Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.


The Long Way Home: Chapter 18

Ueno, as known by nearly everyone familiar with him, never let much bother him to the point of distraction, and was typically, at the very least, okay with most situations, no matter how weird.

Aki supposed that as far as the two of them were concerned, Ueno's attitude was a plus. It made him more resilient and accepting; a lesser man would never have endured what Ueno had. Aki knew he wouldn't be able to blame Ueno if he had decided to bolt, but that wonderful personality was responsible for his ability to see the positive in their situation, and he hadn't run yet. As Aki understood things now, Ueno had only retreated to a corner to lick his wounds.

That in itself was amazing, since there were so many things wrong with their situation, things that Aki wouldn't expect anyone to accept or ignore, no matter how in love the person was. As of yet, the two of them had reached no conclusions and hadn't spoken of the weekend. That headache could wait a minute. Aki was satisfied for the time being, and confident that they would be able to move forward; Ueno wouldn't have confessed otherwise.

Aki had more important matters to focus on, the most crucial being to get Ueno the hell out of the library and in a more private location.

Not that Aki was uncomfortable with things as they were now. At some point, Aki had moved, balanced on the end of the wooden desk, legs parted and dangling from the edge. Ueno remained in his chair, but after disregarding his initial bashfulness he pressed himself close, arms wound loosely around Aki's hips, his eyes tightly shut and his face pressed gently against the flat, taut surface of Aki's belly.

Aki's fingers were busy; they roamed wherever fate guided them; over Ueno's cheeks and forehead when he occasionally lifted his head, through his hair, stroking his shoulders, lightly massaging his back, or ghosting over the nape of his neck. He curled protectively over the one he loved, a rare occasion for him to offer comfort.

He was enjoying the rare moment of quiet, blissful closeness, but they couldn't remain silent forever. At some point, they were going to have to address everything, not only that weekend. Aki took a deep breath before beginning. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything." Aki spoke quietly.

Ueno tilted his head back, and their eyes met. "Why were you mad at me?"

"When I was with Mira Friday night," Aki began, cupping Ueno's cheek when he scowled at the mention of Mira, "he hinted at the possibility of you only being with me as some sort of novelty."

"It's been weeks, and I haven't changed my mind, so would you mind explaining that?"

Aki sighed again, embarrassed at his previous assumption and reluctant to reveal it. "That maybe you were having fun with me because it was something different, but you weren't really serious. That once you realized that things had gone too far, that you'd decide that enough was enough.

"And you thought I wanted out? Why?"

"Saturday morning," Aki stared down at Ueno, his expression almost accusing, "you didn't want me to touch you. And when you called later, you said that you were confused."

"I was confused about what happened, but not about you. And you were right about me being ashamed, but not in the way that you think. I don't know if I can explain it without sounding stupid."

Aki leaned back, balancing his weight on his hands while Ueno rested his head on one of his jean clad thighs. "It's okay if you sound stupid. I'd like to know."

"I talked to Mira too, but you already knew that. I thought things were good up until then. Other than telling me that you'd never dated anyone before, I don't think he told me anything I didn't already know, just some stuff I think I was trying to ignore."

"Such as?"

"That you're beautiful."

"Thank you. So are you." Aki patted the top of Ueno's head.

"No, I mean it. Compare a mutt and purebred or junior varsity and varsity. Wait, those are terms that made sense to me. Um… hold on…."

Aki sighed, tilting his head backward and staring at the ceiling at Ueno's cheesy comparisons. "I got both of them, Ueno. What you're trying to tell me is that I'm somehow higher up than you, that you don't measure up."

"Something like that."

"That's awful, not to mention completely untrue." Aki sat up straight. "Do you actually believe that?"

"I didn't until Friday night. When he told me that I couldn't understand you the way he did, that your cousin was more my type, and that I was too straight-edged to be your type, it made me think." His voice lowered. "I think I believed him. After all, I'd never been with a guy before you, and my experiences don't add up to a fraction of yours."

