Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

The Long Way Home: Chapter 27

Apprehensive in undertaking a seemingly Herculean task, Ueno sat quietly until his fear lessened to a level where his standard determination once again came to the forefront. "Go on."

"I can't remember how many times I left in the middle of the night and ran to his house. No matter how late, he was always there to let me in, let me rest somewhere quiet, even though I never gave him a reason for why I came, why I was calling him at three in the morning. So, like I said, even though Mira can be a pain, he can be very caring- a lot like you. He can be so gentle and sweet. But he has a temper too; he's just not likely to lose it over someone who doesn't matter. When I finally broke down one night and told him about my uncle, I learned that. And about the same time, I think my uncle figured out for sure that I was with Mira, too."

"You think Mira told him?"

"No. Mira lost any respect he had for my uncle, and the change was very obvious to everyone in the family. He had no other outlet, since I made him swear to keep his mouth shut about everything. My uncle picked up on it, I bet. When he mentioned it, I tried to play dumb, but he didn't buy it for a second. I think he had some sort of proof. My family knew how much time I spent with Mira, and I'm sure my dad mentioned it more than once. He must have drawn his own conclusions from there."

Ueno's sympathy temporarily shifted to Satou-san. The poor man loved his son to pieces-more than Aki seemed to recognize- but unknowingly worsened the situation.

"On top of that, my parents had been talking to him about me and how my sister was doing, and he said it might be easier for her to recover if we were separated for a while. And of course, my uncle had the perfect suggestion. I would have picked another relative or found some kind of alternate plan, but my uncle had my dad sold, and he liked the idea."

"Aki. Your father and I would like to see you in the living room, please." The voice sounded from the other side of his bedroom door.

Aki was at home, for once. He'd holed himself up in his bedroom all afternoon and most of the evening. He'd been hopeful that the silence would last until bedtime, when he would take a shower, extinguish the lights, and sleep away the night, expediting his morning escape.

Uncle Hide had arrived about an hour ago; Aki had seen his car pull up, been called down to greet him, and made quick excuse to return to his room. He hadn't expected anything out of the ordinary; since their showdown months ago, life had been stressful, but uneventful.

On the other hand, his uncle hadn't touched him since then, so perhaps his time of peace was over.

Aki threw his notebook aside and stood up slowly, taking his time in following his mother's order.

Regardless of his stroll, the walk to his family was much too quick. He stopped in the entryway, taking in trio before him.

They looked like they were posing for a family picture; his mother sat in the middle, skirt arranged just-so, a man on either side of her. His uncle was attired as he was normally. He wore jeans that fit him like a second skin, the dark-washed denim showcasing his slender frame, along with a black long-sleeved turtleneck. His leather jacket was missing, most likely hung up by the front entrance. His dark, impossibly shiny hair was arranged to resemble disorder, though each unruly lock of hair had been strategically placed with gel to ensure that it stayed there.

His father had returned home from work not long before, and hadn't yet managed to slide out of his business attire. He sat to the right of Aki's mother, hands cupped over his knees, mouth set in a straight line, which was never good.

What have I done now? Aki had to wonder. He'd been a good boy these days; he tried his hardest to attract as little attention is humanly possible. What was this about?

"Evening, son."

"Hi, dad." Aki returned, seating himself alone on the couch opposite his elders. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing." His father shook his head. "Your mother and I were just discussing how your sister has been doing here at home."

"And while we have to admit that she's been trying very hard to make the right choices, there are some stressors that are causing some problems. Since we've promised not to check her into a facility at this point, our next step is to make sure that she's able to continue her recovery, minus any factors that cause her distress." His mother was apparently choosing her words very carefully, but couldn't disguise true intent, only soften the blow.

Aki grew nauseous. "Minus me."

Uncle Hide took his turn. "Aki, we think that separating the two of you-at least temporarily- will be beneficial for you both, not just your sister. Her hallucinations were a very serious side effect, and although she's making a commendable effort to recover on her own, she still believes those sights to be true. That means she still harbors animosity towards both you and myself. If she doesn't have to focus on those thoughts each day, her recovery might go more smoothly. Don't you want that?"

"While it pains us to even consider the idea of removing you or your uncle from the picture, we believe it's best, at least for a short period of time." That was his mother speaking.

"R-remove?" Aki clutched a pillow in his pale fingers, squeezing occasionally. "You want me to leave?"

