Vote

Knowing that arguing with her at this point was futile, I scooped her into my arms and sprang from the window.

"Alright, then, up you go," I said, shifting her to my back so that I could run with her. Always before, running had terrified her. Now, her heart beat slow and steady, and her chin rested easily on my shoulder. While I ran home, I felt her press her warm, soft lips against my neck. I sighed in pleasure at her simple touch.

"Thank you. Does this mean you've decided you're awake?" I teased her. She laughed in my ear.

"Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow. If it's my final act," I vowed to myself. Someday, some way, she would trust me again.

She surprised me again by saying, "I trust you. It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please," I begged, confused. She wasn't the one who had left. She was absolutely trustworthy. She'd kept my secret in the beginning, even before she knew what the secret was. She'd kept it all this time, believing me gone. How could she not trust herself?

I slowed down to give her time to answer. We were getting close and I wanted her answer before my family could hear her.

"Well – " she paused, and while she considered her words, I waited impatiently, wishing I could see her face to try to read what she was thinking. "I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

Astonished, I came to a halt and pulled her into my arms. Holding her tight against my chest, I realized that as I felt unworthy of her, she felt unworthy of me. How that was possible, I didn't know, but I didn't dismiss her feelings, understanding them all too well.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I assured her. "Never doubt that."

She didn't comment and I could feel that she still didn't believe. Remembering that our conversation hadn't been finished when she decided to speak to my family, I had to satisfy my curiosity about one thing, at least.

"You never did tell me…"

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess," and she touched my nose with her finger.

I nodded, understanding. I'd been wrong before. She thought the vampire who was in love with her was her biggest problem. She was right. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that."

She rolled her eyes at me. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." I waited for her to say the words, to tell me how awful I was. In what other way she feared I would harm her. "You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

I should have seen that coming. She had told me so before. The day we had spent in our meadow, she had tried to tell me, but as blind and selfish as I was, I didn't understand her love for me then. "I'm here," she'd told me, "which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." Would I never learn?

"Don't," she whispered, reaching up to lay her warm hand on my cheek. "Don't be sad."

I gave her a half smile. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the only way to convince you," I said, my voice barely a whisper, feeling my anguish at hurting her in my eyes.

"Okay," she said, smiling at me. "So – since you're staying, can I have my stuff back?"

Still miserable, I couldn't help but to laugh at her teasing tone. "Your things were never gone. I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards," I said, remembering how pleased it had made me to feel like I was still watching over her.

"Really?" her eyes lit up. I nodded, glad to make her happy.

"I think, I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time." Her words were slow, like she was talking through a tough problem.

"What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

Voices. She was hearing voices. I knew it; she was crazy. I had known it the day I saved her from the human men in Port Angeles. When she told me it didn't matter to her what I was, I had considered having her committed, certain the reason why I couldn't hear her, the reason why she was content to sit calmly beside a monster, was because she was insane. Now she admitted to hearing voices?

"Voices?"

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story," she said, suddenly looking embarrassed and as though she wished she hadn't said anything.

"I've got time," I said, needing her to explain.

"It's pretty pathetic." I said nothing, waiting for her to tell me exactly what was wrong with her. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off a cliff for fun." I saw again the image of her despairing face, followed by her exhilarated expression as she flung herself over the edge of the enormous cliff. I held myself still, fearing what she would say. How else had I harmed her? Had my leaving finally driven her over a different kind of edge?

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle – "

"Motorcycle?" I could not picture my Bella on a motorcycle, her clumsy tendencies would surely have sent her skidding into trucks, or over the edge of the mountains. An image of Bella in bandages, smiling. Alice had seen this, too!

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No." My voice was flat, holding my fear in.

"Well, about that…" her voice was reluctant, her speech slow and halting. "See, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt."

Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?

I was speechless.

"And well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me." Her expression was astonished, but it could have been nothing compared to mine.

She was – purposely – doing stupid and dangerous things, intentionally risking her life because she missed me so terribly that it was the only way to be close to me? Was her need for me so great, but she had pushed her hurt down so far, that she couldn't even consciously think of me? As though her life wasn't in enough danger, as though fate didn't stalk her every step with one disaster after another, she had to go seek out ways to put herself at risk, for the simple pleasure of hearing my anger?

"You… were… risking your life… to hear – " my voice was choked, I could barely speak, the words, the concept was so irrational, so ridiculous, so… so Bella.

She loved me so much that, not only did she prefer death to being without me, she actively sought it out! I was right, she was insane. More certain than ever that she had meant to fling herself to her death, no matter how she protested otherwise, I wondered if I would ever be able to let her out of my sight again. I'd have to keep a twenty-four hour guard on her at all times in order to run to a nearby park to hunt!

"Shh," she said, thinking hard. "Hold on a second. I'm having an epiphany here."

