Chapter 21

TRIS

I somehow manage to fall asleep in the dark, quiet cell, but even in my dreams the image of Tobias looking so pale and weak haunts me. He's always been the strongest person I've ever known, and I never imagined I'd ever see him look so helpless. But then again, him enduring all that he has is a sign of his strength, his will to survive, to be with me and our son.

I release the longest breath at the thought of my baby boy, thankful he's away from all this, safe with my mother, yet broken-hearted when I think about how scared he must be, wondering why his parents aren't back yet. I don't know when I'll see him again, and my chest feels tight all of a sudden. I try to distract myself, thinking about what it'll be like when this is all over. I always imagine the three of us in a small house somewhere. It's become my safe place when my thoughts get the best of me and the air feels too thin.

I don't pace as much in the cell today. I breathe easier now knowing Tobias is alive, knowing he has a good shot at surviving this. But I still ache; I want to hold him until he wakes up, I want to hear his voice, I want to feel his lips against mine. I want to look into his eyes and tell him how much I've missed him. I want him to tell me everything, and I want to tell him everything, filling every gap in time we've suffered. More than anything, I just want us to be together again.

But I don't forget where we are or the situation we're in. We weren't supposed to find ourselves in Dauntless until we had figured out a way to stop Evelyn and until we had enough evidence to prove our innocence. Both will be a hell of a lot harder to figure out now with me behind bars and Tobias unconscious. But it's not impossible; we have the most loyal friends and I know they'll do whatever they can to help us end this nightmare. They'll help us get our lives back. We just need to be strong.

"Soon, Tris," I whisper to myself, and I take in a deep breath of the air that surrounds me. It's far less unpleasant now. Either someone opened a few windows or I'm getting used to the old, crusty air. I believe it's the latter.

"Soon what?" Derek's voice startles me and I jump. I didn't even hear him approaching. I immediately turn around and there he is, standing tall in all his glory.

"Nothing that concerns you," I scowl at him, my disdain for him blatantly written on my face and etched in my tone. It's grown over the past few hours. While sitting here doing nothing, I had time to contemplate what Zeke had said to him about power plays. It never occurred to me that Chad guarding me was a calculated decision; I had assumed he'd taken the role since it was his arrest. But looking back at it now I can see how heartless it was and how Derek meant for it to intimidate me, to remind me of who was in control. He took advantage of me when I was most vulnerable. "Why are you here, Derek?" I ask with much contempt.

With his hands behind his back, he takes a few steps closer to my cell. He looks pristine as usual- not a wrinkle on his dark jacket, not a hair out of place. His boots are black and spotless, like he had them shined just before he came down here. "You forgot these," he says as he reveals the handful of papers he was holding behind his back. "Dr. Watson asked me to have them signed."

"Well, why don't you sign them?" I toy with him. "Since you're obviously the one in control here."

He lets out a heavy breath. "Tris," he groans and rolls his eyes at me. "I don't have some sort of evil plan to force you into subjection."

"Oh, really?" I say under my breath.

"Look, I'm sorry about Chad," he continues. "I wasn't thinking. I already assigned you a new guard." He nervously runs his free hand through his hair.

"Fine," I concede. "Well you can leave the papers on the floor and go."

I'm about to turn back around when he says, "I'm also here to take your statement." He raises his chin in the air a little. I can see he enjoys this. He's not fooling anyone.

"I'd rather someone else did," I say with a scoff.

"Well I'm the only head of security at Dauntless, Tris," he says proudly. "And I'm the one you want on your side." As if I needed reminding. He sets the papers down on the ground in front of me, and crosses his arms in front of his chest as he rises back to his feet. "Tell me what happened the night your team went to the alleged factionless location."

"Alleged?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "We found an entire warehouse full of factionless and stolen weapons. How is that an alleged location? And didn't Chad give you a report?" I spit his name. It feels vile on my lips.

"Yes, he did," he answers, "And in that report he states that you purposefully sabotaged the mission, leading them into a trap that ultimately led to the team's capture. "

"That's a lie!" I counter angrily. "Chad was the one who fucked up the mission when he started thinking with his ego instead of his head! We would have never been captured if he had listened to me. Besides, I was the one who set up the plan to rescue everyone before Evelyn had a chance to execute them!" I remember that night so clearly and I'm certain Chad does, too. "Chad is intentionally setting me up! He has made it very clear to me that he wants Four dead for whatever despicable reason."

