Weeks Later: Night

Crawford Street Mansion: Master Bedroom

Releasing a heavy unneeded breath, Buffy stared up at the antique molding that accented the room's design. It has been almost three weeks since the forcible injection of her human soul.

It felt wildly overwhelming to feel emotions again. She was plagued with guilt knowing the horrors she has done during her long undead life.

Turning her head to the side, Buffy eyed her mate, who was in a deep sleep. Despite her pain and the guilt that blackened her soul, when she looked at her mate she felt consumed by love for him. It was strange to feel this way; so bad and good at the exact same time. It was a strange human feeling of being torn apart. Buffy constantly felt like vomiting.

On top of the plethora of feelings that internally waged war, she felt lost. Totally and utterly lost without direction.

For days, Buffy would sit downstairs in the quiet and dim lit library. With her legs curled into her chest, Buffy would stare at the fireplace for hours on end, without moving a muscle. It seemed if she did not move an inch the ghosts wouldn't haunt her nor would she feel the striking pain of her guilted soul.

Her mind would wander back into her memories of a simpler time. She missed the comforting embrace of her kindhearted mother.

Buffy had no idea who she was anymore. If she couldn't be human or the demon she was changed into, then what was her purpose? What was she now?

It was easier to remain hidden and very still.


Turning her head to look back up at the ceiling, Buffy felt the weight of her depression.

Pushing the covers away, Buffy swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. She reached for the silk robe draped on the back of a chair and put it on, covering her naked body.

She walked over to the armoire closet and opened its door to grab a pair of jeans and a comfy knitted sweater.

Quickly getting dressed, Buffy ran fingers through her blonde hair and glanced back over her shoulder to Angelus, still sound asleep in the bed. And just like every night for the last three weeks, Buffy walked out of the bedroom in the dead of night without waking her lover.

Downtown: St. John's Church

The church was silent and dim lit.

It was welcomed after the endless whispering in Buffy's mind that haunted her.

She sat in a wooden pew staring straight ahead down the nave to the bema. High up against the wall was a stained glass iconic imagery. The stained glass artwork continued around the church. Buffy could only imagine that the glasswork looked beautiful in the daylight.

Her eyes dropped from the stained glass to the large plain wooden cross, which took up most of the wall.

"Night after night you've been coming here then disappearing just before sunrise."

Buffy's head snapped to the deep voice breaking her conscience-stricken train of thought.

Her eyes rolled over a man with kind dark eyes and greying hair stood in the aisle by Buffy. He wore a traditional short-sleeve black button-down shirt tucked into matching black trousers with a white clerical collar and a pair of circular silver glasses sitting at the tip of his nose.

"It's one of the few places that I don't need an invitation to be in," she replied, turning her eyes to her hand placed on her lap.

The pastor smirked, though he did not quite understand her odd statement. Brushing the off-handed comment aside, the pastor took a seat beside Buffy on the pew.

He let out a breath and placed his hands onto his knees. "You appear to have the whole world resting on your shoulders. Someone your age shouldn't be burdened by that weight." He observed. "I may not be as good as Him," he pointed to the ceiling indicating God, "but I'm known to be a very good sound board."

Nervously twisting her fingers together, unsure where to even begin or how to say her troubles without sounding like she needed to be placed on the next bus to 'Looneyville'. "I wouldn't know where to start. I thought coming here would… I don't know… give me some answers?" She released an unneeded breath. "It used to… It's been a long time since I've stepped into a church." She lifted her eyes from her hands and looked around the church and frowned. "They've changed."

The pastor tossed his eyes around the church and shrugged, "Don't let the grandeur fool you. The God who is ever present here is still exactly the same. When was the last time you attended a sermon?" He wondered.

Buffy thought for a moment and said in a teasing manner. "When was the last Richard Baxter sermon?"

Raising a high brow, the pastor broke out into a low chuckle then placed a hand over Buffy's giving a gentle squeeze. "I shall leave you to your prayer." He found her hand unusually cool but did not think much of it. He removed his hand and stood up from the pew to leave Buffy to her thoughts.

As he stepped out into the nave to walk away, Buffy's voice made him pause. "I'm at a crossroads," she admitted.

The pastor turned back to Buffy and leaned against the side of the pew with one hand, waiting for her to continue.

"I was plagued with an unforeseen restoration…" she carefully worded herself then released a breath. "And it goes against everything that I am—Every instinct… every impulse that I have. But I can't bring myself to be what I am." She sank in the pew with a huff. "What's my purpose if I can't be that?" She felt the weight of her stagnant identity.

Sitting down beside her again, the pastor looked at her and said, "You are not defined by your… 'instincts' or your 'impulses'. You have to find it within yourself to discover who you really are. And with that discovery, you'll find your purpose. But as a start for your quest," Buffy looked at him, "ask yourself, do I seek atonement or damnation?"

After a moment of taking his advice into deep consideration, Buffy then asked, "What if the answer is too painful?"

The pastor smiled, "Nothing worthwhile that isn't painful is worth it." He stood from the pew again and left Buffy grappling with his advice.

She knew exactly what she needed to do. She knew exactly what her soul was…

Buffy felt a flank of fear knowing what she must do would be possibly the hardest thing she'd ever have to do, but in her heart of hearts, she knew it was right. She knew it was beginning steps to her salvation.

Hours Later: Sunset

Crawford Street Mansion: Living Room

Walking into the mansion just as the sun setted in the horizon, Buffy was immediately greeted by Angelus, who had been pacing back and forth, terrified of where she had gone off to.

He paused mid-step to see her entering the mansion as the sun began to disappear.

Angelus walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her body, hugging her tightly. "Where the hell have you been? Have you been out there all day?"

"I'm sorry, I should've told you where I'd be."

Angelus immediately sensed something off about his mate. She seemed usually distracted and troubled.

Pushing the feeling away tightened his arms around her. "Especially if it's gonna be an all day event," he ran his hands through her blonde neatly curled hair. "Are you okay? Where were you?"

Buffy nodded and gently pushed him away.

