Chapter V
The Symbol of Strength and Revolution
Trigger warning: mental issues.
(P.S: flashback in italic, the present in the default case. Happy reading!)
For the first time in a while, Akari was seeing her therapist again.
She was reclining on a chaise lounge in an all-white room. Her head tilted up to the ceiling as her arm outstretched to block the blinding light from her view. At last, she was here again. The last time she had to go through a therapy session was when her panic attacks had gotten worse to the point she couldn't be surrounded by a large number of people, which was considered a nuisance by her agency since it prevented her from making money. In fact, her agency almost gave up on her, they made her switch from a therapist to another until they could get rid of the panic attacks. By all means, it didn't cure completely, but the last therapist she consulted with didn't put ideas into her head that she was the one preventing her panic attacks from being treated.
We all need someone to take on our sides, don't we?
"When was the last time you had a panic attack, Akari-san?" Her therapist who was sitting on the opposite of her inquired. Waiting for her answer, he crossed his legs, his hands capping his knee.
"It was when a fan of mine paid me a sudden visit in front of my apartment building. He came all the way to Miyagi after he heard about a false dating rumor involving me. He was… staring angrily at me as if he caught me cheating on him. I was alone at that time. Suddenly, a voice whispered in my head. 'Oh no, it's happening again', 'I can't think straight', 'why am I freaking out?', 'my chest hurts', 'I must be dying, it's too late now', and on and on."
"And how did you overcome it?"
"I didn't," her finger slid along the hem of her shirt nervously. "One of my classmates saw me on the street. He sensed something was wrong and decided to step in. He drove my fan away, I suppose, I didn't remember how. My manager came before long, I was taken inside then."
"Did you take your medication?"
She shook her head weakly and turned to her therapist, "I had it under control, so it wasn't needed. To tell you the truth, I didn't come here because of my panic attacks."
The older man didn't utter a word, only waiting for her to continue.
"I think I might have bipolar."
"What makes you think so?"
"Do you remember Yua-san? My bandmate who recently quit. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She goes through extreme mood swings a lot. There were times when she would be very nice to me. She likes to give me gifts, although it's on account of impulsive buying. She's full of energy as well, so it's really hard to keep up with her. But when she was having an episode... she would take it all on me. She would usually scream at me or lock me in the bathroom until our manager found me. Last time, she slammed my hand in the door. On the contrary to the popular belief, Yua-san and I were actually very close. The two of us trained the longest, so we basically grew up together. Hence, I've learned all of the symptoms by heart."
Creases appeared on his forehead, "So, did you do all the things you mentioned to the people around you?"
She remained quiet for a moment before opening her mouth, "Not that extreme. But I snapped at the other members and some seniors at school. I was so surprised after I did that since I never had an outburst before."
The first time she lost her temper was when she was attending a press conference relating to the Pink Panthers' future plans. Following a member's departure and the stalker incident, the PR team came up with a press conference in order to dismiss the speculation of potential disbandment. At the same time, they were announcing that the members would release each of their solo songs before their first comeback as a 4-member group. Akari's solo would be dropped last, by all means. Seeing that she still needed more time to cope with her panic attacks, the company also saw this as an opportunity to let the other members shine on their own.
However, she felt sick since the sun rose this morning. Takagaki had to drag her away as far as possible from the bed in order to make her take part in the press conference. It was also the first time she didn't feel like smiling in front of the cameras at all. At that very moment, she no longer cared about the opinion the public would have of her.
"Cut your bitchy attitude out, will you?" One of her members stood behind her when she was sitting idly in the dressing room. "We've put up with you enough. Don't make the Pink Panthers' name go downhill just because you can."
Akari studied her expression through the reflection in the mirror. It took her less than a minute to get back to the fashion magazine on her lap. "Sorry." She muttered.
"What's the use of apologizing if you will just do the same mistakes over and over again? Do you actually mean it when you say you're sorry?"
Another member chimed in, "Karen-chan, how long have you known Akari-chan? Of course, she apologizes so that she can get away from all of her problems easily! Who could resist her puppy eyes, after all?"
Her fingers suddenly stopped flipping through the pages, face up.
"Why are you so quiet today? Is it a boy problem?" The short-haired girl sat on the chair's arm, looking through Akari closely. "Listen up, Akari, idols do date around. Just make sure you don't get caught. I heard there was a female idol who got caught dating and she had to shave her hair off to ask forgiveness from her fans."
Before Akari got the chance to respond, another member entered the dressing room. "Why are you guys taking so long to—" she stopped in her tracks as soon as she was aware of the tension. "What were you guys doing? Why is the two of you surrounding Akari-chan?"
