Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.
The Long Way Home: Chapter 24
Sometimes people proved Ueno's assumptions wrong. He'd expected confusion and possibly indignation or anger following his admission, not comfort, and he'd most definitely not expected understanding.
While mortified at having broken down and pouring his heart out to a girl he barely knew, there was that underlying elation that always came with coming clean. Regardless of the outcome, having fewer secrets to be mindful of felt good. He couldn't find it in himself to regret his action, though it had not been intended.
"Are you all right now?"
Ueno nodded sheepishly. "I wish you hadn't called him, though." He'd filled Kanoko in on the last week or so, but none of the finer details, including their meeting, most specifically. Events- both good and bad- and stressors had been unfolding at such an alarming rate in such a short span of time, so while generally happy with life thus far, he'd grown accustomed to alertness to some degree in regards to keeping his new relationship under his hat. The ability to look her in the eye and have her understand his position, regardless of her significance, was a huge relief.
"What's done is done." Kanoko cheerfully returned. "I won't tell them anything embarrassing."
"Define embarrassing." Ueno sat up straight. "When the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink and I freaked out and told her to stop putting me into situations where I'd have to make such big decisions?"
"That too, but I was referring to you were waved around knives and forks and called yourself a shameful human being. You're such a straight edge. Although," she amended, raising her eyes to the ceiling, "straight might not be the best way to describe for you at this point."
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'd almost forgotten about that. I am a little old fashioned sometimes."
"I'd be more concerned with how you whined about the hot guy and kitty at home." Kanoko bit her lip at the memory. "But I think we can both agree there are quite a few reasons you could and should be a little embarrassed."
"Agreed." Ueno could clearly recall the exact moment he broke. Broke in this case hadn't indicated a typical breakdown with tears and the like, merely ranting and castigation. They had been chattering away, and Ueno had to admit he'd been enjoying himself immensely, enough to very briefly forget what was waiting for him at home.
He'd had to acknowledge that Kanoko wasn't the girl he'd expected and he wouldn't mind spending time with her in the future, but there was somewhere else he'd rather have been, someone else he'd rather be with. All that separated him from home had been the absence of a simple, single syllable word. He'd finally scrounged up the guts to use it, only he'd ended up shouting it in response to the wrong question, much too late, and to the wrong person.
No, he hadn't wanted any water. No, he hadn't known what he wanted to order. No, he hadn't needed more time to decide. And why the hell did people continue to impose situations upon him where the only choice he had was which person he could hurt or disappoint?
He wasn't in a hurry to relive the downward spiral that had been his and Kanoko's night out. At least he'd ended up with another friend. Most importantly, she was a friend that he was positive was trustworthy.
"I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my mother, though." Kanoko wrinkled her nose, contemplative. "I suppose I could just say the night was a disaster, that you were a complete jerk or something."
He gave his date a sidelong glance. "Why can't you be the problem?"
"Because she'll want to know what I did wrong and try to fix it. If I make you out to be the bad guy, then my mother will focus her attention on someone else. Unless you want me to tell her the truth, of course."
"Good point, but I don't want her t-"
"You're doing it again. You can't make everyone happy; haven't you learned that by now? And just because someone isn't happy with you doesn't mean that they hate you, you know. Your biggest worry should be fixing things with my cousin and avoiding situations like this from now on, shouldn't it?"
He agreed with her logic, all too aware of his recent penchant for falling into awkward situations. "Right."
"I would like to see you again." Kanoko observed him hopefully. "On a friendly basis. I really did enjoy myself, even though things didn't work out."
"I'd like that." Ueno spoke sincerely. "Thank you for listening."
Kanoko flashed a winsome smile. "You're very welcome. Maybe sometime you could do the same for me."
When her smile began to falter and what Ueno recognized as a fleeting sadness or possibly regret passed over her pretty, delicate features, he wondered just how casual her suggestion had been. "Is there something you need to talk about?"
"Aki and Mira will be here soon. Just focus on taking care of that situation. How about I call you later this week? We can chat then."
"Sure." Ueno looked up. "If I make it out of this alive, that is. Here they come."
Aki wasn't eager to leave his apartment to rescue Ueno, not in his current mindset. He had no idea what had transpired between the two of them, but was mildly relieved to discover that whatever had taken place, the outcome wasn't good. That's what Ueno got, anyway.
Ueno didn't own any other humiliating garments so shaming him further was of out of the question and he reluctantly went through Ueno's bag, selected a comfortable change of clothes, and was promptly bum rushed out of his home.
