Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.


The Long Way Home: Chapter 30

It was overcast outside. On this dismal, random Saturday lacking any sort of productive activity, Ueno was hard pressed to remember a day in his recent past when he'd felt quite so cozy, serene, and content. Ueno had arrived at his parents' home the night before and was spending a weekend surrounded by his blood. It was proving uneventful, though he enjoyed lazing around the family house. Usually, he spent his weekends running full speed, but occasional relaxation never hurt. At times, he longed to stop moving, to rest his body and mind. When he felt the urge to receive some coddling instead of giving, he recognized home as the place to get it. This time around, he'd preferred home over his friend's proposed weekend of drinking and bonding. He didn't care to socialize with all the people who would be in attendance, and it had been over two months since he'd been able to enjoy the company of his family. He'd craved his mother's cooking, the familial banter and general mayhem of the house. Going home had quickly won out.

Everyone was doing their own thing that day; his baby sister was up in her room, no doubt in the middle of an incredibly vital phone call with her best friend of the week. The last time Ueno had passed her bedroom door, he'd overheard her discussing their new favorite color or something. His father was holed up in the study, as he normally was over the weekend, analyzing magazines. Some called it necessary. Ueno teased his father for collecting medical pornography, and usually earned a chuckle, accompanied by a slap upside the head. His older sister had already come by, dropping off his nephew and nieces for an extended stay. His older brothers, no longer living at home, were off living their respective lives, though the oldest had promised to stop over later that evening. The other was off being holy. Sounds and scents of a culinary miracle filtered into the living area from the kitchen, so apparently his mother was already busy.

His nephew, older than the rest of the kids, was on his own while his baby sisters napped. He liked to play like any other child, but only occasionally, and always on his own terms. The activities he preferred were usually not the type his sisters, cousins, or other kids preferred. He had already been tagged as intellectual by the family and teachers but nerdy and strange by his peers, one of the true marks of a child genius or prodigy, as far as Ueno was concerned. As Ueno watched Sachio, thoroughly entranced by his favorite recent activity of choice, he marveled at his nephew's focus. He'd graduated from coloring to drawing at an accelerated speed, and from that to experimenting with paint. He'd come bearing art supplies and hadn't left his seat in over an hour, in deep concentration. Ueno, feeling excessively lazy, stretched out on the couch, his nephew directly in front of him on the floor, occasionally sneaking a glance at the kid's canvas but refraining from asking questions, as Sachio grew bashful when he knew he was being watched, likely mindful of possible teasing.

The kid wasn't actually painting, anyway. He'd set out a several tubes of watercolor paint on the floor to his left, with cleaned brushes and a spray bottle filled with tepid water on his right. The canvas, much too small for an elaborate masterpiece, it instead served as a practice area, balanced on the table in front of him, and Ueno could tell from quick glances that his nephew was merely dinking around with color combinations. The top right corner was filled with single strokes, one neat and tidy next to the other and so on, each one a shade different than the last, all variants of blue. The top left corner sported shades of red. From such a small number of source colors, he'd created an impressive quantity of hues.

How a kid could sit still and concentrate on something so tedious without any sort of reward or instant gratification was beyond Ueno, but he was impressed nonetheless. His nephew had a serious fascination, fantasizing about his future works, staring at photographs of cherry blossoms, leaves, tree trunks, butterflies and magnified blades of grass, to name a few marvels of nature. The child wanted to duplicate them all on canvas, but quickly discovered that to create masterpieces, one must first learn to paint.

Ueno had expected Sachio to quickly lose interest. After all, the child was so accustomed to automatic success, immediately grasping concepts, excelling in his classes and completing tasks with the smallest amount of effort. Trying was foreign to little Sachio, but he'd risen to the occasion, studiously examining color combinations. He could now tell a cheap brush from a professional one, had learned how to prime a canvas, and understood the abilities that varied between different painting methods.

His quiet little companion sighed, sticking a finger in between his lips and staring at his work for a moment or two before Ueno interrupted the silence.

"I like that one."

"Eh?"

"That color you made."

"Which one?" His nephew flushed, but since Ueno had issued a compliment, he apparently felt confident enough to entertain his uncle.

"The reddish one, that looks kind of orangey-pink..ish." Ueno hadn't known what exactly to call it; it was simply pleasing and calming to his eye, and stood out against the rest. "The third one over from the edge."

"Mmm." Sachio had craned his neck to get a good look at Ueno, but turned back around to examine the mentioned shade. "It makes me think of hot days."