"Did that matter to you when I came up to you that day? Or when we were together Friday night, or all the other times you stayed with me?" Aki curled over him again, a bit bewildered by Ueno's admission, but comforted all the same since they were based on fear instead of dislike or disgust. He recalled Ueno apologizing to him that night, saying that he felt like a kid and now understood what he'd meant, and why Ueno immediately grew embarrassed each time Aki paid him a compliment or was overly affectionate.

"I didn't let myself think about it, but then I started wondering if maybe I was the novelty, you know? And then I got worried about things, like whether or not I'd be able to sa- whether or not I'd be enough. Friday night I let Mira embarrass me in front of everyone, and again on Saturday night when he said the things he did. On Saturday morning, I woke up and I felt so stupid about what we'd done."

"Why did what happened bother you so much?"

Ueno shrugged. "I felt like a little kid; I had no idea what I was doing and it didn't end the way that I'm sure you wanted it to. I don't have any experience, and I-"

"Ueno." Aki couldn't listen to anymore, not right then. "You didn't seem this insecure when we first met." Aki inched forward until his feet hit the floor, and Ueno pushed back his chair before standing.

"What about you?" Ueno returned, but his voice was soft, the joking tone unmistakable. "Where's the Aki that I met again at school that first day?"

Aki thought back to their reunion, of Ueno's stammering while he was groped in the lunchroom, and then smirked. "Oh, that Aki? He was just trying to be considerate, but he's still here." He refrained from admitting that the other Aki had been just as scared as Ueno and reached down, zeroing in on the desired area without fail. He secretly took delight in the small yelp that burst from his boyfriend's lips as he firmly palmed Ueno over his jeans.

"Listen." Aki released Ueno's package and stepped forward before he could run, pressing himself close and clasping his fingers around Ueno's waist. Their noses brushed. "You're intelligent, beautiful, kind, and experienced in what's important." What Ueno lacked could be learned, and the same went for Aki.

"And you should never look at yourself as lesser than anyone, especially me." He punctuated his statement by tilting his head to initiate their first kiss in days.

It was time to nip this conversation in the bud for the time being. "Do you work tonight?"

"Yeah, but I don't start until six." Ueno looked at him quizzically, his cheeks flaming. "Why?"

"What time is it?"

Ueno removed a hand from Aki's waist, checking his watch. "It's after noon now. I'm late for my next class."

"That's a shame." Aki smiled sweetly. "But since you've already been bad, why don't you make a day of it?"

"You mean blow off the rest of my classes?"

"Label it however you like, Ueno."

"Where are we going?" He watched Aki as he began collecting all of Ueno's fallen items and placing them back onto the desk.

"I don't care." Aki opened Ueno's bag, stuffing it with his supplies. "Your place is fine with me. It's a faster trip from here."

"O-okay. But I do have to work today."

"You said you had until six. We have plenty of time. Unless you'd rather not."

"I didn't say that." Ueno protested.

"Good. When you're off, you're coming to my place, so you need to go home to get your things anyway."

"You're the boss." Ueno's good nature had returned full force. He simply took the offered bag Aki held out and slid the strap over his head. "I'm ready."

They vacated their secluded corner in much better spirits, leaving the library and campus behind.

"So," Aki began, attempting to initiate small talk, "how was your weekend otherwise?"

"It wasn't worth mentioning." Ueno's reply was succinct.

"Tell me anyway."

"It wasn't the greatest. I saw my mom, though. She asked about you, and I had to promise her to invite you over next time. It was hard to sleep and I had stuff on my mind, so I did a ton of homework.

"Why weren't you able to sleep?"

"The people above me partied pretty hard this weekend, and my bed is beginning to feel kind of foreign." Ueno flushed again. "Besides, I got used to sleeping next to you."

Aki smiled, smugly. "So in a nutshell, you missed me. That's sweet."

"I do miss your elbow in my ribs, but I'm not sure how I feel about waking up to you using my ass as a punching bag." Ueno teased him cheerfully.

They walked side-by-side, not quite holding hands; Aki's fingers brushed against Ueno's with each step, but it wasn't enough.

"I missed everything."

Ueno didn't look in his direction, but the next time their hands came into contact he held on, and they continued on their way to his apartment, fingers hooked together.