"We don't want you to leave. This is a decision we've arrived at based on what's beneficial for Fumi's recovery. And the move wouldn't be permanent; just until she's more stable and we're able to discuss what's happened more logically."

Aki was aware that all three adults had lapsed into silence, no doubt waiting for Aki to process their proposal and react. His initial thoughts were in regards to where he would have to stay from that point, and how quickly he'd have to leave. Did they expect him to rent an apartment, or stay with family? Would he have a say in who he moved in with? Would they still support him, or would he have to find a job?

"Aki?" His mother abandoned her seat and rushed to his side. "I know what this looks like. But your Uncle Hide has already offered to share his apartment with you. He has plenty of space."

"But what about Mira? W-why can't I-"

"We can't impose on any other family members, son. The less of them that know about this, the better, and since your Uncle Hide was involved and is aware of the problem, it makes the most sense for you to stay with him."

But his parents had believed him; why was he being punished?

He spared a glance at his beloved uncle, incensed at the sympathetic smile that curved his lips. He supposed that because his parents did in fact believe him over his sister-erroneously- that this must be a punishment from a higher source for deceiving them.

"Aki?" His mother wrapped her arms around him, urging his head to her shoulder and for once, Aki didn't fight it. He'd since dropped the pillow, and his hands rested lifelessly in his lap, head drooping, his face pressed to his mother's neck.

Her voice was thick with tears and she murmured words of endearment, but they fell on deaf ears. He took no comfort from her, though he supposed the action was probably therapeutic- for her.

He set his muscles into motion, shrugging free of his mother's embrace and sitting up straight. "When?"

"Well," his father cleared his throat, "we figured you could take your time packing, and leave when you're ready. Besides, we would like to spend some more time with you before you go. We know this isn't easy."

"Give me an hour."

"An hour?" His father repeated, quietly. "You don't have any questions? We certainly didn't expect you to leave tonight."

"What good will it do to ask questions? You've all made up your minds without any input from me. I wouldn't want to hold back her progress any longer than I already have."

Uncle Hide spoke to Aki's father. "I can wait until he's ready. I'm sure I can get him calmed down later. You can call him then."

Aki, ignoring his mother's tears, his father's obvious guilt, and his uncle's barely concealed smugness, jogged back to his bedroom. He threw open his closet and stuffed every bit of clothing that would fit into his luggage.

It was funny; he had no clue what to expect, living under the same roof as his uncle permanently, but he wasn't looking forward to it. At the same time, he'd rather live with Uncle Hide than with parents who'd make a decision like this without his opinion, who would unwittingly send him to live with the very man who had helped Aki cause this turmoil.

He should have used some of the time he spent in his room placing a call to Mira, but he didn't think it wise. At this point, he didn't have the mental strength to field Mira's anger or explain the situation to him. As an afterthought, though, he tapped out a message both simple and cryptic, sure to send his lover into hysterics and powered off his phone immediately after.

His anger flared to such a degree that he didn't take any time to survey and pick through any personal belongings; all he stuffed into his luggage other than his clothing and toiletries was his phone.

That done, Aki wasted no time; he hauled his belongings to the front door and waited until his uncle had hugged his father and kissed his mother. He overheard Uncle Hide promising to keep them posted, and then he was escorted out the front door and into the passenger seat. His parents didn't try to force Aki's acknowledgement, didn't stand outside to see them off, and that was fine with him. If they showed any compassion at this point, Aki would have a more difficult time holding onto his anger.

"I didn't have any choice unless I wanted to make a run for it. My dad didn't want me living on my own then, didn't want me living with Mira's family, or any of our own family. I didn't put up a fight. I wasn't happy with the development but I agreed, and hated him for it."

"Hated who? Your uncle?"

"My dad."

"What about your mom?"

"No." Aki froze in Ueno's arms.

"How come?"

"I don't know." Ueno heard trace evidence of bewilderment. "Huh."

"Your mom was for it too, so why not?"

"I don't know." Aki repeated himself. "Maybe I expected too much from him. I waited for him to figure out that we'd both lied to him, for him to fix everything. I guess denial doesn't help, but I expected him to see past it, I think."

Ueno tightened his arms and while Aki lapsed into silence, wrestling with his confusion. Ueno was reminded of the first time they'd had it out in public. When Aki had admitted he was screwed up, he'd really meant it.

"Huh." Aki said again, not in the form of a question.

"Yeah?"

"I never thought about that before. About being angrier at him than anyone else."

