Sorry that it took so long to get this written! I find that writing difficult conversations (there are a few in this chapter) are difficult to write, so it took quite a while to work through the chapter. I will focus more on the Initiation in the upcoming chapters, and soon enough the fanfiction will cross with the events of Divergent. For now, though, please read (review if you like, too) and enjoy it!

Again, I don't own the world of Divergent or any of the books referenced. The only pieces I own are Marianne, this specific plot/writing, and the other initiates!

I opened my eyes to find myself in my bed. It was dark out. Quiet.

"There was a glitch in the system, but I resolved it."

A glitch. There weren't just glitches in Jeanine's system. A glitch in her system could only mean one thing. An anomaly. A divergent.

Jeanine sat at the foot of my bed. She held a mug, one that was always filled with coffee (but by the distressed look on Jeanine's face, it was most likely alcohol).

I couldn't bear to make eye contact with her. I was disappointed. I was an anomaly- what she hated most. What she'd kill.

"Are you feeling alright, Marianne?"

No, I wasn't feeling alright. I was as far from alright as was humanly possible.

Still, I nodded. "Yes, what happened?"

"You collapsed, right after we… I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have lost it on you."

Why not, though? Wasn't I an imperfection to the world? In her eyes, did I even matter?

I was caught up in a state of emotional stupidity. Without thinking, I did the furthest thing from reasonable. I blurted out, "Am I Divergent?"

I prayed- prayed that Jeanine would ask me why I'd think so and turn me down almost immediately. I wanted to hear the impossible truth, for her to tell me that I was as Erudite as possible, that I was purely tied to one faction like I was supposed to be. But Jeanine didn't. Instead, there was an awkward silence. Jeanine looked down at her hands, clearly thinking to herself about how to reply to such a blunt, straight-forward question. I stared at her, dying in anticipation of her answer. I already dreadfully regretted bringing up the subject.

"Yes, you are," she replied, voice rather distressed. I wasn't what she wanted me to be. I could see the pain in her eyes. "But I love you, Marianne. You're different from the others in so many ways. In good ways."

I didn't say anything. What was there to say?

"You will do well in Erudite, that I know. How you are Divergent, I-" Jeanine was at a loss for words. She shook her head. "Just don't tell anyone, Marianne. No one can know that I've made an exception."

I nodded without hesitation. It was almost a shock that Jeanine was being so lenient, yet at the same time, it was reassuring. It meant that she wasn't a total tyrant. We were quiet for a moment. I looked down at the blanket which covered me, hesitant to reply.

"You've always called Divergents monsters. "Does that mean-" My voice seemed so small. I was quiet, far too easily showing how scared I was. It was an unspoken rule as a Matthews to never be openly emotional. We both were supposed to be so strong, so powerful…

"Don't even think about it," Jeanine grabbed my hand. "You're a prodigy. My prodigy." She stared into my eyes, her cold gaze harsh. I grew quite nervous, but I didn't tear away. "The others may be monsters, but you're the furthest thing from them."

"I love you, Mom," I whispered. She leaned over and pulled me into a hug. I was shaking, absolutely terrified. Her reassurance had done nothing. She told me I could trust her, but in my experience, no one could trust Jeanine, not even her own daughter.


Class the next day was boresome. They attempted to teach us the basics of genetics. I knew everything from Pedigree charts to DNA replication due to prior knowledge, so it was more of a review than anything. I took detailed notes due to habit. It usually was smart to go off teacher provided knowledge rather than my own (I tended to be right, but there were rare occasions where my understanding of a subject was flawed).

We met with the transfers for lunch to help integrate them into our faction. Adrian, being the flirt that he was, took a seat at my table. Quite a few other transfers did the same. Normally, no one would speak to me. Growing up, the only reasons people talked to me were to get close to me so they someday might be noticed by Jeanine Matthews. But through that, Adrian didn't strike me as that sort of person- he seemed like he genuinely wanted to get to know me.

