Thank you so much IamTheAlleyCat for beta'ing and Ncsupnatfan for pre-reading. Thank you all for reading and reviewing xxx

Sorry for the late update. I was in London for ComicCon yesterday and didn't get home until late.


Chapter Thirteen

Edward

Being with Bella before hadn't inured me to the bite of jealousy, despite the prevalence of it when forced to be among the minds of the likes of Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley. Even until the last day we had gone to school together, when Bella had arrived for school looking tired after a restless night and Mike had mused on how much happier she would look had he been the one keeping her up at night, I had felt the surge of emotion that made me want to throw the insipid boy across the parking lot. And that had been at the moment of our parting, when I knew I was leaving her free to his fantasies. I was a jealous fool.

I had never imagined it was my father that would trigger the feeling in me, though.

I had spent the afternoon with Esme in the forest. She had found the ruin of a hunter's cabin that had become overgrown with tangles of creeping flowers. The image had entranced her, and she'd wanted to sketch it at leisure. I had gone along to keep her company. Though her art was a solitary pursuit, usually, I was still trying to make amends for years of absence, so when she asked, I went.

We were walking back to the house at a steady pace, just enjoying the forest, when I heard his laughter. I glanced at Esme, and she smiled fondly. I returned it. It was a good sound to hear. We hurried into the house.

Carlisle was standing by the back window, the phone held to his ear and a wide smile on his face. I listened, wondering who it was that was making my father so happy, and heard the voice of my love.

"Okay, I should get going," she said regretfully. "I'm meeting Mandy and Chris at the gym and whoever arrives last, wipes down the machines for the others."

"That sounds…" Carlisle hesitated, "disgusting, to be quite honest."

Bella laughed. "It is. That's kinda the point. I'll see you soon, Carlisle. Say hey to everyone for me."

"I will. Enjoy your endorphins."

They exchanged goodbyes, and Carlisle ended the call. He immediately came to Esme's side to greet her after hours apart. They exchanged a moment of bliss, staring into each other's eyes, and then Carlisle addressed the room.

"As you undoubtedly heard, Bella sends her regards."

I bit down on my tongue to stop myself from speaking. That it was him that was sharing this instead of me, as it had once been, bothered me.

Jasper's gaze snapped to me, and his eyes narrowed. He set down the book he had been reading and stood. "Come look at this, Edward," he said. As he passed Emmett, he nudged his shoulder, and they exchanged a meaningful look.

I followed Jasper out of the house, Emmett behind me, and back into the forest. We ran until we were out of earshot of the house, and then Jasper came to a halt.

I looked around. "What am I supposed to be looking at?" As far as I could see, we were in a patch of forest like any other.

"Nothing," Jasper said. "We're here to talk."

I didn't delve into his thoughts or Emmett's as I had a shrewd idea of what they wanted to talk about already. I leaned against a young tree and attempted to look untroubled and interested. I had no chance of fooling Jasper, of course, but Emmett might not see through the act.

"How are you doing, Edward?" Jasper asked.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Don't you already know?"

"I'd prefer to hear it from you."

"Very nice, Jazz," Emmett said in an undertone. "That '87 psych major is really paying off for you."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine. Sure, things aren't perfect, but I'm fine."

Emmett sighed heavily. "Yeah, that's not even fooling me, let alone Mr. Emotional Tenor over there. You're back—which is all kinds of awesome, seriously, bro—but you're not fine. You're a powder keg."

"Has Alice seen something?" I asked.

Emmett snorted. "Like you going for Carlisle's throat next time Bella calls? No."

"Not helping, Emmett," Jasper said.

"I would never…" I growled.

Emmett raised his hands. "Sorry, man. My point is that we don't need Alice to know things are going to blow up soon if you don't do something. I get that you're going through something with Bella being back—which is also awesome, she's awesome—but you've got to get your head on straight before you lose it."

I sighed. "I don't want to feel this way. I understand why she is able to interact with him like this, but it's just that… Do you know how impossible this is for me? She's back in my life, but I can't do any of the things I want to do. I can't touch her. I can't tell her I love her. I can't even call her just to talk like he can without crowding her."

"Have you tried?" Jasper asked. "Not the touching and loving stuff, that'd end badly, but calling her? She said you're friends. Alice and Carlisle are her friends, too, and they can do that. Why can't you at least try?"

"What if…" I started.

"What are you scared of Edward?" Jasper asked.

"What if she rejects me?" I asked quietly.

"What if she doesn't?" Emmett countered. "For all you know, Bella is waiting for you to make the first move. She knows how tough things were for you without her. Maybe she's trying to protect you by keeping her distance. That's a Bella thing to do, right."

Jasper nodded. "It absolutely is. I know she's different to who we knew, but she's still Bella."

"Go buy some ice-cream—humans like ice-cream—pick out a DVD, and go see her," Emmett said decisively.

"And if she doesn't open the door?"

"Then you'll know," Jasper said, not without sympathy. "We're all doing this blind, Edward. We can't use Alice to check how things will be received—she'd never do it. You can't read her mind, and what she feels is off-limits, too. We're on a level playing field for a change."