Ueno locked his fingers together against Aki's middle. "So what happened after that?"

"I moved. Mira was mad at me, my sister wasn't speaking to me, my parents were tense, and I shut down. Didn't take much with me, except for some clothes, which I didn't end up keeping once I got settled in. When Mira and I had our talk and cleared the air, he told me what happened with her then, since my parents didn't say. I knew that my sister had disappeared again, but had no idea why, for how long, or exactly when she'd left until last weekend. Why my parents didn't tell me, I have no clue. She was gone for months. Of course, when I talked to them on the phone, I never asked about her, and they never offered the information, so I didn't find out until I came home for my dad's birthday. At first, I'd thought that maybe she'd been off with a friend or something, but then I wondered why she'd be gone on dad's birthday. When I mentioned that, my mom told me that she wasn't home right now. As if I couldn't tell."

Aki scooted forward slightly before turning. "I thought I'd feel better once I told you." He made to stand. "I want to go."

Aki hadn't said that he intended to go home alone, but his tone inspired Ueno to ask. "By yourself? Nuh uh." Aki kneeled, facing him, and he quickly reached forward, grabbing both slender wrists. "Of course you don't feel good about it right now."

Aki wasn't listening any longer. "I knew she wasn't home. That's why I asked; I wanted to know what right now meant. Did it mean for a few days, a month, what? And if she'd been gone for so long, why didn't they tell me, or take me back? Sometimes I thought about coming clean, but when I think about the fact that they didn't want me home anyway, I didn't see the point. I'd screwed up so bad, and they had already sent me away. I figured if they hated me it couldn't make matters any worse too, but I couldn't bring myself to do it."

It took very little effort to urge Aki back onto the sand. "I don't know. But your parents didn't understand what you were going through, so I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you. They love you to death; any idiot can see that." Ueno also figured they loved him enough to deal with whatever trials came with Aki's confession, but he kept that thought to himself for the time being. .

Aki looked past him. "Anyway, I think you know the rest."

"Yeah." Ueno nodded. "I think you've been through enough tonight. Never heard you talk so much." Ueno wasn't complaining; Aki no doubt had desperately needed to vent, whether he realized it or not.

"I'd say so. Besides, I'm disgusting when I cry and I've managed to avoid it, but I don't know for how much longer."

"I can't imagine that. I'm sure you're a cute crier." Maybe you should. Tears were normal. Freaking out was normal. Even crazy behavior was to be expected; some sort of lashing out or deviation of personality wouldn't be considered out of the ordinary.

Aki smiled weakly. "In a nutshell, I just told you that I slept with my uncle, pretended to love my best friend, turned my back on my sister, and lied to my entire family. Instead of making a decision, you're teasing me?"

"What decision am I supposed to be making?"

"You can't tell me that this doesn't bother you at all. Whether or not you st-"

"I don't see what decision there is for me to make. You don't listen. And what if I said this didn't bug me?" Beyond bothered, and with more than a few questions he deemed stupid at the tip of his tongue, he wisely kept his talk light.

"I wouldn't believe you."

"Of course not. I don't think I'd be human if it didn't bother me."

"And it should. If I were in your place, I'd be pretty disgusted myself."

"I didn't say I was disgusted. I'm not sure what word I'm trying to use since I'm still processing everything, but disgusted isn't it."

"What are you thinking, then?"

Ueno spoke carefully, all too aware that Aki would hang onto every word and use any opportunity to take them as a negative. "That when you told me you had problems, I expected something less serious. I figured you had to be exaggerating." Ueno pulled the fairer in, joining him at the forehead. "I've told you before that I feel like a little kid compared to you, and it worries me that I don't completely understand your life. I guess most people would say that we're not very well matched, huh?"

"I guess." Aki swallowed. "That's true."

"Yeah. But I love you. I can't help it."

"But you did say you it hasn't sunk in yet."

"You had my reaction figured out, didn't you? You don't just expect me to be disgusted by you; you want me to be. I guess I am a little disgusted by everything you told me, but not the way you probably think, and never by you."

Aki averted his eyes.

"By the way, when I first went to that apartment and saw you on the floor all tied up, I never assumed that you were normal. The handcuffs and that gag kind of clued me in, so even though you've surprised me today, you shouldn't assume that I ever thought you were saintly. I knew you had to have some sort of crazy story."

Aki had no idea how to reply. Ueno's words rang true, and he felt silly for not recognizing his boyfriend's logic sooner.

