I stared out the window at the nice, sunny day as I considered the events of the past month. Lance still hadn't been found, to Maximus's frustration and my terror. On top of that Maximus has been stretched thin lately with all of his regular duties and watching out for me. While the news about Lance bothered me, I couldn't do anything about it so it was better to focus on what I could do. Help Maximus. Now I just had to figure out how to do that…

Most of his duties were training the guards, reports and other such things that I wouldn't know the first thing about. Thus making me very little help. It was frustrating to watch him collapse into bed with me at the end of the day while doing his best to mask just how exhausted he was. Thankfully I had managed to convince him to cut back on our dates, thus giving him more calm, down time with me at the castle instead of planning an elaborate outing. While I loved going out with him, staying in was just as fine and it was considerably easier on him right now with everything else already on his plate.

One of those dates was planned to take place in a few hours, but I wasn't sure if Maximus would be up to it. He hadn't even come to bed last night due to using every last minute available to complete his work early… Ever since we had furthered our physical relationship, the memory sending tingles through my chest and moving downward before I distracted myself, he had been spending most nights with me. Now it wasn't due to nightmares, although they did continue to happen.

Falling asleep in his arms and waking up to his face, when I woke up before him that was, are two of my new favorite things to enjoy. Just the thought of his sleep tousled hair made warmth spread through my chest and wrap around my heart. Oh yeah, I had it bad...

I shook myself out of my thoughts when a knock came from the doorway, I hadn't bothered to close it so Vlad's profile was visible. I was mildly surprised to not see Leila behind him, so far whenever he had something to say to me she was right behind him…

He didn't beat around the bush, pushing on to the reason he decided to visit swiftly. "I've been hearing your concerns about Maximus's health and you are correct that his workload has increased. Unfortunately you are also correct that most of it isn't anything you can help with. The search for Lance in particular captivates much of his time. Knowing that there is an active threat to you wandering the streets holds his attention, understandably."

That didn't make me feel better about this situation. Lance could be in the wind for any amount of time, I don't want Maximus to keep running himself ragged like he is… Vlad nodded in answer to my thoughts.

"Yes, I have brought that to his attention but he insists that he is fine as he is. I've cut down on his former duties but only so much can be delegated, what with my not having a suitable replacement for him. I thought you would like to know however that Samir will be returning from his overseas task and once he returns that should reduce the amount of stress on Maximus exponentially."

I deflated with relief at the news. I may not be able to do anything about his exhaustion, but it would be coming to an end soon. That's all that mattered. Maybe we could take a walk through the indoor garden later, it would give him some clear air to breath and we could still spend some time together.

As plans began to form, Vlad brought me back to the present again. "Yes, any of those would work and I can guarantee he would enjoy all of them. Whichever you plan to implement, just know that Samir should be back within days. This gives you a basic time frame to decide what you wish to do and should you require any aid, let me know. Maximus is my oldest friend and I enjoy seeing him happy with you."

I nodded absentmindedly as a thought hit, I hadn't realized before but Vlad hadn't moved from the doorway during our discussion. While that could have just been him not wanting to invade my space, I got the feeling it was more than that, what with Leila not being with him.

He confirmed my thoughts when he said, "I am well aware of your dislike for having males other than Maximus within a certain distance to you. I understand better than most why that is and thus I do my best to keep my distance, as to not make you uncomfortable. That is also why when I must address something with you, I generally have Leila escort me. She is doing a routine at the moment and I didn't want to interrupt her. You seem to be handling this distance well, therefore I shall stay here as we speak."

His consideration was touching, especially since there wasn't an ounce of pity in his words. Nothing was more frustrating or degrading than pity…

He hummed his agreement before continuing, "Yes, I also understand loathing when others pity you. The emotion is a useless one and I have no place for it in my life. I didn't when I was imprisoned and raped as a child and I still don't now."

His admission made me jerk around to look at him in astonishment, I had never thought something like that had happened to him. Then again, maybe I should have. He had mentioned disliking touch just as I do, not to mention his complete understanding of my own difficulties with it. The only person who could understand such things was someone else who had gone through it.

I hated to think of such things being done to any child, but I wasn't naive. Evil people existed in this world and unfortunately it was generally the innocent who paid for their crimes. Shaking off my thoughts and the depressing turn they were taking, I focused on my confusion. While I was grateful he had told me such a personal part of his past, I wasn't sure why he had done so.

Was it an offer to listen if I needed it? Or was he just telling me so I knew that he truly understood where I was coming from? My answer came with a hard smile, "While I only intended it to be the latter, the former is also available to you. Everyone handles such traumas differently, but don't feel shame for how you cope. As long as you survive through it and continue to make yourself live your life then there is no shame in the lasting effects the events have on you. Should you ever need or want to discuss your injury or the problems you may be having I am here."