That was the problem. I was so scared of her rejection that it was ruining any chance I had of being with her. I hoped, perhaps stupidly, that she would come to the house again to see Carlisle, and I could happen to be there, that way I could judge her reaction to me safely. It was cowardly but safer.

Emmett crossed his arms. "You gotta remember, Edward, that this is the girl that risked her neck—literally—by going with you into the forest that day, even knowing there was no guarantee that she'd come out alive. The least you can do is risk being disappointed if she doesn't answer the door."

Emmett was right. Not only had Bella risked her life going with me to the meadow that day, but she had also arranged it so no-one would connect me to it if she disappeared. She had been so brave for the sake of our love. I needed to be brave for her friendship.

I started back toward the house at a run. I heard Emmett and Jasper laughing behind me, both pleased the pep talk they had carefully planned had done its job.


I knew I had time to waste, as Bella had been heading for the gym when she'd spoken to Carlisle, so I showered when I got back to the house. When I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I was surprised to see Alice laying out a pair of dark pants on the couch.

"Are you dressing me now, Alice?"

She turned and beamed at me. "Yes."

"You do realize this is just a visit to a friend, right?" I asked. "It is not a date."

"I know," she sounded put out, "but that doesn't mean you need to dress like you're going to a funeral. You spent too long with the Volturi, Edward, not everyone wears grey and black. There are other colors."

I glanced at the charcoal pants she had set out for me and raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Pants are fine," she said, heading back into my closet and coming out with a sky-blue shirt. "This is where we're making a difference." She laid it down on the couch with a flourish and said, "Wear the leather jacket."

She left the room and closed the door behind her, a pointed end to any discussion I might wish to have about her dressing me like a doll.

Rolling my eyes but having no desire to follow and argue with my sister, I towel-dried my hair and dressed. I was feeling nervous again now. Though Alice said she knew it wasn't a date, she was acting as if it was. I remembered her attempting to dress me the day I took Bella to the meadow. I hadn't allowed her to then, and Bella and I had still managed to wear coordinating outfits.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting side by side on the couch. There was a book of poetry on the couch between them, but neither was reading from it. They were looking at me expectantly.

"Emmett says you're going to visit Bella," Carlisle said.

"I am going to try at least."

Esme beamed at me. "Send her my love."

"I will."

Carlisle looked at me speculatively. Don't be nervous, Edward. She is still the Bella you love. She is just grown now. She will be pleased to see you.

I nodded in answer and said, "Can I borrow the Mercedes?"

I had purchased a new car, but Rosalie hadn't yet finished the modifications required, and until she had, she would not return the keys to me.

"Of course."

I thanked him and made my way to the garage attached to the house, grabbing the keys from the hook as I passed. Only when I was sitting in the car did I let myself relax and feel. My head thumped back against the headrest, and I let out a sigh.

Friendship was so much harder to manage than outright adoration.


I hesitated on Bella's porch, pint of ice-cream in hand, and took a moment to calm myself before knocking on the door. I heard her footsteps in the hall, and then the door opened. Her expression was surprised at first, and then she smiled widely.

"Edward!" She sounded genuinely pleased to see me.

"I hope you don't mind me just dropping by," I said, encouraged somewhat by her smile.

"Of course not. Come on in." She stepped back and gestured me inside.

Her house was exactly what I would have expected from her. The furniture was an eclectic mix of colors and styles that worked together perfectly. Esme would have loved it.

When we got into the lounge, I ran my finger over the soft weave of a blanket of various browns. It made me smile as a memory came to the forefront of my mind. Bella, so young and innocent, looking earnestly into my eyes. "Brown is warm." I didn't realize I had spoken the words out loud until she laughed.

"It is." She patted the blanket and smiled with a distant look in her eyes, as if she, too, was lost in a memory.

"I brought you ice-cream," I said, holding out the carton

She took it with a smile. "Chocolate. You remembered." She laughed again, at herself this time, and shook her head. "Of course, you did."

I remembered everything about her. My perfect memory had treasured every single moment we spent together and replayed them for me when I least expected it. Sometimes, it had felt like a curse, to think of nothing but her when I knew she was lost to me, but other times it was a blessing as it allowed me to escape the misery of my reality.

"I'll just go fix a bowl." She disappeared into the hall again, and I heard the slide of drawers and chink of china. When she came back in with a bowl of the creamy mush in her hand, she sat down and patted the spot beside her. "Sit."

I obeyed with a smile and, for a moment, there was silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, so I didn't break it.

"Carlisle didn't mention you were coming," she said.

"I can leave if you want," I said quickly. Perhaps I had misunderstood her welcome. Perhaps she was just being polite.

"No," she said. "I just meant I would have changed."

I looked at what she was wearing for the first time and smiled. She was wearing pajama pants with a cartoon police dog on and a white tank.

"I'd rather you didn't," I said. "It's endearing."

"Deputy Dawg," she said, patting her leg. "They were a graduation present from Renee." She shook her head. "She really doesn't get it."

"I imagine it was quite something for her to accept, you becoming a police officer."

"You have no idea. For Renee, life is all about freedom and peace, having fun. She could only see the bad in me becoming a cop—the rigid rules and danger. The only time she saw me in uniform in person was when I graduated from the academy, and you'd have thought I was wearing a shackle and chains."

