Evolve
"If being him is who you are, say it loud say you know you are"
"It's a shame, you two were doing well for a minute there," Fura commented. She picked up her foot and lazily kicked at Shisui.
He grunted and tumbled over onto his stomach. Whatever Fura had done, Shisui wasn't quite unconscious. It was more like his body wasn't working right anymore. Every time his muscles contracted, they spasmed, and blue chakra-charged electricity sparked around him, making him jerk and crumple and moan. A lightning jutsu then?
His eyes were squeezed shut against the pain.
I knew I needed to get to him, needed to remove him from this situation. But I couldn't. Suraisu was leering at me, his fingers jittering against the hilt of his katana. Now that I was basically alone, he would be an impossible obstacle.
Just thinking about it was overwhelming. The fear that I'd bravely swallowed earlier blossomed in my chest, polluting everything. I felt like I had cotton balls stuffed into my throat. Like I had white noise plugging my ears. The electricity that had shocked Shisui had paralyzed me.
"Not so brave now, huh girlie?" Suraisu taunted me. "Come on. Try and save your friend. Aren't you gonna charge?"
I swallowed thickly.
No, charging wasn't going to do me any good. I had to be smart now, use strategy over skill. Think. How could I hope to get past him without any backup?
"Leave it Suraisu," Fura shook her head. She was looking at me with an empty sort of pity. It was like some part of her understood the turmoil I was in, but she was so jaded, so hallow, that she simply didn't care.
How could somebody terrorize kids like this and look so empty?
Looking at her, the reality of our situation settled on my shoulders. The real world wasn't quite as simple as Naruto Uzumaki made it out to be. Determination wasn't enough. No amount of self-confidence would stop these ninja from killing us. Even if I could dream of getting close, the Big Guy with the brass knuckles was still standing behind them, stoic and observant. He was a silent reminder that these three were still playing games.
I'd never felt so helpless before. Not when I watched Nawaki march off to war. Not when Tsunade had left me behind in the village. Hell, not even when I spent two months lying in my sick bed, waiting for the end of my first life. If Shisui and I died here, it would be because I wasn't strong enough. It would be my fault.
"End it," the Big Guy called out, short and terse. His voice reverberated through my bones.
Fura gave him a curt nod, and she spun the kunai in her hand. Shisui jerked to the side, maybe in a last ditch attempt to get away. He barely made it half a step.
Bile was rising in my stomach, as I finally felt my muscles begin to unfreeze. I had just promised myself that I wouldn't charge, but here I was doing it anyway. I had to move. To hell with strategy. There was no more time. I had to stop her, and if I didn't do something now, it would be too late.
"Stop!" A gruff voice cut through the tension, and Fura's knife dug into something unexpected.
Touma came out of nowhere, throwing himself clumsily in front of Shisui. He used one forearm to block her wrist, and the other to block the knife itself. It cut into the fleshy muscle below his elbow. Blood splattered.
Of course, Shisui was now awake enough to see it happen. "T-Touma-san!" Shisui stuttered out weakly. He seemed distressed, until another spasm passed through him and his eyes squeezed shut again.
Suraisu let out an annoyed growl as he flashed his katana forward. He was going for Touma, but by now I'd closed the distance between us. His sword lodged itself into my staff with a hard thunk just in time. Suraisu's eyebrows twitched. I twisted my staff hard, prying the katana away from his fingers. Pivoting, I heaved the two weapons away, sending them both over towards Santaun's main street.
We were both disarmed now, and I was too close. Time to abort.
I threw my body recklessly onto the ground, sliding against the grass at first then dipping into a graceless somersault. My arms stung as my various open cuts dragged against the dirt, but thank god- I made it to my destination. By the time Fura had yanked her kunai out of Touma's arm and kicked him hard in the chest, I had collected Shisui in my arms and leaped a few feet away.
"You okay?" I whispered quietly, holding his shirt in a death grip.
He opened one eye with a grimace. It was black - no more active sharingan. "I... I can't move right ," he finally breathed. I felt his shoulder twitch against my side as he tried to sit up better on his own. "W-we have to help Touma."
I swallowed, mentally translating: I can't help. You have to do something.
Right, a quick mental inventory. The good news was that Suraisu was disarmed now. We stood in between him and his sword. The bad news is that I'd also managed to disarm myself, further banged up my right arm, and left a civilian in danger next to the enemy during the process.
