the stars with her mom, learning how to ride a bike, going to visit friends' houses.

I paused outside a house where a teen girl was talking on the phone. I could hear her conversation easily and she was – perhaps predictably – discussing boys. I wondered if she had known Bella, if they had been friends, grown up together. I continued walking, keeping my ears and my mind open to hear all of the people.

mortgage due tomorrow… need to double check the bank…

bake on 350 for thirty minutes…

is he? It's ten thirty! He should be home by now. Maybe I should call…

going out with Dave tonight again…

oh come on! That was clearly a foul!...

I heard nothing unusual as I strolled down the streets. The everyday lives of these people would neither help me find Victoria nor help me feel close to Bella. Finally, I turned down her street and stood for a long moment staring at the house where Bella had grown up. This was a neighborhood and I knew strange young men – as I appeared to be – shouldn't be seen just standing around staring at unfamiliar houses. I found a place to hunker down to watch over the house where I'd be out of sight.

As I sat by the place where Bella had once lived, I recalled everything she had told me of her home, ran through our conversations in my mind, picturing her excited face as she described things I'd never experienced. I breathed deeply, trying to place each scent and listened to the sounds of the wildlife; the insects, the birds – though most of them were quiet at this time of night – bats, and frogs. The far off call of a coyote. The sounds that were unique to Phoenix were all so different from the forests I was used to. I looked around, observing the plant life, lightly touching the prickly spines of a cactus.

When we'd been here last, I'd stayed with her at the hospital and didn't get the chance to explore her city. Bella had been right; Phoenix was beautiful. I sat by the house all night, simply soaking the desert in. I had to hurry back to my car when I saw the sky begin to lighten in order to avoid being seen.

When I got back to the hotel room, I realized the pain that I had lived with constantly since the day I'd left Bella in September had eased slightly. I'd been near her house. I'd watched over it the way I used to watch her. I took a deep breath and could smell the desert on my clothes. It had a very different aroma than the rainy northern towns we'd been living in for so long. It was crisp and dry, pungent with the scents of the animal and plant life that were so particular to the desert. It smelled somehow right, familiar. I couldn't wait to go back as soon as the sun was down again.

I spent the entire day in the room, impatient for the sun to set. I alternated between pacing anxiously and sitting in the middle of the bed, curled in a ball. Miserable, I hugged my knees and tried desperately not to feel anything. Despite my inability to shed tears, my heart could cry and I couldn't hold back my moans. The slight relief being near her house had brought didn't last long and being trapped in the room made it too easy to sink back into my misery. I missed her so much! At least prowling Seattle had given me the illusion of doing something useful to help Bella.

When at last twilight descended, I hurried to my car and drove back to the shopping center I'd parked in before. I didn't immediately hide when I got to the house. There were no lights on, though it was still early. I listened for any thoughts, but detected no one inside. Scanning the surrounding houses to make sure I was unseen, I flashed over to the house and peered in the windows, but there were curtains in the way. Keeping an ear out for anyone who might see me, I went to the front door and looked around for a hidden key.

I finally found one under a flower pot and let myself inside.

Being in the house where Bella had once lived was exhilarating. I touched the carpet in front of the television, traced my fingers along the walls, and ran my hands over the light switches as I slowly made my way to the back of the house. I barely glanced in the largest bedroom, certain that it had been Renée's room. When I opened the door on the smaller bedroom, I saw that it was no longer the room of a young girl. The room was decorated with sports memorabilia and posters of flashy cars, the deep blue of the walls offset by a cream colored carpet that was strewn with clothes, shoes, games, and gaming magazines. I was certain this family had a son, not a daughter. I lightly touched the car posters, smiling as I remembered Bella telling me she didn't speak Car and Driver. This young boy obviously did.

I laid down on his unmade bed and tried to imagine what it would have been like growing up here. My human years had been so long ago and the memories were fuzzy. It didn't help that the era I came from was so vastly different from what kids experienced now. I couldn't imagine myself spending my limited human years playing video games. I saw that he had some trophies and stood to examine them, pleased when I saw that he played baseball. I lightly touched his knick knacks and opened the school book that was on his desk. History. I read over the paper he was writing and saw that they were studying World War I; a war that I had almost been a part of. I shook my head and continued to examine the room.

