Flight
Once back in the wood paneled, carpeted waiting room, Demetri left us, cautioning me again not to leave until dark. I could feel the eyes of the human woman upon me, noticing my cloak, but more shocked that Bella was still alive.
I paid her no attention as Bella was shivering, her entire body shaking in my arms. She was gasping and making harsh groaning cries. Her eyes streamed with tears and she seemed barely able to stand.
"Are you all right?" I asked anxiously. Stupid question! I thought to myself, but unsure how to help her.
"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice warned me. "She's going to pieces."
I pulled her over to one of the couches, as far from the human woman as possible.
"Shh, Bella, shh," I tried to comfort her. It was going to be ok. We were alive and in a few hours we would be going home.
"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice told me calmly.
Bella, who had always amazed me at her composure, was indeed on the verge of hysteria and I looked at Alice frantically. "It's alright, you're safe, it's alright," I said over and over. I pulled her into my embrace, sliding her onto my lap and wrapping the thick cloak around her. Even with her sobbing miserably in my arms, I couldn't help but to feel a profound joy. More than that - I was elated, jubilant, ecstatic. Bella was alive. Alive! We had won our freedom from the monsters that fed nearby, and we were going home.
Home.
"All those people," she choked out.
"I know," I said quietly. Would this have been enough to show her what being a vampire meant?
"It's so horrible."
"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that." And yet, if it finally made her realize that the future she was rushing toward was not the fairy tale she seemed to think it was, then this day would have been worth it.
She rested her head against my chest as she dried her eyes. Breathing in the scent of her hair, glorying in the fact that my arms were full, my heart was full, my hollow emptiness gone, I closed my eyes and smiled.
"Is there anything I can get you?" the human woman asked me. …wonder if the girl would like some food… Or perhaps I could arrange a different type of snack… square below has several hundred people available…
"No," I told her curtly. She nodded and went about her business.
"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella demanded in an angry whisper.
"Yes. She knows everything," I assured her.
"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"
"She knows it's a possibility." Bella looked surprised. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her." I explained. She, of all people, should understand that.
Her face paled. "She wants to be one of them?"
I nodded. I was glad to hear the horror in her words. It seemed that the truth of what I was had finally reached her. I watched her closely – I couldn't look away – as she shuddered and asked, "How can she want that? How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that?"
I felt my face twist. Would having her finally realize what it was to be a vampire mean she would no longer want any part of me? How could she? I was a horror, just as much as the others who were murdering people as we spoke. Would I have won her back, only to lose her again so soon?
She was staring at me as I was staring at her. "Oh, Edward," she cried and tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
To my delight, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed her body into mine. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" she asked, her voice breaking.
Hugging her tighter than I had ever dared before, trying desperately not to crush her fragile body, I whispered, "I know exactly what you mean. But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."
"Yes," she said, her mouth so close to my ear I could feel her warm breath and fought back a shiver. "That's a good one."
"And together," I said softly, wondering if she could possibly know how much that meant to me. She nodded, the skin of her soft cheek brushing against mine. I could feel her cling to me tighter, as if afraid to let go. If I had my way, she would never leave my arms again.
"And with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I couldn't help but tease.
"Hopefully," she said, her voice full of doubt. I wanted to chuckle at her.
"The outlook is quite good," Alice commented. I had forgotten she was there. With my whole world wrapped in my arms, the palace could have fallen down around my ears and I wouldn't have noticed. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours," she added, showing me our arrival in America, and the reunion with my family, Bella still held tightly in my arms. I smiled again.
Bella pulled away from me just enough so that I could see her face. I watched her watching me and reached to touch her cheek, unable to help myself. I had needed her for so long. There were dark circles under her eyes. The sorrow I had seen in Alice's memory was evident on Bella's face, in her eyes, her pale color, the crease between her eyebrows.
"You look so tired," I whispered to her.
"And you look thirsty," she whispered back. I had no doubt of that. I was thirsty, but that was unimportant. I would hunt soon enough. I could imagine Carlisle's pleasure at hunting with me again only too easily and anticipated the taste of the mountain lions and even the deer I would soon be drinking.
"It's nothing," I shrugged.
"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice." Though she made the offer, I felt her hands close about me tighter.
"Don't be ridiculous," I sighed. After believing her dead for an entire day, there was nothing in the world that could make me desire to drink her again. The burn in my throat was nothing after the agony believing her to be dead had caused me. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature than right now."