It was hard to tell if the situation was improved. My only consolation was that, at the very least, Shisui wasn't dead yet.
Of course, Suraisu looked twice as agitated as before.
"Brat, you're starting to get on my nerves" he bristled, glaring past me, towards his katana.
"Can't handle a little hand to hand combat?" I taunted back. It was a pretty bold statement, too bad my voice had been a wobbly mess.
Fura had pulled another kunai out from her back pocket, and her eyes were flickering between Touma and me. She looked like she wasn't sure who she wanted to kill first. I was hunting for something else combative to say. If Fura or Suraisu chose to attack Touma right now, I wouldn't be able to get there in time. I needed their focus to stay on me.
"Can you?" Suraisu challenged me back, lips twisting into that sadistic cocky grin.
"Those kids have nothing to do with you," Touma screamed loudly, distracting the missing ninja yet again. A slew of curses ran through my mind. Couldn't he see I was trying to keep him out of this? That I was doing my best to handle this on my own? The wound in his arm was seeping red. They were going to kill him. But the old man wouldn't stop talking.
"I didn't tell anybody you were here," he pleaded. "Our town elder called them in because of the earthquake, that's all. Santaun is already in ruins. There's nothing left we could possibly give you. Please, just leave us here. We have nothing."
Suraisu's lip curled. "Says you," he said. When he opened his mouth to keep going, Fura cut him off.
"Careful," she intoned. Further back, the Big Guy rumbled.
I frowned. For the briefest of moments, I stopped worrying about the immediate danger and paused listened to them. Because, well, Touma was right, wasn't he? There really wasn't much of a point in attacking two kids in front of a ruined village. Fura's expression, her level headed vacant demeanor suddenly bothered me. The Big Guy too. His caution, his need for this to end quickly. There were plenty of ninja in this world that would attack a bunch of kids for no reason, and I'd expect it from somebody like Suraisu, but what were these other two shinobi doing? If they weren't here for the sport of it, then why?
"You killed Touma's friends before? Haven't you done enough?" I asked, throwing a second voice to the question. Why? Why now? Why us?
"I killed his daughter, I think," Suraisu said. "Two little townies, walking alone in the forest, so close to the mountain pass. They should have known better."
Touma made a distressed noise, and I felt my heart break for him. He had been so distant with us from the moment we'd arrived. Looking back though, he'd always been willing enough to let me hang around his curtails, even when he seemed to want nothing to do with anybody else. Did I remind him of her? I hoped not. That would only make round two of this fight harder for him.
Nevertheless, attacking two harmless civilians in the woods seemed even more senseless than attacking two budding shinobi. There wasn't a game in fighting someone who couldn't fight back. What was the point?
"T-they couldn't hurt you. They're just civilians," Shisui sputtered out, once again trying to fidget into an upright position.
"You couldn't hurt me, and you're a ninja, little boy. You might as well ask why we're fighting if you want to cry about that," Suraisu shrugged.
But... why were we fighting? Because they had attacked us? Did I dare ask him that question?
Honestly, I didn't think he'd answer it, and I knew they might not give me a second chance to speak.
If they had an ulterior motive, then they had to be targeting us for a reason. They might be coming for the villagers - there was clearly history there- but then again, they seemed pretty pleased earlier when they saw that Touma had hired ninja. That meant that maybe, the villagers weren't the target here at all. Maybe they were just bait.
Santaun is a small village, but it's closer to the border than some people think wise.
An idea struck me. It was definitely stupid, but my curiosity had been piqued. There was no time to second guess it.
"Do you know who we are?" I announced impulsively, just as Fura looked like she was about to make a move.
Thankfully, that made both of them pause.
"Do tell?" Fura quirked an eyebrow.
"My name is Natsuki Senju. I am the heir to the Second Hokage, Tobirama Senju. Cousin to Princess Tsunade, one of the legendary Sanin. And this is Shisui Uchiha, prodigy of the Uchiha clan. Cousin to Fugaku Uchiha, clan head. You're not picking a fight with two kids. You're picking a fight with two of the greatest Shinobi families that have ever lived. There's a lot of really powerful people who are going to be furious if you kill us here," I declared.
Shisui looked at me like I had lost my mind, and maybe I had.
