Chapter Seven

After lunch Eric, James and I had to water and weed the crops then fish as many fish as we could from the lake. Hunting was an easier yet dangerous way to feed the entire tribe. It was hard to catch enough fish, one for each person, because there were so little in the water. While we and the other men were in the water, Vuela was sitting on rock on the bank watching over her lake.

At some point Eric, James and I got into a splash fight but stopped because Lorent said we were scaring the fish way.

"Juegan como nińas," Mika laughed. (They play like girls)

"Parece que le gusta a Vuela." Tilar said (Vuela seems to like it.)

Recognizing Vuela's name I looked to where she sat. She was chuckling to herself. To her we looked like an animal with wet fur, the way our clothes clunged to us. James was still in his boxers.

As expected we didn't get a lot of fish and as punishment for scaring them away we wouldn't get any. I was weird getting scolded at thirty-four. But Vuela would have fish, Mika's only fish.

"Take off your clothes, it will get cold and if you're wet all day you'll get sick." She told us.

"Listen to your sister and strip!" James shouted.

"Dude that sounds so wrong!" I shouted back.

I asked Vuela, as nice as possible, to remain outside the hut while we changed or at least keep her back turned to us. She said remainning out of the hut was the least she could do for me after I promised to keep her secret yesterday.

"Why don't you be naked like us?" she asked.

"Where we're from it isn't proper to be naked, we get in trouble."

"Why?"

"Well…we believe our bodies are only for our husbands or wives to see. Also, brothers and sisters don't see each others naked bodies, not moms or dads either."

"Is it…like a gift?"

"Yes, yes like that. We show our bodies to each other and-and do other stuff when we feel we trust each other."

"Did you do that?"

"Yes, on the night of my wedding."

"It sounds…special, showing something the world has never seen to only one person; it sounds nice."

"What is it like here?"

"I over heard the other women say that our lower parts have to be connected in order to make a baby; there is a hole there that the men's lower half goes into.. When I was young I thought it was bad and that I wasn't made right," she laughed.

"Between the years I was sixteen and now the women have said we were made to each other . We only have to wait until someone wants to take care of us but like I said, I don't feel right with Mika but I don't think I have a choice. If he doesn't take care of me who will take care of an old woman? If I don't accept him now, he will move on to another girl."

"That really bothers me actually. I have a little sister, like you, and if she had to marry someone just out of survival instead out of love I-I couldn't let that happen."

"What is 'love'?"

"It's…a feeling in your heart that makes you feel like, erm…you know how the men have to do all the hard work so you can have babies?" She nodded.

"Well when a man loves a woman he does it because he wants to, and then it isn't work; he doesn't come home tired and he's happy, the wife is happy and everything is happy until one of them dies."

"To want to hunt, to want to cook?" I nodded, she seemed to understand.

"I know what happy is, it's smiling and laughing, but 'love'…is it how you and our brothers played with water?"

"um…I guess so but we don't marry each other, we take care of each other because we want to until we find a woman we love; when we do we take care of each other."

"You three and one woman?" she asked horrified.

"No! No, just one woman for one man."

"ah," she affirmed.

"Then is love not between Mika and I?"

"I'm no expert but I think that's why you don't feel happy around him."

"How do I find it?"

"I…don't know."

"But you found it in your wife?"

"My what?"

"Mika told me before you came home at lucnh. Sorry, they talk like old people and for some reason it's always about you. I like Mika less, I don't want his food at all anymore and I wouldn't accept it if I had the choice but…the woman didn't 'love' you?"

"She didn't love me or take care of me like the wives here do. Or you."

"Why not?"

"She…did it so she had a man to take care of her."

"….Mika will be alone if I marry him?"

"And so will you." Vuela poked at the fire. She was keeping it going so my clothes dried; the others were in a heap on the side and Vuela would keep at this job until they were dry. Maybe I should get naked.

"Can I tell you another secret?"

"Sure,"

"I don't think I'm as special as they all say."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just like them in every way, the only difference is my skin but…I mean my skin doesn't make me special on the inside. I don't think I am a swan's daughter."

This was shocking.

"I…I don't think there is a god." She whispered, sounding like she was about to cry. I thought to myself their customs were wierd but I never said it out loud because it was their existence.

"The others worry because they think I will give birth to another swan if I marry but I know it isn't real and I don't want my child to know that. I don't want her to live a lie. The others want me to give birth so there is someone to take care of the swans. They think they bring fish every year. And babies."

If only they knew how things really work.

"Every year I worry I will lose Mika's patience and generosity or have to get married and have a baby I don't want to exist. I'm very bad, I'm supposed to be a mom…"

I didn't know what to tell her.

"I could still marry James, we are not of the same blood, but he doesn't know how to hunt and he is gone most of the year. Unless he stays ans learns there is no way for me to live but I am not the one he has love for. He sees me as his sister."

"Do you see him as something else?"

"…I don't think I feel 'love' but I don't mind cooking for him. It doesn't matter, it won't happen because he is like you; from a differnt world and happy because of it."