With a sigh, she stayed in my arms, her eyes tracing my face. I wanted to kiss the soft spot under her ear, but didn't think I'd be able to resist moving from there to her soft mouth. I ached to taste her lips, but felt that to do so before we had talked was wrong. Instead, I lightly ran my hands along her back, her arms, and gently touched her face. Despite myself, I was unable to resist bringing a lock of her hair up to my face, lightly rubbing it across my cheek, and I breathed in the perfection of her sweet scent.
Giving in to my nearly uncontrollable need to taste her, I kissed her hair, moved from there to her forehead, and then her nose. When I reached her nose – I was so close to her mouth I could taste her breath – she seemed to flinch away, as though she didn't want me to kiss her. Her hesitation made me pause. As used to her enthusiasm as I was, the fact that she didn't seem to want to kiss me worried me. She was quiet, seemed shy and uncertain.
She had been quick enough to save my life, but now that we were both safe, would she be willing to take me back? Could she forgive me? I could spend the rest of her life with her and never make up for the past seven months away. But I would try, if she would let me. I had ached to beg her forgiveness, to tell her how much she meant to me, but this was not the place. While we waited, she lay quiet in my arms and watched me watching her.
In a voice too low for the human woman to hear, I asked Alice for information on my family.
"How is Jasper? I hope he knows he's not to blame. None of this was his fault."
"I know that, Edward," she said, shooting me a sour look that told me she knew exactly where the blame lay – right at my feet. I sighed. It would take work to make things right with more than just Bella. "He feels bad, of course, but I think I've convinced him that this was inevitable."
I couldn't look away from Bella, but was sure Alice could see my shocked expression.
"You refused to believe me," she shrugged. "I told you Bella would be one of us one day."
I ground my teeth together, stubbornly refusing to believe, still, that it would ever happen.
"Either you were going to accept that, or you were going to convince yourself to leave somehow. It would have happened eventually. Jasper just happened to be the one to make you afraid enough of what our world could do to her. At least, as long as she's a human. You'll both be happier once she's not."
Looking away from Bella's face for the first time, I glared at her. Had she not just been in that horrible room with me? How could I turn Bella into a monster? A killer?
Alice's face was calm, her certainty of the future unruffled.
Changing the subject, I asked for more details. "Where is everyone living now?"
"We never left Alaska. Carlisle got a job at a hospital in Anchorage and Esme is teaching drafting several nights a week at a community college. Rose and Emmett enrolled in the same college. They're thinking about getting married," she rolled her eyes, "again. She's been pestering me to design a new dress for her."
"And you didn't jump at the chance?" I asked with a short laugh. Alice and fashion went hand in hand.
"I've been a bit distracted lately. My brother went missing." Her mouth twisted.
"Rosalie said you tried to watch me," I prompted her.
"Tried is the word," she agreed. "I knew you were traveling, but your future jumped all over the place. I could never really tell where you were headed or what you were doing. I think you walked a lot."
Brushing my fingers along Bella's soft cheek, I murmured, "I wanted to come home. So very much. It's all I thought about."
She nodded. "I know. But you wouldn't."
"I meant to ask you," her words had reminded me of my theories. "Your blank spots - could they have been due to a lack of decisions? Or an inability to pick a course of action? When I spoke with Maria, she said that Victoria hadn't decided how to come after me… Although it was really Bella she'd hunted," I snarled.
"Jasper's Maria?" I nodded. "Yes, he said you'd called to ask about her. You found her, then?" I nodded again.
She began searching through the various visions she'd had of me, most of them blurry and involving me returning home in some way. I saw my face, ferocious and tortured as I ripped the head off of the predator I'd killed in Seattle and we both flinched away from the image. I saw flashes of myself walking among buildings in more than one city. There were no images of Maria, though.
"You didn't see me find her?" I asked, surprised.
"No."
"Well, our encounter was brief," I said shortly, my voice harsh with the memory. It wasn't exactly like I had planned to kill her. I'd only wanted to talk to her. "But that doesn't really explain Bella and Victoria's blank futures."
"It was the wolves," she said simply.
"What?" I said, my voice suddenly loud in the silent room.
"I can't explain it, but I can't see them. When Bella began spending her time on the reservation, her future disappeared. Jacob may have only been a wolf for a few weeks, but her future was always going to include him – once you'd left, that is – and he's not the only wolf. Bella and I didn't go into details about the pack, but there are several members who have changed."
"And Victoria? I don't think she was hanging out with a bunch of dogs."