Quite honestly, it doesn't make much sense. Chad usually acts on his own behalf, but he has nothing to gain from Tobias' death. Unless he's afraid that Tobias being re-instated would mean he'd get kicked out of leadership. Or… my initial hunch was right all along, and Chad really is the one working with Evelyn, and he knows Tobias is a loose end. I gasp when I remember Tobias' last words to me. He kept saying Chad's name. Could he have been trying to tell me?

I stare blankly at Derek for a moment, wondering just how much influence Chad has had on him over the past weeks. If they're in this together, Tobias and I don't have a fighting chance to stay in this faction.

"Tell me about Evelyn," Derek demands, entirely ignoring my rant about Chad.

I take a breath, wondering how much I should tell him, and I feel my fingers begin to shake. "What about her?" I ask hesitantly, but aware that I need to know just how much he knows, even if just to ascertain his loyalties. "She's their leader."

"Who just happens to be… Four's mother," Derek says inquisitively, and he stares at me as he waits for an answer. "Is that true?" Thankfully, he really doesn't seem to be the wiser, but I feel my pupils dilate because I know exactly where this conversation is headed, and there's no real way back from there.

"Yes, but… it's not what you're thinking," I shake my head quickly, trying anyway. "I know how it looks, Derek, but you need to listen to me. She tricked him-"

"What it looks like is you and your husband allied yourselves with the factionless for God knows whatever reason and went on the run when you got caught," he loudly interrupts me.

"Listen to me," I begin to explain. "His mother wiped his memory, filled his head with lies and convinced him he grew up there and he worked for her. The team and I stumbled upon him by chance, but after I found him I couldn't leave him there. I had to get him away from her. But because he couldn't remember anything, I couldn't just bring him home either. That's why I took him and ran."

Derek stares at me with the most incredulous glare. "So you're saying you have absolutely no connection to Four's dealings with the factionless?" He takes a step closer to me.

"I didn't even know he was alive," I admit sincerely.

"So why did he help you escape?" Derek asks and his eyes reek of disbelief.

"Because he thought I looked familiar," I say. "His memories were still there, just buried somewhere he couldn't access them."

"Well if he thought you looked familiar, why did you have to kidnap him? Why didn't he just go willingly?"

"It wasn't that simple," I groan, trying to stay calm. As frustrated as I am, I'm well aware of how difficult this is to swallow. It seems ridiculous to me, too. "He grew to believe he was someone else. He wasn't going to just let that go because I told him so."

Derek chuckles and the look on his face infuriates me. Not only does he not believe a word I'm saying; he also feels the need to ridicule me. "Is that really what you're going with, Tris?"

"I'm not making this up," I say forcefully. "Chad saw it for himself! Oh, but I'm betting he didn't put that in his report, did he?" I scowl. Every day I find a new reason to murder him. It might be the easiest thing I ever do. The second I confirm he's the traitor, he is dead. "He's the one you should be questioning," I mention, but careful not to say too much. If Chad knows I'm on to him, it might make things considerably worse for me.

Derek nods a few times. "Ok. Well, out of respect, I'll give you some time to rethink your statement and then I'll come back. We'll start this conversation from the beginning, and I'll be expecting a different set of answers."

Filled with anger, I grab onto the bars of the cell. "Why? My answers won't change!" I yell. "If you don't believe me, go to Amity. Speak to their leader. She'll tell you everything."

"Who, Johanna?" Derek grimaces. "I actually know Johanna quite well, and she's a lunatic," he stresses. "Besides, I don't want the other factions involved in this. We'll handle our own affairs."

"Oh, how convenient for you," I say sarcastically.

With one large and quick step, Derek stands so close to me I can feel him breathing; the bars are all that separate us. "Tell me the truth, Tris," he urges me. "I can help you, but I need to know everything."

"I am telling the truth!"

"Are you?" he counters. "Tris, everything about this screams that Four is a traitor. From the train crash that killed everybody but him-"

"He had nothing to do with that!"

