Jeremy
Jeremy likes Christine. I do. A lot. I do, I do, I doooo. He also doesn't like Michael.
No wait, that sounded wrong- he likes Michael, but not like that.
Not like Christine. Not like… not like walking into the cafeteria and holding hands. Not like practicing lines and maybe kissing if Jeremy thinks she can handle it. No- not can handle it- if Jeremy wants to, which he does, he just doesn't… get around to it all that much, because they run out of time.
Not because he says he has plans with Michael, wishing he actually did, just so he can leave.
Michael.
"So how's class?" Michael asks, taking a bite of this awesome lunch he brought, leftovers from his moms' cooking. He has them everyday, and Jeremy loves going to his place for dinner, too, because his moms can whip up something delicious out of absolutely anything.
"I wrote Christine a letter telling her how I feel…" Jeremy starts, wincing as he remembered the terrible, flat sounding praise he scribbled on a post-it.
"That's progress!" Micha sounds genuinely excited, which only makes Jeremy more unhappy.
"It was more of a note, really," he mumbles, sliding into their table of used-to-be-two. They sit with Jenna and Christine now, mostly because Jeremy and Christine are dating and Jenna and Christine have become a package deal. Jeremy misses when it was just them, Player One and Player Two.
"It's still progress," Michael says encouragingly, patting Jeremy on the shoulder.
This is the moment where Jeremy keeps thinking about: usually, Michael would kind of initiated their handshake, but today- and everyday since the SQUIP, Michael hasn't yet done it.
Jeremy, of course, has never initiated the handshake because he's damn sure he doesn't deserve it, but hell if it doesn't sting when Michael doesn't shake because Michael never holds grudges. He's not mean and petty the way Jeremy is.
Michael isn't like Jeremy: Michael is proud of who he is. And he used to share that pride with Jeremy. Now he doesn't.
And Jeremy has no fucking idea how to fix it.
"AOTD at my place?" he mentions hopefully to his best friend, who's feeling more like just a friend nowadays.
"Yeah sure, bro," Michael grins up at him from his slouch over his food and Jeremy's stomach does this weird little flip that feels nice.
"Jere-" Michael's lips say Jeremy's nickname and Jeremy stops staring at them. He wonders if maybe they're finally going to talk about what's between them, but Micha just nods his head to something behind Jeremy.
"Hey Jeremy," Christine smiles, sliding in close. She steals a bite of his food, he steals a bit of hers, and the moment is broken by real high school love. The boy and the girl.
The best friend's smile changes from the sun to artificial lights.
Michael
Jeremy's been shooting Michael confused looks for days now. Michael can't blame Jeremy either, because he knows he's been acting distant.
Michael is trying. He really is. He's trying to get over it but something always feels wrong, off, unaddressed and avoided.
Michael knew he'd never get Jeremy, but he thought their friendship was for forever and now the world has yet to settle itself.
And he's trying. Trying to get back to normal, because that's all he wants, and Jeremy's good at it. Jeremy's acting like nothing happened and everything is good and Michael is trying so hard to copy but his own damn self won't get with the program.
"Micha?" Jeremy's eyes dance as he holds out a limp-looking fry to Michael, who takes it with confusion. "He's disgusted, see? I told you." Jeremy shoots a look back at Christine, who's his girlfriend. Jeremy's, that is. Jeremy has a girlfriend.
Christine laughs. "I don't blame you, your food is way superior. Asian food, am I right?" Michael accepts her fistbump with a smile. "I have this aunt and like every time- I swear, every time- we go to her house- not that we go often- she makes this amazing stir fry. And we're not talking all that family tradition with strict recipes or whatever, you know? This is the real deal, where she makes it, like, with what she has and she's got it every time."
"Yeah, I mean, why would I steal your food?" Michael agrees, still holding the french fry. "Why have the micropenis when you could have Chinese sausage?" he wiggles his eyebrows wildly, grinning. Jenna cackles, and Christine giggles. Jeremy turns a wild shade of red. "Nah, it's fine. I'm sure your fries are rad, I just don't want to crush your couple time."
Michael kicks back, and Jeremy and Christine turn right back to messing with each other, stealing food. Jeremy shoots Michael another curious look.
It's true; Michael doesn't want to interrupt. He's not jealous, at least not in the way movies show jealous lovers. He doesn't hate Christine or want their relationship to fail, because they deserve each other and they're happy. That's more than anyone could ask for.
Still, he's excited to play AOTD with Jeremy. It'll be the first time they're really alone since… well.
Jeremy flops down onto a beanbag. "Apocalypse of the damned!"
"Level ten!"
"Finally!" they both exclaim.
