~revised~
Chapter XI
Mira
They had helped to remove the glass-shards from Sarah's car. Fortunately it was not too badly damaged. It had a few scratches, but not even the headlights were broken. After that Sarah had said goodbye – but just for now, as she was eager to make sure. She needed some sleep as they all did. Well, in the Doctor's case she wasn't that sure. But she could definitely need some quiet time on her own.
They hurried to get back to the TARDIS, the Doctor holding the Psychic Paper to all Firemen and Police Officers in their way. Once they had reached the TARDIS the Doctor had immediately 'parked' his ship somewhere else, before he had turned his attention to K9. Mickey – who had followed them – and Rose had gone to her room, and she herself felt no desire to talk to the Doctor right now. She needed to figure out a few things on her own before she could talk to him again. Besides that she was feeling really exhausted. So she had wished him a good night and went to her room.
After she had taken a long and hot shower she was sitting on her bed, leaning against the wall, dressed in an oversized grey sleeping-shirt. Of all the thoughts in her head he had to hear that one. At least that was what he had admitted to. She wasn't so sure about that. What else had he heard? She banged her head slightly against the wall as she was recalling what else she had been thinking about – mainly about him. It would be so embarrassing.
Another slight bang against the wall.
And why had he been so eager to get an answer from her? If she could trust her – non psychic – feelings, she would have guessed that he didn't want her to leave. On the other hand, it could easily be the opposite.
Bang. Next hit. Maybe that would turn her thoughts around a bit. Help change their direction. All of sudden a feeling of disapproval crept into her mind.
Really?
She took a look around her and knocked her head against the wall once more. The feeling got even stronger.
"All right. Is it you worrying about my head or your wall? Or something else?" she asked the TARDIS. No response. Of course. Not that she had expected any. She wasn't even sure if the old Time Ship could actually 'talk'. There had been just emotions so far and small changes in the humming sound she was constantly producing.
Fine. Never mind that. There were other problems right now. And there actually was a way to solve them. She had to just walk into the console room and speak her mind. Tell him everything that was going on in her head and demand some sensible answer. But that would have been too easy and she wouldn't have been Mira if she would have been able to act like that. She would just stand there, struggle for words, talk nonsense if anything at all or fall back to her 'professional' self. To her 'I like you but no matter what you say or do I won't ever let you close to me'-self.
It wasn't that she wasn't fully aware of what was going on. Or going wrong, to be more precise. She was too old and had been through too much not to know herself. But just knowing oneself didn't mean being able to change.
Facing a hostile alien space-fleet? Easy. Running away from some Krillitanes? Piece of cake. Being lost in Andromeda Galaxy? Tough but they had made it. Losing Earth as they had send the whole planet through a gigantic transmitter? She had done her bit to save the day. Every time the fate of humanity or the other intelligent species in her galaxy had been at stake she had fought for them without hesitation, had done what was necessary, whether she had liked it or not.
Getting out of her personal comfort-zone when it came to herself? Impossible.
She knew how to keep herself busy. Had always been there for others. Had always cared for them and given them advice. But she had hardly allowed anyone to get that close to herself in return or to help her the way she had helped them. She had kept them at a distance, tried to remain in control. Remain independent. Only very few people were that close to her, people like her father and a handful of the other immortals. People she knew for ages now. It wasn't even the case that she was afraid of showing weakness. She could admit what she was afraid of. But there was a difference between admitting her fears and letting someone get close to her, so close that she cared about them and their opinion. Showing weakness wasn't the same as being vulnerable. It might look the same from the outside, and a lot of people could be fooled by it, but it wasn't the same. It was all about the other person – at a distance she didn't care much about their opinion. But emotionally close enough so that they could actually reach her? Possibly hurt her, intentionally or not? Different story altogether.
And now there he was. Just looking into his dark alien eyes was enough to throw her completely out of balance. Which was quite an achievement, by the way. She was afraid that he would tear down every wall and defence she had so carefully built around herself within an instance if she let him. If he wanted to. Be able to see right through all the disguises and maybe find things so hidden that not even she was aware of them. And she didn't want that. It was working for her. Protected her from the pain of losing people she had relied on, people having been close to her. Maybe it did make her a bit lonely. Maybe even bitter and disillusioned at times. But in the end, everything had its price.
She sighed. She was tired of brooding over these things. Apart from that, the feeling of disapproval she got from the TARDIS had been replaced by something soothing and comforting. Making her a bit tired. Before she knew what she was doing she had lifted her hand and was gently stroking the wall behind her back. She was brooding too much about things she couldn't change.
Life is now. The future happens anyway.
She wrapped herself in the blanket, turned off the light and fell asleep a few minutes later.
…
She had slept for about seven hours. The TARDIS had somehow produced an alarm-clock that was now sitting on the bedside table. As she was dressing herself she noted that her ribs weren't hurting anymore. They seemed to be almost healed. Normally it would have taken up to five or six weeks, around half the time it would take for any normal human. It was still bruised, but even that had began to fade already. She finally combed her hair and decided to let it hang loose for now. After that she headed for the console room. It had been quite some time and she was wondering what the others were doing. She only found the Doctor there, trying to repair K9.