"Why can't you go alone?" Aki buckled his seatbelt.
"That would be weird." Mira backed out of the parking space, righted the vehicle and made for the parking garage exit before lighting a cigarette. "You're going to have to talk to him sometime. And we may as well go; I'm hungry."
Having no further questions, Aki sat quietly through the short drive. He'd graduated from anger and slight confusion; now he was highly confused due to Mira's rambling, and more than a little ashamed of his own behavior.
He took a deep breath and resolved to simply play the conversation by ear and above all else remain calm and focused. If he was the big old confusing mess Mira said he was, he had to get his head together.
Honest and calm. He repeated his homemade mantra the remainder of the ride and all the way to the door. The words remained present as Mira held open the door and waited for him to enter and through their march, led by Mira, to a small booth underneath a slab of dusty glass that passed for a window.
The diner wasn't the most clean or attractive, but with so close a location to the university, Aki guessed the majority of its clientele were either too drunk, broke, or a mixture of the two to care. He shook his head once before disregarding the unflattering surroundings.
Aki stopped, the small duffel bag he held swinging.
Ueno occupied the seat closest to the window, Kanoko at his side. His cousin managed a smile, but Ueno looked to the left, stubbornly staring out the grease smeared glass. Unabashed, Mira sat in the empty booth across from them.
Kanoko immediately slid from the booth and scurried to Mira's side, drawing a scowl and staunchly ignoring it.
With only one available spot, Aki very deliberately set the bag on the floor and slowly eased into his seat.
Where to begin? Two sets of eyes were trained on him, while Ueno hadn't even glanced in his direction. Aki clasped his hands and rested them on the tabletop, only to promptly remove them from the sticky surface. He wiped his hands on his jeans and all memory of his mantra disappeared, voice tinged with disdain that slipped in below his radar. "Nice place."
"We just kind of ended up here." Ueno rested his chin on an upturned palm.
"Not the classiest place you could have chosen if you wanted to impress someone." Aki crossed his legs at the knee.
Ueno ignored the jibe. "Did you bring my clothes?"
"Yes, and you're welcome. Isn't that the reason you called?"
Bang. Ueno's forehead hit the table top. "I didn't ask you to come."
Kanoko spoke up before Aki could reply. "Ueno didn't even know I had called until I hung up and believe me, that wasn't my primary reason for asking you to come out here."
"Why did you call, then?"
"Forget it." Ueno finally turned toward Aki, though his eyes were trained elsewhere. "Can you let me out?"
"For what?"
"To change; did you bring my clothes for some other reason?"
Aki bristled.
"Aki, move." Ueno scooted to the right. Aki quickly turned his body to the side, planting his feet firmly into the dingy floor.
Mira shook his head, watching Ueno grunt and push while Aki leaned backward with all his weight. "Are you guys serious? Grow up a little."
Ueno glared. "I would like to change!"
"It's your own fault you're uncomfortable."
"How," Ueno huffed, "is this my fault?"
Aki fought a good fight, but was losing physical ground, grunting from exertion. "The reason you're here in the first place is because of your inability to speak up for yourself."
"You'd hate it if stood my ground, and so would everyone else."
"Are you implying that I'm bossy?"
"Both of you can stop." Kanoko tapped a spoon against her water glass. "Aki; there's no reason to fight with him. I don't know why Ueno didn't mention this to you the minute you sat down, but he told me everything. I understand now; why you tried to keep him away from me last Friday, and why you were angry with me." Unconsciously, she raised a hand and massaged the back of her head. "If I had known you were together, I'd never have let my mother bully him into going out with me."
Aki's body went slack mid tussle, and Ueno's shove sent him tumbling from the edge of his seat. He landed in an undignified heap on the peeling linoleum.
"Shit." Irritated as he was, Ueno was out of his seat in record time, helping Aki stand and brusquely brushing off the back of his pants and jacket. "You okay?"
Aki nodded, absently swatting his hands away. "You told her." His voice was soft, but Ueno heard him.
"I told her." Ueno shifted his balance from one foot to the other. "We were sitting here, but I felt so bad for not telling the truth and-"
"Go change." Aki stooped and grabbed the duffle bag by the straps. "Here."
"Are you leaving?" Ueno took the offered bag.
"No." Aki bowed his head briefly. "Go on. I'll be here."
Ueno bolted for the restroom while Aki stared at his shoes, head reeling with the knowledge that yet again, Ueno had been underestimated.