Angelus frowned, finding the gesture abnormal. Much of everything Buffy's been doing hasn't been 'normal' but she never pushed him away. He knew instantly, something was very wrong.

She took a few steps away and faced her mate. "I was at church." Buffy announced.

Angelus' upper lip slightly twitched with disgust. He knew she had been turning to the Lord for much of the last few weeks. She needed guidance and comfort for her soul, which was something Angelus could not provide her. He wasn't sure what pissed him off more, that she did not confide in him or she turned to the Lord and Savior because Angelus couldn't understand anything she was going through. He didn't want to understand. He wanted her back the way she was and everything would go back to normal. They'd run together, hand in hand wreaking havoc and violence. Even the way they had sex was different. The passion was hindered, her mind was elsewhere, she could barely look at him let alone touch him. If he did not initiate their unions, she wouldn't go near him.

"Please, stop looking at me that way," she said with defeatedness.

Angelus nodded and reached out his hand to hers at her side. He gently pulled her into his arms. His hands were at her hips and his mouth was close to hers as a smile slid across his mouth. "I've got news."

Buffy tried not to appear uncomfortable in his embrace and looked at him, patiently awaiting for his news.

"I've contacted Wolfram & Hart in Los Angeles. I set up a meeting with a lawyer, Lindsey McDonald. He seems to have information on how to extract your soul." His smile widened. "We'll have this squared away quickly." Angelus tenderly touched her cheek.

Releasing an unneeded breath, Buffy stepped out from his embrace and looked at him with sadden eyes. "Angel…" Angelus did not like the tone of her voice. "... I'm not going to Los Angeles."

"What?" Pinching his brows together in confusion, Angelus watched her turn away from him. "What are you talking about? Of course you are. This time tomorrow, we'll have that parasite taken out of you and we can go back to normal."

Slowly facing him, Buffy's eyes were concentrated on her nervously twisting hands. "I…" she swallowed her nerves and said, "... I don't know if that's what I want." Buffy lifted her gaze to his face. He looked at her with a hurt and confused expression. "This soul… it's made me realise a lot in really a short period of time. I have no idea who I am anymore."

Angelus struggled to understand but he couldn't possibly. He tried his resort; 'reason with her'. "You're a vampire." He stated. "That's who you are." Angelus lightly touched her cheek with the tips of his fingers when she pulled away. Sighing heavily, Angelus tried to keep his frustration in check when he asked, "Buffy, what's going on? I don't understand." He watched her pace back and forth.

She paused mid-step and looked at him. "Is that all I am?—A vampire? For so long—nearly four hundred years, I've offered nothing but a legacy of torture and death. Now that, that's been taken away, what do I do? What do I have to offer? Who am I now?"

Firmly holding her shoulders and cupping her face to look at him, Angelus stared deeply into his mate's green eyes. "You are my mate. A vampire. You're the Slayer of Slayers, Quod Spiritus Sanctus (The Beautiful Demon)—"

"—That's been neutered." Buffy stepped away from him and turned away from him. "Angel…" she worked up every ounce of strength she had left when she suddenly said with a meek voice, "... I think we need a break." She faced him with a look of anguish.

"A break?" he repeated, letting his mind wrap around it. "What does that mean? You want to break up?" Angelus shook his head. "Buffy, when we mated that was for forever."

Releasing an unneeded breath, Buffy felt horrible but she knew this was the right thing to do, for them both. "And it is. I will always be yours but I just need… I need this. I need some time apart so I can figure this out."

Frustrated, Angelus raised his voice. "Why do we have to be apart for that?" He glared at her accusingly. "Is there someone else?"

"What?" Buffy felt side-swiped by his brazen question that seemed to have come out of nowhere. "No. Of course not." She grew angry that he could have thought such a thing. "How can you ask me that?"

He towered over her, showing his demonic power. "It's hard not to think about since you want to leave me so suddenly."

Unintimidated by his height, Buffy returned his anger and said, "This is about me, Angel." She told him. "I have all of these feelings. Feelings I haven't felt in… centuries and I have no idea what any of them mean. I have no idea how to be a demon that hates and wants to kill but when I look at you, I feel so completely in love."

Angelus looked away from her.

She dropped her arms at her sides defeatedly. "I have no idea how the hell to work through the guilt for what I've done in the past or how to even begin to rectify it. But what I do know is if we remain together, sooner or later, you and I… we'll begin to resent each other. You'll hate me for what I'm not and I'll hate you for being unable to understand. It's either that or... one day, I'll be forced to kill you."

Angelus looked at her with surprise.

Between the both of them, Buffy was never the rational one. She always went into things head first and she'd deal with it if it all went awry.

"So what now? We split up and never see each other again?" Angelus asked, loathing the soul stuck inside his mate more so by the minute.

Lowering her gaze to the Claddagh ring on her left hand ring finger, Buffy twisted it around. "I think one of us should move out. It's just for a little while—"

"—I'll go," Angelus quietly, trying his damndest to mask the pain he felt. It was no use, the pain that internally ripped him up was real and the demon in him couldn't cover it up.

Buffy watched as he turned away and walked up the stairs to pack his things into a bag.

The reality of what just happened slowly processed in Buffy's head. The weight that was on her shoulders overwhelmed her.

She sat down on the couch placed in front of the fireplace and buried her face into her hands.

Upstairs, Angelus packed a pile of clothes from the cabinet into a duffle bag. He was angry at Buffy and vehemently despised her soul. He wanted to hurt her but he couldn't bring himself to do it, he knew she was right. They would never survive this if she's soul searching and him trying to force everything to remain the same when it could not.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his dark brown spiked hair then over his face. Angelus laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, suddenly the last two hundred and eight years didn't seem real anymore.


Walking down the stairs, Angelus saw Buffy sitting on the couch with her knees to her chest, staring blankly at the fire. He could read her thoughts which were most definitely identical to his, except that thought this was a good idea.

She tore her eyes from the fire to watch him walk down the rest of the few stairs left.

Standing up from the ouch, Buffy walked with him towards the front door. She hugged her arms around herself and looked down at her boots. "Where will you go?" Buffy hated every second of this and argued with herself to tell him to forget the entire thing and stay with her.

