At least tell me you miss me

so I can still this silent panic attack

warring under my skin

as I sink into the center of this empty bed

and try to mold you from my pillows.

But I never get your face right
or feel your heartbeat beneath the pillowcase.

If you were here,

I'd kiss each of your fingertips,

fold myself into your ribs,

and ask you to leave

your smile behind

if you must go again.

Kat Savage

-Emmryn's POV-

Two weeks had passed, and I had managed to actually make some friends I guess. I mean Eren Jaeger hung around me because he had a hard on for killing titans, more or less, and was obsessed with joining the Scouts. He was eccentric but honestly a bit of a breath of fresh air. Mikasa and I had learned to somewhat get along though I'm almost certain she was just cordial with me because Eren seemed to like me so much. Armin Arlert, a blonde coconut shaped haired boy, and I had become pretty good friends as well seeing as he was always around Mikasa and Eren. Plus, I appreciated his obvious intelligence. Also, I felt like I could relate to them more than I could the others. After all, they were from Shiganshina which means they too had come face to face with titans and survived somehow.

There were some others from the 104th that had caught my attention, for different reasons both good and bad. There was Jean Kirschtein, the horse faced asshole from my first day. His attitude was absolute crap, but at the same time, I think he was a lot more transparent in his feelings and embracing of his own human nature than many of the rest of us. That made him more relatable to others, but in my opinion, he only had that luxury because he had not faced legitimate hardship yet. Anyways, then there was Marco Bodt, the freckle faced boy I had also met on the first day. He was an idealistic little sap but pure hearted and a bright light of positivity in the midst of the hell that was training.

Within the group of the guys that I had noticed, there was also a pair that hung around the Shiganshina trio that struck me as a bit odd. Bertholdt Hoover, a tall black haired guy with a mousy personality, and Reiner Braun, a blonde haired brutish guy with a personality that seemed to invoke admiration in much of the other male cadets, hung close to each other since apparently they were from the same village in Wall Maria, along with a blonde girl named Annie Leonhart who seemed to want nothing to do with either of them. They didn't bother me too much, but Reiner tended to get pretty nosey about our findings on expeditions, to which I simply shrugged off each time.

There was also a cue ball headed short guy named Connie Springer that hung around as well a group of girls in our class named Christa Lenz, a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes that looked like she almost could have been related to Armin, Ymir Fritz, a brown haired tan skinned girl who was obsessed with Christa, and Sasha Braus, aka potato girl. Yeah, so apparently Sasha had had the balls (or lack of brains) to bring a steamed potato to their first formation, eat it during formation, and then offered half to Shadis when he confronted her about it.

So yeah. Apparently this group of recruits was a little out there, but these were the only ones I could even remotely see being eventually crazy enough to join the Scouts. Well except for Jean and Marco. I only noticed them because of their out there personalities. Also, Jean had one other thing that made him stand out for all the wrong reasons.

"Hey, Emmryn! Wanna come eat dinner with us instead of that titan-obsessed suicidal bastard?" Jean called out after I had grabbed my rations and was walking towards the tables in the dining hall. I shook my head at his obvious attempts at bringing down Eren and his enthusiasm. Those two got in fights often, and I opened my mouth to reject when I noticed Marco also waving me over with a polite and bright smile, before he scolded Jean on talking badly about one of our comrades. I smiled at Marco as I sat down across from them.

"Emmryn, how long were you in the Scouts before they brought you back here for training? And why did they bring you back? You're obviously so far ahead of the rest of us," Marco inquired, eyes full of curiosity.

I sighed somewhat sadly. I missed being in the Survey Corps HQ. I missed my older brother, even if he was a bit of an idiot when it came to emotional stuff. I missed Hange despite her obviously titan-obsessed and loud tendencies. I missed my squad, even Oluo's stupid attempts at getting me in trouble, but more than that, I really missed Levi. We had slept together for the first time the night before I left to go to training, but we hadn't really talked about love or anything yet, just that we were each other's. I hadn't brought it up because I didn't want to press the issue, and I didn't know for sure if it meant the same thing to him. Plus, he was due to come for a check-in soon I think. When would he come? I was beyond ready to see him regardless of the slight confusion I felt. Marco cleared his throat slightly, knocking me back to reality.