"Aki. Sit down."
"Hmm? Oh." He slowly reclaimed his seat.
"Aki? Are you still angry?" Kanoko watched him nervously. "I didn't know."
"What happened?"
"We both just wanted a quiet place to sit down and talk, so Ueno and I decided to take a walk. We passed by this place and decided to hang out here. We were just talking about boring things; our families, things we liked, things like that."
Aki nodded wordlessly.
"I'll let him tell you in detail, but he pretty much shut down all of a sudden. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that I was pretty, intelligent, and nice, and then he got all agitated. He said I was too good to sit with him." She arched a brow "He also said he didn't care what you told him; that even if I was a whore, I was a nice one."
Aki studied his fingernails. "Oh."
Mira covered his mouth to hide what Aki always called his shit eating grin, but was uncharacteristically silent.
Kanoko didn't acknowledge either reaction. "Basically, long story short, the boy spilled his guts."
Aki exhaled, unaware he had been holding his breath. "Yeah?"
"Yes, and he told me how you've been acting. You should have been trying to help him."
"What a surprise; membership for Team Ueno just increased by one, even after he rejected her." Mira examined a menu. "I bet you feel real stupid right about now."
"It's not rejection," Kanoko lifted her nose, "when he wasn't available to begin with. I would expect you to be more experienced in recognizing rejection, being on the receiving end so often."
While the two of them turned on one another, Aki continued to stare at his hands, comfort and shame splitting dominance, only admitting that Mira was correct to himself. As his anger dissipated, he was able to hear his mantra again and took a deep slow breath, and then another, until the trembling in his fingers eased and he back in his happy place.
When Ueno returned, party clothes tucked safely away in his bag, he also appeared to have achieved dubious semblance of tranquility. His gait was again fluid and relaxed, although his expression bore slight unease.
Aki scooted over to make room and Ueno took his place beside him. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Aki mumbled, dropping his hands into his lap.
The quartet sat in stillness until Ueno broke the silence. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.+" Ueno murmured. "I'm sorry."
Under the table, Aki's fingers unerringly found Ueno's hand and squeezed. He felt Ueno's cheek drop to his shoulder and he closed his eyes, responding in kind, his own cheek coming to rest against Ueno's thick hair.
How anticlimactic, Aki thought to himself, dazed. He'd expected fireworks. They could wait to discuss the finer details until they were free of their audience, but if Ueno could extend a public apology, he'd make an attempt as well.
"I know you had your reasons, and I'm sorry for refusing to try and understand."
"I'm sorry for not thinking of you first."
"I'm sorry for choosing that outfit. And for being so mean."
Ueno, regardless of his embarrassment, smiled. "I'll recover."
Aki whispered his next statement. "As penance, I'll let you choose an outfit for me. Anything you want."
"Anything?" Ueno snorted, but after a moment, closed his eyes and pondered. He thought hard, then tilted his head upward so his lips brushed Aki's earlobe and whispered his request.
Aki cleared his throat and as cool and unflappable as he usually was, reddened slightly. He hadn't necessarily been anticipating a real reply; it had been more of a token gesture. "You're not very vengeful." He'd spent plenty of time within the last year naked and had no reservations in parading around that way now, so he didn't see how it would balance any scales.
Kanoko cleared her throat. "I feel like I should participate. I'm sorry for getting caught in the middle, even though it wasn't my fault. At all."
Aki opened his eyes, directing his next apology to his cousin. "I'm sorry for trying to pull out your hair."
Ueno jumped in. "And I'm sorry for not being honest." He paused. "And for having a breakdown at the table. And embarrassing you in public. And calling you names."
Mira shrugged. "I got nothing to apologize for. Anyone else ordering?"
Ueno lifted his head. "You didn't eat tonight?"
"You went out. Who was there to feed us?" Mira proved to be adept in the ways of manipulation. "To be honest, I'd rather have your cooking than anything they have here."
Ueno observed Mira in mock consternation. "We haven't eaten yet, either. Let's go, and I'll make you guys something."
Aki was happy that another week was successfully completed, but not necessarily the note in which it had ended.
The downside, of course, had been the now completed first half of his visit. The tension that insulated the entire room had choked him and made his skin crawl. It was no doubt distressing for all those involved and left Aki to wonder why his parents insisted on bringing him along. His presence had to serve as a constant reminder of what had ensued over a year ago. How was having him around beneficial to his sister's healing whatsoever?