"-and the bunkers you fled to? The bunkers he had built?" He glares at me. "Quit the bullshit. This plan was years in the making, Tris, and it's impossible to refute. Why can't you see how bad this looks?"

"What his motive, Derek?" I question him tersely. "Aren't you the same person who kept telling him he was too just? Too honest? And now you're telling me you sincerely believe that that same man willingly betrayed his faction? What does he have to gain from that?"

"You tell me," he scoffs. "What do you have to gain from protecting him? What's in it for you? Which reminds me," he rubs his cheek a little. "What's in it for Zeke? After all you did drag him into this, and he lost his leadership position because of it. He's damn lucky that's the only punishment he faced."

I'm left speechless for a moment, because I did drag Zeke into this, and I suddenly taste guilt on my lips even though I know Zeke would have helped me whether I asked him to or not.

"He was trying to help save his best friend," I say calmly. "Nothing more."

"And by his best friend you mean… Four?"

I give him an eye. "Of course. He felt he owed it to him. Zeke blamed himself for Four's death and you know that."

Derek laughs a little. "Are you really that blind, Tris?" he says. "Because I don't think that's the only thing he feels guilty about."

"Whatever the fuck do you mean?" I seethe at him, although I really doubt his answer is anything I'd want to hear.

"I see the way he looks at you," Derek says. "Like he cares about you more than he knows he should. And I don't think I'm the first person to tell you that."

He's certainly not, but I ignore him just as I ignore them. Just as I ignored Chad yesterday. Zeke would never do anything he knows would hurt Tobias. "I don't expect you to understand how friendship works, Derek, considering you have no friends."

"I'm sure he'd love to be more than your friend, just like I would, but of course he would never say anything to you," Derek continues lowly, and he rubs one of the bars between his fingers a little. "Not even if Four had stayed dead. Because everybody knows your heart lies with the traitor."

I lean in closer to him and threateningly say, "Get the fuck out of here, Derek, if all you're going to do is stand there and accuse us."

He doesn't move. "I'm accusing Four," he answers nonchalantly. "Not you. Not Zeke. Fuck, I empathize with Zeke. He's not the only man in this mix-up who is going to make stupid decisions because of you." He glances at my lips for a second and it makes me want to vomit. "Everything incriminates Four. So nobody else has to go down with him."

"I would never betray my husband," I seethe.

"And that's exactly what I'm afraid of," Derek says with a slight frown. "I guess this is why you refused to go out with me. All this time you knew he was alive."

"I didn't!" I yell out of frustration and anger and the desire to tear him to pieces. "Why are you making this about you?!"

"So you just didn't want me then," he says softly, and if these bars weren't standing in my way, I'd smack him across the face.

I scoff so loudly it echoes in the dark room. "Are you so arrogant it is that hard for you to consider the possibility that someone might actually just not want you?!" But I already know the answer to that question. I already know Derek only kept pursuing me because I kept telling him no. He's so used to women throwing themselves at him that he thinks he's above rejection. I'm not the type he usually goes for- tall, beautiful, gorgeous hair, perfect skin, no baggage. When it comes to me it's only about the chase, about conquering the one woman who isn't hopelessly enthralled by him.

"Well want me or not, I am your only way out of this mess," he finally backs away from the cell. He shakes his head at me, as if he is in any position to be disappointed in me. "Have you ever considered he's not the man you thought he was? And he pretended to lose his memory, if that's even what happened, so he wouldn't have to face you? He left you here, Tris, yet you're protecting him. And here I am trying to help you, the only person trying to help you, and you're refusing me still."

"Because I need you so much, Derek," I say sarcastically. The tension behind my eyes begins to build again.

"You are a horrible judge of character. Do you know that?" he scowls at me. "Where's your best friend, Tris? Has she been in to see you at all?"

It feels like a jab to the heart. Every time I think about Chris it aches. Aside from Andy, she was the one who held me together when I was at my lowest, and it hurts so much to think that I've lost her.

"You have the visitor's log," I answer rudely, trying to hide my pain. "You know she hasn't."

"And I'm not surprised," Derek almost grins. "Christina has always been jealous of you, Tris, since your initiation. Or have you forgotten that already?"

Honestly, I had. It was too long ago and no longer relevant to either of our lives.

