~revised~
Chapter XXII
Rose
She was sitting in the kitchen with her mum, having breakfast. She had slept in her room this night, only to wake up a few times to look out of the window if the TARDIS was still standing in the backyard.
She stirred her coffee and looked out of the window. She had told her mum about the parallel word, just left out the part with her dad. Or Pete, as he hadn't been her real dad.
"What's it, Rose?" Jackie asked her with a concerned tone. "There's more than you've told me, isn't there?"
Rose looked at her and slowly shook her head. "It's nothing, mum."
"Is it because of Mickey? I know you must miss him, dear. But he's fine, you told me. Maybe you will see him again, who knows?"
"It's not Mickey," Rose said quietly and turned her cup in her hands.
"It's the Doctor then? What has he done this time?" Jackie looked at her out of huge eyes. "Oh. You're not... Tell me, Rose. Are you...?"
"Mum!" She looked at her genuinely shocked.
"Alright, alright. But you would tell me, if...?"
"Mum, stop it! There's nothing like this to tell. Ever."
"What is it? I thought you and him... well.. were a bit more than friends?"
Rose rolled her eyes. Not a conversation she wanted to have at this time with her mum. "Obviously not. Not any more. Don't know."
"What happened? Oh, it's this strange, skinny, pale girl? She's still around?"
"Yeah, she is," she replied with a tone so jealous, that even Jackie noticed it.
"Oh. Well, he's a bloke after all. Might be alien, but still just some bloke."
"He's not just some bloke!"
"If you say so."
"Yeah, I do! You don't know him!"
"Well enough to not be surprised that he turns to the next woman he meets. He's a man, and they're all the same, no matter if they can change their faces or not."
"He's not just some man. And I've no idea what's it about her."
"Neither have I. She's really a bit too pale. She really should wear make up. And she's flat as a pancake."
Rose just looked at her, still a jealous expression on her face. "Yeah, she is. And she's annoying." Mira actually had curves, Rose had to admit. They just matched her overall slender frame. With her hair falling loose she looked a bit as if she had just jumped out of one of the Lord of the Rings movies, only the pointed ears were missing. Rose still thought Mira wasn't beautiful in a model sense of meaning, but she had something about her. It was the way she moved, smiled and looked at people. And it bothered her.
"Oh. But let me tell you one thing, Rose: Jealousy isn't very appealing. Not to any bloke, alien or not. A little bit is fine, but don't overdo it."
"What?" Rose said indignantly.
"Rose, sweetheart, I know you, I'm your mother. Just keep it down a bit, it's really not attractive. If you still want him. But you can have whoever you want. It doesn't have to be him. Someone not that alien maybe? Not that I would mind, but... And I surely won't mind if you'd stay here more often."
"But I want him."
"Well, then be a bit less jealous, or at least don't show it, be a bit more nice and pretend that she's not a threat to you at all." With that said, Jackie stood up and started to clear the table. Rose hurried to help her and then went to the bathroom to take a shower. Most likely her mum was right. She hadn't shown her best side in the last weeks, and her last, desperate action had gone horribly wrong and had hurt him in a way she really hadn't wanted to. Maybe it was time to change tactics and to try not to let these things bother her too much. It wouldn't be easy, but surely it was worth a try.
Doctor
He had asked Rose into the library after she had returned to the TARDIS. He really had to talk to her, delaying it any further would only make things worse. He hated these things, he really did. He always hoped that they would somehow resolve on their own, or they would remain in the status quo. Forever, if it was for him. But Mira was right, it wasn't fair towards Rose. And above all, Rose and Mira really had to stop fighting. Well, to be brutally honest, it had only been Rose fighting so far.
Rose was sitting opposite of him, watching him out of big, brown eyes.
"Rose...," he started, still not quite believing that he was really doing this, "We have to talk."
"About what?" she asked carefully. "Do you want me to leave? I thought we were good again..." Her voice trailed of and she looked at the floor.
"We are. And no, I don't want you to leave. It's just.. Remember what I said outside the chip-shop?"
