Chapter 22
TOBIAS
Darkness is the only thing I seem to be able to process during the first few moments when I start to wake. My mind is blank for a while, but then I start to feel discomfort, a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then fright follows when I remember where I was before I blacked out- protecting Tris from a flight of bullets. My heart begins to race and my mind follows soon after.
"Tris!" I suddenly cry out her name, looking for her in the blurry room. I try to sit myself up but I can't, and when I try to stretch out my arms I'm met with painful resistance. "Tris!" I yell for her again, but instead of hers, another familiar voice responds.
"Four, you're okay!" he says to me, and I feel his large hands on my shoulders. "Stay calm, you're in the infirmary!"
But I can't seem to stay calm; I need to know if she's okay. "Where's Tris?!" I groan in the loudest voice I can muster.
"Keep still!" he urges me, pushing me back down against the bed. "You'll hurt yourself!"
I think I already have. My abdomen hurts like hell, and so does my side, and both of my wrists. I lay flat on the bed though not by choice, and I stare up at the white ceiling. I can see it clearly now, even the texture of the concrete.
"Breathe," he says worriedly. "In and out. You're okay."
I try to listen; I take a few deep breaths to slow my heart and control my panic, but then an entirely new emotion surges inside me when I realize who's speaking to me.
"Harrison?" I whisper his name. And I turn to the left of me to see him standing there- the man who was more of a father to me than Marcus ever was, who taught me everything I knew and helped me become all that I am… or was, at least.
"That's right," he says, and even if I weren't looking right at him, I could hear the smile in his voice, "It's me."
It feels like I'm looking at a ghost, and then all of a sudden reality catches up to me and it begins to weigh on me like a ton of bricks on my back. I remember everything now- my life at Dauntless, my life with the factionless, and my thoughts become too difficult to put into words. I just lay there heaving and staring blankly at an old friend, hoping the comfort of his presence will be enough to help me keep my sanity as I process it all.
Suddenly there's the sound of metal clanking against metal, and I realize my hands are shaking. Harrison removes his arms from my shoulder and presses them on my hands instead. Looking into my eyes, he gently says, "You're home, Son, and I know that's both the best and worst thing that could ever happen to you. But we'll help you get through it."
I nod and I swallow so loudly it rings in my ears.
"Where's Tris? I want to see her," I say shakily, and I try to sit up again, but the pain makes my attempt pitiful. When I look down on my chest, I see a large, white tube sticking out of my side, and there's a long piece of gauze taped along the length of my abdomen.
"Don't try to move," Harrison warns me again. "Tris is locked up, but she's okay," he answers my question. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"Tris and I were running toward the gate. They had found us." I look at the cuffs around my wrists and I feel my face sink along with my mood. "Guess we didn't make it," I say grimly.
"You're alive," Harrison says strongly. "That's all that matters."
"Barely, it would appear," I say with the slightest chuckle, only half joking. I gesture at the tube in my side and ask, "What's all this?"
Harrison lets out a breath and he stands up straight, letting go of my hands. "You had surgery. Your insides took a beating, Four. Doc says you'll be down for a while." Harrison frowns a little, making more obvious the extra lines in his face he never had the last time I saw him. I also notice the extra grey hair; makes it seem like I've been gone a lot longer than five years.
"Well do you think you could have them take these off?" I look at the cuffs one more time and I try to wiggle my hand out of it, although I know better. "It's not like I'm gonna get up and run out of here."
He smiles at me and nods. "I'll see what I can do, Four."
"And… while you're at it, I'm fucking hungry. Could you bring me a burger from that deli close to the chasm?" I tease him, feeling my spirits lift just a little. "I'd kill for some Dauntless food right now." I can't deny I'm glad to be home and around a friend, regardless of the circumstances.
Harry crosses his arms, and he doesn't laugh with me. "You can't eat for ten days," he says lowly.
I give him an eye. "Funny."
"I'm not kidding, Four," Harrison shakes his head. I search his eyes for the punchline and come up very disappointed.