I was staring at her, open mouthed. Even if she hadn't stopped me, I wouldn't have been able to continue.

"Oh!"

"Bella?" I was worried now, more than ever.

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" I persisted.

She looked me in the eyes, her face full of wonder and understanding. "You love me."

Unable to stop myself from grinning at her, I assured her. "Truly, I do."

I could see it in her eyes. She believed me. She finally believed me! In a way that she never had before, no matter how often I had told her before, no matter how often I showed her that I loved her, she had never really believed. She had thought herself somehow unworthy. My most perfect angel truly believed herself to be plain, boring, not good enough to be with a monster. Whatever it was that she saw in me, she saw herself as inferior and doubted that she was loveable. But I could see it in her eyes, in the look of wonder on her face. She knew it as surely as I did: I loved her. She was my entire world. I needed her, cherished her, wanted her, loved her and she was the only woman I ever would want.

And she knew it at last.

She was crazy, crazy about me, but that was okay, because I shared her insanity. It was crazy for a vampire to be in love with a human, and I loved her more than I would ever be able to say. Words didn't exist that could express my love for her, so I told her in the only way I knew how.

Holding her face in my hands, I kissed her with a fierce joy and relief. I felt again the certainty, she was mine – mine! – and I was hers and we were all that mattered. Her arms wound around me, her hands in my hair, and her body pressed against me as I pressed my lips to hers over and over. I felt her heart pounding against my chest, could taste her panting breaths as she kissed me, her mouth hungry on mine. For far too long I had missed her. All the long months of our separation, I had wished without end that I could hold her again, touch her face, smell her breath, her hair. She had consumed my thoughts every second I had been away and now, at long last, she was in my arms, kissing me as I kissed her, believing in my love as I believed in hers.

Eventually, I released her lips – I might not need to breathe, but she did – and pressed my forehead against hers, panting as though my lungs needed air, too. My body was singing, my skin tingled wherever she had touched me – I knew every place exactly – my lips and hands warmed from the heat of her love.

I thought it time for another confession. Now that she knew I loved her – knew it and believed it – I wanted her to know how wonderful she was. I didn't want her to think herself inferior to me in any way. She was perfection, an angel in human form, goodness and beauty personified, and she needed to know it.

"You were better at it than I was, you know."

"Better at what?" she asked, her breath still gasping.

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too." I grinned at her.

"I only heard one voice," she said, her eyes twinkling.

I laughed at her and hugged her body tight against mine as we started walking again.

"I'm only humoring you with this. It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say." There was no way I was going to allow my angel to die, to end her life, to damage her soul by becoming a monster. I couldn't stop her from loving one, but I'd do everything in my power to prevent her from being one.

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged. It didn't matter. I had learned that, as much as I loved my family – which was a whole hell of a lot – I loved her more. My family I could survive without. Bella, I could not.

When we were inside my house, I could see that my family had been busy. The furniture was uncovered, the house cleaned from after our long months away. They had moved back in, as though they had never left. I was home again, at last, with my angel in my arms and I sighed happily before I called for my family to join us.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I had heard them waiting for me just out of sight and before Bella could blink, Carlisle was standing beside her. I could feel the gratitude and love he felt for her emanating from him. She had brought me back home.

Welcome home, Edward. We're all so glad you are here. Both of you. I smiled at him. It felt so good to smile again and I sighed once more with pleasure.

He was smiling at her. "Welcome back, Bella. What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not purely a social visit?"

She nodded to him. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

Alice told us about everything that happened while you were in Italy. I'm sure you understand why I left them. It's unfortunate that Aro's obsessions have put us in danger, but if they had not, I would have lost my son. Alice is right; you two cannot continue to be together unless you are equals. She is your mate, Edward. You know what that means.

No longer smiling, I didn't answer him. We couldn't be equals. Angels and demons were not equal. I could never be an angel and I refused to make of her a demon. We would just have to find a way to make things work as they were. Bella was strong, stronger than I gave her credit for and our love was stronger still. It would see us through.

"Of course," Carlisle answered her. "Why don't we talk in the other room?" He led the way into the dining room and I saw that they had replaced the table I had broken. I heard Esme relating her pleasure in picking out the new furniture, trying to make me feel better for having done so much damage. She loved decorating the house and was pleased with her new purchase. She'd made a good choice.

The rectangular mahogany table from before had been replaced with a long, oval, dark cherry masterpiece. It had gold worked in a leafy design around the edges, the wood laid in such a way that the grains radiated outward from the center. It looked almost like a flower in the process of blooming and the gold caught the light from the chandelier above, making the table shine.

You should get angry more often, Esme thought with a laugh. Next time you feel like destroying some furniture, Edward, I'd love an excuse to replace the end tables in the livingroom.

I shot her a dark look, not amused.

