Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl. I own nothing.
The Long Way Home: Chapter 9
Aki didn't release Ueno's warm, comforting fingers once. He grasped his fingers snugly during the walk back to the hotel, through the quick trip across the lobby, on the elevator ride to the ninth floor, and down the hallway to his apartment door.
Ueno was content to be dragged along, his head still reeling.
He'd essentially bullied Aki into accepting him, but he didn't feel guilty or unsure of his actions now that he understood why Aki had tried to distance himself. If he hadn't been so demanding, he would be at home alone right now, still wondering what had gone wrong. He still found the situation incredibly puzzling; he didn't understand how one person could harbor so much guilt that they would willingly refuse to get close or trust anyone, including their own family. Aki definitely operated on a separate level. Under any other circumstance, Ueno would have found it ridiculous.
Then again, Ueno was squeaky clean, and didn't understand such things.
Well, he had been squeaky clean, until he had found a random stranger gagged and bound in a closet, and then proceeded to pound him into the flooring. The transition wasn't seamless. And if dealing with the memories and repercussions wasn't enough, it was another thing to all of sudden catapult from the world of uncertainty and longing into the land of boyfriend and boyfriend.
And Ueno was discovering that he knew nothing about the fair-skinned, beautiful man who held his fingers in a death grip. But anything Aki wanted to provide, he would accept and treasure.
Their relationship was horribly backwards. Worse than backwards, it was disorganized in every way possible. Throw into that the way they met, Aki's father and their little conversation on a well-lit downtown sidewalk, and it resulted in a majorly confusing pairing.
Oh well, Ueno thought to himself, almost cheerfully. This was definitely not the way he would have wanted to start a relationship with anyone, but that didn't mean he didn't want it.
They both stopped while Aki unlocked the door, nudging it open and leading Ueno inside. He released Ueno's hand once they entered the apartment. They stood just inside the doorway, unsure of how to proceed.
"Please, come in." Eventually, Aki gestured toward the living area, and Ueno silently stepped out of his shoes and took a seat on the couch while Aki walked past the living area and into the bedroom. He emerged a minute later, settling down next to him.
Ueno hadn't completely lost his sense of humor; he snickered quietly as he noticed that Aki had fixed his hair. Must be fun to live in a hotel. This is a nice place."
"Thank you." Aki smiled. "We may not get along very well, but my dad did come through and take care of me when I had no other place to go."
Ueno took a deep, calming breath. "Is it okay to ask why you don't get along?"
"I guess it's a poor choice of words. He tried to get along with me, but I wasn't very open to him. He still tries, but I'm still not very comfortable around him, and I don't trust him completely."
Ueno wasn't satisfied with Aki's reply; it was horribly vague. But at least Aki was trying, and he planned on abiding by his promise not to apply pressure. Ueno would take any information given. "Your dad didn't ask any questions about where you'd been? Did he already know?"
"No, and no. Dad didn't ask. He had no idea what I'd been up to, only where I was living. But I was able to call him sometimes, and I was allowed to visit during holidays and birthdays, so I'm sure he assumed that I was fine. We weren't on the best of terms when I moved out, so no one from home expected to hear from me often."
"Allowed." Ueno echoed, wondering what Aki hadn't been permitted to do. "Did you have a lot of rules?" He sat back in his seat, arranging himself in a more comfortable position.
"Some." Aki hands were curled over his knees, and Ueno could see that he clenched his fingers occasionally while speaking. "I wasn't allowed to call home if he wasn't around to hear everything I said, and he was strict about my appearance. He used to pick out all of my clothes, tell me how to do my hair. When I wanted to get my ears pierced, he threw a fit. He doesn't like tattoos, piercings, anything like that. He told me that if I wanted to mutilate my body that badly, he'd do it for me. I dropped it, of course. I had my own bedroom and bathroom, but they weren't decorated. He controlled everything."
Aki frowned. Of course, he remembered it all vividly, but putting a voice to his memories was strange, giving them life again. While he didn't like discussing his time with his master, this was safe territory since Ueno already knew part of it, and he found that once he began talking, the words came easily.
