Chapter 7: The counselor.
Gym was once again not very fun.
Luckily though I did not end being sent to the dean's office today, but I still got laughed at when I landed flat on my face when my classmates and I were playing another round of volleyball. Basically I tried to set the ball when my stick like legs got tangled with each other and caused me to fall. This is not the first time it's happened. Nor be the last.
" Alright you lot." Gobber tells us after we ended the game. "That about wraps up our volleyball unit for this class. Now for the next month we will be doing our swimming unit. So bring your bathing suits. "
My heart nearly stopped when I heard about the next sport we are doing. Oh great. Swimming. My favorite sport. Not.
Swimming might mean that we won't be sweating our buts off, but it means wearing a swimsuit in front of everyone. I don't just not like wearing swim suits. I am appalled by the idea. It shows off way too much of my body and they are always fitted. Everytime I go swimming, I might as well be naked in front of everyone. That's how bad it is for me.
Maybe I can throw the " it's my time of the month" excuse, but that only goes so far. The last time I threw this excuse to get out of swimming, My dad had gotten a call from Gobber asking if my body was having any problems? Let's just say my dad was never able to look at me for the next few days.
" You all should know the rules of using the school pool by now. You shower before and after. No cell phones are allowed on in the locker room and pool. Any break in those rules will face disciplinary action. Have I made myself clear?" Gobber looks at us seriously.
" Yes Gobber." We all said before we all head to locker rooms.
I put back on the awful dress in the bathroom stall and leave the locker room. Many people are chatting up about their plans for the weekend. I never really have plans for the weekend. I just simply do my homework and avoid the whole world along with it.
The bell rings at the end of another day of school. A lot people are rushing out as fast as possible to head home to their families and/or friends. My day would just end on me getting home to my dog.
But unfortunately for me, I still have to meet with the shrink today to discuss my issues. I would give anything not to show up and go straight home instead. But if I don't go, I will be facing detention instead and my dad will not be happy about that.
" Hey Hiccup." I heard Astrid come up behind me. She looks like she needs to ask me something.
" Oh hey." I mumbled. " I can't talk much. I have to go see the shrink real soon." I said as I pointed the general direction I'm going.
She looked a bit squeamish as she said." Ok. I'll just make it quick. If you're not doing anything this Friday, I was wondering if you can help me with something? It has to do with art class. If it's not too much trouble?"
" Umm….. As long as it's just help. Not making me do the project for you. Then yeah." I blush at this.
" Thank you!" She gasps in relief before checking her watch. " Uh. I got to go to Tennis practice. I can meet at your house after school?
" That's fine." I meekly told her.
" Thank." she says before she runs off as she call out, " You're amazing!"
All I could just do in stand there in shock of what just happened to me. I know she wants only help on her project, but to me I feel like she might be noticing me. But maybe she just sees me nothing more than her assistance.
I wish I wasn't here. More than anything else in the world.
Sitting in the waiting room is intimidating. Like being a zoo animal out for display for people to look at. This is exactly what it feels like right now. Everybody just walks past me. Some ignore me. Some stare at me. I hate it. What's their problem anyway? It's not like I'm the first person to see a shrink.
After the whole talk with my dad, we never really spoke much since then. Tomorrow he's taking off on his trip to the olympic committee and we just go our separate ways. Not that much different from our current situation.
I tug on my short denim dress over my bare legs. I am repulsed by it. It maybe a fashionable thing that girls wear, but it's not for me. Why of all things am I wearing this monstrosity. Oh that's right. Because my dad told me to look more feminine for school. As if anyone cares about how I look. Though it has earn me a lot of looks as no one has ever seen me without my baggy pants and hoodie.
I gave up in the middle of the day trying to look like a sweet girl and torn my hair out of the braid before swapping back on my beanie. I feel a little more like myself. But not much.
It seemed like forever, but finally a young woman comes out saying, " Henrietta."
I look and nod at her before following her into her office without saying a word.
The office was small but has a calm peaceful look to it. The walls are painted a mellow green. It smells like the forest of a national park. Like it was suppose to be safe. But I don't feel safe. I feel insecure. I get the purpose of it is to get my issues out into the open, but what good does it do? Nothing.
" Choose where you want to sit." She gently tells me.
