The Phone Call

My phone rang.

I had been reduced to this: pacing. I paced the city without end. From beach to mountain, suburbs to slums, city center to jungle's edge, I had walked every inch of the city, but Rafael and Carlos were the only two vampires whose scent I ran across. They didn't stop me, but I knew they were keeping tabs on me. Victoria really hadn't come here. I still couldn't believe it.

My phone rang.

Occasionally I would stop to sit by the ocean, or to crouch on a rooftop or mountain side to look out over the city, but the anxiety I felt at being stuck in Rio would have me back on my feet within minutes. I felt an urge to book a flight back to Houston, to see if I could find Maria's old coven and get them to tell me any detail that perhaps they had not thought of before. Knowing the urge for what it was, I resisted. It was an easy flight from Houston back to Phoenix… or better – or worse – to Seattle, and from there to Forks.

To Bella.

I needed her.

Home.

It called to me.

Bella…

My thoughts were a constant repetition. Bella. Home. Bella. Home.

There was nothing else in my life. I had to return. I had no choice. I knew this. Knew it more surely than I knew the sun would rise. Knew it in every cell of my body. Knew it just as surely as I knew that I couldn't return.

My phone rang.

But what if I did?

Would it really be so awful?

No. It wouldn't be awful. It would be heaven. Rio wasn't paradise; Forks was. Rio was hell. Worse even than Seattle had been. Forks was heaven and Bella was my angel. Wasn't there any way that I could make myself safe for her? Wasn't there any way to be with her and not endanger her life? I didn't care what it would take. I was willing to suffer anything, just to be with her. She wouldn't even have to get close enough for me to touch, just to look at her face would make my existence worthwhile.

But this!

This existence! This was worthless. Meaningless. Pointless.

Animal blood was sustenance for my family, but there was little pleasure to be had in it. Our entertainments and studies were things to fill our time with, but none of them held any interest to me anymore. If I were to sit in front of a piano again, I doubted I would be able to peck out Mary Had a Little Lamb. There was no book that could hold my attention, no subject I wanted to learn about, no place I wanted to visit.

My phone rang.

Except for the one place I couldn't go.

Home.

To Bella.

I wasn't sure how long I had been in Rio, but the rains were slacking off; the weather turning, not so much cooler, as less hot. The southern summer was coming to an end, the rainy monsoon season over. During the days when the sun would break through, I hid myself in attics and crawl spaces. I'd spend the time wrapped in a miserable ball, fighting the need in me to go home.

I had taken a plane, but with a newborn in tow, Victoria would have been forced to run, as I would have done rather than waiting on a passport. Thinking that maybe I had simply arrived before Victoria did, I prowled the city, visited the surrounding villages, hoping without hope that I would find Victoria. Or another vampire. Gustav, perhaps, or Ethan. I knew it was futile. She wasn't here. She never had been.

My phone rang.

I sighed. Why couldn't they just leave me be! If I wanted to talk to them, didn't they think I would call? Or answer?! Why couldn't they just leave me to my misery? For two days – had it been two days? or was it more? or less? did it matter? – my phone had rung over and over. Sometimes I heard it. Other times I didn't. I never looked at it, didn't care who was calling. The only voice I wanted to hear was Bella's.

Every second since I had lost Victoria had been a struggle. Each second worse than the one before. Now that I had nothing to chase, I realized I had nothing.

Nothing at all.

My phone rang.

Nothing that meant anything except for Bella. There was no way I could live for years like this! What had it been so far? Six months? Seven? I had lost track. It felt like centuries. All I knew was that it had been too long since I had seen her. Since I had touched her. Since I had kissed her, smelled her, heard her laugh, looked into her eyes.

This couldn't continue. I had to go home.

My phone rang.

Again.

"WHAT?" I growled furiously.

"Oh, well, don't I feel honored. Edward actually answered the – "

I closed the phone with a snap.

"Rosalie," I scoffed, angry. What the hell did she want? Why was she bothering me of all people?

My phone rang again before I could put it back in my pocket.

"This had better be good. Be quick."

"You're a selfish jerk. You know that, don't you?"

I closed the phone again, pulled the battery off before it could ring yet again. I resisted the fierce urge to fling it out into the ocean. I sighed angrily, feeling a harsh growl in my throat. Why did I even bother keeping it charged? Now that I had lost Victoria and my family was warned, I had no reason to be in contact with anyone. Not that I had been in contact much before.

"Selfish jerk," I muttered. The words were true. I was a selfish jerk. I had been thinking non-stop about returning to Forks, to Bella, which was the most selfish thing I could think of. Returning was what I wanted, what I needed, what was good for me, but not for anyone else. Not good for my family. Not good for Charlie or Renée. And most certainly not good for Bella.