"And," Ueno continued, "maybe you didn't escape completely unharmed, but at least you got past it. I feel bad for you, but I'm proud of you too."

Aki, startled, turned back to Ueno. "Proud? Who knows where I would have been if he hadn't kicked me out?"

"There's no point in thinking about that now, right? You know what else?" Ueno wrote the question off as rhetorical, plunging his fingers into the ground and then flinging a handful of sand into Aki's lap. "I'm hanging out with my boyfriend, who I barely met five weeks ago and slept with within five minutes of meeting. We're discussing his past of sexual slavery with his uncle while sitting in a sandbox at a playground, and I love him-a whole lot. Can you really call me normal now?"

Aki found himself clinging to his old way of thinking though Ueno was making a great deal of sense. "If you hadn't met me, you'd still be normal. You still are, compared to me."

"I know this must have been hard for you, but you've been honest with me, so now I'll risk sounding corny and be honest with you."

Ueno took his time before continuing, arranging Aki comfortably against him.

"If we hadn't met that day and things hadn't turned out the way they did, maybe our paths would never have crossed in another way. Or maybe they would have, but we never would have recognized each other. I don't like that idea at all, though. Maybe you'd never have left him, never enrolled in school, and we'd never have run into each other there. I didn't know what I was signing up for; your flaky parents, your perverted uncle, a pain in the ass ex-boyfriend-or whatever you wanna call him- or your nosy relatives. But I'm glad we did. If we'd never met, I'd never have known what I was missing. If being normal means that I can't have you, then screw normal, okay?" It didn't matter how embarrassing his words were, or how naked voicing them made him feel. "I know you've got a lot on your mind, but quit it with the normal life crap; I think we've established that we'll never be that. We can deal with this."

Ueno pulled Aki in until they were nose to nose. "So instead, tell me what I can do."

"Do?"

"To help."

There was something odd, even to Aki, about straddling another person's lap in the middle of a sandbox. His nerves were frayed and raw in response to the day's events, he felt moments from falling apart at the seams, and he wanted to be held until his panic faded.

Aki spoke his name, but was unable to continue. He sagged, nuzzling his forehead into Ueno's shoulder. He was playing a dramatic role but wasn't dishonest in the slightest. In the aftermath of intense stress, his muscles were starting to bunch and constrict and he knew a headache wasn't far behind. "Take me home."

Hands grabbed at his waist, then slid around to join behind his back. "I have an idea."

"Hmm?" Aki closed his eyes.

"Want to stay at my place for a couple of days? We'll bring your homework and the kitty." He pressed a lingering kiss to Aki's hair.

"Yes," Aki said, reply weak but passionate, "I'd like that. I know I'm acting like a little kid, but I don't want to see or talk to anyone else until I have to. No one will bother us?"

"Nobody. And you're not overreacting; you're burned out. I'm okay with spoiling you for a while." Ueno said spoiling, but quite specifically meant babying. Either was fine with him; Aki deserved it. Despite all the attention Ueno could and would shower on his boyfriend, he found himself wondering if it would be enough.

"But every time we think everything is fine something or someone ruins it." Energy waning, he sank against Ueno's form.

"You got that right. Not this time, though. We can hide out at my place. We won't tell anyone where we're going, and I'll turn off our phones too, okay?"

"Okay."

On the outside, he fit his well-adjusted image to the letter. His innards were another story. Ueno's main goal at this point was to simply keep Aki calm and let him bring all of his feelings and experiences out into the open.

But what then? Life had to continue, but Ueno was woefully unprepared for the unexpected toll that Aki's admissions were taking on him. The realization that he couldn't rely on his carefree and laid back attitude to fix matters was staggering, because it worked on damn near everything else. Hugs, kisses, and taking care of Aki's basic needs may not be enough. The kind of help someone in Aki's situation would need was beyond a warm dinner and cuddling, right?

But something was better than nothing. He resolved to make the remainder of the weekend calming, comfortable and warm. That was a start. He was good at that.

Rather than rise and pull Aki to his feet immediately, his hands assumed a circling motion, applying pressure here and there over Aki's taut muscles. Their noses brushed as Ueno angled his head. Aki's lips were cold, and as Ueno kissed him, he resolved to warm them, and finagle into rights anything that was in his power to repair.

Arms wound around Ueno's neck in a vice-like grip and Aki clung there until Ueno broke off the kiss and urged him to stand. "Let's finish this someplace warm, okay?"