"I'll be fine." He told her.

His voice was eerily calm which gave off the impression of callousness but Buffy knew him better than that. Angelus had always given off the front of cold-hearted but she knew this hurt him as much as it was hurting her.

Not asking anymore of it, Buffy lowered her eyes back down to her boots.

Angelus looked at her for a moment longer, finding that despite his anger towards her and the disdain for what she was now, he found her absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.

Clearing his throat, Buffy lifted her head to see him walk over to the front door. She stood behind him as he pulled the handle and opened the door and faced her. "I'll call you," Angelus' mouth tugged into a small smile.

Buffy was unable to help herself, she shared his sad smile still loving him.

Angelus stepped to her and tenderly pressed a kiss against her forehead, relishing the mere moments they have left before he walked out of the mansion to pursue a temporary separation.

Breaking the pressing kiss against her forehead, Angelus picked up the duffle bag and turned away from her. He walked out of the mansion.

Buffy stared after him until he disappeared into the darkness. She closed the door and rested her back against it.

Realisation settled over her. She swallowed but her throat felt tight with emotions. Tears burst into her eyes. Her hand covered her face unable to stop the sobs.

Why did I do that? She asked herself for the umpteenth time.

Later

City Hall: Mayor Wilkins' Office

"What can I do for you, Angelus?" Mayor Richard Wilkins grinned at the master vampire as he entered the office after being escorted by three of the Mayor's men.

Angelus eyed the Mayor sitting behind his desk and applied hand sanitizer to his hands.

Wilkins frowned darting his eyes around Angelus, realising there was someone missing from the unstoppable duo.

"Where's the Missus?" Wilkins asked.

Angelus visibly hardened with an expression of anger on his face. "Buffy is no longer on our side."

The Mayor sat back in the chair and shook his head. "Oof, I heard about her… unfortunate event."

Nodding his head, Angelus moved around the chairs placed in front of the desk and sat down in one.

"It's the talk of the town. No one can believe it," Wilkins' continued. "A soul is slipperier than a greased weasel. Why do you think I sold mine?" He laughed.

Angelus' stern expression did not waver.

"I'm sure you two crazy kids will work it out." The Mayor held his hands together and placed them on the table top.

"I'm going to LA to see if I can work it out with Wolfram & Hart."

"I think I can help you." Wilkins smirked.

Angelus grew impatient. "Help me how? By telling more bad jokes?" He stood from the chair ready to take the convertible and head to Los Angeles and have that meeting with Lindsey McDonald, which he knew would come with strings. He knew striking a bargain with Wolfram & Hart would include many strings, but he'd do anything to get his Buffy back.

Wilkin's popped a peanut into his mouth as he said, "I'll tell you what, Angelus…"

Angelus paused and looked back at the Mayor from over his shoulder.

"... You help me with my Ascension and I'll in turn help you get rid of your wifey's pesky soul. It's a fair exchange. One for the ages."

"You have access to that kind of power?" Angelus asked skeptically.

A sinister smile crossed the deceivingly friendly Mayor's mouth. "When I ascend, I'll be more powerful than any demon that's lived."

Still rather dubious about Wilkins' offer, Angelus raised a high brow. "That's a lot of power."

The Mayor chuckled finding the serious faced vampire amusing. "Darn tootin! Or you can just go Wolfram & Hart… and we all know their debt comes with a hefty price."

Angelus faced the Mayor with a thoughtful look on his face, mulling over the idea.

Next Night

Sunnydale High School: Library: Main Area

Walking into the library, Buffy felt a strange sense of déjà vu.

The broken book shelves against the wall had since been replaced from the fight three weeks ago. The once broken countertops had a new unpainted board of wood as a replacement.

Just being in this room sent Buffy back into her mind, remembering that day perfectly. She could recall in perfect descriptive detail that piercing agony of her soul entering her body. It was like no other pain she's felt before.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Buffy snapped from her wandering thoughts and turned her attention to the dark haired teenage Slayer standing in the centre of the library with hers folded across her chest.

"Hey, Faith," Buffy made her best attempt at civility. She had no right to return the Slayer's cattiness. Faith deserved to have this attitude after months of Buffy's incessant torture.

Faith turned her eyes over the blonde. Buffy wore a black spaghetti-strapped top with a mesh white blouse shirt layered over it. With a pair of black straight-legged trousers with a matching pair of heeled boots. Buffy toyed nervously with the gold cuff bracelet on her right wrist then pushed a piece of hair that had fallen from her curled hairstyle, behind her ear.

If it were possible, Buffy seemed to look better than ever, if not just sadder. There was a distracted look set on Buffy's face. Faith was skeptical. Something wasn't quite right.

Unchanging her serious expression, Faith glared at the vampire blonde, waiting for a reply. Faith would never admit it aloud but she was more than happy to see Buffy and to see that she was alright. After the spell, Faith contemplated long and hard about Buffy and her soul. Her thoughts began to twist and turn wondering how the soul would change the notorious vampire. Would she be any different? Faith had no idea what the vampiress was like as a human. How was she to say that Buffy wasn't always a monster?

"I wanna help," Buffy explained.

Rolling her dark eyes with a scoff, Faith cracked her knuckles. "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me, B. Now you wanna help?"

Buffy was well aware that Faith was not going to make this easy.

Coming out from the book stacks and Giles' office were the Scoobies. They stood in the background and looked at the vampire with surprise, not expecting her to be there.

"Yes," she told the Slayer, keeping her voice even, calm, and unthreatening. "The things I've done…" Buffy lifted her eyes to Giles. "... I know 'sorry' will never be enough. What I've done is unforgivable. I know I have never given any of you a reason to trust me." Buffy addressed the room. "I don't deserve it but… in these last weeks I've done a lot of soul searching…" Her green eyes turned to Faith. "I think my purpose now is to help you. I have information. I can help you kill the Mayor—if you let me."

The room's eyes turned to Faith, awaiting her reply. It all depended on the Slayer, whether she wanted to have Buffy's help.