"Not willingly, no. But when we left, they began patrolling the town. When Victoria would try to enter Forks, they would chase her." I remembered the visions Alice had shown me. Victoria, running, hunting, then disappearing.
"What about Laurent?" I wondered why her visions showed Victoria hunting, but not Laurent. Bella had told Alice that he'd been after her, too.
"The wolves destroyed him."
"Hm."
"Those dogs kept Bella alive, Edward." Her voice was soft, but I could hear the rebuke in them. My lips formed an angry line at the thought of Bella putting her life into the care of those monsters. She was better off with the vampire family! At least we could control ourselves!
But I remembered Jasper's wild eyes with a feeling of unease.
"So what's your plan for getting out of here?" I asked, knowing she had looked into our future.
"Well, the Porsche has been found, so we can't use it again," her face was disappointed, but I chuckled. I could just imagine Alice behind the wheel of the car she'd stolen. And Bella had thought my Volvo was fast! "I'll steal us something suitable, I'm sure. Then back to Florence."
We were quiet for a few minutes as she anticipated being with Jasper again.
"What was all that talk about singers?" she asked suddenly.
"La tua cantante," I said with a twist of my mouth.
"Yes, that."
I shrugged. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer – because her blood sings for me."
Alice laughed at that.
We were silent for a time as I listened to Bella's heart. Unable to help myself, I brushed my lips across her face – though I avoided her mouth – enjoying the flutter I heard every time I kissed her. But though her heart might still flutter at my touch, her eyes were guarded, wary and almost fearful. I felt fear twisting inside of me and wished – as I had countless times before – that I knew what she was thinking. I didn't think it possible that she could be afraid of me, but she was afraid of something.
I turned at the sound of Alec entering the reception area. His eyes were a bright red after his meal. I tightened my hold on Bella as he remembered Jane's fury being visited upon the humans.
"You're free to leave now," he said pleasantly. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."
No longer forced to endure their polite games, I spoke in a hard voice, "That won't be a problem."
The human woman gave us instructions on leaving the castle as I pulled Bella to her feet. I considered warning her. I had seen Felix's intentions and knew that they did not plan on leaving her alive much longer, but she had been doomed from the moment she entered their service. With Aro's ability, they had a ready way of knowing where the loyalties of those who served them lay. If she tried to run, Demetri would find her and her death would be far more painful than what Felix had planned. Glancing back at the girl in my arms, I turned instead and pulled Bella with me into the night. The human woman wasn't important; she had made her choice.
The press of bodies was thicker than it had been that morning. Most of the children long since put to bed, the adults were enjoying their own version of the same role playing as I had seen in Seattle. Scornful still, I muttered, "Ridiculous."
I hid our luggage the next block over. Meet me just outside of the city; I'm going to go steal us a car. Wonder if I can find another Porsche…
I hid a laugh. As we made our way out of the city, Bella clinging tightly to me, she looked around and asked, "Where's Alice?"
"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning," I explained.
"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" She looked disapproving.
I grinned at her, remembering Alice's enthusiasm over the stolen car from that morning. "Not till we're outside."
Hearing Alice's thoughts grumbling from a nearby Honda, I pulled Bella out of the city, her slight form shivering as we passed under the ancient portcullis. Her steps faltered and stumbled and I could tell that she was tired. I wanted to pick her up and carry her in my arms, the way a man crosses the threshold with his beloved, but her quiet hesitancy prevented me. Instead, I wound my arms around her waist, supporting her as best as she would allow.
Heading straight toward the waiting car, I opened the back door, sliding into the backseat beside Bella. I pulled her into my arms, content for the moment. With the lights from the city disappearing behind us, I felt at peace with the world for the first time in far too long.
Gesturing angrily toward the dashboard, Alice apologized, "I'm sorry. There wasn't much to choose from." She pictured flying down the road in the stolen Porsche for me, and I felt her delight in driving a car that went nearly as fast as we could run.
Unable to stop myself from grinning at her, I said, "It's fine, Alice. They can't all be 911 Turbos." In truth, I would have been just as happy riding in Bella's ancient '53 Chevy.
Alice sighed with longing. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."
"I'll get you one for Christmas," I said to her. For saving, not just my life, but Bella's as well, I'd buy her a fleet of them.
Alice turned around in the seat to grin at me, "Yellow."
Knowing how tired Bella was, and how long the drive would be in the car Alice had been forced to steal, I tried to convince Bella to rest. "You can sleep now. It's over."
I heard her swallow loudly before she spoke, her voice trembling, "I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." As her eyes were drooping and her body lay limp against mine, I knew this was a lie.