"Charlie?" I prompted.

"He was as shocked as anyone when I decided to apply. I'd never shown an interest in what he did before, but when I made the decision, I practically moved into the station house. Forks PD wasn't exactly the center of the excitement, but I loved it anyway. I wanted to serve."

She was impassioned, and for the first time, it started to make sense to me why she would have chosen it as a career. I knew the story of her not wanting to be the damsel anymore that she had told Carlisle, but I saw now it was more than that. She wanted to help people in a tangible way. She really was a wonderful woman.

"He came around to the idea, though," she said. "And when I received my badge… Well, he swore he didn't cry."

I could imagine Charlie's happiness. He himself was proud of his career choice, and he would see the honor in what Bella was doing with her life.

She leaned back against the couch cushions and smiled, her eyes dancing.

"I wish I'd been there to see," I said a little sadly.

She nodded. "So do I. There were a bunch of things I wish you'd been there to see, and not just the obvious. Little things, you know?"

"Did you stay in contact with many people from school?"

"Some," she said. "Others I didn't bother with." Her lips pressed into a thin line. "Some weren't worth the effort."

"Jessica Stanley?" I guessed.

Bella laughed. "Yeah. After you…left…I kinda drifted away from everyone for a while. Let's just say, Jessica wasn't pleased when I started to be myself again."

Jessica Stanley had never been a true friend to anyone but herself. Her thoughts, when not immersed in selfishness and lust, were cunning. She had befriended Bella because of her popularity, and she had resented the attention Mike Newton had bestowed on her supposed friend.

"You're not surprised," she guessed.

"No," I said simply. "She wasn't kind. Do you know what she's doing now?"

"She moved to the city," Bella said. "Last I heard, she was working as a travel agent—arranging people's dream holidays."

"What about Angela Weber? I always liked her. When I needed to be apart from you and I worried, I tried to follow her thoughts as they were the most… gentle."

"She and Ben are still together, lasted through college and everything. Angela is teaching, and Ben does something with Microsoft. They're getting married next year."

I smiled, making a mental note to tell Emmett. He and I had been instrumental in Ben plucking up the courage to ask Angela to prom. I was pleased they had made their relationship last. They were a well-matched pair.

"Mike's running his parents' store, of course, and…" She tapped her chin. "Who else did you know? Oh! Lauren…" She grinned wickedly. "Last I heard, she's still trying to break Hollywood."

I laughed. Lauren Mallory had been a particularly unpleasant person, and her lack of success pleased me in a vindictive way.

"Yep. She's had a couple local commercial roles, apparently, and one for hand sanitizer that went national, but that's her lot." She sighed. "It's funny. I hardly ever think of them now, but with you here, it all seems closer."

"I feel the same way," I said, though that was more natural for me. It had only been five years, and though it had felt like a lifetime without Bella, it was truly a smattering of time for a vampire.

We were quiet for a minute as Bella scooped up some of her melting ice-cream. When she had swallowed, a blissful expression on her face, I asked, "How is Charlie?"

"He's great," she said. "Married to Sue Clearwater. They had a small but sweet wedding on the reservation." She smirked. "He has two werewolves for step-children, but he's oblivious. He just thinks they have voracious appetites and some kind of condition that makes them burn hotter than normal people."

"Do you get along with them?" I asked.

"Yeah, mostly. Seth is a sweetheart. You'd like him if it wasn't for the natural enemies thing. Leah's a little more complicated. She got a raw deal with the werewolf thing. It made her a little bitter. It was hard for her to gain enough control to stop phasing so she could get back to a real life. For a long time, she was tied to the pack."

"That seems unfair," I said. "Their legacy works against them."

"True. There have been no more new wolves since Victoria was killed, though, and they're all grateful for that. Some of them love it. Quil thinks it's the coolest gig, especially as it brought him Claire. Sam struggles with it. He was the first to phase, and it was tough on him, especially after Emily and Leah."

"Emily and Leah?" I asked, quirking a brow.

"Long story," she said with a sigh. "Maybe another day."

I nodded acceptance. I suspected this was a greater secret than a simple love affair, and I respected Bella's choice to keep her friends' privacy. Her ability to keep secrets was something I had always valued and admired in her.

She stirred her ice-cream, looking thoughtful, and said, "I was watching a movie before you arrived. Do you want to stay and finish it with me?"

"I would love to," I said happily.


We didn't talk much more that night. Bella watched her movie, and I surreptitiously watched her. When she fell asleep, before the credits rolled, I covered her with the blanket from the back of the couch.

I remembered another night of her slumber in which she had called to me in dreams, "Edward, stay." I wished more than anything she would say it again.

She didn't. When it became clear she was out for the duration, I turned off the television and made to leave, turning back at the door. "Goodnight, my Bella," I said quietly.

She sighed in sleep and nestled deeper into the cushions. "Night, Edward."


So… That's what friendship looks like for Bella and Edward. It was a sweet scene to write, but I wanted there to be more. I want them together as a couple. I miss that. We are coming to it though.

Until next time…

Simaril xxx