Everyone went around the table and introduced themselves. We began with Adrian and then went clockwise.

"I'm Amy, former Candor," a redhead introduced herself with a slight smile. Amy was easily the prettiest of the group- I was nowhere near as striking as she yet Adrian didn't seem all too interested in her, even though she looked absolutely gorgeous in her blue outfit.

"Brad, Amity," said a lean boy with glasses and messy blonde hair.

"Evangeline, Candor."

"Jade, Amity."

Jade and Evangeline looked like sisters. You would never have been able to tell they weren't from the same faction of origin. They were both brunettes with the prettiest hazel eyes.

"Jack, Dauntless."

Jack was nothing special, at least in my eyes. He had light hair, cut too close to his head. His hair offset his entire appearance. Muscles didn't do everything for him.

I was never going to remember a single one of their names. That was a guarantee.

When it was my turn, the group was a little shocked upon being reminded of who my mother was, or maybe they were more shocked by Adrian's bold move to sit with me. Either way, the table seemed quite surprised.

"No way, you're Jeanine's daughter? I thought that was someone else!" Evangeline gasped, wide-eyed.

I nodded, "Yes, that's me." I didn't care to discuss the subject in detail, it was something I had to explain constantly. No one would accept it normal to be the daughter of Erudite's leader- they were either impressed or intimidated with no compromise.

The table went around discussing their fears for the upcoming exams. They all seemed so anxious when compared to the more experienced Erudite-born.

Jade and Evangeline were pleasant for the most part. Jade seemed to have the intelligence that was needed to thrive in Erudite, but Evangeline seemed to be a bit too soft for such a hard-edged faction. Erudite wasn't for the weak, it took persistence and tenacity to succeed. Jack would fit in just well, he was no catch but certainly had the brains to pass the initiation. And then there was Adrian.

Adrian, the smartass who made the bold moves- the boy who dared speak with someone who others despised out of fear. Talking with him in a group made me admire him even more. He spoke with assurance, confident with his words. He'd grown up somewhere full of brutes and came out a scholar.

If I'd grown up in a different faction, I might die. I could not possibly imagine being denied books and research material (outside of school). The others had all easily managed, but it wasn't of my character to do well without education. Seeing this new group really opened my eyes to the privilege I had, being in Erudite my whole life.

"So what positions do you think you'll explore?" I asked thoughtfully, in an attempt to drive the conversation in a way that could be further used to my advantage. "I'm going to focus on sciences, as one would expect from me, probably." I laughed.

"Haven't really thought about it," Evangeline admitted with a shrug. "I'm too focused on trying not to fail my exams."

Jade nodded in agreement, "I'm with the Candor, but now that I do think of it, probably something related to books. I'm not a science sort of gal." Almost everyone but for Adrian and I mumbled something in agreement.

"And you, Adrian? You don't seem to be with the rest of the group," I spoke with a slight smile. "Care to tell us your interest?"

"I hope to become a teacher, Marianne. I want to teach others about how our world works. I think it's astonishing how few people take a moment to value education. Without good teachers, none of us would be here in Erudite right now. Our entire society would not function," Adrian shrugged. "I just think it's necessary that we, as people, take our chance to help better our society's future."

"That's a very thorough answer," I laughed a bit, "I wasn't expecting that from you."

"What were you expecting, then?" Adrian frowned, "Just because I'm from Dauntless doesn't mean that I'm any less thoughtful than you."

"I-" I couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed. I hadn't meant to put Adrian down like that, and after rethinking what I'd said, it did sound quite rude. "I'm sorry, Adrian. Remind me to watch my tongue."

"Noted," Adrian said with an eye-roll.

"When does class start again?" I wondered aloud. "I'm yet to memorize the schedule."

Almost immediately after I finished speaking, the bell rang. Erudite did not tend to give long lunch breaks; the more time wasted eating was less time advancing.

