"Blaine, we need to talk about Sam." Kurt announced over breakfast. Blaine paused his chewing, confused. Had something happened last night. Blaine quickly swallowed and spoke.
"I saw you together last night. It looked like you two were enjoying each other. Did something happen?"
"He seemed out of sorts."
"He seemed all sorts of enjoyment last night. Are you sure?"
"For the one doing the psychology degree you can be completely oblivious."
"I suppose he has been awfully quiet recently. I just assumed it was because he was giving me space after my mother. I suppose it was weird he didn't offer to come over. What did he say?"
"Elliot said he wanted to be punished really badly. When I spoke to him, he seemed mopey."
"I can give him a call, see if he wants to come over." Blaine reached for his phone and dialled. Kurt listened to the conversation while he poured a bowl of cereal.
"Hey Sam… how's it going? Yeah Mum's doing well, she's with Dad now…. they are planning on coming back this week… yeah both of them together, crazy right? Look, I was calling to see if you wanted to come over today…. What do you have on instead?... right…. Netflix…what show… I suppose it's pretty addictive… what about this afternoon? No?"
"Oh, give me the phone." Kurt snatched the phone from Blaine and pressed it to his ear. "Sam if you are telling me you would rather binge watch Netflix then come over and see your friend, I will march down there right now and cut every single wire from your television and wife modem."
"Oh…. Hi Kurt." Sam sounded sheepish through the phone line.
"That's Apprentice K to you if you don't get your ass here by one o'clock today."
"Ok, ok, just… don't tell Mr E about my Netflix binge, alright?"
"We'll see about that." Kurt hung up on Sam with a self-satisfied smirk.
"You are scary when you're in control." Blaine stared, a little turned on.
"That is nothing. You should have seen me the day my dad mixed his grease covered car rags with my designer shirts." He would have only been fifteen or sixteen, but he had screamed with the lung capacity of an adult gorilla. Blaine stared in horror at the image of Kurt over the washing machine holding his ruined clothing.
"And your dad is still alive after that incident?"
"He had a heart attack the next week. We can joke about it now."
"I've still got to meet your Dad."
"I know you do." Kurt sung. Normally one would be nervous about introducing their boyfriend to their father, but Kurt was not nervous at all, well, perhaps a little nervous, only if Burt asked him where the two of them met. Then things could get awkward rather quickly.
The boys studied until one in the afternoon, and by study, they actually studied. Blaine had an essay to write and Kurt was planning costume designs for one of his assignments. They swapped papers and proofread each other's work. The system worked well, more so for Blaine, as Kurt was far better at picking up errors than Blaine was.
At precisely one o'clock there was a buzz of a doorbell. Sam was here.
"I hope I am on time." Sam moped with a sad expression. He wore ripped jeans and a white t-shirt. Blaine wrapped him up in a hug.
"It's so good to see you." Blaine was oblivious to the miserable expression on his face. He was just glad to see his friend. Sam offered a weak smile.
"Good to see you too. How was your trip? I'm sorry I've been a terrible friend. Oh, hi Kurt."
"Hi Sam." Kurt was in the kitchen, pouring the three of them some soda.
"The trip was brilliant." Blaine replied, excitedly. "Well, once my mother was stable, we got to sight see."
"Blaine was a nervous wreck." Kurt corrected, handing them a glass each. "His mother is lovely, however."
"She is." Sam agreed. "She's the one that got me interested in unconventional art mediums."
"Don't tell me you're still doing macaroni art." Blaine rolled his eyes with a sigh. "This man almost got expelled from stealing pasta from the kitchens."
"Hey, if I recall correctly, you helped me."
"Only because if I didn't you threatened to glue macaroni onto my blazer."
"Exactly, it's called experimental art." Sam began to nudge Blaine in the ribs and the boys rough housed around the apartment. Sam was a head taller and had the advantage, pinning Blaine's hands behind his back. Blaine kicked Sam in the shins and twisted himself free. Sam somehow managed to crush Blaine onto the apartment floor and straddle him, pinning his hands to his sides.
"Help me Kurt!" Blaine laughed as he struggled under Sam's weight. Sam's thighs were crushing Blaine's hips. Sam's solid chest was pressed up against Blaine's back making it hard to breath.
"Oh, no, I'm staying out of this one."
"But he was going to glue macaroni to my blazer. How can you stand by and let that injustice happen?"
"It never happened." Sam corrected; his laughter blew behind Blaine's ear. He shuffled himself so Blaine could pull and arm free and un-stabilise Sam. Blaine wrapped his legs around Sam's waist as they toppled sideways. Kurt watched the boy's wrestle, smiling as they laughed and grunted as if they were two carefree schoolboys.
"You've lost your touch, Blaine." Sam laughed despite Blaine having him wrapped up in his arms. "I'm practically letting you win this."
"Oh yeah?" Blaine grappled a little more, but Sam easily wriggled out of his grip. Once again, Blaine was pinned with Sam's entire body weight crushing him. there was no way Blaine could escape. Sam had his wrapped up in his arms and his legs hooked around his hips.
"Kurt, help me."