Carlisle held a seat out for Bella and took the one on her right while I sat on her left. My family filed into the room, sitting together at the new table. Alice was grinning at Bella, but kept up a running recitation of countries and capitals to hide what she knew. Rosalie was still chagrinned at her part in what had nearly been the end of the world and gave Bella a tentative smile, which she returned.

Jasper was barely breathing, still angry with me, but also feeling ashamed at having so nearly killed Bella. He was sampling our emotions with surprise. I thought your love for each other was strong before. Well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Please, don't ever leave her again, though. I don't think I could take it if you two were any more in love than you are now. If you start spouting sonnets at her, I might start breaking some furniture of my own.

I scowled at him while he smirked at me. I took Bella's hand in mine under the table as Carlisle told Bella, "The floor is yours." I heard her swallow nervously. She hated being the center of attention, but she was the one who asked for this meeting.

"Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?" she started by asking.

"Everything," Alice said, smugly.

"And on the way?" Bella looked at her sharply.

On the way? This was what Alice was trying to hide from me and I glared at her, trying to worm past her defenses.

"That, too," Alice confirmed.

"Good," Bella sighed. "Then we're all on the same page." She paused for a moment while my family watched her and I watched them. None of them were letting me see what Alice had said. I gritted my teeth. This couldn't be good, despite what Bella said.

"So, I have a problem," she explained. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid. And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that."

Of course, my Bella was taking the blame for the Volturi upon herself. I was the one who went to them. I was the one who showed Aro what Alice could do, what I could do, and I was the reason he was going to come after us, to acquire the present and future he so wanted. Yet Bella felt that she was to blame.

"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

WHAT? I saw suddenly what Alice had promised her.

"I really wish you could have been right about me. In the beginning, when you first saw things about me, before we even met…" Bella had said to Alice during their flight to save my life.

"What do you mean?"

"You saw me become one of you."

"It was a possibility at the time," Alice had said with a sigh.

"At the time," Bella had repeated, her mouth an unhappy grimace, the crease between her eyebrows deep, evidence of her sorrow.

"Actually, Bella… Honestly, I think it's all gotten beyond ridiculous. I'm debating whether to just change you myself."

Bella had stared at her, open mouthed, her eyes wide.

"Did I scare you?" Alice asked. "I thought that's what you wanted."

"I do! Oh, Alice, do it now! I could help you so much – and I wouldn't slow you down. Bite me!"

As they were on a plane full of people at the time and transformation from human to vampire would take days – days of screaming in agony, of feeling her body burning as each cell changed from living human to living stone, as the venom worked its way through her veins and into every organ, every bone, days of feeling herself die slowly, but without the release true death would bring – Alice had refused her request. During the transformation process, Bella would be writhing, screaming in pain, incapable of conscious movement. If Alice had changed her at the time, she would not have been able to save me. But Alice had promised her that if we all made it out of Volterra alive, that she would change her, then.

And here we all were, alive. And Bella was planning on asking her to make good on her promise.

NO! I thought. No, no this can't be happening! Furiously, I tried to think of a way out of the future I could so clearly see happening. My Bella – who loved me, who finally believed I loved her, who incredibly still wanted me – my Bella, becoming a killer.

Esme opened her mouth to assure Bella that she was very much wanted, but Bella held up a finger to stop her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then… I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here." She finished with a frown.

I felt myself growling. As if I'd let her go back to those monsters. Aro probably would be willing to change her, if only because he knew that I'd come to get her, and he'd get both of us. Caius and Aro would both get what they wanted, and Bella would feast on the next tour group, which would be arranged in her honor.

I felt awful for yet another reason. What would it take to convince her that she was wanted? She still saw herself as inferior, as unlovable, no matter how often I told her how special she was, she refused to see.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

I saw her mouth twist into a half-smile as she said the last word. She gestured at Carlisle, but I interrupted. I had to fight for her soul, for her life, and I refused to believe that my family would do this to me, to her. I knew – as I had pointed out when convincing them all to leave – that they all missed their human lives. I knew that she would regret turning into a monster, but by then it would be too late.

"Just a minute," I growled. She glared at me, but I squeezed her hand, silently begging her to let me have my say. "I have something to add before we vote." She sighed in resignation, knowing I would be arguing against the transformation.

"About the danger Bella's referring to. I don't think we need to be overly anxious. You see," I explained, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." Grinning, I recalled how easily I had been able to read Aro's mind. He had been shocked at his inability to read Bella, but even more so, shocked that Jane had been unable to hurt her. My and Aro's talents were so similar that it made a kind of sense to him that neither of us could read her. But Jane's talent was pain. He couldn't understand why Bella had been immune to her. I, on the other hand, was starting to understand.