Giving in to my desire to kiss the soft spot under her ear at last, I whispered, "Try," but she shook her head. "You're still just as stubborn," I said with a sigh. I didn't fight her, though, too happy to be able to see her eyes as we stared at each other throughout the long car ride.
When we got to the airport, I surrendered Bella into Alice's charge so that she could take the tired girl to freshen up. Alice bought a new change of clothes for me – I had never bothered to retrieve mine from the locker where I had stored them in Rio, and I had given all of my money to the cab driver the day before. Aside from missing a shirt, I'd been wearing the same pants for nearly two months. It felt amazing to wear clean clothes again and I looked forward to a long, hot shower. With delight, I shed the horrid cloak and tossed it into a pile of trash. I hoped some person in need would find it and enjoy its thickness, but it was almost more than I could take to resist burning the thing.
We caught a connecting flight to Seattle through Rome and Atlanta and when we were settled in for the long flight over the Atlantic, Bella ordered a Coke from the flight attendant. I muttered her name in disapproval – she needed sleep, not caffeine.
"I don't want to sleep," she insisted. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares." I didn't doubt that one bit. For once glad that I couldn't sleep, I understood exactly what she meant. I would forever see her exhilarated smile as she threw herself off of the cliff, and the image that followed – Bella's dark hair swirling around her still lifeless form. I didn't press her to sleep again, knowing that the demands of her body would make themselves felt eventually. I spent the flight holding her in my arms, running my fingers over her face again and again.
When she reached up to touch my face too, I could have wept with joy, except for my fear. She was still so sad, so hesitant. Would she ever forgive me? Could she? Tuning out Alice's phone conversation with Jasper as she related to him all that had happened in Volterra, I waited for Bella to ask me the questions I knew she must have had, but she never spoke. I finally realized that the conversation I knew we needed would be best to have when we were alone – and when she was better rested. I accepted her silence and spent the flight enjoying her presence. Over and over I kissed her hair, her forehead, her wrists, feeling the pulse strong beneath my lips. I breathed her in and counted her heart beats, still not believing that she was alive, in my arms, that I was going home.
Our family was waiting for us when we arrived in Seattle, Alice having given Jasper the details of our flight. Alice skipped quickly to Jasper and I could feel their relief. That we had all made it out of Volterra alive was nothing short of miraculous. I knew we would not have if it weren't for Alice's sacrifice. Allowing Aro to see into her mind had made of her a target more even than I had. It wouldn't be too long before he found some reason to come for her, and I was sure the girl in my arms would be his most likely excuse.
Carlisle and Esme's relief at seeing me again was loud in their thoughts, as was their gratitude to Bella for saving me, and their fury at me for what I had put everyone through. Esme reached for Bella. The love that she felt for the human girl was flowing through her thoughts and made me smile. I had missed my family.
"Thank you so much," Esme said as she hugged Bella as best she could. I refused to let go entirely, making the embrace awkward.
Then she hugged me as tight as she could. "You will never put me through that again!" she said ferociously. I had rarely heard her sound so like a vampire before and I grinned at her now.
"Sorry, Mom," I said, like an erring child.
Carlisle came to hug Bella as well, saying, "Thank you, Bella. We owe you."
"Hardly," she muttered, her voice slurred with exhaustion.
"She's dead on her feet," scolded Esme. "Let's get her home."
Home. I smiled, pulling Bella through the airport with Esme supporting her on one side and I on the other.
When we got outside, I saw Rosalie and Emmett leaning against Carlisle's Mercedes and I fought down the urge to yell at my sister.
"Don't," Esme whispered to me. "She feels awful."
Incapable of being charitable to her at that moment, I said in a flat voice, "She should."
"It's not her fault," Bella mumbled. So quick to forgive – even when the result had been a trip through hell – Bella, of course, didn't blame Rosalie. I shook my head at her generosity. She really was an angel. While I, selfish jerk that I was, couldn't stop glaring at Rosalie.
"Let her make amends," Esme begged me. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."
"Please, Edward," Bella urged me.
I sighed and, attempting to be more like Bella and less the monster I knew myself to be, I pulled my sweet Bella over to the waiting car. We got into the back seat while Rose and Emmett took the front. Bella, giving in to her exhaustion at last, laid her head on my chest and closed her eyes.
"Edward," Rosalie began, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I never believed that you would… I didn't understand –
"I know," I cut her off. Although I was trying to come to terms with my own selfishness, Rosalie had always been the center of her own world. And the fact was that she didn't understand - even now - how I truly felt about Bella.
