"Healing can only happen when people are willing to shift."

-Iyanla Vanzant

The captain wasn't joking when he said training would be hell. It literally was. My body had been inactive for weeks because of my coma, but that did not excuse me from the rigorous training regiment the captain had set up for me. I ran two miles in the morning, which had to be completed within 13 minutes or else I had to run a third mile, followed by 100 pushups, 200 sit-ups, and 100 jumping jacks. This was all before breakfast.

Afterwards was ODM gear training, and holy crap had I forgotten how painful that stuff is to use at first. My hips and core ached relentlessly from the strain that it put on my body. Not to mention, I honestly wasn't very good at using it. Then, after 3 hours of that training, I had to go straight into horseback riding practice since I hadn't ridden a horse in years. I had to do that for an hour and then spend another hour launching off the horse with my ODM gear. Then, I would take an hour long break for lunch with my squad members, before finally having to do my least favorite part of training: hand to hand combat.

Now, technically, I excelled in this area, but that was only when I was fighting against normal people. However, my hand to hand combat training was against Captain freaking Levi. Largely because of my fear of being touched, I struggled mentally with hand to hand combat and ended up with new bruises and scrapes everyday. After that was dinner, before which the captain would dismiss us all to shower and change. He loosened up about the uniform thing at dinner since we started having dinner pretty late.

True to his word, every night after dinner, there would be work for me to do in his office. It varied slightly between sweeping, dusting, sorting papers/helping do his paperwork, and sometimes, it would be just having a conversation and making tea for him. This continued for about 4 months. I felt myself gradually gaining strength and the trust and respect of my teammates, especially Oluo, though none of them know anything about my past, and they have not seen my right eye yet, thank the Walls. After explaining my reasoning to Levi, he agreed to let Oluo off the hook this time. I also still have yet to speak to Erwin despite Levi's consistent insistence on the subject. In fact, I have specifically avoided Erwin like the plague. Finally, with one month left till the expedition, I was once again in Levi's office after dinner. I was sitting at the left end of his desk helping with paperwork.

"Emmryn," Levi said after about 30 minutes of us doing paperwork in complete silence.

"Hm?" I responded, not looking up from the report I was reading. It was about the long-range scouting formation which meant it was important for me to know.

"You need to talk to Erwin," he said in his usual bored tone. My head shot up as I glared at him.

"Not gonna happen, Levi. We've been over this well over 100 times by now. I'm not changing my mind," I replied firmly. Levi's eyes narrowed at me before relaxing to his normal, bored expression.

"Cadet Emmryn, I order you to go speak with Commander Erwin immediately," Levi said with his authoritative voice. This shocked me. He almost never pulls rank on me when it's just us. I glared at him before standing up and giving him a pissed off salute, walking out of his office, slamming his door as I went. Yes, I'm throwing a temper tantrum but just because he's captain does not give him the right to meddle in my personal affairs.

"Lovers spat huh?" I heard a familiar voice say. I glared at Oluo as he leaned against the wall next to Levi's office door.

"What the hell, Oluo?! I'm literally just leaving a punishment that YOU should technically be doing," I said irritatedly. He smirked at me.

"If I had taken the punishment, I would've gotten a month of stable duty, not 5 months of spending one on one time with the captain," he stated, his smirk growing. I rolled my eyes at him.

"There's nothing between the captain and I," I said bluntly, "Now I have to go see the commander. Captain's orders." I started to walk away, but Oluo walked up beside me.

"I'll walk you," he said hurriedly, his smirk still on his face, "Why do you look so pissed to be seeing the commander?" Debating whether to tell him or not, I continued walking quickly just wanting to get this over with.

"It's not about seeing the commander," I lied, well half-lied. Yes, I didn't want to talk to the commander, but more so, I was pissed that Levi had stuck his nose into my business and was forcing me to do something I had been actively avoiding for months. After that, Oluo seemed to get smart and keep his mouth shut as we reached the commander's office.

"Alright. See ya tomorrow, greenhorn," Oluo joked with a smirk. I waved as he walked off, and then I knocked on the door.

"Name and business." I heard Erwin say from the other side of the door.

"Cadet Emmryn. Captain Levi sent me," I answered in a monotone voice. Hearing papers shuffling, I took a deep breath before the door opened and I was face to face, well face to chest, with Erwin Smith, the older brother I no longer wanted. His blue eyes shined with happiness as he moved, opening the door and motioning for me to come inside. I did so, and he shut the door behind me before walking to his desk and motioning got me to take one of the seats across from him. I walked over to the desk but refused to sit down.