"Which was?" Alice prompted me. She had hated her lack of knowledge about the Volturi and I had little doubt that she would be quizzing Carlisle for every detail about them that he could remember for some time to come. Had, in fact, already started.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I asked, glancing at Bella. She shuddered at the memory. I doubted she'd ever forget the trip through hell, or any of the demons she had met there.

"He finds people," I continued. "That's his talent, why they keep him. Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was." And far more successful than my pathetic attempts. "His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor? I don't know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances."

There was no place on Earth that a person could hide from him, but I had heard him attempting to sample Bella's mind. I'd heard him trying and failing to find her, even in the small room with her standing directly in front of him.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged, grateful that, once more, my Bella was the exception to every rule. I smirked in satisfaction.

"You think he won't be able to find me," she said, her anger apparent in her voice.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?" she asked, not understanding.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless," and I could just picture the perfect place to hide her. A nice little house on the beach… I grinned with fierce pleasure, remembering all the times I had imagined her on the beach while I was away. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" There was absolutely no way he'd be able to find a single invisible human among the billions currently living on Earth.

Emmett's delight in this plan was evident in his mind, and I glanced at him. He pictured for me Jane punishing Demetri for failing and we smirked at each other. Since he had acquired Jane and Alec's services, Aro's coven had become unstoppable, and they had already been powerful before. Emmett loved the idea of that most powerful of covens being bested by a bunch of squirrel eating vegetarians. I could have laughed.

"But they can find you," Bella protested.

"And I can take care of myself," I told her with confidence. I knew each one of their minds and would hear them coming long before they could catch me. Emmett laughed his huge bear laugh and reached over to bump his fist with mine.

...and with me at your back, I'd like to see them catch us! I smacked his fist with enthusiasm. I had known allowing him to help rip Victoria to shreds would help make things right with him, but kicking some Volturi butt was even better as far as he was concerned.

"No," Rosalie hissed at me. Just because I'm glad your girlfriend saved your stupid life does not mean I'm letting my Emmett risk his life for hers!

The look on Bella's face was one of furious disbelief. "Absolutely not."

"Nice," Jasper said, agreeing with my assessment of their overconfidence, as well as their weaknesses. Relying on one skill alone makes them vulnerable to occurrences when that skill does not work, as now.

"Idiots," Alice said. She did not appreciate our enthusiasm for a good fight. Stupid egotistical males!

I just got one son back, and now you want to take the rest of them on a vampire hunting trip? Absolutely not is right! Esme was too outraged to speak, glaring at me and letting her venomous thoughts flow fast and furious.

Taking control of the meeting with my family back, Bella said firmly, "All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote." She turned to me, her chocolate eyes boring into mine. She had accused me of dazzling her so often, but I could feel her using her new knowledge of my love for her against me. Her eyes were powerful windows into her amazingly strong soul as she demanded of me, "Do you want me to join your family?"

Trying to resist her gaze – which was harder still because I did want her for eternity. Selfishly, I wanted her for me, to hold her in my arms forever – I lied and said, "Not that way. You're staying human."

She nodded, knowing ahead of time that would be my answer.

"Alice?" she turned to my pixie faced sister, whose visions of the future were firm in her mind as she answered.

"Yes." Absolutely!

"Jasper?"

"Yes." It would be nice to not want to kill your girlfriend all the time.

"Rosalie?"

Rose wavered, hesitating. She knew how angry I still was at her and was full of remorse at nearly causing my death. We did love each other. She pictured for me the times we'd spent together before Bella had come into my life. Tuning cars, racing, how I'd helped build her and Emmett their own house. But above all of this was her discontent at her life. Her misery at her childlessness. It was this that had her answering, "No."

As Bella turned to Esme, her face expressionless, Rose held up her hands.

"Let me explain," Rose begged. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

I could see the surprise on Bella's face as she nodded, appreciating Rose's explanation. Carlisle's remorse at his daughter's pain was evident in his thoughts. He'd thought he was helping her when he changed her. He'd hoped she would be happy, the way Esme was happy.

"Emmett?"

"Hell yes!" Emmett loved the idea of Bella as his sister. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." With Bella at your side, we can take them all down! Our family of eight could beat their coven of five with our hands tied behind our backs! I glared at him, furious. Overconfidence was the Volturi's weakness, too.

Bella turned to look at Esme who answered before Bella could even ask.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family." Edward, there really is no other way.

"Thank you, Esme," she said, sounding surprised. She didn't realize, still, how much my family loved her.

When she turned to Carlisle, he was staring at me, while I glared back at him.

She's your mate, Edward. I knew when you first told me you were in love with her that you couldn't live without her. "Edward," he said aloud. I'll change her myself if she asks me to. I'll bite her right now.

"No," I growled at him.

I will not lose you again. You didn't see what your absence did to our family. We aren't whole without you and you aren't whole without her. "It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I pushed myself away from the table and stalked out of the room, livid. How can they do this to me? They know what this will mean! They don't want to be killers any more than I do! It's the whole reason why we are vegetarians! Yet they are more than happy to kill her! To turn her into a killer, too!