But then again, you should've seen the way that Fura and Suraisu both glittered when I made the announcement. Both of their attention shifted away from Touma completely, and back to us.
"I'm shivering Fura," Suraisu grinned.
"Hasn't anybody told you not to name drop?" Fura shook her head, amused.
Ah, of course this was the consequence of taunting missing ninja like this in battle. Now they were both leering at me like I was their next meal.
Well, they weren't planning on hurting Touma anymore.
Here we go, I thought, drawing a kunai of my own. Without my staff I knew I wouldn't last much longer against them. Once again, I wracked my mind for another option, a plan B, a plan C. Literally any way out.
A breeze swept through the road between us, and I felt my entire body ache.
I wasn't ready to die again, not yet.
"Natsuki-" Shisui started to say something.
But they were coming.
Suraisu and Fura both broke forwards at the same time. I met them in the middle. Stabbing with my kunai. They both weaved around it. Fura tapped my shoulder and it exploded with mind numbing static pain. I felt myself falling. Suraisu's knife was arcing towards my chest.
The wind changed.
It's hard to explain. I didn't actually see anything happen. One minute Fura and Suraisu were bearing down on me. I was about to die. My god, I saw his kunai an inch away from my heart. But then, the next moment, the air between us seemed to pressurize and explode. It was like an invisible tornado had bloomed between us, ripping both Fura and Suraisu right off their feet and violently throwing them backwards.
Yet I was unaffected.
I felt the pressure of the atmosphere change, felt the pop and the suction. My haoiri was even billowed harshly around my shoulders. But I just kept falling. The shock Fura had sent through my shoulder was still traveling painfully through my torso, making everything twitch and hurt. I waited for the impact with the ground.
Instead, familiar hands caught me.
"You okay Nat?"
"As-suma-a?" I stuttered. My jaw didn't feel like it wanted to open, and an involuntary shudder racked me. Still, I'd never felt so relieved to see him in my life.
"Looks like we got here just in time," Asuma breathed. He gathered me quickly in his arms and bounded backwards, landing gracefully next to Shisui.
Shisui smiled, looking just as shattered as I did. Then he tilted forwards and crashed into Asuma's shoulder. My big brother seemed disturbed, as he gripped my blood stained arms a little tighter and shifted to support Shisui too.
"I'm going to have to ask you to step away from my students," a deep, dangerous voice suddenly echoed through the air. We couldn't see where it had come from. It leaked in from every corner of our battle ground, amplified by the roaring wind.
With it also came Killing Intent, entirely different from what Suraisu had shown us before. This was a new kind of fury, filled with calm calculated anger. It was targeted and personal and it swirled through us tumultuously with barely restrained raw power. Mercy to the man who had wronged this storm, and thank god it wasn't directed towards me.
It was almost pitiful watching the way that Suraisu, Fura, and the Big Guy crumpled under the weight of it.
Then, almost as if this entire scene had been choreographed, another clap of air popped into the middle of the road. A puff of chakra smoke billowed up dramatically from the ground and when the winds tore it away, Sakumo-Sensei was standing there, anchored to the ground like a wall between us. In his hand, his tanto was glowing hot white with chakra.
We gaped at him, completely at a loss for words. Only Asuma didn't seem to be phased.
"The White Fang," the Big Guy was muttering. "The freaking White Fang."
Suraisu seemed to snap. The initial air blast had knocked him a ways back, but now he got to his feet. Letting out an enraged battle cry, he charged.
Sensei let him come, not even bothering to shift into a battle stance. Fura shouted frantically, demanding Suraisu hold back. He ignored her. When Suraisu lunged, Sensei waited until the very last second to side step him. His free hand wrapped tightly around Suraisu's jacket collar, yanking him back like a toy doll. Using his other hand, Sensei twirled his tanto around and plunged it right through Suraisu's chest.
My heart skipped a beat as he dropped to the ground, blood pooling beneath him. Dead. The shear efficiency of the entire interaction was brutal.
Relief burned stronger in my gut, and some half-functioning part of my brain noted that I should probably be horrified by all this. I'd just watched my teacher - a man I trusted and respected - kill a man like it was nothing. Then again, two minutes ago, I had been sure it would be me with a sword sticking through my chest. I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for my enemy, not right now at least.
In front of us, Sakumo-Sensei straightened, turning to look back at Shisui and I.