"What info do you have?" Faith asked, cocking her chin upwards, exuding the power she held over Buffy's acceptance into the 'Scoobie Gang'.

"On my way here, I passed a demon," Buffy began. "He talked on and on about these books that he had—the Books of Ascension. I heard the Mayor talking about them not long ago. They were being dug up from Circo or somewhere like that… But that demon isn't purely on the Mayor's side."

Giles frowned. "How do you know that?"

Buffy turned her gaze to the Watcher. "Because he wanted to make a deal with me."

The room blankly stared at her.

Rolling her eyes, Buffy said, "He's after money. He's trying to sell them off for a hefty price."

Xander appeared from behind Giles, raising his hand. "I've got a question or two… Ugh, one, a demon wants cash? And two, what's an Ascension?"

Giles removed his glasses and began to clean them with a handkerchief, a habit Buffy had noticed some time ago. It made her smirk.

"I'm not sure," Giles said with a deepening frown wanting to consult his mountain of books.

"It's a transformation to embody an 'Old One' after a series of boring ceremonies and tedious rituals. Basically, the Mayor wants to be a pure demon." Buffy explained with a tone of indifference.

Xander frowned. "Why?"

Buffy shrugged. "Why not?" She turned her attention back to Faith and said, "Listen, I can get you those books."

"You're gonna pay a demon?" Faith raised a high brow.

"No," Buffy frowned, somewhat offended by the question.

Faith scoffed. "You're just gonna knock on the door and ask really nicely for them? Yo, you just said the demon wanted cash."

Buffy smirked at the Vampire Slayer. "How quickly you forget who I am." She said with empowering confidence, despite her internal afflictions. "He'll give me the books one way or another."

"Fine." Faith dropped her arms from their folded position across her chest and held her hands on her hips. "I don't trust you so I'm going with you."

Buffy nodded and watched as Faith turned away to head into the weapons cage for a stake when a ghost from Buffy's past appeared standing directly behind Faith.

Willow was the first to notice Buffy's sudden strange behavior. "Buffy?" She slowly walked over to the vampiress, seemingly frozen in place.

Buffy stared unblinkingly at the apparition of Reverend Increase Mather. He stood tall with a dancing smug smile across his thin lips.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Willow asked with increasing concern.

Standing in the weapons cage, Faith turned and eyed the vampire, also noticing her odd behavior.

"Don't you see him?" Buffy's slacked jaw bobbed up and down.

Willow looked around herself, completely unaware of Mather's presence.

Increase stood tall over Willow and closed his eyes as he smelled her red hair.

"Who?" Willow frowned with worry.

"H-he's standing right there." Slowly backing away from Willow, Faith, and the others, Buffy's eyes were on the Reverend. Following her with his blue eyes.

The room looked around themselves and did not see the ghost apparition smirking at Buffy.

"I-I-I have to go." Buffy ran out of the library leaving the Scoobies standing utterly confused.

Faith looked over to Giles and raised her brows, projecting to him her worry for the vampiress, never having seen her act in such a way before.

Crawford Street Mansion: Main Room

Frantically pacing back and forth, Buffy felt hot. It was a strange sensation since she did not have a body temperature.

She threw the thin sheer shirt off and tossed it aside as an attempt to cool down.

Agitated, Buffy sat down on the coffee table with her head in her hands. Her knees bounced uncontrollably, fingers buried into her hair, desperate to make sense of everything.

"Driving thyself mad will not make me disappear, demon."

Buffy slowly raised her head to see the ghost of what she considered a 'crowning achievement' standing before her. He wore the same seventeenth century black clothing he had worn the day of his execution.

"The Lord crieth out to thee, but you cannot hear him. Thou art deaf to his whispereth of guidance." He stood over the vampiress. "He looketh down at you and in the wrath of his disappointment, he will not come to save you."

Her eyes stung with tears, threatening to spill from her eyes and down her cheeks. "I'm sorry... for what I did. I'm sorry."

The Reverend chuckled. "'Sorry', she saith. The whore of Babylon hath a heart that acheth for forgiveness. Tell me, mistress of Satan, Quod Spiritus Sanctus (The Beautiful Demon), hast thou prayed for repentance?"

Buffy tearfully nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "I am a devout daughter of God. I pray for His forgiveness."

A smirk tugged at Mather's lips. "I have said that about myself on more than one occasion. I was doing the Lord's work. But my love for the Heavenly Father was not as strong as what I felt for you. You… a woman of sinful morals and darkness that oozed out of you like warm chocolate—a fine temptation as ever."

Threading her fingers into hair, Buffy tried desperately to block out the Reverend's voice. "Leave me alone!"

Increase walked over to her and crouched in front of her. "I cannot. Thou wilt not let me."

Raising her reddened and wet eyes, Buffy looked at the ghost. "What do you want?"

"I want to be accepted into the Pearly gates of Heaven, but alas, my fate was much darker than that…" His eyes rolled over her, "Thanks to you."

Unable to look at him directly, Buffy felt her dead heartbreak with sorrowful guilt. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"If you desire to be sorrowful for someone, you should feel it for thyself." His eyes dropped over her.

"I am sorry… for what I've done." Buffy told the ghost of her past, as a desperate plea for forgiveness. "What else can I say to you? What can I say for you to believe me?"

Increase outstretched his arm to touch the side of her head and stroke her hair when he morphed into the likeness of little Sarah Holtz.

"Beautiful Princess, I do not wish to make you feel badly." The little girl, Buffy had brutally murdered, looked up at her with big eyes. "I just want to remind you who thou art."

Buffy looked at the girl. Her dead heart twisted and ached with regretful turmoil. The acid in her stomach clogged in her throat, she wanted to vomit for the evils she's performed during her very long life.

A warped smile slowly grew across the girls face. "I remember what it felt like." Sarah touched her throat. "You laid me on the bed and told me to lie very still. From the pocket of your gown, you took out a knife." A tear slipped down Buffy's cheek from the corner of her eye. "I remember wondering where you had found such a thing, since I had not seen you go into the kitchen but then I knew… you always had it in your possession. The teeth of the blade felt dull as it sliced into my throat."