I picked up the end table I was stalking past and hurled it across the room where it smashed through Carlisle's enormous flat screen television and through the wall, breaking into pieces in the next room. The TV fell to the floor with an ear splitting crash.

Breathing quickly, holding myself perfectly still to avoid tearing the entire house apart, piece by piece, I stood in the middle of the livingroom and tried to come to terms with the inevitable. Alice's visions of the future were firm and clear. She held the picture of Bella and I in her mind. Our hands were entwined, both cold, white, and dead, and Bella's eyes were a vivid red.

My memories of a few months ago flashed through my mind. Clearly, I could see Maria's coven members recalling their kills. I could see the child as he was stolen out of his bed, a look of terror on his face just before he died. I remembered Claire's delight in murdering men. She'd stalked them, searching for those who reminded her of men she'd known in life. She'd let them believe her vulnerable, helpless… until she got them alone. The damage she'd inflict upon their bodies made her bites impossible to detect.

Maria's taunting images of Jasper killing thousands of humans were sharp and intense, mixed with the image of his face while he did so. Jasper was able to feel everything his prey felt as he'd fed on them. Not only that, but he felt everything the vampires he'd trained had felt when he betrayed them, ripping them apart and turning them into ash. It was his empathy for the humans he'd killed and the pain that being a murderer had caused him, that had forced him to leave Maria and embrace our way of life, no matter how difficult he found it still.

I could remember Joaquim's revulsion as he fed on the human Rafael had left for him, and as he stalked and killed the tourists, knowing that his own daughter had died in the same way.

But worse than all of these images were my own memories. My face in the minds of my victims was the last thing they had seen. A monster with red eyes and flashing teeth, had been the image I'd seen again and again. I could taste the men I'd murdered, could feel their hot blood running down my throat, quenching the burning thirst I felt at last, the rich, thick flow so much more satisfying than animal blood. Like Jasper could feel his victim's terror, I could hear mine. My inner monster dead, I was now in control of myself completely. If I reverted to killing humans, it would be my doing, and not my nature taking over. I couldn't fool myself though; the decision had been mine then, too. Even now, as the thought passed through my mind, I felt the burn, the yearning in my throat, the ache in my stomach, my hunger an echo of my thirst.

And worse still, worse than any other image could compare, a picture of Bella, dead bodies at her feet, their corpses mangled as she'd been unable to prevent herself from destroying them while she satisfied her uncontrollable newborn cravings. I could see it all too clearly - her red eyes, her hands bloodied, her lips stained crimson as a trickle of blood ran down from her mouth.

"That's all I needed," Bella said, her voice thick with emotion. "Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you."

"Dearest, Bella," Esme said. ...another daughter!

"Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

At those words, I felt within Alice two conflicting emotions. The first was fear. She was afraid of killing her best friend. After everything they had just gone through to save me only days ago, she was sure she would be unable to stop if she bit her now, because the second emotion she felt was elation. Bella just smelled so good. Alice could taste her venom flowing and I felt an echo of the thirst in her mind at her thought of giving in and drinking the human who smelled better to all of them than nearly every other human they'd ever met.

Sprinting back into the dining room, I was screaming at them all, "No! No! NO!" Getting right into her face, I shouted at Bella in a way I never had before. "Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?" My voice was loud enough to hurt her and she put her hands over her ears, cringing away from me for the first time with fear in her eyes.

"Um, Bella…" Alice's fear was apparent in her voice and her thoughts. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare…"

"You promised," Bella insisted, ignoring me.

"I know, but… Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to not kill you."

I could see that. Her thirst was so strong at that moment, with the delicious smelling human girl practically begging her to bite her, Alice was holding herself completely still. In her mind, the image of Bella with crimson eyes wavered to be replaced with one of her dead in Alice's arms, Alice's eyes now the bright red ones, glowing with Bella's blood.

"You can do it," Bella insisted. "I trust you."

I felt a furious growl in my chest as I warned Alice off. She was shaking her head, trying to bring Bella's vampire future back into focus.

"Carlisle?" Bella turned to my father. If my sister could not do it, he definitely could. He had turned the four of us; turning Bella would certainly be within his ability.

Trying not to break her jaw, I grabbed her face in my hands, forcing her eyes to meet mine, needing their deep brown to stay brown, not wanting to picture them the vivid red that was once more in Alice's mind. I held a hand out to Carlisle, warning him to keep away.

He ignored me, as they all did. I may as well have been a ghost for all the good I was doing.

"I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good," she mumbled around my grip.

Alice's thoughts were calm again, now that she wasn't afraid of killing Bella. This is going to happen, Edward. You know it. We all know it. I've known it since the day you saved her life from the van. The only question has ever been when. Accept her future, stop fighting it. You'll both be happier.

