Chapter 10
TRIS
"You're just going to starve yourself to death? Is that your master plan?"
I stare down at Tobias who is staring back at me, defiantly at that. He sits on the floor like an angry child, with his legs crossed and his hands cuffed in front of him. He has no reason to be on the floor; there's a bed in the corner, a bed he obviously slept in. His breakfast is untouched, sitting on a plate on the table beside the lamp, and there I am, carrying his lunch in my hands.
He doesn't answer me. In fact, he spent most of the morning refusing to speak to me.
"You don't have to talk, but you do need to eat, Tobias." He really does. All his late nights and stressful days at work had landed him several bad episodes of heartburn. It usually didn't bother him as long as he ate on time.
"You need to let me go," he demands as I set the plate of food next to him.
"Well, I can't do that."
But what can I do? I didn't actually consider what I'd do with him after stealing him back from Evelyn. It's not like I can force his memories back inside his head, especially since he's refusing to even consider the possibility that his mother might have lied to him. Or maybe he has and he just won't admit it; more than once his eyes have contradicted his mouth. Besides, not once has he tried to hurt me, and to me that says much. I've seen my husband fight; even with his hands bound, he could take me down in all of three seconds.
"At least drink some water," I say quietly, and I pull a bottle of cold water out of my knapsack. He doesn't take it.
I'm about to chastise him when I hear a loud knock at the front door of the safe house. It's a special knock- three times and then a pause, then twice, and then four times. The knock, along with three high-security doors, are to ensure that movement in and out of this place can only be achieved by a very specific group of people. Namely, the leaders of Dauntless. Even if someone were to happen upon it, they could never get in, especially if it were locked from the inside.
"I'll be right back," I say to Tobias, and I set the bottle of water on the ground next to him.
I open the first door and then the second, and I peep through the tiny hole in the third door. Zeke, I expected to see, but not, "Harrison!" I cry out his name and I open the door with both fear and excitement. I'm not sure it's a good or a bad thing he's here.
"Tris," he smiles and nods. Zeke stands to his right and Christina to his left. I didn't expect to see her either.
"At least he hasn't killed you. That's a good sign," Zeke says, only partly joking.
"That's not funny, Zeke," Christina says, pushing him from beside her. She walks inside and pulls me into a tight hug. "Are you okay?" she asks. She looks worried, maybe a lot more worried than she should be.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I say.
"Let's get inside," Harrison says, and he walks in and closes the large metal door behind him.
"Harry, what are you doing here?" I ask him as I punch in the codes for the second door. "You can get in trouble for even talking to me."
"I had to see him for myself," he whispers as we make our way toward the room at the back.
After the last door opens, we all walk slowly into the dark room, but Harrison moves the slowest, staring at the man he once called son, the man whose eulogy he bravely stood up and read as if it weren't the most heart breaking thing he'd ever done in his life.
He inches closer and closer, until he's standing right in front of him, until the light from the lamp maps out every square inch of his face.
"F-Four?" He stammers.
"Why do you all keep addressing me as a fucking number?" Tobias growls from the floor, looking entirely unamused.
To my surprise, Harrison smiles. "Oh, it's him all right." He looks at the bottle of water on the ground and then at the untouched meal just sitting beside him.
"He's refusing to eat," I mention to them.
Zeke laughs, deep and loud. "He won't keep that up." He pushes his hands inside his pockets and leans against the wall.
Tobias passes Zeke a death glare, and Zeke only smiles in return.
"Don't antagonize him," I plead, hiding a small smile. "He's already being difficult as is." But Zeke means no harm. He's just glad his best friend is alive.
Still standing by the door is Christina. She looks concerned, though more for me than she does Tobias. I suddenly wonder why she came along with them. I don't think she was in agreement with us capturing Tobias, much less me staying with him.
"Not that I'm not glad you're all here, but what's going on?"
They all exchange glances with each other, as if deciding who will answer.
Zeke loses.