"Sorry. I was lost in thought," I admitted before answering his question, "Well, honestly, I don't even know why I got sent here. I've already been on an expedition and killed a handful of titans myself. Though I've only ever completed the first year of training for the Cadet Corps. My training got interrupted by circumstances I'd really rather not get into at the moment. So anyways, I was really surprised when Erwin told me I'd be coming here to finish up the last two years of training with you guys." Marco and Jean looked at me in understanding of my confusion.

"Well obviously it's fate so that'd I'd have a chance to ask you on a date," Jean suggested as he smirked and winked at me. I rolled my eyes at him.

"You do realize I'm like 7 years older than you guys right?" I pointed out raising an eyebrow, causing Jean and Marco's jaws to drop.

"YOU'RE 23?!" Jean yelled loudly causing everyone to stop eating and stare at us. I face palmed.

"Well since everyone at this damn camp wants to announce any bit of personal information they hear about me, allow me to confirm. Yes. I am 23, which I'm aware is about 7 years older than most of you," I announced irritatedly as I stood up, having finished my rations, and walking out the dining hall before anyone could stop me. Walls, these brats are driving me nuts. Shit. I'm starting to sound like Levi.

"So I see you've developed an even worse temper since being here," a bored baritone voice stated from behind me, causing me to jump in surprise as I turned around to see the person I had missed the most.

Levi was there, in uniform, with his ODM gear, giving me a small smirk as he walked towards the forest at the end of the training grounds. Understanding his intention, I followed him silently until we made it to the trees. Once we were there, he turned to say something but was interrupted by me throwing myself into his arms and crashing my lips against his. He froze for a moment in surprise before snaking his arms around my waist and returning my kiss gently before pulling away.

"That was not why I had you come over here," Levi pointed out bluntly. I shrugged.

"Maybe not, but I also don't hear you complaining or threatening me with cleaning so clearly it's fine," I countered, causing him to smirk ever so slightly.

"Looks like Erwin may have actually made the right call sending you back here," he commented, and I glared at him in shock.

"What the hell? Are you that happy to not have me at the base?" I asked, frustrated by his comment. He shook his head and clicked his tongue.

"Quit acting like an insecure, lovesick teenage brat. It was a compliment," Levi responded, frustration lacing his own voice, "I was commenting because you seem much more confident, but I see now that I was mistaken." My glare intensified.

"I have grown more confident in my abilities; however, this whole relationship thing is new for me. I've been used and discarded by men my entire life, so excuse me for being a bit insecure, especially since I don't even know if you love me. Not all of us can be full of confidence all the time, Captain Humanity's Strongest Soldier," I sneered, using anger to try and hide how hurt I was feeling. Nothing in my life had any sort of stability, especially not my brain. I didn't know how to handle all this. To my surprise, instead of getting yelled at, Levi lifted a hand to the back of my head pressing me into his chest and holding me firmly there.

"Who said I don't love you?" Levi asked, his voice low and serious, "You think I would do what we did if I didn't? What kind of man do you take me for?" I shuttered slightly at the thick emotions coming out of his usually monotone voice.

"I-I… I just…" I stuttered, not being able to voice my insecurities at the moment. I felt the hand that had been pressing my head to his chest move to under my chin, lifting my gaze up to meet his. His normally bored expression, now serious, his eyes full of emotion.

"Emmryn, I won't say this often, and I didn't feel like I needed to say it after everything we've been through the last several months. However, it's clear that you need to hear this. So pay attention," Levi said, his baritone voice thick with emotion as I nodded my head in understanding, staring into his stormy steel gray eyes, "I love you, Emmryn Smith, now and forever." With that, he pulled me into a loving kiss, sweet and gentle as his lips moved slowly against mine making my knees go weak before pulling away leaving me red faced and heart racing.

"Levi…" I said, my voice slightly quiet from the daze his kiss had me in, "I love you too, now and forever."

Song: p.s i love you by gnash

Edited: 03/26/2020