Buffy's chin quivered remembering in perfect detail just how she took this girl's young life.

"I did not feel the world fade until the dull blade hit my bone—"

"—Stop it." Buffy's knees were into her chest and hands were into her hair almost tearing it out.

As Sarah stood from her crouching position, she morphed into Daniel Holtz. "Such delicate care… That was my thought as I discovered my little Sarah in her bed. In the dark, she looked sleeping, until I drew closer and I knew… I rolled down the blanket and saw that you had removed her head from her neck." Holtz sighed heavily. "I looked over to the corner and saw her body—it looked so small and fragile sitting in the chair with a doll under her arm. I began to think, why would you go to so much trouble to arrange her like that?" Holtz stepped towards her. "I now relive that day over and over in Hell because of you." Holtz began to laugh as he transformed to Reverend Increase Mather.

She sobbed with unbearing guilt.

Increase continued to laugh. "Yes, cry out," he mocked the vampiress. "Make a scene."

Attempting to run away from her ghosts, Buffy jumped to her feet and ran towards the courtyard when Increase appeared in front of her.

"Dost thou not see? That is what maketh you different from other beasts. They kill to feed, but you took more kinds of pleasure in it than any creature that walketh or crawls."

"It wasn't me," Buffy said as a desperate plea.

Mather raised a high brow. "It was not you?"

"No," she shook her head. "A demon isn't a woman. I-I was a woman once." Buffy lifted her reddened and glassy eyes to Increase.

The Reverend morphed into the ghost of Hank Summers.

Hank Summers, 1st Earl of Revello began to laugh in amusement by her earnestness. "Oh, yes, such a fine woman you were at that. A handsome woman to be married into what would certainly be a loveless marriage only to be a whore to the King of England."

Tears freely fell down Buffy's cheeks as she submissively stared up at her overbearing father. "Papa…"

Hank continued, "Yes, you had much to look forward to as a woman. You were a worthless being before you were ever a monster."

Pushing past her father's cruel words, Buffy covered her ears and squeezed her eyes closed to block off the ghost. "Please, stop! Papa, I beg you!"

A hand reached out and gently took Buffy's hand from covering her ears.

"Shh…"

Buffy instantly recognised the voice.

Slowly, she raised her eyes to see her beautiful and beloved mother, Joyce standing in front of her. Her hazel green eyes were bright with familiar kindness. A small smile tugged at her mother's lips.

"Thou art tired, my Buffy." Joyce's voice was soft and comforting.

"No," Buffy clenched her jaw, trying to block out the soothing voice of her mother, "you're not real."

The Countess of Revello eyed her daughter with loving eyes. "I do not want to scare you, my darling." Buffy craved to be in her mother's embrace. "I want to take care of you. I just want you to understand." Slowly, Buffy's eyes turned to her mother's face. "Cruelty is the only thing you ever had a true gift for."

Backing away, Buffy's chin quivering. "No… Mama..."

Leading the breaking vampire towards the couch, Joyce sat her daughter down. "Shh," she gently guides Buffy to lie down on the couch. "Rest," she whispered with a familiar soothing voice that wrapped Buffy into a hug. "Rest. You mistake it for a curse, my darling, it is not. It is your destiny." Joyce tenderly stroked Buffy's blonde head of hair. "I'll show you."

Buffy closed her eyes, shivering with the horror she had done in the past. Her emotions were jumbled. She wanted Angelus. Somehow, he would make this stop.

Crying as Joyce stroked her hair, Buffy didn't know how long after lying down she fell into a deep sleep.

Hours Later: Late Night

Sunnydale High School: Library: Main Area

Xander opened the swinging door with his foot holding two pizza pie boxes in his hands. "Pizza delivery."

Oz followed in trail holding two two-liter bottles of soda in his hands.

Willow, Cordelia, and Giles all look up from the open books spread out across the long table. For hours they had been researching the effects of the soul. Perhaps something in the ancient Romanian spell was affecting Buffy.

"Anything?" Oz asked, as he walked over to Willow and brushed his lips against the top of her head.

Disheartened, Willow shook her head, "Not yet."

"We'll figure this out." He told her as he rubbed a hand over her back.

Xander sat down beside Cordelia and opened a pizza box. Cordelia took the pizza from his hands and placed the book she had been previously reading into his grasp.

Raising a brow, Xander rolled his eyes at her as she cheekily smiled and took a bite into the pizza.

Faith walked into the library looking as disheartened as Willow. "I tried to find that demon Buffy was talking about but, either he bolted or he's really good at hiding." She took a seat and reached for a slice of pizza. "We researching the Ascension?"

Giles looked up from the pages of the book. "No, Buffy's soul."

Nodding her head, Faith sat forward to take a book from the pile and begin to help out. Giles eyed his Slayer with surprise.

"What?" Faith frowned.

"Nothing," Giles lowered his gaze back down to the book.

Rolling her eyes, Faith sat back in the chair and crossed her leg over the other. She balanced the book on her leg and opened it. Her mind immediately went to Buffy, wondering where she was and if she was okay.

During her trip to search for that demon, Faith walked to the mansion. But she couldn't bring herself to actually see if Buffy was alright. She didn't know why she didn't go inside because all that Faith wanted was to wrap Buffy in her arms and soothe her tears away.

In frustration, Faith tossed the half eaten pizza back into the box. She grabbed the book and stood from the chair. Giles followed the Slayer with his eyes as she walked up the steps to hide within the book stacks.

Buffy's Subconscious

Crawford Street Mansion: Master Bedroom

In a flash of light, Buffy was lying in the large bed. She slowly opened her eyes to Angelus sitting at her side watching her patiently to awaken. He reached for her hand.

Their fingertips briefly touch before intertwining their fingers and clasping their hands.

Buffy sat up in the bed, facing her mate. He gently brought her closer by her legs. Buffy circled her petite legs around his waist. Angelus pushed a loose strand of her hair from her forehead and leaned forward, capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss. Holding one another as closely as possible, their hands caressed each other tenderly.