"We need to get you out of here," he says. "Now. Chad already gave up your position. Derek will be here in a few hours."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I wail. "It only took him all of twelve hours to open his mouth?!"
"We all knew Chad would be a problem, Tris," Zeke says levelly. "The second he saw Four it was over."
"We have much bigger problems than Chad," Christina says, rolling her eyes at Zeke. She leans on the doorpost and crosses her arms. She looks at me and says, "The factionless hideout we raided has been deserted. Evelyn and her men are nowhere to be found, sort of like you and Four, and that paints a very ugly picture. Derek is calling for Four's head. And he wants you brought in for questioning ASAP."
"Why?"
"You know why, Tris," Christina says exasperatedly. "Chad is telling everyone you're a traitor and that Four is alive and working with the factionless, who just happen to have a shitload of our artillery. He's already advertising your leadership position and he's riling up the faction against you. He wants you tried for treason and is under the impression that he alone will be judge and jury."
Harrison nods. He turns to look at me. "It is one of the greatest shit storms I've ever seen, second only to the shit storm Max left in his wake."
"I've done nothing wrong!" I exclaim. "And he is innocent, Harry." I point at Tobias, who only sits there looking up at us as if we were speaking a language foreign to his own.
"You and I both know that. Everybody in this room knows that," Harrison shakes his head. "But Derek and Chad aren't for it, not with Four being alive. Especially Derek, for reasons I'm sure you can imagine."
I gasp and I forget to close my mouth. "Are you kidding me?!" But of course Derek Coleman would detest my husband being alive, for too many reasons to mention, me being one of them.
"Derek hasn't said anything official," Christina interjects. "I think he's giving you a chance to bring yourself in." She finally steps inside the room and, softly, she rests a hand on my left shoulder. "There's still a chance for you, Tris. You helped us escape. Derek will help you if you let him."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Zeke and Harrison exchange a glance. I don't need to imagine what they're thinking.
"I can't do that, Chris." I shake my head.
"So how do you expect to get yourself out of this?"
"We get the information we need and we get to the bottom of whatever's happening so that the right people pay for it."
"And how do you suppose we get it, Tris?" She sounds frustrated.
"We could start by asking him," Harrison answers for me. He's looking right at Tobias. I'm not even sure we should be having this conversation in front of him. In the event that he does escape, the last thing I need is for Evelyn to know I'm on the run. She'll hunt me down like an animal.
Zeke laughs again and he sits himself on the bed; he's seemingly too well relaxed considering the situation we're in. "Who? This stubborn fuck?" Zeke looks at Tobias. "You're not getting anything out of him."
I'm inclined to agree with Zeke. Tobias isn't ready to talk, not yet at least. Still, Harrison asks him, "Four, what is Evelyn really doing? Is she planning some sort of attack? And how did you even end up there?"
Tobias looks up, his dark blue eyes dancing over all of us. "And why exactly do you think I would answer any of your ridiculous questions?"
"Like I said," Zeke mutters.
Harrison slowly crouches down until he's almost eye to eye with Tobias. "Because we're on your side, Four, even though you don't know it yet."
Tobias scoffs, and then he laughs and it echoes in the room. "The Dauntless are only ever on the side they think is most beneficial to them."
"Who told you that shit?" Harrison says lowly.
"Probably the same person who told him his last name was Johnson," Zeke answers from the bed.
Tobias shakes his head at us, his face cold and hard. "You know, people will be looking for me."
"Those people aren't your friends, Four," Zeke says solemnly; his face is as serious as it's been since he set foot inside this place. "We are your friends."
"I don't associate with tyrants," Tobias says gravely.
Zeke swallows hard, looking his best friend in the eye. "I told you," he says to Harrison who is still crouched down in front of Tobias. "We won't get anything out of him. We need to find and interrogate Evelyn."
