PLEASE READ BELOW! VERY IMPORTANT! DON'T SKIP BOLDED AUTHOR'S NOTE!
A/n: Remember first chapter when I said it's supposed to be like a blog post, where Aurora might cut in and out of the story. Here you go for that example. If it's large chunks of story that is italicized, she's cutting into the story. Basically, any point that is italicized is her cutting into the story. Like pulling a Kuzco from the Emperor's New Groove. Okay. Hope that explains some of what I'm trying to do. If you have any more questions or if you're confused comment down below and I'll try to better explain for you.
END OF IMPORTANT INFORMATION. YOU MAY READ THE NEW CHAPTER NOW.
Do you know what sucks? Getting kidnapped by fat cannibals. You heard me right, I said fat cannibals. Especially don't get kidnapped by fat cannibals who are idiots. I did and trust me it is not fun.
So, let me speed you up on what you missed.
Thorin and Gandalf argued. Gandalf stormed off like a teenage girl who had just gotten into an argument with her parents.
Bombur can cook which is surprising.
Please tell Fili and Kili to stop flirting with me!
Bilbo cannot ever again be lookout. PLEASE NEVER AGAIN. I'M STILLING MISSING MONEY! (Not that I had much to begin with in the first place)
Don't ever camp in Trollshaws. 0 out of 0 stars! Horrible!
It started when Bilbo was chosen to get rid of the leftover mutton and to be lookout. He had been gone a long time and I was starting to get worried. I grabbed a flashlight and went to go find him in the woods. I hadn't gotten far when I saw him looking at the bus. "What?" I asked as I walked over to him. He was staring at the back glass of the bus.
When I got closer to the bus, I realized there was a giant hole in the glass. "What the hell happened?" I whispered as I shined my light over the broken glass. "I just found it. Someone took our stuff. Whatever was left in the bus is gone." I felt like the air was sucked out of me. I had never been robbed and it felt like I was being crushed by the night air around me. "They must not have gotten far." I shined my flashlight around the surrounding woods. I handed Bilbo my flashlight. "You go look while I go inform the others." I started to walk away when Bilbo started making a stuttering noise. I turned and saw him shaking his head at me. "No."
"If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl," I said before wandering back to the main group.
Okay maybe I shouldn't have left him alone to find the robbers. But someone needed to let the company know and Bilbo is a man and I am a woman. See. If it was me, I would get kidnapped and who knows what would happen to me. If it was Bilbo, they would probably just laugh at the barely five-foot tall ginger man.
The company was silently smoking pipes, except for Bombur who was having his sixth bowl of food. "Hey guys…we have a problem." I said as I stared at the group of men. Thorin sat up and stared at me from across the campsite we were in. "What's wrong lassie?" Bofur asked as he took his pipe out from his mouth. "The bus was broken into. Someone smashed the back glass and took our stuff. Bilbo's out searching for them and I came back to deliver the news," I explained to the deadly silent group. I waited for someone to say something, but no one spoke. There was no sound. It was as if the entire forest was silent, waiting for someone to speak up. A few shifted uneasy in their spot, but no one spoke. Thorin finally stood and grabbed something from his bag, it was a gun. The others stood up and grabbed items around the camp to use as makeshift weapons. "Let's move before we lose Mr. Baggins to the robbers. Everyone follow Miss Lorien." Thorin declared as he moved over to me. I glanced at everyone, seeing if they were ready to leave and we made our way to the bus.
There was no sign of Bilbo anywhere. I shinned my flashlight on the ground and saw a small indention on the ground. Bilbo's footprint. I motioned everyone to follow me as I followed the light footprints.
"There's a light ahead." Someone whispered and I turned my flashlight off quickly. We crawled over to the edge of the dark woods to see what was happening.
There were three men, if you want to call them that, sitting at a fire with Bilbo who was being held by two of the men. They were the fattest men I had ever seen. Each of them barely had any clothes on and were at least seven feet tall, maybe taller.
These guys were no joke ugly. I mean think of the ugliest thing you've ever seen. They beat that. Believe me I've seen some ugly things, and these guys are in my top five.
They were talking to Bilbo.
I crawled over to where they had Bilbo so I could hear what they were saying.
"What are you then? An oversized squirrel?" one asked bilbo.
"I'm a burglar… uh…hobbit!" Bilbo yelled out, almost sounding like a squeak.
"A burglar hobbit?" the three glanced at each other.
"Can we cook him?"