Carlisle's thoughts were along the same line. Son, we will be able to help Bella. You can protect her from her nature, from becoming the killer you fear. With Alice to watch her future, Jasper to read her emotions, and you to look for any humans nearby, we can keep her humanity safe. Bella is your mate. The sooner you accept that, the happier you both will be.

Growling at them, I tried once again to delay the future I feared so badly. "Hold on. It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," she said, her words still distorted by my hand on her face.

"I can think of a few," I said desperately.

"Of course you can. Now let go of me," she said, angry.

Trying once again not to destroy yet more furniture, I folded my arms across my chest and held my body rigid as I tried to reason with her.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them," she said with a frown.

Glaring at Carlisle, I spoke through gritted teeth, "In the interest of remaining inconspicuous, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request," Carlisle said to my relief.

Bella's mouth showed her pain at hurting her father. Then, she said, "I'll consider it."

Relieved beyond words that she was no longer insisting on ending her life that very moment, I said, "I should probably take you home, just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Bella glanced at Carlisle and begged for confirmation, "After graduation?"

"You have my word."

Her smile was broad, victorious. She turned to me and said, "Okay. You can take me home."

Through Jasper's mind, I could feel that she was practically radiating joy. I could see it in her face, her body. Grabbing her hand, I dragged her out of the house before anyone could say another word and took off back to her home.

No. This can't be happening. No matter that Carlisle insists we will be able to protect her. Even if she does get past her newborn years without killing, as I did, eventually she will give in! Even if not on purpose… Emmett and Esme, they've made mistakes, and Bella will, too!

The thought of her killing was repugnant to me. It went against nature. From the very start, I had wanted to protect Bella… until I had wanted to kill her, that is. The first day she came to school and I heard the thoughts of all of the petty humans around her, I had wanted to warn her. Jessica was no good friend to have. Her mind was vicious and jealous. Mike was not the innocent puppy he pretended to be. What he wanted of her was not much better than the human monster had, just with her consent. Every human boy in the school that first day had had thoughts similar to Mike's, and every girl – with the exception of Angela – had had thoughts similar to Jessica's.

I had tried everything in my power to protect her from me. I had pushed her away in the beginning, I had fought down the monster as we fell in love, I had left! Now, my family had conspired against me. They were going to make her a vampire no matter what I did. It was her fate and I was a fool for trying to fight it. Alice was always right. Bella was going to be a vampire. My father had agreed to turn her in a few short months!

We were back at Bella's house now, and I scaled her wall as easily as ever, depositing her on her bed while I paced her small room.

Bella was so young! She had not even begun to live her life. There was so much about being a human that she had not had the chance to experience.

My mate, Carlisle had called her. While she might be that in my heart, she was not that in reality. But she could be. She loved me. Even after all that I had done to her, she loved me and wanted to be with me. Wanted to be with me so badly, in fact, that she had convinced my father to turn her into a monster. She knew I loved her, knew it, and believed it at last.

Looking within myself, I came to terms with the truth of what Alice had said. I wanted her forever. I did want the future she was rushing toward: eternity in the arms of my angel. I wanted it desperately, even stronger now than I had wanted it seven months ago. Terrified as I was that turning her into a vampire would change her, that killing would kill her soul, I wanted what it would mean to me. I wanted her as a man wants a woman.

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," she told me, sourly. She'd won her victory, now she could see me trying to figure out a way to get out of the future we both knew was inevitable.

"Shh. I'm thinking." I needed to try to look beyond what this would mean in the short term, to what it would mean in the long term. Charlie, Renée, her human friends, her wolf friends – there were repercussions that she didn't even know about – her life after school, college, a career, a family… Being a vampire changed everything.

"Ugh," she said, flinging herself back onto the bed and pulling her quilt over her face.

That was absolutely unacceptable! I flashed over to her bed, lay my body next to hers, and pulled the cover off of her so that I could see her beautiful face. Tenderly, I brushed my fingers across her cheek, moving aside the hair that obstructed my view of her perfection.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand." Truer words had never been spoken.

She was determined to be a vampire and there was nothing I could do about it. She'd been willing to wait until graduation, maybe she would be willing to wait until she'd lived just a little bit more. High school, after all, was far from the best part of being a human. She should see what she was giving up before her human life was over.

"Now… tell me something."

"What?" she asked, suspicious.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You." Ah the pleasure that simple word brought me, but it wasn't what I needed right then. I was hers. I had been hers completely from the moment our eyes met across a crowded high school cafeteria.

Shaking my head, I clarified, "Something you don't already have."

"I would want… Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me." Her answers always surprised me. Why would that make a difference to her? I could almost believe she was a demon, sent to complete my damnation even further. What sin could be worse than stealing her life myself? But she was far too pure to be anything other than an angel. And if she was willing to stay human, to live and experience her life for just a bit longer, there was nothing I would deny her. Even that.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

"Anything."