"I'll see you all on Monday," I said with a smile, "It's been nice to meet you!"

"You too, Marianne," Evangeline grinned, "Goodbye!"

When we parted, Adrian barely said a word. Our brief conversation had ticked him off. I feel horrible about the whole ordeal, but I had greater things to worry about. For example, my performance in my next class. If I didn't come at the top of Initiation, I would most likely be slaughtered by Jeanine, who tended to have high standards for me. She was so controlling of my life.


After the Initiation classes, I returned home. I was shocked to see my mother sitting down and laughing on the couch with a man. I don't think a male had entered our house since we had to get our shower fixed seven years ago. Even more shocking, Jeanine was supposed to be at work. Who could this man be to coax her out of her practice?

I entered quietly, not wanting to bother Jeanine and the stranger. I was overcome with curiosity but my brain told me not to intrude on whatever was taking place on the couch. I sat criss-cross applesauce on my bed, a set of notecards in front of me. I sighed, not entirely in the right mentality for studying. There was a lot on my mind. Adrian, Jeanine, and the man.

About five minutes later, I stood up and walked into the kitchen to make myself some chamomile tea. Jeanine was still talking to him- they seemed to get on well. She hadn't even noticed my coming in.

The two stood up and Jeanine looked in my direction. She looked at the man and said something quietly so I couldn't hear. It took me a moment to realize why. This man wasn't Erudite- he was Abnegation. It was Andrew Prior, one of the council members. I looked back and forth between Jeanine and Andrew with shock.

"Marianne," said Jeanine, her face free of worry, "This is Andrew Prior. He's visiting regarding a question I had about Abnegation for research."

"Oh," I nodded and smiled ever so slightly. "Would either of you like some tea? I'm just putting the kettle on now."

Andrew shook his head, "No thanks, I'm just leaving."

"I'll have a cup, Marianne. Thank you."

Jeanine led Andrew out and reentered a minute or so later.

"I'm sorry that took so long, Marianne. The two of us hadn't talked in years."

"It's okay, Mom. I don't mind. I'm just glad that you're actually conversing with the Abnegation. A year ago, I know you wouldn't have dared to think so."

"I wouldn't have up until yesterday," Jeanine sighed. "But things change. People change. And that's what I'm trying to do."

"Oh."

I was actually quite surprised. Jeanine was somehow seriously trying to change her actions as a result of my Divergence.

"So how are your classmates?" Jeanine quickly tried to change the subject. "Are there any transfers I should know about?"

I thought about it for a moment before shaking my head. "None of who I've talked to are going to pursue the sciences. Besides, most everyone seems sweet, not durable."

"Well, I'd assume you'd call that boy sweet," Jeanine's words came off as harsh. I could tell her tone was not at all how she'd intended to sound.

I sighed, "Will I ever be allowed to keep my affections private? If it makes you happy, I do not care for him anymore. He misinterpreted something and made far too big of a deal about it."

Jeanine almost looked disappointed, yet her words offset her appearance. "That's less of a distraction, Marianne. You'll be better off for it." There was relief in her voice. I could only assume she was glad that I wouldn't be the center of trouble. She looked down, avoiding my eyes. "Have I ever told you about my experiences with men?"

"No, I don't think so," I said with a frown. She'd always been so quiet about my father, not giving anything away. I think it was because she was ashamed of their relationship.

"When I was fifteen, I was madly in unrequited love with an Erudite boy. Andrew Prior. He transferred out of Erudite into Abnegation, and a few years later I heard that he was married to a woman named Natalie. You can imagine how heartbroken I was."

There was a moment of silence. I slowly nodded, "That must've been… horrible."

"I swore off men for a few years, but eventually a man came along named Ethan and we started pursuing a relationship, but as time went by I realized I still loved Andrew. I was only with Ethan because it felt good to be loved…" Jeanine looked down, her shame all too evident. For once, I knew that she wasn't lying.