"I couldn't leave the house without him, except on specific occasions, like visiting my parents. I had to be back by a certain time, had to check in, and if I was late, he'd track me down. My master wasn't your typical… whatever. He didn't fit a mold. I had all of the standard rules that you'd imagine if you were a prisoner, and he was obviously in charge. He had some strange tendencies, but sometimes he was lenient. And I didn't feel like a prisoner, at least not at first."
Ueno swallowed. "How.."
Aki gazed at Ueno expectantly, waiting for him to form his question.
"How did you come to live with him in the first place?"
"Let's just say that I had no choice in the matter except to move in with him, unless I wanted some very bad things to happen."
Ueno waited for Aki to continue, but was rewarded with dead silence.
"How was living with him? Your injuries- did that happen a lot?"
"No, not often. He only raised his hand to me when he felt like he was losing control of the situation. And that only happened when I wouldn't give him what he wanted. That was rare. You learn not to deny a man as unpredictable as him. Even then, his punishments weren't as severe as the last time I saw him."
Aki's eyes narrowed as he watched his master rifle through the contents of his closet, yanking at the articles of clothing so roughly that the hangers swung wildly on the closet bar. There were several bags scattered on his carpeted floor, already filled with his hair products and personal possessions. He knew better than to argue or try to save his stuff, but he was loathe seeing his favorite items go. He had spent a small fortune on his wardrobe alone.
Aki sighed, clasping his hands together in his lap. "When I first came to live with him, he was actually nice to me. He left me alone, and I started to get used to the apartment and more comfortable around him. For the first month or so, he let me do whatever I wanted. When he got more possessive, it was gradual, so I didn't feel trapped right away. Then he started to control the way I looked and some of my routines. I had to take a shower and wash my hair twice a day, at specific times. He had someone come in every so often to cut and style my hair. I had to shave certain body parts and leave others alone. He came home one day with new clothes for me, and he threw out everything I brought with me; shoes, everything."
Ueno sat up straight, turning his body slightly, so he was able to watch Aki while he spoke. "And after the first month?"
It wasn't that bad. Aki reclined against his pillows as the hand on his chest urged him to lean back. His breath escaped his lips in small pants and he fought the urge to push against the still-foreign sensation of being invaded.
Aki flinched as a droplet of moisture fell from above, splattering as it met his skin. He steeled himself against the violent reaction of being bathed in someone else's bodily fluids as the amount of droplets increased, as well as the frequency.
"Just lie still." The deep voice washed over his already-warm cheeks, creating an almost unbearable heat, and Aki turned his head to the side, resting his face against the coolness of his silk encased pillows.
"It was a slow process. First it was sex occasionally, then all of the time and to be honest, it really didn't bother me. I knew I could live with it. I thought I could do anything for him, because even though I didn't want to live with him, I didn't hate him. The games started later. Thank goodness it didn't happen every day, but at least once a week, he'd find a reason to have a random visitor come to the apartment and find me. Some of the time, they knew what to expect, but most of them had no idea what they were going to find when they came in."
"Like me." Ueno couldn't process how Aki could have been okay with the situation, or how Aki could still have liked the man. He didn't understand how a relationship could go from sex to being trapped in a closet as bait. He found himself back in that closet, reliving the day he had discovered his charge for the afternoon, and almost cringed when he pictured other faceless men presented with the sight of Aki naked on the closet floor.
"Like you." Aki echoed. "Although, when you told me you were a pet sitter looking for a bunny, I was surprised. That was the first time he had used that particular story, or given someone my real name. Sometimes it was a repair man, someone that needed to install something, a delivery man, an exterminator, you name it."
"And he wanted you to-" Ueno stopped, biting his lower lip.
"Have sex with them?" Aki provided helpfully. "Sex was his expectation."
Ueno tried not to focus on the fact that some or all of the traps that had been placed had ended up with Aki having to perform. He didn't want to inquire any further about the number of successful attempts.
"Were you two involved?" Ueno felt incredibly childish asking the question, but he wanted to know.
Aki's eyes opened and he stiffened. "No. Not as boyfriends. That's what it felt like at first, like we were together. But that wasn't his intention. It wasn't mine either. When he didn't need anything from me, he left me alone. Since I wasn't allowed to leave, I spent most of the time by myself."
"Doing what?"
