Chapter 23: Step by Step
Hiccup's POV
It's been at least six weeks since what has happened and things have been weird as of late. Well for one thing, I have been now discharged from the hospital. Although it's not much more freedom though when I was there.
I'm practically on strict bed rest to give myself time to heal from my surgeries. My ribs are healing just fine. I can at least be able to sit upright. It's my leg that has been the most difficult to recover from.
I no longer have pins and screws coming out of this cage like device out of my leg, but it's still in a cast and I can't feel much in the leg. Dr. Arnold is concerned about how much function I will be able to retain after recovery. Especially since the surgery almost went wrong.
One of the surgeons in my operation almost cut one of my main nerves and damaged a major muscle in my calf. A part of the muscle had to be removed since it was dead. She says I was lucky enough not to have my leg amputated. That was how bad it was. Because of this, I will most likely be on a cane for who knows when.
I have been discharged for about two weeks during which I spent in bed. Luckily I was able to kill most of the time on working on my drawings for the art showcase.
Right now I'm laying in bed with my casted leg prompted up by a pillow. I'm just finishing up my newest drawing for the showcase that's in a month when I hear a knock on my bedroom door.
" Come in." I say still focused on perfecting my drawing.
It's my dad. I adjust my newly replaced glasses on my face and set the drawing aside.
" Um… hey." He says as he comes in. " How are you doing?"
" Fine dad." I shrug.
" Um… Well… We have that appointment today… At that clinic. Are you sure you want to go?" He asks.
" Well…. It's been a while since I was there. I figured that I need to go sooner or later. The question is whether you want to go?" I ask him.
My dad sighs. He's still trying to register the fact that I'm a transgender male. I get that he still needs time. He doesn't even know what to call me. We never had this conversation.
I honestly never thought about being called a different name. I never liked Henrietta, but I never discussed about a new name. Neither did my dad. We just left that open ended.
" Look. I think you should come along dad. The doctor at the clinic can help you out with some information about me and I haven't been there in a while. I want to go there."
" Fair enough." He says as I put the sketch pad away and lift my leg off the bed gently to the ground.
He gives me my crutches and I stand up against them as I hobbled out of my room with my dad following behind.
The drive to the clinic wasn't long. About twenty minutes, but it feels like an eternity given that fact my dad and don't talk to each other throughout the entire ride there.
We finally reach the place. The Grace Herman Clinic for Gender Identity Disorders.
While I didn't hesitate to enter the place, my dad is another story. He slowly lagged behind as though he was some kid who knows he's about to get a shot.
The receptionist who greets us is a transgender woman named Samara. The same woman who saw me from when I was twelve with my mom.
" Hey!" She waves in enthusiasm. " Nice seeing you here again. I was worried you were in some brainwashing reformation prison."
" No. I'm fine. Just got caught in a lot of events." I tell her honestly. This is my dad." I gesture to him who looks a little uncomfortable about her.
Samara sees it," Don't worry. Regardless of gender, they always find trouble. My son is straight as an arrow and I had to bust him for having a mouth."
My dad relaxes a bit.
" Well. I'll page Dr. Reynolds. He'll be out in a few minutes. Why don't you two sit in the waiting area."
I didn't hesitate because of my crutches digging into my arms, so I sat down. My father sits beside me and we still don't talk to each other.
I finally can't take it anymore and say to him, " Dad. I know you say that I need to be patient with you, but I can't be patient if we can't even talk to each other."
" Look. It's hard. Alright." He says gruffly. " I never been associated with people like you. I honestly don't know how I am able to handle losing a daughter."
I look down at the floor. It's not that I don't understand how he feels, but he keeps acting like he's losing me. He isn't. He's…. I don't even know how to describe this."
Finally a door opens to reveal a guy wearing jeans and a t-shirt under a gray blazer with his long curly brown hair in a ponytail. He doesn't look like a doctor, but he is and he's the guy who runs this clinic.
" Hi. I'm Dr. Reynolds." The doctor introduces in a friendly manner to my dad. " I run this clinic."
" Stoick Haddock." My dad gruffly says as the two men shake hands.
" I'm glad to see you back here." He smiles at me. " It's been a while. I'm sorry about your mother."
" It's alright." I tell him.