"Emmryn, what a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you?" Erwin said with a kind smile on his face. I glared at him, deciding to be petty.

"Go back 6 years ago and actually act like you give a damn," I said with a monotone voice. I saw him flinch slightly at the harsh words, but I honestly didn't care. He did this to himself. Erwin looked pained and sighed.

"Why are you here, Em?" He asked, clearly disappointed.

"Levi ordered me to come here and talk to you. He pulled rank," I explained bluntly, "And I told you that my name is Emmryn, Commander." Erwin's expression became pained as I nearly spat his title at him.

"Em... how many times do I have to apologize?" He asked in a slightly pleading voice.

"No apology is gonna take back what happened to me down there," I answered solemnly, "There is no fixing this."

"What happened to you down there? I don't even know how to comfort you because I don't know what happened! I believed you were dead this whole time!" Erwin begged to know. My glare faltered slightly.

"That's not what you said at the trial!" I accused, my resolve weakening slightly at the realization.

"I lied, Em. If I told them that I thought you died from that, it would make them think that I believed you to be weak and therefore they would assume you had been easily manipulated by any enemies of the MP that live underground! If I told them that you were a necessary sacrifice for humanity, it would make them feel like you were strong to endure and that I would not give you special treatment," Erwin explained, sadness in his eyes, "When I heard that someone came from the Underground claiming to be the sister of an officer of the Survey Corps, I was afraid to hope that it was you. But when I saw you in that courtroom, I felt both ecstatic that you were alive and shattered by the dead look in your eyes and the wounds on your body. What did they do to you?"

I froze and looked at him. He finally said the words I had been waiting to hear for 6 fucking years. Tears stung my eyes but I refused to let them fall yet. If I did, I knew I wouldn't be able to get all the words out. Taking a deep breath, I told him everything. From the rape and kidnapping the first night to the forced prostitution, mental and physical torture, and finally the night of my escape.

"Everyday for the first 2 years, I waited and believed my big brother would come and rescue me. On my 18th birthday, I accepted that you weren't coming to get me," I finally finished, breaking into sobs.

I felt two muscular arms pull my tiny frame into a broad chest as Erwin held me in a hug. I felt his face press into the top of my head, and I felt something wetting my hair. I looked up, and my eyes widened in shock as I saw tears flowing from eyes that matched mine. There were not many tears, but more than anyone else had seen from him.

"Words cannot express the regret that I have in my heart for never coming to look for you, Em. I have failed you as an older brother, and there's nothing I can do to take away what was done to you. I'm so sorry," Erwin said with a sad expression on his face, "But I will do my best to help you from here on out. I will not abandon my cause and my dedication to saving humanity, but I will fight to help you move past this hell you've endured in any way that I can."

His tone was one that even after 6 years I immediately recognized. This was the tone that Erwin used when he was making a promise, a commitment, and expressing his dedication to what he was speaking about, and it was directed at...me... I couldn't hold it anymore. I threw my arms around him, well as best as I could, returning his hug before pulling back from him completely. He looked shocked and hurt before his eyes turned stony, as though he accepted my rejection after the hell I had gone through. I smiled to myself, before snapping into my best salute with a kind smile on my face.

"Commander Erwin, allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Cadet Emmryn Smith, younger sister of Erwin Smith, the greatest commander the Survey Corps has ever seen," I said with a conviction that was characteristic of our family, "I hereby dedicate my heart and soul to your cause, the cause of humanity, and the cause of rebuilding our family." I watched as Erwin looked at me in shock before composing himself and with a small smirk he returned my salute.

"Thank you, Cadet Emmryn. I am honored to be your older brother and your commander. This is a sincere and honest, whole-hearted salute. Welcome to the Survey Corps!" He said as we both smiled, our eyes reflecting an understanding and belonging that neither of us had felt in far too long.

-OLUO'S POV-

After walking Emmryn to the Commander's office, I pretended to walk off, but really just waited till I heard her walk in and shut the door. I quickly sneaked to the door and pressed my ear against it and was shocked at what I heard. Emmryn had gone through so much, and she was the Commander's younger sister! No wonder she ended up on the Levi squad! She lied to all of us! Before she left, I walked away to my room deciding on when to tell the others…

Song: Play With Fire by Sam Tinnesz feat. Yacht Money

Edited: 03/24/2020