They were both silent the remainder of the walk, up the apartment steps, and while Ueno clumsily selected the correct key from his ring. He pushed open the door and stood back to allow Aki entrance first, grateful that he had left the heat running when he'd left for class. The temperature had been steadily dropping as winter approached and Aki grew cold easily, but it wouldn't take him long to warm up. He'd been running late and let a lot go begging when he'd left for the day; he'd forgotten to open his curtains, left the heater on, and the television sounded softly. Very unlike him, he realized.

Ueno flipped on the lights as opposed to letting in the natural light and leaned against the closed door, gesturing towards the couch. "Go ahead."

"Are you coming with me?" Aki set his books on the table. "The couch is big enough for both of us."

Ueno didn't understand the quip immediately, but when he did, he reddened for the umpteenth time that afternoon. "Yeah." He didn't move until Aki took pity on him, returning to the entryway and taking Ueno's hand.

Ueno was led across the living room, feeling very much like a child on his first day of class. He was urged to sit, which he did obediently and folded his hands over his kneecaps, not sure of how to proceed.

Aki sat next to him, not at all put out by Ueno's behavior, as their afternoon discussion had cleared up his fears and he understood the reason behind Ueno's unease. He bit down a smile when Ueno immediately stood again, striding into the small kitchen.

"I know you skipped lunch, and you never eat breakfast. Can I make you something?"

"I'm not hungry, but thank you."

"Do you want something to drink?" Ueno's voice held a note of desperation, as if he was pleading for Aki to give him a task to complete. "Water? Tea? Do you want coffee? I don't drink it, but I have some."

"No, thank you." The smile was becoming difficult to hide.

"Are you cold? Do you need me to turn up the heat? You're always cold, and I don't have the heat on very high."

"You're very hospitable, but no; I don't need anything." Aki teased, pushing himself out of his seat, padding on his socked feet to Ueno's side. "Just sit with me."

Aki turned Ueno, and then placed both hands on his shoulders, pushing him back towards the living area. Ueno dropped into his seat heavily, and Aki arranged himself again, crossing his legs at the knee and giving Ueno a sidelong glance.

"What are you so nervous about? I didn't have any ulterior motive for suggesting that we come back here. I promise that I'm not planning to devour you." He watched as Ueno bowed his head. "What's wrong?"

"Sorry. Feeling a little stupid again."

"Well, don't." Aki rested a pale hand on Ueno's knee. "I love you, remember?" Now that the seal had been broken, Aki was sure he'd never grow weary of saying it, especially if Ueno needed to hear it.

"I love you too." Ueno took a deep breath, leaned back, and took Aki's hand in his own.

"Then relax." Aki shifted, squeezing Ueno's fingers and reclining as well, head tilted to the side so he could observe Ueno comfortably.

As they both sat there, silently gazing at one another, Ueno repeated to himself that this was Aki, and after that afternoon, he no longer had a reason for nervousness. He did as Aki instructed, although it was unconscious. His limbs grew heavy as his tension eased, his body settling into the couch.

"Are you sure it's okay if you miss your classes today?" Ueno had no idea where the question came from, but the words had been spoken before he could think of something smooth.

He saw Aki shut his eyes briefly, as if requesting strength.

After a flurry of movement involving a tangle of arms and legs that Ueno found difficult to follow, he was pushed further into the couch, one of Aki's legs on either side of his thighs, knees gently squeezing his hips. He didn't recall moving at all himself, but his fingers grasped lightly at Aki's hips, most likely a reflexive shift of Ueno's extremities. That had to be it.

The fit was perfect, or the next best thing. Ueno looked upward as Aki looked down, and he was unable to resist a lame wisecrack. "What happened to your promise of not devouring me?"

"I promised that devouring you wasn't the plan. This wasn't premeditated. I could move, if you like."

"Hell, no." Ueno said quickly, without a second or even first thought.

"I hope you're sure." Aki pressed their foreheads together. "If I have to hunt you down again, I may have to kill you."