Pacing again. I'd reached the edge of the jungle and sighed, not feeling like turning back around and pacing the city yet again. But where else was I going to go? I knew without a doubt that the moment I left Rio, there was only one place I would go. The small window that lead to the only heaven I would ever know filled my thoughts. I turned around, paced back toward the center of the city.

I shoved my hands in my pockets, was surprised to find two lumps there instead of one. Pulling them out, I saw that the battery wasn't on the phone anymore and reattached it.

A few minutes later I remembered why I had detached it when it rang.

Again.

"Rosalie, so help me – "

"Wait, Edward, don't hang up."

"Then be quick about it and LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted at her.

"I just thought you should know… Um..." She paused. I thought her voice sounded odd, nervous, as if unsure about what she had to say. Although I thought it was strange - Rosalie had always been so certain of herself - I wasn't really interested enough to care why.

I matched her silence with my own.

"Alice… well…"

I resisted the overwhelming desire to crush the phone in my hands.

"Alice went back to Forks. She saw… something." She spoke in a rush before trailing off, nervous again.

Fury. Alice! How dare she? She swore to leave Bella alone!

"So you can come home now."

I was grinding my teeth, determined not to respond to her goading pauses.

"Come home, Edward."

Silence.

She sighed, and when she spoke again, her voice was angry, all nervousness gone. "You really are a selfish jerk! Esme has been going crazy with worry over you! I haven't seen Carlisle smile in ages. Jasper and Emmett don't wrestle anymore and nobody ever laughs. All Alice ever does is try to watch you, but you, oh you can't be bothered to pick up the phone once in a while! You left and you took the heart out of our family. I miss my brother, Edward! You are annoying and selfish and an egotistical know-it-all, but you're also the best and we all miss you! So come home. Now."

Her comments about my family hurt, but I wasn't planning on ever returning to them. I knew I would do them no favors by doing so.

She sighed again. "There isn't any point to this. It's over."

I closed my eyes, wishing she would get to the point already.

"You heard me say Alice was in Forks, didn't you?"

Unable to resist any longer, I snarled into the phone, "You think that because Alice is in Forks that everything is just going to go back to how it was? That, oh well, now I can just go home, too? Nothing has changed, Rosalie! If I go back to Forks, I WILL KILL BELLA!"

I realized I was shouting this at myself, as well as Rosalie.

The thought of going back home, of being ordered to go back home, to the one place on the planet that held any interest to me was so seductive. I needed to go home like I had never needed anything before. To see Bella again. To be with her. I wanted her, needed her, craved her.

But I would kill her.

"No. You won't."

I growled, about to hang up again.

"You can't."

I sighed, closing my eyes again and scrubbing at my face.

"Rose. Tell Alice I said to leave Bella alone. And stop calling me! I'm destroying my phone now, so don't bother calling – "

"Bella's dead."

" – me back because I… won't…"

Silence.

"What?" I whispered, sure I had misheard her.

"Alice went back to Forks to try to help Charlie."

"Help. Charlie. With. What?" I asked, still whispering.

"Deal with… this."

"Say it Rose."

"The others didn't want me to tell you, but I think you deserve to know."

"To know what, Rosalie?" I demanded.

Silence.

"ROSE!"

"Bella's dead."

"No. No she isn't."

No.

"Alice saw her drown. She… She threw herself off of a cliff. She didn't come up. She's dead. Bella is dead."

"No."

"So you can just forget all this nonsense and stop moping about and come – "

I closed the phone. I stood motionless, in shock. The words Rosalie had said were trying to break through, but my consciousness refused to accept them.

Bella...

No.

Bella…

No. She can't be.

Bella…

Rosalie is wrong.

Bella is…

She's playing some sick joke.

Bella is…

Because Bella can't be.

Bella is…

She can't be.

Dead.

"NO!"

Bella is dead.

"No! No, no, no, no, no. NO!"

Bella is dead.

"No! No, she can't be. NO! No, no, NO! NO!"

I collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily. Numb. Unable to comprehend the words going round and round in my head.

Bella is dead. Bella is dead. Bella is dead.

I shook my head. No. No she isn't. Rosalie is wrong. I'll prove it. And then I will fly to Alaska and wring her neck. And Alice's, too, for good measure.

I opened my phone slowly and dialed Charlie's house.

I didn't press send. I stared at the phone in dread, slowly shaking my head back and forth, denying my longing to hear the voice at the other end of the line. The voice that I knew would answer. And when she did, I would hang up. I wouldn't let Rosalie's sick joke affect Bella. If it was Charlie… I cleared my throat a few times in a strangely human gesture.

I hit send.

The sound of the phone ringing filled my world. If my heart was alive, it would have been pounding. I was sure she would have been able to hear it when she picked up.

"Swan residence," a man's husky voice answered.

Crushing disappointment.

Icy fear.