"We can try." One of them lunged out at Bilbo but he ducked quickly and backed away from the three 'trolls'. "He wouldn't make more than a mouthful. Not when he's skinned and boned. Perhaps there are more burglar hobbits around these parts. Might be enough to make a pie!"
The three lunged again at Bilbo but he ducked and ran around the three who were very slow. He ducked in and around the three, weaving between their legs if needed. He was doing well until he tripped on a stump and fell onto the ground. Two of the Trolls grabbed him and held him upside down. "Are there anymore of you around here?" The leader of the three asked. Bilbo shook his head. "Uh, no."
Correction, yes there was. 13 Dwarves and me!
Bilbo was not getting out of this.
"He's lying! Hold his toes over the fire! Make him squeal!"
Bilbo began to protest loudly as they swung him around. I quickly glanced around and saw a branch and grabbed it and ran out, hitting one of the trolls in the back. The troll yelped in pain and they turned to face me. "Drop him!" I yelled out.
"You what?" the troll holding Bilbo asked. I held the branch like a sword, "I said, drop him!"
The trolls glanced between each other before they threw Bilbo at me and we fell to the ground. Then the rest of the dwarves appeared, holding branches or just using their fists and began to fight off the trolls. Bilbo stood and held his hand out to me and helped me stand up. "Thanks, don't do anything stupid." I said before charging off to battle.
Bilbo began to run off until he noticed our belongings, he went over and attempted to grab the belongings when he was stopped.
Meanwhile, the dwarves and I were attacking the trolls. Ori shot one in the eye with his slingshot while running around. Dwalin had jumped over the fire and began to attack one. We were all doing well until one of the trolls yelled at us, "lay down your arms or we'll rip his off!" I stopped and watched as they held Bilbo by his arms. "Bilbo!" I yelled out, ready to charge when Thorin held his arm across my chest to stop me. Thorin dropped his branch, followed by everyone else.
And that's when it gets worse. Yep, you heard me. It gets worse! So just to skip over some embarrassing moments since I am legally bound to not embarrass Thorin and the dwarves. But basically, we were going to be eaten. Majority of us was put in sacks and some were put on a spit to be roasted.
Protests came from the dwarves on the spit as we laid in a pile of sacks. I glanced over at Bilbo and scowled at him. "When I said, 'don't do anything stupid' this is not what I meant." Bilbo wasn't listening as he studied the situation. The trolls weren't really paying attention either, they were busy discussing the best way to kill us and eat us.
"Wait!" Bilbo jumped up in his sack and stood "you are making a terrible mistake." We stared at Bilbo in confusion.
"You can't listen to them, their half-wits!" Dori yelled at Bilbo.
"Half-wits? What does that make us?" Bofur yelled from the spit as they were being rotated. Bilbo shook his head at the dwarves as one of the trolls stepped over to him. "I meant with the… uh seasoning." Bilbo added. The trolls looked intrigued. "What about the seasoning?" Bilbo hopped over closer. "Well have you smelt them? You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up."
The dwarves went into a rage. They all began yelling at Bilbo and making a ruckus. Then it dawned upon me, something that the trolls had said earlier. Sunlight would turn them into stone. Bilbo must be stalling for daylight. I stared at Bilbo, trying to come up with something to help him out, but I was stuck next to Thorin with Kili on my legs. "The secret is…. To skin them first!" Bilbo was telling the trolls. The dwarves went at it again yelling at Bilbo that he was going to regret betraying them.
Idiots. I mean, don't they listen? *rolls eyes at group*
Except the trolls didn't believe Bilbo and one grabbed Bombur and raised him above its mouth. "Uh…not… not that one, he… he's infected. He's got worms in his… tubes." The troll threw Bombur back on top of Oin and Kili. "In- in fact, they all have. They're infested with parasites, it's a terrible business. I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't." Bilbo explained as he glanced between the trolls and the group.
"Parasites? Did he say parasites?" Oin asked.
"Yeah, we don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kill yelled. I rolled my eyes and kicked Thorin to get his attention, who understood that this was all a ruse. He kicked Kili in the back, silencing everyone. The group looked between Thorin and Bilbo and began to yell out that they had the biggest parasites.
"You don't think I know what you're up to. This little ferret is taking us for fools!" the head troll yelled out.
"Ferret?" Bilbo questioned, offended at what he had just been called.
"The dawn will take you all!" Gandalf's voice rang out, appearing on top of a boulder.
"Who's that?"
"No idea."
"Can we eat him too?"
