Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

The Long Way Home: Chapter 26

Ueno was having a hard time lining up matters in order of importance; staring at the message for the tenth time and looking for answers that wouldn't come, making his way back to the table so he could get a better look at this Okada Hideaki, or tracking down his boyfriend.

He had no question regarding why Aki had disappeared now; the question was where he'd taken off to and what-or how- he was doing.

That thought was all he needed for his priorities to shift and lock in the proper order. Ueno closed his phone and shoved it into his back pocket, steeling himself for some serious weirdness before opening the door and reentering the lobby.

A quick glance down the tree-lined sidewalk produced no results. He'd work his way back to their tables and if Aki hadn't reappeared, he'd excuse himself again and try reaching him by phone.

Ueno's frustration grew as he weaved his way through the congestion a second time, but he wasn't able to credit his agitation to the hassle.

Earlier that same day, Aki had expressed concern at what the man would do if he discovered that Aki was seeing someone. Ueno hadn't paid it much attention, but if Aki's concerns were well founded, they were in for some trouble because after the man sat down for a good five minutes, there was no way he wouldn't be made aware of Aki's relationship status. That's why they were all there, anyway.

Come to think of it, he'd probably been made aware of it before he even arrived, since Satou-san had requested his presence. Or maybe since his title of master also included a prowess regarding surveillance, the news hadn't been a surprise to him.

The knowledge made Ueno's stomach churn, and he couldn't imagine what Aki was experiencing, the emotions that might have come over him when he'd seen the older man enter and begin to approach their table.

Aki had made it back to their table and the old pervert, as Ueno had already dubbed the man in his head, had Aki by the shoulders, holding him back at arm's length. Satou-san stood next to them, arms crossed.

"Is that any way to greet your favorite uncle?"

Aki said something, but Ueno was unable to hear from where he stood, given Aki's lower reply.

The old pervert laughed. "Water under the bridge. I forgive you. Always will." He hauled Aki in for what some people probably categorized as a hug, but to Ueno closely resembled a headlock.

In most cases, it wouldn't be cause for concern. Family did that kind of weird stuff. Ueno came from a rowdy bunch himself; within his own family a headlock, tousling of hair, a jab, or even a random tackle wouldn't draw a second glance.

Making the decision to stay back wasn't easy, given that Aki's posture and facial expression indicated desperation warring with complete withdrawal. If could Ueno could act purely on instinct, he'd make an idiot of himself and regardless, the action would prove useless. If he marched on over, wrenched the man's arms away and dragged Aki to the opposite corner of the room, he'd only potentially cause backlash. It wasn't as if the guy would try anything in front of the family anyway. He'd just stay on his toes and make sure they weren't left alone. He slid back into his seat, not acknowledging Mira's questing glance.

Ueno had first met Aki while he lay scuffed and surly, curled up on the floor in that tiny, closeted area. He had been more focused, however, on the fact that he'd discovered a naked man tied and immobile, rather than his actual condition, of the scratches and pain.

At their second meeting, he'd been concerned with the bandages, splint, busted lip, and the multitude of bruises; he'd even asked how Aki had received them. But, as Ueno stared and sputtered, he'd instead turned his focus to the incredible coincidence of them actually running into one another again, not his injuries.

In hindsight, he was more disturbed by Aki's aches and pains-physical and otherwise- than he had been then, sadly.

Knowing what he did now, the memory of how Aki had still managed to smile and rib Ueno gently had more meaning. Again, Ueno recognized his beauty more now than then. In knowing Aki more intimately, looking back drew even more emotion. Before, he'd been looking at a rather unusual individual who experienced some misfortune.

Now he was in love with a wonderful but incredibly complex individual who had been through more than Ueno would have imagined. He'd been intrigued and attracted to him- yes. But he hadn't loved him then, hadn't learned about him and hadn't yet begun to grow steadily more and more besotted with his voice, smile and spirit. He'd risen above his previous life, and contrary to Aki's personal belief regarding his worth, he deserved happiness and peace.

Knowing Aki deserved those things, it set his skin to crawling watching Aki interact with the man who used the knowledge of their wrongdoings to drive Aki to believe that having a good life wasn't possible, that he didn't deserve it.

He couldn't allow that to happen again, and he couldn't allow Aki one more minute of discomfort, no matter how foolish or disrespectful he appeared.

Ueno had resolved not to interrupt or pry, but he was a breath away from disregarding his promise. This was his business now too. He pushed his chair back and stood again. Aki turned his head, eyebrows raised in alarm.

"Mira, can you move over one?" Ueno queried in his lowest voice.

Mira had no objection, no sarcastic question or commentary; he scooted over quickly. Ueno was relieved Mira understood without any clarification or at the very least, didn't feel like being contrary at the moment.

He held out his hand, knowing that his typical friendly smile was nowhere in sight. He didn't care.

Aki's relief was obvious. After another millisecond of waiting, Ueno would have removed him forcibly, but bless his little screwed up heart, he gently extracted himself from the grip and the company of the two older men with an "excuse me" and slipped into the offered chair.