"That reminds me… how did you find me anyw-"

Ueno had no opportunity to inhale before his question and air supply were cut off, and he was only able to suck in small puffs of air each time Aki drew back. Lucky for his lips but not for his lungs

Kisses like this were few and far between; they were both too uneasy and too considerate of non-existent issues to engage in this type of play often. Their confessions of that afternoon leveled out the field, bringing both of their comfort levels to an amicable equilibrium.

Ueno could admit it now, at least to himself; with a few exceptions, he'd been reluctant to initiate this type of contact. Realistically, he hadn't expected Aki to laugh at his infantile attempts at intimacy, but that didn't mean Aki couldn't have inwardly scoffed at them. Even now he was tentative, but slowly, with each brush of Aki's lips, he became surer. Leaning back, mostly accepting the kiss, he eventually became a participant, until he was straining upward and returning Aki's indulgent attentions.

Internal admissions faded and thoughts receded. There was no sweet prelude, not this time. The background noise from his forgotten television did nothing to disguise the occasional moan, intermittent panting, or rustling of clothes rearranged by tenderly meandering fingers.

Locomotion, not choreographed, guided his body. Ueno heaved upward with his hips, temporarily lifting both of their masses before he landed, shifting his rear toward the end of the couch. Ueno gripped Aki's hips and pulled him forward, forcing them solidly together. Aki tore his mouth away, and a short, broken whine reached Ueno's ears.

Ueno's eyes flew open at the foreign sound. "I'm sorry, Aki. Did that hurt?"

"No."

"But you-"

Slender arms grasped Ueno's shoulders and an elegant, straight nose nuzzled his own. "It felt nice." Aki whispered, "'If anything hurts, I'll be sure to tell you."

Ueno's arms encircled Aki's ribcage and he threw caution to the wind before he swallowed his own foot and ruined the moment. The recesses of his mind took note that despite his fears, his body knew what it wanted, and proceeded nicely if his brain didn't mediate.

No kiss, even their first, could measure up. Two tongues teased and coiled, first unhurried and lazy, steadily growing hectic and firm, transforming into a forceful, hungry caress. Lips moved with enough force to bruise, teeth nipped while tongues glided uncontrolled, creating moisture that couldn't be confined to their mouths.

Aki shivered as his t-shirt was shoved upward and Ueno's fingers roamed over soft flesh in caresses that bordered on painful. Aki couldn't ask him to stop, because almost wasn't quite there, didn't count, and that gray area between almost and pain was wonderful.

If Ueno had been thinking, he would have been frightened of his own actions, at the way he almost ruined Aki's t-shirt as he gripped the hem, crumpling and winding the material around his hands before jerking upward.

Aki drew back and raised his arms before he lost one of them, and his top was dropped over the back of the couch. He used the opportunity to gulp in some air, but it whooshed from his lungs when a tickling sensation, created by Ueno's fingers, skittered across his abdominal muscles.

The confinement of his jeans was released. With trembling fingers, Ueno first bested the belt buckle, then opened the oversize button and fumbled with the zipper, sliding it down with a muted purr. Aki balanced himself on his knees to allow removal, but neither of them had put much thought into their dual attempt. Ueno hooked his fingers into Aki's belt loops and began to tug, huffing when the denim wouldn't slide past mid-thigh.

It didn't occur to Aki that his spread thighs were thwarting Ueno's efforts. He gasped, closing his eyes when Ueno released the band of his jeans and grabbed at his waist instead. A dizzying second later, he fell back against pillowed armrest of the couch and Ueno continued pulling at his clothing.

Aki leaned back, vision hazy, offering no complaint. He was able to think more clearly while his lips were free. As Ueno worked Aki's jeans down over his calves, Aki was struck at the reversal of roles. For one, Ueno had participated readily during their first encounter together, but Aki had really been the one in charge. The day they had met, as well as today, all Ueno seemed to need was a small amount of encouragement, a tiny prod. After his engine had been started, he was off and running, and this time, he was assuming the dominant role, even if it was without his knowledge. Aki was most definitely a man, but there was something sweetly maddening about being handled, being on the receiving end.