Tugging at his black long sleeve sweater, Angelus smirked against her mouth and helped her pull up his shirt.

Angelus unbuttoned the satin pajama top and pushed it off from her shoulders. His mouth trailed kisses down the column of her neck to the base of her throat.

Hooking her arms around his neck, Buffy began to kiss him more intensely, which he welcomed. His hands were all over her naked torso, her back, and breasts.

Slowly lying her back on the bed, Buffy opened her eyes as Angelus pulled down her pajama bottoms.

Somehow the rest of the clothing was removed and Angelus was inside her. It felt right to be underneath him with his cock filling her. It was as if her body was meant for his.

They made love passionately. There was a gentleness that they always found together. Despite their demons and their brute violence towards others, they never showed each other that brutality.

His mouth broke away from hers and began to create an invisible trail from her collarbone, between her breasts, over her navel until finally reaching its destination to her quim.

Opening her eyes as her body hummed with pleasure building to its ecstasy. Buffy lifted her head from the pillow to look down at her lover.

Angelus was no longer with her in bed. His likeness had transformed into Faith.

The moment of questioning her dream choice of lover was short. Buffy held the Slayer's face in her hands and pulled her back up her body. She planted a fervent kiss on her mouth. Their tongues braided together.

Twining her fingers through Faith's dark hair, Buffy changed their positions, lying the Slayer on the bed and straddled her. Caressing each other, Faith tenderly bit Buffy's lower lip and kissed her. She pushed the vampiress blonde hair from her shoulder and began to kiss her neck. Licking her soft unblemished skin.

Buffy cupped her lover's face with her hands and realised that the face of Faith was bristled with short pointy hairs along her cheeks.

Opening her eyes again, Buffy was stunned to see Lucifer under her.

He grinned and wrapped his hands around her waist, clenching his long fingers into her skin.

Buffy lowered herself over his standing cock.

Feeling him inside her felt different and wildly pleasurable. She began to roll her hips and felt the climb of a climax hastily approaching.

The Devil rolled Buffy back onto her back and purposely thrusted inside her body.

Breaking the kiss, Buffy caught his dark eyes and moaned. Holding his chin roughly, Buffy directed him back to her mouth. Their tongues duelled for dominance and explored each other's mouths.

Pulling back from him slightly, Buffy looked into his dark, almost blackened eyes. The pads of her thumbs caressed his high cheekbones. Lucifer pushed a piece of hair from her forehead then closed the space between their mouths in a searing kiss.

As the kiss became deep and heated, Buffy felt a pang of energy that tingled her skin. The tingling sensation intensified as the unbreakable kiss continued on. Lucifer continued to move inside her as he injected her with a heated source of mystical energy from his own being.

Buffy's eyes snapped open.

In a flash she was no longer in bed nor inside the mansion but outside in a forest.

Buffy straddled Faith, holding the Slayer's cuffed hands. The vampiress threw Faith's hands down onto the ground above her head. Faith lied underneath Buffy, looking up at her with a heated gaze.

"Do you trust me?" A sinister smirk tugged at Buffy's mouth.

Faith licked her lips and her face shifted into an expression of moaning pleasure.

The dream jumped again.

Buffy is back inside the mansion and in the bed with Lucifer. They were conjoined together, moving fast, with the Devil on top. Buffy's forehead touched his as she moaned loudly in pleasure. She tilted her head upwards and Lucifer covered her mouth in a searing kiss.

Her body filled with an orgasmic climax and a dark energy the Devil was still ingesting into her.

Visions of Buffy biting violently into necks and maliciously tearing her victims apart ran like a supercut in her mind.

Opening her eyes, Buffy was no longer in bed with the human disguise of the Devil but his demon. His skin was monstrously burned, scarred, and red. His dark usually blackened eyes were red. As they kissed, Buffy ran her tongue over his beast-like teeth. She could feel his sharp fingernails dig into her skin.

They caress each other with a strange mixture of tenderness and violence. Lucifer tenderly kisses Buffy where her neck joins her shoulder, and he slides his hand up and along her outstretched arm and clasps her hand as they continue to fervently make love.

Suddenly, over the Devil's shoulder, Buffy sees Faith standing in the corner of the room, observing them.

In a fit of blackening rage, Buffy removes the tenderness in her caresses and grabs the Devil by his neck, forcing his head to the side. Her face transforms into her vampire guise, and then savagely bites into his neck on the neck.

Taking in the Devil's magical energy of darkness.

Buffy could feel her soul dull inside of her.

Sunnydale High School: Library: Books Stacks

Hidden in the book stacks, Faith wakes, panting in a startled shock.

Crawford Street Mansion: Main Room

Buffy bolted upright. She drew a hard breath and swung her legs over the couch.

Her head buried in her hands, fingers tangled in her hair.

The dream felt so vivid. She can still feel the passionate arousal swirling at her pelvis.

"Harlot,"

Buffy picked up her head to see Reverend Increase Mather standing before her, chuckling.

"A whore to Lucifer." Increase stepped closer to Buffy.

Grabbing her hair in her hands and hunched over, struggling to block the ghosts out and whispered to herself.

The Reverend raised a high brow and leaned in closer to hear her whispers.

"I am utterly ashamed that I am what I am in myself; I have no green shoot in me nor fruit, but thorns and thistles; I am a fading leaf that the wind drives away; I live bare and barren as a winter tree, unprofitable," Buffy whispered a prayer to herself, "fit to be hewn down and burnt. Lord, do thou hast mercy on me?" Tears quietly trickled down her cheeks.

Chuckling, Increase stood straight. "'God is not with us now', isn't that what you said? The Heavenly Father will not relinquish you of this tortious agony any more than he spared me of mine." Mather shifted into Angelus.

Buffy let out a breath at the sight of her mate. His dark hair was long and neatly tied back with a ribbon. He wore a white linen shirt, white cravat with a dark coloured waistcoat with a paisley design layered over the silk, and a black long frock coat.