"Hello," I pitched my voice so that I sounded like my father. "This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. May I speak with Charlie, please?"

"He's not here." The words were a low growl, almost a threat, definitely menacing.

"Would you be so good as to tell me where he is, then?" I demanded. My voice was harsh, no longer bothering to attempt to sound like Carlisle.

A pause. Then the angry voice I didn't recognize said, "He's at the funeral."

The funeral.

He's at the funeral.

Bella's dead.

He's at the funeral.

She threw herself off of a cliff. She didn't come up. She's dead.

Bella is dead.

"No." The denial was a soft gasp.

I closed the phone. It fell from my lifeless fingers. I didn't hear it ring again as I walked away.

It wasn't possible. She couldn't be dead. It wasn't true. It couldn't be. For her to be dead, the sun would have exploded. The Earth would have shattered. For Bella to be dead, the universe couldn't go on. She was the only reason for the universe to have ever been created. For her to be dead now, why were people still living, laughing, breathing? I could hear them all around me. If they were alive, these worthless, silly humans, then Bella must be, too. There was no other explanation.

Bella is dead.

I didn't understand. It wasn't just the words that weren't making any sense, it was the entire concept. Bella was a happy person. Happy people didn't kill themselves! No, she might not have been happy since I left, but… enough to want to die? Not just to want to, but to act on it?! But Alice had seen her smiling again!

I fell to my knees. Felt something touch me. Looked up to realize a car had wrapped around me. I got to my feet and staggered away to lean against a building.

Someone touched my arm. "Hey, man, are you alright?! That car just – "

I wrapped my hand around the throat of the human who had dared to touch me and shoved him against the wall of the building I had leaned against. His feet drummed against the bricks, his hands clasped my wrist, his eyes were wide and his mouth worked, but no sound came out.

"Don't. Touch. Me," I growled in his face.

I released him and he fell to the ground, coughing and gagging as I walked away.

I ignored him and the other humans who were watching me, frightened now. As they should be.

I wasn't just a monster. I was death. I killed everything I touched. My parents had died, yet I lived on. Humans I had known in Calgary, humans whose names I had long since forgotten, were dead because of me. Humans I had killed, whose blood I had drunk, were dead because of me. The predator in Seattle was dead. Roger was dead. Maria was dead. James was dead.

Bella.

Bella was dead.

"No," I moaned.

Bella was dead. Because of me.

"Ah!" I fell to my knees again. Got back up. Took a few steps. Fell again.

Bella was dead.

I had killed her. She had thrown herself off of a cliff because of me. Because I had left. Because I was a monster. Because I had loved her and allowed her to love me back. I had left and now she was dead.

I left. And now Bella is dead. I said the words to myself, trying to understand them.

I loved her more than anything. She was my entire world. If she had left me, I would not have wanted to go on. Could I have done that to her? Had she loved me that much? How could that have been possible? What kind of a sick universe would make her love a vampire so much that she would die if she couldn't be with him?

Remembered words, her beautiful voice echoing in my ears. "I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton. I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

She had meant it.

God couldn't possibly exist. There was no heaven. There was no hell. Because no creator would possibly form such perfection with the intent that she love a monster. That she would love that monster so much that dying was preferable to living without him.

But humans healed! They fell in love and they fell out of love. I saw it all the time!

But Bella… Bella was stubborn. She decided on a course and she stuck with it. And Bella was not like other humans. I had known this from the start. The very first day, I knew that she was something other. Something more.

A human could not have contained the power of the love that I felt for her, it would tear them apart. A normal human. But Bella was never normal.

She… She had loved me.

Only now that she was gone did I begin to believe it. She had loved me. Loved me every bit as much as I loved her. And now she was dead. Dead because she loved me, just as I loved her. Dead because she couldn't live without me, just as I couldn't live without her.

I had left her and so she had killed herself.

And now I was stuck, alone in a world where she no longer existed. The very thought was unbearable. To live for eternity like this was unacceptable. No matter that I felt I might die from the pain, I never could.

There was only one solution. If the universe refused to end and take me with it, then I would just have to do the job myself. Carlos… would he be willing to kill me? Probably, but I doubted Rafael would let him. My pain at his refusal would entertain him too much.

I stood up and began walking again, heading back to the airport. I had a plane to catch. I wasn't going home – I had no home – I was going to go to Italy. To Volterra. To die, as I should have died in 1918. If I had died in 1918, my Bella would still be dead, but maybe we could have met in heaven. Now, though, that was impossible. Heaven was closed. They didn't let monsters in heaven.

As the plane rose into the sky, I smiled softly, thinking that soon – very soon – I would hurt no more. Soon, I would be unable to feel anything. The pain that I had lived with for months, this new and horrible pain I was in now, would soon be over. Bella's life was over and so was my only reason for living. Soon, I would be over, too.