Their synchronization ends there- Jeremy abandons his job to help Michael when he doesn't need it, and the plan flops. The next time, Michael gets a terrible twist in his gut, wondering if maybe Jeremy is going to take more than he needs and leave not enough for Michael. He jumps to get them himself, leaving them unguarded.
They try again and again, but it's clear that somehow, they've lost their touch.
Michael feels off. Failing has only pushed the point that Michael is, yeah, a failure. Michael never minded being one, but now he's wondering if Jeremy minds.
And then he feels terrible for even thinking about it that way, because Jeremy's still here, isn't he?
Jeremy throws his hands up in outrage as he gets bitten again, and Michael laughs out loud as Jeremy glares at the screen.
"Bro, we gotta adjust this strategy," Jeremy groans, head in his hands.
Michael nods. He can't help thinking their strategy is fine- it's their vibe. They talk strategy for nearly half an hour, but they still lose.
Jeremy
"Bro," Jeremy says nervously, his fingers tapping against the back of his phone, "I can't. I can't do it."
He's going on a date today, but Christine… Christine thought it would be cute for them to go do something more official than just chilling out on a couch.
"Dude," Michael grins, "You're gonna be fine, okay? It's gonna be rad, and you'll get to say your first time was in a fucking apple orchard."
Jeremy splutters, feeling his face go red. Completely. Wish it was you, he thinks suddenly, and he forces the thought down- way way down where it will never come back again.
Some ridiculous part of him wants Michael to be jealous, which is stupid, because Michael is straight. Plus, Jeremy is straight and has a girlfriend. Plus, Jeremy's an ass. Michael wouldn't want him anyway.
"Nah, I respect her too much." Which is true too. Christine is great in her own head-in-the-clouds way.
"She's rad," Michael agrees, and Jeremy's stomach sinks. So much for jealousy (which, again, was idiotic). "You two are meant to be." Michael winks.
Jeremy tries to tell himself his blush is because of the phrase meant to be in reference to Christine. It's because of the wink. "So, anyway. After. Do you want to play more? Because I thought about it last night-" kind of. I thought about you. "And I have beginnings of an epic plan."
"Dope," Micha accepts, "I got some pot too."
"Sounds great," Jeremy's scared he sounds too excited but he can't help leaning into every moment with Michael. He doesn't know why.
He might. Maybe.
"Yeah." Michael doesn't make an attempt to continue the conversation and Jeremy feels the smile on his face flicker.
"Okay," he says. He doesn't get up quite yet. One more moment of those eyes…
"Well I should-"
"Yeah." Jeremy's screen goes blank. The whole room feels so alone without Michael's contagious smile and full laugh. Without the black curls and the light brown eyes and the tiny scar below his lower lip from where Jeremy accidentally stabbed him with scissors when they were six.
Fine, okay, Jeremy does know why.
He totally knows why.
Fuck.
Michael
Michael smiles softly to himself, bittersweet as he scrolls through instagram- Christine and Jeremy's faces pressed close so they both fit in the frame.
The next one is the two sharing ice cream, Christine winking- she's the one taking the picture- and Jeremy looking like a deer caught in headlights.
They're so perfect, it's like they were written in the stars. Michael just wishes he could rewrite them.
Knock, knock, knock, knock.
"Open!"
Jeremy opens the door to the top of the stairs, peering down into Michael's basement and grinning when he sees Michael.
Michael shoves his phone in his pocket and shoots Jeremy a peace sign. He assumed it wasn't Jeremy because Jeremy doesn't knock. Not with him.
"You knocked," he says stupidly.
Jeremy pauses. "Well, I." Puts his hands in his pockets. "Yeah." God, they're falling apart right before Michael's eyes and he's going to be alone. Again.
It's okay, he assures himself, I'll be fine.
"So how'd it go?" Michael genuinely wants to know. He gets to live through Jeremy- or maybe Christine.
"How'd what go?" Oh. Michael should've known better than to assume Jeremy'd tell him about it… but they've always told each other everything. Before.
"You're date? I mean, you don't gotta talk about it, if you know…" Michael smirks suggestively and laughs when Jeremy's face flushes crimson. Jeremy doesn't say anything for a second, so Michael tosses him a remote, trying not to let the sting show on his face. "C'mon. Let's play."
He can feel Jeremy slipping away again. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it wasn't the SQUIP- maybe, SQUIP or not, Jeremy was always better at, well, life.
Maybe Jeremy drifting away because Michael isn't and will never be enough, and this has always been inevitable.
They form a new plan, but defeat hangs between them, another wall. They're are multiplying by the minute, and Michael has no idea how to stop building them.
