Thank you so much IamTheAlleyCat for beta'ing and Ncsupnatfan for pre-reading. Thank you all for reading and reviewing xxx

I need something good today, so you're all getting an extra update xxx


Chapter Eight

Carlisle

All eyes were on me as I took my seat beside Esme again. I looked from face to face, searching for an explanation for their avid interest, but got nothing. "Is there something wrong?"

"Exactly," Emmett said with a nod. "What's wrong? What happened there?"

"What happened where?"

"Bella!" Rosalie snapped. "What happened to her visit? She didn't even stay for an hour. She didn't want coffee or tea, after Esme had us running around getting things for her so she could, and she just left so she could go see other friends." She turned to Alice. "Was she lying? Look. Is she going out with friends, or did she just not want to be here anymore?"

"No!" I said harshly, drawing all eyes to me. "We're not having Alice spy on her. If she doesn't have plans, if she did just want to leave, then it's her choice to make. We have no right to psychically stalk her just for our own curiosity. That's hardly fair." It bothered me more than it really should, the idea, but I knew how Bella would feel about it. It wasn't remotely fair.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. She wasn't accustomed to being refused. Her demands usually didn't hurt other people, though. "She won't know."

"I will know," I said.

"Fine," she smiled smugly. "Jasper, you can tell us, was she lying?"

Before I could say a thing, to ask him not to share his insight with her and us all, Jasper spoke. "It's not my place to say what Bella is feeling or doing. Carlisle is right. We have no right to spy on her."

"Thank you, Jasper," I said quietly.

Rosalie opened her mouth to speak, but I overrode her words. "Bella has a right to privacy as do we all. You, Rosalie, were always most vocal about Edward 'spying' on your thoughts, even though it was no fault of his own the things he occasionally heard, given that he always tried to give us privacy. We are not violating Bella's privacy to sate your curiosity. She deserves better than that. If she is lying, which I do not believe, she is allowed to. She owes us nothing."

Jasper nodded. "I agree. There's a couple things I do want to know about though. She mentioned newborns. How the hell does Bella know about newborns?"

I sighed. "Because she was targeted by them. When we left Bella, we left her unprotected. Victoria blamed Edward for James' death, and thought that, by killing Bella, she would get her revenge on him."

"That's stupid," Emmett said. "Edward wasn't even the one that killed James. That was me and Jazz."

"But no one told Victoria that," I pointed out. "And ultimately, the reason he died was because of Edward and Bella. Victoria sent Laurent first. He was supposed to scout the protection around Bella. When he found her, though, in a place in the forest Edward and Bella favored, he was thirsty. He was going to feed on Bella, but the wolves saved her. Then Victoria started coming herself. The wolves and Bella laid a trap for her with Bella's blood making a trail, but when she came, she wasn't alone. She brought newborns with her. Obviously, Bella didn't know what they were until I told her, but that's how she knows about them. And that is why we owe the wolves a debt we will never be able to repay."

"Poor Bella," Esme said sadly. "She must have been so scared."

"She was scared but brave. We have spoken about it more than once, and I grow more awed each time. She willingly risked herself to dispatch Victoria. She knew she wouldn't take the bait unless Bella was there herself, so she sat in that field, her only physical defense the canvas walls of a tent and a pack of wolves that were risking their lives for her safety. You can imagine how she felt about that."

"Okay, interesting as newborns and werewolves are," Rosalie said, "I have a more pressing question. Where's Edward?"

"Italy," I said guilelessly.

She rolled eyes. "I know that. What I mean is why isn't he here with her?"

"Because I haven't told him she's here," I said.

It was Esme that spoke this time, though I could see the question in every pair of eyes. "Why not?"

"Bella doesn't love Edward in that way now," I said regretfully. "When he left, he left a hole in her life and heart that took a long time to heal. I don't know the full details of it. I do know how she feels now, though, as she has been remarkably candid about it. Even if Edward was here, if he was to lay his heart down at her feet, she would not have a place for it beside hers anymore."

There was absolute silence for a moment as they processed what I had said, and then Esme covered her face in her hands. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into my side.

"That makes no sense," Alice said. "I saw it. I saw them. She was one of us." She shook her head. "No. She might think she doesn't want him, but she's wrong."

It irritated me that they were reacting like this, as if Bella had no choice in the matter. She had made her feelings clear to me, and though it had hurt me to hear my son would never have that happiness again, I had known it was her choice to make. Bella was free to live her life as she wanted, taking anyone into her world and heart that she wished. She didn't want Edward anymore. They had to respect that.