She looked up at him again, still fear in her eyes. "Yeah, sure. You said you wouldn't leave me behind."
"And that's true. That's so true, Rose, but..." He struggled for words, looking around in the library and finally scratching his neck.
"But what?" she said in a thin voice.
"But.. Well. There's something else I said. I..." Oh good grief. That wasn't really him talking about his feelings right now? "Listen, I..." That had been all Mira´s idea. He would never do this on his own. At least he could blame it on her now if it went wrong.
"You said you can't spend your life with me," Rose said, her eyes turned to the floor again. "And I got it. It's okay."
"Rose... Well...I.. You know what, never mind," he said almost without realising that he was avoiding it again now. "Actually, it's just that...All this fighting..." He paused and looked at her in confusion as he finally got what she had just said. "What? It's okay?"
"Yeah. Well, it's not actually okay, but I guess I have to deal with it. Just... If there's something with her, then tell me, please." She looked back at him, visibly trying to keep her composure.
"What!?" He stared at her for a second, then rubbed his face with both hands and looked at her again. "Rose, leave Mira out of it. Between her and me is nothing."
"Okay."
"Okay?" he asked and eyed her sceptically. That was quite a change.
"Yeah, okay, I guess. Nothing I can do about it anyway."
"Good," he finally said and smiled slightly at her, even though he still doubted her change of heart. What was she up to now? That had been easy, too easy.
Right at this moment, the door opened and Mira walked in, carrying a mug of coffee, he could smell it instantly. She looked from him to Rose and back, before she murmured something that sounded like 'sorry', turned around and was about to walk out again.
"Mira, wait!", he called after her. Well, if they were about to put their cards on the table, then there was no reason for not doing it right. She turned around again and looked at him, somehow uncomfortable. She looked better than last night, he noticed, just a tiny bit pale and tired. Her hair was falling loose and it was a bit ruffled. He suddenly remembered how soft and silky it had felt and how good it had smelled of lavender and cloves. Not that overly artificial smell that other humans seemed to love so much when it came to shampoo and perfume.
"Sit down, please," he said and she sat down on a chair between him and Rose and he continued, "No more fighting. Is that clear? I really can't stand that. So please, stop it."
"So, there really is nothing between you both?" Rose asked anxiously and immediately closed her mouth as if she had said more than she wanted. Mira sighed and rolled her eyes.
"No. There is nothing and there will never be anything. If you got the impression, I'm very sorry for that, just as I told you back in the other universe. And if it's for me, yes, we really should stop all this fighting."
"Okay, maybe it's time for a new beginning," Rose said almost out of nowhere with a smile and looked at Mira. He raised an eyebrow and looked at them both. What was going on with Rose today? Mira glanced at her, a bit sceptical as well. Rose lowered her eyes after a few seconds.
"I'm good with it, Rose. New beginning," Mira said, nipped at her mug and put it on the table. "There's still coffee in the kitchen, by the way."
"Oh that's great, I only had one cup with my mum," Rose said, stood up and left the library almost in a hurry. He looked after her, even more confused.
"What's going on with her? Did she really mean it?" he wondered aloud.
"Well, I guess you have to ask her, if you want to know," Mira answered, somehow cold and distant.
"I've talked to her," he said. No change in her expression. "About the relationship thing." Well, at least he had tried it. Humans and their silly need to actually talk about everything. And they had talked, although it had went completely different than he had imagined it.
"Good."
"You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Say, do you have an observatory on this ship? And if you could provide me with any data you've gotten from that singularity, that would be really helpful."
"Helpful for what?"
"You know for what. I don't want to sit around and do nothing any longer, if I could instead actively search for a way home. I can only guess how good the sensors of the TARDIS must be."
"Yeah, and I told you, not only once, but at least twice, that the universes are sealed off. I´m really sorry, but there is no way back."
"And I told you I don't think so."
