A/N: Here's chapter one guys! You can look forward to weekly postings after this :)


Chapter 1

FOURTEEN YEARS LATER

TRIS

"What about these?"

I stare blankly at Christina and then at the tenth pair of white shoes she's tried on in the past half hour. I wish she'd just pick one already. It's not like anyone will be able to see her feet under her enormous wedding dress.

"Yeah, sure," I lie half-heartedly. These look exactly like the pair before it, and the pair before that.

Looking annoyed, she spins around to face me. Her curly hair bounces up and down. "Could you at least pretend to be present?"

"Of course I'm present!"

She gives me a disbelieving eye. "You look like you'd rather be at home doing laundry."

I shrug a little. "I'm no good at this sort of thing, Chris. You know this."

I didn't even make preparations for my own wedding; Tobias and I had eloped, though not intentionally. He had had a rough day at work and he wanted to get away for a bit, so that night we got on the train and rode all the way to Amity. We made love in the gardens, under the stars, and Tobias just popped the question. There was a small church nearby with an overly eager priestess and we figured it was a sign.

All of our friends were mad at us after, but we didn't care. They would have wanted to throw an extravagant, over the top celebration and Tobias and I just weren't into that. Our wedding was just about us, as it should have been. As Dauntless as we both were, we were still Abnegation to our core.

"That is true," Christina admits with defeat plastered all over her face. "Have you at least found a date for the wedding yet?"

"I told you I'm taking Andy." When my feet begin to hurt, I take a seat across from Christina who is now trying on an eleventh pair of shoes. No one even comes to assist us. She frequents this boutique; everyone knows she'll take ten years before she picks something.

"He doesn't count," she says flatly. "You have to bring him regardless; he's the ring bearer. How about Derek? How are things going with you guys?"

I sigh loudly and press my chin into my palm. "First of all, there is no me and Derek." An important clarification. Derek Coleman has been after me for more than a year now, and he's been subtly hinting to people that he and I are an item. That's how Christina caught wind of it. I certainly never mentioned him.

"Not yet," Chris grins. "And that's only because you don't want there to be. No offence to my adorable fiancé but Derek is definitely Dauntless eye candy of the year, and he obviously has the hots for you. I can't believe he still hasn't asked you out."

"He has," I shrug. "Multiple times." And when Christina's eyes look like they're about to pop out of her skull, I immediately regret admitting that out loud.

"And you turned him down?!" she squeals so hard, I'm sure everyone within a mile radius hears her.

"Why would I accept, Chris?"

"Because it's Derek Coleman!" she waves the shoes in the air. "You know, the tall, green eyed, brown haired, rich Dauntless leader, bachelor, Derek Coleman!"

"And?" I sit up. "I told you I don't want to date anyone. That includes Derek Coleman."

I don't find Derek to be as gorgeous as everyone else does, but that might be because I know what an asshole he is. He was my trainer during my initiation, and then he worked with Tobias for some years. Now I have the sweet privilege of working with him. He's insubordinate and believes Dauntless begins and ends with him. He cheats on almost every woman who is stupid enough to get in a relationship with him, and he broke up with his last girlfriend of four years via text message.

Christina sighs. "I think he really likes you, Tris. He has never asked someone out more than once."

"Because I'm the only one who keeps telling him no," I almost laugh.

She pinches her eyebrows together. "Just how many times has he asked you out?"

"Too many to count," I admit reluctantly. He actually sent me a text message this morning. I didn't answer, especially since I don't recall ever giving him my number.

Letting out a breath, Christina puts the pair of shoes back where she had found them and then comes to take a seat beside me. She looks at me worriedly, and I already know what she's thinking. I've completely memorized the faces of people who pity me or who think it's about time I moved on.

"Could it hurt to give him a try, Tris?" she asks softly.

"Yes." I nod repeatedly.

"What do you have to lose?" she asks, her voice picking up in pitch and volume.

"My time," I roll my eyes at her. "My energy."

"It doesn't have to be anything serious, Tris," she whines, and she crosses her legs. Her pants are so tight I'm surprised she can even do that. "He's young, he's handsome… and rich!" she says through her teeth. And with a wink she adds, "And I heard he's amazing in bed."

I scoff. I haven't had sex in six months, but even I'm not that desperate. Sex with Derek could never be worth the drama I'm sure will come along with it. I can picture it now, him walking around Dauntless acting like he owns me. There's a certain arrogance to Derek, a smugness you only see when you trigger it, when you stroke his ego. I'm sorry; I'm not here for it.

"And who knows?" Christina continues. "Maybe things do work out; and he could really take care of you and Andy."