"Blaine has some ropes in his bedroom, we could hog tie him." Kurt offered to Sam.
"Not the sort of help I meant, Kurt." Blaine growled.
"I think I'll leave that between you and Blaine. I don't want to know what you two get up to in the bedroom." Sam laughed and Blaine still struggled against Sam's anaconda like grip.
"Let me go."
"What's the magic word?"
"Thor is way better than Superman." Blaine sighed through gritted teeth. It sounded like that had been the magic words for quite a while. That seemed to do the trick and Sam released his grip and helped Blaine to his feet.
"Hold on, so you think Thor is better than Superman?" Kurt asked Sam incredulously.
"See, thank you, my point exactly!" Blaine raised his hands to the ceiling as if he were being heard for the first time.
"Are you kidding? Thor is literally a God. Superman is a space orphan."
"Superman actually lives on Earth and saves it far more times than Thor does. Thor just zooms around space on his hammer. When he has abs like that and still can't keep a girl interested, he's either got a terrible personality or a terrible something else." Blaine sassed.
Kurt noticed how Sam's face dropped. All the fight left him in an instant. Sam slumped down into the kitchen chair and rubbed his abs absentmindedly. Blaine was oblivious and continued to ramble about how Clark Kent fought for Louis Lane no matter what. Kurt ignored Blaine and reached a hand across to Sam's. His was clenched in a fist. Kurt gripped it tight until Sam was forced to look him in the eye.
"Sam?" Sam's puppy dog eyes were full of sadness. His thick lips were bitten down into two thin lines. He looked like he was on the verge of crying. "What I'm sensing here is that Thor might not be the only one with girl problems? Boy problems?" After seeing the two of them wrestling Kurt wasn't sure.
"Girl." Sam corrected.
"A breakup?"
"Yeah."
"Well, unlike Thor, I can vouch for you when I say you have great abs, a great personality and I've seen enough of your equipment to know that's more than adequate, so, what happened?" Kurt's words made Sam blush and he burrowed his head into the crook of his elbow. Blaine had finally realised that no one was listening to him rant on about the powers of Superman and sat beside his friend.
"She broke up with me." Sam sobbed, not raising his head.
"I'll get us some ice-cream." Blain sighed, dished out three bowls of double chocolate chip, jammed some tim-tams on top, followed by a sprinkling of M&M's. By the time he returned Sam had lifted his head and wiped his puffy eyes.
"I didn't know you were dating anyone." Blaine was surprised.
"She wanted to keep it secret. She's ah… in the music industry, she's becoming quite a star."
"That's incredible, Sam." Blaine said.
"What happened?" Kurt pushed.
"Did she find out about the club?" Blaine interrupted again. Kurt whacked him across the chest.
"You are going to make a terrible therapist if you keep interrupting." He hissed.
"Sorry." They turned back to Sam.
"Well, we never really… did anything." Sam confessed. "She was saving herself."
"Well, we can cross one possible cause off our list." Kurt muttered.
"So that just leaves my abs or my personality." Sam cried with a mouthful of ice-cream. It dribbled down his chin like an ugly break up scene.
"Sam, you are more than just those three things." Blaine said with his own mouth full of ice-cream.
"Did she give you a reason?"
"She's going on tour. She didn't want to do long distance. But I was like 'I can wait for you.' And she's like 'no, don't wait for me.' What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know." Blaine wasn't much help. Kurt rolled his eyes.
"It means that she's trying to let you down gently by not giving you a clean break."
"Sam, how close were you to this girl?" Blaine asked.
"We were roommates for a bit."
"Have you invited her to the club? Have I met her?"
"No, you haven't met her. no, she doesn't even know I go to the club."
"Sam, I am disappointed in you." Kurt scolded. "How could you hide something like that from your girlfriend?"
"She never wanted…"
"It was a rhetorical question Sam, there is literally no excuse for your deception."
"Kurt's right." Blaine agreed. "Couples who can't have an open dialogue about sex and sexuality don't tend to have healthy relationships."
"It doesn't matter now. It's over."
"Punishing yourself is not the way forward." Kurt spoke with seriousness. Sam knew what he was talking about, even if Blaine raised an eyebrow quizzically.
"Then what do I do?"
"Retail therapy, duh." Kurt answered as if it were the answer to all life's problems.
"Does this make my butt look big?" Sam ummed and ahh'ed for the fourth time.
"I don't know what the correct answer to this is." Blaine whispered across to Kurt. "Does he want his but to look big or not?"
"I think if we say it's model-worthy, that's a more diplomatic response." Kurt whispered back. If Kurt thought he was fussy with his clothing, he was nothing compared to Sam. The boy had gone through almost every item of clothing in the store and only picked two shirts after four hours of shopping.
"I could see you modelling in them." Blaine praised. Sam grinned from the change room before closing the curtain again. Kurt and Blaine high fived. That made three items in four hours. The boys leant against one another in the waiting seats.
"You should try on that blazer." Kurt mused, gesturing to a crushed blue velvet lined suit.
"What? No."
"I'm serious, you will look dashing, please."
"I think it's more your style." Blaine objected.