"The two of you did great here. I'll be right over after I finish handling this," he told us, voice breaking briefly from the deadly warrior tone back to his usual calm kindness.
Then his eyes snapped towards the two remaining enemy nin, and the White Fang was back. Fura and the Big Guy didn't look so empty anymore. The Big Guy was muttering shaky curses as both of them pulled weapons from their pocket.
Fura seemed particularly upset. "You're going to pay for that," she threatened, looking at Suraisu's corpse.
"Fura Otsuka. User of the Lightning Paralysis Technique," Sakumo-sensei tilted his head towards her. "You're a long way from Iwagakure."
She hesitated. The anger stopping mid-tantrum. Worry ghosted in front of her eyes.
"Iwagakure is not our home anymore," the Big Guy replied robotically.
"I'm afraid neither is the Land of Fire. I'm going to give you two a choice. Either you can come with me to Konoha to be interrogated as prisoners of the Leaf. Or you can die here," Sakumo-sensei said. "I would prefer we end this non-violently, of course."
They stared at him blankly, not lowering their guards in the slightest.
"It's two on one," Fura said. "And if you know how my jutsu works, then you'll know that you'll loose the minute I touch you. This isn't over yet."
"Right," Sensei sighed, twirling his tanto lackadaisically. "Then I guess you've made your choice."
The fight that followed was brutal and one-sided.
Hind-sight is twenty twenty, I suppose. Watching Sakumo-sensei fight in front of us now, it was hard to believe Fura had seemed so terrifying just moments earlier. Maybe Shisui and I hadn't been losing half as badly as I'd originally thought. We had kept up with Suraisu for two full taijutsu clashes, and we had been meeting him in his area of expertise. These ninja were good, but this was not the same as meeting somebody like Zabuza Momochi during your first mission outside of the village.
They couldn't touch Sensei. Not even when they were working as a team in tandem.
In fact, Sakumo-Sensei seemed to be playing with them, just to pound in how bad a mistake they'd made attacking us.
He met the Big Guy up close and personal, dancing around him with his tanto held delicately behind his back. Sensei used the Big Guy as a human shield in front of Fura. In order to reach him, she would have to get around her teammate first, and he was built like a boat. The strategy forced the Big Guy into a one-on-one tete-a-tete, and let me tell you, that man's fists were powerful. The air around Sensei shook every time the brass knuckles cracked past him.
If only he could connect. Sensei was untouchable.
Eventually, Fura got frustrated, and she began throwing full-fledged lightning jutsu around. He countered it with a powerful concentrated wind jutsu that seemed to cut right through her techniques. Lightning had a type disadvantage against wind. This would be over soon.
"Not terrible. I think I'll show you why they call me the White Fang," Sensei appraised, as his knee connected harshly with the Big Guy's gut. I could hear the ribs crack from here. Then Sensei flipped back and dropped into an animalistic crouch. He placed the tanto in his mouth, and his hands started flying through signs. As the white of his blade started to burn with energy, the wind started howling. The gusts were so strong, it difficult to stay anchored to the ground. I couldn't imagine trying to defend myself in this mess.
When Sakumo-sensei moved, I couldn't even see him. My eyes only registered the white. The sound of metal shredding screeched through the air. When it quieted, everything settled at once. The wind halted. The Killing Intent faded. Sensei's form reappeared several feet behind Fura and the Big Guy, and their bodies fell forward face down in the dirt. Sensei had cut everything - kunai, clothes, armor, and bodies.
I sagged into Asuma. It was over.
Everything that happened in the immediate aftermath of the battle was a bit of a blur. The adrenaline melted out of my system as quickly as it had came, and the wake left me feeling dazed. The world was quiet now that the gale force winds had subsided. All that was left was the noise of my own heartbeat thrumming defiantly in my ears.
The next clear action that I processed was Sakumo-Sensei stooping over us, pressing one glowing green hand to my forehead and the other to Shisui's. A cool sensation radiated from his palm. It was refreshing, like taking a shower in the afternoon, except without all the water and the soap. The shoulder that Fura had zapped stopped twitching and relaxed.
"I think we're going to make it Sensei," I said, taking a deep shaky breath. "Although, you guys did cut it really, really close." Shisui made a contented humming noise, like he agreed.
Sensei looked at me, his eyes strained.
