So sorry for the late post guys. I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it ;)


Chapter 19

TOBIAS

It was another amazing day with my son.

There really isn't much to do in the bunker but Andy somehow always manages to keep us all entertained and happy. I made him lunch, real lunch this time. There was rice and canned meat in the pantry, and we cooked it up with some of the vegetables Kate had brought. While we ate, he told me stories about his babysitter Lila, his teacher, and about his friends at school. He had my full attention all day, especially knowing we'd have to take him to his grandmother's when the day was over.

I dreaded nightfall; I actually wished it away, as much as I knew leaving for Amity was important. When it was time to go, I asked Tris to drive to Abnegation and I sat in the passenger's side with Andy on my lap. He loved the wind in his face; he said the air is never so fresh in Dauntless. He pointed at the moon, at the trees, at just about everything we saw on the way.

Natalie was both surprised and glad to see us. We had stayed for a short while to update her on everything we had put together, but then quickly came the time to leave. I hugged Andy and I promised him I'd be back soon; I have no idea what I'll find in Amity, but I'm certain nothing there could keep me away from him for too long. I squeezed him so tight and I just didn't want to let him go. Even now, as much as I'm certain Tris and I must do this, being away from him is agonizing. And it only gets worse; every minute I'm on this train I'm another mile away from him.

"He'll be okay, Tobias," Tris says knowingly as her eyes carefully examine my sulking face. She sits beside me on the cold, hard floor of the train car, our backs pressed against the wall. She reaches over and takes my hand. "Abnegation is the most obvious place, which is exactly why it's the last place they'd think to look for us. And my mother would protect Andy with her life if she had to. You might not remember, but she was Dauntless and she's still handy with a gun."

I smile, imagining the fifty year old Abnegation woman wielding a gun. Only a few nights ago she came real close to throwing a loaded vase at me. "I don't doubt any of that," I say. "Or I wouldn't have agreed to leave him there." I know he'll be safe with Natalie, especially considering I asked Zeke to have someone trustworthy guard the house. I certainly would have preferred they both stayed in the bunker for the night, but if Tris and I were to take longer than a few days, other members of Abnegation would have quickly realized Natalie was missing, which would have ultimately incriminated her in all this, compromising her safety.

"But you miss him," Tris finishes for me.

I nod. "I wish I didn't have to leave him."

"And soon, you'll never have to." Tris pulls me a little closer to her and presses a sweet kiss to my cheek. I immediately smile at the thought of always having them both close to me. Optimism is my only choice at this point, because I can't imagine living out any version of the future that doesn't include Tris and Andy.

Tris lays her head on my shoulder and we stare through the door for a moment. It's dark outside, and the trees are only a black blur as we speed past them. The starry night sky, however, doesn't seem to move at all.

"So what do you know about Johanna?" I ask Tris, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever awaits us at Amity.

"I hear her name every now and again at the leaders' meeting," she answers. "But I don't think I've ever met her. She hasn't been in leadership for too long, and even so, the Amity don't often involve themselves in the city's politics."

I nod, remembering the few encounters I'd had with the Amity while carrying out my mother's orders. They cringe at the very idea of conflict. "You think she'd help us willingly?" I raise an eyebrow. I'd hate to have to force the information out of her. Not that I wouldn't.

"The Amity are supposed to be kind, right?" Tris shrugs against me.

I huff. "More like non-contentious… at least the ones I've met."

"Well you never had any complaints about their last leader," Tris says suggestively. "You had to work with him often… fence guarding matters, and you two got along well enough."

I'm about to ask about him when, over the noise of the train, I suddenly hear the sound of static coming from Tris' pocket. And then I hear, "Belle, this is Bird. Come in."

"Zeke!" Tris gasps, and she quickly jumps upright. My shoulder suddenly feels too empty.

"Belle, this is Bird. Come in," Zeke repeats the phrase one more time as Tris fights to pull the large radio out of the tiny pocket of her jeans. She has to twist herself to the side a little in order to get it out.

"This is Belle. Go ahead, Bird," she answers the second the radio is out of her pocket. There's an unmistakeable level of excitement in her voice.

"You guys already on your way? Over," says Zeke casually on the other line. When he called this morning we told him we had met Harrison's informant and that we'd be going to Amity tonight to ask Johanna Reyes what she knew about the memory serum.

"Affirmative. We've left the haven and the egg is in the barn with the hen. Is my guard in place? Over."

"You know it. And the hostage? Over."

"I've got the hostage with me. Over," Tris laughs.

"He bein' a good boy? Over."

"He certainly is," Tris answers, smiling widely at me. "Over."

"Good," Zeke says, and I can hear the grin in his voice. "Well stay frosty. Don't get off too close to the fence. There are Dauntless guards patrolling out there."

"Roger that. Will let you know when we're back at base. Over."

"Okay. See you guys tomorrow. Over and out."

Twisting the nob on the top of it, Tris turns the radio off, and then she maneuvers herself again to shove it back inside her pocket.

Feeling just a little bit awkward after hearing that conversation, I ask, "Are you sure that's safe? Using the radio outside of the bunker?"

