Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.
The Long Way Home: Chapter 19
The morning after was supposed to be sweet. He'd seen enough movies to understand that much. There were kisses, caressing, and whispers of adoration. Maybe some praise regarding each other's sensual prowess and sometimes more of what had put them to sleep in the first place.
This wasn't what Ueno was accustomed to. He'd woken up next to a couple of lovers in the past, but of course, they had all had been girls, and sadly enough, the feeling of closeness declined or escalated along with his rigidity, as if he didn't have the attention span necessary to retain the feeling consistently. He hadn't minded that; he wasn't Victorian enough to assume that love was required.
It all paled in comparison to what he shared with Aki, and he was finding out fast that everything did. The aftermath was different. Ueno reclined on his side, forearm outstretched, head resting on his open palm. The position was unnecessary to be able to see; with the changing of seasons and an overcast sky that promised eventual rainfall, the sky grew dark much more quickly. The failing light, in addition to his closed blinds, blanketed his bedroom in comforting darkness; he could barely recognize the outline of his lover.
Well, maybe lover wasn't the most accurate way to refer to Aki yet, but it still seemed fitting. They hadn't made love, really. It wasn't morning; only a half an hour had passed since they had both calmed down enough to rest. His lover wasn't a girl, but a man of his own approximate height and similar proportions. So all in all, it wasn't exactly the stereotypical morning after to most, but to Ueno, it was just as nice- no, it was better.
Ueno flopped onto his back, lost in thought. Aki had some mannerisms that may not be considered the most macho, but he was most definitely a man; Ueno had a glorious time grinding against Aki's most obvious indication of manliness. His groans were low and deep, his arms and legs slender but lined with wiry muscle and he had clung to Ueno with surprising strength. It would be extremely difficult to discredit Aki as a man simply because he was more attractive than most of the girls Ueno knew and because of a few mannerisms, and it was the ways that Aki reminded him of his masculinity that excited Ueno the most.
Ueno had spent a lot of time agonizing about what was and was not appropriate; was it okay to touch him? Could he kiss Aki without any invitation? What was too much, and what if he went too far? Could he tease him?
But now, lying close to him after what had passed that afternoon, both physical and verbal, he experienced no hesitation when he reached out. Sliding his hand to the smooth, sensitive skin at the small of Aki's back, he gathered him in.
Aki shifted to accommodate him, humming quietly. "Mmm. Not sleepy?"
"I'll sleep after work."
Slender fingers slid across his waist, reaching for Ueno's hand. "Call in. Then you can stay with me and go to bed early. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
"I'd look like a flake. I haven't been working there very long, and it's only four hours anyway. I'll probably crash pretty hard, so maybe I should come back here after work. It's not as if I'll be any fun to be around."
"Forget it. You're stuck with me, and no matter what you do, I find you to be crazy fun. If you call in, I'll let you hump me again. You were fun then."
Ueno, amazingly enough, didn't flinch. That was surprising, as Ueno had never planned for them to hump; he'd never planned to hump anyone. As mortifying as the thought of getting together for the express purpose of engaging in fevered grinding should have been, he didn't think he'd mind. "That's a tough decision to make. By the way, you mostly humped me, not the other way around." He squeezed Aki's fingers.
"No." Aki nuzzled his cheek. "I'm not responsible for my actions when you started the whole thing."
"I'll give you that. But it wasn't planned."
"You'd planned something else?"
Ueno sighed. "No, I hadn't planned anything. Unlike you, who promised you had no intent to bring me back here and ravish me. I'm calling foul on that, by the way."
"We're veered pretty far from our topic. When is the last time you slept through a whole night? Naps don't count."
Ueno paused to think. "Thursday night."
"Call my dad and tell him that you don't feel well."
"Oh, yeah. Wouldn't it make more sense to stay here, then?" If Aki's father knew the real reason they spent most of their free time together it would probably make sense, but it wasn't an option. "If I really was sick, why would I drag myself to your place just to rest?"
"Fine. We'll stay here."
"Aki, I have to go to work. You'll be right upstairs; I'll come see you when it's slow."
"And when you're done." Aki pressed himself closer to Ueno's side and their legs automatically intertwined.
"And when I'm done." Ueno added obediently. "I can't wait to go to sleep. You help."
"Neither can I."
"You just took a nap." Ueno jerked as a finger lightly circled his navel.
"I told you that naps don't count. Besides, I didn't get to sleep with you all weekend. I missed you." The nuzzling continued.
Ueno smiled in the darkness, but didn't reply.
"Embarrassed yet?"
"Nope." Ueno yawned. "I'm okay for now. I missed sharing sleep with you too. You're a big sleeping pill."