I could detect nothing of Bella here. Nor, surrounded as I was by cars and sports, could I imagine her in this room at all. Her room at Charlie's house may have been untidy with shoes and schoolwork, but it hadn't been messy. Her CDs had always been neatly stacked, her books put carefully away, her clothes in the hamper. I left the room to examine the rest of the house, though I despaired of finding anything inside that would make me feel close to her. I stood in the bathroom, avoiding looking in the mirror, and touched the sink, the closet doors, the knobs on the faucet, places where I knew her hands had once touched.

It was in the kitchen where I finally felt her presence. I knew that she had done the cooking for Charlie, but that was already a learned behavior as Renée had been an unpredictable cook. I had helped Bella cook for Charlie and could easily imagine her standing at this stove, making spaghetti for her mother, then washing the dishes in the sink. I stayed in the kitchen for a long time, picturing Bella there, cooking.

Headlights splashed across the room through the window as a car pulled into the driveway. I looked outside to see the family had come home. The boy was dressed in a uniform and I guessed he had just come from either a practice or a game. I listened to his excited thoughts, and confirmed that it had been a practice; the game would take place the following day. I flashed across the house to the backdoor, letting myself out before they could open the front door. I hid in the shadows of the house until I was sure I would not be seen and hunkered down in the same spot as the previous night.

I breathed in the desert air and didn't move until the sun began to rise again. I spent a week in this fashion. Pacing the hotel room during the day, watching over the house at night. If they were not home, I'd let myself in to sit at the kitchen table, or to recline on the floor of the livingroom. I'd found a strange peace there, envisioning Bella's life before I had known her. Nothing like what I used to find when I'd spend the nights watching her sleep. Nothing like that. But any improvement on my constant misery was welcome.

When I walked through the neighborhood a week after my arrival in Phoenix, I became aware of an unfamiliar scent. A vampire had walked this way. Recently. As I paced down the street, I was alarmed when their scent turned to follow my path through the neighborhood. Wondering if they'd scented me and were following me, I paused to apply the contacts I'd bought in Seattle to my eyes. I'd kept the extra pair with me, just in case I ran into someone who could help me.

Concerned for the family in Bella's former home, I increased the speed of my steps. When I rounded the last corner, I saw him peering through the curtains, as I had done. I let out a sigh of relief to see that they weren't home, yet.

I watched him for a moment, staying out of sight. He was tall, muscular, but slightly pot-bellied, his hair trimmed into a crew cut. It looked like he'd been in his thirties when he died. I imagined he'd have looked menacing even as a human.

What is it about this place? Is he stalking the family? He laughed softly. Sounds like a fun game.

I growled angrily. Now my very scent was endangering this family, causing another predator to see what had drawn me back again and again.

Leaving the shadows, I walked up to him, no longer bothering to hide my presence. He heard my approach and turned to face me. I slowed as I got closer and we eyed each other warily.

I've been tracking this kid?

I sighed. Even though I was nearly a hundred and ten, I would always look seventeen. I decided not to let it bother me. If he thought of me as a kid, it would make him underestimate me, and that was always a good thing when dealing with unknown potential enemies.

"What's your name, kid?" he asked me.

"Mason," I said, giving him my middle name. "What's yours?"

"Roger."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I smelled you," he explained. "Why are you here?"

Unwilling to explain about my connection to the house, I settled for telling him something that any vampire should be able to understand. "This neighborhood is my territory. Please leave."

"No need to be rude. I haven't hunted here, yet."

"Good. Don't." I wished he would leave, but he was curious, still wondering what kept drawing me back to the same house.

Probing for information, he asked me, "What other territory are you claiming?" I haven't smelled him around the town... can't be limiting his kills to one area... get noticed...

"None, yet." I noted the vivid bright red of his eyes. They were exactly like Alice's vision of Bella's eyes. "Newborn?" I asked.

"Excuse me?"

"I was just wondering how long you've been a vampire. Were you changed recently?" I clarified.