"We're reviewing the press conference. Do you mind joining us, Sumire-chan?" One of the girls wrapped her arm around the other girl's shoulders, her hand forming a microphone as she brought it close to her mouth. "Sumire-san! How do you feel about being the first Pink Panthers member to ever drop her solo? Are you feeling pressured or the other way round since you've been waiting for your turn to finally shine?"
"We've wrapped up the press conference, so I don't see the need in answering that —"
"I see that you're avoiding the question, Sumire. But why? Because Akari is here? She has to hear about everything we've been welling up, Sumire. Especially from you since as a leader, you bear the most responsibility."
The leader pressed her quivering lips together, her fist clenched. "I can't… I really can't. I'm sorry but I think it would be too much —"
"I'll say it on your behalf. We're sick of you trying so hard to steal the spotlight every damn time, Akari. We're older than you, at least show some respect to us!"
"Teach us your way, Akari-chan. What's the secret of becoming the CEO's favorite? Well, he might haven't said it to our faces yet, but when there were two people suffering from mental illness in a group, it's awfully obvious when the CEO decided to eliminate one but keep the other, don't you think so?"
The girl who took a seat on the chair's arm reached Akari's chin, "Are you not going to apologize again this time?"
Abruptly, Akari brushed the other girl's hand off her chin, her hazel eyes burning with anger. That was the breaking point of her patience. She couldn't hold it in any longer… Did they actually think she somehow was chosen as the center because she licked the CEO's boots all the time? Did they have any clues about what it really takes to be the center? She was overworked most of the time. Never in her life, she failed to mention the Pink Panthers' name whenever she was promoting alone or representing her group in a certain program or event. What did they think she worked her ass off for if it weren't for the group's sake?
And now they were accusing her of getting all the attention for herself when all she did was playing the center's role.
"Oh, are you picking a fight on me?" All of a sudden, she grabbed Akari's ponytail and pulled it back roughly. "You're messing with the wrong girl, Akari!"
For all that, Akari didn't falter. Karen's bob hair made it easier for her to grab it. "Do you expect me to stay silent all the time when you've been treading on my toes, Karen-san? Why? Just because I'm young? The hell with that! I trained the longest here along with Yua-san! So, I'm technically your senior in terms of experience. But, have you ever found me claiming for the seniority?"
"Akari-chan, Karen-chan, let's not fight, okay? We can talk this out —"
"You stay out of it, Sumire-san!" As she raised her voice, her grip grew stronger. "Do you really think being a center is an easy task, Karen-san? The only time I was able to sleep was when I was getting my makeup done! I got sexually harassed by many producers and seniors in the past, but I couldn't do anything about it because we were still nameless rookies! I never got the chance to make friends out there because my schedules were always packed! I sacrificed a lot for this group already, but what did I ever get in return? Being treated as an attention whore, that is!"
"And do you expect me to empathize with your struggle? Guess what? Who cares! I only believe what I see — argh, bitch! Stop grabbing my hair! Get your hand off of me!" Karen screamed in pain just when Akari brought her head lower with brute force. In her defense, she also added more power to her grip at once, which caused Akari to flinch from her stance. "Isn't your long hair too smooth and precious to be grabbed like this? Do you want to go bald before you even get caught in a dating scandal?"
But then, Akari extended her hand to take hold of a scissor on the dressing table and cut her ponytail in one stroke, causing Karen to remove her grasp instantly. The impulsive action she took had made the other Pink Panthers' members stare open-mouthed, lost at words.
She lifted her body up and let her feet drop to the furry carpet. Her hand ran through her newly-styled shoulder-length hair, straightening it after lying down for quite some time. She liked her new haircut so far. It felt lighter, which allowed her to nod more often now, therefore less speaking. Moreover, it symbolizes strength and revolution, for her part. Strength because it reminded her of the first time she stood up for herself, and revolution because her company was against it, saying that a short hairstyle didn't fit her image.
She heaved a sigh, "The second time, a group of seniors tried to injure me so that I would be replaced as a leading role in a musical play."
The lunch break was almost over. Akari went back earlier to the class to prepare her books and other stationery for the next class. Some of her classmates playing around with one another, lively noise filled the room and merry sound of the laughter mingled. She didn't notice at first that a senior had entered the classroom and seated himself on the vacant seat in front of her without a word.
"Hirose Akari, right? I'm Yamanaka Ken from class 3-5. The director of the school's drama club." The senior held out his hand, gesturing for a handshake. "I'll cut to the chase. I'm looking for a leading female character to feature in my musical play. She has to be an all-around actress. Someone who gives off charisma with her acting and someone who can sing confidently on the stage. I see you suit this role perfectly, Hirose-san. What will you say?"