"Well that would be great if only Andy and I actually needed someone to take care of us," I answer sarcastically. "Besides, I don't introduce random guys to my son, Chris. You know this."

Andy is smart, but he's fragile. He constantly asks about his father and most times I don't know what to say to him. I think it would only confuse him more if he saw me with another man. It's always just been him and me, and the father he never knew.

"Listen," Christina puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I've been there, Tris. Believe me, I know how you feel. And I promise it gets better, but you have to make the first step," she hangs her head a little. "I thought I'd never be happy again after Will died in that crash… but I'm getting married in a month to an amazing man."

I'd tell her Derek Coleman is no Uriah Pedrad, but I guess that's not the point she's trying to make.

"One date. For me," she pleads. "As my wedding gift. Please." She presses her palm into mine and squeezes so tightly I know she's being earnest. Although her methods are usually questionable, Christina always means well.

"Okay. Fine," I decide to humour my best friend. Reluctantly.

She squeals again and bounces in the chair, this time with a wide smile.

"One date, Christina," I clarify, holding up a single finger. "And if I don't like it I'm not seeing him again."

"Okay," she grins. "But you have to be open, Tris. Don't shoot him down after the first three minutes of conversation."

"I'll try my best not to," I say wearily. I can barely stand to listen to him for a single minute during meetings.

Far more excited about this than she should be, Christina springs up from the seat. "Oh my God, what are you going to wear?!"

"Clothes?" I whisper to myself. I don't even know where he's taking me to begin with.

"We have to find something for you to wear!"

I stand in rebellion. "Are you kidding me?! It's almost time for me to pick up Andy. I have to drop him off at the babysitter because I have an emergency meeting at work in…" I check my watch. "An hour!"

To validate my point, the lights in the boutique flicker on and off for about ten seconds before they turn off completely. We've been having a lot of unexplained power surges lately. We stand in darkness until the emergency generator kicks in.

Christina takes off the minute she can see in front of her. "We won't take long!" She yells behind her and she quickly makes her way over to the clothing section of the boutique.

"Christina, you still haven't picked a shoe!"


I silently curse my best friend in my head.

"Of all the dresses you could have picked," I grumble to myself as I pull it down for the fifth time. The tiny, red dress keeps riding up when I walk, as if walking in these heels weren't hard enough already.

To be honest, I was afraid I'd be a bit overdressed, but Derek seems to have pulled out his best suit, and his shoes shine until I can see my own reflection in them.

"You said something?" Derek asks me with a smile. He is obviously elated that I finally agreed to go out with him. I've already decided that if he does or says anything to piss me off, I might mention that I only agreed to this date to make Christina happy. There's no way I'm letting this get to his head.

"No," I lie, then I press my lips back together. I have to remember to not bite them. I can't remember the last time I wore makeup or lipstick. Tobias always seemed to prefer me without it, but considering how Derek keeps staring at me, I guess he likes it. Surprisingly, he hasn't said much since he picked me up. I'll assume he's lost for words. It's either that or he fully enjoys the sound of my clanking heels echoing in the hallway.

I'm glad when we finally arrive at the restaurant, supposedly one of the best in Dauntless. It's new; I've never eaten here before.

From the outside it looks like any other room in the Pit. The door is nothing special, wooden and stained dark. But when we step inside my mouth falls open. The room is golden, with dimmed lights coming from the walls and three extravagant chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The tables are covered with a rich, wine coloured cloth, with the silver and glassware sparkling on top of it.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

I can only nod.

We're immediately greeted by a waiter with a wide smile, nothing like what you'd expect from the Dauntless. "Table for two, Mr. Coleman?"

"Of course," Derek answers with a nod, and we're immediately taken to a private table in the far corner, although there's only one other couple in the restaurant.

Derek takes his seat as the waiter flips our glasses over and fills them with cold water. I remember how Tobias would always pull my chair out for me every time he took me somewhere nice. He'd hold doors open for me and take my hand as I climbed the stairs. Dauntless is all about equality of the sexes, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss that good old Abnegation chivalry.

I take my seat and push my legs under the table. The dress feels even shorter and tighter now as I'm seated. I try to pull it down a little, but that makes the situation worse when my cleavage pops out a bit more.

Derek's eyes become fixated on my breasts for almost a full minute. That's when I decide to pick up the menu from the table to block his view. I shake my head, hoping that at least the food will be captivating tonight.

"See anything you like?" Derek finally wakes up, and he runs his hand through his dark brown hair. If anything, he does have nice hair. It's thick and fluffy, but smooth and shiny. Somehow I get the impression he uses a flat iron.

"Not yet," I answer. "But there are a lot of options. I'm sure I'll find something." Truth be told, I wasn't even looking at the food choices. I was looking at the prices. How can anyone even afford to eat here?