"Yeah?" Ueno blinked. "How come?"

"I get to stay up later on the days I have no school, you know?"

"Yep."

"Mama and Papa like to sit outside when it gets warm, and we get to watch the sun go down. The sky is the same color."

"Oh yeah!" Ueno nodded. "You wanna know something else that's the same color?"

"Huh?"

"Your mom's hair." Ueno leaned over and poked his nephew's cheek.

"That's not the same thing!" Sachio shook his head vehemently, swatting at Ueno's wiggling fingers. "Mama makes her hair that color. She takes over the bathroom and gets that stuff all over the sink and the floor. Then Papa yells and stomps around the house because of the mess, but after he's done being mad, he always tells her that it's pretty. This wasn't created. It happened just because, you know? It's supposed to be this way."

Sachio was a deep kid. "You mean it's natural." Ueno smiled. That was true. The color swatch, much like his sister's highlights, had come straight from a few tubes and tedious mixing, culminating into a combination she hadn't planned, but liked nonetheless. He'd never marveled the dubious beauty of her tresses, but a sunset or two had stolen his breath, without a doubt. "How did you know what colors to put together? I couldn't do it."

"Dunno. I was mixing, and it just happened. It was a mistake, but I like it. Should I call it mama?"

Ueno blinked and nodded, a bit hesitantly. The kid was naming his colors. He was going to be rich one day. One day the little intellectual was going to call all of the shots and make naysayers feel somehow inadequate later on in life.

His nephew hadn't set out to create a color perfect for a sunset; it had been a mistake, according to Sachio. Well, maybe not a mistake, but Ueno cosigned on the just happened part. Ueno supposed he couldn't try to create a color he'd never envisioned or put a name to before. But somehow, Ueno had been exposed at just the right time, having been in just the right place, to swatches of color, bathing the sky in the most beautiful, awe-inspiring sunset ever to take place on earth. Once Ueno had seen it and then learned it carried the name Aki, he'd considered it perfect, understanding the true value, even if Aki himself couldn't.

In his musing of that afternoon when he'd been hanging out with his family, not long before his first meeting with Aki, he felt that he'd finally hit something major. He had no idea if the revelation was shared by Aki, but it made perfect sense to Ueno. As incredibly fluffy and ill-timed the waking dream was, it seemed to sum up his feelings about his relationship with Aki so well, even while he lay there in the beginnings of passion.

Aki could never have come from a pre-made palette or imagined, sellable color, much like many of the most treasured individuals in Ueno's life. But unlike the others that Ueno treasured, whom he loved, defended, and respected, the color Aki was perfect. It was made for him, somehow, without explanation, complimenting him completely. Together, they were somehow the ultimate, sweetest dichotomy, warm and thrilling. Ideal. It defied explanation. Some would say they weren't suited to one another in any way, but while Ueno agreed, he also knew, deep inside him, those differences were what attracted them to one another, period.

Aki had said much the same before, about Ueno being made for him, though in not as many words. Ueno hadn't considered the comment as thoroughly as he should have. The knowledge that he might be someone else's perfect match filled him with a giddiness, a novel sense of purpose. Ueno had never attempted to create or realize Aki out of thin air, not when he had been going through his life happily enough, never realizing what a life without Aki would be like until his life became filled with him. He'd have gone through his life just fine without meeting Aki, as ignorance could indeed be bliss. Maybe he could have settled down into adulthood with a nice, pretty, blah girl, and missed out on the most beatific, perfect, breathtaking treasure ever gifted to him, not knowing any better. But now that Aki had materialized, he could never be unloved or forgotten. There was only one of his boyfriend in the world- thank goodness.

While he'd never realized that his life was lacking, never asked for much from anyone, Aki had still fallen into his lap. Warts and all, Aki was perfection, somehow.

Unlike the paint, however, he couldn't have been an accident or mistake; could such a satisfying match be anything but fate, something specially, specifically created? Aki could very well be Ueno's very own sunset. And if Aki hadn't been perfect for him, Ueno would still have fallen in love him, for no good reason. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. It wasn't a generalization. Ueno knew.

His.