Ueno could tell their presence-his and Mira's- calmed the fairer to some degree. Under the table, he reached out, taking ownership of Aki's icy fingers and sliding them into his own lap, squeezing gently. A quick look to his side, and he noticed that Mira had taken possession of Aki's right hand. He wasn't annoyed. Comfort from both of them might be necessary and whatever helped Aki, Ueno wouldn't question today. He found himself grateful that Mira understood and was willing to share responsibility.

He leaned close to Aki's ear, disregarding appearance. "As soon as we can get out of here," he whispered, squeezing Aki's fingers for emphasis, "we'll go."

Aki faced him fully, and the withdrawal and resignation were still there, so present and powerful, that Ueno felt an initial stirring of anger begin at his core. "Y-you-"

"Yeah." Ueno nodded. "We have to talk. Today, okay?"

"Okay." Aki whispered back.

Ueno gave his hand a shake. "Or if you want, I can tell your mom and dad you don't feel well and we can leave now."

A shake of his head and a deep, shuddering breath, and Aki's expression returned to normal. "No. We'll never hear the end of it. I can handle it."

Of course he could. Ueno nodded again. "Whatever you want." He edged his chair as closely as he could, not caring or acknowledging any commentary or glances. What did he care about appearances at a time like this?

Aki, after recovering from his shock and revulsion, was as sociable as could be originally expected of him. His family didn't appear to sense anything amiss.

Somehow, Ueno's anger mounted with that knowledge.

For once, Ueno struggled to interact. While answering questions when asked and merely smiling while others laughed, his focus remained on the mess seated quietly next to him. As luck would have it, that seemed to be expected of him, solidifying an image of the loving, devoted beau.

Aki's beloved uncle commanded most of the attention, anyway. He was an animated story teller, and while Ueno's main concern was Aki, he couldn't help listening. He'd done unspeakable things to Aki, but if not for him, the two of them may have never met and if not for him, Aki wouldn't be the man he was today. For that reason alone, Ueno's interest was uncontrollable.

The information Ueno gleaned was impressive. He had that apartment in the city, luxurious yet small, which was all he needed since he went on trips frequently for work. Ueno knew just how luxurious.

"In fact," Satou-san supplemented, seemingly out of thin air, as at the time Ueno hadn't been paying much attention, "he designed the hotel, son."

"Oh." Ueno looked up, startled. "You're an architect?"

"That I am, though design is a rather glamorous way of looking at things. There's a lot of dirty work involved." Okada-san nodded. "Although, it's a love of mine. Making money while you're having fun isn't really work."

Oh shit, the guy was nice and likeable. Ueno understood the man's allure now. He had an easy going, laid back manner in an outward sense. People wanted the man to like them, probably clamoring for his favor. If Ueno hadn't known any better, he may have been swept up in the magic himself.

"Ueno, is it?"

"Yes, sir." Ueno cleared his throat and answered politely, respectfully, though the man damn well knew his name. It simply wasn't in his make up to behave otherwise, regardless of how he felt about the man.

The nice old pervert smiled crookedly, and Ueno was again struck dumb at how outwardly likeable the man was. "Age?"

"Twenty one, sir."

"That would make you a junior, most likely?"

"Yes, sir."

"Uncle. There's no need for formalities with family. And big brother here has informed me that's what you are."

At a loss, Ueno merely nodded. This guy was scary, for lack of a better word. It would be best to let his new uncle do all of the talking; it lessened the risk of Ueno inserting his foot into his mouth and saying anything damaging.

How did Aki feel around him? Ueno had to wonder, because at the moment, his head swam in confusion, the sensation of seeming transparent, of vulnerability, overpowering. Was it only a fraction of Aki experienced with him? How did the man behave behind closed doors?

Ueno waited as patiently as possible for Aki's cue. He sat through the meal, which he barely touched, and Aki even less. He watched his new uncle very carefully, using the man's monopoly on the conversation as an excuse to study him undetected.

Truth be told, he wasn't old. He was younger than Aki's father, who Ueno knew was only in his mid-forties. He was on the tall side, without an ounce of fat. His dark hair was in glossy, modern disarray and his hazel eyes twinkled as he spoke. Based on his appearance and mode of dress, one could easily assume the man to be in his late-twenties. He wasn't at all unattractive, which lead Ueno to wonder what he'd want with a young boy; he could have his pick of eligible men or women, whatever his fancy. But deep down, Ueno understood that availability didn't always impact desire; he had experience in that department. How many available women had come out of the woodwork over the last week or so with no success?

Lost in his thoughts, he jumped when Aki's uncle addressed him again.

"You met my Aki in school?"

Ueno nodded. "Yes, sir. This term."

"The semester hasn't been in session very long. Sounds like a whirlwind romance to me."

Aki, out of action the majority of the dinner, addressed his uncle. "That's one way of putting it."