"Yeah, bout four, maybe five months ago." The wary look returned to his eyes. "You?"

I shook my head. "No. I died many years ago." We studied each other for a moment.

Many, huh...

"Who created you?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I remember being attacked. I thought it was a lion or coyote or something. Then I remember flying... I was being carried, but they moved so fast! And pain." He paused and I caught the memory of the pain of his transformation. "I thought I'd died and gone to hell. Then I woke in the desert. Been alone ever since."

"You don't remember anything about the one who changed you?"

"What's with the twenty questions?" he asked, suspicious.

"I'm looking for someone. I thought maybe they'd created you."

"Well, like I said, I never saw whoever it was. And I don't think you'll find them here," he gestured to the small house. "The only ones I smell here are human, other than you. In fact, I haven't met anyone else here in Phoenix. How long have you lived here?"

"Not very long."

"Well, where did you come from, then?"

"I move around a lot," I answered evasively.

"Heh. Well, Phoenix is my home. Born and died here," he grinned. "So I'd say that makes this my territory, not yours."

"You've got the rest of the city. You've no need for this small neighborhood."

"Maybe, maybe not. I give you this neighborhood today, what part of my city will you take tomorrow?"

"I told you, I move around a lot. I won't be staying, but I'd like it if you stayed away from here."

"You'd like it, would you?"

"That's right."

"And if I don't?" he asked belligerently.

"Then we'd have a problem." I glared at him.

"Big words, kid." He flexed his muscles and grinned at me.

I saw him remembering his human life, blurry images of fighting, of chasing people who ran from him. He'd enjoyed causing pain as a human and often made the deaths of his human victims painful now - when he was able to restrain himself enough. He was still newborn enough that his instincts to feed overpowered almost any other desire.

I felt a tingle of fear. The predator I'd killed in Seattle had been dangerous to the human women, but slow and weak compared to me. This monster was more like Emmett. If he decided to attack me, I'd have to be quick, or I'd end up in ashes.

When I didn't react to his threat, he considered me again. Cocky kid... "Why do you claim this neighborhood when it's this one house you visit? I haven't smelled you anywhere else. Were they your family or something?"

"Yeah," I agreed, easily. It was as good an explanation as any.

I heard the sound of an approaching engine and recognized the thoughts of the family inside. If they came home now, they'd see us.

"And they'll be home soon, so you should be on your way now."

"Hmm, no. I think I'd like to stay. Maybe say hi to mommy and daddy," he mocked me.

"You'll never touch them," I snarled at him. I couldn't let this innocent family suffer because of my obsession.

He laughed and began to stalk slowly toward me. It was his intention to intimidate me, force me to back away. He wanted me to run. He'd enjoyed chasing those who ran from him in his life. Watching the blurry images of him chasing young men, I saw him remember catching them, tackling them to the ground, hitting them into submission, and then... handcuffs?

Had he been a police officer? He'd used his position of power to hurt and even kill, trusting his status as a law enforcer to enable him to break laws with impunity. Feeling disgust for the monster, who'd been as much a monster while alive as he was now, I heard a growl building in my chest and bared my teeth at him.

Excited at my challenge, he rushed at me. Seeing his plan to grab me, I ducked down just as he neared me and knocked his feet out from under him. Grabbing his leg, I used his momentum to spin him around and slam him into the ground. He kicked me off of him and I flew through the air. He stood quickly and laughed, watching me land on my feet, dirt flying around me as I skidded to a stop. I rushed him next, grabbing his arm. He used my momentum that time and spun me around, flinging me through the air once again. I crashed into the house, breaking the bricks. The side of the house crumbled in with the force of my impact.

Furious at the damage done to my place of refuge, I launched myself at him, grabbing him by his neck and slamming him into the asphalt. He grabbed my arm and twisted and I had to roll off of him or risk losing it. I took hold of the arm that was latched onto me and flung him over me, twisting around with the motion and wrenching my arm free.

We circled each other and I felt his surprise. He'd expected to beat me easily, not having any previous interaction with another vampire. I was certain that I could not let him get his arms around me. With his newborn strength, he'd crush me easily. The only reason I'd been able to get away from him thus far was because he didn't realize his current strength was anything unusual.