There was truly no reason to stay in a hotel overnight; his parents simply enjoyed an occasional overnight trip, and this provided an excuse for them to visit her twice; once when they arrived, and in the morning before they returned home. Aki was privileged enough to have been given his own room and he was grateful for the privacy, but yearned strongly for home. Sleep was an alternative and would bring the trip to its conclusion more quickly, but after taking a shower and huddling alone under the comforter of a foreign bed for over an hour, he acknowledged the preferred alternative wouldn't come easily.
Now he sat awaiting the morning. He shouldn't be here.
He didn't know what prompted his action, as it was much too late to place a social call, but one moment he was holding his cel phone, running the fingers of one hand over the cool screen and the next, Ueno's voice resounded in his ear.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm okay."
"You don't sound okay." Aki was able to hear faint rustling, and then a small squeak.
"What was that?"
"Oh." Aki could tell by the tone of Ueno's voice that he was smiling. "That was your kitty. You have great timing; I woke up to feed him."
"How was the party?"
"I didn't go. I went out with Haru and some friends for a little while, but I came home early. It's over anyway. He and his friends went out to drink."
"Was he fine with Mira while you were at work?"
"Of course. Mira took good care of him. Did you think he wouldn't?"
"I suppose not." Aki lapsed into silence.
Ueno took a breath. "How was your visit?"
"You don't want to know."
"Yes, I do." Ueno's voice lowered, turning gentle. "Can I ask you her name?"
"Fumi." He'd never told Ueno his sister's name?
"Is she doing well?" Ueno seemed to be choosing his words carefully.
"Yup; she's improving. She talked a little to my parents."
"But not you?"
"No, and she didn't the last time either, but why should she? It's useless for me to even try and talk to her, but my mom insisted."
Ueno, having nothing to contribute, was no doubt waiting patiently for Aki to continue. When the silence stretched onward, he finally spoke. "Do you want to talk to her?"
"There isn't any point in me even trying. What can I say to her? My parents still take care of me, gave me my own place to live, give me money, you name it. Mira forgave me for walking out of him, and he still wants to be involved. You're even still here. I have everything, she has nothing, and she's much more deserving than I am."
"You said before that she was admitted because of drugs, didn't you? You also told me that no one ever paid any attention to what she said because she was under some influence. How is that your fault?"
Aki opened his mouth to reply, only to quickly press his lips together, surprise rendering him temporarily speechless. Ueno made sense to a certain degree, but Aki couldn't absolve himself of all blame.
"Aki?" Ueno spoke his name worriedly.
He recovered. "She had problems before she found out. But I helped verify everyone's opinion of her when I called her a liar. And she wouldn't have attacked him if she hadn't caught us together. She was asleep- she was always sleeping- and I told him she was in the next room, bu-" He paused, hearing what he presumed was a slamming door. "What are you doing?"
"Checking to see if Mira made it back yet," Ueno answered, "I want him to come get you. I don't think you should stay there."
"No; it's late, and I don't want to bother anyone."
Ueno sighed. "I don't want you sitting alone all night beating yourself up. Did you do this the last time you saw her?"
"I do it every day." Surprisingly, while still anxious, his admissions were doing something strange to his insides. Reliving each moment wasn't having the anticipated effect; he experienced an unfurling sensation in his chest and coolness spread outward, comforting him from the inside out. In his right mind, he'd never had mentioned how deeply his guilt ran, but Ueno's voice was so soft and bewitching, and Aki was so tired. It was as if the words had been drawn from him, pulled instead of pushed.
Ueno paused before speaking again. "What happened after she caught you?"
Aki, as much as he always tried to forget, could still recall her already pale skin blanching to an alarming whiteness, wide, dark eyes in stark contrast with the pastiness of her cheeks.
He couldn't blame her, not one bit. Now he was able to admit his fault. He could imagine how horrible it had been for her to catch her beloved little brother who had been her former partner in crime, tangled in the bed sheets, naked and tousled, skin flushed, with a man over twice his age hovering over him. His own distress had to have been evident; he hadn't wanted it, not then, and tried his hardest to prevent it but his master never dealt with refusal gracefully.
He shuddered, her cry of outrage echoing in his skull, still fresh even after over a year, the panicked waving of her arms vivid in his mind.
"After that, I had to perform some damage control, but that was easy." Aki frowned, his fatigue reaching an all-time high. "Of course, there was no shutting her up, so I didn't even try to convince her to keep quiet. The only thing I could do was deny her accusations. That wasn't even a problem; in my dad's eyes, neither of us could do any wrong. We both told my parents that she made it all up, and he believed us without a second thought."