There were definitely more ways to describe what the two of them had, and Aki's tone wasn't close to friendly, but Ueno couldn't fight his smile. Having another issue to focus on certainly resulted in a lack of self-consciousness regarding the very reason they were all sitting together now. The cat was out of the bag, no pun intended, so it would be silly to downplay their closeness.

But on the other hand, if downplaying their closeness would spare irritating Aki's uncle, maybe hushing up would be worth it.

"My dad told me you were out of town. Were you working on something new?"

Ueno's eyes widened. Aki was actually attempting to carry on normal conversation with the guy. He was much more of a soldier than Ueno gave him credit for. If dear uncle was attempting to throw Aki off by attending, he might be in for a surprise.

"A client put me up in a hotel near a new building site, wanted me to take a look at the surrounding area before I started working on the design. The guy wanted me to work on something that would blend in with the surrounding wildlife and wouldn't be too much of an eyesore. It was a nice getaway, even though it was for work."

"And how did it go?"

"It went very well, but I'm sure you don't want hear about roofing, plumb walls or beam load calculations and I'm more interested in how you've been. I haven't spoken to you directly since you moved out."

"I've been fine, but you were already aware of that."

Strange. Ueno followed Aki's dialogue with his uncle while staring into the still surface of his water glass. Aki sounded almost normal, if not a tad sarcastic.

"Well, of course. I talk to your father. I did consider calling you for your birthday, but I thought it wise to wait since we didn't part ways on glowing terms. I did send you a little something; I hope you liked it."

Ueno briefly shut his eyes, and then turned his head to gauge Aki's reaction.

To his utter befuddlement, Aki smiled and nodded. "Of course. Ueno and I both appreciated your thoughtfulness."

"What kind of gift were you able to share?" Satou-san was smiling, but obviously perplexed.

At that, Aki paused.

"Oh, you know how I love gadgets, toys, electronics, you know. I simply unloaded some of my stock onto Aki. I can never get around to using all the things I purchase. You know that."

"In understanding that, some would simply save their money." Aki's father chuckled. "But that's never been your style."

Brotherly banter ensued, and Ueno's heart dislodged from his throat when it became obvious the focus was no longer on the younger men.

After what seemed like an eternity, family members began to part. Mira was one of the last to leave. "I'll see you guys later, unless you want to ride back with me."

Ueno shook his head. "I was thinking we could walk for a little while." He looked to Aki for confirmation, who nodded. "But we'll probably see you later."

"Aki, your apartment unlocked?"

Aki nodded. "Probably."

"I'll check on the little guy. You can take your time." Mira beat a hasty retreat, bidding a general farewell. Ueno heard Aki breathe a sigh of relief next to him; at Mira not causing a scene, no doubt.

"That reminds me, you two; we need to talk about that a little more in depth." Satou-san cleared his throat. "Just how did a cat end up in my building?"

Uncle lifted his head. "You have a cat?"

Before Ueno could speak, Aki intervened. "You don't care for felines, do you? Perhaps we should have gotten a hamster instead."

For a split second, Uncle's eyes narrowed. Ueno held up his hands, recognizing that Aki's words irked his uncle somewhat, but not sure why. "Sort of. Sir, I found him while I was working Monday night."

"Found him?"

"Yeah. I was out back taking care of the garbage and he was buried in one of the bins. He was wet and cold and I don't know how much longer he would have lasted out there. He's too small to fend for himself; he can't even eat on his own."

"I see. Well, I don't suppose you could have left him there to die, hmm?" Aki's father scratched the back of his head, clearly torn between rules and sympathy. "That would certainly have been inhumane. But what do you plan on doing with him?"

Aki turned to his father. "I want to keep him."

"Aki, I understand why you rescued him, but there's no reason that you can't find another home for him. We can hold out for a bit until you find one, but we can't allow you to keep that thing indefinitely. It-"

"We've taken good care of him-all three of us. He's clean, and once he's a little bigger, we'll take him to the vet. He won't be any trouble, and you won't even know he's there. We promise. Right, Ueno?"

"We promise." Ueno echoed. "Sir, we'll handle him responsibly. I'm sure he was dumped because whoever had him assumed he was too small to survive, so I don't think he'll grow up to be very big. You should come up and take a good look at him sometime."

"You two will keep the flea ball clean, and the apartment spotless?"

"Yes."

"You'll keep it up to date on vaccinations, and keep the veterinarian visits current?"

"Yes."

"You'll keep him on your floor at all times, unless he's in transport?"

"Yes."

"When he's being transported, you'll keep him boxed up so that patrons don't see him?"

"Yes."

"You won't give him some stupid name, like Blackie?"

"Or Fluffy." Aki's mother piped in.

"No." Ueno said, and looked to Aki for affirmation.

"I like the name Blackie."

"We promise." Ueno finished for both of them.

"On the assumption that you'll keep your promise, I'll allow it." Satou-san shook his head. "I swear, that floor is becoming a home for the wayward, and now an animal shelter. Ueno, I'm assuming you'll want an apartment of your own soon."

"No, sir. I have my own place."

