On Her Own
Dear Elsa,
The Ruler of the Seven Kingdoms sent me an order to travel to King's Landing and bend the knee. I'm not sure what sort of thing they're into over that, but I think I ought to send them a reply telling them to go shove it. I mean, besides not even knowing them…I'm engaged. How rude to send such an explicit message to an engaged person! What's the best, most diplomatic way to tell them I most certainly will not be doing that? (See attached for a copy of the missive).
I was already writing this when I got your letter. On your question…I admit I'm not really sure what to tell you. Based on your description it's probably just a friend thing, but I wasn't there. I don't know if you two had special eye contact or anything that might make it otherwise. Just go with your gut. You'll be fine.
Anna
Elsa precisely did not want to rely on her gut. She had no idea what her gut was telling her. Or if it were telling her something, it might be lying. Was it telling her something? Elsa could see her own breath. Looking up, she saw that she had completely frozen the entire inside of her tent. She hoped no spikes had poked through to the outside.
Rubbing her temples, Elsa decided there was simply no dealing with the situation and she would pretend it didn't exist. Actually, if it didn't exist, she wouldn't be pretending. She would be acting accordingly. Was that right? Groaning aloud, Elsa read the attached missive and tried to put her mind toward helping Anna instead.
She grabbed a pen and began to write: First of all, bending the knee is not a euphemism for what you are thinking. It is a way of demanding fealty from what the Ruler of the Seven Kingdoms believes is a subservient territory. Hopefully this isn't a precursor to war if you deny it, but I recommend stating that in no uncertain terms will they be adding yours as an Eighth Kingdom to their realm. It is rude, but for a different reason than you were thinking. If they press further you should consider increasing the—
"Hey, everything all right in here?" Honeymaren's voice came from the doorway of the tent and this time, Elsa was certain she sent ice spikes shooting through the tent in all directions. Without waiting for reply, Honeymaren stepped inside to find Elsa clutching a letter to her chest with a horrified expression.
"Oh, it's you." Elsa laughed nervously, trying to pretend she wasn't so started exactly because it was Honeymaren. She closed her eyes and tamed the ice, making sure it sublimated directly into mist rather than soak the both of them.
"Just me." Honeymaren sat down beside her. Elsa could feel the heat of her even though she was seated a respectable distance. A friendly distance. "Letter from Anna? Is there trouble back home?"
"Hopefully avoidable," Elsa said.
"But possibly bad?"
"Very possibly, yes," Elsa said. "I am concerned, but I think Anna will handle it beautifully as always."
"You left Arendelle in good hands," Honeymaren said. "Are you sure that's all that's worrying you? I mean, I don't know you very well yet, but it seems like you have more on your mind."
Yes, I have very bad social anxiety and am having impure thoughts about a woman who may not even like other women so now I am also afraid I may be a pervert on top of being an absolute interpersonal disaster. Elsa considered briefly if it would be better to simply speak the truth aloud. Even more than rejection, she feared she wasn't ready to show that part of herself to the world. What if Honeymaren not only held no interest in her, but also told someone of Elsa's clumsy overtures and the whole tribe learned about Elsa's amorous desires.
They probably wouldn't treat her any differently. Elsa was already an oddity as the Fifth Spirit, and she was used to stares and whispers. Homosexuality was not the kind of thing which would dramatically change how the world perceived her. It was more that she simply did not want her business widely known. She was not the kind to sing for want of love or want of a more carnal nature. She was ambitious, brave, and completely happy to be only herself.
Happy to be herself. Yes, she should be happy to just be herself, especially in this. So she asked herself what she wanted to do? Was she strong enough to endure the worst case scenario? Where everyone knew? If it didn't matter, why should she let it hold her back?
"You've been acting…weirder than usual, lately," Honeymaren said.
"Am I usually weird?" Elsa asked.
"Yes. In a cute way," Honeymaren said.
"I'm…cute?" Did that mean Honeymaren's like of her expanded beyond the platonic?