Aki could feel Ueno's confusion over the air waves, feel his brain cranking away to make sense of those words, but Aki couldn't bring himself to make an attempt to cure it.
"Wait. Your dad knows him?"
That had been one hell of a slip. Aki's frame of mind altered, as if a bucket of cold water had been upturned over his head and snapped him out his stupor. "I can't talk about this anymore. I'm sorry."
"But, Aki, I-" Ueno stopped, and Aki could hear him inhale deeply, could imagine Ueno counting in order to regain control. Again, Aki understood. He'd been on the precipice of understanding almost everything; he was so close. "Okay."
"I'm sorry." Aki said again, understanding he was at fault for yet another tense moment, one that could have been prevented. He should have made small talk. He shouldn't have called in the first place. It was selfish to expose Ueno to half the truth in order to ease his own nerves and then refuse to reveal the remainder of it. It was surprisingly edifying for him, but he was sure it wasn't having the same effect for Ueno.
"Okay," Ueno said again, voice high with strain. "I promised."
Aki surmised that he wasn't angry, merely at a loss for words.
"I love you," Aki uttered, voice hushed enough to be a whisper, feeling rather low. The declaration was ill timed and nowhere near enough, but it was all he could think of to say, because it was the truth and something he could provide honestly.
Ueno heaved another audible sigh and for a split second, Aki feared that would be his only reply, but then it came. "I love you too."
Aki was somehow going to have to endure the remainder of the night and part of a day before he could find solace. Rarely since coming together had he spent a night away from Ueno, even if they were simply snoring the night away side by side, and pardon the expression; it sucked. Second, the knowledge that he had yet another visit ahead of him filled him with a sense of debilitating dread, made him want to claw desperately at the hotel walls even as he sat there, unmoving.
Oh, yes; due to the half bomb he'd just dropped, there was no promise that returning home would be any comfort either.
After they exchanged their formal goodbyes, Aki gently set the phone on the bedside table. He was so stupid for calling without his normal mask in place. They'd both come to another understanding on Wednesday, and spent the rest of the night and the following day together amicably. Why foul that up?
And why was it so easy to keep his business to himself when it came to everyone but Ueno? He wondered how badly Ueno would take it, if Aki filled in the blanks and laid out the full truth. There weren't many holes left to fill, but they were deep.
He acknowledged that lately he'd lost hold of his good sense. He wasn't normally one to overact, and had never been prone to bouts of craziness. It must be one of those things that happened when a person began to care for another almost as much, if not more, than they cared for themselves. Add to that the fact that he was hiding something that ate at him daily, and he supposed he could blame his unstable behavior on the underlying stress that resulted.
In a final ditch attempt, Aki wished fervently for Ueno to simply drop the subject, and for no more events that would force him to clarify or explain himself any further. While he did so, deep beneath the surface, a voice told him that no matter how hard he wished or tried to prevent the inevitable, the effort would be in vain.
He was attempting to stop yet another moving train.
Another thought took over; if he was trying to halt the inevitable, was there any point? Instead of exhausting himself mentally by slowing the process, it might be to his benefit to help it along. If there was one person in this world who could possibly cope with the facts willingly, wasn't Ueno that person? And if Ueno wasn't that person, Aki figured now was as good a time as any to find out, before he grew more attached, if that was even possible.
The weeks passed and they dealt with each obstacle as it came. Little tidbits of Aki's life had been put on display, but Ueno didn't appear to be deterred in the slightest. He may not completely understand Aki, but he'd remained true to his word, forever present and supporting.
Aki allowed himself to fantasize of speaking to Ueno with no more cryptic statements or half explanations. Once the truth was laid out and dealt with, perhaps there would be no need to specifically mention it again. A wholesome existence wasn't one that he'd ever wanted or imagined for himself, particularly since becoming involved with his master, but it didn't seem as boring or unappetizing now. Life without worry might be fun.
Of course, that possibility was only attainable if Ueno wasn't disgusted into fleeing. Now he understood that he'd been moving towards this moment ever since the night he, his father, and Ueno met in the hallway, perhaps even since they'd ran into each other in school that first day. In a more vulnerable moment, he wondered if their meeting had been predetermined.
To think that revealing the bare minimum only when forced to in order to avoid the inevitable was no doubt a result of delusion; it had exact opposite result. It may have kept him out of hot water for a moment, but also taught him that if Ueno could accept one not-so-pleasant fact, maybe he'd be able to accept another.