How unbelievably cheesy. Ueno was startled to realize that this was the first time he'd consciously referred to Aki as belonging specifically to him, a true pang of possessiveness. Sure, he'd referred to Aki as his boyfriend, but that was weak, paling in comparison to believing that the fairer was completely his-only. Ueno not only wanted, but needed to care for him, force meals down his throat, ensure he was up for class, to dispel his fears, to make him crack a stupid smile - not one of his gorgeous ones - to make him constantly, consistently happy. If Aki had been aboard Ueno's train of thought, he'd probably have smiled sweetly in agreement and told Ueno that he was happy and taken care of very well, but this musing was Ueno's alone.

It was a musing that would be best considered any time but now.

It had taken far too long to get here. And yet, the instant the two of them finally arrived, it seemed to Ueno as if no time had passed at all. How long had it been since they'd discussed their lack of intimacy and their longing for the eventual culmination of their love? A year, a couple of days, a week? How long had Ueno truly waited for this, mindful of the awe-inspiring possibilities while he staunchly denied his needs on the surface? It seemed to have lasted mere minutes, now that Aki covered his body and filled his senses.

Pondering anything else too deeply wasn't wise; his first task should be to act. When Aki descended on him, he'd merely sprawled, spread-eagled, arms slack, and arched his neck in offering to Aki's lips. It was an offer Aki had accepted completely and immediately, attaching himself to his boyfriend's exposed throat, taking loving ownership.

It was good. His eyelids fluttered almost spastically, then eventually pressed shut, and for a moment the only sensation that registered on his skin was delight, on his lips and tongue an aftertaste of mild citrus from their earlier dessert. Aki's mouth inspired tremors with each caress. He'd felt those lips on his own more times than he could count, particularly over the last couple of weeks, but less often in this way, for this sole purpose, when their intent was to madden. His arms came up; one hand gripping his boyfriend's side, and the other slid up, his fingers threading through silky strands resting at the back of Aki's neck, the skin underneath warm and soft.

The pressure moved upward, and Aki's tongue emerged, slick and leisurely, brushing over Ueno's earlobe. The repeated caress brought forth a breath Ueno hadn't realized he was holding, escaping in the form of a barely audible whine. It was a sound he was pretty sure had never, ever worked its way out of him before and he'd had blushed if Aki hadn't replied with an immediate murmuring of his own. Aki's response, while indecipherable, was soft and reassuring, coming to life against his skin and inspiring a fluttering in his chest cavity. I know- me too, love.

They were in this- in everything- together. Ueno, felt, heard the unspoken message, the plea to share this experience, brought to life by Aki's beautiful, low voice. While the words were only in his head, he shuddered. He moved to sit, but Aki pulled back before wrapping his hands around Ueno's wrists, warned by the tightening of muscle.

He relaxed his limbs, staring up at his boyfriend through a fog that didn't quite muddy the fairer man's beauty. Maybe, maybe he could have overpowered Aki, if that was truly what he'd desired. Inspired anew to participate, anxious to give, but far too interested in Aki's intent in restraining him, of what was to come; he didn't fight it. Ueno tried to calm himself with slow, deep breaths, but the thundering in his chest not only refused to subside in the face of his efforts; it increased with alarming multiplicity.

But then, Aki released his wrists almost immediately, seemingly in afterthought, and whispered down to him. "On second thought, I do need you to sit up for me, love. Just for a second."

Love always sounded good when it came filtered through Aki's soft voice. He did as instructed, Aki's soft hands pressed to his back, helping him, but wasn't sure how; he didn't recall how he moved, or of any effort he put into the motion. His senses were heightened- painfully so- but his voluntary reflexes were mostly numb. He was still able to obey, though, as if being pulled, called. Ueno obviously had never assumed that he would be the one to give direction or lead, but lying there while Aki did the work was a concept that had not occurred to him, either. Not that he would have necessarily have known how to lead; their lovemaking patterns and comfort levels hadn't yet been established, weren't known to either one of them yet. That kind of ease took time, as well as experience. He trusted Aki's ability to improvise much more than his own.

Ueno found that he couldn't do much more, only sit still when Aki kneeled between his legs, staring dazedly into lovely garnet, random thoughts and musings meshing, while Aki slid button after button of Ueno's shirt free, parting the material with both hands. Ueno was yielding as Aki eased his arms free of the first shirt and then worked the long sleeved top he wore underneath up and over his chest, and then his head. He wasn't moving a muscle outwardly, but his insides assuredly did handsprings and cartwheels, silly considering they had undressed one another above the waist in the past.