Aki never thought he would admit this, not when he had tried so hard to stay isolated under normal circumstances, but he was lonely. He wasn't much for television, and he'd long since read every book he'd been given. He made a mental note to give his master another book list. He didn't mind Aki reading, and quickly filled most of his requests.
He had no interest in browsing the internet, either. Spending day in and day out on the computer had been fun- the first day.
For the first time in as long as he could remember, he wanted to sit while his mother or sisters fussed over him, asking stupid questions about his day. He wouldn't even have minded his father's awkward attempts at humor as he tried to joke with Aki about one of his outfits or choice of hairstyle.
But he didn't have that option anymore. Aki sat in the middle of his bed-his favorite spot- with legs folded Indian style, hands braced on each knee while he gazed blankly at the wall in front of him. It was just like the other four; bland, without personality.
"I couldn't talk on the phone if he wasn't around, and I didn't have visitors or anything else to distract me. I had a TV and books to read, so I wasn't completely bored, but that stuff gets old after a while. Wanting to be a hermit is a lot different than not being permitted to see anyone. I think that was the first time in my life I wanted a pet. But my master told me that he only had room for one. He wasn't always cruel, though. If I asked for anything within reason, he got it for me. He treated me like a pet, but he also felt that pets should be pampered and spoiled when they behaved."
"Okay." Ueno felt both enlightened and confused by Aki's explanations. The overload of information had only resulted in Ueno wanting to inquire further, but he understood that he had probably almost reached the end of his rope. It would have been easier if Aki could just start from the beginning, but Ueno had a feeling that there were all kinds of small snippets of information that Aki wasn't willing to provide, and Ueno couldn't force it out of him. He would have to accept the information given if he wanted Aki to trust him. Keeping his word was the first step.
Aki looked winded, Ueno noticed after closer scrutiny. He looked at his watch, and was startled to discover the time. He hadn't felt like they had been talking for very long, but an hour had already passed.
He ignored the late hour. There were a few more things he needed to ask. He sat quietly, composing his question carefully before voicing it and even then, Ueno experienced difficulty getting his words out without stumbling.
"When I came over that day, you were- well, you know how I found you."
"Aki-chan!"
Aki cracked open an eye, slightly alarmed at hearing his name being called in that sing-song manner. How did this guy know his name?
His headache, while not as horribly painful as before, still ached in a dull way that was in some cases worse than the persistent throbbing he'd experienced earlier.
He wasn't frightened; he was annoyed. As if it wasn't enough to sleep with the random men his master arranged to have come to the apartment- now his master was now telling them who to ask for?
Aki waited in the darkness; really, what else could he do? He listened carefully as impending footfalls sounded on the carpeting, approaching hesitantly.
Then there was a clicking sound as the double doors of the closet were simultaneously pulled open. Aki lay there calmly, waiting for the reaction. It was always the same; initial shock for the unsuspecting and chuckles of satisfaction for those who knew what they were getting.
The strangled gasp was confusing. Hadn't his master given the man his name? Hadn't he known what he'd find?
This guy wasn't necessarily a man; he looked to be about Aki's own age. As his gaze swept over Aki's naked, tousled form, he noted that the stranger didn't seem to be the type to indulge in extreme sexual fantasies. He appeared to be the type of guy who ate breakfast each and every morning, did all of his homework ahead of time, and helped old ladies with groceries brave the crosswalks. Indeed, his expression held no obvious signs of arousal.
He was obviously horrified.
"Yeah." Aki affirmed, a small smile lifting one corner of his lips. "I remember."
"You said that he only hurt you when you made him angry. Did you upset him that day?"
His delicate skin stung a bit. He had lost his concept of time without a watch or clock to consult, of course, and as he rested there, he wondered how long he had to wait, how long he had already waited before he could finish off whoever showed up and he could finally be left to himself.
He was irritated, needless to say, but not for the obvious reason of being deposited in a closet naked. He'd been taking a nap in lieu of taking any over -the- counter drugs for the splitting headache he'd had all morning and early afternoon. He'd been roused, not by a knock on his door or a voice, but the merry tinkling of what Aki could now easily identify by sound alone as handcuffs.
It had been stupid to struggle, and Aki was normally more mindful of the consequences for defiance. The consequence had been a hard slap to his cheek, and being forcibly removed from his clothing while he struggled, more angry than afraid.