"Fuck," I mutter. "Anything else I should know?"
"Well, the chest tube stays in for a week."
I shrug. "What's one more hole in me?"
Harry loses control of himself at my unintentional dark humour, and before I know it he's laughing so hard with his arms around me. I wish I could hug him back. I wish I weren't handcuffed to a bed with tubes sticking out of me. I wish my mother never kidnapped me. I wish she had never found me at all.
"You can't imagine what the past few years have been like, Harry," I whisper, remembering how much I fought with myself and with Evelyn. I always knew something was wrong, but I never had an imagination wild enough to arrive at the truth.
Slowly, Harry lets me go, and he pulls up a chair and takes a seat beside the bed. He's pensive for a while, breathing evenly and saying nothing. He looks at me without staring, shifting his focus every few seconds.
I rarely saw this side of him- the Harry who wants to be there for you but truly doesn't know how. He almost always knows what to say, but sometimes there really are no words.
"You spoke to Zeke?" I ask him, wondering how much of the story he knows. The more, the better. The less I have to relive it. Remembering all that I do now, even thinking about it is so much harder. I thought I was angry before… but it's nothing compared to what I feel brewing inside me now.
"I did," Harry answers. "Can't say it wasn't terrifying to listen to."
"I can't quite put into words how I feel about it," I say gravely, staring at my toes. "She took everything from me, and had the audacity to try and justify herself." I feel my fingers start to shake again, and this time out of pure anger. I avoided her, I ignored the factionless messengers she sent to me, only for her to take me regardless of what I wanted. She made me help her become all that she is, and now all I want to do is destroy her.
"I'm sorry this happened to you, Four. God knows you didn't deserve it." Harrison can't help but stare at my abdomen. "Any of it."
I shrug it off, knowing it doesn't matter what I did or didn't deserve. "This is my reality now, and I have to see how I survive it."
"And survive it you will," he insists. "Because that's what you do. You take the shit people throw at you, and you overcome it."
I smile a little, remembering every single time Harrison ever gave me a pep-talk. He always seemed to have more faith in me than I did in myself. In a way he admired me as much as I admired him.
"And I know the circumstances are shit, and I know you're mad as fuck," he continues. I look up at him when he presses his hand against the bed. "But forgive me for being glad you're alive." He smiles at me.
I feel my body relax, and for a moment the anger dissipates. 'Where there is life, there is hope,' I once heard, and I find a brief moment of hope in the here and now and I cling to it, not sure how long it will last.
"I'm glad I remember everything now," I shake my head a little. "I'll need every bit of information inside my head if I'm going to stand a chance in a trial at Dauntless… and if I'm going to stop Evelyn."
"Do you know where she is now? We've been looking but they disappeared without a trace."
"I know all the possibilities, but she might choose to hide somewhere else if she thinks I'll betray her."
"It's okay," Harrison assures me. "I have someone on the inside. It's hard to get in contact with her sometimes, but she'll reach out soon enough. Did she find you?" he pinches his thick eyebrows together.
"Kate? Yeah, she did." And suddenly I remember the last thing she told me. "Fucking Chad!" I yell. "Kate told me it-"
"I know. I know," Harrison says quickly, and he urges me to be quiet, pressing a finger over his lips. "She told me too."
"You haven't told anyone," I ask him with a bit of surprise. I'm sure he's still in leadership; he's in a better position than anyone to deal with a traitor.
"Honestly, I'm not sure what to do with that information," he begins to confess. "Tris has been removed from leadership for obvious reasons and Zeke lost his leadership position for aiding Tris. And I don't trust Derek. I have no reason to believe he's any less guilty of treason than Chad. But it's our word against theirs. And unlike you, there's no evidence against either of them."
I nod, understanding the complexity of the situation, though I doubt Derek would mingle with the factionless. His superiority complex would never dare allow him to see them as equals.
"Doesn't matter though," I growl. "If Chad is still breathing by the time I get out of this place, he won't be for long." All this time that son of a bitch knew where I was, he knew I didn't belong there, he knew I was being used, he knew my wife and son were grieving for me. And after all that, he had the audacity to shoot me in the back. "He's easily earned himself a few bullets to the head."