When cool fingers cupped his shoulders and then glided down, his eyes again closed on their own. Fearful of what would occur if the confines of his form were unable to contain his reaction to Aki's touch, his muscles repeatedly bunched and released. Aki was taking his time, lowering his head to softly kiss one of Ueno's shoulders while his fingers descended, solidly pressing into his front. Ueno inhaled sharply as a finger passed over a dormant tip on the way down, braced himself against the electric pinpricks that arrayed the center; he couldn't for the life of him recall an occasion when someone intentionally touched him there, or when the often disregarded little point had ever ripened to such stiffness, and so quickly.

There was a pause before Aki applied additional pressure, urging Ueno to again recline below him. Ueno dimly observed his boyfriend dip his head, then the warm, slick swipe of a tongue against his skin, strands of silvery hair skimming over him, tickling. His nerve endings crackled, arms slack but twitching at his sides. The even bigger shock was when Aki used his mouth to travel along the trail his hand initially chartered. That puckered tip blossomed fully in response to a leisurely stroke of Aki's tongue and the accompanying coolness of air passing over his moistened skin.

Ueno couldn't help himself; he arched and he struggled against writhing as Aki continued his ministrations, his thoughts reeling, his skin painfully tightened. His labored breathing brought with it a faint, spicy scent, not at all unpleasant; was it Aki's hair? How had he never noticed it before? His body jerked with every flick and stroke of Aki's fingers and every swipe of that tongue, but he was good for nothing; Aki wasn't benefiting from his inactivity. He ached to rise, but remaining sprawled beneath Aki was fun, too. He should have been appalled at the way he only took, could only undulate, only tremble like an innocent, unsuspecting first-timer. The thought was disconcerting.

With the exception of work and class, his days were centered on Aki. They spent their lunch hour together, and every available moment before and after work, within reason, was spent with Aki from the time they woke up to start their day through the time they slumbered, their bodies curled around one another.

While spending most available waking moments with him, and while imagining often what consenting sex would be like, he'd never imagined this; the pleasures of questing touches, of how it would feel to have Aki's slender fingers rolling one nipple to ripeness between his fingers while his tongue danced around the other, of how Aki's hair, which he was now threading his fingers through to cement his palm to Aki's scalp, would feel in his hands tonight, seeking some sort of relief instead of giving.

How could he have? He'd never felt so bodily and mentally fixed toward another human being in his life, at least not this way, had never known it was even possible.

He forced his limbs into motion and lowered his hand to reach for a forearm, stalling Aki long enough to scoot backward and seek some support from the pillows piled up behind him before he held out his arms, hands beckoning, and panted an eloquent, respectful command. It was a demand that he clearly saw bring a smile to Aki's face, and one that was immediately obeyed. It was also the first coherent set of words he'd voiced since being tumbled into bed.

"Here. Now."

Though not accustomed to the position until that night, Ueno's thighs again came apart easily, and Aki slid into the cradle of them as if he was meant to be there. Aki pressed himself close, his face situated into its previous location, placing soft, brief kisses to Ueno's neck before re-focusing his attentions. He swallowed hard when Aki's mouth found a patch of skin behind his ear and began nibbling at it, gently at first, but with increasing pressure and intensity.

One hand hurriedly worked Aki's shirt upward, exposing most of his back, but Ueno's other hand moved down, fingers entering the gap in the denim of Aki's jeans. He flexed his fingers experimentally and when no objection came, did one better and slid a hand beneath Aki's thin, snug fitting shorts. He'd learned recently that this was one of his own favorite spots to tend to, a fact Aki accepted without the batting of an eye. Warm flesh, smooth as butter and soft as silk, welcomed his touch and he was inspired to knead, with more force than intended.

Ueno underestimated, or rather, never acknowledged any sort of response he might experience from auditory encouragement, but Aki drew back slightly, removing his mouth from Ueno's sensitive skin with a tiny smack and vocalized his appreciation. That moan, stuttered, deep and husky, filtered into his ears, and quite possibly the most sensual and appreciated utterance ever heard, Ueno's jeans instantly grew tighter. Inspired, he began anew.

Aki's backside was almost too tempting to release, but he realized quickly that he couldn't do much; some clothing had to go. That decided, Ueno regretfully pulled his hand free and gripping Aki's hip, gently urged his boyfriend back, just a little, to work a hand in between their bodies.

Barely audible over labored breathing was the click of metal as Ueno undid Aki's belt, freeing the prong from its eyelet and jerking the leather end from the buckle. It took a few more seconds to pop open the button, but the zipper seemed to recognize Ueno's urgency and slid down easily at his tugging. With more room to work, a hand was free to bury itself in Aki's hair while the other resumed its earlier post, gently squeezing.