It hadn't taken long, even with the fight included. In what seemed to be an instant, he was gagged, tied, and cuffed appropriately. Had he been a good boy, he would have been allowed to walk before his legs were bound, but he'd ruined that chance by resisting, and as his master wrapped his fingers firmly around Aki's wrists and began to tug, Aki wished he'd been a better sport.
The nap of the rug burned delicate skin as he was pulled from his bedroom and he closed his eyes, unsuccessfully attempting to ignore the sensation.
Seconds later, Aki experienced relief, despite the darkness. As he heard the front door slam, he lay in the same position in which he had been left, and waited.
And waited.
"A little. I hadn't been feeling well and I wasn't in a good mood. When he came to me and tried to tie me, I fought him, which I don't ever do. But he won, restrained me in my bedroom, and then dragged me to the closet. I must have been there for hours before you showed up. I never know what he had planned; the only warning I got was being restrained. That's how I knew something was going to happen."
Ueno nodded. That would explain the scratches and scrapes, along with the apparent signs of him struggling with his ties and handcuffs.
"One more question." Ueno then asked the most important question, at least to him. "What happened after I left?"
"He got a violent with me, and threw me out of his apartment."
"I know that." Ueno replied, a little frustrated with Aki's succinct explanation. "You told me that you defied him. How did you defy him? And what did he do?"
Aki, who had been facing forward through the entire conversation, stole a peek at Ueno out of the corner of his eye. He then angled his body as well, so that they were both facing one another.
"I told him off." Aki explained. "I told him what I just told you. That I had liked him, that I thought I could do anything for him, but that I was wrong. I guess even I had a breaking point."
Ueno visibly relaxed, now knowing that Aki hadn't just been cast away; that he had rejected his master. "And that made him angry."
"Nope." Aki shook his head before continuing. "I told him that if he wanted a pet, he needed to keep looking, find someone else. He laughed at me, because of course he still had the upper hand, and then dragged me back to my room. He locked me in, and I didn't hear from him again until later that night."
Ueno's eyes narrowed. "What happened?"
"I was asleep by then. I hadn't been feeling well earlier, like I said. After you left, I was really tired, needless to say. I must have been sleeping deeply, because I didn't hear him unlock the door or get into bed with me."
"Did he force you to have sex with him?" Ueno didn't feel any less childish with this particular question either, but he really didn't care at this point.
Aki shook his head again, fighting to hold back the vision. "I wouldn't call it rape. I woke up as he was starting. I wasn't prepared, so it hurt. But I didn't tell him to stop, didn't say no, didn't scream or fight him, nothing. I just stayed still and let him have me. That was a mistake."
"How?"
"Because I had two options: I could have put up a fight, or I could have participated. If I'd fought him, he still would have won, but once he dominated me and felt like he had me back under control, he would have calmed down. If I'd played along, he would have assumed I had changed my mind and realized my role again, and he would have been satisfied. But I chose a third option: which was not to react. But not doing anything at all was an insult to him, like I didn't care enough. And I didn't care anymore. I just wanted him to hurry up and finish. I looked him in the eye and told him to go ahead. He tried, but he couldn't stay.. hard."
Aki shrugged his shoulders simply. "And that made him angry. Then he beat the hell out of me and told me to leave."
Ueno had no reply. He sat completely still, pieces coming together, some fitting, some without a mate, while Aki continued with no further prompting.
"I think that was my only option. I know I couldn't have left any other way. It would have been almost impossible to sneak out, and simply telling him I wanted to leave wouldn't have worked. I had to piss him off enough, had to make him want me gone. If I'd known that simply not responding to him in bed would have done the trick, I would have tried it sooner."
"I'm sorry," Ueno said lamely, staring at his hands while Aki stared in confusion.
"You don't have a reason to be sorry."
"I knew you were a prisoner there. When you told me to go, I took off and left you there to deal with him alone. I should have taken you with me."
"Taken me where? Ueno, he wouldn't have let me go with you. I told you he was close by. We wouldn't have made it out of the building. Even if we had, we wouldn't have gotten far, and I guarantee he would have punished both of us. I don't expect anyone to take a beating on my behalf, especially a stranger."