"Like you ever stay there." Satou-san chuckled. "I have one more question before you two are dismissed for the night."

Ueno waited. "Yes, sir?"

"You do have a family, don't you?"

Ueno cocked his head. "Of course I do."

"Well, you've met ours. When do we get to meet yours?"

Ueno's gulp was audible and it was Aki's turn to squeeze a hand in comfort. "I'll work on that. We'd better get going."

"See you later, kids." Uncle smiled. "And it was very nice to meet you, Ueno."

Suddenly, they weren't able to exit quickly enough, and Ueno gripped Aki's hand tightly enough to hurt as they weaved their way through obstacles and out the door.

He inhaled deeply as they stood outside.

"Where to?" Aki inquired, looking to Ueno for direction.

"I guess we can just start walking. Let's go this way." He turned to the right, and Aki followed.

"Where do you want me to start?" Aki asked, to the point.

"I don't know, really. When did all of this start?"

"My relationship with him?" Aki bit his lip. "I first noticed something wasn't right when I was around nine, I think, but he didn't try anything until after I'd turned twelve."

"Twelve? So you had a normal relationship with him up until then?"

"Fairly normal. I don't have many clear memories of him from when I was little, but I was four when he started coming around the house, according to my dad." Aki frowned. "That was when they first met."

"They didn't grow up together?"

"Nope. Half-brothers. Different dads."

Ueno nodded. "Okay."

"My dad lived with his grandparents growing up. It was easier that way. My grandmother remarried after my grandfather passed away. They didn't meet until after I was born, after my grandmother passed too. My uncle was pretty young- nineteen- and still in school. Anyway, they got along right away. My dad invited him to parties, birthdays, dinners, everything. All of a sudden, I had this new uncle, and he was younger, so he always took me out to do things that were more fun than what my parents would plan."

"Sounds like you liked being with him."

"I did. He spoiled me rotten. My parents loved to buy me things, but my uncle would take the time and just do stuff with me; take me to parks, on walks, rides, and go shopping with me. Sometimes he'd come over just to help me with my homework. I don't remember a single time he came over without a present. He hung out with my sisters too, but he spent the most time with me. I thought he was pretty cool."

They stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light. Ueno didn't pay any mind to the automobile traffic or congestion of pedestrians; he kept a tight hold on Aki's fingers. "So how did that all change?"

"He picked me up for a weekend visit when my parents left town, and I stayed at his apartment while my sisters stayed with an aunt. I was supposed to go with them, but he'd specifically asked my parents if he could take me for the weekend. Said he was going to take me around with him. My dad loved that." Aki tilted his head upward, connecting with his memory. "You know, as far as I can remember, he didn't try anything funny that weekend. It was just the way he looked at me sometimes, and some of the questions he'd ask me. I was nine then, like I said."

The light changed, and the two of them walked on.

"He didn't try anything weird right away. If anything, he was overly affectionate at times, but I liked him, and it didn't bother me. But when we were alone, the hugs took a little longer, and the way he would stare sometimes when he didn't think I was looking was weird. I don't remember the stares being lustful, either. It was more like he was afraid of me. And he'd ask me all kinds of questions I didn't understand."

"Like what?" Ueno stared straight ahead, bothered but unable to shake his curiosity.

"Conversations were always normal at first. Like, did I like any girls in my classes? If I did, then how did looking at them make me feel? Did my body feel funny? Did I ever look at boys?"

"Hmm." Ueno had no response otherwise.

"I don't get what he saw in me, really. I was just some gangly, awkward child." Aki shrugged. "He's good looking, and he was popular enough, I guess. He got along with everyone, and he always had girlfriends. I never saw it coming. I'd never seen him with another guy, never caught him watching porn, nothing stereotypical that you'd expect from someone who was attracted to a boy. But I learned that not everyone fits a mold, textbook description or stereotype, and I'm no psychologist anyway."

"How did it start?"

"Another weekend visit." Aki pointed. "Want to go this way?"

"Sure." Ueno agreed readily.

"He'd stayed at the house a few days, and my parents had gone out with friends, or something like that. They were only gone a few hours. I'd been going to bed alone for years, so him tucking me in was strange."

"Let's sit down." Ueno gestured to a playground, long abandoned.

"Where? There's nowhere to sit."

"Well, there aren't any seats, but we can still sit down. Come on, live a little. The ground won't hurt you." Ueno tugged Aki forward, flopped down on one end of a sandbox, and waited for Aki to follow his lead. "Go on."

"I don't remember what time I fell asleep, but it didn't feel like it had been long. Woke up at some point, and he was still in the room with me, in the same spot he'd been when I closed my eyes. Sitting on the edge of the bed. Light was still on. I sat up and asked him what was the matter."

Aki squirmed, finding a more comfortable position. "He told me nothing was wrong. Put his hand on my thigh and just left it there, but didn't feel me up, exactly."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I knew something was off, but if it was him doing it, it couldn't have been bad. When I didn't react, he left the room and I went back to sleep. That was it."