"Morning. Or whatever time it is," she said. "Any success?"
"Morning," he beamed at her. "Yeah, you can say so. Although I was afraid I was a bit hasty." He looked back and forth between K9 and the screen on the main console. "I gave Sarah Jane a call, but I thought it would take her a bit longer... Would you mind delaying her a bit?" He looked at her with furrowed brows and gesticulated towards the door. "I need to clean up this mess..."
"Fine..."
"Just don't tell her about K9!"
"Whatever you want," she answered a bit confused.
She stepped outside and stood in a rather lovely park. He had landed the TARDIS right in it and no one seemed to mind the blue box any further. Sarah Jane was only a few feet away now.
"Hi!" Mira greeted her.
"Ah, hello! It's Mira Rhodan, isn't it? Or is it just a new version of Mr. Smith?"
"No, that's actually my name," she answered with a smile, just to step in Sarah's way as she was heading for the TARDIS door.
"Oh, I'm afraid you can't go in there now," she hurried to say.
"Why not?"
"Well, the Doctor told me to delay you a bit. The console room is a mess." He had only asked her not to say anything about K9. "He's repairing his ship, I believe."
"Oh well, that can take some time," Sarah sighed and walked over to a park bench where they sat down. It was a nice and rather warm day. They were just sitting for some time, enjoying the sun and listening to the birds.
"So, where are you from?" Sarah turned her face to her.
"Earth," Mira answered. She eyed Sarah for a moment. Sarah had a nice and open face with soft features and no bitterness in them. And there was a certain kind of wisdom about her that brightened up her eyes. "But not from this Earth. Different universe."
"Oh. Yeah, I heard what the Doctor had said. That you're stuck here. How did that happen?" Sarah asked and Mira felt nothing but honest interest coming from her.
"It was an accident. Sort of. He saved my life, but I don't have any idea how he found me."
"Well, that's him," Sarah answered with a soft smile. "He was always having a talent for showing up exactly where he's needed."
"So, for how long did you travel with him?"
"For quite a while. It's a bit hard to keep track of it inside this amazing ship."
"But you didn't recognise him at first," Mira told her.
"No. He had changed his face again."
There it was again. What did that mean?
"Who is he?" She just had to ask Sarah. "I mean, the more I learn about him, the less I understand who he is."
"Oh, he's just wonderful." Sarah sounded a bit sad now. "He is warm-hearted, good, kind, infuriating, pig-headed and sometimes a bit blind. He rushes into your life, turns it upside down, shows you things and places you would have never dreamed of. And then, one day, it all ends. It will break your heart. That's who he is. You either have to love or hate him. There is nothing in between."
Now there were tears in Sarah's eyes. She blinked them away instantly. Mira swallowed hard. Sarah wasn't the only one with tears in her eyes now. It must have been really hard to get back to a life on earth after flying through time and space with him. It seemed that Sarah had managed it quite well, though.
"Oh, don't you cry because of an old woman," she said as she looked at Mira's face.
"Never mind. I always tend to cry with others," Mira said whilst rubbing her eyes.
"So, how long have you been travelling with him?" Sarah wanted to know.
"Not that long. A bit longer than a week maybe?"
"Just let me tell you one thing: Meeting him of all people in this universe was the best thing that could have happened to you. If he invites you to come with him you should take that chance. As long as you're young..." Sarah took her hand and looked right into her eyes. "He really broke my heart, but it was worth it."
Mira eyed her for a long moment. She could feel her honesty. She could feel the love and the admiration Sarah still felt for the Doctor. And even the pain of being left behind on Earth. It was almost as seeing him through Sarah's eyes for a moment.
"I.. Actually, I thought...," Mira started to say as the door of the TARDIS opened.
Doctor
They were sitting on a bench, Sarah holding Mira's hand. Not really a surprise, he had seen it on the screen in the console room. He had wanted to switch it off, he really did. But he was too busy to clean up the mess he had produced the last night. He hadn't really listened. Well, not that much. A bit, maybe. At least he had tried not to listen to them.
"Cuppa tea?" He smile at them. They stood up and he stepped aside as Sarah Jane walked through the door, followed by Mira. Rose and Mickey were waiting inside now. He watched Sarah in eager anticipation as she walked over to the central console.
"You've redecorated!"
"Do you like it?"
"Oh, I, I do. Yeah. I preferred it as it was, but uh... yeah. It'll do!"
"I love it," Rose said suddenly.
"Hey, you - what's forty seven times three hundred and sixty nine?" Sarah had now turned to her.
"No idea. It's gone now - the oil's faded," Rose answered.
"Seventeen thousand, three hundred forty-three," Mira murmured. She was standing next to him at the console now, cheekily smiling at him. "It's a trick, and practice. Milo was faster," she added as he didn't reply anything and just looked at her a bit perplexed.
"But you're still clever. More than a match for him," Sarah said to Rose. He kept himself busy with the console, pretending not to listen.