Aki leaned forward and gently took both of the other man's hands. "I told you to leave for your own safety, and I'm glad you listened. I don't want you to feel guilty about this."
"I know you did. But it's not easy trying to picture what happened after I left. Not to mention the fact that I treated you the way I did."
"Which is?" Aki was puzzled. What was Ueno talking about?
"Like everyone else who ended up in that apartment."
Aki had no idea how to answer Ueno, how to bring him peace over what taken place that afternoon, so he relied on logic. "I told you then that if we didn't do what he expected, that we both would have been in trouble. I didn't leave you any choice."
Ueno nodded, ill at ease, but dropping the issue and slowly composing himself. He had no more questions to ask for the time being. He was pleasantly surprised that Aki had opened up as much as he had, considering Aki had told him that there were parts of his life he'd never be able to discuss. Apparently his master wasn't one of those subjects. "Thank you for explaining."
"Yeah." Aki glanced at the clock, and gave Ueno's hands a shake. "It's late."
"I know." Ueno fingers slipped from Aki's grasp as he got to his feet and stretched. "I'm sorry I kept you up so late. I'll see you at school later, right?"
Aki followed suit, fidgeting. "I'll be there. But I wasn't telling you to leave."
"Oh." Ueno said, dumbly.
"You should go home in the morning and get some sleep now." Aki honestly meant nothing inappropriate, although he understood what could be derived from his suggestion.
Ueno was grateful for the invite. First school, then starting a new job, their confrontation, followed by their talk had left him winded. After acknowledging how stressful his day had been, he realized he didn't want to deal with the walk home right then.
"Is it okay to sleep here?" Ueno gestured to the couch. "Do you have an extra blanket?"
"Sure." Aki walked to his bedroom to fetch said blanket, scowling the entire way. Really, was Ueno that thick? They couldn't share his bed like two mature adults? While Aki hadn't meant that they should go at it like rabbits, he didn't see a problem with sleeping next to him. He opened the double doors of his closet, snatching a thick spare comforter from a high shelf, but had successfully hidden his sulk under a generic expression by the time he returned to the living room.
"Here you go." Aki passed Ueno the blanket and watched as he spread it over the cushions before shrugging out of his snug fitting hooded sweatshirt. The action mussed up his hair, making it spike more than usual, but it wasn't unattractive. The way Ueno's body was displayed by his t-shirt was difficult to ignore. It wasn't skin tight, but it clung to his shape slightly, providing a pleasant outline of his chest and midsection. Ueno was no beefcake, but he had a healthy, slightly muscular profile, compact and slender. He was stuck with a childish urge to cuddle with it. He'd never felt such a strong urge to cuddle before- come to think of it, he couldn't remember ever cuddling, period.
"Aki?"
Aki jumped. "What did you say?"
"I said good night." Ueno stared at Aki quizzically. "Are you okay?"
"Of course." Aki nodded.
"Okay." Ueno tossed his sweatshirt over the arm of the couch and turned back to Aki, stepping forward.
Aki closed his eyes as Ueno pulled him into their second hug of the night. He slid his arms around Ueno's midsection and pressed his cheek to Ueno's shoulder.
As they stood there, clinging to one another, Aki had to admit that this type of contact was almost as satisfying as the other. It didn't last nearly long enough, and Aki again was forced to hide his unsavory expression as Ueno released him. Aki did find it strange how Ueno could behave in such a bashful manner most of the night, and then all of a sudden initiate contact, almost as an afterthought. Or perhaps he had been trying to work up the nerve.
"Good night, Ueno." Aki felt the urge to leave the room, where he could sulk and pout to his heart's content. So that's exactly what Aki did, after shutting his bedroom door and changing into comfortable clothing.
His bed had never seemed so large before. It probably never would have, if he hadn't been thinking about how he'd be sleeping in it all alone. The funny thing was, he'd slept in it alone every night since he'd moved in, and hadn't minded before. Aki didn't anticipate an easy sleep, which would surely result in a hellish morning, but at least he had the comfort of knowing Ueno was in the next room even if they weren't together.
Ueno, however, had no problem falling asleep. It seemed like only minutes after Aki had dimmed the lights and left for his bedroom that he settled down on his side, pulling the blanket over his body, and began to drift away. He'd had a long day, and he needed some rest before he ran home in the morning to get showered and changed so that he could start it all over again.