"I love progress." There was shifting of a leg and arm, and Aki again adorned Ueno like a blanket, focusing his attentions to the nibbling of Ueno's jaw line before sliding his lips upward for a kiss.
There was a calm that settled over both of them while they exchanged caresses and breath; it was unlike any other sensation they had felt while together previously. It was heady while comforting. Ueno wished for the umpteenth time that afternoon that he wasn't obligated to leave.
Ueno had discovered exhaustion anew. He'd been tired to begin with, so engaging in some animalistic fun, while wonderful, hadn't helped him. Working tonight was going to be quite the task. He wasn't the type to engage in excessive mushiness, but he was learning to like it even more, and nothing sounded nicer than staying home, in his dark bedroom with Aki permanently molded over him.
Regardless of his condition, his mood was lighter than he could remember. His limbs ached, his head throbbed, and he had trouble keeping his eyes open. Even when he did close his eyes, sleep evaded him, his mind on the work day ahead. So while Aki rested quietly, Ueno watched the clock. It didn't bother him; he was made content by the fact that after he finished for the evening, he'd be able to get to serious hibernation.
"Hey." Ueno shook Aki lightly.
"Hi."
"How did you manage to hunt me down?"
"I ran into one of your friends. He told me where you were."
"Oh." Ueno had no further reply.
"I hadn't spoken to you since Saturday, and it wasn't a friendly conversation. I got tired of you avoiding me." Aki explained himself quietly, eyes closed.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I talked to Mira about what happened this weekend, and he said we seem to misunderstand each other way too easily, and he's right."
"Ugh." Ueno eyed the ceiling. "I suppose he deserves some credit for that, at least."
"I agree. He is hard to handle sometimes, but he's a good person, really. He's never treated me badly. The reason he was so difficult this weekend was because he was angry with me; it had nothing to do with you."
"About?"
"He was angry that I was dismissive of him Friday night, and that I'd left and hadn't tried to contact him. He was very serious about me and him, and he thought I didn't care anymore." Aki paused, not positive he wanted to go down this path. They'd spent most of the night after Ueno went home getting reacquainted and addressing their past issues, so Mira now knew everything that had taken place over the year, including the ugliest bits. Coming clean had been healing for Aki, but with it came another nagging feeling of guilt to replace his other stressors, because he was opening himself up to the wrong person. Even Mira had admitted that Aki would be better off telling Ueno everything, that he thought Ueno could handle it. Aki had experienced a sharp pain in his chest at Mira's words, because he battled with that longing each day, burdened with the need to expose himself in every way possible.
It both saddened and angered him, because he'd assumed when he and Ueno first began their tentative reconciliation on the sidewalk after Ueno had run out on him, that he would be fine with things as they were. The relief that gripped him when Ueno stubbornly argued that he didn't care about Aki's past had given Aki a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe a relationship between the two of them was possible, without having to reopen any ugly wounds. As the days went by, that hope had increased.
The more time that passed, however, the more Aki ached to fess up, the more his heart told him that Ueno cared for him and would understand, and the more his head told him that revealing his past life would ruin what the two of them had. Those two warring thoughts dominated his every musing when he had nothing else to focus on, and although Aki wasn't a crier, he grew so frustrated with that inner struggle he was almost brought to tears each time.
He slid from his comfortable pillow and Ueno turned to face him. "He was angry with me for leaving the way that I did. I was living with my parents, of course, and Mira and I weren't what you would call dating, but we were together to some degree. No one else knew. We'd grown up together, so Mira and I were close to begin with. We didn't keep secrets from each other, except for one. At the time, he thought he was the only guy I'd ever been with. He knows the truth now; the first man I'd ever slept with was my master. Mira and I had to sneak around, but that was easy. You've seen how dense my dad is."
Ueno was silent, sensing something heavy around the corner.
"I loved him, I guess, but not in the way you'd think; like family. No, not exactly family, obviously." Aki struggled to translate his thought process into intelligible words, and Ueno hummed an affirmative. "He knew everything about me except for that, and he understood. He didn't always agree with me, but he always tried to help. Because of that, I was incredibly attached to him. But once he found out that I'd been seeing- well, sleeping with my master, Mira was more angry than I've ever seen him, almost… rabid." He paused, sighing heavily. "Anyway, he threatened to tell, until I threatened to take off and not come back. Until the other night, he had no idea how long it had been going on. At the time, I felt like I didn't have much of a choice, but I always did. I could have refused and faced the consequences, but I didn't; I was too worried about what would happen if anyone else found out, and I knew Mira wouldn't tell anyone if I could make him promise to keep it quiet."
