~revised~
Chapter XXVII
Mira
They had made it. She almost couldn't believe it, but they had actually made it. As soon as they had told Henderson the reason for the power outages he had sent some men down to the basement and immediately moved the whole operation over to Firing Room I. There just wasn't enough time left to put everything in the other room back together. The Doctor had murmured something about that it had always been Firing Room I, wondering how he had come up with Room II and had looked at her with one of his inscrutable looks, but, of course, she hadn't had an answer for him.
It had been a busy day with the last preparations for the launch, and Rose had overslept most of it on a couch in the Control Center. Mira herself had been at the Launch Area, trying to stay out of the way and at the same time not missing anything. And avoiding the Doctor. After the talk they had had last night she thought it would be better that way. She knew exactly how inconsistent her behaviour towards him was, and she hated it. Like a teenager who was in love for the first time. Not that she was in love. She might have a little crush, but that was it.
Anyway, she had managed to stay away from him for most of the time. At first everyone working in the firing room had expected her to get coffee and apart from that to look nice and keep her mouth shut – she had almost forgotten how it had been at this time for a woman. Easy work was fine, meaning no brains involved. Basically women had only tried to find a husband at work, and quit as soon as that had happened. But then she had told them a bit about rocket science and physics, causing their jars to drop and then no one had ever asked her to get coffee again.
Rose came to the Launch Area in the evening with the Doctor, but the poor girl wasn't interested at all in all the preparations and bored herself to death. But she didn't show it, listening to the Doctor's explanations with dedication.
Now, at the morning of the next day, they were on a VIP tribune to watch the launch. They could have stayed in the Firing Room, but she had wanted to watch it from outside, for the sound and everything. The Doctor had followed her, and so did, of course, Rose. The girl looked a bit ruffled by now, although they had had a shower at the Control Center and the Doctor had even produced a comp out of the depth of the pockets of his coat.
The launch was scheduled for 09:32 am local time. Now it was nine o'clock in the morning, the Service Structure had already been removed and was standing halfway between the Launch Pad and the Assembly Building. Every major step was announced via speakers, and on a huge board was a digital display counting down. T-26 minutes.
She took a look around herself. Everybody was over the moon, so to speak, and one didn't need to be an empath to notice that. For her it was just overwhelming. It was just as it had been in her universe. Of course, back then she hadn't known that she was psychic, but she had gotten lost in this mood just as she dived into it right now. The Doctor was explaining something to Rose, standing a few feet away. She closed her eyes and took it in. It was amazing. Suddenly, she felt an arm around her shoulders and her eyes shot open. It was the Doctor, who else.
"Isn't that great?" he said and smiled manically at her. Rose was standing next to him, and her look told her enough.
"Yeah, it is," she said and reluctantly stepped away, out of his one-armed embrace. She scratched over her arm, although the mosquito bites were almost gone by now, thanks to her cell-activator. Then she turned her attention to the other people, giving the Doctor and Rose a bit more time together. Even though she didn't see that they would ever become a couple as Rose obviously still hoped, she still believed Rose deserved being around him. There obviously was something between them, something originating from their adventures, that meant a lot to both of them.
…
"Twenty seconds and counting. T minus 15 seconds, guidance is internal. 12, 11, 10, 9, ignition sequence starts...," announced the voice over the speakers. All eyes were on the rocket now. She couldn't help herself but had to grin like a Cheshire cat. It was about to happen, finally. Sure, things could still go wrong till the very last second and even beyond that. It was a rocket launch after all. And fully fuelled rockets exploding had been amongst the biggest, non-nuclear, man-made explosions back in those days. There were so many moving parts. Material stretched to its physical limits. Even firing a rocket engine wasn't as easy as one might think, and there were five of them which had to be started within not even a second of each other. The Doctor had assured them that all was fine now, but still...
