"It takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory."

-Paulo Coelho

—Emmryn's POV—

I walked quickly back to my room and changed into some black leggings that reached my mid calf and a fitted white short sleeved shirt before walking to Captain Levi's office. I took a deep breath to brace myself before knocking on the door.

"Name and business." I heard a familiar bored voice say.

"Emmryn Smith. Here for cleaning duties." There was no response for a couple of seconds until I heard footsteps and the sound of a lock opening before the door was opened to reveal the captain who, surprisingly, was also out of uniform. Instead, he was in a white long sleeve v neck with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and black sweatpants. I felt my face heat up slightly before mentally slapping myself. The captain had a less severe look on his face than usual which also took me aback. He stood off to the side, allowing me to enter his office, which by the way, was spotless.

What exactly am I supposed to be cleaning in here? My thoughts were interrupted by the door closing and the sound of a lock clicking. That sound along with looking up and realizing I was alone in a room with a man caused me to start shaking in fear. Damn it. Not again. I cannot break down in front of him again.

It did NOT help when the Captain walked up to me with a stern look on his face. Oh no... he must have found out about my past. He's probably gonna use punishment as an excuse to get what he wants from me. Walls no... not again. Again my thoughts were interrupted by the captain as he stopped only a foot in front of me. He reached up and grabbed my left arm and lifted it up, his eyes narrowing at my wrist.

"How did this happen?" He asked, a layer of irritation and... something else in his voice. Concern? No that couldn't be it. He pointed to my wrist which now had a purple bruise in the vague shape of a handprint.

"It's nothing," I said quietly looking at my feet, not wanting to meet his eyes right now. I heard a familiar "Tch." Suddenly, a firm yet gentle hand grasped my chin causing me to whimper in fear as the captain lifted my face to meet his eyes. His usually stern eyes softened ever so slightly.

"Brat, what happened to your wrist? And don't feed me that nothing bullshit," Captain Levi ordered sternly, his voice low and his face way closer to mine then I thought I would be comfortable with. But I also knew he had some muscle on me that would make it difficult for me to get away.

"I-it was an accident, Captain. I'm f-fine," I said, my voice small and again I broke eye contact trying to look anywhere else but his eyes. He sighed, and I felt his breath hit my face. I felt my face heat up a bit.

"Oluo did this. That's why you attacked back. You defended yourself," the captain said. It wasn't a question. I nodded, still refusing to meet his gaze.

"Oi, brat. Look at me. That's an order." Hesitantly, I lifted my eyes back to his. Well, my eye at least. I laughed bitterly as I felt his grip slacken, and I pulled myself back, feeling something in me snap at the unfamiliar emotion I saw in his steel gray eyes.

"So what if he did? It doesn't matter how any guy touches me anyway right? I'm just some rat from the underground anyways. And as if that didn't make me fucked up enough, I'm now a freak!" I said my voice breaking as I lifted the right side of my bangs revealing my scarred right eye and cheek.

"Oi, bra-"

"My name is not brat. It's Emmryn. And I know you said to act like a soldier or else I'm worthless to you. Well guess what? The most I've ever been worth to someone in the last six years is however much some MP or some pompous noble or merchant would pay to touch me! So why the hell would now be any different?!" I interrupted, not caring that I was yelling anymore as I let my bangs cover the right side of my face once again. Hot tears streamed down my face as I looked at the captain challenging him to refute me. Those gray eyes looked like they had a storm brewing in them. There were so many emotions flashing through them, but I didn't care. I'm worthless. Nothing's changed. I should've ended things a long time ago.

My thoughts were interrupted by arms wrapping around my waist and pulled me close. My eyes widened, and I looked up at the captain despite myself. He looked at me with an expression I just couldn't read, but I almost thought I saw tears in his eyes. That couldn't be right though. This was humanity's strongest soldier.

"Emmryn," he said, clearly trying to fight back some sort of emotion as his arms wrapped tighter around me, "what those men did to you in the underground is not your fault. It doesn't diminish your worth. The men that did that to you are scum. And this," he tucked my bangs that were hanging over my right eye behind my ear before gently running his hand along the scar, "does not make you a freak. It makes you a survivor." He took a deep breath before gently taking my cheek into his hand. I still flinched at the feeling.

"I promise I won't hurt you," the captain said in an almost soothing tone.

"You already did, Captain," I pointed out bitterly, all but spitting the last word, "or did you forget about slapping me across the face when you barely knew me? Or maybe just earlier when you grabbed me by the throat?"