Aki had never behaved quite so obediently, even for Ueno. Quiet and contemplative, he walked with his hand folded in Ueno's solid grip the entire way to his apartment. At Ueno's instruction, he selected his clothing and gathered up his homework, books and supplies, which Ueno packed for him.

He sat by silently as Ueno saw to the kitten's needs before bundling him up and handing him over to Aki.

To use the term sad to describe Aki at that particular point would have been inaccurate; quite the contrary. During their walk, Aki had progressed to elation, relieved to have bared his soul without rejection, but apprehensive regarding Ueno's possible state of mind after he resonated with the facts, and also drained of energy from the myriad of events and expression of emotion.

"Ready?"

Aki nodded, zipping the kitten up underneath his coat and reaching for Ueno's outstretched hand. "I'm ready."

"Okay. Let's drop everything off at my apartment, and then go grocery shopping." Ueno shut the door behind them and tugged Aki in the direction of the elevator.

"Whatever you want," Aki answered, allowing himself to be led, "but what do we need at the store?"

"Food, dummy. I'm never there anymore, so I don't have anything to make. You didn't eat a bite earlier. You'll get hungry at some point, and what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you starve?"

"Isn't it exhausting?"

"What?"

"Taking care of everyone except yourself." Aki gave him a sidelong glance. "I couldn't do it."

Ueno smiled. "It's not chore or a job. I just like doing it. And you've done the same, but maybe you don't see it." He left it at that, electing not to mention that there were several positive aspects that Aki ceased to recognize about himself.

The two of them followed Ueno's plan to the letter and at long last, a showered and fed Aki curled up in Ueno's cozy apartment while he cleaned up after dinner.

Hovering somewhere between awareness and dozing, he was able to hear, though somewhat detached, Ueno while he puttered around the apartment; a door shutting, dishes being stacked, quiet footfalls, running water, muted slamming of cabinetry.

The footfalls sounded closer and closer, until he was roused by gentle hands shaking him to full wakefulness.

"Head still hurt?" Ueno kneeled next to him, a glass of water in one hand, the fingers of his other hand curled around something. "Take these."

Aki raised himself up and took the offered painkillers. "You don't want any help?"

"I know something's wrong if you're offering to help." Ueno took the glass and stood. "I'll put you to bed."

"It's too early for bed." Even while saying so, Aki was certainly wilting fast.

Seconds later, a warm hand rested on his belly, again pulling him pleasantly back to semi-consciousness. Cracking his eyelids, he saw though a haze Ueno hovering above him.

"Bedtime." The darker haired man whispered. "Let's go."

In truth, as spoiled as Aki was in regards to things material, he could have remained wherever he was quite comfortably. He groaned a little in protest, but didn't fight the hands that pulled him into a sitting position, then off the couch completely.

Aki shuffled with Ueno to the bedroom, sweetly docile as he was pushed into bed, struggling to wait for Ueno to settle down with him. He sighed in contentment when the bed dipped under Ueno's added weight.

"I think I… I- um." Aki made to move, but his limbs were seemingly weighed down. His thoughts were already beginning to whirl and mix. "You know… how people talk about..."

"Sure I do." Aki heard what he assumed was laughter, a rustling of bedclothes, felt a whistle of warm breath on his cheeks before the kiss.

"Heard people say that.. things happen for a reason, or that there's only one person in the world made just for them, stuff like that. Garbage, huh?"

There was a pause before Ueno answered. "Maybe. I think it would be nice if were true."

"Maybe it was my job to screw up and make all of those stupid mistakes. And it was your job to show me how stupid I was." Aki yawned.

"Tough job." Ueno kidded.

"Mmhm." Aki reached up and lightly rested a hand on Ueno's shoulder. "M'sorry you got stuck with it."

"I'm not sorry and you shouldn't be either." Ueno smiled crookedly down at the fairer. "You're not stupid. I like my job."

"You're the only one who could have done it." Aki bit his lower lip, transferring his hand to Ueno's cheek. Ueno was saying something else, almost muttering, and Aki strained to hear. "Hmm?"

He flushed. "I said you're amazing."

"And you're crazy."

"I don't know how I'd have handled what you have, but I'm positive it wouldn't be pretty. But you got through it, somehow. And I do think that's amazing."

"It's you."

"Huh?"

"You were made for me, maybe." He was beginning to think Ueno had slipped a little something extra into his drink.