She wanted death at my hands – or teeth. I wanted time.

"Five years?" Her face took on a look of horror. "You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but… you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human – for me, at least. So, anything but that."

"Three years?" I begged her.

"No!" Still so stubborn.

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

She eyed me. "Six months?"

Ugh. There was so much I wanted for her. Six months wouldn't do! It wouldn't even see her through one semester of college!

"Not good enough."

"One year then," she compromised. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

I remembered both of our worries about how the other would feel when I looked like her son. So she wanted to be with me while, according to appearances, we were still the same age. Despite the fact that I was nearly a hundred when she'd been born.

What she wanted more than anything in the world was me, she'd said. As it happened, I had the same want. Her, as my mate. Well, if we were going to be mates, I wanted to do it properly. Completely. I wanted to make her mine in every way.

"All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one – then you'll just have to meet one condition." I could feel my excitement at the thought.

"Condition? What condition?" her voice didn't give away any emotion, but her eyes were wary. I could feel my eyes filling with all of the love I had for her, all of the love I'd been denying for months. Staring at her hard, willing her to say what I needed to hear, I asked for her to give me something I never thought I'd be able to ask for. Something I thought I'd never be able to be.

"Marry me, first."

She stared at me blankly. I could feel my eyes pleading with her. Say yes.

"Okay. What's the punch line?"

Ouch. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious." At least that wasn't a no.

"I am one hundred percent serious," I assured her, still begging her with my eyes.

"Oh, c'mon. I'm only eighteen." Her voice had a high pitched edge of fear. Eternity as a vampire she didn't fear, but being married she does.

"Well," I said, trying to keep my tone light, "I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

She looked away from me, fear in her face, now.

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renée and Charlie." Still not a no.

"Interesting choice of words," I said, my mouth twisting.

"You know what I mean."

Hmm. Do I? How I wish just once that I could hear inside her convoluted brain! I took a deep breath, trying to contain my impatience. Most couples married with a vow of 'till death do we part'. As a vampire, that wasn't an option. Forever as my wife – the word sent a shiver of joy through me – truly meant forever.

"Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment." She could commit to an eternity of suffering and torment, why not to one of joy and bliss?

"That's not it exactly." She hesitated. "I'm… afraid of Renée. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

But Bella didn't want to turn thirty. Why wouldn't she agree? I had the feeling she was searching for excuses the way she had when trying to get out of her birthday party, and was not telling me the real reasons.

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married," I said with a dark laugh.

"You think you're joking."

Far from it! "Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I shook my head at her, confused. She hasn't said no… Why won't she say yes?! I was certain she loved me. As certain of her love as she was of mine. Why else did she want to be a vampire if not to spend eternity with me? Shouldn't she do so as, not just my mate, but my wife? "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then – "

"Well, what if I did?" she cut me off. "What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

Almost a yes! I grinned at her broadly. Excited now, I thought Vegas sounded great. "Sure. I'll get my car."

"Dammit," she muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months," she offered.

Still grinning, I declined. "No deal. I like this condition." Accepting at last that she'd be a vampire, that she would be my mate for eternity, I wanted to marry her like I'd never wanted anything before.

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate," she grumbled.

Knowing this for the bluff that it was, I shrugged. "If that's what you really want."

"You're impossible. A monster," she groaned.

Yes. Yes I am. I laughed at her. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

She groaned again. Still, not a yes or a no.

Leaning close to her, begging her once again with my eyes, looking intently into her chocolate eyes, the windows to the purest, most beautiful, strongest soul I'd ever met, I poured my love for her into her and begged. "Please, Bella?"

She stopped breathing. I'd forgotten she tended to do that when dazzled, but was happy that it still worked. Maybe I should have proposed properly. "Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" As it happened, I already had one. I could run home and be back before she knew it.

"No! No rings!" she said far too loud.

Charlie's snores cut off and I heard him wake, his thoughts full of relief that Bella was awake, and fury, still, at me.

"Now you've done it," I whispered. He should not find me here.

"Oops," she said, understanding immediately.

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I said sadly.

She stared at me, agonized, but not saying anything.

"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No. Stay. Please." She was whispering and I was sure it wasn't just due to Charlie.

I grinned at her and flashed over to her closet, sliding the door open and shut behind me before she could even see me move. I felt sort of guilty then. We'd never really discussed what to tell Charlie and in Bella's insistence over becoming a vampire, hadn't spoken with Alice about it either. I heard her door creak open as Charlie checked on her.

"Morning, Dad," she said as if it was any other day. As if there wasn't a vampire hiding in her closet. I nearly laughed.

"Oh, hey, Bella. I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." I heard her bed springs as she moved to get up.