"Yeah," Honeymaren said. "When you're using you're magic you are just wild, and amazing. You're a force of nature. Then, when you try talking to another human being, you are so shy and awkward. It's cute, how you forget how powerful you are when you do little things."
"Little things are harder," Elsa said, biting her lip. "I…I have to ask you something."
"Is it my opinion on affairs of state?" Honeymaren asked.
"No. Not that I wouldn't enjoy talking to you about it. I would enjoy talking to you about almost anything. This is one of those little things that I do very badly at and I am not entirely sure what I'm doing or if I should be doing it or…what? Why are you looking at me like that?" Elsa asked.
"Nothing. It's just…you're doing it again." Honeymaren gestured. Elsa had refrozen the tent, along with twice as many spikes. Her home was now more ice than fabric and she would probably have to get a new one. "Am I making you nervous? I can go." The doorway froze over, sealing the exit. "Or…not."
"It's not you. I mean it is, but it's not your fault. I…I am so, so bad at this," Elsa said.
"It's all right," Honeymaren took her hand in hers. "Just talk to me. Is this about the crush you have on my brother?"
No! Not even slightly. Not a little bit. Not at all! Oh my God, words! Words of any kind! Your jaw is hanging open! Close it! Elsa cleared her throat. The panic was so bad that it had begun snowing inside. "What gave you the idea I had a crush on your brother?"
"Well, I always see you staring at us and I figured…you know. All the other women in the tribe think he's hot, so…" Honeymaren shrugged.
"All the other women?" Elsa said.
"I mean most of them," Honeymaren said. "Not me, obviously."
"I didn't mean to imply…"
"That'd be gross."
"It would."
"So you agree he's gross?"
"I agree he's your brother," Elsa said. If it were warm enough for crickets, they would have been chirping. "I'm gay."
"Oh. So definitely not about my brother then," Honeymaren said.
"No."
"No." Honeymaren was quiet for entirely too long. "So the reason you're all freaked out…"
"I'm overthinking things," Elsa said. "As usual. You probably didn't mean anything inviting me to the games and I've just been trying to figure out—"
"So I am what's making you nervous," Honeymaren said.
"I…yes," Elsa said.
"Is it a good nervous?" Honeymaren asked, interrupting.
"I don't know what that means," Elsa said.
"Hmm…" Honeymaren said. "I think you'll find out."
Something about the tone made her heart flutter. Elsa could feel the pull more strongly, something inside that urged her closer. She involuntarily glanced at Honeymaren's lips. Blushing, she looked away just as fast.
"I really need to go get ready, I was just worried about you and thought I should take a minute to make sure you were okay," Honeymaren said.
"Thank you for stopping by," Elsa managed. Her voice didn't sound like her voice. It came from somewhere else: deeper, and a little scratchy.
"Would you mind opening the door?" Honeymaren asked, keeping eye contact.
Elsa felt like her skin was on fire. She easily sublimated the ice in one massive cloud. What was left of the tend collapsed in a perfect circle around them.
Honeymaren, seemingly incognizant of the fact that the entire tribe had turned to stare, rose to her feet with her eyes still trained on Elsa's. It felt as physical as a touch. When Honeymaren finally turned to walk away, Elsa was left in absolute disbelief over the intensity of feeling. If she was misinterpreting the situation, a horrible wake up call would be coming at some point.
But the fantasy was incredible. She would live in it a while longer. Glancing at the half-written letter to Anna, Elsa tried to refocus her attention on political matters, but her mind was on an incredible high and for the first time in her life she found it truly difficult to think. And if Honeymaren could wield such power over her with only a look…
Yes, it was a good nervous. A very good nervous.
"Elsa, your tent is broken," Ryder said as he walked by on his way to the game grounds.
"I'm aware, thank you," Elsa said, waving. "I'm fine everyone, go about your business."
The tribe turned back to whatever they had been doing before and Elsa erected a more deliberate ice structure to serve as shelter until she could get a proper tent. The ice was fine for her, but if she meant to have guests it was important that she make finding a more comfortable place a priority. Adding a layer of snow to the outside for privacy, Elsa returned to Anna's letter.
