I'm walking into my home and I'm white as a ghost.
"Holy crap!" my beautiful wife Ana sputters. "You're white as a ghost! What's wrong?"
"It's Elliott," I tell her. "He went to China for business and one of the traditions is to be taken to a Chinese whorehouse. It's a great honor."
She listens intently, picking the fuzz from her bellybutton.
"Can you believe it?" I continue. "He caught a dose of Hong Kong Dong, and his doctor here wants to AMPUTATE!"
"Osh kosh by gosh, Christian. What happened?"
"Well, Elliott decided to go back to China. Who better to treat his ailment than a doctor from the country the disease originated from?"
"Was the Chinese doctor able to help your brother?"
"Sort of," I say. "The doctor laughed when Elliott told him his American doctor wanted to amputate.
"'American doctors,' the old physician spat disgustedly . 'Always want to chop peepee off.'
"Elliott breathed a sigh of relief.
"'So, my peepeeāI mean, my PENIS-WON'T have to be cut off?'
"'Oh, no, no, no, no, no,' the doctor chuckled. 'You wait. In three or four weeks, your peepee will fall off by itself.'"