Even half asleep, Aki had no problems imagining the blush that Ueno had to be sporting. But Aki had so recently battled one of his own demons; this admission was nothing.

Or so he thought. He'd have slid pleasantly into slumber, had it not been for Ueno's silence. Aki cracked open his eyelids and whispered to the figure still hovering above him. "Is that stupid?"

"No." Ueno whispered back, his cheeks abnormally rosy.

It seemed to be choreographed; the shifting and placement of their limbs so harmonious, and perfectly timed. Aki reached up with both arms and Ueno lowered himself, supporting his weight on his forearms before Aki gently gripped the back of his head, fingers embedded in thick, soft hair.

Aki gave a small hum before pulling Ueno forward the remaining distance. The first kiss was short, chaste, and followed by a brief pause before Ueno heaved a sigh of his own and dipped his head for another.

It may have seemed odd to think an ex-lover at a time like this, but Aki had to admit that Mira had been correct; Ueno did have a luxurious, kissable, soft set of lips.

He felt Ueno shift his weight before reaching out and fumbling with something, and then the room went black.

"Ueno," Aki mumbled, drowsily, "did you put something in my tea?"

"You bet." Ueno's reply was instant, unabashed. "I thought some booze might help you sleep. You could tell, huh?"

Aki chuckled quietly. "I thought that maybe your tea making skills were lacking today."

"I'm the tea master; you know that."

Aki slowly rolled onto his side, and Ueno settled behind him.

"Sleep." Ueno spoke quietly. "We'll talk some more tomorrow."

"Mmm," Aki replied, quivering in contentment, "tomorrow."

Tomorrow would be better.

It was strange, thought Aki to himself, how his dreams and nightmares were revealing themselves while he lay awake.

It would be expected for him to wake several times throughout the night, shaking remnants of disturbing dreams from his brain. Waking to flashbacks was a different story. He'd open his eyes with no recollection of conflicted slumber; it was as if his mind was encouraging him to rise, so that he could revisit his past more logically.

And he'd lie there, Ueno breathing steadily behind him, arm tossed over Aki's waist, those long puffs of air warming the back of his neck while he witnessed the manifestation of his memories. Some weren't as disturbing as the rest, though he'd lost count of the memories that had replayed themselves that morning, of the times he'd opened his eyes and become lost in thought.

Rolling his muscles into motion, he turned under Ueno's arm, stopping when his boyfriend's rhythmic breathing broke.

"Sorry," Aki whispered to him, dropping his head to the pillow, "go back to sleep."

Dawn was still a while in coming, so Aki wasn't able to read Ueno's expression, but his tone put Aki at ease.

"Your brain still won't sleep? What's in there now?"

"This and that," Aki replied playfully, relieved to have an alert companion, "but I'm fine."

Ueno didn't answer, and Aki knew him well enough to know that he was waiting for clarification; this and that wasn't going to satisfy him.

"My last day with my uncle- no big deal." Aki threw that last part in, a feeble attempt to lighten the subject.

"Oh yeah. You remember that one time I got my ass kicked real bad? No big deal."

"But it's over now."

"Yeah."

Aki heard a quick intake of breath, as if Ueno were about to speak, and then nothing. "What is it?"

"No-"

"You better not say nothing."

"I'd been thinking about some stuff since we talked last night, and I don't want to sound insecure or like I need some kind of ego boost, but something's been bothering me."

Aki smiled in the darkness. "Just one thing? I'd say you're doing pretty well, then. Let me have it."

Ueno took his time; Aki suspected his boyfriend was searching for appropriate wording. Aki waited patiently, strangely fascinated.

"Well, I was going over everything you told me before about your uncle, and then about what you told me last night about Mira. I don't think I ever really understood what that meant until last night."

"And what did you come up with?" Aki propped himself up on an elbow.

"I guess what bothers me is the thought that you were sort of forced to be with.. him, and you got together with Mira because you felt as though you needed to."

"Yes." Aki answered him simply.

"So, that means you haven't chosen to be with anyone."

Aki sat up. "Except for you."

"How come, then?"

"Excuse me?"

Aki felt Ueno heave himself up into a sitting position next to him. "Uh- you said last night that you were able to sleep with all of those people because you could go out of your head, something like that, right?"

"Basically."

"And with Mira, it was hard on you too, right?"

"Yes." Aki refused to sugar coat the facts. "Go on."