Ueno was glad he'd barely eaten; he didn't think food would have stayed put. "Was he testing you or something? How long did it last?"

"A few months, maybe. And I think you're right. He wanted to know whether or not I'd mention anything to my mom and dad. If I'd told on him, he could have said that I'd misread it."

"Yeah."

Aki chuckled, surprisingly. "Am I textbook or what?"

"Never, no matter how hard you try." Ueno managed a weak smile.

"By the time he kissed me the first time, I didn't care anymore. The first time we had sex, all I remember thinking was, where did my cool uncle go? But I don't remember stressing over it."

Ueno reached out, and Aki responded slowly, lacing their fingers together and waiting.

"No force?"

"The first few times, yes. But if you try to fight someone stronger than you, someone who eventually wins regardless, and you just make the situation worse for yourself."

"Why didn't you-"

"I don't know." Aki shook his head, understanding immediately. "They knew something was up. Every chance they got, they were pulling me aside, asking me how my day was, asking if I had anything I wanted to share with them, if I was having trouble at school. Does it sound strange for me to say that I wanted them to figure it out themselves?"

Ueno stared off into the distance for a moment, composing his words carefully."Who'd want to be responsible for breaking up their family? Well, you wouldn't have been responsible, but you'd have been the bearer of the news. It makes sense."

"I didn't blame anyone for what happened, but I was mad at my dad for not finding out on his own. I know it's not fair. If I'd told him myself, he would have believed me."

"Were you scared of him?"

"My uncle? No, not physically. If I didn't fuss, it ended quickly- real quick- and he'd leave me alone for a while. It was like something would build up in him, because usually when it happened he'd be really agitated beforehand, and then once we slept together, all the tension was gone. And I really think afterward, he'd be ashamed of himself because he'd go out of his way to keep his distance. One I didn't see him for a good three months. It was the best quarter of my life."

"So, if you were twelve, this has been going on for eight years?"

"On and off. The older I got, the more I was able to avoid him and the less frequently it happened. I'd stay elsewhere if my parents were gone, and if I knew he was at the house, I'd take my time coming home or make up an excuse to be out. And once I started seeing Mira and things got serious, I was spending a lot of time out with him, or at his house. After Mira found out what was going on, he insisted on it. Sometimes things didn't work out, but a lot of the time they did. Eventually, it didn't matter."

"How do you figure that?"

"People have sex all of the time without caring about each other." Aki smiled shakily. "We didn't care about each other when we first met, obviously, and look how that afternoon turned out. You can hate the person you're with. If he caught up with me and we had to, I did it. I can't even say I hated it. Turn your brain off, and you can enjoy it, believe me."

Ueno understood intellectually, and waited for Aki to continue.

"Anyway, after I moved in with him, we slept together even less. The more random people he brought to the apartment, the less we did together. The best times were when he left on business trips, because he wasn't around to mess with me, and he never sent anyone to the apartment when he was out of town. I looked forward to those trips sometimes; it was a vacation for me."

What a vacation.

"And you know most of the rest. One night my parents left for the evening. We were old enough to be alone, but he'd come by to say hello, he said. One thing led to another, and my sister found us together in bed. He was normally more cautious than that. He'd gotten bold, so that time I actually did put up a fight; my sister was home. Like I said though; fighting is useless. For some reason or another, she'd gotten out of bed, probably heard us fussing or something."

Ueno held out his arms in silent invitation. When Aki gazed at him quizzically, he patted his thighs.

"I'm fine, really. I'm not going to fall apart or have a breakdown or anything."

"I'd feel better." He wasn't kidding, either.

That brought a genuine smile, and Aki awkwardly turned and scooted backward until he was seated between Ueno's thighs.

Aki continued, determined now that he'd approached the end to finish and purge his system. "To say she was upset would be… a mild way of putting it. She was screaming, throwing whatever she could get her hands on, and I ended up on the floor, somehow. It's a little embarrassing now, but I remember jumping on top of them, completely naked, and dragging her off of him."

"Hmm?"

"She's not much bigger than a flea, so I don't know how she got him on the floor, but he was flat on his back, and she was sitting on his chest. The sheets and covers were all over the place, and I saw her grab for a pillow and try to smother him. She had blood on her hands and under her nails. I think she actually tried to tear out his throat with her bare hands, because he had dozens of scratches on his neck, and on his arms."

Well. The meaning of the term crazy varied from person to person, but crazy or not, Ueno current opinion of her was favorable.

"I got her off of him before he could hurt her. I think he was humoring her for the most part anyway, since he could have overpowered her without even trying. She ended up running out of the house upset, and I still don't know where she went. She didn't show back up until well after my parents came in. I'd had time to clean up and think, calm down. By then, he'd left too. He knew I'd try to handle it."

"And what happened after that?"