I heard him planning his next move and acted to counter his attack. When he flung himself at me, I launched myself through the air at him and swung my foot at his head as hard as I could. I buried my foot in his face and we fell together, his body crumpled underneath me.

Ugh, gross.

I stood and watched as Roger's body twitched on the ground at my feet. I nudged him with my toe, wondering if he was really dead. Though his head was nearly split in two, I knew that a vampire's body could recover from nearly any injury. The only way I could ensure his death was by turning him into ash. I couldn't burn him here, but I didn't dare turn my back on him. My lips curling in disgust, I grabbed his ruined head and wrenched it off of his shoulders, as I had with the predator I'd killed in Seattle. His body continued to twitch, but I didn't think it possible for him to recover now.

I couldn't stay there; the family was about to come home and find their house damaged. Feeling remorse over the damage my actions had caused to their house, I wrote a note of apology, blaming the damage on a car crash. I promised them that I would cover the costs to repair their house and left them the contents of my wallet, intending to withdraw enough from the bank the next day to more than pay for the repairs. I smoothed over the dirt where I'd left skid marks after he'd thrown me. I made sure there was no other visible evidence of our fight other than the broken wall of the house and then grabbed his corpse, picked his head back up and sped into the desert to burn him.

While I watched the vile smoke rising from his body, I examined my feelings. I'd felt sickened after killing the predator in Seattle – though I'd never even bothered to find out his name. This time, the vampire had attacked me. He'd been a monster in life and death, but I thought I should still feel remorse. Killing in self defense was still killing. Instead I felt numb. I felt the need to get back in touch with my lost humanity and wished I could go back to relax on their living room floor again, but I knew I couldn't return to the house for a while since they would probably have the police investigating.

I knew there had to be another way to connect with Bella and with my lost humanity. Wanting to see more of what her life had been like, I sought out her old high school. It was a huge group of buildings. I knew every person in Forks High School, partly due to my vampire recall – vampires remembered almost everything – but also because of how small our student body was. I guessed, based on the size of this school, that a single grade level had more students than our entire school.

I knew how Bella had hated to stand out and could easily imagine her trying to blend into the background here. If it hadn't been sunny, would the family of five vampires siblings have been able to blend in? I had a feeling we would have done a better job at it than she would have. Her radiance would have stood out and set her apart no matter where she went.

I walked among the buildings, peering through the windows. I saw a large auditorium, the stage set with benches, fake trees, and a backdrop of a country road; a gym with basketball hoops on one side and a volley ball net strung up across the other; a large pool with a high diving board. Breaking the chain that held the door shut, I let myself into the main building. Pacing slowly down the halls, running my hands along the lockers, I looked into every room I passed. There were rooms filled with computers; rooms with posters on the walls showing covers of books and advertisements for plays – I recognized Romeo and Juliet with a pang; rooms with walls filled with numbers and equations; rooms with maps and posters of historical figures; rooms with long tables and shelves full of laboratory equipment. I paused outside of what was obviously a biology room and pressed myself against the small window in the door.

Thinking back to those first days, I wondered if there was anything I could have done differently, if there had been any way to avoid the misery I was in now. Would it have been better to have stayed in Denali? If I had not returned to Forks after that first week away… I suddenly realized that Bella had been right. She was alive because of me. I had stopped the van from crushing her. I had stopped the gang of men from raping and murdering her. If I had stayed away, or if I had died in 1918 – as I used to wish so often that I had – then Bella would not now be alive.

For the first time I could remember, I was glad to exist. I had saved her life because I loved her. Saved her time and again. My love was keeping her alive still. By keeping myself and my family away from her, she was safe. I sat down at one of the picnic tables outside of the cafeteria and grappled with myself. I had hated my existence for so long. The only thing that had made my life bearable had been spending time with Bella, loving her and being loved by her. I hated being a vampire, a monster, a freak. She had made me feel human again, had awoken the man in me, and helped me to silence the monster. Everything else in my life was meaningless, she was all that mattered.