Gandalf stomped on the boulder and it cracked and broke, shinning sunlight onto the trolls turning them into stone. Everyone began to cheer. I blinked a few times to make sure I had seen that correctly as Gandalf came down and began to help untie us out of our sacks. We split up, helping some off the spit and retrieving some of our belongings.
As soon as everyone was untied and free, I went over to Gandalf and Thorin. "I thought you said you weren't a wizard?" I teased, crossing my arms. Gandalf smirked down at me, "I have a few tricks up my sleeve." Thorin stepped in front of Gandalf. "Where did you go to, if I may ask?"
"To look ahead." Gandalf answered.
"What brought you back?"
"Looking behind." He mused as Thorin smirked at the answer Gandalf had given. I left them and went to go help Bilbo, who was grabbing a few of the bags. I patted him on the back before wiping the dirt off my bookbag that had been found. "Good job ferret." I teased as I smiled up at him. Bilbo rolled his eyes as he grabbed his bag. "You're never going to let that go, are you?" he asked as I shook my head no.
Everyone began to grab their belongings and clean up camp. "There must a be cave nearby!" Someone said which made everyone hunt for a cave.
For you nonexperts on all things troll, trolls can't be out in sunlight and don't normally travel this far south from the mountains, so they would need to have a cave nearby to stay in during the day.
Also, most of the time, caves are filled with treasure!
"Oh, what's that stench?!" Nori asked as we entered the cave. Gandalf led the group, followed by Thorin. We passed a skeleton on the way in, and Bilbo looked like he was going to be sick. "Its troll hoard. Be careful what you touch." Gandalf warned as everyone split up to look around. I wandered farther into the cavern and shined my flashlight over a few objects, when a barrel of weapons caught my eye. I stepped over to it, followed by Gandalf and Thorin. Thorin picked out two swords and handed one to Gandalf. They were both covered in cobwebs. "These swords were not made by any troll." Thorin said as he studied the hilt of his blade. "Nor were they made by any smith among men. They were forged in Gondolin, by the High Elves, of the First Age. You could not wish for a finer blade." Gandalf said as he watched Thorin begin to place the sword back at hearing that elves created the weapons.
I grabbed one of the weapons and unsheathed it. It was a beautiful sword, something that a great warrior must have once had. I placed the strap over my shoulders and walked towards the mouth of the cave. But I stopped when I noticed Gloin, Bofur, and Nori digging a hole to place a chest inside. I raised a brow at them when Gloin glanced up at me. "We're making a long-term deposit." He said, turning back to his work. I shook my head at them and headed up the slope to the mouth of the cave and walked over to Kili.
"You're not getting any treasure?" I asked the him as I propped myself against the walls outside the cave. "No, the smell ruins the prosperity. Besides I already found some treasure outside," Kili said, winking at me. I mouthed 'wow' as I looked way from him. "Make that up all by yourself?" I teased, turning back to him. Kili's jaw dropped as I walked off.
Everyone had made it out of the cave, having found some trinket to keep. They were all showing off their prices, except Ori who was being yelled at by Dori about taking something from the cave. Bilbo had even found something, a tiny sword, that was perfect for him.
"Something's coming!" Thorin yelled, awaking everyone from their thoughts. We all jumped readying ourselves for whatever might appear. Except it wasn't what we thought it would be. It was an old dingy van. "Thieves! Fire! Murder!" a voice yelled out of the van. An old man fell out of the van, running towards us. He was dressed oddly, a thrown together assortment of clothes, he had a hat that covered up much of his long hair, except the bird poop that was crusted onto the side of his face. "Radagast!" Gandalf said "It's Radagast the Brown."
"What on earth are you doing here?" Gandalf asked, stepping over to his brother. "I was looking for you Gandalf. Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong." Radagast stuttered.
"Yes?"
Radagast raised his pointer finger and began to speak. He lost his thought, gained it, and began to speak. Then lost his thought again, "just give me a minute. Um… Oh! I had a thought and now I've lost it. It was… it was right there, on the tip of my tongue! Oh! It's not a thought at all! It's a silly old…stick insect." He opened his mouth and a bug sat on his tongue. Gandalf removed the stick insect from Radagast's mouth, earning disturbed looks from me, Bilbo, and Fili; who were the closest to witness the incident. Gandalf dropped the stick insect into Radagast's hand, and they walked off to discuss whatever was wrong.