"Darkness is where ye belong, lass," Angelus said, his accent changed to his native smooth Irish brogue. "T'at guilt ye feel is nothin' but a hindrance. Ye can't live for eternity wi' all t'at pain, lass. T'is is what ye are."

He reached out to touch her face.

Buffy closed her eyes, unable to feel his gentle caress.

"Ye want to be one of t'em, but ye're not. Ye'll never be." Angelus dropped his hand and crouched down in front of her. "Ye are t'a darkness, a grá (my love). Just accept what ye are. T'ink of t'a peace. Ye'll never 'ave to see us again.''

Buffy shook her head, desperately trying to take control of her mind. "Leave me alone!" Buffy pushed away from her lover's appreciation and began to pace back and forth like a madwoman. "I can't do it! I can't be what I was!" She paused and looked at the ghost wearing her mate's face. "I can't take a life."

Angelus frowned. "Ye're fightin' it, lass. T'is is only hurtin' yerself."

Desperate for this all to stop, Buffy looked at the ghost and said with deep anguish. "Please, make it stop."

A familiar tugging smile appeared on Angelus' lips. "Ye know what ye 'ave to do."

Shaking her head as the tears freely fell from her eyes and stained her cheeks. "I-I-I can't…!"

Sunnydale High School: Library: Main Area

Reliving the strange dream in her head, Faith was left confused as hell when she woke.

She can still taste Buffy's kiss on her tongue. Her fingertips were on fire, imaging the smoothness of Buffy's cool skin. The feel of her body against hers.

Then suddenly, Buffy was above her. Faith's hands handcuffed above her head and the next thing Faith could remember was standing in the corner of what she thought was Buffy's bedroom at the mansion having wild sex with a monstrous looking demon she had never seen before.

This dream did not feel like any other dream she's had of the vampiress. It was too real.

There was something seriously wrong.


Walking out of the book stacks, Faith met up with Giles in his office. She closed the door behind her to speak to the Watcher in private.

"Geeves, is there anythin' in the research that could would explain weird and wicked realistic dreams?"

Giles sat back in the chair and removed his glasses. He bit the end of the glasses in thought. "Uh, possibly. I haven't found anything about that subject matter." He gave her an inquiring gaze.

"I was in Buffy's dream," she said.

Frowning with confusion, Giles scratched the top of his head. "You had a dream about Buffy?"

"No, I'm sayin' I was in Buffy's dream."

"I'm not sure that's…"

Frustrated, Faith interjected, "Geeves, there was stuff in the dream I couldn't possibly... She was dreamin' and somehow I got sucked in with a guest starring role."

"What happened in this dream?"

Faith paused unsure how to explain to her middle-aged and generally traditionalist Watcher that she was having an incredible albeit twisted wet-dream of her formerly evil enemy. "Never mind that. I'm worried about her."

"Perhaps you should go try to see her." Giles suggested.

Thinking over the suggestion, which had thought about well over a hundred times in the last two hours, Faith agreed.

Crawford Street Mansion: Main Room

Frantically walking back and forth grabbing at her hair, Buffy did not even hear the front door of the mansion open then close.

Faith paused with concern seeing the vampiress that had been her enemy for almost an entire year appear disoriented and tired.

She could hear Buffy mumbling something under her breath.

Faith frowned, disturbed by the manic vampire.

Walking closer to the vampire, Faith could hear the whispering more clearly.

"My dear Lord, I can but tell you that you know I long for nothing but thyself, nothing but holiness, nothing but union with thy will. Thou hast given me these desireth, and you alone canst give me the thing desired. My soul longeth for communion with you, for mortification of indwelling corruption, especially spiritual pride."

Faith frowned at what sounded like the mutterings of a prayer.

The Slayer reached out a hand to touch Buffy's shoulder.

Suddenly, Buffy whirled around, clenching a hand around Faith's neck and slammed her back against the stone wall. Faith stared down at the vampiress startled. "I can't do it!" She shouted to the ghost of Angelus standing in the background.

Buffy's green eyes did not look focused.

"Yo, B, it's me," Faith wearily said, frightened by the strange unhinged look dancing in Buffy's reddened green eyes.

Pulling her hand from her throat, Buffy stepped away from the Vampire Slayer and continued to frantically pace back and forth.

"Buffy?"

Buffy paused and looked at the dark haired Slayer. Faith could see the wheels slowly turning in Buffy's mind. "I… You shouldn't be…" she muttered in a state of delirium.

"Hey, what's goin' on?" Faith asked.

Turning her eyes from the Slayer's concerned face, Buffy's gaze dropped to Faith's neck.

"What are ye waitin' for, lass?" Angelus stood behind Buffy and whispered into her ear. From behind the vampiress, Angelus tilted his head to the side with a smirk. "Aye, she wants ye to touch her. Ye can smell her desire, can't ye?"

Buffy's eyes lingered on Faith's neck before they reached her dark eyes. "You have to stay away from me."

"B, what's goin' on?"

Bewildered by Faith's question, Buffy's eyes fell to the Slayer's neck again. In a trance, Buffy pushed Faith's long dark hair off of her shoulder and touched her neck gently. Licking her lips, Buffy took a step forward, forcing Faith's back against the wall again.

They stood close together.

Their mouths inches away from each other.

Buffy heavily pants and struggles to control demonic urges. She could smell the Slayer desires, which only deepened Buffy's cravings.

"B, whatever is happenin' to you, you gotta control it." Faith encouraged the unstable vampire. "I know you're confused—"

Scoffing, Buffy said, "—I think you're the one who's confused. I think you need to…"

"She wanteth you to taste her." Reverend Increase Mather hovered over Buffy's shoulder, whispering into her ear. "Think of the peace."

"Buffy?" Faith said the vampiress' name with worry.

"No!" Buffy tore away from Faith and shouted at the top of her lungs. "Leave me alone!"

Faith's eyes widened.

Buffy faced her and looked at her pleadingly. "Please, you-you-you h-h-have to go. Just go. Go!"

"No," Faith shook her head. "B, you need help."

