Chapter 14|| Apologies

I woke up and felt heavy headed. I took in my surroundings and realized I was in my home, and in the family room. I was on the couch with a blanket draped over me with a pillow. I looked around and saw Sumire, Koko, Yuu, Hotaru and Ruka asleep. Sumire and Koko on a love couch with a blanket over them, Ruka and Hotaru on the floor and Yuu on the floor as well. What surprised was that I was Natsume were as well, sleeping. He was in sitting position leaned as against the wall. How did I get here? What time was it?

Then all the memories from yesterday came back, I remembered Natsume's conversation with Reo and they were planning to use as their next toy and bait If it is past midnight give or take. I feel as if the ground left my feet and would be swallowed any minute. I feel so betrayed. I knew that Natsume hated but to think he would actually go on and plan this idea behind my back was ridiculous and unforgivable.

My throat felt dry, so I remove blanket and get up on my two feet. My legs were a bit wobbly which caused me to fall back on the couch but I got up and walked over the kitchen for some water. When my feet hit the kitchen-tiled floor, shivers went up my body since the floor was so cold. I grab a glass from the cabinet and poor water. Drinking my water I close the tap and turn around walked, and bumped into something or much less, someone.

I stop drinking my water and look up to see whom it was and much to my surprise it was Natsume. We both stare into each others' eyes until he looks away. Maybe he wanted to say sorry?

"What are you doing here Natsume?" I try to start and break the awkward silence between us. His head snaps at me, with a scowl on his face. Why is he making that face towards me? It should be the other way around.

"What?" he asks coldly. Is this guy SERIOUS?!

"Quite with the attitude, okay? I heard you talking to Reo. Was it all true?" I ask, looking at him curiously. I hope he says that it was a misunderstanding or you missed something.

"Hn."

"You are gonna have to be a little more specific."

"Yes." He grits out. "Everything I said about was true and I meant every word of it. There is nothing wrong with telling the truth and whatever you heard me say about you to Reo is true. To me, you are nothing but a ghostly figure walking around in at school, my home, neighbor, wherever." He finishes with a stone face.

I look at him, and digest everything he just said to me. I turn place the glass back on the counter, look down and silently walk out of the kitchen and away from him. I knew that what he said at the moment was true about me, but saying it in a manner he just laid out was making me feel life less. No matter how hard I tired to befriend him, he always found as other girls he's been with. The fact that I thought that even though Natsume may finds me that way, he would be a little nice. As for my stupidity, I want to hit my head on the kitchen countertop. Repeatedly.

I look at the time and it is 11:00 pm at night. So it is almost the next day. I walk back into the family to make sure everyone was still sleeping. I pull the blanket over Ruka and Hotaru shoulders so it would be worn. I looked over at Sumire and Koko and they seem comfortable enough. I pick up a few things that were miss placed and place them.

"Hey" I near Natsume call out to me in a whisper since everyone is asleep. I ignored him and pick up some things. I walk over to pick up my bag and place it over my shoulders to take it upstairs.

"Hey" Natsume says getting a hold of my arm, but I shrug it off and head upstairs to my room as quietly as possible. I hear him follow behind me. Before I could open my bedroom door, I was harshly turn to face Natsume.

"This s the first time I have ever tired to reach out to you, and you ignore me and give me the silent treatment. Unbelievable." Natsume scowls.

I look at him in disbelief and give him a hard shove that shocks him. "Unbelievable?" I reply incredulously. "You wanna know what is unbelievable Natsume? Huh? The fact that you have been treating me like crap for the past two weeks, and you expect me to forgive and forget what you've done to me."

He rolls his eyes, "Hn, you are the type of girl that can forgive anyone and everyone which means you are just upset that I am not into you at all this morning's incident confirmed that, so you couldn't help but feel sorry for yourself because, despite everything that you tired for the past few days and I still don't wanna hook up with you or fuck you."

I stare at him. "Is that what you think this is all about? You think that I have been consistently trying to befriend you, because I could sleep with you?"

"Yes, isn't that what they all want?"

Is he really this much head over heels with himself? I opened my mouth, prepared to tell him the real reason why I have been trying to befriend him over the past two weeks: That I felt he needed a friend that would be able to help him out.