Aki took a deep breath, and felt Ueno's fingers threading themselves in his hair, comforting as always. "Anyway, someone else did find out."
Ueno frowned in the darkness. "Who?"
"One of my older sisters. She tried to tell my parents, but neither of them believed her."
"Why?"
"I denied it, and they believed me." Aki tensed. "She wasn't in her right mind the majority of the time, so she didn't have much credibility with anyone in the family. I've mentioned her before; she's the one I went to visit."
"Oh. The one in the…." Ueno couldn't finish with psych ward or institution; it seemed a bit wrong.
"That's the one." Aki confirmed. "He couldn't stand Mira, and if Mira hadn't come into the picture, he may not have pushed for me to move in with him. When I agreed, Mira almost lost it, and my sister did lose it. I didn't think he'd ever forgive me, but here we are."
"Here you guys are." Ueno echoed. "So you and Mira got everything sorted out."
"We did." Aki replied, almost in wonderment. "He won't cause any more trouble. Any serious trouble, that is. He's a jerk, but a sweet one."
"Is there anything left?"
Aki raised his head. "Left?"
"Between the two of you. I'm not trying to be difficult or insecure; I'd understand if you still had feelings for him. I'd probably be confused too."
"No." Aki was adamant. "You have nothing to worry about."
"Okay." Ueno let the subject drop. "You know what? You guys are a little crazy."
"That's all you have to say after everything I just told you?"
"Oh, sorry. Now that you've told me a little more about you and your family, I think it'd be better if we just kept things friendly." He tickled Aki in the side.
"Ueno." Aki scowled, the expression unnoticed.
"Isn't that what you expected me to say? That I've changed my mind and I don't love you anymore? Don't you listen? I told you I don't care already. You've already hooked me." Ueno tried thinking of his own dark secret to share. He came up empty. "Oh. Once when I was drunk, I pissed on Haru- accidentally- and then threw up on him."
"Ueno, I fail to see the point you're trying to make."
"I'm giving you an example of a horrible, embarrassing thing I've done in my life."
"That was hardly horrible. I'd say opening up for strangers isn't in the same ballpark as urinating on your buddy." Aki hoisted himself up as well. "It's possible that I'll regret asking, but how do you accidentally pee on someone?"
"I was outside his apartment one night. He had gone outside for a smoke before me, and ended up passing out in a flower bed. Some random guy drank too much and was throwing up in the only bathroom. I couldn't hold it and went outside. I didn't see him. I guess my example was lame, but it was the best I could do. I'm not trying to say that what happened to you wasn't a big deal; I'm just saying that it's not important- as far as us being together now. I love you, stupid. Come here."
Aki didn't know how to come here, when they were sitting directly next to one another, so he swung one leg across Ueno's lap and settled into a straddling position that he was quickly becoming fond of.
"So," Ueno began, "wanna tell me anything else?"
"I'm done revealing myself for today." Aki hoped it was enough, because the admission was draining and he didn't have the energy to divulge any more. "But after your little story, I do have to insist that you never get drunk around me again. Ever."
"Got it. Thank you." He gently patted Aki's rear end, physically praising him.
"For what?"
"For trusting me, like I asked you to." Ueno leaned forward in the darkness until their lips brushed. He kept it chaste, pulling away before the two of them had another situation to clean up.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Ueno blushed. "But I don't want to ruin any more clothes."
"We could take them off, you know." Aki stole another kiss. "Or you could do some laundry."
"I've done enough extra laundry since you showed up." The words left his mouth before he'd given them much thought, but hindsight told him of his error.
Aki's attention was diverted. "Excuse me?"
"Forget it. Get off me." Ueno squirmed, indicating to Aki that it was time to move. "I'm going to pack a bag and we can head over to your place."
"No, I like it here. What did you mean by that?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Ueno attempted a slight change in subject. "Any laundry is too much. Of course, you wouldn't know since you don't have to do your own."
"But you had to do extra laundry because of me? Were you… playing? Why didn't you just undress? Or do it in the shower?" Aki asked his questions shamelessly.
"No!" Ueno pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sometimes I'd wake up and there would be- I had-"
"You were having nasty dreams?" Aki whispered the inquiry, strangely elated and fascinated by the turn the conversation had taken. "Wet dreams about me?" His hands lifted, cupping his own cheeks.
"So what? Does that make you happy, knowing that humiliating bit of information?"
"Honestly? Yup." Aki recovered and slid one hand down Ueno's bare stomach, then lower, finding the desired area without error and caressing it firmly over the flannel material. He was rewarded with a sudden exhale of breath. "That's the sweetest, hottest thing anyone has ever said to me."