"It's Zeke's personal frequency," Tris nods. "Meant for emergency purposes only. Aside from his wife and brother, I'm the only other person who knows it."

I nod slowly and Tris smiles shyly at me.

I believe at this point my jealousy of her relationship with the man who is supposed to be my best friend is obvious. But I suppose without my memories, I couldn't possibly analyze the situation objectively, and maybe I should just be grateful someone had been taking care of Tris in my absence. Although, gratefulness is not the first emotion provoked by such a thought.

My mouth feels dry and my chest heavy. I wonder if this is how Tris felt when she met Kate, though this is slightly different; I can't imagine if I had come back to find my wife and my best friend together. But even if it were so, I couldn't really be mad, could I? As far as they both knew I was dead. And Zeke would have been good to her. He is good to her. And maybe my jealousy is stupid and pointless because Zeke has his own wife and has absolutely no need of mine.

"Do I know her?" I ask out of curiosity. "Zeke's wife?"

"Yes, you do," Tris answers with a single nod. She tucks herself beside me again and my arms instinctively make room for her. "You, Zeke and Shauna were all in the same initiate class. She said if it weren't for you, she would have been factionless. She came that close to failing initiation."

"So we're friends then?"

"You could say so," Tris answers.

"Do they have any kids?" I ask casually, as if I'm not still unsettled with how good he is with Andy.

Tris shakes her head. "Not yet," she says. By the way she bites her lip, I get the feeling there's more to that story, but if there is she doesn't say so, and I only ask, "Are you friends with her?"

"We're friendly," she murmurs with a shrug, "Although she's much closer to Christina than she is to me. I guess it's the whole sister-in-law thing." Tris smiles, but I see the pain in her eyes when she says Christina's name.

"You miss Christina," I say softly, and I take Tris' hand. When I feel how cold her skin is, I rub her hand between mine.

Tris nods and though the wind blows her hair back and forth in her face, I still notice when she frowns a little. "She's my best friend… or at least I hope she still is." Slowly, her eyes sink to the floor.

I lean down and press a soft kiss to her hair, feeling a bit guilty I'm the reason they're fighting, and also silently questioning what their friendship was like. I would have expected that Tris' best friend would have been as helpful as mine, if not more so, but Christina and Zeke couldn't possibly disagree more about what their role is in this whole ordeal. And it's not that I don't understand why anyone would hesitate to help us, but Christina has all but refused. Tris deserves better than that.

I'm tempted to ask what my relationship with Christina was like, but I keep my thoughts to myself, not wanting to stir up the wrong emotions in Tris, and also not wanting to be a hypocrite. After all, here I am burning with jealousy because my best friend made it his business to take care of the family I had left behind. And that's all because I don't remember who these people are or what they're like, so I can't really pinpoint their motives. And I will admit, reluctantly in Christina's defence, that by having a negative opinion about any of them, I might be doing them a disservice. Tris trusts Christina; maybe that's all I need to know.

When Tris' attention is suddenly drawn back to the passing trees outside, I ask, "What's wrong?"

"We should probably get off now," she sits up to say to me. "I think we're already too far out."

I get up first, then I help Tris to her feet and together we walk toward the doorway. The wind picks up as we stand at the edge of the car opening, and it's too dark to see where we are, but Tris seems to be able to navigate the area well enough.

Hand in hand, we launch ourselves into the darkness and land hard on the ground, but we don't fall. There aren't many trees where we are, so we take our time to run off the momentum. My breaths are quick and shallow, and I pick up a strange smell in the air- a mixture of grass, produce and animal dung.

"I can smell the bullshit already. We are definitely in Amity," I manage to say jokingly in between breaths as I run, and I manage to steal a laugh from Tris. Her frown quickly transforms to a grin, and for the next few seconds, my eyes are on her instead of on the path in front of me.

We come to a halt a moment later, and we begin to search our surroundings. With the moon hidden behind thick clouds, the only light comes from some road posts nearby, but I realize we're several yards away from the worn path that the Amity trucks travel to deliver food to the city. I recognize it because we had raided them last winter when we were running short of food.

"There are supposed to be Dauntless guards there," Tris says, looking into the distance. "But I don't see anyone."

"Doesn't mean they're not there," I say levelly. "We need cover."

Tris nods, and we begin to head straight for the orchards.

The fruit trees are tall, and above me, the branches grow into one another, forming a kind of tunnel. Dark fruit hang among the leaves, ready to drop, and there are already so many on the ground. It's the only sight we see for about fifteen minutes before we come out on the other side.

Pinpricks of light are the first sign that we're nearing the domestic area of Amity, then squares of light that turn into glowing windows. As we walk farther, we eventually make out a cluster of buildings, and when we're a little closer, we see that all the buildings except the greenhouses are made of the same dark wood, and they're all unpainted.

There doesn't appear to be anyone outside, but we hear laughter coming through the open window of one of the houses, and the lights are still on. Unlike the rest of the faction, it appears someone is still awake inside.

"Should we knock?" Tris asks me, sceptically looking at the small Amity house.

