Have you ever been so

terribly lost in

your own emotions that

you can't even find

the words to express

any of it?

Kat Savage

-Emmryn's POV-

After a particularly tense and silent walk, Levi and I finally reached the barrack we were sharing until we returned back to HQ. As soon as we got inside, Levi closed the door behind us and locked it causing me to feel a bit nervous. Not that anyone would blame me given the display he had just done with Eren in the courtroom. Biting back my fear, I tried to lean heavily on my anger to avoid getting stressed to the point of a panic attack. Plus, I felt a bit disappointed and frustrated. I had missed him so much, and instead, he decided to focus on his petty jealousy instead of the fact that we finally got to be together full time again. At that thought, my anger was no longer forced.

"What the hell, Levi?! We're finally able to be together consistently again, and you insist on treating me like any other damned soldier!" I snapped, feeling hurt and abandoned by his behavior these past few days. At this, Levi walked up to me, meeting my clear blue eyed gaze with a glare in his steel gray orbs.

"You almost fucking died, Em, and I wasn't there… Now, I'm trying to protect you, but you keep acting like a headstrong, reckless brat! Pulling rank seems to be the only way to keep you safe!" Levi snapped, his voice barely showing any change from his bored tone, but I could tell. He was pissed and maybe a bit hurt. I felt my anger die a bit at his reasoning for his actions.

"Why didn't you just tell me?..." I asked, my voice much softer and more measured than before, still wanting to hold my ground but also feeling like a bit of a jerk for not hearing him out.

"Because I thought you were smart enough to figure it out!" Levi answered irritatedly causing me to tear up a bit at his wording. My gaze fell to my feet as I subconsciously tucked my bangs behind my right ear, tired of hiding behind it with him.

"A lot has happened this past week. I watched a lot of people die, and for some reason, I still suck ass at handling it. My brain is not in the best place after all of that. Nothing makes sense anymore. And I guess I thought you would see that. I'm sorry, Levi," I admitted, my voice softer than before and would have been hard to hear in a room that wasn't completely silent. The only response I received was a "Tch" from Levi, before I was unexpectedly pulled into his firm chest as one of his hands knotted into my short dark copper hair.

"L-levi?..." I whispered in confusion.

"Dammit woman… Why do I have to care for you so fucking much?" Levi lamented, his tone low and thick but still close to his bored tone as the hand in my hair yanked my head up as Levi claimed my lips in a deep and loving kiss. Too soon we parted, and I looked up at him with a shy smile.

"I missed you, Levi, so much…" I admitted before burying my face into the crook of his neck, taking a deep breath, my nose being filled with his comforting scent of soap and tea, "I'm sorry for not trusting you and being a pain in your ass the past couple of days." After that, I started placing kisses up his neck and across his sharp jaw earning me a small hitch in his breath.

"I know a way you can make it up to me," Levi all but growled in my ear before attacking my neck and shoulder, no doubt leaving marks that were going to be a pain in the ass to cover, "I missed you too, Emmryn."

~~~~~~~Sorry no lemon my dear pervy readers~~~~~~~

After fully inspecting each others' bodies for injuries, or at least that's what I was choosing to call it if Hange or Erwin decided to tease us about it later, Levi of course straightened out the room, changing the sheets while I ran a bath for both of us, limping slightly from the messed up foot and from the soreness from our previous activities. Soon, we ended up together soaking in the warm water causing me to sigh in relief as I leaned back and rested on Levi's muscular torso, enjoying the rare moment of peace in our hellish lives. We washed ourselves quickly before getting out and getting dressed in casual clothes and laying down on the bed together with him hugging me from behind.

"Levi," I said softly earning a hm in response, letting me know he was listening, "What is the plan for the Scouts now?" Back to reality. Levi tightened his muscular arms around my thin waist and rested his chin on my left shoulder so I could see him out of the corner of my eye still.

"Our squad will be taking the titan brat to the old HQ to keep him away from the rest of the Scouts and make sure he doesn't pose a threat to everyone else until he can get that power of his under control," Levi answered boredly. I hummed in agreement with the plan.

"So I guess we'll be back to sneaking around again," I muttered, more to myself than Levi, thinking about the issues I had had with a certain Oluo in the past before I had went to training, and that was before he knew for sure that something was going on between Levi and I. To my surprise, Levi responded to my comment.

"Why the fuck would we do that?" he asked, nipping slightly at the base of my neck and shoulder causing me to let out a slight moan before glaring half-heartedly at him.

"I don't know, Mr. Smart Captain," I answered sarcastically before continuing, "Maybe the fact that you are sleeping with the sister of the commander who is also a former Underground prostitute who is still on probation, 11 years younger than you and is a subordinate of yours on your squad might raise concerns with some of the other members." Levi clicked his tongue at that before getting up causing me to roll over and look at him, confusion reflected in my blue and white eyes as he grabbed a piece of folded paper on his desk before tossing it to me. I caught it clumsily before opening it, my eyes widening in shock.

Notification of Permission to Wed:

Soldiers to be Wed: Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman and Cadet Emmryn Smith

Branch: Survey Corps

Commander: Erwin Smith

Signature of Approval from Commander: Erwin Smith

Signature of Approval from Premier: Darius Zachary

"Levi…" I started, not knowing what to say… Marriage did not seem like something that would be a priority for Levi Ackerman… He looked at me, understanding my confusion as he came and sat beside me on the bed and pulled me into his arms.

"Don't get me wrong. I think the whole notion of a legal marriage is fucking stupid. I don't need some official document to tell you that you're who I'm committed to and who I am going to spend the rest of this hellish existence we have with," Levi stated bluntly making me smile a bit at his crudeness, "But it does have some perks that come with it, like not risking getting either of us in trouble with the higher ups from the other branches, which again, I could give less than a fuck about, but it would also put you in a bad spot with your probation. This basically gives us official permission to share a barrack and for me to fuck you as much as I want without either of us getting court martialed." I jokingly punched him at the last comment trying to process all of this.

"We don't have to do some wedding or some shit, do we? Like, can we just do the paperwork while we are here instead of dealing with all the ceremonial bullshit?" I finally asked after a few minutes. Honestly, the idea of having to deal with a bunch of people and go through the motions and wear a dress for the sake of other people seemed like a major annoyance for me, especially with my anxiety. I felt Levi's chest rumble on my back accompanied by a low chuckle as he grabbed my chin and pulled me to the side to meet his eyes.

"Have I ever told you that I fucking love you?" he asked with a small smile and a fire burning in his eyes.

"Not sure you've ever put it quite like that," I teased reaching up and pressing my lips to his in a sensual and deep kiss which was quickly taken over by Levi. After a couple of minutes, we both pulled back panting slightly from the lack of oxygen.

"We can go do the paperwork now since we are leaving for HQ tomorrow," he said as he leaned close to me and smirked, "Let's go, Mrs. Emmryn Ackerman. The office closes in an hour, and I bet the paperwork is gonna be a bitch." I blushed at what he called me before breaking out into a smirk of my own as I pulled away from him and stood up to put on my shoes before looking at him over my shoulder.

"Well come on, dear. I'm kind of anxious to go get our license to fuck whenever we want," I teased with a smirk which was returned with a glint of lust in Levi's eyes.

He was in front of me in an instant pulling me into a dominating kiss which I all but melted into before pulling back quickly and walking out the door, leaving me weak in my knees before I regained my breath and limped after him with a shit eating grin on my face.

Song: I'll Be Waiting by King of Little Sweden

Edited: 03/26/2020