"Yeah. You think. Mira, and that's exactly what it is: Wishful thinking. You can't see the future because you're human! Humans can't do that, they can't see beyond time, no matter how psychic they are!"
"Do you have an observatory or not?" she asked again, all calm and professional.
He stared at her out of wide eyes for a moment. Seemed like Rose wasn't the only one having a change of heart. Mira almost seemed like a different person. "You want an observatory? Fine!"
He jumped up and left the library, hearing her steps behind him. He went through some corridors, down a lot of stairs and past the garden until they finally reached a dark, heavy, wooden door with metal hinges. It didn't look like it belonged on a space ship, more like into a medieval castle. He pushed it open. Behind it was a large, round room, the ceiling a huge glass-dome, which was so transparent that it looked like the room opened directly to space. In the middle of the room was an old telescope, even larger and more beautiful than the one at the Torchwood Estate. Of course it was so much more than an ordinary telescope, same for all the other, somehow antique devices that filled the room. The place was dimly lit by an invisible source. The walls, up to where the glass began, were covered in dark wood with carvings that resembled letters in old high Gallifreyan. A feint smell of dust and old wood filled the room. He took a few steps to let Mira enter the room behind him. The sound of her steps was swallowed by a thick, dark crimson carpet. He watched her as she looked around. Most certainly it was not the kind of observatory she had hoped for, and she wouldn't be able to work with it, at least not in the way she had wanted. But it was the only observatory in the TARDIS. Her face showed that she started to realise that herself. As she caught his gaze she turned her back on him and looked up to the glass-dome and at the darkness of space that spread beyond it, dotted with stars and nebulas that slowly drifted past with the rotation of the TARDIS.
He stepped next to her and looked at her from the side. "I'm sorry Mira, but there really is nothing to search for. If we're not ending up in your universe by accident, then there is no way back. There are no singularities any more. There have been, but they're gone." He was about to put an arm around her shoulders as he saw the forlorn expression on her face, but she evaded him and walked over to a table and leaned against it. He remained at his position and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Why can't you believe me?" she asked after she had eyed him for a moment. "Maybe humans in this universe can't see the future, but where I come from, there have been a few cases."
"Some have claimed they can. But they can't. It's just not possible. That's way beyond psychic"
"Yeah. Doesn't change that I have been right before. I'm living with this for over fifteen-hundred years now. So don't tell me what I can and can't do."
He sighed and shoved a hand through his hair. She was clutching at every straw, and he really couldn't blame her for that. He finally walked over to her and leaned against the table next to her, carefully avoiding to touch her because he feared she would walk away again.
"Confirmation bias. That's normal. You tend to remember the times you were right, and forget the times you weren't. That makes it seem like you have been right every time," he said softly to her, looking at her from the side. She also turned her head and met his eyes, brows arched and a slightly bitter smile around the corners of her mouth. "Humans just don't perceive time in that way. And no mutation of your brain can change that," he continued.
"Yeah. Sure. You know what? Basically you're right. We just don't see time in that way. To us, the past is gone, the future is to come and right now it's present. That's how our brains work. Hell, even I struggle more with travelling to the past than to the future from my point of view, my present, because I still have the feeling that the past is fixed and I might change it by accident, whilst the future is still somehow out in the open, although, from a scientific point of view, I know that's complete and utter bullshit. Excuse my language. We have theories that there are fixed and not so fixed points in the past and the future, that somehow everything is at once and yet it isn't, we can describe and calculate it, but we can't really comprehend it. And that's fine, because we are all part of this time and space continuum, and we move through it forwards. Without a time-machine, which we had at some point, that's the way it is, and it's completely fine. We shouldn't get glimpses of what's to come, because that goes against everything we are, even more than travelling faster than light or even to another universes. You are totally right when you say that's not how our brains are supposed to work. And it's scaring me. And frankly? If there would be anything I could change, than it would be that. Not the empathy-thing or anything else. I don't want to think about events to come and then, suddenly, know how they will work out. Without a chance to change it, because as soon as I know about it, it's fixed. Or even dream about places I haven't seen, knowing that there is something going to happen, but I just don't understand what it is. It has even worked in other parallel worlds so far, so you can tell me that I'm just imagining it as much as you want, you still won't be right."