"Well, we might not have a choice." We have no idea where Johanna Reyes actually is, and we were expecting to find at least one or two people we could ask. We'd forgotten the Amity aren't really people of the night like the Dauntless and factionless. "But it should be okay," I add. "It's dark… and I doubt these people would know we're on the run."

"True," Tris whispers, and she takes the lead, but I walk closely enough beside her that I could pull her out of harm's way if need be. We walk up the small wooden porch, lit by a single light bulb that hangs just above the door. Tris knocks twice, and when the laughter from inside the house stops, the sound of wind chimes fills our ears.

Not too long after, a woman comes to open the door. She's short, chubby with black hair and glasses. She wears the typical orange and red of her faction and she smiles at us as if it's perfectly normal for two people who are obviously not from this faction to be knocking on her door at ten o' clock at night.

"Good night," the woman says chirpily. "May I help you?" Her eyes flash from Tris to me then back to Tris.

"Good night. Um… We're looking for Johanna Reyes," Tris says, and it sounds like a question. I remain silent at her side.

"Well, you're almost there!" the woman grins. "Continue on this path," she points down the dirt road, "and after you pass the Dome, it's the third building on the left. Two storeys high, glass windows; you can't miss it."

"Thank you," Tris smiles, and not wanting to risk being recognized, we quickly turn around to continue on our way. I hear the door close behind us before we've even stepped off the porch. "Well that was easy," Tris whispers to me.

"She just told two random strangers where to find their leader," I point out.

"Welcome to Amity," Tris chuckles. "They often straddle the line between trust and stupidity."

"So it seems," I laugh. I can only hope Johanna is that welcoming.

Following the woman's directions, we find the two storey building easily, and we notice the lights shining through the windows. We'd knock, except the front door is wide open and I'm again shocked by the lack of security here. My mother always had at least three men guarding her door at all times. But I suppose Johanna Reyes doesn't execute her people for the slightest infraction and therefore isn't terrified of them.

When we walk inside the building, there's an open door on the left and we see a woman inside. She sits facing the window, but when she hears us approaching, she immediately stands and walks toward us.

She's a short woman, dark brown skin and black hair. A scar stretches in a thick line from just above her right eyebrow to her lip, rendering her blind in one eye. She wears a long orange robe.

"Good night to you. Is there something I can help you with? Is there a problem at the fence?" she asks; she has a lisp when she speaks. I suppose because we're dressed in black, she assumes we're Dauntless guards- a quite reasonable conclusion, and probably why the last woman was so keen on helping us.

Tris is rendered speechless for a moment, and she stares blankly at the woman. At first I think she's staring at the scar on her face, but then she says, "Oh my God… it's you. You're Johanna Reyes?"

The woman gives Tris an eye. "I certainly believe I am. And with whom do I have the pleasure?"

"You mean you don't recognize us?" Tris asks her expectantly.

Staring Tris in the eye, the woman stills for a second, and then she smiles at us, wide, the way someone would smile when they see an old friend. "Yes!" she exclaims. "I believe my name is the tiny signature at the bottom of your marriage certificate."

I gasp and stare curiously at Johanna when I realize she is the one who officiated our wedding ten years ago before either of us were established leaders in our faction. I hope this means we can trust her.

She quickly approaches Tris with open arms, and when she's close enough, Tris embraces her and laughs lightly. Her reaction to me however, is not as warm. She only nods at me and sends a small smile in my direction. I suppose my distaste for close physical contact is not a new habit of mine.

"Well… If you're here to renew your marriage vows I regret to inform you that I've long left the church," Johanna says to us. "I can still do the ceremony but it would be more of a civil wedding."

"No. That's not why we're here," Tris shakes her head.

"Well what could you both possibly need at this hour?" Johanna asks with a friendly smile. "I'm sorry; I don't remember your names."

"Tris and Four," Tris tells her. "Although, you might remember us as Beatrice and Tobias. We used our birth names when we got married."

Johanna instantly freezes and her smile disappears. "As in Tris and Four Eaton?" she stutters.

"Yes."

With troubled eyes, Johanna glances back and forth between us, and then takes a step back away from Tris. She definitely knows who we are.

"Come. Quickly," she says as she turns around and bids us to follow her, leading us inside the room she just came out of. When we're all inside she closes the door behind us. There's nothing inside but a few chairs around a small table. There's a pot of warm tea sitting on a woven coaster on the table. "Sit," she urges us, so we do. She pours us both a cup of tea and passes it to us. I'm careful to smell it before I take a sip. I've long heard of the psychedelic concoctions of the Amity.

"Is something wrong?" Tris asks her worriedly.

Johanna sighs. Facing us, she retakes her seat by the window. "You must forgive me. I'm afraid the years haven't been too kind to me. I do remember your faces, but when I read your names in the letter, I never made the connection."

"What letter?" I ask.

"A few days ago I received a letter from Dauntless leadership vehemently forbidding Amity to aid two Dauntless defectors. It was more than a bit confusing to read, since you," she glares at me, "are supposed to be dead. I attended Four Eaton's memorial about five years ago." She crosses her legs and takes a sip of her tea. She stares at us expectantly.

"We can explain everything," Tris quickly says.