He waited, and when it became apparent that Ueno had no intention of continuing, Aki inched closer. "What are you trying to say?"

"Shit, this embarrassing."

"I don't care how embarrassing it is," Aki returned, "please tell me."

"What about with me?"

Aki swallowed hard, reaching out until he could determine Ueno's placement. He turned, until he was sitting astride Ueno's lap, his knees gently pressing into Ueno's hips. "Please, please tell me you're not feeling guilty about this."

"I'm trying, really. I tell myself that we're doing okay now, and that you're out of that situation. But since you explained everything to me, I've been thinking about how I was involved in it."

"Ueno, I told you before; you got me out of it, too."

Ueno continued in a rush, as if he hadn't heard Aki at all. "And the fact that you may have had to resort to some sort of coping method to get through it makes me feel a little weird, even though logically, I understand why you would need to do it. I just wanted to know."

"Did you hear me, Ueno? I told you I mouthed off to him that day, right? Who you do think put me in that frame of mind, where I couldn't handle the thought of that kind of life anymore?"

Ueno was silent, which was fine, such Aki wasn't finished anyway.

"And no, I didn't just cope with you." Aki wound his arms around Ueno's shoulders. "You were a random stranger that I didn't want to be bothered by; that's the truth. But I know better now. Besides, you couldn't feel that I wasn't coping?"

"Why?"

"I honestly can't say why." Aki replied. "I don't know why I responded to you and no one else. You're special and I'm crazy about you; that's all I can say. And before you ask; it wasn't because sex with you was incredible, although it really was. That was for the ego boost you said you didn't need."

Ueno coughed. "Um, thanks for that. Sorry."

"What for?" What sort of guilt was he harboring now?

"Temporary moment of weakness, I guess. It was a dumb thing to worry about, with all that you're going through right now." Ueno cleared his throat and wormed his way out from underneath Aki's weight. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Checking on Blackie?" Aki deliberately lightened his tone.

"Don't call him that. Yeah, it's about time to feed him anyway."

Ueno shuffled his way into the bathroom, flipping the light switch as he closed the door.

Ugh. Aki flopped onto his back, vaguely disturbed. He should have known that Ueno would start imposing that sort of guilt on himself. There had to be some sort of way to ma-

Behind the closed bathroom door, whooping sounded. Startled, Aki almost toppled from the edge of the bed. Before he could react any further, he heard the knob turn, rapid footsteps, and then the bedroom was flooded with light.

Aki shut his eyes against the sudden brightness, dangerously close to falling again as Ueno dove into bed.

"Aki, look! Look, look, look, look."

The first thing Aki noticed when he opened his eyes was Ueno's absolutely gleeful smile. A split second later, he received a face full of fur. He reached out, hands cupping their furry baby gently, and moved it away so he could see whatever Ueno was laughing and blubbering on about.

He took his first look and stunned, he almost dropped his tiny bundle at the sight of two half-slit, milky bluish-gray eyes, adding some sort of extra life to the kitten he and Ueno had painstakingly been coddling for nearly a week.

He looked up, momentarily speechless, at Ueno, who sat bouncing in place on top of the bedclothes.

Caught up in the moment and unable to articulate, Aki howled weakly. Ueno howled back, and then abruptly ceased his wiggling. "Did you really just do that?"

"I think so." Aki regained his senses. "Let's just forget it."

"Not a chance, Mister Messed Up." Ueno smiled broadly, and scooted over to Aki's side. "You had a goofy moment, and I loved it. He really seems alive now, right?"

Ueno had echoed his own thoughts. "We have to name him soon. I still vote for Blackie."

"We promised you dad we wouldn't. Let's try and think of something more creative."

It seemed absurd for the two of them to sit up brainstorming before dawn, but they sat cuddled up together for hours, passing the kitten back and forth, testing out kitten names, for the moment completely disregarding events of the night and conversations of the morning.

He'd messed up royally, but life would go on; Aki had always known that. He knew that the days ahead would be full of painful memories months and years past, questions and conversations. He figured it would take some time for awkwardness and hesitation to pass. He knew that after their excitement abated that all of that would return.

But Aki had the love of his life, the most amazing individual imaginable, pressed against his side, cooing down to Blackie or Fluffy, or whatever, well aware of Aki's dirty deeds and staunchly refusing to go elsewhere in spite of them.

Despite what was to come in the coming days, weeks, or months, he realized that the life that would continue on could very well be more promising.