But it looked like it all would go well. The engines fired. Flames shot out under the rocket. At first it happened in utter silence. It was an inferno of flames. And of dark smoke, engulfing the vehicle completely within seconds. Finally, when the countdown reached zero, it lifted off. At least that was what was announced, the sight was still obscured by glowing clouds of smoke and fire. Finally they could also hear the sound – it had taken some seconds to travel the way to the tribune. It was infernal, reverberating in every fibre of her body. Then, finally, the rocket emerged the cloud. It was a majestic sight as the white, massive and yet slender vehicle was rising into the blue sky on a trail of flames. The deep, thundering sound of the engines got overlain with the characteristic crackling and popping sound that was produced as the hypersonic exhaust mixed with the ambient air. The Doctor had been right, she was used to the sight of something lifting off into space, but this was different. And she was still able to see the beauty in it, even after all these years. There was something primal to it, even though it was the height of engineering. The raw power of rocket motors never failed to amaze her. The people around her cheered and applauded, and she could do nothing but watch, knowing exactly what it meant to them, feeling tears of joy in her eyes. The loud sonic boom about a minute after launch made her startle, although she had expected it. Suddenly she found herself hugged again, lifted off her feet, turned around and placed on the ground again. Oh hell, he really was enthusiastic about it.
"Your lot is brilliant! Brilliant!" he said with a big grin that she had to return, blinking the tears away. Even Rose was seemingly excited now. Well, who couldn't be?
...
About fifteen minutes later, as Apollo 11 had reached orbit, the Doctor took Rose and her by the hand and they walked the long way back to the TARDIS. He didn't bother to say goodbye to anyone. She didn't ask why, and, apart from that, the people here were busy enough right now.
Back in the old time ship they ate something in the kitchen and then Rose and Mira said good night to the Doctor, although it wasn't even noon outside. Not that this would matter, the TARDIS was in flight again, and she had hardly taken the natural rhythm of day and night into account for ages now. She was tired, and she had time to sleep, so she would sleep. Well, she had been tired until she had showered, removed all the make-up from her face and washed her hair.
As she was finally laying in her bed she suddenly couldn't even keep her eyes closed. The fact that she couldn't get the last days out of her mind didn't help either. It hadn't been as bad as she had dreaded it, but it had left her strangely agitated and it had intensified the feeling of being lost and misplaced. This feeling was creeping, along with other rather unpleasant feelings, behind the edges of her mind, waiting to strike when the time was right. And then there was him. Now she knew what had happened to his people. Well, not really. At least she knew that her assumptions had been right. But how could he be the only survivor? She still didn't know what had really happened. Did the species that had attacked them still exist? Were they after him? And above all it was her own behaviour towards him that bothered her. Oh well, not that it was completely her fault. He just couldn't leave her alone, could he? And she honestly doubted that he ever would as long as she was staying with him. Even though she had decided to stay, it hadn't become any easier. Not with him and not with Rose. But she wouldn't leave. Not now. She had made up her mind. Plus, there was nowhere to go for her. So, unless he asked her to leave, Rose would have to live with her.
She sighed and looked at the clock. One hour. She had been turning from side to side for a whole hour. She sat up, turned on the light and stretched her neck. Yoga would be the thing to do now, good for her neck and maybe help her sleep. But she was in absolutely no mood for it, so she decided to take a walk. The TARDIS was huge enough, and maybe she was able to find the observatory again. Look a bit at the stars. And avoid to bump into the Doctor, who would surely be in the library or the console room. Did he even have a room for himself? He really didn't seem to sleep that much.
Not five minutes later she stood in the corridor, dressed in a black shirt and black trousers, wrapped in a knitted black cardigan. She was thinking for a moment, then headed for the library. A book would be nice, and maybe he wasn't there. As she stood in front of the door, she listened for a moment, but there was no sound. She opened the door cautiously. The library was empty, at least as far she could see. Quickly she stepped in and browsed the shelves. She had no idea what she wanted to read, just something to distract her a bit. No Lovecraft right now. Right at this moment, a book fell out of the shelf above her. It hit her on the head, not that hard, and she caught it before it could continue its way to the ground. She looked around, rubbing her head, but there was no one there, and the shelf had a back wall. There was no way the book could have just fallen out of there on it's own. She looked at the title.
The last Unicorn – Peter S. Beagle
One of her favourite stories. She could almost recite it, but that didn't stop her from reading it again from time to time.
"Thanks," she murmured. Most likely it had been the TARDIS. She was used by now that the old time-ship always was in her mind and sometimes she did things like that. "Now you could tell me where the observatory is." No answer. Of course. Well, she had to search for it on her own then, hopefully without getting lost. Although she doubted that that was possible, with the TARDIS knowing everything about her passengers. "You will give me a hint before I starve to death or something like that, won't you?" She had the distinct feeling that the TARDIS liked her, besides the not so good start they'd had.