"Well an explanation would certainly be necessary if you're seeking asylum. Lucky for you both, I am not nearly as fond of Mr. Coleman as I was of you two, as short as our encounter might have been. And I don't interfere with Dauntless politics so I don't see why they assume they can interfere with Amity's. I will grant you a few days, but no more. I cannot put my faction at risk."

Tris and I both take a quick glance at each other.

"That's not actually why we're here," Tris says to her. "But we were hoping you could help us with something else."

Johanna pinches her eyebrows together. "What exactly?"

"What do you know about the memory serum?" I cut right to the chase, not wanting to be here longer than necessary. If the Dauntless sent a letter to Johanna, it could mean they knew we'd come here, and if that's the case, they'll be on the lookout for us.

Johanna raises her eyebrows at us. One goes far higher than the other. "I know that it is controlled by Amity's leaders, both spiritual and constitutional, and given that you are not from this faction, you should not even be aware of its existence."

"It was administered to me by my mother," I explain, still holding the hot cup of tea in my hands.

"Your mother?"

"Evelyn Johnson. I don't know how she got her hands on it, but she did. She's factionless now… but used to be Abnegation."

Johanna nods slowly and her eyes widen a bit. "I think I might know who you're talking about, though I pray I'm wrong," she says with a bit of awe in her voice.

"She's tall, thin, with dark hair," I vaguely describe my mother, but painfully remember every detail of her face, the length and texture of her hair.

"I truly don't recall her name or what she looked like, but it's not very often we give the serum to someone outside our faction, and I do recall a factionless woman being among the few. But that was a very long time ago… more than twenty years ago to be precise."

"But why was it even given to her in the first place?" Tris asks, sounding just a bit upset, pressing an elbow into the table and leaning forward.

"I was the one who decided to give the serum to her, actually," Johanna says, and I instantly sit up straight. She rests the cup of tea on her leg. "She had run away from her faction and had come seeking peace among the Amity. She was a troubled woman, one who sought relief from the trauma brought on by an abusive husband, and grief from a child she had left behind. She pleaded and I empathised with her, so I gave her a vial. She left with it and never came back, so I assumed she used it." Johanna eyes me curiously. She almost looks frightened now. "Four… You are her child?"

"Yes," I simply say, though it's with great resentment that I admit it.

"And you said she administered it to you?"

"She did," I answer strongly. "About five years ago. She kidnapped me, faked my death, and took my memories so I would stay with her. I was living with the factionless until Tris found me."

"Five years later?" Johanna gasps in horror, and she almost spills her tea. She worriedly eyes Tris. "And all this time you thought he was dead?"

"Yes," Tris answers with a slow nod.

"Dear Lord," Johanna groans and she uncrosses her legs. "I had believed giving the serum to your mother was an act of kindness given the pain she was in. But I can see now that it was gravely misused. I should have known better," she shakes her head. "She was too conflicted; erasing her husband meant erasing her child, and though I could sense her hesitation, I ignored it. It was foolish of me. Forgive me." Her eyes are pained with sincerity.

"Please don't blame yourself for my mother's actions," I shake my head. I know better than anyone that all the good intentions in the world couldn't stop her from doing what she really wanted to do. It appears as though she takes pleasure in misusing the people who try to help her.

"I am responsible to a certain extent," Johanna says to me, placing a hand on her thigh. "And it is important that I accept that. I truly am sorry this happened to you, Four."

I nod, accepting her apology although it doesn't change what's already been done. And I'm not upset that Johanna gave Evelyn the serum. I'm upset Evelyn didn't use it on herself. I'm not sure what that says about me, the fact that I would have preferred my mother not remembering I was ever born.

"Can it be reversed?" I get to the real point.

Johanna sighs, and the look she gives me is an answer in itself. Still, I wait expectantly until she says, "Not to my knowledge. We have several members here who have received the serum, some more than three or four decades ago. None have ever reported regaining a single memory." She shakes her head. "And they have no reason to withhold such information."

I let out a slow breath, trying to keep my discouragement at bay, but I can't ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. It weighs me down so much it becomes difficult to breathe.

Johanna looks at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I'm sure this is not the news you wished to hear."

But it can't be right. It can't be. I quickly shake my head and say, "But I'm having dreams." Obviously something went wrong. I never really forgot Tris, not entirely.

"Memories," Tris quickly corrects me and I nod.

"I thought they were dreams, but… apparently they are dreams of things that actually happened," I clarify.

Johanna sits up straight in her chair. She eyes us both curiously. "When did the dreams start?"

I shrug a little as I think back. "I've been having them for as long as I can remember." I think it's safe to assume I started dreaming just after I was given the serum. It's hazy, but I do remember the day I woke up in my mother's bed, not knowing who or where I was. When I opened my eyes and I saw her, apart from confusion, there was disappointment. I didn't know who she was, all I knew was that she wasn't the woman I was hoping to see.

"Then your mind has been fighting the serum this whole time, and that is entirely unheard of," Johanna says strongly. "Do you dream of a specific time period, a specific place, a person?" she asks quickly, almost excitedly.

"Just Tris," I answer and I glance over at my wife for a second. I don't miss the way the corners of her lips curve up into a faint and beautiful smile- a smile I can now say without a doubt I could never forget.