Now he was completely dumbfounded, and not just because of the length of her speech. He shook his head in disbelief. That couldn't be. What she had said made sense, but there was no way this could be true. And, to be honest, it had been a really long time since anyone had disagreed with him like that about this particular topic. His very own domain. And there she was, looking at him in all certainty and even a bit stubbornly. Well, maybe a bit more stubbornly. And above all she was not only stating to be able to see the future, but she was also understanding the implications of it. Seeing things, even horrible things, and at the same time knowing that there was nothing that could be done.
"You dream of it?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah, rarely, but it happens."
"What are these dreams like?"
"Well...," she sighed. "Like dreams tend to be. But they're weird. It's normally about places I've never seen before, and then, a while later, I somehow come to visit them. And there's something happening there in these dreams, but I can't understand it. It's only weird colours and shapes, so strange I don't even have words and names for them."
He eyed her closely. Well, not only eyed her with his eyes, but also with his other senses, and right away he felt the psychic barrier around her again, as strong as back at the sickbay after K9 had blown up the school. As if all of a sudden she was determined to keep him at a distance. But why?
Her dreaming of places she had never been to was quite disturbing in itself. And seeing things she didn't even had a name for was even more disturbing. That couldn't be. She was human, without a doubt. Or...
"Have you ever possessed a fob-watch?" He wasn't quite sure why he asked it. There was no way. She wasn't even from this universe. And even if he was right, then she wouldn't know anything about time and certainly wouldn't be able to sense it. She would be completely human. But it wasn't entirely impossible. If she had been in this other universe all the time, then maybe she had survived, and if she had stayed like that for all these centuries, maybe some things crept through... He didn't dare to continue this thought.
"What?" she asked and looked at him with surprise and a hint of anger in her face.
"Did you ever have a fob-wa-"
"I understood you perfectly. But what's it now about watches?"
"Fob-watches. Did you ever have one?" he tried it once more, staring at her intensely now.
"No! I've never possessed a dammed fob-watch!"
"Sure?" He hadn't really expected it. She knew the date when she was born, maybe she even knew her parents. And yet, she was missing some time in between, she had said. Who was she? He thought he knew quite a lot about her by now, and yet, all of a sudden, he didn't seem to know her at all. What was she hiding?
"Yes! A hundred percent sure. I'm not even sure if I've ever seen one for real. I've hardly possessed any watches in my life, besides the ones in our comm-devices. I'm the mere definition of a watch-less person. For all planets, why?"
"Oh, just asking..."
"Great! You know what? I don't have to listen to this any more. Believe me or not, help me or not, change topic when you feel like you can't win, I don't care. I'm completely fine with being on my own." She pushed herself away from the table and headed for the door without looking at him once more.
"Mira, wait."
She turned around and stared at him, arms crossed.
"I'm sure she's already doing it, but I can configure the scanners of the TARDIS to look out for any anomaly. But as said, she normally does that on her own," he said, returning to their original topic.
"Thanks," she said after she had taken a deep breath. "And maybe she should stay clear of black-holes for some time. I don't think we can actually prevent whatever is to come, but we can still try, can't we?"
"What!?" But she was already out of the door. What was that now? Black-holes? Another foreshadowing? Well, if that was the case, he should be able to see it. Problem was, there were so many timelines, so many possibilities of what might be, what must be and what couldn't be. It was way easier to start from one single point and then try to figure out what she had meant with any black-holes out there. His perception wasn't selective in any way, not as hers seemed to be. If there was something behind it, something he had still doubts about.
Mira
She was just out of the door as she noticed that she hadn't paid attention to the way down here. Down? At least she had had the feeling of walking down, but they seemed to somehow be at the top of his ship, judging from the glass-dome. But turning around and asking him? No way. She would find the way somehow, somewhen, back to either her room or the console room. Just at this moment the door behind her burst open and the Doctor came running out.