She left the library and headed in a direction that let away from the console room, at least that was what she thought. And finally, after she had felt a gentle tugging on her mind whenever she stood at a junction, she reached the observatory. No one was there, and she sat down on a couch at the rear end of the room. It was a huge, comfortable sofa with a corner and a high back, upholstered with dark blue, soft, velvet-like fabric. There even was a plaid in a blue colour just like the TARDIS on the outside, and she wrapped herself in it after she had taken off her shoes. Then she looked up to the universe that spread above her head. The dome was so clear and bare of any reflections that it almost didn't seem to exist, making her feel like floating in space. It was a beautiful sight, but it also made her realise once more that it wasn't her universe. It didn't feel like hers. It felt shifted, wrong, and almost as if repelling her. Well, that last part was probably just in her mind, but nevertheless, it reminded her that she wasn't a part of it. She shuddered and opened the book, just staring at the first page and savouring the peace and silence down here. Or up here. Who could say that in a ship like the TARDIS. She was at page five as the door opened slowly and the Doctor peered into the observatory. Oh good lord, no hiding on this ship, she thought.
"Here you are!" he said and smiled at her.
"Yeah," she said and closed the book. "Do you have something to do here? Shall I go?"
"What? What should I have to do?"
"I don't know?"
"Nah, nothing to do. Just wanted to check on you. I thought you wanted to sleep," he replied, walked over to her and collapsed on the couch next to her, right in the corner, stretching his legs out on the couch.
Yeah, sure, she thought. And that's why you were searching for me all over the ship?
Wait. Did he really have to search? She mentally thanked the TARDIS with a distinctively sarcastic tone. The response – a feeling of amusement in her mind – followed swiftly.
"Yes, I wanted to sleep. Didn't work out as planned, obviously," she answered and hardly suppressed a yawn.
"Why?" he simply asked, looking at her as if suddenly nothing else was important, sending chills down her spine.
"How should I know? Humans just can't sleep sometimes. Simple as that."
"Yeah, and mostly there's a reason for it. What are you reading?" He grabbed the book, which was lying on here knees, and looked at it. "Oh. That's beautiful. I've read it... Oh, a lot of times. Not as often as Shakespeare, though."
"You haven't read all the books in your library, have you?" she asked, closed her eyes and stretched herself, producing a nasty cracking sound from her neck. Not that the last days had been that exhausting, but they had been long nevertheless.
"Yup," he answered.
Suddenly she almost jumped and then stiffened as she felt slightly cool hands at the back of her neck. Pleasantly cool, not the nasty cold that came with low blood pressure in humans. Her eyes shot open and she stared at the Doctor, who stared back, probably as bewildered by her reaction as she was from the sudden touch.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you. Just wanted to massage your neck," he said and lowered his hands.
She looked back and forth between his face and his hands. Gorgeous hands with beautiful, long and slender fingers. "No, it's fine...," she heard herself say without being aware of what she'd just said.
Intentions, anyone?
She couldn't even say why her self-control completely went to hell every time she was around him. She normally had quite a lot of it, but with him it tended to melt away like snow in the sun.
It was something in his presence, something that surrounded him that made him feel so incredibly familiar, she suddenly realised. Being close to him was touching parts of her soul that had been lonely for too long by now. She couldn't say what exactly that was, maybe it had to do with the psychic abilities they were both possessing. She wondered how it was for him. On one hand she was still bothered by the fact that she couldn't get any of his feelings, on the other hand it was incredibly relaxing to be with someone who didn't shower her in emotions she had to deal with in addition to her own.
He gestured her to turn her back to him. She did so and put her hair to the side, and he moved a bit closer. For a moment she wondered how much he knew about human anatomy and how similar or different it was to his own, when it came to bone-structure and muscles, because clearly at least his internal organs were different, for he had two hearts. And his body temperature seemed to be a bit lower. The few times they were hugging or he was standing really close to her, she had felt that his breath had been surprisingly cold against her skin. In her universe even the Arkons, with whom they shared common ancestors, were different to humans, their ribcage forming an almost plate-like structure for example, not single ribs as in humans. So exactly how different was he?
Every doubt she might have had about his knowledge of human anatomy vanished as he began to gently knead the stiff muscles of her neck and shoulders, after pulling down her cardigan a bit. It was just perfect. Not too firm, but with enough pressure to actually loosen her muscles.