Johanna sweetly says, "Why am I not surprised?"

"What do you mean?"

She brings her cup to her mouth and takes another sip of her tea. "Many of the fence guards bring their partners around here," she begins. "Especially during the time of our festivities; they rather enjoy our peace serum. So it's not strange that we would see the Dauntless in our neck of the woods. But none of them had ever walked into my church, absolutely sober, and asked me to wed them." She chuckles. "It was easy for me to see the magic in your love. It radiated from your eyes when you looked at each other, and that was the only reason why I went through with the ceremony." Johanna looks down at her tea for a second and Tris looks at me and smiles. It's so easy for me to smile back. I want with all of me to remember that day.

"And that love hasn't changed one bit," Johanna continues, looking at us with awe. "You and Tris truly share a love that is uniquely pure and effortless. I don't see that too often. And it makes sense that a strong love would challenge the serum." She thinks for a second. "You see, the serum was designed to elevate the spirit, the mood, bring forth a feeling of inner peace by obliterating everything that stood in the way of that. But you dream of your past because your reality before the serum was more blissful than your reality after it."

"What are you saying?" I ask her.

"I'm saying although I've never seen it happen, it might not be impossible for you to regain all of your memories," she answers seriously. Tris' eyes open wide and she takes my hand and squeezes it. "Focus on Tris. I believe she is your way home. You must only be patient. With time it will all come back to you. It's already begun to."

"Time is not on our side," I say levelly, and I can hear the disappointment in my own voice.

"Well it's a good thing love is timeless," Johanna says with a smile. It seems like such an arbitrary thing to say, offering no solutions, yet strangely comforting. And although she still hasn't given us a physical cure, her faith is contagious, and I find myself smiling back at her. I feel my hope restored just a little and that will have to be good enough for now. At least she believes it can be done.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Johanna," Tris reads my mind. "Especially since something like this has never happened before."

"Well it's not as though we have the largest sample size," Johanna shrugs. "There have been maybe a dozen members that have taken the serum."

"And why was it given to them?" Tris asks warily. I notice she hasn't touched the tea. Her cup is still full and resting beside her elbow.

"The memory serum is only given to those who request it," Johanna quickly replies. "After the Erudite… situation, it became a crime to administer a serum under duress or without consent."

"You were the one who actually pushed for that law," Tris says softly to me.

Funny how it never worked in my favour.

"But why would people ask to have their memories erased?" I ask Johanna sceptically.

"We get a lot of troubled people here," Johanna sighs and she glances out the window for a second. "People in search of peace, others trying to escape a traumatic past; there is more wickedness in our city than you could ever imagine. But even so, we encourage those who request it to undergo a month of spiritual therapy and meditation to see if they can achieve healing without erasing their past. If they prove they cannot, then and only then do we grant them their wish, because once done it cannot be undone. All traces of the past are wiped clean." She clears her throat and gives me an eye. "Or so I thought."

"Can I ask… where exactly do you get this serum?" Tris asks out of sheer curiosity.

"You can certainly ask," Johanna says with a smile, "I, however, cannot tell you." Taking the final sip of her tea, she adds, "Actually, I believe I've already told you all I can."

"Well in that case, we won't keep you any longer," Tris says to her.

I nod in agreement. Although I feel like there's so much more I want to ask, I know there isn't.

Without having touched her tea, and I only having taken a small sip of mine, Tris and I stand from the table.

"And I pray this unfortunate situation you've found yourselves in with the Dauntless is resolved quickly," Johanna says, though she doesn't seem too optimistic. "You were quite a leader, Four," she nods at me.

"Did we ever work together?" I ask her curiously.

"No," she shakes her head. "But your absence was noted even here. We never had this much Dauntless traffic in our faction when you were head of security. Mr. Coleman seems to be of the opinion that Dauntless is somehow entitled to Amity land." She scoffs.

Tris chuckles lightly, and rolls her eyes at the mention of Coleman.

"Anyway, good luck," Johanna says, before ushering us out. "And take care to not be seen by anyone else."

"Thank you for your help, Johanna," Tris says sincerely.

I only nod. I am grateful for her help; I just wish there were more. But I cling to her advice, and I take Tris' hand as we walk out of the building. Tris is my way home, she's always been, and I've always been trying to find my way back.


The night is dark and quiet, so Tris and I walk slowly with our arms wrapped around each other, savouring the peacefulness of it all. We were both anxious to get on the midnight train and head back to Abnegation, but we missed it by a few minutes. Which means we're stuck out here until morning.

I look around at the trees on either side of us. "Where on Earth are we going to sleep? You sure you don't want to head back to Johanna? I'm sure she wouldn't mind giving us a room for the night," I suggest entirely for Tris' sake. I can sleep anywhere, but I'd rather she be safe and comfortable.

"I don't know," she sighs. "I trust her, and she genuinely seems to want to help us, but I don't want to have her mixed up in all this. Especially with Derek making it his business to ask her to not help us." She rolls her eyes, although I'm certain Derek's letter was more about me than it was about Tris. He wouldn't want her sleeping out in the cold any more than I would.