A warm puff of air against his skin accompanied Aki's whispering of his name, the vibration jolting him more than he thought possible, and then he arched, the stretch forcing their midsections together solidly. He winced as the metal prong jabbed his abdomen. Ueno hurriedly separated their bodies again, shoving Aki's jeans and shorts roughly down his thighs. Aki was so sweetly cooperative, rising up straight and resting a hand on each of his boyfriend's shoulders for balance while Ueno set to working one leg free, and then the other.

They joined again, aided by Ueno's insistent pressing. He strained upward while using his hand to pull Aki down forcibly, almost choking on a gasp at another current that passed through him. His hands moved on their own; he slid his fingertips along Aki's calf, caressed and gripped the back of Aki's thighs, kneaded his buttocks. His upper half was chaste, however; while Ueno handled him firmly, gentle cheek nuzzling ensued from above.

Then, dimly, he heard his name again, no more hearty than a breath, more vibration than vocalization. Ueno turned his head, and Aki was ready for him. Their lips came together with all the gentleness of a train wreck, somehow perfect. If foreplay was this much fun, the sensation so satisfying, how did people keep from losing it- both emotionally and physically- long enough to have actual, organized sex? Tentative discussions, suggestive glances, and daydreaming hadn't prepared him for the emotion, thudding heartbeat, and blood madly coursing through his extremities. He wondered if Aki felt the same, but quickly dismissed the speculation; Aki had been through too much, seen and experienced too much already to see their coming together with the same wide-eyed wonder. He must be jaded to some extent.

The thought was a sobering one, causing Ueno to halt in mid-caress, lips going slack, momentarily and effectively distracted. Immediately, Aki froze above him, pulling back. "Ueno?"

Ueno fought to catch his breath and speak, though once he did he'd never be able to tell Aki what was on his mind. It was impossible, not without sounding like a sophomoric, virginal fool. Aki most likely had no belief in Ueno's own puritanical expectations after all that he'd seen in his life; why was Ueno stymied by the lack of one? His brooding, when put into words, could obliterate a wet dream, and he didn't wish that on either of them, especially right then. What was wrong with him? He was stressing, and becoming fast irritated with it, thus laboring over his thought processes even further.

Aki wasn't up for it. Ueno was suddenly nose-to-nose with the other man, and his boyfriend's eyes were anything but gentle. He glared into Ueno's eyes, conveying his warning well.

Cool, slender fingers held Ueno's face steady, and Aki stared right into him, through him, calling him out of his self-castigation, refocusing him, drawing his attention back to them and the moment he had potentially ruined. "Don't do it. Worrying about anyone else, thinking about your lab calculations, guy-on-guy etiquette, homeless kitties, harmful ultraviolet rays, whether or not you took out the garbage, endangered wildlife; whatever it is, please don't think about it now. It can wait." His voice was a whisper, pleading. "Ueno, please."

Ueno hadn't intended to behave in a manner that would force Aki to baby him. Self-awareness kicked in. His cheeks went hot with embarrassment. Staring into Aki's eyes, he pondered his position. He was half lying in bed, Aki situated between his legs, soft and indulgent, and up until he'd let his brain run free and unchecked, they'd been proceeding so well, approaching a delightful and much anticipated culmination. He certainly had the killjoy role down pat.

He wanted Aki, and Aki, if his actions were at all telling, desired him. Why was it in his nature to constantly erect barriers with foundations born of insecurity? How come he couldn't simply accept? What guy in their right mind did everything in their power to put a halt to something like this?

Come to think of it, this was Ueno's way. In everything. He was excessive. He behaved in this manner daily, whether it be-

He mentally shook himself. Quit it. He didn't want to go there, and nor did the warm, gorgeous, aroused man holding him. Moreover, it wasn't the time to go there.

Ueno made up his mind then and there to stop thinking, to give in to instinct, to no longer allow himself to be the hurdle that had to be bested before they could move along in their relationship. It was scary not knowing which way was up, but also thrilling. If he couldn't do that with Aki, who he loved to distraction, then who else? There was no one else- not a single, living soul- who would understand, who would help him through his embarrassment and misgivings. Aki loved him; he and Ueno could cross this line together with one another's assistance. They bested everything problematic; that's what they did. Why not this? They would keep growing together, and one day the anxiety and apprehension he experienced today would be something they laughed about together.

Confidence flared.