"It's not sweet." Ueno snorted in incredulity, attempting without success to ignore that wandering hand.
Aki squeezed gently. "I'll help you with your laundry."
"Like hell you will. Do you even know how to use a washing machine?" Ueno shuddered as Aki's fingers delved into the waistband of his pants. "Besides, it's not that big of a problem these days."
"I know how to separate clothes. And why should you care? Isn't it worth it?"
"Whatever." Ueno returned, fighting to uncurl his toes. He didn't feel like arguing any more.
After the previous week, business had returned to normal. Ueno had things to do, but he blew through his tasks quickly. It was beyond him where he'd found the energy to do so, but he was just glad it was possible.
After Aki finished manhandling him- both literally and figuratively- Ueno managed to drag himself out of bed and get cleaned up for work. Their walk together had been upbeat. Ueno had never been so cheerful, optimistic, or energetic in the face of exhaustion.
The experiences of that afternoon had been exhilarating, sensual, therapeutic, enlightening and humiliating all rolled into one, but Ueno handled it well. He knew their problems were probably far from over; Aki had given Ueno's concerns a voice when they'd parted ways, telling him that they could talk about everything else later.
So, despite his waning energy level, he put all of his possible resources into getting through the workday, and it passed so quickly he almost didn't notice the time of his short shift. As he was preparing to leave, he checked in as he always did, just to be sure nothing else required his attention before he was no longer available, though the answer was normally no.
"Yes, I almost forgot." Himura-san was shuffling through a sheaf of receipts, so she didn't look in Ueno's direction and spoke absently. "Trash."
"Yes, ma'am." Ueno replied cheerfully, and then took off.
The task of gathering trash was quick, though herculean. Ueno had to make several trips out back, quickly tossing bags into the dumpster before rushing back inside for the next load. He didn't mind, except the rain that had threatening to make an appearance earlier in the day finally made good on its promise, and the downpour was heavy. He wore a hooded jacket, but it was thin and he was soaked to the bone by the time he'd dragged the final load outside.
Ueno quickly threw away the remainder of the trash, but a faint noise reached his ears and he paused. The back exit of the hotel deposited him in an alleyway, with businesses stretching from one end of the alley to the other. Most of the businesses simply used those exits to leave for the night after lockup and to dispose of waste. It was always deserted and quiet.
Standing still was useless, as he alone didn't make enough racket to drown out the sound, and the torrent of rain didn't let up for a second. With the faint wind chilling his wet skin, he moved to the right and paused again. The noise was definitely louder the more he moved in that direction.
Two dumpsters lined the wall opposite him. Shrugging his shoulders, he quickly approached them, lifting the first lid and peering inside.
There was nothing noteworthy, save for a few loads of garbage. He moved to the next, the larger of the two.
That one was full. He wrinkled his nose as the aroma wafted into his nostrils, but heard the sound again, amplified to such a degree that Ueno knew he'd found the source.
He dropped one bag to the wet pavement, then another and another, until he'd nearly emptied the large metal dumpster. The pitiful cooing continued, made louder by the removal of the trash covering it. The lighting was faint, but his vision wasn't completely impaired, and his eyes widened dramatically. Ueno huffed, boosting himself up onto the end of the bin, balanced on his stomach, legs dangling, rear end in the air. He reached down, grabbing at the wet ball of fluff sandwiched between two of the remaining bags of garbage.
"Aww, baby..." Ueno whispered, reverting to baby talk that seemed to be more therapeutic for humans than animals. "How did you end up in here?" Back on his feet, he unzipped his jacket and placed his waterlogged prize inside. It wouldn't do much good since both Ueno and his jacket were wet and cold, but it was better than nothing.
Bundle held in place with one arm, Ueno awkwardly used the other to begin tossing garbage back into the dumpster. His phone, jammed into his front pocket, vibrated gently against his thigh but he decided to ignore it until he made it back in from the cold.
Slamming the lid back into place, he stepped back inside. Aki wouldn't be happy about this.
Ah well.
Ueno hurried onto the elevator, mindful of his little gift as he ascended floors. Exiting and stepping quickly down the hall, he ignored the scattered bits of cardboard that littered the carpeted floor and fished around for his key.
His fingers were so cold and stiff that it was difficult to manipulate the key properly, but he managed, dropping his key ring into his pocket and shoving open the door.
Aki was seated in his favorite chair, cel phone in one hand, a book in another. A notepad sat in his lap and an ink pen was pressed between his lips, which he removed to speak. "What kept you? I was about to call." He hopped to his feet, clearing the distance between them.
