You become a stranger to yourself
If you stare at the mirror long enough
Eyes lose meaning
And mooring.
Something goes floating,
Off in search of the heart of the world.
-Radhika Mukherjee
Emmryn's POV—
After waking up from my coma and going over my charts privately with Hange, I was released from the infirmary and led to my room by the glasses wearing scientist herself, with the condition that I take it a bit easy during training.
"Now if you need anything, the cafeteria and kitchen are downstairs. There's a bathroom attached to your bedroom, and also, Levi's room and office are next door to yours. He's a bit scary and weird, but he'll help you if you really need it," Hange explained in one big breath before looking at me and smiling a kind smile, not her creepy scientist smile, "Also, my lab is 3 doors down from the infirmary, so if you need someone to talk to, that's where you'll find me."
I smiled smally as I walked into 'my room.' It had been so long since I had a space to call my own. It was a simple room with light gray walls, a bed big enough for two of me (because I'm small remember?), a simple wooden dresser with three long drawers, and a standard sized window that looked out to the training grounds. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and honestly a bit gross after not being able to bathe myself for 4 weeks, I turned to Hange and smiled at her ever so slightly.
"Thank you so much, Hange," I said, my voice slightly happier than usual. Hange just grinned.
"Awwwww you are sooooo cute! Also, Commander Erwin told me to get you some clothes. They're in the top drawer of your dresser," Hange squealed, hugging me tightly to which I visibly tensed up and flinched.
"Oi, Four Eyes, the brat is clearly not comfortable with you touching her," I heard a bored-sounding voice say from behind us. Hange looked like she was gonna argue but looked at my face and saw the visible discomfort and quickly let go. I gave a small sigh of relief and looked behind us to see the Captain and nodded slightly in thanks when our eyes met.
"My my my... could it be, humanity's strongest soldier is... jealous?!" Hange asked mischievously and jumped into the Captain's face for the last word. The sudden movement caused me to almost fall until a strong arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me up before I could hit the ground. I did my best to conceal my blush at the embarrassment of someone having to help me from something so little.
"Oi, brat," the captain snapped getting my attention and letting go of my waist immediately after I had steadied myself, "How the hell do you expect to manage your ODM gear, let alone fight a titan if you can't even balance standing up straight?" I looked at him with an eerily blank face before shrugging and walking into my room.
"I guess I'll just die then. Titan fodder for the good of humanity," I said in a monotone voice and shut the door behind me and locked it before either of the two on the other side could try and come in. It's not like they couldn't get in if they wanted to, locking the door was more to give them the message that I wanted to be left alone for a bit.
Taking a minute to survey the room, I found myself drawn to the drawer remembering that Hanji mentioned there being clothes for me in there. I opened the top drawer to see a paper wrapped parcel with a piece of paper on top. I picked up the folded paper to see my name written in a very familiar handwriting.
"Em,
There are no words that can express how sorry I am for these past 6 years. Hange has not told me anything relating to your medical examination except that you had clearly been through a lot. I'm sorry I was not there to protect you when it mattered most, but I am thrilled to have you fighting for humanity with me. If you ever need me or want to talk, my office is on the 3rd floor in the very central building of the HQ. Please come visit me soon.
Also, I had Hange get you some clothes as well as something I thought you may like. I know you've spent 6 years in a place where you cannot trust anyone, but I implore you to trust our officers here, especially Levi and Hange. They're certainly a little different but I trust them with my life and with yours.
Our hearts and souls to the cause. Welcome to the Survey Corps,
Your brother,
Commander Erwin Smith"
I looked at the letter, conflicted, but mostly angry. The dumbass can't even write an apology letter to his baby sister who he left to be tortured for 6 years correctly! He just had to add in the stuff about fighting for humanity and crap when he knows that's not why I am here. If anything, this B.S. of his is why I was in the Underground for so long! If I had been half as important to him as humanity, he would have at least looked for me.
I took a deep breath and crumpled the letter in my hand before throwing it into the corner of the drawer before opening the paper wrapped package and carefully opening it. Inside, there were some basic necessities as far as clothes were concerned including panties, bras, and a handful of casual outfits. I grabbed some of the underwear, a pair of blush pink bikini cut panties and a matching tshirt bra, as well as a pair of the casual clothes being a coal gray long sleeved turtleneck sweater and a knee length pleated skirt that was black. It was simple and covered everything. Plus Hange had warned me to try and avoid tight clothing on my legs when I didn't have to. Something about wanting me to have better circulation after not walking in over a month. Now that that was done, I walked into the bathroom and turned to the mirror and saw myself for the first time since the accident. The scream left my lips before I could even think to muffle it.
—Levi's POV—
"I guess I'll just die then. Titan fodder for the good of humanity," she had said before shutting the door and locking it in the faces of me and the annoying scientist of the Survey Corps. I glared at the door, debating breaking it down and laying into the brat for leaving two commanding officers without any sort of salute. But mostly, I wanted to knock some sense into the clearly suicidal brat.
"Oi, shitty glasses," I said, keeping my voice sounding bored, "Why did you discharge her from the infirmary if she's suicidal?" I looked over at Hange. She shook her head, clearly bothered by the brat's statement.
"She's not suicidal, Levi. She just doesn't care if she dies. She's seen the ugliest the world has to offer. She escapes that and essentially gets given a death certificate by being forced to join the Scouts who are now led by the brother who abandoned her in that hell for 6 years. She's not suicidal. She's just given up," Hange replied, sadness dominating her usually overly hyper demeanor.
"Tch. Everyone's gone through shit. She'll either handle it or she won't. Now go back to your office. We both have way too much damn paperwork to spend all our efforts on this brat," I answered coldly thinking back to my own past. Without another word or look in Hanji's direction, I walked next door and into my office before shutting the door and getting ready to begin my mountain of paperwork that I have to get done. I was halfway through reading the first report when I heard an ear-shattering scream.
"Shit," I muttered to myself as I got up from my desk and opened the brat's door with my spare key. It was empty, but the bathroom door was open. That's when I remembered. Shit she hasn't seen herself since the incident. Her eye is...
-Emmryn's POV—
I stared in horror at myself in the mirror. I didn't recognize the person staring back at me. My once waist length stick straight dark copper hair had been chopped to my shoulders but in the past month had grown to the middle of my shoulder blades. All this was definitely a shock, but it wasn't what caused me to involuntarily scream.
My eyes, well eye, was another story. My once blue right eye was black with my iris and pupil being completely white, never mind the ragged puffy scar that went from the top of my head to under my jaw. It was almost a full centimeter wide and was blood red. From a distance it would probably look like I was crying blood out of that eye. That made me start to relive the events of that day, and I fell to my knees screaming in fear and pain. It didn't even register to me that someone had come into the door until I was face to face with a pair of steel blue eyes that were a little less cold than I was used to. He reached out and grabbed my waist to help me up but due to the overwhelming trauma and fear of men that I had begun to develop, I screamed and punched him. The captain. In the jaw. HARD. He glared at me and lifted his fist to return the favor. I flinched in pure terror and my voice came out as barely a whisper.
"I-I'm sorry, sir... please don't punish me... I promise I'll behave." Because to me, the man in front of me has transformed into the man from my past. Who stole my innocence and my future. I closed my eyes and braced myself... for a hit that never came…
Song: Speechless by Naomi Scott
—
Author's Note:
Please please comment and click the star button if you are enjoying this story. I'm really enjoying writing it, and I have a lot of ideas but I don't have a clear set idea of the exact order that I want them to happen. ? anyways! Thanks for reading!
Edited: 03/24/2020