"I'm sorry," he said, and he sounded like he meant it. "You two did amazing. Held them off just long enough. Sometimes all that matters is that you made it."
I nodded, appreciating that lesson. He was right after all- we had made it. We'd survived a fight against impossible odds, and now we'd be better for it.
Real fighting had been different from what I'd originally expected. I'd always known that it'd be fast, that it'd be scary. But knowing and experiencing were different things. Everything - your thoughts, your feelings, your reflexes - just changed when you thought you were going to die. I knew that now.
"Well next time you're going on the boring trip with Sensei, and I'm going to have the badass fight against the missing ninja. We missed everything," Asuma whined, lightening the mood a bit. I rolled my eyes at him, and he gave me a quick almost imperceptible squeeze.
Whatever argument we had been having just a few hours ago seemed to have evaporated. After all the excitement, all of my drama earlier felt... childish. But Asuma and I clicked easily back into place, our puzzle piece edges realigning like they'd never been breaking apart in the first place.
I felt my stomach swirl.
I had to talk to Shisui.
"Mm, no next times please," a deep gritty voice interrupted my thoughts. I started, realizing that Touma had hobbled back over. He looked terrible, like the fight had added five years to him. His arm was hanging limp by his side, with his belt tied tightly around it as a tourniquet. Little red streaks of blood trailed around his fingers, slowly forming droplets at the tips.
"Touma-san, I can take a look at that if you'd like," Sakumo-sensei offered politely, as he seemed to decide Shisui and I weren't in critical condition.
The pain had subsided quite a bit in my shoulders, I realized. Whatever jutsu he'd just pressed to my forehead had been more than just diagnostic. Maybe he'd grounded out whatever remained of Fura's lighting jutsu? That was the best explanation I could come up with for it.
"S'okay," Touma shrugged. "Mayumi-sama can patch me up when we get back. I just wanted to come over to check on the kids."
I glanced over at Shisui. He seemed to have fallen asleep, face finally peaceful and void of pain. His jaw was slacked just enough that his mouth formed a little 'o', and his temple was resting on Asuma's shoulder. My heart warmed a little. I had to talk to him, but maybe it could wait for him to wake.
"We'll be fine I think," I said honestly.
Touma nodded, looking infinitely relieved.
"I'm sorry for all this," he croaked. "I should've warned you all. Should've done something to stop it."
"Like what?" Sakumo-sensei leaned back. The question was posed casually, but something about his expression wasn't completely comforting. Clearly, he wanted a thorough answer. Touma swallowed.
"Those ninja... They'd attacked me before - killed... killed my daughter, Yasue," he looked at his feet.
"But you didn't tell Mayumi, so it didn't get put into our mission parameters. Why keep something like that quiet?," Sakumo-Sensei read between the lines, looking baffled.
"You ninja come and go from here all the time. Nothing good ever comes of it. We get attacked, then we call for justice. Then justice comes and makes things worse. You start wars. We're the ones who end up dying. I thought maybe keeping quiet would make things better. That it'd save more people in the end," Touma lamented.
I swallowed.
"I see," Sakumo-Sensei frowned. "It's not my place to tell you when you should choose to hire a ninja. Since we were here anyway though, perhaps you shouldn't have kept things from us."
"Of course," Touma nodded, bowing. "I'll talk to Mayumi-sama and see what we can do to thank you all. We're- no - I'm in your debt."
Sakumo-Sensei nodded, and then that was that.
.
.
That night, the town celebrated.
It had been a long day for everyone. Construction had halted the moment Suraisu and company had arrived, and half the villagers spent the day hiding in fear, waiting for bad news. Even though we hadn't really solved any real problems here - Santaun was still too close to the border and was bound to be attacked again eventually- Mayumi-sama insisted that sometimes you had to celebrate small victories.
You wouldn't find me complaining. I was more than due for a break.
Asuma was probably the most excited about the party. Being the only one who hadn't fought today, he had a lot of energy to spare. So I wasn't particularly surprised when he took it upon himself to retell the story of our awe-inspiring battle to all the villagers. Never mind that he had missed most of it. We'd given him enough details earlier to embellish upon.
I could've been annoyed about it, but then again, if Asuma was doing the talking, that meant I didn't have to. The events of the morning were still too fresh for me. I didn't really want to relive them twenty times over for the sake of the villagers' curiosity.