And another, and another. A few weeks had altered his point of view just a bit; before, his life had been one he'd been sure Ueno couldn't accept. He'd been fine with that, estimating that as long as Ueno remained ignorant, life would remain status quo. What he hadn't anticipated was actually wanting to put out his dirty laundry. He wanted the facts that separated the two of them from knowing each other completely to become a non-issue. But how could he be sure of that outcome?
There wasn't any guarantee and If Ueno was going to find out anyway, it shouldn't be from Mira or anyone else, leaving Aki to perform more damage control; it seemed there was a lot of that between the two of them. Aki had to be the one to reveal his ugly deeds and the disturbing state of mind that ruled him, both past and present.
When resignation gave way to hope, Aki couldn't be certain. But now that hope had been realized, he found he couldn't let it go. The seeds were planted and the tendrils of root were spreading, grabbing hold of unseen masses, making the idea of writing off his plans of confession an absolutely hopeless one. It was exhilarating, but he was all too aware that the outcome could be disastrous.
Aki had to get home now, even if he had to use his feet and pound pavement. This was a mission that had to be accomplished before he lost his nerve.
His father hadn't necessarily been angry-merely a tad put out- when Aki knocked on their door and explained that he had forgotten about an all-day group study session of extreme importance scheduled for early that morning. It was a weak excuse, but his father accepted it easily.
He'd rubbed sleep from his eyes with one fist, and then set about getting dressed; after all, this was his son's academic future on the line. Aki then hurried back to his room, ensuring that he had packed his few belongings as his father prepared to leave.
Aki had felt a minimum of guilt at deceiving his father into taking him home, only to drive back. That guilt increased as his mother, who had also been sleeping peacefully, roused herself and insisted on joining them. They had plenty of time, his father stated, to get back and sleep a little longer before visiting hours began.
Aki stared out of his window from the backseat, unable to distinguish anything concrete in the darkness of early morning, merely acknowledging that every passing outline or mass indicated brought him closer to his home.
He'd intended to stick it out but after that phone call his restlessness reached a fever pitch and he'd had to at least try. As luck would have it, not twenty minutes had passed before they were whizzing back toward the city where the only thing that could keep Aki sane was probably sleeping as well.
That was fine. A wide awake Ueno wasn't necessary; a live Ueno in close proximity would do him just fine. The added bonus of skipping another nerve-wracking session with the sibling unit made his decision even easier.
As his father pulled into the circular driveway, he apologized for the inconvenience, all the while twitching in anticipation as the car slowed to a stop. It didn't end until he stood in front of his door and produced his key, working the lock before gently pushing open his final obstacle.
The entire apartment was dark though sunlight wasn't far away, and Aki stood for a moment after shutting the door behind him, sighing in relief. He didn't bother with lights, shoving his key ring into his pocket before making his way toward his bedroom in the darkness.
His foot connected with something as he eased his way past the couch. Aki crouched, using a hand in an attempt to identify the bulk. Unless his couch, chair or coffee table had been moved, this was a foreign object. His fingers skated along roughly edged cardboard, and then wrapped themselves around a cord.
The kitten's bed. Aki realized he was holding the power cord for the heating pad.
He carefully stepped over the box, completing his trek to the bedroom and wondering why Ueno would leave the cat in the living area; they were able to respond to the kitten's cries during the night more easily with the bed placed in the bathroom.
Aki had been able to cross his living area in the darkness but he needed to change, so he flipped on the bedside lamp.
The room was empty.
He peered into the living area, the lamp providing enough light to reveal that Ueno was indeed in the apartment, spread out on Aki's sofa. One arm dangled, knuckles brushing the floor, long legs straight, calves on one armrest, head pillowed on two plump cushions.
He smiled before shutting his door and beginning to undress. It appeared they would both be sleeping on the couch that morning. Quickly donning lighter clothing, he rooted in his closet for another blanket, and then doused the lights.
He experienced no shame as he walked to the end of the couch, though he carefully crawled onto the soft cushions and draped himself over Ueno's body before covering them with the blanket. Ueno grunted, but didn't stir.
And then there was relief. Ueno's breathing was regular and deep, heat rising from his body in waves, form both solid and accommodating. Aki declined possibly waking Ueno by indulging in a kiss and simply nestled his forehead in the crook of the darker man's neck. Ueno's scent filled his nose and spread, until Aki was surrounded by it, unable to sense anything else.