Seeing my hesitation, Natsume narrows his eyes at me, "Why have you been so nice to me, after everything that I have done?" he asks. "Is it for popularity?"

"NO!" I whisper-yell at him, keeping in mind that people are sleeping downstairs.

"Well then why?"

"Because…"

"Just tell me damn it. It is a simple question."

"It's because I thought you needed a friend." I mumble quietly looking doen at my feet. I can feel my cheeks were red, but I knew he heard me.

"What?"

"Because I thought you needed a friend!"

Natsume mouths shuts as he stares at me intensely for a moment, his crimson eyes studying my facial expressions. "You felt sorry for me?" he scoffs.

"I didn't say that. I just thought that you might be lonely, and I know that everyone needs a friend, so I—"

"You felt sorry for me?" he repeats, letting out a huge laughter as he watches me for along moment before speaking, " That is real fucking laugh Mikan. A real fucking laugh."

I open my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"The only person I fucking feel sorry for is you?" he says and continues "you have no backbone whatsoever, you think that everyone loves you when really they just use you because they know you'll take them back regardless of anything. You act like you are saint, boring, plain, and the most obnixous girl anyone could ever meet."

I glare at him hard. "there is more than enough negative energy in this world and I'll be damned if I contribute so that I have the ability to make people happy," I snap at him before continuing "So yes, maybe I am a bit of a pushover, maybe I am boring, plain, and maybe people are only my friend because I will always be there for them no matter what they say or do, but at least I am not a cold-hearted freaking jerk. So screw you Natsume."

I walk in my room and shut the door behind, not bothering to see his face.

Couple hours later….

I shoot up from my bed with a scream; my heart pounding, my breath wavering and my skin covered in coat of sweat.

Nobara

My mind races back to middle school, and I hold on to my shaking hands. I suck in a sharp breath before exhaling it, trying to calm myself down.

It was my entire fault. Everything was my fault. Everything is always my fault.

Suddenly my bedroom door swings open revealing a frantic Natsume with a badminton racket gripped in one hand.

Where did he find the racket?

"I hope you didn't come here to club me to death." I sniffle jokingly.

When Natsume catches the sight of me, he release a breath of relief, "What the fuck happened?" he hisses. "I was laying on the couch when I heard you screaming bloody murder" his eyes darted towards the dark empty hall, " Good thing you didn't wake up anyone else." He turns back to me after a long moment of silence. "What happened?"

"How did you get that racket? They are always in my room." I ask in confusion.

"Don't avoid the topic. Tell me."

I shake my head no, not wanting to talk because I am too scared. If I did talk about it, I'll ending up crying and I don't want to cry in front of Natsume.

"Mikan…" he grits out in a threating tone and walks towards me.

"Nothing…" I croak, "I just… I just had a nightmare." I reply truthfully, well half-truth the least.

My eyes widen as I see Natsume doing something unexpected, he takes a seat on my bed next to me, "You're crying." He tells me. I shake my head, patting the back of my hands over my cheeks. Sure enough they were soaked tears.

"No, I'm Mikan." I joke weakly before sniffling. He doesn't laugh and I roll my eyes, "I know, it was bad joke."

"Yes it was," he responds simply. Wow real confidence buddy. "You're crying right know and then you are trying to crack a joke like nothing even happened. Don't beat around the bush and tell me what is going on?"

"Why should I tell you?"

He opens his mouth and tries to answer my question. "W-Well…Not me… but at least don't bottle up your feelings. It's really unhealthy. You'll go insane, trust me." He says, I can tell by his voice there is some history behind those words.

As much as I hate to admit it, Natsume is right but there is no way am I telling him what happened to me in middle school. "You're right. But I don't want to talk about it." I say "I just want to forget about it."

More than that, I never wanted it to have happened. I miss her. So much.

"Hn. Get up and follow me" he commands, pushing me off my bed signaling that I have no choice but to follow. Who is he to command me around in my house!? "but be quiet. We don't wanna wake anyone up." I furrow my eyebrows and open my mouth to say something, but he is already out of my room and into the dark hall.