" Why don't we enter my office?" He suggests. We both nod and follow him to his office. Which looks more like doctor's office with degrees behind his desk on the walls.
Dr. Reynolds sits down behind his desk and looks at us. " Well. We got a lot to catch up on. Haven't we?"
" Look this is new to me. I'm still trying to understand my child. Especially when she..uhh..sorry.." My dad is trying to say.
" It's alright Mr. Haddock. A lot of parents have gone through these situations with their children before. It's new territory for you. It's completely understandable.
" Yes." He frowns. " Yes it is."
" Transgender is definitely something that people have trouble understanding. Half the battle is wanting to understand. Which luckily, you have overcome at this point. It's only a matter of getting the right information and having some support."
My dad nods in response. This is a good sign.
" When a baby is born, we usually tend to identify the child based on the sex they born as as their gender. Their brain usually will function to their personality and how they identify themselves as and usually is comfortable with their gender identity as well as their biological sex. In cases with transgender people, there is an imbalance with their hormones from the start that causes them to not identify their gender with their sex. They see themselves as trapped in the wrong body. Imagine if you were born a female Mr. Haddock. How would you feel if people identified you as a female even though you know right now you are male."
" I see." My father says in understand. " Is there a cure or something along those lines." He asks.
I gulp in response.
" It depends on how you see it as a cure. What only is the true cure to being transgender is allowing the person to transition their natural sex as best as possible to their gender identity. If you're expecting to regain a daughter, it doesn't work like that. You need to allow Henrietta to become who he wants to be as. A son. Your son."
My father clenches his fist. I can tell he's still troubled by the idea.
He looks up and says, " What do I need to do?"
" Be supportive. Start referring your child to what he wants to be recognized as. I can recommend some groups for parents of transgender children that you can be able to be apart of to make things easier for you."
" So what about me?" I ask him about me.
" At this point, we need to talk about your transitioning plans. Last time we talked, I prescribed your hormone blockers that you only recently got back on after a two year absence. Those pills only stop puberty. They do not help you with progress your transition. Only stall for later actions."
" And what are the later actions?" My dad asks skeptically.
" Well for one thing, I want to consider putting Henrietta on testosterone injections. He seems to be ready for this and it will allow the actual transition to take place. Mind you. There is things that are needed to be talked about when this does happen."
" What happens when my child is on it?"
" Well for one thing, it will stop his female functions automatically and permanently. Then it will slowly start his male puberty. Over time there will be changes that correlate with male puberty. Including his voice lowering, facial hair growing, and muscle mass will built up into a more male pattern. This is part of the transition."
" What about when it comes to the parts….." My father tries to say. "...of being male and female"
Dr. Reynolds sighs, " However, a female to male transition is more tricky than the other way around. Henrietta for now will not be able to reach the same stage of being male as naturally born males in terms of the physical parts. That's what you guys have to understand because we are still looking into this. But it's not those identifying parts that make a person male or female, it's how the person identifies themselves that makes them female or male. Henrietta has always identified himself as being male Mr. Haddock. Not only do we need to accept him, but we need to identify him as as who he wants to be. It's not easy for some people. Especially parents who have raised their children one gender only to find out they are not the gender they are born as. It takes time and effort. But as long as you care about your child regardless of him being who he is to make an effort, it will get easier in the long run."
After a talk about the other procedures that I will most likely go through in the future, my dad and I thank Dr. Reynolds before leaving. We're sitting in the car. Not moving. Figuring out what we should do now that this happened.
My dad lets out a breath as he runs his hand down his face. He's overwhelmed. It's understandable, but I'm worried. Was this even a good idea?
He finally says, " So you're still sure about being a male?"
" Yes." I tell him honestly.
" Right." He says before starting the car. " There's a lot that we need to do. I think we need to start by giving you a new name."
" Really?" I say in surprise. Half of me was sure he was going to pull the plug on this whole thing.
He nods, " I never heard of a boy named Henrietta and I'm pretty sure you don't want to be the first. Well…. that depends whether or not you want to still be Henrietta."
" No I would not." I say and we both chuckle in response as we pull out of the parking lot in direction of home. Guess today was a good day after all.
I hope that I explain things well enough and nothing offensive towards the transgender community. I tried to explain things as best as I could. Tell me if you find some of the information wrong.
Please Review.