"Why were you the one who ended up with the instructor when she's so much prettier than you?" Derek continues on his stupid rampage. "At least that's what she thought. I disagreed wholeheartedly and I found I was more insulted by her opinion of you than you were. Christina has always been so shallow, so uninteresting, yet wanting the best of everything as if she deserved it. And I know she let you have it because she thought you cheated your way to the top during initiation."

"I didn't cheat!" I needlessly correct him. "You scored me. Not Four."

"Doesn't matter," he shrugs. "Was all the same to her.

"She's not like that anymore," I say with all my heart. "Unlike you, most people tend to grow with time."

The first few years of our friendship were the hardest. We had our differences, but it never changed how much we cared for each other. Having Chris in my life made me wonder if that's how it felt to have a sister- someone to fight with, make dinner and have sleepovers with, someone who won't stop touching your things but you let them keep doing it because you know you can call them whenever you're falling apart. And our bond only grew stronger with time. I would never question her loyalty. Derek is stupid to think we're the same people now that we were ten years ago.

"You have too much faith in people, Tris," Derek shakes his head at me again. "I know better. People don't change. They only hide the ugly pieces of themselves for long periods of time. Right now, Christina is somewhere crying her eyes out wondering why Four is alive and Will isn't. How come you get another chance to be with the love of your life and she does not?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but she's happy with Uriah," I say to him, even though I had wondered myself if maybe that's the reason she was so reluctant about me helping Tobias.

"That's not the point, Tris. That's not how jealousy works."

"You would know," I say with a sly smirk. Derek has always been jealous of Tobias. He must be boiling inside at the fact that he came back from the dead; it's just one more thing Tobias did that he could never do. And I know he is toying with me, trying to get inside my head, and more than anything else I just want him to leave before I implode.

"You think I'm jealous of a man on death row?" he cackles.

"Derek, would you just go away?" I almost beg him, finally having had enough of him. Took me long enough.

"You have one last chance to come clean, Tris," is his reply. "I'll give you time to think about it. I can say he coerced you, used your son to manipulate you. Nobody will hold that against you."

"You are despicable," I spit at him.

He grimaces. "Whether you like it or not, Four is going down," he says strongly, pointing at the floor. "The only thing that's up for debate is whether or not you're going down with him." He stares me dead in the eye. "Think about your son, Tris."

"You can go to hell, Derek," I say irately. "Don't pass GO, don't stop to piss, just go straight to hell. Nobody will miss you."

"Andy will be brought back from Abnegation this morning." Derek shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket and acts as though he weren't put off in the least by my last comment. "Hiding in plain sight. Smart."

I gasp and I'm sure my heart stops beating. "Stay away from my son, Derek," I instantly warn him, and my voice trembles.

"He'll be placed in his godfather's custody for the time being," he says while walking away from me.

"Derek, stay away from my son," I say again, but stronger this time.

"He won't be harmed, Tris," he insists.

"And my mother?" I ask nervously, wondering how they found Andy, if they raided her house, if they hurt her.

Derek stops walking. "Technically, she should be charged with kidnapping… But I have far more important infractions to deal with." He turns around to say, "Everything I do, Tris, is for your benefit. Whether you believe it or not."

"That's too bad," I answer him. "Because I don't."

"You're right," he says softly. "It is too bad." And he looks me in the eye for what feels like a solid minute before walking out of the room.

All of a sudden I begin to feel a familiar wave of hopelessness. It comes and goes along with the ability to catch my breath and think straight. It's brought on by the sickening thought of this all ending horribly wrong, with Tobias and I charged as traitors and facing execution. It makes me sick to my stomach, but for a moment I wonder if Derek is purposefully backing me into a corner, or if he's right, and at the end of it all, the only real choice I have to make is whether I'll die with my husband or betray him in order to keep our son safe.

I scream out loud, trying to drown out my thoughts, because if it came down to it, I already know what I'd do, what Tobias would want me to do, and the reality of that is so painfully unbearable. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, while at the same time being obligated to, because I can't abandon my baby.


A/N: Tris has some difficult decisions here! Curious to hear your thoughts! And what do we think about Derek?
Thank you Bamberlee for being forever amazing and for making this story squeaky clean! :D #Beta