"Am I the only one who thought she was dead?" Christina asks. Unfortunately, it's not a rhetorical question, and the answer is yes, in this room, she is. Both Zeke and Harrison knew Evelyn was alive and had reached out to Tobias.
"Well the dead just keep coming back to life lately," Zeke saves us all, answering her question without actually answering it. Zeke loves Chris like a sister and he knows she'd feel hurt if she realized he was keeping secrets from her, even if they weren't his to share.
Christina shakes her head and gently tugs my arm. When she walks through the door of the small room, I follow her into the corridor.
"Tris, I am begging you to come home," she softly pleads. "This could get very ugly and you will be at the centre of it. I know what you're trying to do… but you have to consider that it might not work. He is not cooperating. This is not the Four we know. And you need to really think about the consequences of what you're doing to figure out if it's really worth it. There'll be no one to save you if this goes too far, and then you'll both be gone."
"I don't expect you to understand," I whisper. I don't think the words through, they just come out of my mouth because deep down that's how I really feel.
Christina takes a step back. "You don't expect me to understand?" her mouth hangs open. "Really, Tris?" She shakes her head at me and she looks at me with eyes I don't recognize. "You are unbelievable. Do you know that? You're not the only one who lost someone in that crash, Tris!"
Livid, Christina turns around and makes her way toward the exit.
"Chris, wait!" I chase after her, and I grab her by the elbow.
She spins around and yells at me. "You think I can't see right through you?! I know what you think about me and Uriah. That we just ended up together by default, because we were both desperate and tired of being lonely. And it wasn't like that! And it's unfair for you to act like that's what it was, because it wasn't!" she repeats.
"I never said that!" I yell back.
"You don't have to, Tris! I see the way you look at us when we're together. How do you think that makes me feel? Knowing my own best friend can't find it in her heart to be happy for me?!"
"I am happy for you, Christina!" I exclaim. "I just…," I choke over my words. "I don't know how you do it… and I wish I could." I shrug. "Don't you think I want to move on? I've tried and I can't. There's just something inside me that refuses to let him go. I want so badly to find happiness again, but… I can't seem to." I wipe away the tear rolling down my cheek. "Every morning I wake up and there is a hole in my chest, Chris. And he's here. He's standing right in front of me! Why would I walk away from him now?"
Christina nods slowly, but she seems more disappointed than sympathetic. "Tell Zeke I'll find my own way back," and she turns around and leaves.
A part of me wants to chase after her, but what would I say? I'm not leaving Tobias and I don't expect her to understand, though maybe not in the way she interpreted it. I've never judged her and Uriah, I might have even envied them from time to time. But Christina and I are different; she's open and trusting, she's an explorer even when it comes to things of the heart. She's not afraid to test the waters to see what suits her best. I've already found what suits me best, and nothing else fits. How do I even begin to explain that without sounding pitiful or weak?
"Hey," I hear Zeke say from behind me. I turn around and find him standing in the corridor, staring at me tenderly. I wonder how much of that conversation he heard. "You ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
Tobias is awake, but not that much awake that he could run. I don't know what Harrison gave him, but it made him weak enough that we could relocate him without much of a struggle. We're at one of the bunkers now, much closer to the city, but underground, beneath one of the old commercial centers. There's so much rubble and overgrown bush, to find the entrance, you'd have to know exactly where it was.
Zeke and I wait for Harrison outside. We lean against the front wall of the broken down building; Zeke sips on a bottle of water. It's almost sunset and the view is serene. The whole place is quiet until we hear the sound of rocks and broken cement crunching underneath Harrison's feet.
As he steps through what used to be a doorway, he says, "Oh, the irony. Four actually had this place built."
I pinch my eyebrows together. "In the middle of nowhere and under a building?"
Harrison shrugs. "It's one of many. At least you won't run out of places to take him if Chad is ever on your tail."
"Paranoid son of a bitch thought of everything," Zeke mumbles beside me with a smirk.