"I was greedy- I wanted and received a love that I didn't return. But Ethan was so damn clueless. About seventeen years ago, I discovered that I was pregnant with you. But before I could even tell Ethan- I'd kept my secret for as long as I could- he died in a lab accident. The guilt has haunted me ever since. I've always told you to avoid boys… I don't want you ever to be heartbroken. I was so jealous of the Priors that I let my own affairs spiral out of hand."

I was absolutely speechless. Jeanine had had all that pain cooped up for years, and only now was \ sharing that information with me. How could I react? For someone as intelligent as me, I had no clue how to answer her. I was never good at talking to her, to begin with. And… and to know that my father was dead, that Jeanine hadn't even loved him. I only knew one way to respond.

I took a deep breath. I suddenly realized I hadn't even noticed the kettle's whistle. "Let me finish the tea."

I tried to ignore Jeanine's frustration- she was drumming her worn-down fingernails on the white marble counter. "Marianne, I told you this because I believe it will be beneficial to you. I'm sorry you're struggling to process it, but it's all I can do to help explain my train of thought. I'm a very complex person, and I do everything for a reason. If you can't accept this, then we might have a problem."

"Mother, I do understand your reasoning, I've just wondered about my father for years and now you tell me that you were- are!- in love with this other man instead of my father the whole time! According to your story, I wasn't born out of love- I was born out of jealousy and regret! And that you might judge me for not knowing how to react? Act rationally!"

I went to bed without eating that night.


I did not speak with Jeanine until the next morning. It was the weekend, to my relief, which meant no stress for a temporary period of time. No stress besides the inevitable argument which would take place when my mother set eyes on me.

The first thing I did was make a shitload of black tea. I would need the caffeine boost. Jeanine wasn't awake, to my relief, so I picked a leisure reading book out of our bookshelf (a romantic novel set far, far before the factions) and plopped down on the couch.

The novel, Sense and Sensibility, was written about three sisters (funnily enough, one was named Marianne) and their mother who were forced out of their estate due to their half-brother inheriting it. The elder two sisters were best friends. I'd never had a friendship like that with anybody. The only constant aspects of my life were my love-hate relationship with my mother and the resulting academic pressures.

I yearned to have a friendship, but so many factors of my life prevented me from having one. My reputation was in no means positive, but that wasn't my fault. It resulted from Jeanine being an absolute force of nature and causing all of her inferiors to have an intimidation-spawned hatred for she and I. I didn't deserve any of the hate I received. I never gave any hate in return- I never had the nerve when it involved a fellow Erudite. I was a relatively respectful child, all too timid due to consistent scoldings.

I became lost in the Dashwood siblings' affairs. It was a good hour before a well-rested Jeanine came walking out of her bedroom door and into our living room. There were circles under her eyes- she went straight to the refrigerator and poured herself a glass of iced tea. Neither of us spoke a word- I occasionally glanced up from my book to see what she was doing. Absolutely nothing. Jeanine stared off into space as she stood at the counter, drinking her tea.

I didn't know what to say, but I felt like I needed to break the silence. I was doing myself no good by not talking to her. I needed to talk to her. I needed to explain what I did at school yesterday. I needed to express my apology. But most importantly, I needed her to tell me about my father. The truth had finally come out, and I'd reacted in the worst way possible.

I honestly think the few things I enjoyed most in conversation were the sharing of stories, ideas, and opinions. Never before had I reacted so negatively to a simple, innocent story. However, that was the problem, Jeanine's story hadn't been innocent. She'd lied to a man and told him that she loved him, while at the same time she was still pining after a man whom she could never truly love. In the depths of my mind, her situation reminded me of Scarlett O'Hara, Rhett Butler, and Ashley Wilkes, except this time around, the woman had the power.

