- Chapter Four -

Daring to Hope

Brianna hefted the axe over her shoulder, swinging into the log with a crack. "Can't split these damn things to save my life," she grumbled. After playing elfroot-collecting simulator for hours thanks to Adan, Cassandra had sent her out to the logging stand.

"Accompanying the Herald to Therinfal Redoubt is out of the question," Cassandra had said with a skeptical glance at Brianna's slim arms, "unless you have some skill with a blade I am unaware of."

"Please let me come, at least this once. I can help and give advice, or whatever you need. Just because I'm not physically strong doesn't mean I'm not useful."

Cassandra had started to turn away, shaking her head.

"Teach me then. How to use a sword, I mean."

"It takes hours of practice and hard work. Are you sure you're up to the challenge?"

"Try me."

Brianna yanked the axe out of the log, nearly losing her balance. "Insert disgusted noise here. Didn't know I'd have to do this." She swung the axe again, grunting as it glanced off the log. "I always worked so hard to find you little logging stands, but now I know why you're in the most obscure places. No one likes you!"

A couple weeks had passed since her arrival in Thedas. Every day, she had collapsed into bed sore, smelly, and fingers stained green from elfroot. Every day, she had passed Solas on her way to the tavern. They would exchange brief conversations and pleasant nods, but Cassandra was a ruthless instructor. She had rebuffed all her excuses when Brianna had shown up late for practice one day after spending an extra minute with Solas.

"Definitely got more than I bargained for." The axe blade whooshed through the air, shaving kindling off the side of the log. With a shout of frustration, Brianna flung the axe into the woods. "Stupid log!"

"Ow! Damn!"

Brianna jumped, wincing as she peered in the direction her axe had flown. "Uh… Hello?"

A towering qunari woman stalked out of the trees, covered head to toe in form-fitting leather armor. Brianna backed up several paces, eyes wide. The woman gripped the axe, a gloved hand over her left eye. With the other, she speared Brianna with a venomous look and stormed over to her, shaking the axe in her face.

"What the hell?!" she shouted, golden eye sparking.

"I'm sorry!" Brianna cowered. "It was... self-defense!"

"I wasn't anywhere near you!"

"Not you… The log wouldn't split. So I threw the axe."

The giant woman shook her horns, lowering her hand to reveal bruising on her brow. A trickle of blood leaked from a small cut. "You make no sense at all. At least the blade didn't hit my head. That would've been inconvenient."

"Yeah, sorry…" Brianna scratched her nose and stared. The woman was tall, powerful, with straight white hair that brushed her wide shoulders. Yellow-gold eyes stood out against stone-colored skin, like suns in a storm cloud.

She crossed her muscular arms. "Not like I don't have a thousand scars already. Who has you out here splitting wood when you're obviously incompetent? Cassandra most likely."

Brianna straightened. "I want to go questing with the Herald, but I need to be able to defend myself." She started when the woman let out a deep laugh that rang across the snow.

"You? Hold a blade? Unlikely!"

She ducked her head again. "Laugh all you like, I'll get it eventually." Grabbing the axe from her hand, she stalked over to the stump, planting the log in place.

"Hold." The qunari stepped beside Brianna. "You're holding it wrong. It's just going to flail around in your hands if you swing it like that. When you bring the blade down, you need to move your arms and back at the same time, in one swing." She demonstrated the stance. "Otherwise, you'll be fighting the same log for an hour." With a wink, she said, "Good tip for taking off heads, too. Swing like I showed you, and you can snap the neck in one go. With bigger muscles, of course."

"I…" Brianna caught the conspiratorial twinkle in the qunari's eyes and she breathed a laugh. "Thanks, I guess?"

"You're peculiar. Who are you?"

"Brianna. I'm a friend of Solas's. I'm here to help the Inquisition."

"Neirah. I'm also here for the bloody Inquisition. Someone has to fix that hole in the sky, so may as well be us, right?"

Noticing the tension in Neirah's posture, the smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, Brianna offered a warm smile. "Don't worry. The Inquisition wins."

Neirah lifted an eyebrow. "How would you know?"

"That's why I'm here." Brianna met her probing gaze.

"You're a strange one, Brianna. Stick around, and try not to die." Neirah headed for the woods and called back, "You may not be completely incompetent after all!"

Brianna made a face as Neirah disappeared into the trees. "Not completely incompetent, my ass," she grumbled. "Says the qunari goddess." She eyed the perched log with disdain. "Pointless! Completely pointless!" She gripped the axe with both hands and swung hard.

The chantry was shrouded in silence when Brianna entered, broken only by hushed murmurs and the rustling of robes. She headed for the council room to meet Cassandra when she noticed a stately figure poised by one of the stone pillars, observing her. She gulped. Which was worse: attempting to dodge Cassandra's sword and failing miserably, or the inevitable sting of Vivienne's scathing disapproval?

"I believe we have not been formally introduced. I am First Enchanter Vivienne, but if the rumors about you are correct, introductions are not entirely necessary."

"I'm Brianna. Yeah, I know some things."