"Hold on. Let's talk for a minute first." I saw the sudden light pour under the door as he turned her light on.

"You know you're in trouble."

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when – or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how… how…"

Charlie had always been a man of few words. Although he loved his daughter fiercely, he'd never been openly expressive about it. In trying to voice his emotions now, I could hear his composure falter. He was holding on, but through sheer willpower alone. I knew that where Bella got part of her strength from was her father. Charlie may hate me at the moment, but I respected him a great deal. I wished it were possible to be truthful with him. It might make him hate me less to know that I'd only left her to try to protect her… Then again, he'd probably do everything in his power to keep Bella away from the monster hiding in her closet. If he thought me just a boy, a bad influence perhaps, an untrustworthy, unworthy boy, Bella might be able to convince him to accept me back into her life. I wasn't going anywhere and we both knew it. It would be nice if Charlie did, too.

"Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?" he demanded.

"Because I won't go."

"Now just one minute, young lady – " I nearly laughed at his tone.

"Look, Dad," she interrupted. "I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too – but that won't make me go to Florida."

Two emotions warred within him at her speech. One was fury, again mostly directed at me. The other was relief. He could see a difference in her. Since she'd started hanging around with Jacob – and the dog was nearly a saint in his eyes – Bella had gotten some of her sparkle back, but he could still see the lines of pain and depression. Looking at her through his eyes, I could see a difference between his memory of her from last week and how she looked now.

She no longer looked broken. Not mended, but as though she'd never been hurt. Happy, even. The haunted look he hadn't really understood was gone from her eyes. He took several deep breaths and then asked, "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

"There was… an emergency," she said, lamely.

...emergency? You've got to do better than that, Bella, he thought.

I heard her blow a huge sigh out. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand." Bella really was a terrible liar. Maybe that's why she believed mine so easily. She was absolutely trustworthy, and gave her trust in the same manor. I resolved to try to be worthy of that trust, but for now, she needed to lie better.

Charlie waited without answering.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…"

WHAT?!

"I guess I didn't tell you about that. It was nothing. Just messing around. Swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to… L.A., to explain in person."

"Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" The thought made him cold. I could feel the icy fear in his mind and understood it completely. I had seen her jump off that cliff. I still believed that she didn't intend to survive the fall.

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

I could feel the effect her repeated mention of Jacob was having on Charlie. Jake was worthy of his daughter. I was not.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway? All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word – "

"Another misunderstanding," she interrupted him.

"So is he back, then?"

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are."

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"Fine."

My stomach dropped. If it was alive, my heart would have stopped beating.

"Oh. I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am. I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out'."

Overwhelming relief from me. Terror from Charlie.

"Dad, I don't want to move out." Her words were soft, full of love for her father. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." I could hear her confidence in me in her voice and my dead heart swelled with love for the fragile human girl. Fragile her body may be, but she was also the strongest person I'd ever met.

"Not under my roof," Charlie said, furious.

"Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight – or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella – "

"Think it over," she pressed him. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."

Charlie left slamming the door behind him. His thoughts were filled with words that I would never repeat in Bella's presence, but they were, of course, directed at me. I sighed sadly. He really hated me. Not that I blamed him after what I'd seen him remember Bella going through. I flashed out of her closet, closing the door and moving to sit in her rocking chair so fast it must have seemed to her as though I appeared out of thin air.

"Sorry about that," she whispered, taking the blame as always.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse. Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please," I begged her.

"Don't worry about it. I will start exactly as much as is necessary and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" she widened her eyes at me, knowingly.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…" she grinned at me wickedly, "if Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

She was relentless. "So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered, disapprovingly. I might have accepted it, but I didn't have to like it.

"You know you don't really believe that." Her tone was matter-of-fact.

"Oh, don't I?" I said, furious. I knew I was damned.

"No, you don't."

Glaring at her, I wondered if this was why she was so willing to become a vampire. Did she really not believe it would cost her soul? I started to argue with her, but she cut me off.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't – you said, 'Amazing, Carlisle was right.' There's hope in you, after all." She was beaming at me in triumph.

In shock, I stared at her, open mouthed. She was right. I had believed we were in heaven together. Not just that our souls were reunited in death, but in heaven! For those few brief moments, I had been convinced of it.

"So let's just be hopeful, all right? Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

In Seattle, not so long ago, I had felt the same way. What need had I of heaven if I could spend eternity in the arms of my angel, I had asked myself.

Slowly, feeling full of hope and overwhelming love, I stood and took her face in my hands. "Forever," I vowed to her.

"That's all I'm asking for," she said and stretched herself up to kiss me. Standing in my little piece of heaven in the small room I had dreamt of for so long with my own personal angel held in my arms, I kissed her back with passion. Afraid of neither myself nor the future, absolutely certain of our love for each other, I looked toward the future we were rushing toward, and hoped.