"Bella?" Rose spoke to the girl in my arms for the first time.
"Yes, Rosalie?" Bella said to her, her voice surprised even in her current state.
"I'm so very, very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me." I felt slightly more charitable toward her after that. I felt the sincerity in her speech and knew she would be less difficult to live with… for a while, at least.
"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."
"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett said, laughing.
Bella muttered something back, but the angel in my arms was past the point of coherence. She had nearly drowned five days ago, been through hell and back, and hadn't slept in at least three days. She'd used up all of her stores of energy and I knew once she slept she'd be out for a long time. I wondered if she would still talk in her sleep, if her dreams would be the nightmares she feared, or if she would dream of me – and if she did, would that count as a nightmare? I wasn't sure.
"Let her sleep," I said softly.
The drive from Seattle to Forks was quick with Emmett behind the wheel and it was far too short for her nap to do her any good. With Bella still asleep in my arms, I opened the car door and carried her up to Charlie's house.
Charlie heard the closing car door and opened his front door, shocked beyond words – for the moment – to see me striding up his walk with his daughter passed out in my arms. Overcoming his shock, the fury that burst forth from him stopped me in my tracks. If I hadn't been holding his daughter, he might have come after me with his shotgun. Not that it would have hurt me, but that would have been difficult to explain.
"Bella!" he yelled, launching himself off of the porch at us.
Bella muttered in her sleep, seeming aware of Charlie even as tired as she was.
"Shh," I whispered to her, not wanting her to wake. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."
"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here!" Charlie was screaming at me. The pictures in his mind of Bella were far worse than Alice's visions. Alice had only caught glimpses of Bella since she had tried not to watch her. Charlie had had to live with Bella's grief. I heard an echo of her screaming in her sleep and would have clamped my hands to my ears to stop the sound if I hadn't been holding Bella – as if that would have done any good.
"What's wrong with her?" he demanded.
Speaking quietly, I said, "She's just very tired, Charlie. Please, let her rest."
"Don't you tell me what to do! Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"
I saw him flickering through his memories of the past seven months since I left. The blank stare in Bella's eyes, how Charlie would talk to her, but she never responded in more than single syllable monotones if at all. Bella's body was there, cooking, going to school, going to work, but her spirit was gone. Broken. The knowledge almost broke me and I didn't resist as he tried to pull her from my arms.
Bella's hands tightened convulsively around me and she pushed herself into my arms, refusing to leave my embrace. He pulled on her, trying – unsuccessfully – to break her hold on me.
"Cut it out, Dad," she grumbled, opening her eyes to glare at Charlie. "Be mad at me."
"You bet I will be. Get inside," he fumed, never taking his glare off of me, his thoughts a murderous rage as intense as any I had ever felt and far more justified.
"'Kay. Let me down," she said to me.
I carefully set her on her feet, my hands spread protectively as I could see how unsteady she was. She only took a few steps before stumbling and would have fallen on her face, but I moved – too fast – to catch her.
"Just let me get her upstairs," I begged Charlie. "Then I'll leave."
"No!" Bella cried, meeting my eyes in a panic, her head shaking, her body trembling in my arms.
"I won't be far," I whispered in her ear and carried her upstairs. I could see how abnormally clean her room looked. Her CD player was gone. There were no books stacked by her bed. Her shoes were in a neat row, her hamper was practically empty. It didn't feel like the room of a teenage girl at all; more like a guest room that had been empty for years. My heart cried out to me at the pain I knew I had caused her.
I had heard Charlie grinding his teeth at me the whole way up the stairs and he hovered protectively as I placed Bella in her bed. Her fingers still gripped my shirt as though welded to the fabric. Carefully, I slipped my fingers between the fabric and her soft skin, sliding my hand into hers when she finally let go. Placing her hands across her chest and covering her with her blanket, I traced her cheek once more with trembling fingers, grieving again at the pain I had caused. I could see her face settle into the lines of pain that her waking expression had tried to hide from me and fell to my knees at her side.
Charlie grabbed my shoulder roughly, his anger making his speech nearly incoherent. "You. Get. Now. Out. Go." The only reason he wasn't yelling was the sleeping girl on the bed in front of me. Only the knowledge that I would be climbing back through her window soon gave me the strength to rise to my feet. He pushed me out of the room, my eyes never leaving her until he closed the door, cutting off my view of her face.