"Indeed." Vivienne's narrow skirts swished around her ankles as her shrewd gaze moved over her. "From what I hear, you're not from Thedas, but I have not been apprised of the full story. So tell me. The Anderfels? Or further perhaps?"

"I'm from… another world, actually."

Vivienne's graceful neck moved as she cocked her head. "Now that's a tale you don't hear every day. I find it curious that you are so willing to divulge that information. You'll forgive me if I have my doubts, although I imagine such a journey would be a remarkable one."

"I still can't believe it myself, to be honest. One day, I was home, and the next, I had accidentally fallen into Thedas."

"A questionable world indeed if its citizens are thrown willy nilly from one realm to the next."

"Oh, that was my fault. Where I come from is pretty safe compared to Thedas. There aren't any Blights or darkspawn, and we're not constantly fighting in wars or dealing with sickness. It's definitely safer there." Though not particularly exciting…

"How curious," she said, interest flickering in her gaze. "Is it common for the inhabitants of your realm to have knowledge of the future of other worlds?"

"I guess some do?"

"A fascinating, but gravely concerning notion. For anyone to possess such knowledge is dangerous, no matter how pure their intentions may be."

Brianna shifted on her feet. "Well, it's not really considered 'seeing into the future' because it's assumed you can't travel to places like Thedas. I hadn't known it was even possible to get here. But I knew enough that I felt like I could help if I had the chance."

Vivienne regarded her doubtfully. "You're playing a very dangerous game, Brianna. You may not realize it, but the council has placed a great deal of responsibility for the future of the Inquisition into your hands. Your advice will shape their decisions." Her lips curled in a wry smile. "The Inquisition attracts the most peculiar individuals. I can't say I feel entirely comfortable placing my faith in a child who claims to have fallen out of the sky, but I was told the information you provided so far has been correct. I'm curious to see how long that will last before your influence changes more than people's opinions of your appearance here."

Of course Vivienne was right. Brianna knew things might change because of her, but it hadn't seemed like anything more than a vague possibility until now.

That afternoon, on her way back from sparring practice, she found Solas seated on a bench against the wall of his cabin, absorbed in a tome on his lap. She watched him just long enough to be creepy as he turned a page.

"Is there some way I can assist you?" he asked without looking up. "Or are you accustomed to keeping your associates under such close observation?"

"Ugh, sorry." Brianna shuffled over to the bench and plopped down beside him. "Just distracted, I guess." When Solas didn't reply, she went on. "I met Vivienne this morning. She's intense. I'm not sure she thinks it's a good idea if I tell the Inquisition what I know."

"It is true that revealing someone's future and giving them that knowledge does not follow the natural course of events, but choosing whether or not to share the information you possess is ultimately your decision. The council has appreciated your assistance so far."

"When I thought I could stay and help until I found a way to go home, I guess I hoped it would be for good rather than not."

Solas's brow lowered, almost imperceptibly. "Your determination is admirable, but even the best intentions are regarded with disdain if misunderstood." He hesitated. "If you were unable to return using the method that originally brought you here, do you think you would be able to find a suitable alternative?"

She hesitated. "I was going to say I didn't think so. But before, I would've said being here at all was impossible. So, maybe?"

"You are concerned about your family."

He remembered. "I've always taken care of them. Especially after my mom's accident."

He tipped his head to look at her.

Brianna stared at her boots, scuffing them through the snow. "She was at work when we got a call. The doctors said she had a stroke, but I don't know. It was different. It changed her." Leaning back, she rested her head against the wall. "When she was released from the hospital, she was desperate to talk to me. She kept repeating words and I guess it scared me a little. Over time, it wasn't so bad, but she wasn't the same."

Solas's fingers shifted against his tome. "I'm sorry. I am sure she still cared for you. A parent's love for a child cannot change."

"I know. It's just… " Brianna shrugged, shoving down the weight in her chest. "I was just so sure I'd be home forever with her. I never resented her for that. It was familiar anyway. But I wanted Cynthia to be able to do something with her life. If I'm not there… She was always braver than me. I just wanted her to have that chance."

"You care for them a great deal."

"We were always really close. I hope they're okay…" Brianna stopped short as Vivienne appeared at the top of the steps, trailing past them towards Adan's shop.

"I was unaware of your family's circumstances," she said. "You have my deepest condolences, my dear."

Brianna blinked. "She's mostly okay. The doctors said she could still live a long, happy life with the right treatment."

Vivienne paused. "And what is this treatment you speak of?"

"I don't know a lot about medicine, but it can give someone another chance at life. It doesn't work every time, of course. But most times? Yeah. If my mom lived here, she wouldn't have survived her accident. No one should have to lose someone they care about."

"A naive, yet sweet sentiment. Life is often not so kind as to allow us such fantasies. The things we desire from life are more often achieved with persistence and struggle than simply wishing it so."

"I think that's true in any world," Brianna agreed. "Just hoping things improve won't get you anywhere. But dreams are what make life worth living. Without them, you lose something. They give you a reason to live, a purpose."