The tension in his limbs slowly dissipated until lassitude had been fully achieved, his body growing heavy and his eyelids descending. Hovering on the brink but unable to fully give in to sleep, he estimated that he'd spent roughly a half-hour sprawled over his boyfriend's form before Ueno began to wake.
He snapped back to awareness quickly, opening his eyes, startled to see that at some point, the day had begun and dim light infiltrated the room.
Aki gave Ueno time to wake; he'd discovered in their time together that unless Ueno was roused by something abrupt, such as an alarm, phone, or being shaken, that he woke in increments. Restless movements, stretching and murmuring preceded the actual opening of his dark eyes.
In the meantime, Aki amused himself nicely, contentedly nuzzling the side of Ueno's neck with his nose and lips. By the time Ueno's eyes slid open and he lifted his head, wakefulness expedited by Aki's adoration, the fairer had graduated from his neck to his jaw line and chin.
Aki looked up, watching cloudiness fade from Ueno's eyes, comprehension taking its place.
"When did you get back? What time is it?" Ueno's voice was thick.
"No idea, but I haven't been here long."
"Did Mira bring you home?"
Aki smiled. "Nuh uh. I lied to my dad about having work to do, so he brought me back." He didn't mention that he'd felt the need to hurry home after their phone call. He felt badly enough, having put Ueno through undue stress and making sure there was no consequence had been the priority, to make sure Ueno wasn't agonizing unnecessarily and to clear the air, of course.
"I was worried." A hand slid across Aki's flank and settled at the small of his back.
"I'm okay now." Aki answered Ueno honestly, his lips nudging Ueno's jaw. "Everything's fine. I do want to talk to you, but we can do that later."
Ueno stilled. "About what?"
"I'm ready."
Ueno pulled away. "For?"
"To tell you what I wouldn't say before, about what we talked about on the phone earlier; everything."
Doggedly, he continued his caresses until Ueno was inspired into reciprocation. He felt the heavy sigh Ueno heaved, felt his chest rise and fall, was aware of his head dropping back to the pillows. Two sets of fingers slid under the hem of his shirt, gliding over his skin in circular motions.
Neither of them deemed it necessary to rush. Ueno slid his hands from under the thin shirt Aki wore, choosing instead to thread his fingers through silkiness at the back of Aki's head and use his grip to draw their faces in line.
The next few moments were a blur. His eyes closed, lips moistened and bathed in warm breath, he'd been leisurely lowering his head to delight in their first kiss in days.
Only to stymied when Ueno's fingers, carded in the softness of his hair, tightened painfully, drawing a strangled gasp from his throat.
Aki froze in befuddlement while Ueno yanked his fingers free and thrashed underneath him. He raised himself, supporting his weight on his forearms and gazing down at Ueno quizzically, lips parting in mute query.
Ueno's arms came up and he pushed at Aki's shoulders, urgent, inarticulate sounds bursting from his lips; he was trying to speak, but Aki couldn't for the life of him decipher his blubbering. Ueno used one arm to point toward something in the distance, and Aki craned his neck.
Aki cursed inwardly, more peeved than frightened. He carefully separated himself from Ueno and stood, blanket gathered in his hands.
Ueno jumped to his feet as well, and Aki turned toward him briefly, murmuring quietly. "It's okay, Ueno. Relax." Then he focused his attention on his visitor.
He clutched a small bag, large enough to carry a day's worth of clothing, a toothbrush, a few hair products, a book, and some homework. Aki knew the exact contents, as he suddenly recalled that he'd set that very same bag on the backseat- and apparently forgotten to bring it in with him.
"Hi, son." His father extended an arm, and Aki hesitantly accepted the offering. "Sorry to just barge in, but you left that behind." With both hands now free, he crossed his arms, alternating his attention between the two youths.
Aki was more concerned with how his father had entered without either of them hearing the door so he hadn't yet transitioned into panic mode, but he could hear labored breathing behind him; Ueno was already there.
Said door opened again, and his mother slipped inside, her lips curving into a smile as she spied Aki and Ueno. "Mira's normally an early riser, but I don't think he's home. Oh! Good Morning, Ueno. Are you studying with Aki this morning too?"
Satou-san raised his hand. "Not the best time, dear."
"Hm?" She looked toward her husband. "What's the matter?"
"Why don't I let the two of them fill you in?" His father crossed his arms again, eyes void of their standard twinkle. "I don't care who, but one of you better have an explanation prepared for… this, and it better be creative."