"She is human, Alice," Jasper said gently. "Humans aren't the same as us. Once we love, we love, no matter what form it comes in. Human love changes all the time. I know that better than most. Think of the relationships we see chop and change in colleges and schools. People that are tied one week are not the next."

"But it's Bella," Emmett said, bewildered. "It's Bella and Edward. She's not fickle."

"I didn't say fickle," Jasper corrected. "I said human. She's allowed to change. You've got to remember it's been a long time, too. She hasn't seen any of us for years, including Edward. For her to still hold him in her heart like that after this long apart would be pretty impressive."

"Poor Edward," Esme said, her words muffled behind her hands. "How is he supposed to live with this?"

"He already is," I reminded her. "I don't know what he found when he went to Forks, but he knew then that it was too late for him. He has lived these years knowing she was lost to him."

Rosalie leaped to her feet and made for the door.

"Where are you going?" Emmett asked.

"I'm done," she said angrily. "I'm not sitting around here talking about that human breaking my brother's heart like it's something I should be happy about. She is fickle if she truly doesn't want him anymore; a fickle bitch for what she's done to him." She yanked open the door and run outside and into the trees.

Emmett stared after her, looking miserable. I could see him weighing up the positives of following her versus the negatives—she would rage at him for hours, I was sure. He stayed seated.

We all did.


Bella

When I got home from work the day after my brief visit with the Cullens, I found possibly the most unexpected visitor possible waiting on my front steps: Jasper.

I climbed out of the car and approached him, pasting a smile on my face. "Hey, Jasper."

"Bella," he said, getting to his feet.

I sidestepped him and unlocked my door, gesturing him in ahead of me.

He looked surprised. "You want me to come in?"

"That's the custom with guests, right? You're here for a reason, so I figure we should get through whatever it is inside rather than out here where my neighbors can watch."

"You're not scared?" Even though he naturally knew the answer already, he sounded curious. It irritated me a little.

"No. I'm not. Which you already know." An idea occurred to me, and I frowned. "Is this going to be a problem for you, being inside with me? My place isn't quite as airy as yours."

He shook his head. "I will be fine. My control is much improved."

"Then come in," I said, still not understanding why exactly he hesitated at all.

He still didn't move, so I walked past him into my hall. I toed off my shoes and hung my holster on the coat rack then made for the stairs. "I've got to change. You can stand out there, giving my neighbors a new topic of gossip, or you can come in."

He coughed unnecessarily, and I was sure he was hiding a laugh. Seeming to steel himself, he crossed the threshold and clicked the door shut behind him.

"Lounge is through there," I said. "Make yourself comfortable."

I waited until he had gone into the lounge before I started up the stairs.

It wasn't only that I wanted to get changed; I also needed a minute to gather myself and cover my surprise at his unexpected visit.

Jasper had never been chatty, so I guessed this coming conversation was going to be a deep topic, and I wanted to psych myself up for it; therefore, when I got to my bedroom, I didn't rush the process of changing into jeans and a tank top, concentrating on calming myself. I unpinned my hair and shook it out, feeling the relief as it fell free to my shoulders.

Jasper was standing facing away from me, hands clasped behind his back, when I got down to the lounge. With his plain grey pants and white shirt, he could have belonged to any time period. He really did have an air of history about him.

"You have a lot of photographs," he said, turning to face me as I entered.

There was a selection on the mantle—graduation shots from high school, college, and the academy, photographs of family and friends, and one of my favorite memories of La Push life: Jacob and I jumping from the cliff hand in hand. Sam had taken the shot from the road, and you had to squint to recognize us. Unless you were a vampire that was. Carlisle had seen me at once in it, and his shock had been something to savor as I told him the story of motorbikes and cliff diving summers.

"I've had a lot of life," I said. "Besides, we can't all have perfect vampire recall. Some of us take photos to remember. Some of us just steal them."

He frowned. "I'm sorry?"

I shook my head. I wasn't going to talk about Edward's little breaking-and-entering escapade before he left me. It was stupid of him to do it and stupid of me to still be bothered about it.

"Doesn't matter. What can I do for you, Jasper?"

"I wanted to talk about that night."

There was no need for him to qualify which night. It was engraved on both our memories clearly.

I gestured for him to sit and sank back further into the cushions behind me.

He perched on the edge of the chair and leaned forward, his pale hands clasped between his knees. "I owe you an apology. I behaved disgustingly that night. I should have been in control of myselfת and I wasn't. I put you at risk, and that was unforgivable. I didn't take the proper precautionsת and that almost cost you your life. I can only say that I am sorry. I have been sorry since the moment I came back to myself. I would never have intentionally hurt you. I hope you know that."