"Faith," Buffy looked at the Vampire Slayer, lucid for the first time in hours. "Please... I can see them and they're telling me to do things but I-I can't…"

Buffy clenched her jaw as the ghost of Increase Mather whispered into her ear. "Kill her."

"Buf—" Buffy grabbed Faith's head and bashed the back of it against the stone wall, knocking the Slayer unconscious.

Dropping Faith's limp body to the ground, Buffy backed away shaking her head. "No, I'm not going to do it."

Taunting the vampire, Mather chuckled. "Thou hast to do it. What else art thou good for? Thou art the Slayer of Slayers after all."

Frustrated, tired, and losing all control of herself, Buffy shouted at the ghost. "Get away from me!"

"Thou dost not possess the strength to withstand me much longer, demon. This is what God had put you on this earth to do. Hast thou learned nothing? As long as thou art alive—"

Buffy lifted her chin in sudden realisation, "—Then I'll die."

Eyeing the vampiress skeptically, Increase smirked. "You needn't have the strength to kill thyself."

Buffy silenced the whispering voice in her mind and turned away from the ghost of her favourite Reverend. "I don't need strength. I just need the sun to rise." Buffy crossed the distance between herself and the enclosed garden.

15 Minutes before Sunrise

Enclosed Garden

Sitting down on a marble bench for the remainder of the night, Buffy stared up at the brightening blue clear sky. She hadn't seen the beauty of a sunrise nor felt the warmth of the sun rays on her skin in nearly four hundred years.

She had been sitting outside in the enclosed garden for the last hour finding the prospect of the next life, whether it be Heaven or Hell, it was decidedly far more appealing than this earthly torture.

"Beautiful, is it not?" A familiar lithe English accented voice tore into Buffy's obliviousness.

Buffy tore her eyes from the brightening sky to see the haunting ghost in an apparition of her own likeness.

The ghost of Lady Elizabeth that bore her face wore an elegant lacy maroon and black gown. A ruby choker was around her neck. Her long blonde hair was fashionably styled into soft curls, appropriate for the seventeenth century.

The ghost wearing her face sat down on the marble bench beside Buffy and looked up at the sky. "Thou art not meant for this world. Nor art thou meant for death. Thou dost have a purpose, Buffy." The apparition turned its eyes to Buffy. "Death has always been your gift. It's the only good thing Vlad had ever given us."

"It's not my gift anymore," said Buffy, turning her eyes back up to the sky.

Lady Elizabeth smiled. "Thou hast made thy choice long ago. This is what thou art. Thou art a killer, Buffy. If you die here… God will not welcome a monster like you. Thou art bound to drown in the ash of bodies and blood. There is no more running. No more hiding behind thy fear. You cannot pretend to be what thou art not."

"You're right," Buffy said, lowering her gaze to the brightening sky and looked at Lady Elizabeth beside her.

Lady Elizabeth frowned.

"The last fifteen minutes had gotten me thinking. I've been trying to convince myself that I am not my demon. That everything I've done in the last three hundred years wasn't my fault." Buffy smirks to herself as she looks down at her hands resting on her lap. "In some ways… it is. Somewhere deep inside, I think I have always been capable of evil." Buffy lifted her gaze to the sky and watched the colours morning gently change. "For hours I've had a lot of my ghosts reappearing to talk at me. All of my victims just lining up to tell me how death is my gift or how I belong in the darkness or how I'm not cut out to be someone worthy of redemption. And I finally figured out why. Power. I have it. You don't." Buffy turned her gaze to her ghost. "You need me."

Stunned, Lady Elizabeth glared at Buffy.

"You came all the way from Hell to try to win me back. Because without me, Hell is just some biblical fanfiction published in a very dense old book. I embodied it. Since the moment I crawled out of my pitiful grave, I've brought the wrath of Hell on earth. But this soul has made me different." She shrugged with acceptance. "I can either seek atonement or damnation. Well, since I probably won't ever be accepted through the gates of Heaven, I know I'm standing on the mouth of Hell, and it's gonna swallow me whole." Her green eyes glazed over with a hardness of fearlessness. "And it'll choke on me. I'm not Hell's saviour anymore. Tell Samael to find a new prophet." The morning sun began to peak over the tall wall of the courtyard just as Buffy stood up from the marble bench.

She moved around the ghost wearing her face and headed back inside when she paused for a moment and looked back at the ghost. "It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you, and you're going to go away. You are not the source of me. I'm not your 'Chosen One' anymore." Buffy entered the mansion leaving Lady Elizabeth stunned where she sat on the marble bench.

The morning sunrise shined into the courtyard covering the evil apparition in a yellow-orange glow.


Crossing the large room to where Faith sat hunched against the wall, Buffy crouched to the Slayer's eye level. Putting a hand on Faith's shoulder, she came back to consciousness with altered eyes.

"B?" she winched, feeling the affects having her head banged against the stone wall.

"Yeah. Hey, I'm sorry." She took the Slayer's arm, wrapping it around her neck to help her back onto her feet. "Are you okay?"

Faith shifted on limp legs, but Buffy hand her hands over her upper shoulders to keep her steady. "I'm fine." said Faith touching the back of her head. "I'm gonna have a welt the size of Texas."

"I am sorry about that."

Faith shrugged and ran her dark eyes over the petite vampiress. "You look like hell, B."

Buffy smirked. "I feel like it too. Will, um, you be okay getting home? I can call someone..."

"You have a phone?" asked Faith with disbelief.

Buffy frowned. "Uh, no, but I can send for someone if you need help. I would do it myself but too much Vitamin B tends to make me burst into flames."

Looking at the blonde for a moment, Faith let a slanted smile tug at her lips, happy that Buffy found a sense of humour again.

She shook her head and said, "Nah, I'll be okay. I think we both need to catch some z's."

Buffy nodded in agreement.

"I'll see you later," said Faith turning to the door.

She pressed down on the lever and opened the heavy wooden door. A stream of bright morning sunlight flooded into the mansion stopping inches from where Buffy stood, still protected by the dim shadows.

Inhaling a deep needless breath, Buffy watched the door close leaving her once again, alone.