"Well, once I was alone, I panicked a little. It was a horrible idea, but I called Mira; he was the only person I knew who had a chance of calming me down. And of course, he was happy. I guess he figured that since my sister had found out, the whole thing was over. After that, I prepared." The temperature in steady decline, he'd begun shivering without realizing it. "My parents came in, and I kept my mouth shut. I acted like nothing was out of the ordinary, that I didn't know where Fumi was, that she must have stepped out while I was in my room. That worried my parents right away- that normally means something with her. She would slip out and stay gone for a night, or even a few days. I know it's not a good thing, but it worked in my favor."

Ueno dropped his chin to Aki's shoulder and waited.

"When she got home, she was usually coming down from something or other. I don't know how my parents dealt with it, because they always did it in private. That was one thing my dad wasn't able to write off or credit to her being young and rebellious, which is what he usually tried to do with all of us. Long story short, she came home and right away, she told my parents what happened. She didn't have an intro or delicate way to begin. She came in, and it was obvious she was influenced somehow. I think my mom was in the kitchen, so it was just me and my dad. He took one look at her and then told me to leave. Said for me to go to my room, and to stay put until he called me."

Ueno nuzzled his cheek during Aki's brief pause.

"I got it. I wasn't stupid, and it's not as if I'm a stranger to that stuff. I'd tried things before, but none of it stuck. Didn't become habits. I went to my room like he said. I sat up there for a couple of hours, until I heard him yelling for me. When I came out, everyone was waiting for me. My dad, mom, my sister and my uncle were all downstairs. When she told my parents what had happened, I guess they called him, and he came right back over."

When wondering just what made Aki the way he was, of what he'd endured in the past, he hadn't expected a pleasant conversation. Still, he was amazed at how calmly he sat there, fielding Aki's admissions.

"My uncle was a mess; he looked terrible. He pulled off his dazed act well, as if her accusations had him floored. But my dad didn't need much convincing, especially when my uncle stared my sister down and said her eyes looked a little funny, asked her if she was on anything. When she found us, I'm sure she wasn't, but she definitely was when she came home. Even so, she remembered everything perfectly. I jumped in, and told my parents that she had been acting funny after they left. I didn't make any excuses as to how she found us; I said she hadn't-period- and that I had no clue how she'd come up with that."

Ueno felt the deep inhale against his chest, sensing Aki was gearing himself up.

"Then I suggested that they do something for her, that I didn't know much about what she'd been taking, and asked if hallucinations or paranoia might be a result. I didn't lie about her drug use, but I exploited it. Anyway, she figured out that against us two, she didn't have a chance of convincing anyone. No one was willing to entertain the idea that she might be right. Went all quiet for a couple of days. The drugs were an ongoing thing, but she promised if my parents didn't check her in that she'd beat her habits on her own, and it looked like it was working. But after that, I stopped existing to her and the house was so tense, more than usual."

Talk about guilt. Ueno had absolutely nothing to contribute at this point. How could someone live from day to day so calmly after those experiences? If Aki blew his top at some point, Ueno couldn't have blamed him.

"And by then, I was in over my head in every way. I didn't have control over anything, and it was like something was attached to me, not hurting me, but very slowly sucking everything out of me. And then there was Mira. I liked him a lot, and we'd been.. together for a little while by then." Aki moved, as if his intention was to look backward, but halted before eye contact had been made. "But it was hard being with him."

"You can talk to me about Mira." Ueno shook him.

"I know Mira seems very obnoxious and hard to handle sometimes, but he has other sides to him that he doesn't let just anyone see unless you've earned his trust. I was wrong to treat him that way."

"How did you treat him?"

"I cared about him. He was almost a member of our family. But before, I hadn't trusted him enough to confide in him about what happened any more than I did my blood relatives. I was spending a lot of time at his house, and until recently, I know he assumed it was because I had some sort of special interest in him, but that wasn't it. At the time, I had no interest- in anyone. All I wanted was some relief, and I got it with him. I don't mean sexually, at least not then. Anyway, we were together more and more when all of a sudden, it was as if some switch got flipped, and he started pulling away."

"I tried to call you earlier." Aki entered the bedroom cautiously.

Mira jumped. "Oh, did you? I must not have had my phone with me."

"I see." Aki's gaze flickered toward Mira's small desk, situated against a wall, underneath an open window. Mira's phone fairly flickered like a beacon from its location on the desk surface. Mira was at times mysterious, but rarely told blatant falsehoods. Had he been too needy of recent? Had Mira decided he needed a break?

He stood there, at a loss. Aki was selfish, no doubt; he'd been overcome with a bout of cabin fever with nowhere to go that he deemed suitable. With Mira missing in action, he'd wandered the sidewalks for over an hour, just to get away from that house and more importantly, the people in it.

Mira was normally so accommodating, so willing to give Aki anything he needed without suspicion or question, that the fib physically pained him.

Desperation warred with the need to save face. Looking like an idiot wasn't desirable, but the last month had been hell on his nerves and peace of mind, to the point where he almost didn't care.

"Sorry." Mira remained perched on the edge of his bed, hands clasped, thumbs rotating restlessly, frantically. "I guess you noticed my phone."

When Aki declined to respond, Mira sighed. "I have a lot going on."