Once awoken, the human man in me refused to be put back to sleep. I ached, missing her. I wrapped my arms around my legs, wishing they were wrapped around her. I breathed in the scents of the desert air, but all I could smell was her sweet, floral scent: freesia, with a hint of strawberry. The only sound in my ears was the echo of her laughter. I looked up at the sky, but her melted chocolate eyes were all I could see. I ran my fingers over the wood of the table, feeling not the rough grain, but her silky hair, her smooth skin. I was breathing fast, gasping in pain, clenching my teeth together to avoid screaming. I missed her more every day and the thought of the next eighty years without her was too much to bear. I didn't know if I would be able to stand even one more day without her.

I went back to the small house and tried to regain the sense of peace her past had brought to me before. Trembling and gasping, I leaned against the house and searched for the strength to face the rest of my lonely, miserable life without her.

I had to admit to myself that, if I didn't seek out the ballet studio soon, I might spend the rest of my existence breaking into the small house where Bella had once lived. Tired of pacing the room, I wandered the hotel, anxious for the night to come. I would go visit the studio that night, I told myself firmly.

The hotel had a lounge and I went in, considering pretending to order something, just to pass the time. It was early in the afternoon and there wasn't anyone inside when I went in. I looked around, undecided. Then I spied a piano in the corner by the bar.

I felt drawn to it. It had been so long since I'd played, since I'd heard music at all. Not since listening to my CD on the night of Bella's party. I touched the keys, thinking sadly of how I used to play for her, how it always made her cry. I stroked the keys lightly, not pressing down, wishing she was there with me so I could play for her again.

"Do you play?"

I turned around, startled. A young man was watching me, smiling politely. He had on a uniform of the hotel staff and an apron. I guessed he worked at the bar. I'd been concentrating on Bella so hard I hadn't heard his thoughts when he entered the room. I heard him now, and was angered by the pity in them.

guy looks sick… tortured artists, pff… probably a junkie…

I saw how I looked to him, my skin pale, my eyes black with thirst, dark purple rings underneath. My months of misery were evident on my face. I frowned at him, but didn't answer, then turned my back and looked at the keys again, trying to regain the feeling of her closeness the man had interrupted.

"Can I get you a menu?"

I shook my head. Not unless you serve mountain lion.

He gestured to the piano, "You're welcome to sit down if you want. As there's no one else here, I don't think anyone will mind." Even if all you can play is Mary Had a Little Lamb…

When I didn't respond, he walked away and went about his business.

With a desolate longing, I sat at the piano and closed my eyes. I tried to imagine her there, sitting at a table, her chocolate eyes on me. I breathed deeply and smelled the scents of the desert again. I heard the man's mind as he occupied himself with his work, forgetting me when I didn't begin playing right away.

Without opening my eyes, I placed my fingers on the keys and played a scale, testing the tuning. I was unwilling to play on an inferior instrument. To my surprise, it sounded sweet, well cared for. Slowly, I began to play, a few easy, quiet tunes to start with, building up to the complex piece I had written for Esme. As the sound of the piano took over, I could feel Bella there beside me, her presence tangible, warm. One song blended into the next as I worked my way through the songs I had spent so many decades perfecting. I never opened my eyes, tuning out everything but the piano in front of me and the feel of her beside me. I had played often for Bella over the short rainy summer that was the only time my life had meant anything. The only song I avoided was the one I had written for Bella. I didn't think I could take playing her song again. But though I tried, I kept hearing her lullaby sneak into the pieces as my fingers danced over the keys.

I was brought out of my momentary relief from the all-consuming misery I'd been living in when I felt a light touch on my arm. Startled for the second time in one day, I jumped to my feet and the bench clattered to the floor behind me. I stared wild-eyed at the woman who stood in front of me. Her presence had been so real, I half expected to see Bella there, smiling at me, a faint blush on her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry to bother you. Um. We're closing up now…" the woman said with an apologetic smile.

I let out the breath I'd been holding, coming back to reality and looking around the room, shocked to find that I'd spent the entire day at the piano. It was well past midnight, the staff was ready to go home and I couldn't stay.