I felt my eyes fill before I quickly blinked the tears back, I never thought I would find anyone who understood. After I had told my mother about my problems following my...rape and she had dismissed them or in some cases even ridiculed my efforts. I had thought I would just have to muddle through alone. Having someone I could ask some of my never ending questions to was something I never thought I would have.

Before I could chicken out, I asked one of the ones that never seemed to leave my mind. "Does it get better? It happened years ago, but I don't seem to be getting better with people other than Maximus and Leila. I can't handle crowds well, packed places are a nightmare for more reasons than just my chair, and I still panic when I'm touched in certain areas unexpectedly."

That hadn't been a fun experience to find out, poor Maximus had apologized profusely for sending me into an attack but I had done my best to reassure him that setbacks happened and I was still perfectly fine. It hadn't been his fault anyway, he hadn't purposefully rubbed his erection against me in his sleep after all. Considering that he had woken up to me completely panicking, he handled it considerably well. Thankfully he wasn't guilty about that anymore, but he had been a lot more focused when he woke up to be sure I didn't need him to move.

Vlad's mouth twisted down into a hard frown, his copper gaze darkening as he considered my question. "It is different for every person. It took me well over four decades before I willingly allowed someone to touch me in such a manner, but I know of others who were happy to be touched within a week of leaving their circumstances. As for your difficulties with crowds and such, there are some things that you will have to live with, things that won't leave you no matter how much you wish them to. I still loathe it when people touch me without my leave and I most likely always will. While I have gotten more lenient on what I will do in sexual matters, there are some activities I will never do. Leila and I already discussed this in length and there is no shame in admitting where my boundaries lie. As long as you discuss your problems with Maximus, he will be more than happy to support you as you learn to survive with those disabilities. Some may fade in time, but it is important to not let those that stay take over your life."

I thought about his words and they gave me hope. If he could come back from being imprisoned as a boy, then I would drag myself back from my own trauma. It wasn't as if I was alone, I had Maximus and Leila. And by the sound of it, I had Vlad too. That was more than I had ever had for a support network before my injury…

As I considered what he said about not allowing those difficulties to take over my life, I thought on my dislike of touch. Touching Maximus didn't really count as working toward being better since I enjoyed feeling his hands on me, and Leila usually wore gloves so the skin crawling effect was muted. I didn't want to ask some random person to help either. I chewed my lip as a tentative thought took form.

Maybe, if I started small with something like a handshake and worked my way up from there it might help. Would he mind though? I wasn't the only one that didn't like touch after all. Remembering his mind reading ability, I met his eyes while doing my best not to fidget with my hands as I waited for his answer.

A slow smile curled Vlad's lips as he nodded, "Good, you're already making steps toward taking control of your life back. That is important and I have no problem if you wish to test that on me. A handshake is fine."

He still didn't move from the doorway and I took that as my cue to roll over to him. The closer I got, the more my nerves climbed but I stubbornly pushed them down. This was Vlad, my sister's husband, and he was no threat. Well, not to me at least. His lips twitched in amusement but he showed no other emotions as he held out his hand and waited.

I stared at it for a moment, the hair on my neck standing on end as I made my arm move to grip the offering. I felt the sweat building on my palm, my nerves firing up as I felt his scarred hand surround mine. Momentarily I felt a flash of panic and nearly jolted my hand back, but I forced myself to breath through it and leave my hand where it was.

I repeated that this was Vlad to myself as I breathed, making sure to focus on the now and not the overwhelming urge to snatch my hand back and itch at the skin. Vlad, for his part, kept a blank face as I struggled through my heavier emotions. I only dropped my hand when the suffocating panic began to recede on its own. While I probably could have left it in his for a while longer until the fear completely dissolved, I didn't want to take up too much of his time. It was nice of him to do this for me, I wouldn't keep him long.

Vlad let his hand fall to his side, his face losing its impassive mask to fall into a proud look. His smile curled devilishly at the side as he nodded with satisfaction. "You're stronger than you believe, keep that in mind when your mind tells you otherwise."

With that, he turned and left as silently as he came. I took a deep breath as the last of my panic drained away and an odd feeling of accomplishment overtook me. Vlad had been proud of me for taking that step and while I was too embarrassed to say it to his face, that pride meant a lot to me. How long had it been since someone had genuinely been proud of something I did? At least four years…

I dragged myself back to the present, still glowing from the fragile bond that had begun to form between Vlad and I. While I had spent more time with Leila than Vlad, I could easily see myself becoming close with him as well. Possibly even coming to see him as an older brother figure, if all went well.