He blinked to bring his eyes into focus, drew in a deep breath, and nodded. Along with his reservations and tendency toward caution, Ueno was his own worst enemy. He had to send that statement into the past, starting right then. Ueno was done holding them back from the primal, the natural, and the beautiful.

It was their time. It had been their time for a while now.

Ueno raised his own hand, cupping the back of Aki's neck and whispering to him. "Yeah."

Of all acts of bravery, Ueno had never plunged his tongue into another's mouth as deeply as he did then, never ran his fingers over another's body as wantonly as he did then, never drawn out such a shuddering moan in another human being as he did then. Aki fairly liquefied in Ueno's arms, fitting into the circle of them so perfectly.

Ueno disregarded any standard of gentleness; with urgent hands, he whipped Aki's top upward, jerking it over his head before wrapping an arm around Aki's torso, holding him steady. His other hand drifted downward, resting on one of his boyfriend's calves and he met his Aki's questioning gaze. The look vanished almost immediately and Aki's lips curved upward, his expression strangely shy, compliant as Ueno urged him to move one leg and then the other, so that they were now outside of Ueno's, hugging them nice and snug.

That done, he maintained eye contact while he slowly ran his fingers up and down Aki's sides, the caress light enough to solicit visible shivering in Aki's frame. Oddly enough, because he'd never questioned his ability as a lover so much with others, it blew Ueno's mind to know that he could reduce Aki to pants and moans, cause those gorgeous, beguiling eyes to go foggy and lurid. It was funny how this little snow angel, in all his lush, cool paleness, had eyes that were such a color that inspired the image of flames. Fire and ice; that pretty much summed his boyfriend up, and at the moment, that fire was all centered on Ueno; it was for Ueno.

His thoughts ran away from him again, though no longer negative or self-demeaning.

The why continued to floor him; Aki loved him. He knew it, was positive it was true- intellectually. It was there in Aki's gaze, and always in his words, though he had never been never sure of what he had to offer Aki that no one else could. He was clean, healthy and hardworking, he supposed, but where was the allure in that? What about an understanding guy that made sure his boyfriend ate square meals, woke up on time for class, and acted as a soundboard, fed the kitties, and acted as the voice of reason, was at all exciting, made him more than simply a parental-type figure? How did that inspire lust? With those thoughts in mind, the difficult part had always been behaving as if he was secure in the knowledge that he'd secured Aki's affections. It had never shaken him like this before. Being the recipient of Aki's love- this was it.

This was it. Not one of his girlfriends had been made for him. None of them had filled him with such violent giddiness, fear and confusion, sometimes seconds apart, sometimes concurrent. He'd never run around work, worrying about whether or not a girlfriend had eaten a healthy, balanced dinner that night. He'd reclined next to a girl in the aftermath of sex, both of them fighting the call of sleep, eventually giving up and sharing a bed. But never, ever had he slept next to one of them for the sole purpose of sharing a resting place, because the thought of parting distressed them both. He had never planned to wake up next to her so that they could begin another day together. He'd never lounged on his side, wanting nothing more than to delight in the tranquility of a sleeping face, examining a nose, following every twitch of a lip, or hearing the other breathe. Never had he lay in anticipation of the slow raising of eyelids, of the subsequent good morning smile from girls that for some reason at this very moment, lost their names and past importance in his life.

Suddenly, the words were there, on the tip of his tongue, though ill-timed. This wasn't the proper moment for a grand declaration of love. He'd have plenty of time later to tell Aki how much he meant to him, how the mere sight of the other man filled him with sensation and adoration, how he'd never loved another with this fervor, intensity and passion in his short life. That is, if he could get the words out without blushing. Not that Aki would care about his embarrassment.

He watched as Aki drew away, scooting backward before sinking down, resting on Ueno's thighs. Aki raised both arms, molding his palms to Ueno's chest and pushing almost insistently. Ueno took the not-so-subtle hint, inching his rear forward and leaning back until his head hit the pillow.

Ueno heaved a sigh and then lifted his eyes, gazing into his boyfriend's. His hands crept up, starting at Aki's forearms and working their way upward, gliding over his shoulders and up his neck, until he was able to cup those pale, glowing cheeks in his palms. He applied pressure, drawing Aki's face in, urgency fading for a moment. Aki allowed it, his chest dropping to Ueno's, resting the remainder of his weight on his forearms, the weight both exhilarating and comforting.