"You and me both," Rose answered her. "Doctor...?" He looked up and directly at Rose.
"Um - we're about to head off, but... you could come with us," he said with a cheerful smile. Well, it would be nice to travel with Sarah once more. He hadn't even considered asking her. But maybe...
"No... I can't do this anymore," Sarah said after a moment of thinking. His smile faded as well as Rose's.
"That's too bad," he heard Mira say next to him.
"Besides, I've got a much bigger adventure ahead! Time I stopped waiting for you and found a life of my own," Sarah explained quite enthusiastically.
"Can I come?" That was Mickey. He had almost forgotten about him.
"No, not with you," Mickey hurried to explain after he saw the look on Sarah's face. "I mean... with you." And pointed over to him. "'Cause I'm not the tin dog. And I wanna see what's out there."
Good grief. Mickey the idiot. Mickey who screamed like a little girl. Even Rose was mouthing a 'no' to him, whilst he heard a faint 'yes' from Mira who was still standing next to him.
"Oh, go on, Doctor. Sarah Jane Smith - a Mickey Smith. You need a Smith on board!" Sarah was trying to convince him. Fine.
"Okay then, I could do with a laugh."
Rose wasn't too pleased, that much was clear to see.
"Rose, is that okay?" Well, even Mickey was noticing something from time to time.
"No, great. Why not?" Rose answered sarcastically.
"Well, I'd better go," Sarah finally broke the awkward silence in the console room. She took Rose aside and he turned his attention back to the console. Well, they were talking loud enough for his ears anyway.
"What do I do?" Rose asked Sarah quietly. "Do I stay with him?"
"Maybe." Sarah hugged her. "Find me... if you need to, one day. Find me. And be a bit kinder to the people around you. When he leaves some day it's them who will stay with you then."
Meanwhile he had walked over to the door and was holding it open for Sarah. He stepped out with her.
"It's daft. But I haven't ever thanked you for that time, and like I said - I wouldn't have missed it for the world," she said to him once the door was closed.
"Something to tell the grand kids," he said to her cheerfully.
"Oh, I think it'll be someone else's grand kids now."
"Right. Yes, sorry - I didn't get a chance to ask. You haven't... there hasn't been anyone... ? You know... ?" Well, that was awkward.
"Well... there was this one guy. I travelled with him for a while. But he was a tough act to follow," she said. He smiled softly at her. Sarah Jane Smith. She had been such a wonderful person to have along.
"Goodbye, Doctor," she continued.
"Oh, it's not goodbye..."
"Say it, please. This time. Say it," she demanded.
"Goodbye. My Sarah Jane," he said after a moment, looking her straight in the eyes. Just to throw his arms around her the next moment. He lifted her off the ground while hugging her. They smiled at one another one last time before he returned to the TARDIS.
Inside the console room was only Mira sitting in the seat.
"Mickey was hungry. Rose is showing him the kitchen," she informed him.
"Well then, off we go," he said whilst looking at her. "Been down on a planet far too long." She didn't made any attempt to walk to the door. So she was staying? He entered some random coordinates, started the engines and released the handbrake.
"What's with K9?"
"I left him behind. I think he'll have a good live with Sarah," he said with a soft smile.
"Yeah. She was really nice. Very much so. Such a shame that she didn't want to stay."
"Yup. So. What about you?" He pulled nervously at his earlobe. "Do you still want to leave?"
"I never said that I want to leave," she said after a moment of consideration. "First of all: I was thinking about it. Not everything we think is meant to be spoken out aloud. Second of all it was: Maybe I should leave."
"So where's the difference?"
"Well... What we want to do isn't always what we should do. And what we end up doing isn't always what we wanted. With that said I think I do want to stay. But I'm not sure I should."
There it was again. One moment of blunt honesty. The same honesty that had captivated him back then in the library. No wavering around, no hiding, just saying what was going on in her mind. She was looking right at him now. Was there a hint of fear in her eyes? Fear of what?
He would really be able to help her much better if she would just talk to him. Or... Words were so limited. No. Not a good idea to ask for that now. Not after he just had accidentally read one of her thoughts.
"Nah. Who says we shouldn't do what we want? And when we do something we obviously want it. Besides, I guess there is only one way of finding out, hm?"
fantasiesfuture: Tanks for your review.
I'm not sure what you're meaning with translating it. I have started a fanfic in German with the same characters, but a different story. This one is not a translation, I'm writing it from scratch in English, I don't even think in German whilst writing it. :-)
10th Squad 3rd Seat: I'm working at your corrections, thanks for them. :-) Glad you like it so far.
Alwaystherereading: egg-thingy is great, may I use that? XD Yes, it would heal faster, but it's not a vampire-style instant-healing. There is no strict statement about how fast it would happen, neither in the series nor in the 'official' wiki. I might say about twice as fast as in normal persons (without egg-thingy), but that's just my personal opinion.
Time-twilight: I've almost forgotten that episode. So: No, I won't do it. Just seen it once, and besides that, I found the end rather creepy, almost a bit disgusting. Say even I who love to read Stephen King.