Aki didn't grow overly concerned until he turned to Ueno. His skin paler than Aki had ever seen, he appeared to be on the verge of some sort of meltdown. His mouth opened, but no sound escaped.
"Will you excuse us?" Aki turned Ueno around, which was an easy feat. He then pressed his hands to Ueno's back and shoved, propelling them both to the bedroom.
Aki shut the door behind them and leaned against it while Ueno stumbled toward the bed, collapsing on the edge.
There was a poignant silence as the two of them stared at one another. Aki stayed where he was; touching Ueno at this point didn't seem wise. He spoke from his post against the door.
"Ueno. Are you going to be able to go back out there?"
"What if I can't?"
"There's always the window."
"That's not funny." Ueno flopped onto his back for roughly two seconds, and then snapped back into a sitting position. "You're not worried?"
"No, since we haven't even talked to them yet." Aki spoke that half-truth and watched as Ueno stood, strode over to the closet, slipped a button-down shirt from a hanger, and tossed it on the bed.
"I'm helping you pack." Ueno answered the question before Aki could ask. He flung another top, along with a pair of jeans and turned back to the closet for the next load.
"This isn't necessary." Aki raised a brow. Ueno abandoned his previous method and simply yanked clothing, along with their hangers, from the closet. "Where am I going?"
"He looked mad." Ueno's movements slowed, until he stopped altogether. "I work for him!"
"You forgot?"
"That's not what I mean." Ueno was panting, and Aki finally approached, eyes wide. "You have to move, and I probably don't have a job anymore."
As Aki reached him, Ueno's pants turned to wheezes and he bent over, hands braced on his knees. "Ueno, don't do this." Aki's tone turned pleading. "You're going to upset me, and we can't both lose our minds- not at the same time."
Ueno spoke between gasps. "We c-can't fit all your crap and the cat in a cab- or in my apartment. Your place is bigger than mine. We'll be bumping into each other as it is. You're going to have to leave s-some of this stuff here."
While Ueno agonized, Aki imagined himself in the picture Ueno painted; the two of them dealing with messes, his clothes overflowing from Ueno's small closet and the two of them hanging out on Ueno's lumpy couch. Aki would try and help with the laundry and cleaning, and maybe Ueno could teach him to cook so they could prepare meals together. They went to bed together nearly every night, but to have no other option and live together officially was kind of exciting. He almost felt guilty.
"It sounds like fun." Aki put a finger to his lips, trying his luck at distraction. "Maybe I'll learn how to cook."
Ueno's head shot up. "What? Are you messing with me?"
"You didn't enjoy my salad Thursday night?"
"You boiled the vegetables. Who does that?" Aki's attempt was successful; Ueno was smiling in spite of his distress.
Aki embraced him. "I know how you feel, but you can't go out there like this. Breathe." He awkwardly patted Ueno's back. "Besides, this would have happened sooner or later, right?"
"Yeah?" Aki felt a frantic heartbeat as he held on, but gradually, it began to slow.
"We'll deal with it, right?" Aki looked into Ueno's eyes.
Ueno nodded slowly.
"I have to admit," Aki continued, smiling in spite of the situation waiting for them on the other side of his bedroom door, "I like the fact that your first reaction was to run off with me. I could really live with you?"
Ueno's attention was diverted and his expression turned incredulous. "Are you stupid? Where else would I let you stay?"
"Let? And you think I'm bossy." Ueno's response to his inquiry answered a multitude of others, ones that Aki was unable to currently address. He tightened his arms. "Does that mean even if my parents don't approve, you're not going to back down or agree to do something crazy, like agree to break up with me and sneak around instead?"
"I won't." Ueno returned, weakly returning the hug at long last.
"Are you telling the truth? No matter what?" Aki needed a promise. He couldn't face his parents with conviction if he wasn't sure Ueno would back him up. There would be no point.
"No matter what. You're first now." Ueno vowed, almost whispering.
"They're not going to just disappear, no matter how long we stay in here." Aki pulled himself free of their hug and turned. He wasn't positive that his father wouldn't go ballistic no matter how laid back he tried to be, of where he would be sleeping that night, or whether or not he would have parents after today. If they couldn't escape from the situation unscathed, Aki could very quickly be dependent on Ueno, at least until he got on his feet and planned a course of action.
He reached backward and as if on cue, Ueno immediately wrapped his warm fingers around Aki's cooler ones and they headed for the door.
Aki detected only a slight tremble.