"Everything on that menu is sensational. I assure you," Derek says proudly. "This place has the best chefs in the city, and Amity provides the restaurant with only the best produce."

I raise an eyebrow, wondering what makes them so special. "Well the place is really nice," I admit softly. "You eat here often?"

"I do," he says chirpily. "My family owns it actually, this and several other restaurants."

"Well, your family does own half of Dauntless so… that's not saying much." I'm pretty sure Christina would kick me if she were here to hear that comment. I wouldn't have not said it though. I really couldn't resist.

"You're probably right," Derek blushes, seeming amused. "You know, we're actually discussing spreading our wings a bit. We have a small café in Erudite that's been doing exceptionally well, so a restaurant of this calibre is bound to be successful there. I hear the Erudite do enjoy fine dining."

He has this smug look on his face, as if he expects me to be impressed by the fortune he is to inherit when his grandparents finally decide to jump into the chasm together. When I'm obviously not impressed, he stares at me curiously.

I pull back my feet when I feel his inching suspiciously closer to mine.

"You haven't changed at all, you know," he smiles, displaying his rows of perfect teeth, and he slowly brings the glass of water to his mouth.

Peeling my eyes away from the menu, I look up at him sitting there in his fancy dark grey suit. I wonder where he gets this ridiculous notion that he knows me. He spent one half of my training trying to kill me, and the other half admiring me. No need to mention how his world was shattered when he found out Tobias and I were already an item, especially considering the two of them had an ongoing feud.

As I stare at him, I wonder what my late husband would think if he knew I was having dinner with Derek Coleman of all people. That is when I decide it's probably best if I just make it through the night and never see him again. At least Christina won't be able to say I didn't try.

"Has anyone ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are?" he says softly, and I regret staring at him. "They look grey sometimes, but they're really blue." He reaches over and touches my cheek; I feel my hair stand up, and not in a good way.

"And yours are just green," I answer too kindly, removing his hands from my face. "Like my brother's." Except it suits Caleb more.

Thankfully, Derek sits back in his chair, farther away from me. "I didn't know you have a brother."

"He lives in Erudite," I clarify. "Haven't seen him in years." Since my father's funeral to be precise.

"Oh," he frowns. "Well… I'm third generation Dauntless. All my family's here. I can't imagine what that must feel like, your parents in Abnegation and your brother in Erudite."

"Well it's just my mother in Abnegation," I say lowly. "My father had a heart attack about seven years ago. He didn't make it." Feeling a bit awkward, the way I always do when I talk about my father, I push my hair behind my ears.

"This is turning out to be a depressing topic," Derek sighs, and he runs his hand through his hair again. I guess he does that when he's nervous. That's strange; I didn't think he could get nervous. He always seems so sure of himself.

I laugh a little; his nervousness has been the most real thing about him all night.

"Well tell me about work." I humour him and I set the menu down on the table, deciding I'll order whatever I feel like in the moment.

"Well, I certainly prefer to be having dinner with you than being at work," he smiles. "It's nice to take a break sometimes. The job can be hectic… especially now with all these security threats."

"Oh, I know," I say levelly. Derek is head of security at Dauntless.

Incidentally, that was Tobias' job before he died. He had a lot of sleepless nights, countless security threats, factionless gangs making trouble, emergency meetings. He was offered the position after he successfully identified Erudite spies in Dauntless and foiled an atrocious plan of the Erudite leader to wipe out Abnegation. She wanted to take control and rid the city of people like me and Tobias- Divergent they called it. It happened just before I transferred. By the time I got here, Dauntless had a whole new set of leaders since the old ones were corrupt. I felt so proud when I found out the man I loved hadn't only waited two years for me, he was a celebrated hero.

"Yeah," Derek says, sounding defeated. "I'm sure you do."

I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about work, but what else would we talk about? We have absolutely nothing in common.

The waiter saves me from despair when he returns to take our orders. And thankfully there's only another twenty minutes of awkward conversation and Derek talking about himself before the food arrives.

I eat quickly, wanting badly to be in my own apartment, in my own bed. I keep thinking about Andy, but he loves his babysitter so much I'm sure he hardly notices I'm gone. Either way, I use him as an excuse when Derek asks me why I can't stay out a little later. He's at least decent enough to not push it.

It's a slow walk home, but I bear it, knowing it will ultimately come to an end. And the second I see my door, I suddenly feel more comfortable and the air feels so much fresher. I do my best to try and hide my elation from Derek. It doesn't change anything, but he was at least nice tonight.

"For what it's worth I'm really glad you agreed to go out with me tonight," he says as we stand in front of my door. "I thought you'd never say yes."