"Could you put that off for a moment?" he asked and tugged at the silver chain that held her pendant. She reached up and behind her neck, feeling for the almost invisible clasp and pulled at it as she had found it. She hadn't figure out by now how it worked, because pulling at the chain itself didn't open it. Maybe it was about pulling at the right spot or about the intention in her mind to actually open it. As she held it in her hand, he continued, stroking along the vertebrae in her neck with light pressure. She closed her eyes for a moment and almost sighed. She could let him do that for hours. At least this time Mickey won't bump in. But...
"Where's Rose?" she asked softly, opened her eyes again and peered over to the door.
"Why?" he asked, his voice surprisingly close.
"Well, would be a tiny bit suboptimal if she came in right now."
"Why? I'm just massaging your neck."
"Yeah. Remember Mickey? We were just hugging. Wonder how he's doing now..."
"Fine, I guess. He's Mickey, after all. And Rose is sleeping," he said after a short pause. "Besides, I doubt she knows about the observatory."
"Sure?"
"Yes. She just told me that she's sleeping in her room."
"The TARDIS told you?" Well, that had just confirmed her suspicion about the old ship telling him about the whereabouts of her passengers.
"Yup."
She winced as he reached a particularly painful spot at her right shoulder, next to her spine.
"You're almost constantly pulling your right shoulder up," he said. "Just slightly, but you do."
"Yeah, I know. Doing this for a long time now. Gets worse when I haven't slept for a while."
"Maybe you humans aren't made for staying up that long?"
"Maybe. But we're also not made for travelling through space. Otherwise we would be able to survive the vacuum and the temperatures out there."
She could hear him chuckle behind her back. Then he stopped for a moment as he touched a spot on her right shoulder, just between her shoulder blade and the shoulder joint, then pulled the collar of her shirt to the side. "What's that?" he asked and she could feel his fingers stroking over this spot. He really had to touch everything. Well, she could always ruffle his hair in return.
"A scar?"
"Oh, really? Would have never guessed that. Hm. It almost looks like..." He leaned closer and suddenly his head was next to hers as he peered over her shoulder to look for the round scar on the opposite side, not without pulling at her shirt again.
"Hey, would you mind?" She turned her head only to look directly into his dark, endless eyes.
"Sorry," he said instantly with a guilty look on his face and pulled the shirt carefully back into place. "What happened? Did someone stab you? No, looks more like some sort of..."
"... Arrow," she finished his sentence.
"Ow," he said and pulled a face.
"Yes. Although, I have to say, pulling it out was worse than being shot. You probably can imagine the medical conditions at a place where they shoot at each other with arrows."
"You have a habit of putting yourself in danger, haven't you?"
"I've done my best to avoid arrows ever since," she replied with all possible dignity and a lop-sided grin. "So, what's your relationship with her? I mean, the TARDIS. It seems almost symbiotic. If you don't mind me asking," she decided to change the topic, before she had to do any further explaining about the scar and why it was still there, although it would have been easy to remove it. Besides, she really found it interesting what was with him and his ship.
Doctor
He was kneading the muscles in her left shoulder as he was thinking about an answer. Not thinking about to answer at all, only how to get to the point. It was strange. For once, the mood between them was serene and peaceful, not as if walking over a minefield or teasing each other. Not that he didn't like all that teasing and challenging somehow, it was nice to have someone who not only hit back at him – figuratively of course - but also had her own opinions about topics he could hardly discuss with humans. Not only was the science where she came from incredibly advanced, but she also had a certain grasp of the science around time and time-travel. Even though she stated it to be only her personal belief without any hard prove, it still startled him every time he heard her talking about it.
But right now, they were actually just talking. No meaningless small talk, but being as far from fighting as possible. In fact, there suddenly was some sort of a deeper understanding between them. It was not yet telepathic, but it definitely went beyond just sitting together and talking. Plus, he couldn't feel her psychic shields. If it was deliberate or if she was just too exhausted from making contact with the plant, he couldn't tell.
We have to plant one of its seeds tomorrow, he remembered. He wasn't one for breaking a promise.
"It is symbiotic, sort of," he eventually said. "It's not like we can't live without each other, but we are linked. Physically linked. There's something called symbiotic nucleus, specific to Timelords. It's needed to form a symbiotic link with a TARDIS."