I felt him flinch ever so slightly, and I knew I had hit a nerve. I waited again for the pain I was sure was going to be coming my way for that comment. Again, the captain didn't do what I expected. Instead, I felt a hand press gently on the back of my head pushing me into the captain's chest. I had no idea how to respond.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize at the time what you had just been through. I just thought you were some ungrateful brat who didn't appreciate being reunited with a family member who clearly cares deeply for you. Plus, your back talk was pissing me off. I don't take that shit from any soldier," captain said with a slightly irritated sigh, "but now I know. And to an extent I know about what you went through in the Underground more than anyone else here does." This shocked me. I looked up at him confused.

"What do you mean? How would you know about that at all?" I asked, starting to feel anger bubbling up in me again. The captain stiffened at my question, and I saw a flash of pain in his eyes.

"I want you to learn to trust those of us that are here, so I will tell you. My mother was a prostitute in the underground. My father was one of her clients. She died of a sickness she had contracted from one of her customers when I was around 6 years old," the captain stated calmly but I could see emotions raging in his eyes, "I know what it takes to survive in the Underground, so know that you're not completely alone."

Tears welled up in my eyes. I had been hurting and feeling alone all this time, but here was this captain, humanity's strongest soldier, going way out of his way to help this messed up woman he barely knows. For the first time since before being kidnapped, I felt...heard... and more importantly I didn't feel alone anymore.

"Th-thank you so much, Captain!" I exclaimed grabbing his shirt and burying my face in his chest as sobs wracked my body. For the first time in over 6 years, I truly allowed myself to grieve. I cried for my loss of innocence, for the six years of torture, for the pain of my older brother doing nothing to find me, to being reunited with him only for him to not realize what I needed from him, to being the odd one out in the Survey Corps, for my loss of sight in my right eye and every other hardship I endured that I had to leave bottled up all these years.

I felt the captain's arm around my waist tighten and his other hand gently stroking my hair gently as I soaked his shirt with my tears. He also put his chin on my head and murmured softly as my sobs quieted down.

"Call me Levi."

I looked at him in shock. He looked at me with a soft expression.

"I may be your captain, but I want to be your friend as well. So when it's just you and I, just call me Levi," Levi said calmly as he lifted a hand towards my face. As usual, I instinctually flinched but was able to calm myself as he gently wiped away my tears. I smiled a small but genuine smile at him.

"Thank you, Levi," I said, hesitating before saying his name so I could get used to it. It was a very nice name that felt much nicer to say than calling him 'captain' all the time.

"Emmryn," Levi started as he looked almost apologetic as he moved his to gently run his fingertips over the bruise on my neck, "I'm sorry for slapping you and for this. I thought you were just some insubordinate ungrateful brat who didn't appreciate the freedom you received thanks to Erwin." I glared at him slightly at the last statement.

"The commander did NOT give me my freedom. I fought for my freedom and was tortured almost to the point of death and still managed to run away and escape," I said bitterly, "He didn't even try to look for me while I was gone. He just left me there to suffer." Levi looked like he was gonna say more before just shaking his head at me and finally releasing me from his arms. Part of me felt kind of sad when he did this. Then, I saw the huge wet spot on his shirt where I had been crying.

"Sorry about your shirt, Cap- I mean Levi," I apologized while looking around the room, "so about my punishment... what exactly in here needs to be cleaned?"

"Tonight, nothing needs to be cleaned, but tomorrow you will be making sure there is no dust anywhere in this room," Levi said plainly, "you're dismissed." I looked at him, shocked, before nodding and giving him a salute. He nodded in acknowledgment and I headed towards the door. As I was fixing to leave, the captain spoke again.

"You should also go talk to Erwin soon. Like it or not he is your older brother," he said in his normal bored tone. I looked back at him, my eyes narrowing slightly.

"Is that an order, Captain?" I asked in a cold tone.

"Not yet it's not. Now go get some rest. We start your training tomorrow at sunrise, and I'm warning you: it will be hell," the captain said going to a set of drawers that was in the office and pulling out a clean shirt. I nodded and walked out of his office, feeling more optimistic than I had in years.

Maybe this won't be so bad after all. I mean the captain turned out to be a decent person. But what did he mean by training will be hell? Somehow, I had a sense of dread come over me about training tomorrow. What the actual hell have I gotten myself into?

Song: Human by Christina Perri