Real human, Edward, I scolded myself. I'd been playing without stopping for hours. I knew that a human would have needed to take a break, eat and drink something, use the bathroom. Furious with myself for so completely loosing track of everything around me, I picked up the bench I had knocked over and set it back at the piano, then stalked out of the lounge.

The woman hurried to catch up with me.

"That was lovely."

I glanced at her, but didn't answer.

"How long have you been playing?"

I didn't think telling her I'd spent most of the past eighty years playing was a good idea, so I ignored her, hoping she'd take the hint and leave me alone.

She hurried around to stand in front of me and held out her hand. "Hi. I'm Caroline."

"Leave me be, Caroline." I had no intention of shaking her hand and wasn't interested in conversation. I wanted to go to the dance studio, to try to track Victoria.

"So you can speak!" she said tauntingly.

I inhaled slowly and raised my eyes to the ceiling, trying to figure out how to keep this infuriating human from bothering me. Shall I dispose of her? the monster within me asked. Fighting him back, I looked at her again.

"What do you want?" I snarled at her.

She paled, but spoke, determined to ignore my rude behavior. "I just thought that… you might like the dinner I made for you. You know, since you more than paid for it tonight." Her smile was kind, motherly, and reminded me of Esme. She held out a styrofoam container to me. "Please? Take it?"

My mouth formed a hard line and I scowled at her, but she stood her ground. She was thinking of her son. She had lost him to drugs and was concerned for me. Toward the end, he had looked much as I did now; pale and angry. Slowly, the hard look left my face and I looked at the box she was holding. Reluctantly, I took it from her. It smelled disgusting, burnt and soggy.

"Thanks," I mumbled and continued to make my way out to my car.

"Will you be back tomorrow?" she called after me.

I didn't answer, was not sure how to answer. As soon as I was out of her sight, I disposed of the food she'd given to me in a trash can. I didn't think loosing myself in the piano everyday was a good idea. It wasn't a good way to remain inconspicuous for one thing. For another, the pain I felt now was amplified. As though my suffering had been saved up all day and was unleashed on me now in full force. Her presence had been so real, I felt Bella's absence with a fresh ache. I groaned, missing Bella more now than I had before. My knees gave out and I doubled over, retching. If I'd been human, I would have gotten sick, but I hadn't fed in so long there was nothing in my stomach, anyway. When I was able to stand again, I had to lean against the wall to stay upright. Finally reaching my car, I collapsed in the driver's seat, trembling, breathing fast, feeling waves of fire and ice scorch through me.

No. I would not be back to play.

Eventually, I regained control of myself and started my car, intending to drive to the dance studio. Then I considered the time of night and how little time I would have before the sun came up. I changed my mind and drove out into the desert instead, using my car's GPS to navigate to a local park so I could hunt. I knew there were coyotes around and I hadn't hunted since I'd left Alaska. Even if I didn't make it out of the desert before sunrise I wasn't likely to run into any people who could see me. I had my hat, sunglasses and gloves in the car, just in case. Plus seeing Phoenix at night was one thing. I wanted to experience the city in the light of day. To see it as Bella would have.

A couple of coyotes later, I watched the sun rise over the valley. I watched in awe as the beauty of the desert unfolded before me. The rising sun lit each individual needle on the cactuses, making them seem almost like brightly lit Christmas trees. The shadows where the sun had yet to reach contained hidden secrets, the animal life in their burrows, the scraggly plants that blended into the brown rocks and dirt. The mountains around me sprang into vivid relief in shades of unexpected red, orange, and yellow. The flowers stood out in bright contrast, the pinks and purples so different from the brown and green that surrounded them.

I had loved soaking up the sun in our meadow, enjoying how the sun changed the way the flowers looked, how I could almost hear the plants growing, reaching for the sun, and how the sun had made everything smell more alive. I could see the way the sun kissed Bella's hair and skin and made her, too, smell so deliciously alive. I breathed deeply and tried to imagine the way she would have smelled to me if she were there beside me now. How the dry crispness of the desert would have lifted her floral scent, how the sun would warm her aroma, intensifying it, making Bella smell so much more like herself. Phoenix was her home and I could sense her in every cactus flower, every gust of wind, in the dry heat, and the endless sky.