"What did you just say about black-holes?"
She turned around and looked at him. "Doesn't matter."
"Why?"
"You don't believe me, that's why." She had dreamed of one this night, after the dream about the Cybermen. It had been one of those dreams. She hadn't dreamed of any details, there had just been these images of a black-hole and foreign, yet familiar corridors in her mind. Of course she knew there was no point in trying to change anything now, as she had just tried to explain it to the Doctor. She saw only things which had happened already so whatever was about to happen was already set.
"Oh come on!" he whined. "What's it with black-holes? Besides, you just said you don't care if I believe you or not. So you can just as well tell me."
She looked at him as he stood in front of her, literally vibrating with energy and making no effort at all to conceal his curiosity. Even his hair was now ruffled and standing away from his head in any direction. It almost seemed as if it had a life of its own in some way. All in all it made her almost smile. She couldn't be mad at him. Not really. He was indeed infuriating, but right now she was filled more by frustration. Frustration about this whole situation, and about him so outright negating her perception. And by his weird jumps in topics. Fob-watches. All right. Aliens. Who could possibly predict what was going on in his head. And she had already gotten glimpses of just how alien he was, despite him looking human. But nevertheless, the way he had looked at her as he had asked about this topic had made her almost shiver.
"I dreamed about one tonight," she said and started to walk along the corridor. "So we might bump into one sooner or later. Well, not literally, I hope. But anyway, if we get near one, we should be really careful. Although, as said, normally it's already determined what will happen. No way around it."
"So you really believe you can see the future?"
"Oh hell. How often will you ask me this? There have been others, you know. Someone in particular. He could sense the change in cosmic force fields and predict whenever there was something important about to happen. He couldn't tell any details, but he knew there was something going on. It was completely scientifically proven." Once more she wondered what had happened to the young Bjo after he had stayed on the SOL. He was certainly long dead by now. As so many people she had known over the years.
"Well, that's a bit different. And by a bit, I mean, like the difference between learning how to build a time-machine and operating it and actually understanding what you're doing and how it works," he said. "Well, no, that actually was a bad comparison. But sensing cosmic force fields has nothing to do with seeing time."
"I never said I can see time."
"You did. Not literally. What you're friend was able to do was most likely sensing the spin of certain particles. They all influence each other and transfer their information over very long distances, all the way through the universe. It's a bit similar to artron energy. But in a way completely different, because-"
"Hyper-particles, that's how we call them."
He looked at her bewildered.
"I said it's scientifically proven," she said.
"Anyway. That's just sensing particles, fields, just as birds sense the magnetic field of the Earth. That has nothing to do with sensing time itself. You just said it, he couldn't say what was about to happen. Just sense the first waves of these events, so to speak, which form long before it actually happens. Well, to be precise, when it happens, but you humans are still not aware of it by this time."
He had a point there, she had to admit that. "Fine. Maybe it's not the same. Nevertheless, fifteen-hundred years of prove is enough for me. By the way, you don't ever give up when you think you're right, do you?"
"Neither do you," he said after a small pause. She turned her head to him and caught his gaze. One of these gazes. It made her heart jump and her stomach feel strangely light all of a sudden. And her head spin with realisation.
Oh no.
That was so not a good time and place. Not that she didn't know how to deal with her feelings, but... No. Just no. Not now. Not him. Not here.
"So, what else is there about you?" she heard him say.
"What do you mean?" she asked, slightly alarmed.
"Don't know. How did you end up with the military, for example?"
"I just grew into it somehow," she shrugged. At least that was an easier topic than trying to convince him that she could sense future events. "Believe it or not, there was a time when I considered myself a pacifist. I even lived in a hippie commune for a short while. And I was convinced I would never join any organisation that's even remotely connected to military or civil service or the state as such. I was an anarchist pretty much. Still am, sort of. I don't like being told what to do."
"What happened?"