"For God's sake Blaine, just try it on." Sam called from the changeroom. That was all the permission Kurt needed to not only grab the blazer from the hanger but an entire new outfit. He shoved the shirt, pants and blazer into Blaine's arms and directed him to the single change room.
"Sam, open up, I'm sending him in."
"What, can't he just wait?"
"We've got one more hour until shops close and four more shops I want to get to. You brought this upon yourself when you spent ten minutes contemplating which shade of blue works best with your butt." Without any further warning Kurt opened the changeroom door and shoved Blaine inside.
"Remind me to never shop with Kurt again."
"I can hear you." Kurt called from the other side of the door. Blaine stood facing Sam who was shirtless and admiring himself in the mirror. Blaine stood in the small space with his outfit in his hands.
"You don't mind, do you?"
"Are you kidding, we shared a dorm room, remember." Sam laughed. "I have to admit, that is a nice vest."
"Stop making out you two and get changed." Kurt barked from the other side of the door.
"But I just can't keep my hands off of your boyfriend." Sam joked. "Oh Blaine, take it all off."
"Sam!" Blaine laughed as Sam lifted his shirt. Blaine batted his hands out of the way but played along. "Oh, Sam, what hard abs you have." Blaine teased, he had one eye on Sam's chest, as he called through the door to Kurt. "What strong biceps you have." Sam flexed to match Blaine's words, miming body building actions. "Oh Sam, what a thick hard co-"
"Alright, we get the picture!" Kurt interrupted. Sam and Blaine broke down into laughter. Blaine flopped his head onto Sam's chuckling chest and the boy's embraced quickly in their success in stirring up Kurt.
"Are you sure you don't want to join us Kurt?" Sam continued to tease. He began to hum strip teasing music. Blaine stripped his shirt off and waved it above his head where he knew Kurt could see it.
"Guys I'm getting very strange looks from the store clerk."
"It's because your blushing brighter than a stoplight." Blaine wiggled a bare ankle from under the change room door. He rolled it around as sexily as one could roll an ankle. It was terribly unsexy.
"How do you know I'm blushing." Kurt protested, feeling his cheeks. They were burning hot. It was a mute question. They both knew Kurt blushed at anything.
"Because I can see your glow from here." Blaine replied.
"Dum, dah, dah, dah, dahdum." Sam tossed his jeans over the door. From where Blaine was standing, he had full view of Sam in his underwear slut dropping and doing his signature stripper moves.
"How on earth do you drop that low?" Blaine attempted to copy Sam, wobbled and fell back into the wall.
"You're skipping leg day, aren't you?"
"Kurt likes my chest." Blaine admitted. He had been focusing on that. Sam shot his hand forward and pinched Blaine's nipple with a twist.
"Ouch!"
"That's for skipping leg day."
"Kurt, he pinched my nipple!"
"You probably deserved it." Kurt sighed. "I'm coming in whether your dressed or not." Kurt opened the changeroom door without warning catching both boys in a state of half dress. Sam had one leg in his pants and Blaine was buttoning up his new shirt. Kurt took a moment to appreciate the view.
"Oh, hi Kurt." Blaine's buttons were askew. Kurt rolled his eyes and fixed him up and added the blazer. "Very dashing. You're getting these." Kurt sung, proud of his choices. "Now, get changed back into your clothes, Sam come with me, you're getting both of these pants."
Sam zipped his fly, shrugged on his shirt and followed Kurt to the front of the store. Kurt pecked Blaine with a kiss, hooked his arm around Sam's and lead the boy to the cashier.
"Thankyou." Sam said. "I appreciate what both of you are doing for me."
"Sam, forgive me for prying but you seem far more comfortable around guys than girls. Is there more to this breakup than your telling us?"
"What? No, don't be ridiculous." Sam scoffed and handed the cashier his card to pay.
"So why didn't you tell her about Mr E or the club?"
"She's… not that sort of person."
"What do you mean?"
"She's very conservative… saving herself. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. I just…" Sam blabbered, flustering for the right words.
"Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. It's almost like you've chosen someone to be in a relationship who cannot reciprocate physical intimacy. Coincidence?"
"You need to stop reading Blaine's psychology books. Oh, what about that girl that works with Blaine. Demi? Danni?"
"Danni but she's a lesbian. See, this is what I'm talking about, your picking girls that aren't physically available. You know, gender and sexuality aren't black and white, you could be somewhere on the spectrum."
"Well, he's certainly on some sort of spectrum." Blaine teased, surprising Sam from behind. The comment earnt him a nudge in the ribs.
"Oh, is that why there's a rainbow flag?" Sam gasped as if he had figured something out. "Like a spectrum of light?" Kurt and Blaine both thought for a moment and shrugged.
"Sure, why not." Blaine agreed, dumped his vest and jacket on the countertop and paid. After their shenanigans in the changerooms there wasn't much time to shop anywhere else.
The boys decided to call it a night. Blaine and Sam returned to their apartments. Kurt returned to his with a disappointing small loot after an entire evening of shopping. When he turned the key into the lock and trundled through the apartment door, he was met by Santana standing with arms folded across her chest. Her face was furious.
"Kurt. We need to talk."