"Ran a little late. Don't touch me; I'm soaked." Ueno stepped back as Aki reached for him.
"Thank you for the warning." Aki watched as Ueno unzipped his jacket. "Where did you find that nasty thing?"
"I was taking out the garbage, and I found her in the trash. Can you believe someone just stuffed her in there?" Ueno's brows were drawn together in irritation. "Are you angry? I didn't know what else to do with her; she's so small, and I didn't want to leave her outside."
"Almost small enough to be newborn." Aki reached out and Ueno placed the kitten into his hands. "I'm not mad."
"You're not going to freak out and make me get rid of her?"
"I never had any plans to have pets, but I don't mind keeping her here until you figure out what to do. I did fall in love with a former pet sitter with a history of rescuing needy animals, so I guess this comes with the territory." Aki held the black kitten in one hand, sifting through wet fur. "I hope there's a face in here somewhere. There it is. By the way, I think this one is a boy."
"Oh." Ueno began to shiver. "I just assumed, I guess. I'm going to keep him." He slowly peeled his jacket, heavy with water, from his body. "I'll take him to my apartment."
"Don't worry about that." Aki was quick to reply. "He can stay here for now."
"Thanks. I'll go out and buy him some stuff, but first we need to warm him up." Ueno plucked the tiny mass from Aki's grip and entered the small kitchen, engaging the faucet. "He's not even moving, so I'm sure he's freezing to death."
"I didn't think cats enjoyed baths." Aki moved to Ueno's side.
"I've never met a cat that liked to get wet, but I'm sure there's a few out there somewhere. It's the fastest way to warm him up and get him clean. I'll make it quick." He kept the water lukewarm; he'd raise the heat after the kitten adjusted.
Aki stood next to him. "Isn't he supposed to be fighting or something?"
"You'd think so. I wish there was a vet open this late close by, but I don't think there is." Ueno raised the temperature little by little while Aki rubbed brusquely. He had no idea whether or not it helped, but it worked on humans.
"He's starting to fuss a little. That's probably a good sign." Ueno left Aki at the sink to grab a towel, but both of them turned towards the door at the sharp knock. "You expecting someone?"
Aki shook his head, his expression turning morose at the possibility of another visitor. "No, especially not this late. Can you get it?"
"Yeah." Ueno briefly stared through the peephole and then grumbled. "Oh, come on." He flung open the door and stepped back.
Aki raised a brow, his hands full of wet kitten. "Mira."
"Yep. What are you two up to?" Mira shut the door and turned to Ueno. "Hey. You two must have patched things up. Nice. Aki, what you got there?"
As Mira joined Aki in the kitchen, Ueno noticed that he hadn't left a pair of shoes behind in front of the doorway.
"Uh, Mira? Where are your shoes?"
"At home." Mira answered. "I avoid wearing any if I can get away with it. Sorry for coming over so late. I spent all afternoon moving. I didn't sleep much last night and between that and the move, I was beat and I napped all evening. Just woke up, and now I'm restless. I was hoping you were still up."
Aki narrowed his eyes. "You just woke up? Where did you move? Ueno, could you get the towel, please?"
Ueno hurried to obey, and Aki turned his full attention to Mira.
"A cat, huh?" Mira reached out, and Aki automatically passed the kitten to him. "Oh, sorry. I ignored your question."
Ueno rejoined the group, a fluffy towel dangling from his fingers.
"It was kind of sudden, so your dad must not have had time to tell you today." Mira snatched the towel away, arranging it around the kitten. "I moved down the hall, opposite corner. I would have taken the apartment next door, but I wanted to give you some space. Now you get to see me every day." He leaned in and Ueno had no time to react before Mira pressed his lips to Ueno's cheek with a loud smacking sound. "I'm your new neighbor."
Mira began rubbing the kitten down with vigor while Ueno scrubbed at his cheek. "A hair dryer would be better."
"Bathroom." Aki said, motionless otherwise.
"Wonderful." Mira disappeared into the bedroom, shouting in order to be heard. "I'm hungry. Did you guys eat yet?"
"It's almost eleven," Ueno huffed, even as he opened the refrigerator, "and he's hungry. He lives here now?"
Aki left Ueno cursing in kitchen and returned to his chair.
From his seat, he could hear the hair dryer going full blast and a sopping wet Ueno grousing in the kitchen. Ueno may have found the situation troublesome, but Aki couldn't help but put the events from that day in his wonderful category.
"What are we eating? I don't eat instant food, by the way." Mira called over the dryer.
Cookware clanged in the kitchen. "Son of a bitch." Ueno grumbled.
Aki swallowed a laugh, looking forward to the remainder of the night.