How could Ueno have agonized over whether or not he could satisfy another person? Aki focused on the figure above him, who had dropped Aki's jeans to the floor and loomed over him again.

Unbalanced. That was the word bouncing around in Aki's head as he stared up at the man he loved. He was near naked with the exception of his snug shorts, while Ueno remained fully dressed. Aki set about resolving that issue immediately, jerking both Ueno's sweatshirt and t-shirt up together. Ueno, reddening all the while, assisted and they fell to the floor, on top of Aki's jeans.

Aki hadn't yet moved to Ueno's pants before the dark haired man lowered himself, covering Aki in soothing heat. He forgot his mission as his lower body sprang into existence. Warm fingers surged up his side, only to descend, repeating the motion while Aki adjusted to the position.

It was Ueno's turn to command, and Aki found himself unable to try or even want to escape his tyranny.

Aki trembled uncontrollably. His thoughts fell apart after the hand that had been caressing his side stopped at his hip after one last descent, then drifted over the crease of his thigh. Rough fingers slipped into the waistband of his shorts, finding the object of their search unerringly.

Aki hissed as Ueno traced the length of him, unabashed, past caring.

Ueno raised his head. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

"Do you want to die?" Aki huffed.

"You're so sweet." But Ueno shut up, nuzzling Aki's jaw and curving his fingers, caressing him solidly, ironically reassured by his boyfriend's death threat.

It was unbelievably good and distracting, but Aki, previously immobilized, somehow remembered his plan and found the strength and willpower to put his hands into motion. He felt ragged breathing against his jaw as he fought with Ueno's pants, popping open the button and sliding down the zipper with a hurried jerk of his wrist.

His shoved the stiff material from Ueno's hips, but that was as far as he was able to go. Ueno's fingers disappeared and he suddenly dropped, and they were in direct contact; belly to belly, chest to chest, and most importantly, groin to groin.

Aki attempted to raise himself on his forearms unsuccessfully, but the shift forced his pelvic region upward. The slide of one erection against another caused both men to freeze. They stared each other down for a drawn out, tension filled moment before Ueno, unable to remain inert any longer, braced himself before pulling his lower body away and returning in a surging motion.

Aki's eyes widened, and a sound, hovering somewhere between a moan and a cry, escaped. He raised his knees, his feet seeking support from the couch, and lifted himself, returning the favor. A foreign warbling tumbled from Ueno's lips, and he knew the two of them had just stumbled upon something too interesting to disregard.

An exchange akin to a slow volleying ensued, until they both began thrusting and kissing in earnest. Courtesies were ignored and their actions were solely related to the pursuit of their own individual gratification. The knowledge that something traditionally more satisfying was just around the corner was disregarded; they were too close to fulfillment to consider necessary steps toward a more powerful culmination.

Mostly. Without understanding, Aki yanked at the waistband of Ueno's jeans, viciously scrabbling to remove them at any cost. He didn't ponder the reason; Aki just needed them off. An unfettered, keening sound filled the living room, followed by his lover's name. "Ueno."

Ueno was loathe to stop, but understood, lifting his weight with difficulty. He stood, and Aki raised himself into a seated position, reaching out and jerking Ueno's pants to his ankles. Ueno stepped out of them, shedding his socks along the way.

"Come on." Ueno reached down and wrapped his fingers around Aki's thin wrists, hauling him to his feet and rushing him into the bedroom.

Their roles reversed yet again. Aki yanked his wrists free and shoved. Ueno toppled, landing on the unkempt bedclothes. With an audible whoosh, Ueno understood what having the wind knocked out of him entailed, and realized Aki was much stronger than he appeared.

As Aki descended heavily, again straddling his hips, Ueno retained enough of his sense to utter a protest. "Aki, wait!"

"What?" Aki didn't have time; he was so close, throbbing enough to hurt, frantic enough to maim. No no no…

"Socks."

Aki was struck dumb; and only one response to came to mind. "Huh?"

Ueno heaved himself up, leaning forward awkwardly while Aki sat still in shock, yanking one sock, then the other from Aki's slender feet. "Wearing socks without pants is weird, okay?" He flung them away, and Aki watched his socks, designer label embroidered on the bottoms, sail into the darkness with wide eyes. His man was a weirdo.