He was floating, on the cusp of a deep sleep, when the couch dipped slightly from added weight, and he could sense a mass hovering over him. The couch then emitted a whooshing sound as whatever had been suspended above him landed on the cushions behind him.
His words were slurred. "What are you doing?"
Aki wiggled into a more comfortable position. "Going to sleep. Are you stingy with blankets?"
Ueno awoke fully after one of Aki's elbows embedded itself in his side. "Not that I know of. Your bed has got to be more comfortable than sharing a couch with me, though."
"It is." Aki turned towards the back of the couch, providing no further explanation.
Ueno was officially amused, despite his sleep deprived state. "Then why are you here?"
"Because you are." Aki replied huffily.
"Oh." Ueno said as understanding dawned. "Why didn't you just ask me to sleep in your room?"
"Why did you ask to sleep on the couch?"
Ueno laughed quietly. "It would be rude to ask to sleep in your bed. This is your place. You get cranky when you're sleepy, don't you?"
"Be quiet." Aki bit out crossly, applying his elbow again, this time purposely.
Ueno flinched, but was delighted by the development. He couldn't resist teasing him. "I think some bones just fell out of your closet."
Aki didn't answer him, but being in such close proximity, Ueno felt and heard his deep sigh.
"If we both sleep in your bed, will you stop being pissy?"
"I am not pissy." Aki ground out, then paused before adding to his statement. "Yes."
"Alright." Ueno tossed back the blanket and rolled off the couch to his feet. He reached down, taking Aki's hand and helping him stand. "Come on. Lead me."
Aki felt a little juvenile, but that didn't stop him from experiencing a brief flash of triumph. At least he'd gotten what he wanted. He would have remained on the couch and suffered stiffness in the morning if he'd had to, but luckily Ueno had deciphered his not-so-subtle hint. Explaining part of his time with his master, while difficult, had a positive effect and Aki felt himself quite a bit more comfortable with Ueno's presence. The irritability he felt could have been due to fatigue, especially since had tossed and turned in his bed for over thirty minutes, wondering when the hell Ueno was going to give up and ask to come in, which he hadn't.
"Do you want something to sleep in?"
"I'm fine with what I have on." Ueno wasn't quite ready to share clothing. He stood at the foot of the bed, faced with indecision. "Which side is yours?"
Aki raised a brow. "The middle."
"That's not an answer."
"Yes, it is. You pick whatever side you want. I'll sleep in the middle."
Ueno gave up and chose the right side of the bed, before Aki flicked the light switch and they both slid into their chosen locations.
Aki did as he had warned; after Ueno got settled on his side of the bed, he shifted around until he found a comfortable position in the middle.
Ueno lay quietly, listening to Aki alternate his position, punch his pillow, and arrange blankets. Eventually he stilled, and the room was silent.
Ueno had almost drifted off again when the pillow punching resumed, which resulted in an accompanying squeaking of the mattress. What a fussy sleeper. "Lift your head." Aki did as instructed, and Ueno flipped onto his side, arm outstretched. "Here."
Aki dropped his head on the offered limb, fighting a yawn as Ueno gathered him closer with his other arm, arranging him until he felt Aki's warm breath ghost softly across his neck. "That's better." Aki murmured sleepily.
"Yeah." It was better for him too. Ueno's hand made its way to the nape of Aki's neck, running his fingers through silkiness he found there, and was rewarded with a rumbling akin to a purr as Aki melted into him more fully and their legs became entangled. "Wow."
"What?"
"Rabbit was not an accurate term for you. Earlier tonight, your hair reminded me of a rooster. A few minutes ago you were moving around and pawing at your bed like a dog trying to get comfortable. And now you're purring."
Aki burrowed into Ueno's shoulder, which would fast become a favorite location for his head. He did suffer from irritability when he was denied sleep, but the transition from surly to cheerful had been instantaneous. His hand slid to the small of Ueno's back, fisting in the cotton of his shirt. "You have animals on the brain. Always the pet sitter."
"I guess." Ueno closed his eyes and impulsively pressed a chaste kiss to Aki's cheek, continuing to massage Aki's scalp with his fingers. "Now, get your cranky ass to sleep."