"Oh, trust me, he has," Harry nods. "But I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Zeke- this is not a war we're going to win by force. We have to outsmart them or we'll lose our faction. Until we can prove him guilty, we can't touch him or we'll be digging ourselves in a far deeper hole. Especially since we don't know which side Derek's on."
I'd like to pretend he isn't right, but there's no way to legally come back from an unsanctioned killing of a faction leader. Reminds me of Max's trial. He almost got away with his crimes.
"But if Chad continues to relay information to Evelyn, we'll lose our faction either way. The minute she finds out I got my memories back, she'll attack. She won't risk me trying to stop it."
"Fuck." He holds his forehead. "So how do you suggest we take him out of the picture?"
"I'll have to give it some serious thought." I sigh. "As long as he's a leader, whatever Derek knows, he knows. There's no way to keep information from him."
"And what about Derek? How much information should we keep from him?"
"I'll take care of Derek," I say with a smirk. "I know how he plays. Five minutes with him and I'll know where he stands."
Harrison nods. "And if he's not with Chad and Evelyn, we begin to clear a path to Chad's conviction."
But that's a gross oversimplification.
"A far too lengthy path that unfortunately involves Derek actually listening to me. He's never enjoyed having to do that," I remind him grimly.
"If the evidence against Chad is strong enough, he'll have to."
"Technically, Derek doesn't have to do anything." I remember the power that came along with my previous position in Dauntless. It's one of the reasons why I never wanted it, and not wanting it was the reason Harrison convinced me I was the best person for it.
Harry sighs into his palms. "Well for argument's sake, let's say Derek does listen."
I'd scoff loudly if I weren't sure it would hurt like hell. "Then I'd start to suspect I've woken up in an alternate reality."
"Yeah?" he laughs. "And what happens next in this alternate reality?"
"Oh, that's easy, Harry," I grin. "We kill Chad. I'm sure Tris would be glad to do the honours."
"Honestly, I'm surprised she hasn't killed him already," he says thoughtfully. "Derek had him guarding her; Zeke and I had to intervene. She was at the brink of snapping his neck."
"I'd pay good points to watch that," I grin wickedly, imagining my wife getting the justice she deserves. "I don't know what would be more satisfying- watching Tris kick ass, or watching Chad get his ass beat. Who the fuck cares if it's not real?"
Harrison laughs at this for a minute, and then he earnestly says, "I've missed you, Four." I turn to look at him. "You know when Kate told me there was a new leader among the factionless, I never in a million years would have thought it was you."
"How do you know Kate?" I suddenly wonder. "How did you know you could trust her?"
"She's my niece, actually," he confesses, and it catches me by surprise. They look nothing alike. "Closest thing I have to a daughter," he adds. "I never told anyone this but I had a little sister… she followed me to Dauntless but didn't make it through initiation. She was forced to live factionless and I never heard from her again." His face sinks, understandably so.
As an only child, I can't imagine what it must be like to be separated from your siblings the way Tris was separated from her brother and Harrison from his sister. "What's her name?" I ask, wondering if I had ever met Harrison's sister without knowing, although Kate never mentioned her mother.
"Hannah," he says with a small smile. "But I doubt you knew her, if that's what you're thinking. Kate found me to tell me she had died a few years before… and well… she looked so much like her mother I couldn't stay away." Though he smiles, his eyes hold a hint of sadness. "She's a brave and strong young woman. She would have done well here if given the chance."
I instantly agree. "She definitely would have," and I can't help but smile. Kate has always been her own person, defiant and opinionated. I was never drawn to her romantically, but she was far more interesting than most and I always respected her.
Harry clears his throat and raises an eyebrow at me. "Something you want to tell me?"
I catch myself and I retract my smile, tucking it away as if it were never there. "Not really," I huff, annoyed that my face gave me away.
"Does Tris know?" he asks knowingly, and with a bit of concern in his voice.