I narrowed my eyes. He was lying. I didn't doubt he was sorry for what had happened, but he didn't believe it was unforgivable or his fault. His body language was all wrong. He was defending himself, not opening to me with an apology.

"How about we try again with a little honesty," I suggested.

He looked innocently confused. "I don't understand."

"And yet I really doubt it." Sighing, I uncurled my legs and leaned forward. "Okay, you tried to eat me. Not one of my greatest hits, true, or I'm guessing yours, but why did it happen, Jasper?"

"Because I hadn't taken precautions. I should have hunted before you came."

"Or lie to me a little more," I said. He opened his mouth—to argue I was sure—and I spoke over him. "Jasper, you're a vampire."

"I noticed," he said dryly.

I laughed shortly. "Yeah, you would. My point is that you were a vampire that, according to Edward, struggled the most with your thirst, in a room with freshly spilled blood. Of course you lost it."

"Yes, but—"

I held up a hand to stop him. "And you weren't the only one tempted. The only person that wasn't was Carlisle. Even Alice had to leave eventually. I never blamed you. I told Alice as much, and I'm sure she told you."

"She did."

"Then what the hell are you doing here talking about apologies and control when we both know that's crap?"

His lips quirked into a smile. "You're not the same, are you?"

"No. Five years will change a human. And you're not answering my question. Why are you really here?"

His smile faded and his expression became serious. "I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday, too. You left in an awful hurry,"

"I had plans," I said blithely.

"Perhaps."

"No, I had plans," I argued. "I'm not lying."

"Then why did it feel like a lie?"

I shook my head briskly. "First off, quit that. I don't know if you have any control over what you're feeling from me—"

"I don't."

"—but keep it to yourself anyway. They're my emotions to feel, not to be picked over by you. Second, you don't know. You're not a mind reader, Jasper. You feel the emotions, but you don't know the thought process behind it. I wasn't lying. I had plans. Vague ones that I made so I'd have an out if things got intense, but plans nonetheless. Things got intense, and I figured it was better for everyone there if I left, so I did."

He looked genuinely confused. "I thought things were going well."

I scoffed. "Yeah, 'cause what everyone loves is to be made to feel like the sharp-shooting freak. I let you have a glimpse at my life now, and I got comic shock and horror in return. You guys might not like what I've become, but that's not my problem. Maybe it would have been less of a shock if you'd been there to see it happen."

He shook his head. "You can't read our thoughts either, Bella. We weren't shocked at the 'gun-toting' part, although that is unexpected. It was the fact you had been at gunpoint that horrified us. You were almost killed. Can you not see why that would be upsetting to us?" He drew a breath. "As for not seeing you change, I am not the only one that would have very much enjoyed seeing that happen. You weren't the only one hurt when we left, Bella. It took Alice a long time to get over it."

"Guess that's why she wrote to me so often."

He closed his eyes for a moment, looking pained. "Bella, I understand that you're upset, but Alice only did what she thought was right. She was torn between her best friend and brother, and Edward was persuasive. He made her believe it was the best thing for you. Given what had happened, there was little argument that could be made. Your presence in our life was a risk. We all knew that from the very beginning."

I rolled my eyes. "I know. Believe me, I remember. But it's over now. I am not bothered that you left anymore. I was for a long time, a very long time, but I got over it. I understand now. I'm grateful, even. I would never have become the person I am today if you'd stayed. It all turned out okay."

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "You are bothered. How could you not be? Maybe you don't even realize it, but you're hurting still."

I got quickly to my feet. "That's enough. You don't know what I'm thinking." He started to speak, and I overrode him. "You need to leave now, Jasper. There's things I need to do."

He stood and made for the door. "I'm sorry if I've upset you, but I believe it's better to be honest with each other. How are any of us going to rebuild what we had otherwise?"

"Yep," I said, ushering him to the door with waving hands. "Absolutely. Time to go, Jasper." I opened the front door and waited for him to walk through.

He turned on the stoop and looked at me sympathetically, "For my part, I am sorry, Bella, and I will do my best to make it up to you."

"Good talk!" I said brightly. "See ya!"

He sighed heavily and walked down the steps. I swung the door closed and leaned my head against the cool wood. "Damn, I need a drink."


So… Rosalie is being Rosalie, that was necessary but not a lot of fun to write. The scene with Bella and Jasper though… I loved writing that.

Until next time…

Simaril xxx