I was aware that I was breathing fast, swallowing convulsively, my lips trembling, sure that if my eyes could shed tears I would be crying. He continued to propel me forward – my unwilling feet didn't want to take me away from her – until I stood on the porch. Gaining a hold on myself, I turned to face him. He was glaring at me from the doorway, his thoughts a red haze of anger.
"Do you have any idea what I've been going through for the past three days? My daughter runs off with your sister, doesn't leave a note, no phone call, nothing! And all Jacob could tell me was that she was in trouble. You'd better tell me now. What kind of trouble have you gotten her into?"
"There is no trouble. She's home now, and safe. You don't need to worry." I spoke calmly, trying to reassure him.
He took a step toward me. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't arrest you for kidnapping!"
"She came to me, Charlie, and I brought her home. How is that kidnapping?"
Not pleased with my resonable answer, he demanded, "Why did she run off like that, then?"
"It was just… she… I…" I trailed off, lamely. I shook my head and sighed.
"Where has Bella been? And do you know what you did to her? When you left – I've never – " he broke off, his rage at me evident in his voice. "How dare you come back here now?" he fumed. His arms were folded, his anger making him tremble.
In the forest beside his house, I could hear the thoughts of a prowling wolf. Jacob. They echoed Charlie's anger at me, but something more. A jealousy, a stinging memory of rejection, and a fierce relief at having Bella back alive. I heard his low growl as he paced, just out of Charlie's sight.
Ignoring the wolf for the moment, I tried to think of an answer to Charlie's questions. I couldn't tell him where Bella had been, nor why she had left. Unable to think of an excuse for Bella's three day long absence, I picked the only question I really could answer.
"Yes, Chief Swan. I do know what I did. Only too well."
"And? What do you have to say for yourself?"
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I knew that Alice was right. One way or another, I would have left eventually. I had been trying to find a way to leave her from the first day we met. But the past seven months had completely changed everything. Bella's death had changed everything. I had learned exactly how much I needed her and that I would do anything to keep her. Anything.
Slowly, I spoke, my words halting and broken, "Please, believe me. It wasn't an easy choice to make. Leaving her was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life… And the worst. But, at the time… it was necessary. I'm sorry, but – "
"Sorry," he scoffed, furious.
"More sorry than you can know," I assured him.
He studied my face, saw the misery that was etched there as clearly as Bella's had been. Trying to understand my actions, he asked, "Why was it necessary, then? Why did you leave her like that?"
"I can't tell you that." I shook my head.
"Then why are you even here?" he shouted. "If it was so necessary to leave, why come back at all?"
I looked him in the eyes, felt his moment of fear at the blackness of my gaze. Like most humans, he'd never really looked me in the eyes before, except when we'd first met, and I had been well fed at that time.
"The reason I'm here, Charlie," I said carefully, trying to put every ounce of persuasiveness I had into my heartfelt words, "is that I cannot live without your daughter."
At this, he narrowed his eyes at me, disbelieving me despite my efforts. He took a step back into his house. "Well, I guess it's a good thing you've had practice doing so because you are not welcome here. You are never to set foot through this door again." He pressed his lips together in an angry line and slammed the door in my face. I heard him running up the stairs and going quietly into Bella's room.
Glancing at the forest to where the wolf prowled, I felt his satisfaction at Charlie's words. Scowling, I flashed to the waiting car.
"That went well," said Emmett, his humor unshaken.
Growling at him, I said, "Go home. Tell the others that I'll be there soon."
Nodding, he started the car, Rosalie thinking a parting, Sorry, at me as he drove away.
I could hear Jacob's thoughts. Angry that my family was back in town and seemed to be planning to stay, he knew that he was in our territory and melted away into the forest, back to the reservation.
Once he was gone, I took his place in the forest to wait for Charlie to leave Bella's room long enough for me to return. I climbed up into the trees to where I could see the small window I had thought of so often and sat with my back resting against the tree so I could think.
Alice's vision of Bella's future was so firm. I knew with absolute certainty that I would never be able to live without her again, but my revulsion over what her becoming a vampire meant had not changed. I knew that the only thing that had changed was my need for her. It was stronger than ever before, but in a different way. Examining my feelings, I knew why this was. She would never again be in danger of me feeding on her. There was nothing that could ever compare with her taste, but the never-ending pain of her loss was not worth the brief moment of pleasure that drinking her would bring.
I looked the monster within me in his crimson eyes and felt a scorching fire burning under my skin. I knew that it was his burning death that I felt, and I rejoiced.