I lay back on the ground, stretched my legs out, put my hands behind my head, and lifted my face to the sky. I closed my eyes and spent the day letting the sun bake into me. Even at the end of January, it was warmer in Phoenix than Forks' average temperature. When the wind blew warm over my skin, I could almost imagine it was her gentle, curious touch.

When the sun sank low enough that I could hide in the shadows, I made my way to a bank to withdraw money for the family. They were home when I got back to the house, and their thoughts were unhappy ones. Full of worry. I had the cash wrapped in a brown paper bag and I sped to their door, knocked quickly and left the bag on the doorstep before sprinting away. I watched from where they couldn't see me to make sure they found the money and felt their astonished relief.

Happy that I could at least make up in some small part for my deeds, I finally made my way to the dance studio. As soon as I saw it, I realized why I had been unconsciously putting it off. The sight of the burned building was a painful reminder of the damage my carelessness had caused Bella. She had suffered because of me; was still suffering because of me, as Alice's visions had shown me. I had known at the time that the nomads were near, yet I had decided to take Bella out to the middle of nowhere to watch my family play a game. If I had not, James would never have chased her and I would not now be chasing Victoria.

I considered the burned building in front of me. It had been nearly a year since we had burned the studio to the ground. I had expected to see a new building in its place.

Why didn't they rebuild? I wondered. Needing some answers, I went into the store across the street from the studio. It was full of wind chimes and water fountains, the walls were covered with art – paintings, metal sculptures, and homey signs – and the shelves were filled with glassware and dishes depicting birds of every type.

There was a woman behind the counter, reading a magazine. Doing my best to smile politely, I walked up to her.

"Ah, excuse me?" I said, drawing her attention away from her magazine. My anxiety made my voice rough.

She looked up, startled. She hadn't heard me come in. "Hi. Can I help you find something?" she eyed me warily, gesturing to the display racks behind me.

"Thank you, no. I was just wondering if you could tell me… what happened to the building across the street?"

"Someone burned it down," she shrugged.

Could she be any less helpful? I frowned, annoyed, and turned away from her to consider the building again.

Why is he so interested in a ballet studio?

"Did you have a daughter you were hoping to enroll?" the woman asked me. She was wondering what I was doing staring at the ruined building, growing suspicious of my strange behavior.

Enroll? I glanced at her, wondering what she meant.

She nodded in the direction of the studio.

Oh. "Ah, no. My… sister. Alice. She loves to dance."

"Oh, that's too bad. I don't think they're going to rebuild again."

"Again?"

"Yeah. This is the third time. My cousin owned the studio. Some hoodlums burned it down last year. She was in the process of rebuilding when… well, they say it was an electrical fire, but now, just a month after she reopened, someone burned it down again," she explained, shaking her head. Her thoughts continued, I don't think she'll be able to convince the insurance company to foot the bill for a forth studio. They found traces of gasoline this time and are trying to accuse her of starting the fires.

I was staggered. Someone kept burning the place down. I felt certain that it was Victoria. Carlisle had been right about their relationship. She was mourning James and seemed unwilling to let the place where he died be put to use by the humans. I wondered why that was; most coven members were together mostly for convenience. Laurent had been quick enough to leave them.

"How long ago was the last time?" I demanded, taking a few steps toward her.

She took a step back and I felt an icy thrill of fear in her mind. I saw how I suddenly appeared to her and knew that I looked exactly like what I was. Someone dangerous. A predator. I took a step back and tried to smile, but the expression was forced, fake, and she could tell.

"Um, about three weeks…" she stared at me, wide-eyed.

I snarled. Three weeks. During the time I had been in Seattle looking for Victoria, here she was burning the studio to the ground! If I had just come here right away instead of stalking Bella's past, I might have caught her by now.

If there was one good thing about such a sunny city, it was that there hadn't been any rain to wash her traces away. It was possible I could still find something. I left the frightened woman standing behind the counter staring after me and walked across the street to inspect the building's remains for any scent, any sign that might be left.