Ueno was gentle, patient as their faces met, nose-to-nose very briefly, as the kiss landed. His fingers buried themselves in Aki's hair, while he moved his lips to Aki's cheek, traversing to the skin underneath his ear, worrying at the smooth flesh, enjoying a slight saltiness, pausing to inhale Aki's heady scent.

And then, sometime in him clicked. He needed Aki underneath him. His fingers itched to caress, and his lips longed to explore. In opposition to what his body told him, he wanted to do these things at his own leisure, and before Aki had him tumbling past the point of no return.

Propelling his body into motion, he heaved himself upward while Aki backed up, startled. Ueno wasted no time, reaching out with both arms, hands grabbing at Aki's midsection and unceremoniously, twisting his own body in the process, tossing Aki onto the bed.

His boyfriend landed on his back, eyes wide with surprise, as Ueno descended. His bare legs came up of their own accord, knees pressed into Ueno's hips. He dropped, covering Aki's body with his own, nestling his face into the crook of Aki's neck. Ueno felt arms encircle his back, fingers pressing into his skin, almost painfully.

Ueno's hips moved on their own, thrusting rhythmically, Aki's fingers now digging into his back in response. He continued rocking, several times before he regained control of his body, realizing that while Aki, arched up against him, body drawn taut, was naked and glorious, Ueno still had clothing to remove. For this to go any further, he had to get up, at least for a moment, and get rid of his pants. He was more than ready to continue. They'd waited for so long, and Ueno had spent so much wasted time tiptoeing around the subject, denying them both. No more.

Steeling himself, he pressed his hands against the mattress, pushing himself backward. He busied himself scrabbling for the button and zipper of his jeans. It wasn't until he'd relieved the pressure and prepared to stand and tug down his clothing, that he spared a look at his boyfriend.

So lost in his thoughts as he had been, it had been hard to tell that Aki was no longer as caught up in the moment as Ueno was at first; the clawing and writhing could be interpreted as signs of arousal just as easily as they could have been of distress. Aki wasn't shouting or protesting, oddly enough, but the refusal was so obvious now, not to mention shocking, since he'd initiated this tryst in the first place. His eyes were wide, pupils huge, lips clenched tightly and trembling, body arthritic.

Even more concerning was that Aki didn't appear all there, as if mentally, he'd taken a fork in the road and moved to a location where Ueno, gentle caresses, and ease didn't dare travel. It was a place where Aki was driven to fight, though Ueno had no idea who or what Aki was attempting to protect himself from. He wasn't seeing Ueno, though his eyes were fixed on the darker man; Aki was staring straight through him.

What was Aki going through?

Ueno had barely grasped the reality of the situation before his peripheral vision picked up a blur coming at him from the left, before the quickly following crack that he both heard and felt, before pain blossomed in his cheekbone, before a frenzied wheezing sounded from beneath him, before Aki began flailing in earnest.

Deflecting blows wasn't a calculated decision, but he found himself doing just that. It wasn't until he caught Aki, his fingers gripping his boyfriend's thin wrist that he realized attempting to restrain Aki just might intensify his panic. Ueno hastily released him and scrambled to the foot of the bed before the loosed limb could re-connect. He wasn't necessarily frightened for his own safety, even after being struck, but putting some distance between the two of them made the most sense. With panic came inhuman strength, and since Aki was indeed in a state of panic and stronger than he normally revealed, backing away seemed far safer for both of them.

But, jeez, it was killing him to keep his distance as Aki's wheezing intensified. He fought, bless him, to suck in an adequate quantity of air, but it didn't appear to be working. Was he choking?

"Aki?" Ueno tried whispering at first, and then spoke with urgency, hoping his words would reach the fairer some way. "Aki!" Seemingly from a distance, he heard his own voice, intense and high, thin and panicked, repeating his love's name with no result.

It hit him; he needed help. He'd call Mira, or Aki's father. No; they needed real help. An ambulance could reach his apartment more quickly, and without the necessary explanation. Wait; why did it matter now? Aki was choking, so why should he worry about detailing what had taken place before Aki began to pani-

Where was the goddamned phone? Ueno quickly dismissed the previous thought and surveyed his small beside table. Nothing there; he must have left it in the other room. He propelled himself from the bed and through the doorway, scanning the table, floor, and then couch before he noticed his cell phone, partially hidden between the cushions.

He stumbled, almost biting it at least once before the phone was finally clenched in his hand. He darted back to his bedroom, and with fingers he hadn't realized were trembling until now, clamored to open the flip and begin dialing.