I shut my mouth and stare at the door for a long moment. I didn't know what to do or whether to even trust him after all he's said and done to me. I am still angry him, definitely, but I know that I wouldn't get sleep anytime soon and right now I really didn't care about anything else besides recovering from my dream. I am still shaken up.

I eventually climb out of my bed and into the hall and down the stairs where he is standing. "So what's the pl-?"

"Shh…" he hushes, placing a hand over my mouth " everyone is still asleep and we can't wake them up."

I purse my lips together and nod vigously. I don't know what he is planning but for some reason I feel though as if I can trust him. I am already sad enough as it is and I know he is a bad guy, but not bad enough to kick a person while they are down. I'm hoping, the least.

Natsume wakes his hand, signaling to follow him, so I do. " The front door is loud so we are gonna leave through the back."

"okay" I mumble dubiously, my fists clenching in anguish. We leave through my backyard door and on to the driveway. He gets on his bike and starts the motor while I sit behind him holding on to his shoulders for balance. After I settled we zoomed off the driveway and into the street. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist so I won't fall off.

"We're here." Natsume states, steering his bike into a car spot. My eyes consume our surroundings and my heart plummets at what was standing before us.

"Oh god, I knew this was too good to be true." I cry, stepping off the bike and away from him. "You are going to kill me aren't you?"

Natsume stares at me for a solid moment before he begins to shake with laughter and his lips. Then "HAHAHAHA!" he laughs historically.

Oh god, he is a maniac. I think horrified.

"Hn. You'll see what I have to show you" he syas, stepping off his bike. I unclip the helmet and give it to him. "It's 2:00 am right now. Hopefully you won't fall asleep in class later today." He says.

I smile at his concern and answer with, "I'm tired on Mondays regardless of my sleep schedule. Besides, I wouldn't have gotten much sleep anyway if I was still in bed." And so I follow him gingerly to the building. Nervousness eats me up as we draw closer to the building. Even if Natsume's intentions are pure, that doesn't change the fact that this building looks as if it's been taken right out of a horror movie.

"If we die, I blame it on you, by the way," I assure him, and I hear a laugh escape Natsume mouth as he leads me around the side of the building into a secluded alleyway. He presents a dangling key to me before turning back to the building, "When I was younger I discovered this building after having a run-in with the police. I needed a place to hide and I found this building so I went into here." After a few tugs and twists of the key, the door jolts open and Natsume smiles at me triumphantly, "Anyway, I thought the building was pretty sick, so I cleaned it up, changed the locks, and called it my own," he picks up a torch perched on a dusty table and it flickers on, illuminating the room, "I come here whenever I need to clear my mind."

"How does a creepy, dusty, dark building help you clear your mind?"

"Hn. It's what's on top of the building, not the inside."

"Oo. That's deep."

He snickers before walking into a narrow hallway where, at the end of the path, a staircase sits. The two of us climb up the flight of stairs and we eventually reach the top. Natsume pushes the door at the top of the staircase and a cool breeze embraces us. I step out of the confines of the building and onto the rooftop. "Wow," I breathe in awe. The rooftop is almost empty, with only a single chair perched by the edge of the roof. But what amazed me was the building's stunning view. Thousands of lights spread across the vast land. Lights from houses, cars, street lamps; all sorts of things. It was quite an incredible sight, to say the least. Natsume tags behind me and smirks when he sees my gob smacked expression. He steps into my line of vision and speaks to me in a deep, wise voice, "Everything the light touches is yours," he declares, waving his hand in the direction of the city.

"Thank you, Mufasa." I laugh at my joke and so does he.

Natsume grins mischievously and walks over to the single chair. He takes a seat on the ground and breathes out a sigh, averting his gaze to the infinite black sky.

I follow after him and look up at the sky, too. "It's amazing."

"I know," he agrees, before looking up at me and patting the chair beside him, "Sit," he orders, and I smile, taking a seat in the chair. "The view is amazing, and it's a nice place to get an escape from people and to just think."

"It's a good place for that," I agree as I stare at the view, "I'm still angry at you just so you know," I remind him.

"I know, and I still hate you."

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, you've made that pretty clear." We fall silent for a long moment, just staring out at the view, "So do you and your friends come here often?" I question curiously, breaking the silence.