It's not a lie. Tobias' paranoia is what made him so good at his job. He could find loopholes and security threats just by thinking too hard, and then he'd stay up all night writing, only to add a paragraph or two to the Dauntless security protocol. I don't know how many bunkers and safe houses he had placed around the city. And he never did tell me why, he just joked about it once and said, "Baby, one day you might be on the run, and I need to know you'll have somewhere to go."
Somehow, I don't think he was joking anymore.
Coming to stand between me and Zeke, Harrison rests his back against the wall. He pulls out his box of cigarettes and he sticks one in his mouth. Reaching in his pocket for his lighter, he says, "Christina's right, you know. Running makes you look guilty."
I give him a side eye. I, at least, didn't expect to hear that from him.
"And my other options?" I ask flatly. "Lay them out for me, Harry. Do you want me to take him to Dauntless where they will ultimately execute him because he's not in a position to defend himself? I damn well wasn't going to leave him with Evelyn. And we talked about this already," I turn my head back forward. "You knew I was taking him away from there."
"I did," Harrison nods, blowing out smoke through his mouth. "What I didn't know is that Chad would pressure Derek into a treason charge."
Zeke huffs. "You're good for kidnapping but not aiding and abetting?"
I sulk. I'd like to think of this as more like an intervention than a kidnapping.
"On the contrary, I am good for it," Harrison answers. "I'm sure as hell not letting them execute either of you, so we're about to step into a world of chaos where the Dauntless leaders are divided; that never ends well for our faction. The Dauntless are practically incited by chaos."
"We outnumber them three to two," I say to Harrison and Zeke nods. "We can maintain control. Besides, I'm not afraid of Derek and Chad."
"Well you should be," Harrison warns casually. "Together, they're capable of a lot more damage than you could imagine, especially with Chad behind the wheel." He turns to me. "I'd do anything for you, Tris, and Four. But he wouldn't want you taking these kinds of risks. Especially not for him."
"But deep down he'd be so damn proud of you," Zeke butts in, looking at neither of us and sipping on his bottle of water. "And Harrison knows that."
Harrison raises both arms in the air, a sign of defeat, and he jumps into the driver's side of the truck and starts the engine. My eyes follow him curiously. I never expected him to be entirely okay with this, but I never thought he'd actually discourage me either.
"Ignore Harry," Zeke says, pushing himself up off the wall. "He's just worried."
"And you're not?"
"What I'm not is surprised," he smiles. "If there was one thing Four couldn't shut up about, it was how grateful he was for you. You were always in his corner, unconditionally and wholeheartedly. And no matter how much of yourself you had to give up, you'd do it over and over again for him."
"Really?" I raise an eyebrow. "He used to give me hell for it." Almost every day.
"But he loved you for it," Zeke says seriously. "Now keep your chin up and your eyes open." He playfully brushes his finger underneath my chin.
"Okay," I smile.
"And stay put," he warns. "If anything happens, we'll give you a heads up. If you need me or if you have to leave the bunker, let me know; there should be a radio inside. Code names only, and stay on my emergency frequency."
Unlike Harrison, Zeke has no reservations about this. He wants Tobias back as much as I do, and he knows if anyone is to bring him back, it will be me.
"Thanks, Zeke," I say to him just as he gently pulls me into a hug. "I'm sleeping at my mother's. That's the only time I leave."
"Okay. Bring our boy home, Tris," he whispers, just before climbing into the passenger's side of the truck and driving off with Harrison.
Christina had asked me once if I was sure Zeke didn't have feelings for me. I told her it didn't matter if he did. Not only was he married, but he blamed himself for my husband's death, a man who was his best friend, his brother. Zeke could never look at me and not see Tobias, or the pain in my eyes. Besides, he knew who my heart would always belong to. So it didn't matter at all. It doesn't matter.
I feel triumphant when Tobias finally recovers from whatever drug they had given him, and the first thing he asks for is food. Maybe he had forgotten he was supposed to be starving himself to death, or maybe the burning in his stomach finally became unbearable. Either way, I don't bother him; I just place his food on the table and leave him to eat.