"Ue-" Ueno's name, cut off by a gasp, ripped him from his own frantic thought process, stilling his fingers. "Ueno, please." The slender, pale digits of one hand worked their way up, first patting, and then clawing at a throat that, along with Aki's face, had quickly flushed. That beautiful face disappeared from his sight when Aki, moving his hand to his chest, rolled onto his side, knees drawn in, gasping in earnest.

He dropped the phone in his haste, leaping back onto his bed and scooting up behind his boyfriend. With no regard to his or Aki's safety at this point, almost mindless in his need to bring Aki back to him, he cuddled up behind the fairer man, arms wound around Aki's middle, fingers clenched at his belly.

Aki's bare body, uncharacteristically hot, quaked in Ueno's arms. Not questioning the action, Ueno heaved, hauling Aki into a kneeling position. Maintaining his hold, the words came, without his knowledge or urging. He spoke Aki's name, over and over, reminding his love that he was there. He buried his nose in Aki's nape, whispering, coaxing. He left Aki's arms free, to let him know he was under no one's control.

Ueno's agitated mind could only crank out two words. They came out repeatedly, whispered into the side of Aki's neck. "I'm here." His chest ached, unheeded for the most part, his heartbeat an echoing whack within his ribcage. Startled to notice that he was actually panting now, Ueno was even more surprised that once he'd noticed it, it also registered that Aki's labored breathing had begun to ease.

A head of thick, silvery hair, sodden with sweat, fell back and to the side, leaning heavily against Ueno's cheek. The slim, rigid body in his arms went slack, the energy to fight slipping away. As Ueno watched over his shoulder, Aki's hands dropped lifelessly, his arms resting his own.

Although singular, the broken cry that reached his ears propelled Ueno back into motion. He began to rock the body he held, resuming his murmuring. The trembling ebbed away, and he could feel Aki's relatively normal inhale and exhale against his own chest. He lifted one arm, his fingers finding the side of Aki's head and carding his fingers through the hair there.

The minutes, uncalculated, slipped by, until Aki rested, absolutely still, in Ueno's arms. Ueno briefly wondered if Aki had actually fallen into sleep from exhaustion or something of the sort. Then, suddenly, Aki went rigid again, and then ever so slightly, pulled away, craning his neck to observe Ueno for the first time.

A few moments passed while Aki, at least in Ueno's opinion, seemed to process that he was free, that he was in no imminent danger. Ueno swore he actually witnessed the exact instant Aki's eyes went from muddy to clear, reality suddenly returning.

Then, as soon as he seemed process the situation, he lurched into motion, ripping himself free and throwing himself forward. Separated, Ueno's fingers flexed, itching to reach out, but wisely he kept his hands to himself. What had happened? How was Aki hurting, and why?

Aki turned, jerking Ueno from his internal questioning, and their eyes met. Ueno stared back, swallowing hard, unsure of what to do, and even less sure of what to say or how to feel. Without thinking, he scooted backward, wary and mystified, as a transformation in Aki took place.

Aki, under Ueno's own gaze, observed him in obvious confusion, and then his eyes widened, darkening again. He noticed Aki focus somewhere on his face, most likely the area that Ueno was feeling begin to heat up, the skin tightening. He raised his hand to gingerly examine the area and winced, dropping his hand back to his side.

While never having been struck in the throes of passion, he had certainly been punched in the face more than once in the not-so-distant past, and, at least in the physical sense, this felt no different; there was the pain, and he was sure his cheek was red and beginning to swell. He should hurry and grab some ice to combat the effects, but he was unable to move, so oddly fascinated by Aki's expression, which at that point had transitioned.

His eyes had widened, appearing almost too big for the delicate features of his face and at once, Ueno understood how the adjective bloodless could apply to a person. Aki's almost translucent skin was now ashen, emphasizing the panicked roundness of eyes, of trembling lips, of the sweat that once again began beading Aki's brow.

"Aki? A-are you-" Ueno stopped, mouth gaping when Aki shook himself free of his stupor, tumbling from the bed and bolting for the tiny bathroom. Ueno's heart lurched at the muffled sob that reached his ears before the door slammed, shutting out any further sound.

The door slammed. "Aki!"

Wow, the word that repeated itself in Ueno's mind, was a grossly understated reflection of his awe. He stared at the closed door, cheek throbbing, confusion and despair rising.

With their track record, he should have known better. Nothing was that easy for them.