That taken care of, Ueno wrapped his hands around Aki's forearms, urging him down. He dominated their kiss, but Aki dominated everything else. Effectively distracted, he began anew, heaving his hips forward, and then back, resuming the friction that had consumed them both.

Ueno's fingers needed something to do. They crept from Aki's hips to his backside, slipping under the waistband of his shorts. He cupped the soft skin that encased firmness, using his hands to assist Aki in his efforts. Aki would thrust, Ueno would tighten his grip and pull; Aki would recede, Ueno would relax his hold.

Sounds that couldn't be categorized as romantic to normal folk filled the room; panting, wheezing and moaning were accompanied the squeaking of the mattress, punctuated by the occasional sharp crack of the headboard meeting the wall.

The noises went on unheeded, increasing in frequency and decreasing in rhythm until Aki, hips faltering, shuddered before his arms gave out and he collapsed against Ueno's chest, lips pressed against the tense muscles cording Ueno's neck.

He sprawled over his boyfriend in a daze, pressing kisses to warm skin, barely reacting when Ueno's fingers tightened and he heaved himself upward, barely feeling or hearing Ueno groan, the sound filling the darkened room and rumbling in his neck.

Moments later, Ueno, fingers still biting into Aki's buttocks, was as still as the lighter haired man, drained of energy.

Minutes passed. Aki slipped into a doze, limbs tingling pleasantly from exertion, but was shaken back to awareness as Ueno slowly removed his fingers and rolled them over.

He dimly wondered if Ueno wanted to finish the job, but he simply lifted himself up, climbing gingerly from the bed. Aki didn't utter a word as Ueno stumbled into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

As he heard Ueno turn on the sink, Aki experienced a brief flash of fear, memories of Saturday morning returning with a vengeance. No cuddling? No kissing? No words of endearment?

The running water stopped, and then the door opened. It was dark, but Aki could make out Ueno's form toss something into a basket or hamper of some sort, open a chest of drawers and produce some clothing. Aki watched him step into a pair of sweatpants and return to the bathroom, briefly engaging the faucet again.

Aki tried to sit, bracing himself with muscles that wanted to rest, preparing himself for awkwardness that was sure to come.

Ueno returned to the bedroom, approaching the bed and pushing Aki back down against the pillows before easing his fingers under the waistband of Aki's ruined shorts, peeling them down and off his legs. Seconds later, Aki purred, feeling something pleasantly warm and moist gliding over his groin and lower abdomen. He relaxed, marveling that a basic cleaning process could be so intimate.

Ueno was silent as he gently worked, tossing the cloth into the basket before easing a pair of clean, warm flannel pants over Aki's calves and up his thighs. Task accomplished, Ueno reclined next to Aki, covering them both with a sheet and comforter.

"Are you okay?" Aki voiced the question carefully, still a little wary of the answer.

"Yeah." Ueno whispered his response, pressing a shy kiss to Aki's temple. "Sorry. I-I didn't plan that."

"What was wrong with it?"

"Nothing, I guess," Ueno replied, draping an arm over Aki's hip, "but I'm sure that you would have rather-"

"Rather had sex? I'm in no rush, especially after that. Don't worry; I'm very satisfied." Aki closed his eyes. "I've never done that before, but it was nice."

"Ever?"

"No. Is this the thing to do?"

"Well, I can't speak for adults, but it was the thing to do when I was in high school." Ueno's humor was evident. "Although I don't think we realized exactly what it was that we were trying to accomplish, and if you weren't careful, you messed your clothes up, which sucked if you weren't at home. It's safer, though, and if you're too much of a wuss to go all the way, it's a good cop out."

"Was this a cop out for you?"

"Nuh uh."

"Good. High school?" Aki yawned. After experiencing it, it seemed too all-consuming to be taken lightly, regardless of whether or not it culminated in actual sex. "In high school I was too busy to worry about perverted things like that."

"Busy doing what?" Ueno cradled him close.

Aki smiled and replied before Ueno's next kiss landed. "Having sex."