"Well, she did say she didn't like him very much," I mumble.

Laughing softly, Tris presses herself a little closer into me. "You're right. And I suppose sleeping on an actual bed is not a horrible idea."

"It's really not," I jest.

Chuckling just a little, Tris stops walking and she turns to face me. She removes her hand from my waist and wraps her fingers between mine. Then she looks up at me seriously and asks, "How are you, Tobias? I mean… how do you feel about what Johanna said?"

"Which part?" I ask with a soft huff, because a lot of it stayed with me. Strangely enough, I keep thinking about how different my life would have turned out if Evelyn had just taken the serum herself.

"The part where she said it's not impossible for you to get your memories back." Tris frowns. "I know it's not a cure like we were hoping for-"

"-But it's all we've got," I say, and Tris' eyes quickly meet mine. "And I think she's right." I glance at our hands that are almost fused together between us. "You're my way home, Tris. You are my home."

Tris' eyes become wet and her lips curve up into the faintest smile. "And you are mine."

I tug her toward me, and leaning down I press a kiss to her lips, gently parting them with mine. It suddenly feels like there's electricity coursing through my veins instead of blood, and my heart is filled with love instead of disappointment.

Even without a tangible cure for the memory serum, I'm feeling hopeful and safe as we stand in the cold Amity night with our lips dancing together. I know in my heart even if I don't get my memories back, Tris and I will be okay. Our love is too strong for us not to be.

Pressing her hand into my cheek when she pulls away from the kiss, Tris smiles sweetly and says, "I want to show you something before we head back to Johanna. It's not far."

I nod. "Okay," I say, and I wrap my arm around her waist again.

In order to stay hidden, we turn off the path and continue walking behind the trees with Tris leading the way. There's nothing but the sound of dried grass crunching under our feet until she asks, "And how do you feel about everything else? Evelyn… the serum…"

"I don't know," I admit. "Is it wrong to wish Evelyn had erased herself instead of me? Because I do. Is it supposed to mean something to me that she cherished the memory of me so much she decided to carry it along with the dreadful years she spent with Marcus?"

"No," Tris says flatly. "As a mother, I call bullshit. What she was supposed to cherish was you."

I'm so surprised at Tris' words, I almost miss my next step, but they come as a relief, because deep down I know my feelings are justified. I pass her a grateful nod.

"What about you?" I ask her, and I press a kiss to her hair. "What do you think about all Johanna said?"

"I think there's something she's not telling us, although I'm not sure it's anything that pertains to us specifically," Tris answers.

I nod. "Yeah, I got that feeling too. I mean… why wouldn't she tell us where they get the serum from? And should a faction be allowed to have a serum like that at all?" I ask with a scoff.

"Believe it or not, it's not the first time you've asked that question," Tris says with a smirk. "During the Erudite uprising, you fought hard to have Jeanine's death serum banned."

Raising an eyebrow, I look down at Tris who is tucked away in my side. "I had to fight for that? You'd think that was common sense."

Tris laughs a little louder than she should. "Yeah, you'd think so. But factions don't easily part with their serums, which is how the Law of Duress came to be. Because to be honest we all have them. Yeah, the death serum was lethal, but so is the Dauntless fear serum at the wrong dose, or the Candor truth serum. Any of those serums could be seriously misused if the wrong person had access to them."

"That's true," I concede. I suppose she's right. Evelyn often compared the serums to wealth and their connection to control. In that regard, the factionless really are powerless.

"Where are we even going?" I ask Tris with a soft laugh as I look around me. We've been walking for several minutes now, and away from Johanna instead of toward her. Not that I mind. The cool night wind in my face and the sound of the rustling trees is actually quite soothing. It might be what is helping me to remain calm and positive given the circumstances. Or it might be the single sip of tea I took.

"You'll see. We're actually almost there," Tris says with a smile.

She walks a little faster now and she pulls me along with her. I begin to drag my feet through the tall rows of wild quinine, and I get goose bumps all over my arm when I get the strangest feeling of déjà vu. It's only amplified when I find myself standing at the edge of a small field of pink and white coneflowers, only barely lit up by the starry night.

Tris grins and she turns to face me. She wraps her arms around my waist and looks up at me, but all I can seem to do is look around me. There is something remarkably familiar about this beautiful place.

"It's gorgeous, isn't it?" Tris whispers and I finally look down at her. When she smiles up at me I see a picture of us in my mind, in this exact spot. But we were lying down in the grass instead of standing in it.

I suddenly remember the dream I had when I was locked inside the bunker, the dream that made me question everything I thought I knew about myself… and about my mother. This is exactly where we were, and I remember right before I woke up I was looking into her eyes, wanting to ask her something important.

That's when I realize, "This is where it happened, isn't it? This is where I asked you to marry me," I say in awe. I feel as though my heart stops beating inside my chest.

"Yes," Tris smiles in sweet surprise. Her voice is thick with emotion and her eyes gloss over with tears when she says, "And I said yes."