Aki nodded, doubtful. "Yeah." His eyes trained to a corner, he willed the burning beneath his eyelids to stop, please stop, as he was mere moments away from a humiliating show of emotion.

He wasn't wanted and the realization was debilitating, but he couldn't leave. Try as he might, his legs wouldn't follow his brain while he struggled with indecision.

Aki didn't want to think; he needed a distraction, to forget. He needed someone who wouldn't ask questions, wouldn't stare at him with worry. His parents meant well, as always, but their attention, specifically, was undesired and more than a little infuriating.

It didn't matter anyway; he couldn't go home, but he had to go somewhere. Slowly, his body responded to his commands and he took the backward step necessary to back up through the doorway. Giving Mira one last look before he turned, he stopped in his tracks.

The man didn't look merely uncomfortable; he was very clearly miserable.

Concern momentarily came to the forefront. "Mira. Did something happen? Are you okay?"

Elbows balanced on his knees and head bent forward, Mira massaged at his temples before looking up.

Aki involuntarily took another step back, mystified. "What's wrong?"

"Mom and dad downstairs?"

"Yeah, in the living room."

"Close the door anyway, will you?"

Aki stood immobile for a moment before reentering the bedroom and gently pulling the door shut behind him.

Mira glanced off to the side, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry. I've had a lot on my mind over the last few weeks."

"I understand." Aki replied automatically, without the slightest comprehension. He approached the bed, situating himself on the edge. "Like what?"

Mira turned to face him. "I've been avoiding you."

"Well, that much was obvious." Aki smiled slightly. "Did I do something?"

"Not really."

That made no sense, unless something else, something serious, was affecting him. "If I haven't done anything to upset you, then why don't you want to see me?"

"I never said that I didn't want to see you." Mira threw his hands up, and Aki stared, confused. "You want to grab some dinner? I haven't eaten at all today."

"I'm not hungry." Aki chewed at his lower lip. "You're stressing me out, Mira. What are you trying to tell me?" He dropped a hand to Mira's knee in an unconscious action, not that it would have been out of the ordinary.

Mira roughly shoved his hand aside. "Don't."

Aki pulled the rejected appendage back into his own lap, stunned. His legs were shaky as he pushed himself to his feet, but he managed. "I'll see you." Being able to rely on Mira for an escape had been wonderful while it had lasted, but he'd heard the saying that all good things came to an eventual end, and it appeared that this was it.

He made it to the door without incident, grasping and turning the handle.

"Stop."

Aki did, but didn't turn around. He'd listen to whatever stupid thing Mira had to stay, and then make a run for it. There was a park nearby and though it was chilly out, Aki would make do. He'd be able to think there, get himself together before he went home for the night.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

There was a pregnant pause, during which Aki felt the beginning of frustration flare up and he flung open the door, prepared to stomp his way across the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door.

"Wait."

Aki took a deep breath. "If I was bothering you, all you had to do was tell me."

"You never bother me, Aki. Please, come back in."

Aki obeyed. "You're confusing me, Mira. I'm supposed to believe I'm not bothering you when you've obviously been ignoring me? You never had a problem speaking your mind before, so why now?"

"Sit down."

Aki sat, in the desk chair this time, wisely keeping his distance. He waited quietly, irritation mounting while Mira appeared to be getting his head together.

"I don't know how to say it."

"How about opening your mouth and forcing a few words out? The less cryptic, the better. Why are you avoiding me? You don't want to be around me anymore? Have I been here too much? Am I bothering you?"

"Stop it!" Mira raked a hand through his already unkempt hair. "No, no, and no! It's too hard being with you."

"What? Why? What have I-"

Mira hung his head. "Because I want to be with you, you idiot. Is that hard to understand? Was that too cryptic for you?"

Aki shook his head. "But, why? I never even knew that y-you- and why me?"

"Like I can control it." Mira slumped over the edge of the bed in defeat. "You're a bratty, spoiled head case. You borrow my books and never return them. You scrap your chopsticks against your teeth when you eat. As if I'd ask to like you."

Aki had to agree, and Mira only knew half of it.

"So, yeah." The darker-haired man sat up straight, gaze focused on the bedroom door, his breathing shallow. "It's been easier for me when you're not around. I should have known it wouldn't be long before you noticed, strutted in here, and got in my face. You're an annoying, pushy little fuck; you know that?"

"I do." Aki fiddled with the cuff of his jacket. "But what else was I supposed to do? You drop off the face of the earth and I'm not supposed to notice or be affected by it?"

"I was trying," Mira huffed, eyebrows furrowing in consternation, "to do us both a favor. If you'd have left me alone long enough, I could have gotten over this on my own- eventually. And then you wouldn't have to know that someone you have no interest in has feelings for you."

"Why does that have to be bad?" Aki inquired, head reeling. He hadn't expected this.

"Now everything is going to be completely awkward and tense. This is why I didn't want to see you. You ever been into a best friend before?"