Anyways, my evening had already been fairly stressful. Upon returning to the village Sensei had sent me to the town medic to get checked out. She'd spent an hour slathering my entire body in antibiotic ointment and wrapping me up in gauze like a mummy. It didn't quite stir up all of the less-than-cheerful, cancer-ridden memories that a hospital might've, but it wasn't the most enjoyable experience either.
By the time night fell, I mostly wanted to sleep. The villagers were technically throwing this party for us though. As tired as I was, I knew this wasn't the sort of thing I wanted to miss. It felt good to see the people we'd saved have a happy evening.
As the party worked itself into full swing, I was content to quietly tuck myself into the seat beside Sensei and slurp down the delicious hot stew the chefs had made. The villagers sang and danced around us, occasionally even pulling Sensei into their antics. He was a pretty good sport about it, smiling and laughing along with them.
The happy atmosphere filled me from the inside out, and I let myself bask in it.
As for Shisui, he slept through most of it. Between the his sharingan, the massive fire jutsu he'd cast and Fura's damaging lighting paralysis, he needed time for his body to heal. We'd tucked him into his sleeping bag first thing upon returning to camp.
When he did make an appearance, it was towards the end of the night. He had gotten up from his sleeping bag, quiet as a mouse, and crept over to edge of the firelight. I almost didn't spot him as he hovered there, just watching it all. Once I did though, I found it hard to look away. Shisui looked palled and gray against the cold night lighting. Post-battle funk hung heavy on his shoulders, amplified by grogginess. He seemed to want to join the commotion, but for some reason, he was holding back.
A strong fervor swept through my gut.
Shisui Uchiha belonged in the middle of the party, not the edge of it.
Standing up, I stepped out of Sensei's comfortable shadow and made my way across camp.
"Hey," I greeted when I finally made it to him.
Shisui startled. I don't think he'd noticed me coming, which was surprising, considering he was probably the most observant member of our team's three genin. Plus, it's not like I had been trying to sneak up on him. That was a fairly rude thing to do here in the ninja world, where shinobi tended to be rather trigger happy.
I bit my lip, even as the tension drained out of his shoulders. His expression seemed to say: oh, it's only you.
"Hey," he replied, rubbing the sleep out of his eye.
"You feeling okay?" I asked.
"Mm, yeah I think so," he hummed. "Still feel kinda twitchy, but it doesn't hurt so much anymore."
I nodded, relieved. Sensei had told me several times over that Shisui was going to be okay, but it was good to see it with my own eyes.
"The villagers threw us a party," I said lightly, gesturing vaguely to the rowdy crowd behind me. "Did you get up to come join?"
Shisui paused, looking torn. He certainly seemed interested in the party, but I could see a second emotion flickering across his features. Doubt. It wasn't something I expected to find in Shisui's face. Still, it was there nonetheless.
Guilt wracked through me suddenly.
"Or, um, if you don't wan't to go to the party, I was hoping to talk to you some time. If you want, we could do that now?" I offered impulsively.
He stilled, not responding for a good long moment. Just when I thought he was going to ask me to wait until tomorrow, he nodded.
"Yeah, yeah, let's talk," he agreed.
We moved back away from the glow of the fire pits, settling on a set of tall logs near the sleeping area. Our short legs dangled off the seats, with our feet just barely grazing the ground, and something about the moonlight and the intimacy of the spot seemed right.
My resolve grew.
With a deep breath, I figured now was as good a time as ever. "Um, listen. Thank you for today. You saved my life," I said. The words immediately made me feel lighter.
"It's not a big deal," he blushed. Lifting one hand, he scratched the back of his head, messing his already sleep-ruffled curls."You sort of saved mine too, so I guess we're even."
I shook my head. "But it is a big deal. A really big one," I insisted. "We were fighting all day, and you didn't even hesitate. You leapt right into the fight to save me even though I hadn't done anything to deserve it."
Shisui blinked, mouth twisting into a small frown. "It's not about deserving it," he said, slowly, like he was hand-selecting each word. "We're ninja, so it's like Sensei said during the scroll test - it's just what we're supposed to do."
A brief flash of ire twisted in my chest. What kind of world did we live in, where children said things like that?
"Well I thought it was brave," I said, swallowing the sudden emotion. Now wasn't the time to get into an argument over philosophy.