My thoughts were interrupted by Maximus entering the room, nearly tripping over me due to my not moving from the doorway after Vlad had left. He blinked in confusion at my choice of stopping places as my face flamed. I pushed it down ruthlessly, instead choosing to smile up at my boyfriend who upon further inspection looked even more tired than he had yesterday to my chagrin.

"Hey, you done for the day?" I made sure my voice was softer than normal, after he told me about how painful his hearing could be after a particularly exhausting day I had made a point of lowering my volume when I greeted him. His answering smile told me he appreciated it as he lowered himself to wrap me into a hug.

"Yes, praise the Lord. I have the rest of the afternoon clear for whatever you wish to do. We could go into town if you'd like? The restaurant you previously enjoyed is open for a few more hours." While I liked the thought of going back to where we had our first date, I didn't want to do that while he looked ready to fall asleep standing.

"That sounds wonderful but how about a rain check? I think I just want a lazy day with you, no one but us and nothing going on except a movie or something. If you want to go outside we can go for a walk in the garden? It's pretty out right now." Maximus's smile hardened around the edges, the sight sending a chill up my spine before he spoke.

"I know why you're saying that and you don't need to worry about my health. I will tell you as I told Vlad earlier today, I am fine. If you want to go into town, then we will. I've survived much worse over the years than being mildly sleep deprived and if your company is the reward then it is more than a fair trade."

While his words were flattering, his hard tone made me feel uneasy. Why couldn't he understand that I didn't want to go out if he wouldn't be enjoying it too? I loved his company no matter where we were, I just wanted him to relax with me. I chewed my lip as I carefully worded my next statement. "I know you can handle it, you survived through the Crusades after all. But I don't want you to have to handle it. I like being around you, no matter what we are doing. I would be happier watching a movie together in my room where we can cuddle and you can rest, than if we went out while you are obviously tired and won't be able to enjoy it as much."

When he opened his mouth to object, I gripped his hands again. "Please Maximus? Vlad said Samir will be coming back soon and if you want, once you catch up on your sleep, then we can continue our in town dates. But I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing that you're exhausted while we were out."

He clicked his mouth shut, his scowl carved deep into his face as he sighed through his nose. "I just want to provide for you, however I am able. It feels wrong to not be doing that…"

The words tugged on my heart, yet another reminder of his past relationships and their horrid standards. If he wasn't doing something for his partner then he didn't feel comfortable. The thought of his mistreatment for so many years frustrated me to no end, but I put that to the side for now and focused on convincing him that it was also perfectly fine to accept comfort when he needed it.

I tugged on his hands until he knelt to be face to face with me, his thighs settling against my chair before I leaned our foreheads together. My hands worked into his hair, gently massaging his scalp and making his eyes slide closed in bliss. I trailed my mouth against his cheek, breathing my next words softly against his temple. "I appreciate that, but Maximus I want to take care of you too. You always take such wonderful care of me, whether you're comforting me after a nightmare or cooking me dinner just because you know I have difficulty reaching the counter top. I want to return the favor and be where you go when you need to rest and recharge from the bad days. Can I do that for you?"

Familiar arms encased me as he burrowed his face into my shoulder, his nose rubbing against my pulse point as he gave in. "Alright, but once Samir arrives we will be going out and doing whatever you choose. No restrictions and no time frames." I squeezed him closer as I hummed in agreement, enjoying the feel of his hair against my cheek and his weight leaning against my front.

"Now that it is decided, do you want to switch to my bed? Maybe a movie or two and then we can go take a stroll through the indoor gardens?" A nod against my neck was the answer, his body sluggishly pulling up to walk over to the bed. Every move cost him herculean effort, the process of removing his boots seeming to take all the leftover energy he had before as he swayed slightly from his sitting position on the bed.

It was a good thing we were staying in, I don't want to imagine how exhausting it would have been for him if we had gone out. Rolling over to him, I kissed him before curling my hands into the hem of his shirt. It had become a ritual of sorts for us at bedtime for me to remove his shirt. His pants usually stayed on unless we were planning on exploring more and tonight was no different.

As I carefully tugged the shirt over his head and threw it into the nearby laundry basket, I took a moment to appreciate how adorable he was like this. His hair rustled beyond recognition, his eyes unfocused from how tired he was and the warm smile he gave me as he flopped backwards onto the bed made me grin. I was insanely lucky to have him, and if all went well I would never be letting him go.

As he helped me remove my shirt and we curled up together to enjoy whatever movie we decided on, I sent a prayer of thanks to whoever was listening that I got to have these moments with this wonderful man. I wouldn't trade them for the world.