I pick the nearest arm chair before slinging my heavy backpack off my shoulders and collapsed into the chair without a care in the world.
The woman sits herself in her desk chair and faces me without saying anything as I take her appearance in.
She looks nice. She has straight black hair and was wearing a light pink blouse over her jeans. She looks like she could marry easily without problem. Her name is Ms. Briggs though. It's just fancy for someone who isn't married but doesn't want to say. At least that's what I know.
" So Henrietta. My name is Ms. Briggs and I will be working with you for the remainder of the semester." She tells me nicely.
" Ok." Was all I said. I don't care at all for this.
" So the dean has told me about your little incident with Simon. Would you like to talk about it?" She asks nicely.
" No." I said. There's nothing to talk about.
" Ok." She nods as she shifts in her seat. She may be uncomfortable with me or just with the chair she's sitting in. "So what do you want to talk about?"
" Nothing I just want to go home." I said. I just want to pretend that I haven't been sentenced to this.
" Do you like your home?" She asks.
" I guess." I shrugged. She's obviously just trying to start up some conversation with me. I don't like it but might as well humor her in order to get out of here sooner.
" What's it like?" She asks.
" It's a bungalow. Old. It was once my mother's family home before she and my dad inherited the place. Ok for just me and my dad. But mostly it's me that lives there. My Dad usually has late nights at his job." I said.
" How do you feel about your father having late nights at his job?" She asks the inevitable question that most shrinks ask me.
" Nothing really. It's pretty normal for me. I can take care of myself." I answered honestly. It's not like I have some abandonment issues from him.
" What about your mother?" She asks.
" She died a couple of years ago." I look at her feeling very annoyed that she asked me a question she most likely knows the answer to. I mean she does have my file. She should know and not bother me with this.
" I'm sorry for you loss." She said looking sad at me. Man. I'm tired of hearing those words. I don't like being pitied on. My mom died. There was nothing anyone could have done about it. End of story.
" It's fine. It was an accident. Plane was built poorly. Nothing could have been changed." I said trying to avoid talking about it.
" What happened that day?" She asked. That really crosses a line.
" I don't want to talk about it." I said.
" Henrietta. You are in a safe environment. Anything you say is kept confidential." She tells me. Yeah right. And I am a famous movie star that people bow down to.
" I still don't want to talk about it." I said as I tug on my dress. Gods! I hate that annoying thing.
" You don't like that dress?" She asks me as looks at me fidgeting with my dress.
I glare at her as I said," I tolerate it."
" But you don't enjoy it?" She hints a frown.
" No." I said feeling annoyed.
" How come?"
" I just don't like wearing them. That's all." I said as I close my eyes for a second.
" You seem to have a hatred towards them." She points out. Well she got one thing right. I guess.
" Yeah. If I could rip it off my body, I would do it in an instant."
" Then why did you choose to wear it?"
" My dad wants me to." I told her.
" Why?" She asked. What else does she need to know anyway?
I scoff feeling pissed about it, " Because he says I look like my mom and I should embrace her looks more."
" Did he love your mom?" She asked a stupid question.
" Yeah. We both loved her. It devastated us when she died. But I'm not her." I kinda sigh as I pick at my nails.
" Of course you're not. You're daughter. But you are not her." She points out.
" He just doesn't get that. He misses her so much, he give anything to see her again. Even if it means that he would see her through me." I said feeling kinda sad about it. But mostly still feeling annoyed.
" That must be awful. Not being seen as your own person." She looks at me in concern. Most likely it could be a fake concern just to crack me and exploit me.
But I stood my ground and just shrugged. " Well nothing you can do about it." I know when I'm right. There is nothing anyone can do about it. It's not like I am something that matters to everyone else on my own.
Another Chapter done. Man this chapter reflects off of me.
This chapter reminds me a lot of my childhood struggles. I just didn't know how to communicate with people. I was ignored constantly by my family and was compared to my oldest sibling like I was nothing to them. Soon I became angry and pissed because I felt people would just only be nice to me because they feel bad for me. I honestly thought no one really want anything to do with me. Being hostile was my only defense from getting hurt emotionally. It took me a while and a lot of therapy before I learned to open up and try to talk to people instead of avoiding them.
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