Of course not. For one, Mira was his first and only best friend, the only human being he'd trust with his life. For another, Aki was a healthy man who had experienced lust and crushes in his lifetime, but hadn't yet experienced the dubious pleasure of falling in love.

"I can't say that I have." Aki spoke after a pause. He pushed himself out of the swivel chair and hesitantly approached the bed, staring down at his friend. "But that doesn't mean you have to go into hiding."

Aki understood Mira's viewpoint regardless of his lack of experience in the department; he didn't have it easy. He was even able to rationalize Mira's need to put some distance between the two of them.

But it was obvious Mira could not understand Aki's position; he stood to lose the only solace he'd been lucky enough to obtain. Aki was willing to do anything necessary to avoid the disappearance of his one and only comfort.

Anything. Aki seated himself next to Mira once more.

Maybe Mira would ask before shoving his hand down the front of Aki's jeans, before entering him. Aki wondered if Mira's gentle touch would cancel out the bruising force of another. Aki could still come to visit, find a quiet place to think, gentle conversation and a safe haven to sleep.

The exchange just might be tolerable.

Aki reached out again, curling his palm over Mira's kneecap. He felt the older man stiffen, but he kept his hand in place, waiting until Mira hesitantly covered it with his own.

He scooted over, until their thighs touched.

"It's okay, Mira." He gazed at their hands, at the knee quivering beneath them, his decision then and there becoming final. Mira didn't appear able to act, so Aki clasped Mira's hand between both of his, tugging it into his own lap, gently squeezing while inching closer, until they were in direct, firm contact.

"You better not be doing this because you feel sorry for me," Mira bit out harshly, "because if you are-"

"I'm not." Aki provided, moving a hand to Mira's thigh. "I promise."

Mira jerked, as if he'd been stuck with a cattle prod, but quickly recovered. "I guess now I'm supposed to say something sarcastic to lighten the mood."

Aki flexed his hand in kneading motion, hoping it inspired the comfort he'd intended. "That would be a typical Mira response, wouldn't it? Do you have anything funny to say?"

"I don't know what to say, period." His leg jumped under Aki's fingers. "Move your hand, please. I can't think straight with you doing that."

"What's the advantage to thinking straight right now?" His fingers crept higher. "Do you really feel like thinking?"

"What, you think that since I told you how I feel, that the next logical move is to just go at it?" Mira shot to his feet. "How did a confession of affection turn to let's screw?"

"I'm sorry. I'm not quite sure what to do." Aki folded his hands, feeling incredibly awkward. "What do you want to do? Talk?"

Mira heaved a sigh. "Not really. Give my brain a chance to recover before we have any deep conversations, okay? Let's start off light, go out for dinner or something. Like I said, I haven't eaten today."

Aki remained calm down the stairs, past his parents and their muted argument about the amount of money Mira's mother spent on new cookware, and out the back entrance.

Once the door had been closed and locked behind them, Aki turned to Mira, mouth crooked in amusement. "Pots and pans? They fight about everything now."

"Tell me about it." Mira waved a hand, bidding his parents a silent farewell. "He says that getting a job would put her head on straight. He thinks she needs to appreciate the money she spends. And I heard him telling her that if she spends all day at work, she'll be too tired to shop. Win-win, right?"

Aki shrugged. "Sure, but what will my mom do without her shopping companion?"

"Good question." For the first time since Aki had arrived, Mira flashed a genuine smile. "Our families are kind of screwy, huh?"

Crazier than cat shit. You have no idea. There went that smile, and relief prompted Aki to return it.

He let out a squeak next, as his back was abruptly smashed against the cold siding of the house, his front smashed against warmth, his mouth smashed against another.

Still, as sudden and impulsive as the kiss was, Aki was more alarmed when Mira almost immediately pulled back.

"Uh, yeah. We're going to try that again later." He dragged Aki by the wrist down the walkway. "Let's eat."

Ueno scooted back a bit and raising his hands to Aki's shoulders, began a gentle kneading that solicited a small sigh.

"I didn't know what to do, because I didn't think I wanted anyone's attention that way ever again. But I was curious too. I wondered how differently it would feel with someone closer to my age, who obviously cared the right way, and wouldn't force me into anything. And even though I was scared to death- imagine that- I very slowly let it happen. I'm sure Mira thought I was just innocent, but it took a lot out of me to tolerate anything from him at first, even just a kiss. I got used to it, though, and at that point, things got serious fast. I needed him. If didn't have him, I thought I'd lose it."

Ueno continued his massage, respectfully silent. So Aki slept with one man because he felt he had no choice, and the second so as not to lose the friendship that provided relief when he was distressed from sleeping with the first. Even his first encounter with Ueno hadn't been born of choice.

Good Grief. Aki had never been with anyone simply because he wanted to be.

The floodgates had been opened, and Aki was giving Ueno exactly what he'd asked for; complete honestly and the opportunity to know him as intimately as possible. As Ueno listened, however, he continued to experience the same paralyzing thoughts; that Aki needed a whole lot of fixing, and no matter how much Ueno loved him, this wasn't a job he was qualified to undertake.