"Not that much, actually. It was back in the days of the Solar Empire. My father was the head of state for all its fourteen hundred and seventy years of existence. Repeatedly by election, mind you."
"Your father?" he asked, suddenly a strange tone in his voice.
"Yeah. He's also immortal, like me. Anyway. With him being in that position, and me being a mutant, well, there was this mutant-corps, and eventually I joined it. It's not that bad, and not just all military as the military was on Earth back in the old days before space-travel. Besides, for me it was more a formality than anything else. I hardly obeyed any rules, got demoted, promoted, I even resigned a few times."
"And what happened to the pacifism?"
"I lost it somewhere on the way, I guess." She sighed. She still tried to find a peaceful solution wherever possible. But she had learned the hard way that that wasn't always possible. "There was a day when I finally had to decide if I go on hiding behind my ideals, or stand up and fight for them, even if it means betraying them," she said quietly. And what a day that had been. Well, actually she had made that decision some time before that particular day, but that was clearly nothing she would tell him or anyone else here. It was enough that she had to live with it. "Someone once said it's easier to die for your ideals than to live with them. Because that means you have to question them and maybe even act against them."
"There was a war?" It was more a statement than a question.
She looked at him. They were still walking through the TARDIS, and right now she had no idea where they were and if they were walking the same way as before. "Yeah." Well, that at least she could tell him. "A genetically engineered species, who had sworn to annihilate everyone who had the means to alter their timeline and thus prevent their existence attacked us with their fleet of almost invincible, living space ships."
"But your lot won?"
"Yes. I wouldn't call it a victory though. At least all the people who lost their lives that day wouldn't call it that. Nine-thousand of their ships against almost hundred-thousand of ours and our Allies' ships. We managed to drive them off, but ultimately, we lost. We lost almost everything. They attacked every planet in the Solar System. They destroyed all our industry, our scientific facilities, almost our entire fleet and all major cities. Even Terrania. One of the greatest and most beautiful cities humanity had built by that day. It had been there for over four-hundred years. Gone within hours. Two billion people died alone on Earth that day. The Empire itself almost fell apart after that, because the Solar System and the Fleet had always been the heart of it. With them almost obliterated, the human colonies on the other planets unaffected by the attack saw there chance and took it." She shrugged. Their own colonies acting against them in that time of need had almost been as bad as the attack itself. "There clearly was no way to work it out peacefully by just talking to that species," she continued. "Not that we didn't try. We never had the intention to change their timeline. They wouldn't listen. At the day of the attack they even shot down our evacuation ships as soon as they reached orbit," she said bitterly. "They wanted to kill every last one of us." She could remember it as if it had been yesterday. Remember the exploding ships, remember walking through the ruins of the city that had become her home. Of course it hadn't been the only situation like that in the history of the galaxy and mankind, but it was the first time she herself had witnessed how fast everything she had taken for granted could be destroyed. And it had hit Earth, the very heart of mankind. She met his eyes once more. There was so much understanding and also a deep grief in them. At least mankind had made it. It had taken time, but they had recovered. Not like his people. Although he hadn't actually said it yet, she was sure it must have been a war. But how could he be the only one to survive? "Anyway," she shrugged. "It's been over seventeen-hundred years ago."
"Seventeen-hundred? How does that work out?"
"As said, I've lost a few years here and there," she said, trying to make it sound lightly. They walked up a stair that looked suspiciously familiar and right into the console room.
"So!" he exclaimed so suddenly that it almost made her jump. "Where to next?" He was fiddling with the console and beaming at her, as if he was a completely different person now, leaving her utterly confused. Was that his way to avoid what she wanted to ask next? What really happened to his people? Well, who could tell.
"To the library. My coffee is still there."
"It's cold now!"
"Yup, cold coffee. Story of my life," she said and and left the console room.
A bit backgroundstory and talking in this chapter. It was supposed to be a shorter one, but well...;D
heroherondaletotheresuce, bored411, 10th Squad 3rd Seat, alwaystherereading: Thanks for reviewing. :-)