"She does… and she knows it's no threat to her," I answer honestly. My heart aches as I think about how Trist must feel knowing I was with someone else, even if it meant nothing to me.
"Good. Then it's in the past."
I hope it is. Tris and I were always each other's one and only and I guess that's not true anymore for either of us. I'm not sure how it'll affect us. In fact, I hope it doesn't affect us at all. I believe that in the wide array of things we have against us, we needn't worry about things we can't change or things we couldn't help. All that matters now is getting our lives back and keeping our son safe.
"How's my girl, Harry?" I ask him, and I know he can hear the heartbreak in my voice, but I don't care. I've never hidden how much I love Tris, not from anyone.
"She's scared," Harrison answers with a careful tone. "I can't tell you the last time I saw Tris scared."
The thought of her locked up alone in a cell somewhere inside this compound makes me sick to my stomach.
"She's worried about Andy. I am too," I say, and though I can't remember the last time I prayed, I thank God Andy wasn't with us when they found us. "I have a son, Harry." I look up at my old friend with untainted emotion on my face. "I have a son."
"I know," he smiles at me proudly and sets his hand on my own. "I'm his Godfather."
"He told me," I say with a small grin, remembering the afternoon Andy and I sat and talked about everything he wanted to talk about. "I'm surprised Zeke didn't put up a fight."
"Oh, he did!" Harrison cackles. "And he lost." His face falls slowly and he says, "Listen, someone tipped Derek off that Andy was in Abnegation." I feel my fists clench and I'm about to yell at the top of my lungs when Harry hurriedly says, "Don't worry, Four. They're going to bring him back today and he'll be with me until we sort this whole thing out. Your son will be safe."
My breaths are heavy, but I trust Harrison, and that's the only reason I try to stay calm. But if anything happens to my son, Derek will never again see the light of day. Fuck their laws.
"And when can I see Tris? I need her to know I'm okay or she'll worry herself to death. "
"I had her brought in yesterday when you were still asleep."
"Bring her back," I plead. I think I might want to see her more than she wants to see me. I just want to hold her again, tell her I remember every precious moment with her, watch her beautiful smile and let it take away everything that ails me right now.
"Technically, she wasn't even supposed to be here before. You're both suspects in an ongoing investigation and therefore should have no contact," he reminds me. "You know that. You know every inch of that damn protocol book."
I do. "Which is how I know that after both Tris and I give a detailed, recorded statement, a plea can be made to lift the separation order, especially considering that we're married."
Harrison smiles at me though I don't smile back. "I'll look into it," he says. "And if you want to go that route, you need to get your story in order. Your statement needs to be as detailed as possible in order to give strength to your case."
"Even so, I'll need more than just my word. I'll need evidence." I stare off at the room door wondering exactly how the fuck I'm going to prove my innocence.
"What about the serum?" Harrison suggests. "Where did Evelyn get it?"
"Amity," I answer. "That's where they found us. We were talking to their leader about how to reverse it."
"Johanna?" He crosses his arms and sits back in the chair.
"Yes," I reply. "You know her?"
"I may have met her once or twice," he says. "I'll try to get in touch and see if she'd be willing to testify. There's no way they can undermine the testimony of a faction leader, especially one as neutral as Johanna. It might be enough for them to drop the treason charges at least, for both you and Tris."
"It might. It might not," I whisper, being well aware of my chances. There is nothing typical about any of this, and given the circumstances, it's hard not to be pessimistic. "At the end of the day, it all boils down to Derek, and how fair he's planning to play."
Harry tilts his head a little. "And if we find out he is with Chad and Evelyn?"
I scoff, thinking of how much simpler that would make things. Technically, Harrison could lead a coup and reinstate Zeke and Tris, since proving Derek and Chad's guilt would actually be far easier than proving my innocence. And if Derek's proved a traitor, he dies instead of me.
"I should be that lucky."
A/N: TOBIAS IS AWAKE! :D And with his memories intact! What do you guys think happens next? R&R :D