Despite all this, I had neglected her feelings and that wasn't okay. I had put my own overwhelming emotions first, being entirely inconsiderate. I know that's what Abnegation stood against, and that it was wrong (according to Jeanine) to think any of their values remotely right, but at that moment in time, I was so overcome with guilt.

"I'm sorry," I admitted, having dreaded the words for too long. Jeanine said nothing, her mind evidently still elsewhere. I looked down at my hands, not knowing how to make the silence less awkward. I hated apologies and hard conversations in general. What was there to do to distract yourself from the inevitable clashing of thoughts?

Jeanine finally spoke while walking over to where I sat. "Marianne, it was a difficult piece of information to take in. You had every right to react the way you did. Did it hurt me? Well, yes, but I needed to hear it." She took a seat across from me. "You're a much stronger person than I was at your age. I was always too emotionally attached to one boy and you seem to hop from crush to crush with little care. I wish I would've been more like you."

I… that was the most flattering thing she'd ever said to me in the sixteen years of my life. I had in no means expected anything kind like that to come out of her mouth, ever. That just wasn't her personality. No matter how much Jeanine faked kindness to others, I always received the full blow of her true hatred and remorse for the world.

I returned her smile, completely lost in the kindness of her words. "Thank you so much, Mom." I meant it with all my heart. I didn't care if Jeanine was lying or if it was the truth- those words had come out of her mouth and that's all I could focus on.

Jeanine flashed me a smile and stood up. "I'm going to go for a walk outside. Care to join me?"

"Of course," I nodded, setting my book aside.

We walked through the neatly-kept experimental herb gardens for a good amount of time, occasionally chatting with one another but keeping to ourselves for the most part. The two of us were such a quiet pair, both introverted and intellectual. Like mother like daughter, we always joked, and it wasn't exactly a lie. I had no clue how I could be Divergent when I was so similar to the pure Erudite preceding me. Jeanine was the model Erudite, and I'd lived my entire life trying to be like her. The only difference was the true warmth to my personality that Jeanine, for the most part, lacked. Jeanine's smiles were a facade.

The quiet was suddenly brought to an end as a young boy of about five came sprinting through, nearly knocking me over. Following him was an older girl (probably seven) who looked up at Jeanine and me with some intimidation. She slowed when she neared us.

"I'm sorry for my brother," she said innocently, "He doesn't understand that there's no running in the greenhouse."

Jeanine leaned down and smiled at the girl. "Boys will be boys, don't they?" She said with a laugh. "Make sure he learns his lesson. The rules are there for good reason."

The little girl nodded and began quickly walking after her brother, careful not to run in Jeanine's presence.

"Is it hard being so powerful?" I looked at my mother with a frown. "You receive no real kindness. Every interaction is pleasant out of fear."

Jeanine lowered her chin, her gaze focused on the ground in front of her. She began walking again. "It was hard at first, Marianne, I assure you, but after a few years with the job I've grown used to it, as you someday will too. I know you experience a dulled version of how people treat me, and you'll toughen with time. I promise."

I found that we couldn't walk fifteen feet without a cold hello from an exhausted scientist. Our conversation back in the greenhouse had been painfully true, but I knew that Jeanine would never admit to that. She was all about success and moving on through tough times, never stopping to admit quite how hard the pain was.

Once we were back at the apartment, I decided to get back to my reading. Jeanine disappeared onto the balcony, likely reading over records or working on her anti-Abnegation propaganda. I hated her propaganda with a passion, but I knew that it was what I would be stuck in charge of writing if I was not to take Jeanine's place someday. I could help our society out much more if I were running everything. I wouldn't change too much in the ways of how Erudite runs, but I would try to solve our issues with Abnegation. Jeanine's major fault as a leader was her hate toward her superiors.

A quiet weekend lightened my stress from the pending initiation, but more weeks lie ahead. In ten days, I would take my first exam. In ten days, I was expected to get the highest score out of everyone. The task may have seemed difficult, but it was nothing a Matthews couldn't handle.