What did he even see in her? Akari wondered. As of today, she'd only starred in a few commercial films and a drama once. For that reason, she was aware that her acting skills were still lacking in numerous aspects. In her last drama, she only got to play a supporting character, nevertheless, it was such a memorable experience. The other cast was mostly respected actors who had won plenty of awards, hence they gave her several helpful tips that helped her acting look more natural as time went by.
But that wasn't enough. Her acting debut was heavily criticized at first. The drama scored moderate ratings at best despite its huge production costs. Ever since then, she hadn't been offered any acting gig. And she would only be lying if she said it didn't bring her confidence down…
But then, an opportunity knocked on her door. It wasn't what she had expected, though. What would a musical theatre look like? She'd never seen one, let alone appear in one.
"Here is the script I've prepared. How about you take a look at it and let me know about your final decision after you finish reading it?" He handed her the sample script.
"I'll gladly accept the role. Thanks for the opportunity!" Akari agreed right away, grinning from ear to ear. "So, when will we start?"
"The first rehearsal will take place in the auditorium after school. I'll look forward to working together with you, Hirose-san."
After school, Akari wasted no time in heading toward the auditorium to attend her first rehearsal. As soon as she arrived, she was welcomed with open arms by the drama club members.
"I can't believe you managed to recruit Hirose Akari, Ken-san!"
"Akari-chan! I'm such a big fan of yours! Can I shake your hand?"
"Let's work hard together, Hirose-san!"
Having said that, not everyone in the room was pleased with the director's decision to make Akari the lead actress.
"Ken, a moment." a tall and lean lady called. Her long straight burgundy hair waving elegantly every time she made a movement.
Without complaint, the director followed the beautiful lady Akari guessed was a fellow senior to the backstage. Nonetheless, Akari shrugged, minding her own business. The crew kept her company, for the time being, holding an impromptu interview all of a sudden. Even though she'd only been there in less than an hour, Akari liked the ambiance so far. She could tell that she would find no difficulty in cooperating with them.
After the crew had spent some time to get to know each other, the director still hadn't shown up yet, which led them to slightly worry. "Should I call Yamanaka-san?" Akari took the initiative.
The other cast exchanged a glance, "Yeah, maybe you should. Thanks for offering, Hirose-san!"
Just when she moved closer to the backstage, she could overhear a conversation.
"... there's no doubt that you're more skilled and experienced than Hirose-san, Namie. However, we need Hirose-san's name in order to garner more audience. If we polish up her acting a little bit more, I can guarantee that this play will be a huge success! A full house as well!"
"I can't believe this... You changed so much, Ken. I can barely recognize you! Where is the old Ken who prioritized the quality of the play over the ticket sales? I don't know you anymore! I quit!"
"No, Namie! You can't quit... You promised that you'd support me no matter what… It's not like I totally forget about you, Namie. You're still my best actress! I've secured you a role that isn't less significant and challenging than the main character. Aren't you tired of playing the lead role all the time?"
"There is no role that will beat the main character, Ken. I don't care anymore about your play. I quit! Just don't come to me and beg if that rookie messes up your play."
The stunning senior Akari believed whose name was Namie left the director behind, she bumped into Akari on the way out. Intimidatingly, she ran her eye over the younger girl from head to toe and smirked. "You'll mess up, won't you?"
Akari wasn't sure what she meant by that. Who on earth would want to mess things up before they even started it?
Author's note: This would be the chapter that revolves heavily around Akari (and her idol life, also the start of her after school club life). No Tobio here, I hope you don't mind waiting. I promise he'll make an appearance in the next chapter ;)
Akari was only suggesting that she might suffer from a mental disorder. I've done my research as well. Although I'm not 100% confident with my portrayal of bipolar disorder. Even if my depiction appeared a bit ambiguous here, hopefully, I'll still have the chance to prove you I'm not entirely wrong in the next chapter!
Ah, have I told you that I split this part into two? Seems like there were more events going around in order to develop Akari's character as a whole. Can't wait to show you the dramatic scene involving the drama club! (no pun intended)
So, here's the explanation of each OC's role so that it'll make you follow the next chapter without difficulty!
Pink Panthers consisted of other 4 members, namely: Yua (trained the longest along with Akari but left the group recently due to personal issues, one of those is bipolar), Karen (the girl with bob hair and the one who provoked Akari), Sumire (the leader), and turns out I haven't named the other one lol (how about we just call her Y/N)
And from the drama club so far: Yamanaka Ken (the third year who acts as the director), and Namie (the veteran actress). Mega spoiler: Townsperson B might be introduced later (hell yeah! Are you excited?)