I grin at her, feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. I slide a hand over her cheek, one finger anchored behind her ear. Then I tilt my head down and kiss her slowly, and the sweet taste of her lips sends a warm ache through my body. Tris wraps her hand around my arm, holding me there, pulling me deeper into the kiss. When her tongue slides against my own, my entire being comes alive, and my soul cries out for her.

Giggling away from my hungry lips, Tris says, "Careful. Don't rile me up if you're not gonna take me all the way."

"Who said I wasn't going to?" I say rudely, gently rubbing my hand down her arm, knowing exactly what I crave. Her skin is incredibly smooth and soft. I want to kiss her there.

"Out here?" Tris laughs, and she looks at the darkness around us.

"It's not like it would be the first time," I chuckle, thinking of so many of my dreams. I'd lost count of the many places where I'd sunk myself inside her.

Biting her lip, Tris says, "No, it wouldn't," and she takes a few steps backward. She grins as she presses her back against the trunk of a small oak tree, and I greedily chase her.

My lips find themselves everywhere. I kiss her neck, her cheek, her shoulder, and as I devour her lips I work to pull the tight jeans off her. She's not entirely out of them when my fingers find her middle, and she gasps when they slide against her wetness. Feeling ravenous, I drop to my knees and I open her legs just a little before sinking my tongue deep inside her. She moans loudly and in less than a second, her fingers are in my hair, threatening to pull them out from the root. She tastes marvellous, and I become gluttonous, sucking at her bud until her legs shake.

With ragged breaths, Tris manages to say, "I want you inside me," and I instantly become even harder than I already am.

When my mouth leaves her body, Tris steps out of her jeans, and as I stand to my feet, she impatiently rids me of mine. I lift her by her hips and press her up against the tree, and she wraps her legs around my waist, but not before I drive myself into her.

She moans loudly as I thrust inside her, and her arms are wrapped so tightly around my neck I can barely breathe. But my body becomes so overcharged when she cries out my name, I have no need of oxygen.

The harder she grabs me, the harder I thrust, sending her higher and higher up the bark of the tree. "I love you," I whisper in her ear as I feel her begin to clench around me.

"Say it again," she urges me, and she sinks her nails into my back.

"I love you, Tris," I moan. "I love you." And I thrust faster now, knowing she's close.

Suddenly, Tris attacks my lips with her own, and when her mouth begins to quiver and she gasps as though the air surrounding us is not enough, I sink myself deeper into her, bringing her along with me as I explode into a million pieces inside her, crying out her name as I cum.

The silent air becomes filled with our heavy breaths, and we both spasm against the tree. Tris' head slowly falls to rest on my shoulder, and I feel as the strength in her legs disappears.

I chuckle a little into the soft skin of her neck. "Looks like you need to lie down, Love. You ready to go back to Johanna now?" I tease her.

Tris laughs weakly as she stands on her feet. Playfully, she pushes me. "Give me back my jeans."

"Is that a yes?" I grin, and I pick up her jeans off the grass. I don't take my eyes off hers when I help her get into them.

"That depends. Is there more where that came from?"

"Definitely," I say gutturally. "The night is still young."

Tris covers her mouth to stifle a laugh, and grinning, I quickly pull my pants on.

"Well we should head back before she falls asleep," I say, then I pull her into me and I don't fight the urge to kiss her again. The kiss is deep and hard, and I feel insatiable.

Tris' face is flushed and she smiles against my lips. "Just because I've got my pants back on doesn't mean you should tempt me. Or we might not make it to Johanna's."

I smile widely, accepting the challenge, and in less than a second my lips are on hers again.

"Belle, this is Bird. Come in!" Zeke shouts over the radio, ruining this incredibly perfect moment. "Belle, this is Bird. Come in!" But Tris' hands are in my hair now, and my lips are now fighting with hers for dominance. "Tris! Answer me!"

Tris pulls away with both annoyance and worry when Zeke calls her name over the radio. My lips greedily chase after hers but they come up disappointed. Huffing a little, she picks up the radio off the ground. "Ugh," she groans. "What is it?"

Zeke sternly says, "They know where you are. Get out of there. Now!"

Straightaway, I feel my body stiffen and I'm suddenly more alert. My eyes quickly scan our surroundings, looking for movement.

"Oh no," Tris groans worriedly, and I pull her into me.

When I see the headlights of what appear to be Dauntless trucks approaching quickly in the distance, I say, "We really need to move, Tris." My hand closes around hers and I begin to lead her back the way we came. "We can't get back to Johanna without being spotted," I say lowly as we cut through the Amity field. "And for all we know, she's the one who tipped them off."

"She wouldn't do that," Tris assures me, shaking her head.

"Either way, we'll have to settle for cover," I say.

"Can we make it to the fence? I really didn't see anyone there."

"We can if we run," I tell her, and immediately we both pick up the pace until we're running through a cornfield. We crash over cornstalks and the heavy leaves cut my cheeks and arms, but we don't stop. When we arrive at the orchard, we breathlessly sprint down the centre aisle of it.