This room is a lot brighter than the last one, with white light panels lining the ceiling. It's also a lot bigger and much more equipped. There's a bedroom, bathroom, a small kitchen, and an empty spare room. There's a gas generator inside, a small fridge, an electric stove, some canned food and bottled water. We could stay here considerably longer than we would have been able to at the safe house. There's only one door, but it has a thirteen digit password; and there's also the fact that Chad has no idea this bunker even exists.
"Your friend is right," Tobias says out of nowhere. "I'm not the person you remember." But he holds his fork the very same way, and he chews ever so slowly, methodically, almost as if he were counting. He sits straight up, with his free hand on his lap; never on the table. It's one of the many invisible scars his father inflicted on him.
"In some ways you are." When I smile at him from across the table he looks at me curiously, and then he diverts his eyes back to his food. I say, "I forgot about this side of you. You were a stubborn asshole when I first met you." I chuckle.
"In Dauntless?"
"No. We met in Abnegation," I answer, surprised at his sudden desire to entertain me. "You loathed conversation and you found every possible excuse to avoid them."
"Oh really? So why did I talk to you?" He sizes me up with his eyes.
So many times I had asked myself that very same question. I was never the prettiest girl in the room, nor did I have the prettiest hair or the best smile, the best looking body, the best anything really. But Tobias saw me.
"Because I managed to convince you that you weren't as terrible as you thought you were. And I proved to be quite interesting… if I may say so myself," I answer.
"Well you did kidnap me under the pretext that I was your dead boyfriend. It doesn't get much more interesting than that," he says levelly, and he continues to chew his food.
This time, I'm the one to give him a curious glare. "I never said anything about a boyfriend. You came to that conclusion all on your own. I'd love to know how." I cross my arms.
He scoffs, but it's a few seconds too late. "I can read between the lines."
"I see," I say, and there's a hint of hope in my voice. I know Tobias; even if he was starting to wonder if all I'm telling him is true, he would never say so until he was absolutely sure that it was.
"So, Abnegation?" He raises an eyebrow and shakes his head. "Sorry, I can't imagine myself in grey. Not even if I tried."
"Well you wore it for sixteen years. Despite what your mother told you, you didn't grow up factionless," I say, and I fail to hide the venom in my voice. I roll my eyes at the very thought of her filling his head with rubbish, erasing every wonderful moment we ever spent together, making it like they never happened at all.
"Why do you hate her so much?" Tobias spits. He almost slams his fork down in his plate. "I can see it all over your face."
His sudden change in temperament doesn't faze me at all. I almost expected it.
"I hate her because she abandoned you when you needed her most," I say levelly. "I hate her because she's a liar and a thief. She's taken things from you that you can't even begin to imagine," I huff. "Tobias, she's taken your life. God knows she deserves to lose hers." I whisper the last part, and I don't mean to outrightly threaten her, but Tobias doesn't see it that way.
He freezes. "You're going to kill her?" He looks me dead in the eye.
"I wouldn't not kill her if I ever had the chance," I answer honestly.
"Why?!" He blurts out so loudly that I jump. "So you can continue to live out whatever crazy fantasy you've created inside your head?!" He breathes heavily, and threateningly he says, "You can do whatever you want to me, but leave my mother out of this!"
Angry, though not at him, I get up from the table.
"Believe me," I say nonchalantly and with every conviction, "When you find out just how much she's stolen from you, you'll want to kill her yourself. And that's a promise."
My heart breaks, because right then and there I realize that whenever Tobias gets his memories back, if he gets his memories back, he will be distraught. He will wake up to a world where he has a son he doesn't know and a vile mother who deceived him and used him for her own benefit, ripping him away from everyone he loved. And just for a split second I wonder if maybe it isn't better to just let him be, allow him to find peace in ignorance… because if the truth destroys him, how am I supposed to bring him back from that?