"No, they don't know about it," he shrugs, and I raise my eyebrows in surprise. He turns to me with a faint smile on his face, "You're officially the first person I've ever taken here. Feeling special?"

"Very special," I nod with a laugh.

"This is our spot, okay? Don't tell anyone. I don't want people knowing about it."

"Sure," I agree.

"So what happened earlier?" he asks.

I look back at him with a playful smile, "You're not the only one with secrets, Natsume," I reply, recalling the night he was drunk and talked about escaping from his past.

"Okay, I'll accept that," he shrugs.

A big smile stretches across my face, "Cool," I grin. I was happy that he could accept that I can't tell him everything about my life and me.

He notices my grin and rolls his eyes, "Jesus. You find the silver lining in everything, don't you?"

"Yeah," I nod, "Is that such a bad thing?"

He ponders my question, "I dunno. I guess it's a good thing, but it can also make you miserable if you always hope for the best."

"Are you an optimist, realist or pessimist?"

"Pessimist."

"Hm," I hum, surprised, "But why? There's a lot to be happy about."

"Millions of people are dying all around the world, dealing with poverty, struggling to fend for themselves and going through all this shit, so what gives me the right to be happy?"

"True. But I think the question is what gives you the right to be unhappy?" I correct him with a sly smile, "You should be grateful for all that you have. Not everything has to be horrible or-or complicated or anything. You're right many people have troubles and complications but it is also a way to end if people are willing."

He thinks about that for a moment, "True," he eventually mutters.

The two of us continue on with a casual conversation - a pleasant conversation, surprisingly enough. We talked about all sorts of things; what we would do if we were invincible for a day, where we would go if we could travel anywhere in the world, what super power we want, whether we would like to know the day we die or how we die. The list was endless.

Talking to him so casually seemed so surreal. For the past two weeks we've done nothing but fight, and now it was like we were actually friends.

"I was a bit quick to judge, wasn't I?" Natsume mutters, running his hand through his hair and exhaling a frustrated sigh.

"Huh?"

The corner of his mouth tilts upwards, "You're not half-bad, little girl," he clarifies.

"You-you..." I stammer, baffled by his words.

His cheeks redden, "Fuck," he breathes, "Don't act like I just said something sentimental," he scowls.

"I'm not a little girl, and I'm just surprised."

"Right," he replies, unconvinced, "Anyway I'm sorry for being a fucking prick over the two weeks. I just really hated you because I assumed you were this stuck-up princess who pretends she's some sort of saint."

"Hey-!"

"I know you aren't like that now, Mikan," he interrupts me, rolling his eyes.

"Oh. Okay."

"Anyway, I'm sorry for all the shit I've put you through."

I purse my lips and hesitate. The smart thing to do would be not accepting his apology, but I'm absolutely horrible at holding grudges against people and, truthfully, I had forgiven him even before he apologized to me. I really hope I don't regret this. "I forgive you."

He smiles and nods his head, "Cool."

"So, um..." I hum, "Does this mean we're friends?"

Natsume averts his gaze back to the stars and ponders my question for a moment, "I guess..." he drawls, feigning hesitance.

"Ha-ha, you're hilarious. That was a real knee-slapper right there, I tell you."

This causes him to laugh and he smiles at me, making my heart skip a beat. That smile will be the death of me, I swear.

"Nah, we can be friends, I guess," he answers casually, not nearly as excited as I am, clearly. He looks at his phone and his eyes widen when he sees the time, "Shit. It's 2:53am already."

"Oh no, we're going to be so tired in the morning."

Natsume hops onto his feet and holds a hand out for me. I gladly take it and he pulls me up. But before I can regain my footing, he lets go and I fall flat on my bum. "Natsume-kunnn..." I whine.

"Come on, clumsy," he replies, turning on his heels and walking over to the building's door.

"I am not clumsy," I protest. Okay, I am clumsy - very clumsy. But I won't give him the satisfaction of thinking otherwise. I hear him laugh and I quickly hop onto my feet, hurrying after him. "You're an ass, you know that?"

"A hot ass," he corrects cheekily and I laugh.

Well I can't argue with that.