"I had a nice time." It's a stretch, but it was more good than bad, far more than I had expected from him to be honest.

But obviously I've been too kind; without warning, Derek claims my face and crashes his lip into mine. I try to pull away but he only brings me in closer, almost refusing to let go. It feels wrong and forced, and his lips feel painfully unfamiliar.

With both hands, I push him away from me. He's strong, but he backs off. "I'm sorry, Derek. I can't," I say forcefully and I shake my head at him. I shouldn't be the one apologizing, but somewhere inside me I feel like I'm the one who did something wrong.

Derek, for some reason, seems surprised, as if he didn't just kiss me without my permission. It doesn't take long for me to see he's offended.

"You know," he begins, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. "One day you're gonna have to move on, Tris. But I can't wait for you forever."

And there it is, the Derek I'm all too familiar with. The one who's too forward, the one who expects women to throw themselves at him without a second thought because of who he is. The one who obviously is not used to people saying no to him.

"Nobody asked you to wait for me," I scowl at him, disgusted.

"I know," he says firmly. "I made that decision. Still… I just thought you should know that. Anyway, goodnight." Agitated, he takes another step away from me, but he doesn't leave.

I don't answer him. I don't know if he's expecting me to beg him to stay. What for?

Easily, I turn around and open the door and step inside my apartment.

Andy is still watching TV with Lila. He smiles and jumps off the sofa as he sees me. "Mommy's home!" he yells. But his smile fades as he peeps through the door and sees Derek still standing outside. Without a second thought I close it behind me, pretending there's no one out there. Good riddance.

"Why aren't you in bed, young man?" I swallow my displeasure with Derek to greet my son.

Andy runs to me and I pick him up in my arms. He's going to be tall like his father. Soon I won't be able to hold him. "I waited up for you," he smiles, and I look at the clock questioningly. It's almost eleven o' clock.

"Sorry, Mrs. Eaton," Lila says groggily as she makes her way toward us. "This was going to be our last movie before bed. He's already showered and changed, and he ate all his supper."

"It's okay," I smile, knowing how my son can be. I pray for the day he sleeps through the night. "Thank you, Lila. I'll transfer the credits first thing in the morning."

"It's no problem at all," she says with relief, pulling her blonde hair up in a ponytail. She looks more tired than I do. "I'll see myself out."

"And let's take you to bed." I tickle Andy and his sweet giggles fill the apartment. I carry him to his room and set him down on his bed; he's already in his pyjamas.

"Who was that man outside?" Andy asks as I tuck him in.

"Nobody, Baby." I shake my head. I rub my hand over his hair; it's dark like Tobias'. Truth be told, Andy looks more and more like Tobias every day.

"Was that Derek?"

I sit up and I pinch my eyebrows together. "How do you know him?"

"He came to my school… He said he wanted to be my friend."

I don't know what business Derek has at a preschool, or why he thought it was okay to introduce himself to my son. It makes me even more pissed off at him than I already am. One thing's for sure, he's a problem I might have just made worse.

"Well… speaking of school," I change the topic, "which you have in the morning, it's time for bed."

"Goodnight, Mommy," Andy says, holding on tight to Dino, his precious stuffed dinosaur.

"Goodnight, Baby."

I kiss his forehead, right between his eyes, and he's fast asleep before I know it. Careful not to wake him up, I get up from the bed and pull the door. I always leave it cracked so a little light gets in.

I'm inside my own bedroom and barely out of my dress when my phone begins to vibrate in my purse. I pull it out to see a message from Christina.

10:45pm Chris: How did it go?

I sigh. Sitting on the bed, I think of how to summarize my night, but when I look at the time I realize I simply don't have the energy. Funny, considering I'm pretty sure I told Christina Derek would be a waste of my time and energy.

10:46pm Tris: Just got in. Getting ready for bed. Tomorrow?

10:46pm Chris: First thing! I want all the details! Xoxo

"Great," I mumble to myself. Now I'll have to relive that.

After I change, I climb into the right side of the bed; I lie on my side and stare over at the empty half of it. My heart feels heavy, and when I look at his picture on the vanity, I can't stop the tears from coming; they always do. No one understands that this is why I don't want to see anyone, because all I ever do is compare them to Tobias and they never measure up. Seeing someone else only reminds me that I haven't moved on as much as I tell myself I have.

I don't know if my heart will ever open up again but I don't think it could, because it already belongs to someone, the only person on this planet who I believe was made for me and only me. Divergent, Abnegation, Dauntless; no one could ever understand me like he could. The depth of love Tobias and I shared makes everything else feel so shallow. So why bother?