"Are you born with this nucleus? Or what exactly is this?"
"That's a long story," he said and smiled softly. "But no, it's not there from the beginning. But without it you can't operate a TARDIS." He rested his hands now on her shoulders, leaning back into the corner of the couch, pulling her backwards with him. She followed his movement and came to lay in his arms. He was surprised for a moment that she didn't protest. Probably she didn't complain because it had occurred to her as naturally as it had to him at this moment. She just freed her arms to put on her necklace, before leaning against him again.
"You're linked to one specific TARDIS?"
"Yeah. They choose us. Although, in this case, I've borrowed her."
"Oh, borrowed. I see... So, this is a very close connection, isn't it? I mean, she is definitely quite attached to you."
"You can say so. She's been a part of me for a very long time now. And now that we're the only ones left in this universe from my people... I feel her, always. She's in my mind. I mean, we're not actually talking to each other. She's sentient, but not in a way you might think, although she definitely has a mind of her own. It's more like..."
"An emotional connection," she replied. "Closeness to someone doesn't always need words. Maybe it's actually the opposite. The closer you are, the less words are needed. Just the feeling of not being alone, of being connected to someone," she said softly.
"Yes.. I guess that's what it is."
"That's really amazing."
"Do you think so? It doesn't bother you? Most humans find it weird..."
"Why should it bother me? I really think it's wonderful. I mean, I can feel her too, if only just a little bit. And she threw a book at me." She waved with the book.
"Really? Well, she does things like that when she likes someone."
"I just wonder that Rose is not jealous of her. I mean, this connection between you and the TARDIS sounds pretty... intimate to me. Something that she could never have with you. It basically goes against everything your average human wants if they're in love with someone. Like exclusiveness."
And there she had surprised him again. Not beating around the bush, just talking about those things as if she did nothing else the whole day. He considered it for a moment. Rose jealous of the TARDIS? Not a pleasant thought. "She doesn't really know about it, I guess. I've never told her," replied.
"Oh."
They remained silent for a while. It was true, he hadn't told her. Actually, there was a lot he hadn't told her. Not because he wanted to keep it from her deliberately, but because she wouldn't understand. It would have been pointless. Rose was great when they were on some foreign planet and about to save the day, but when it came to these sort of things, or anything else connected with science, she lost interest rather quickly. She was trying, he could tell, but she just wasn't into it. Maybe she really was too young. Despite the impression he might have given to Mira, he actually had thought a lot about Rose and his relationship to her lately. He had realised that he probably had projected a lot of things into it, into Rose, that had never been and never would be there. Maybe he just had spent too much time amongst humans and had given in to the illusion that he could get close to them in the way Rose wanted to. But it had been exactly that: An illusion. He couldn't give her what she wanted and deserved, neither could she give him what he wanted. They were too different, a fact that humans seemed to forget every now and then. He might look like them, but he was as far from being human as anyone could be.
He finally grabbed the book that was lying on her lap.
"Where were you?"
"What? Why?"
"Oh, I was just thinking that a little reading out loud might help you to sleep."
"Really?" she said and he could here the smile in her voice.
"Yeah, why not? And don't say you're too old for this."
"Oh well, fine. Yet I don't think it'll work. Read whatever part you like, I've read the book quite a few times, so I know it inside out."
He opened it at chapter three, just where the Unicorn was trapped in the cage at the Midnight Carnival and Schmendrick the Magician came back at night to free her. That part about seeing – or more likely – not seeing others for what they really are. He had hardly read three pages when her head sunk heavy against his chest and her breathing became calm and deep, indicating that she had fallen asleep. He put the book aside and laid his arms around her. He considered for a moment to lift her up and carry her to her room, but she would just wake up. Besides, rather unusual for his manic self, the thought of sitting here with her like that for a few hours didn't bother him that much. Even he was longing from time to time for some peace of mind, and it was right now that he realised how much he had missed it. Right at this moment, sitting in the TARDIS, holding her warm body in his arms and listening to her soft breathing and the slow beating of her single, human heart, the universe slowly turning with the spin of the TARDIS above his head. He only regretted that he couldn't see her face as he placed a gentle kiss on the crown of her head.
AxidentlGoddess, Lucifae, Wicken25, 10th Squad 3rd Seat, heroherondaletotherescue and bored411: Thanks for the reviews :-)