The purr of engines closing in behind us chases us into the trees, and side by side Tris and I race through them. By then, the cars have caught up to us and the headlights creep through the bushes, illuminating the leaves and trunks in front of us. When I hear shouts in the distance and the sound of car doors slamming, I grab Tris' hand and I run faster, pulling her with me. I run faster than I can possibly run and though the night air is heavy in my lungs, I keep breathing it in, knowing if the Dauntless catch up to us, it might be the end of us both.

"There it is!" Tris yells when the fence finally comes into view.

And the next thing we both hear is a gunshot. Gunshots mean we're in range.

"Let's go!" I yell, glancing to my right every second to make sure Tris is keeping up with me. When we finally get to the fence, I run alongside it, pushing against it until I find a hole. I hold the chain links open for Tris to crawl through when I hear a menacing voice yell, "Stop!"

A man runs toward us, his gun pointed at Tris, and when I realize what he's about to do, I lose all control of myself. "Tris!" I yell and I dive in front of her, shielding her body from the bullets. I feel as they pierce my back, one by one, and it might be the sudden loss of blood, but I begin to feel strange inside.

"Tobias!" Tris cries out into my chest. She screams for me, her body pressed hard between mine and the fence, but I can't seem to move. "Tobias!" she cries out again, sobbing this time, grabbing my face between her hands. "Tobias! No!" she cries.

I feel limp, but awakened somehow. And as weak as I am, my hand finds her cheek and slowly I graze my fingers against it. I look into her eyes and I see her, I really see her. My Tris. And where there was once nothingness, there are now endless visions of her, in grey, in black, in nothing at all.

I remember. I remember everything.

I gasp as the dots unscramble and connect inside my mind, then I gasp again in awe at my brave wife, because it's all I can seem to do in that moment. "Hello, Beautiful," I say breathlessly, my voice breaking. It was always my favourite pet name for her, because she is beautiful… in every fathomable way. And looking at her, I feel like I can't breathe, yet I feel like it's the first time I've taken a breath in years. I feel like I'm dying yet I feel so alive. "What did I tell you about trying to get yourself killed, Baby?"

Tris gasps. "Tobias?" she whispers. Her eyes open wide with recognition.

"You have to run, Tris."

"No. I'm not leaving you," she cries, and I know it's a losing battle asking her to abandon me.

"You don't know how to give up on me, do you?" I whisper, grazing her cheek with my fingers. So many emotions rise up inside me, fighting for control, but my adoration for her wins. All this time she's been with me, even though I didn't remember who she was; she risked everything to try and save me.

When my hand is about to fall from her face, she grabs it. "Never," Tris answers firmly, her cheeks stained with tears.

I collapse into her arms when my knees fold, but she catches me and together we fall to the ground. Tris cries as she holds onto me, and I see my blood on her hands, on her clothes.

If this is where I die, really die, there's so much I would want to say to her, but the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, "I need you to know I never lied to you." I shake my head slowly, remembering the day it all happened, the day my mother forced the serum into my veins. "I never kept anything from you. At the last minute, I decided to stay and talk to her. I had never seen her before then," I say slowly as I fight for air. "I would have told you the second I got home. I was never going to hide it from you, Tris."

My eyes flood with tears when I remember the way my mother sent her men after me when I tried to escape. She was wise to send ten of them; I couldn't fight them all off, not at the same time.

"Tobias, don't," Tris cries, and the pain in her eyes cripples me more than the burning in my back.

"Tell Andy I love him more than anything in the world," I utter softly, and I feel my heart break inside me. I have a son, and he is beautiful.

"You'll tell him yourself," Tris says insistently.

"I love you," I say to Tris, my voice sounding faded, and I press my forehead on hers out of pure longing and sheer weakness.

"Tobias," she continues to cry. "Tobias, hold on! You can't die on me! I can't go through this again. Don't leave me again, please," she begs, grabbing onto me wherever her hands lie. But I feel like I'm dying. I feel the life oozing out of me, out of the tiny holes in my back.

"Don't move!" the soldiers yell as they all approach us. I can't see them, but I recognize one of their voices. "Stay on the ground!" he yells, but of course Tris does the exact opposite. I try to stop her, but I'm too weak.

Tris stands to her feet and fearlessly pushes him backward, away from me. Livid, she yells, "Why did you shoot him?! You didn't have to shoot him!"

"Tris," I choke, remembering whose voice that is. I gather some strength and I reach out my hand to her.

She runs back to me and throws herself on the ground. She squeezes my hands. "I'm right here. I'm right here."

"It's Chad," I suddenly remember to tell her. I can't believe I hadn't.

"Yes, Baby. Chad was the one who shot you."

"No, Tris. It was Chad," I say again, and all of a sudden, I feel like I don't have the strength to say anything else, to explain what I mean to say.

"Come with me!" Chad demands, and he tears Tris away from me, the last bit of life I cling to.

Tris thrashes in his arms, demanding he let her go, even though I imagine the other soldiers pointing their guns at her. In my mind I'm pleading with her to just be still and cooperate before they harm her, but my lips can't seem to move.

"If he dies, so do you!" Tris screams venomously. "And that's a promise, Chad!" Her voice seems more distant now, and the night seems to be getting darker.

"Tris," I manage to whisper, but my lips freeze again and I feel when the darkness of the night takes over me, leaving nothing at all.