The rest of us took seats on the forest floor, knowing this would take a while. I picked up a few acorns and began throwing them trying to hit dwarves on the back to see if they would notice. My main goal was to try and hit Thorin, but he kept pacing around. Suddenly, there was a howl. Bilbo jumped up and stepped towards Bofur and me. "Was that a wolf? Are there wolves out there?" he asked. "Wolves? No, that is not a wolf." Bofur answered. We heard growling, from above us. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I turned around to the noise and my blood froze. A warg jumped down from the hill above us and Thorin quickly sliced at it, killing it instantly. Another warg came from another direction and Kili shot at it with his bow and arrow. Dwalin slammed his hammer down on the warg, killing it. "Warg Scouts! Which means an orc pack is not far behind!" Thorin exclaimed. I stared at him in shock, "that's impossible!"
Wargs: noun, A giant, eviler version of a wolf
"The warg is going to kill us."
Similar: big wolf, evil wolf, big ass wolf that's gonna murder you
"'Orc pack'?" Bilbo echoed as he glanced between Thorin and me. "What the hell is going on?" I looked at Gandalf who scanned the hills above us. "You are being hunted." Gandalf spoke. No one knew what to say. "We have to get out of here." Dwalin said as he watched Thorin give him a nod of approval.
"We can't! We have no bus! It's gone!" Ori yelled from near the top of the hill. Warg cries grew louder. I rubbed my forehead, realizing imminent death was near. "I'll draw them off!" Radagast said, making everyone look up at him. We're so dead, I thought as I fixed my backpack straps. "These are Gundabad wargs. They will outrun you." Gandalf told his brother. Radagast pointed to his old van.
"That is a Rhosgobel Rabbit engine. I'd like to see them try."
We are so dead!
…
The howling grew louder as we hid in the rocky plains outside the forest. We waited for the van to break through the trees before moving. I poked my head up above the rocks to see what was happening, when I was dragged down and my head hit the rock. I saw blackness and stars as I blinked a few times to retake in my surroundings. Thorin had ahold of my left arm. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and held onto my head. "I think you gave me a concussion," I whispered to him as I blinked a few times again. "Keep your head down then!" he hissed at me as I stared daggers at him.
Oh, I am so going to staple you to death when this is over.
Also, PSA: I did get a mild concussion. And it SUCKS RUNNING WITH A CONCUSSION!
The van broke through the trees and raced away past us, leading the wargs and their leader away from us. "Com'on!" Gandalf told us and broke off into a run, darting between rocks for safety and concealment. We were doing well until Thorin stopped us, noticing that the chase was passing us. We ran in the other direction, the chase coming near us again. Thorin stopped the group behind the closest rock.
The chase went off and Gandalf pushed us towards more rocks. "Where are you leading us?" Thorin asked, looking up at Gandalf who said nothing and ran forward. We ducked behind a rock, holding our breaths as one of the wargs scouts stood on the rock above us.
Thorin nodded to Kili to take the shot at the warg. Kili ran out and shot at the warg and scout a few times, wounding both. They fell off the rock in front of us and Dwalin finished them off, their wails echoing in the plains. "We're screwed." I whispered to Thorin who helping make sure the two were dead. Gandalf watched as the wargs came running towards us. "Move! Run!" he yelled at us as we followed after him. We moved through the grassy plains, the wargs closing in on all sides. "There they are!" Gloin yelled. We readied ourselves. "Kili! Shoot them!" Thorin yelled at his nephew.
"We're surrounded!" Fili yelled. Kili began shooting at a warg and the riders, killing some of them. "Where's Gandalf?" I questioned, noticing he had disappeared.
"He's abandoned us!" Dwalin yelled out. Everyone gathered closed to each other. Thorin pulled out his new sword, while I grabbed mine out. "Hold your ground!" Thorin yelled to everyone as we stood ready to attack. Gandalf appeared from a crack in the rock. "This way, you fools!" Some of the dwarves, myself, and Bilbo ran towards Gandalf, sliding down into a cave. Thorin and Kili jumped into the cave last, after killing a few more wargs.
Suddenly a horn went off, followed by the fraying and shooting of arrows. We listened to the conflict above us. An orc fell into the cave, dead, with an arrow sticking from its neck. Thorin pulled the arrow out of the orc, "Elves."
A/n: So, did you like the blogpost? I really liked writing it this way! But don't worry each chapter will be start with a big bolded paragraph just like this one warning you it's a blogpost. Anyways hit that like button and subscribe to the story so you can be in the know whenever I drop a new chapter. Till next time!
Averymadison1 x