Solas glanced at her, but remained silent.

"I do not wish to disappoint you," Vivienne said, "but in my experience, dreams are often fleeting, leaving one empty and disillusioned when unfulfilled. Time is a cruel master that destroys what we love most. To act is far superior to simply wishing yourself a more acceptable reality."

Brianna shrugged. "Both are important, I think."

"Then tell me. What dreams did you have before arriving here? As I understand it, you sacrificed any personal ambition you might have had on the altar of good intentions."

Brianna pursed her lips.

"Did you dream of escape? To be free of the responsibility you were burdened with? Anything can be a cage if we allow it, no matter how comfortable it may be."

"I don't believe that is for you to say, Vivienne," Solas said mildly. "Brianna made her decision. I would recommend against questioning someone's choice when we don't know the circumstances surrounding the situation."

"You're hardly one to speak on the subject when all your time is wasted on dreams that have no relevance to the here and now. They are fruitless pursuits that leave one emptier than before."

"Does that mean you have dreams, Vivienne?" Brianna asked innocently. "Before you became a frosty badass that pretends not to care about anyone, I mean. Was it love? Was there someone who swept you off your feet and made you feel alive?"

Vivienne's eyes flashed. Without a backward glance, she turned and disappeared inside Adan's shop.

Solas watched her go. "I do believe you made our resident First Enchanter uncomfortable."

Was that admiration in his voice? She ducked to hide a grin. "Knowing too much about people has its perks, I guess."

"So you are aware of someone in Vivienne's life that she cares about."

"Yeah, he's pretty sick. She may seem like she doesn't care about people, but I think she really loves him." She planted her feet on the bench, hugging her legs to her chest. "So, what about you? Have any dreams besides saving your people and the next time you get to have a nap?" she teased.

Solas bowed his head, none of Brianna's buoyancy reflected in his expression. "I awoke a year ago to find the world I had known completely changed. I struggle to imagine a higher priority than the restoration of what has been lost due to the careless mistakes of a younger elf."

She leaned forward to peer at him, lowering her feet to the ground. "Hey… Don't be sad. We'll figure it out."

"I have often wandered the memories of the Fade," he said, "catching glimpses of wishes and hopes that went unanswered. Though unfortunate, they possessed a kind of tragic beauty that remains after another's fulfillment has been forgotten."

"That doesn't have to be you." Lowering her voice, she whispered, "Even elven gods are allowed to have dreams, you know." When he met her gaze, she smiled. "Isn't there anything you ever wanted, just for you? Not because it was the right thing to do, or because someone thought you should. But because it was something you wanted and that made life worth living? That if you had that one thing, it would make all the struggle and heartache worthwhile?"

Whether or not he intended it, she saw the answer plainly in the heaviness around his eyes. After centuries of uprisings, wars, and countless mistakes, maybe he had given up on the possibility of finding a bit of happiness in life. The thought broke her heart.

Instead, he asked, "Do you?"

"My dreams? Well, my first one would probably be to find a way to get you to smile at me, since you never do. That would be nice."

Solas leaned in, stopping her with the press of his hand against hers. He stared into her eyes and his lips curved in a slow smile. Lifting a brow, he asked, "Is this what you had in mind?"

Brianna jerked away, almost toppling off the bench. "Uh, no! Smiling doesn't have to mean getting up in a girl's personal space, you know!"

"If you insist."

He smirked and she made a face at him. "Fine. Be your weird, brooding self. And that was only half a smile. I'll get a real one eventually…" She gave him the side-eye. "...Freckles."

"I believe Varric already has an alternative to my given name."

"Oh, I know. But someone as moody as you deserves all the nicknames. Of course, I could just call you Fen. Or Fenny."

"No."

Brianna giggled. "I think you secretly like the attention."

"I am unaware of what gave you that impression."

But when she peeked at him, she caught the barest twitch of his lips, and her traitorous heart skipped a beat. She stood a little too quickly, tripping over her feet. "Well, I gotta go meet the council now or I'll be late, so we'll catch up later, okay?" Before he could respond, she fled to the chantry. Why am I like this? She let out a gusty sigh as she entered, crossing to the war room. If I'm not careful, he's gonna figure out I-.

The war room door opened, Josephine beckoning her inside with a bright smile.

The council drilled her for hours, a welcome distraction from her capricious emotions. She filled them in as best she could, wilting at the pain in Cassandra's eyes when she told them that Lord Seeker Lucius had been replaced by an envy demon.

"The templars must be conscripted for this!" Cassandra gripped the edge of the table, eyes flashing. "Surely they knew where such actions would lead. You've seen it yourself."

"They were following orders," Brianna countered. "They didn't know the lyrium would turn them into… something not human." She saw the strain in Cullen's eyes as he swallowed.

The room was silent for several beats before Leliana said, "We appreciate what you're doing to help the Inquisition, Brianna. If it is any consolation, Solas has spoken well of you and validated your knowledge of the Inquisition. I imagine having such insight cannot be easy. I'm curious if Therinfal will turn out as you predict."

Yeah. Me, too…