"Oh, well, um, thanks."
We fell into a brief calm sort of silence. This far away from the others, we could hear the crickets chittering. Their song lilted around us, an echoing chirp chirp against the void. They were a reminder that we were almost alone out here, far far away from the bustling streets of Konoha.
Shisui's big eyes were watching me with wary curiosity, and I knew that he was going to breach the bigger, more impossible topic soon if I didn't go there first. Butterflies fluttered around my stomach. I had brought him over here for this discussion. There would be no escaping it now. The problem was, I didn't know where to start.
How did I explain all this to him, without actually explaining any of it?
A million different thoughts, different words, swirled through my mind. I'd been planning this conversation out all day, but now that it was happening, nothing seemed quite right.
I wanted to tell him that I had been broken in a way most people were never meant to be broken. That I was in the process of healing, but sometimes I messed things - important things - up. And that messing up was perhaps exactly what I feared the most.
Most of all though, I wanted to tell Shisui Uchiha that he had somehow wormed his way onto my list. My list of people who couldn't die.
It was a list that seemed to be getting longer with each passing day.
Tsunade, Hiruzen, Biwako, Isamu, Asuma, Sakumo, Shisui.
Their names were like my own private prayer.
But of course, I'm not really the most elegant speaker. This whole apology thing, wasn't my strong suit - although, the way the last few days had gone maybe it should have been.
Instead of all those raw unspeakable truths, I found something else coming out of my mouth:
"I'm an orphan you know," the words tumbled out impulsively.
He blinked, staring at me. That probably wasn't what he had been expecting.
"I know that I have a family with the Sarutobi's. Asuma and Isamu are like my brothers, Biwako-san and Hiruzen-san are like my parents. But they're not actually. My parents are dead, and I don't have any real siblings. My cousin Nawaki died in the second war when he was twelve. Then his sister, Tsunade, left the village because I wasn't enough to make it better," I said quietly. "I love the Sarutobi's, but I am not a Sarutobi. I'm a Senju, and there aren't any more of us left."
In my mind, I could see my family - my first family as clear as day. They were wearing American clothes, sitting around our dinner table in our home - my home - and they were happy, laughing, there without me. Gone, out of my reach. Forever.
I couldn't tell him about them. They were my secret. My soul.
But this life had so many hardships. Was it too strange to pretend that Kojirama, Mura, Nawaki, and Tsunade had left this hole in me? That maybe I missed them too?
Just sitting here, thinking about all of them, speaking my pain out loud for somebody else to hear... I ached.
"I... um, my Dad died in the second war," Shisui said, tone hushed. "His name was Kagami Uchiha. Everybody tells me that he was one of the most respected people in the clan, but um... I guess I never knew him"
I let out a deep breath. He understood. Maybe not entirely, but he knew what it felt like to lose something that could never be replaced.
"I thought that it would be easier if I didn't care about anybody extra," I told him. "If you only love a few people, then only a few people can hurt you. But I was wrong to treat you the way I did. I'm sorry."
I waited. One beat of silence, then two. I felt heinously vulnerable, sitting there with all of my hopes and fears laying out for him to see. What would I do if he didn't forgive me? What if I had messed things up so badly that it was already too late?
I probably shouldn't have worried. Shisui took a minute to process my explanation, but when he did, the smallest of smiles wisped onto his face. His expression turned soft and genuine, filled with a raw kindness that was just so Shisui. He had the kind of face that radiated empathy.
Looking at him now, all of my doubts fell away. Of course he'd accepted me. He was Shisui, how could he not?
"It's okay. I get it now," he said, kicking his feet in the air. His voice was happier than it had been in days. "And... I'm sorry too."
"Shisui," I let out a breath of unexpected relief and frustration. He didn't do anything. What the hell was he apologizing for?
He shrugged. "It's just... I'm just sorry that you were hurting at all."
I let out an airy sigh and shook my head.
"Do you want to go back to the party now?" I asked. He smiled, even as he let out a big tired yawn.
"Maybe just for a little bit," he nodded, tentative excitement sparking in his eyes. The doubt that had been there earlier was gone. Good.
"Come on then. Mayumi-sama had Sensei dancing earlier. You don't want to miss it."
Arc Title and Chapter quote from song Evolve by Phoria
