Part III

She was avoiding him. She'd been avoiding for the past week and he was losing his mind. After she had pushed him away and basically locked herself in the guestroom, he had backed off, thinking that she needed time and space to process what had happened between them. But one day turned into two, then three and now it had been eight days since he had kissed her and he hadn't seen her since. Who knew she would be so good at avoiding him? They lived in the same penthouse but it might as well be different countries considering the length she had gone to so she wouldn't have to see him. She had taken refuge in the guestroom and hid away in there until she was sure he had left the penthouse in the morning. Then by the time he got home, she'd be back in the guestroom instead of in the kitchen or in the living room where she'd usually be before the kiss. And each day that passed, his hope that she'd acknowledge the kiss dwindled more and more.

The kiss.

As much as he wanted to kick his own ass for kissing her and causing her to hide from him, he couldn't deny that the kiss was everything to him. He had been dreaming and fantasizing about kissing her for weeks now and he had finally done it. And it was more amazing than he ever thought it could be. To have her so close to him, to have her in his arms, he didn't think it could get better than that. But her reaction afterwards was like a bucket of cold water washing down on him, sobering him up and reality slapping him in the face that despite what he thought—wanted and hoped for—maybe she didn't feel the same way about him as he did for her.

And that was a painful truth to swallow.

That maybe he had imagined all the looks, laughs and smiles that they shared over the past couple of months, where she had looked at him like she saw something good in him—a contrast from the disdain she had regarded him with in their earlier days. Maybe just because he was so in love with her that he had fooled himself into believing that she felt the same way about him. Maybe he had been the fool all along and allowed himself to forget about the arrangement and let himself believe that they were in a real marriage. And maybe he had just completely fucked this up beyond belief and pushed her too far.

He had all these maybes running around in his head and no matter how many glasses of scotch he had drank tonight wasn't helping. He sighed, running his fingers through his hairs and tugging at them in frustrations, willing his eyes to not look across the penthouse at the locked door that remained closed. The one that had her behind it. He hated that she was dodging him, he hated that they both couldn't be adults about this and just talk and get everything out in the open. But what he hated most was that he had caused her to feel like she needed to run from him, like she was scared of him. The sick feeling that overtook his stomach whenever the notion that he might have pushed her too far and scared her rose up again and he hated himself.

All he wanted to do was to fix it and after days of debating with himself and trying to find any other to fix it but failing, he knew just what he had to do.

He held the yellow manila envelope in his hand and paused before opening the door, leaning his head on it. He was tired of having Erin hide from him and he knew he had to fix everything. And as much as he didn't want to do what he was about to do, he had to put her first and go through with it—no matter how much pain it would cause him.

He took out his keys and placed it into the lock and opened the door to his penthouse, knowing that Erin would still be in the kitchen thinking that he'd still be at work. That was why he had come home a couple of hours early, hoping to catch her before she cocooned herself in the guestroom again so she wouldn't have to see him. And just as he hoped, she was sitting at the kitchen island, frozen in place at his appearance. She definitely wasn't expecting him, judging by her body language and she quickly shook herself out of her stupor and made to flee once again but he was quicker and stopped her in her path. They needed to talk and clear the air, once and for all.

"Wait wait wait, Erin," he stood in front of her path, causing her to stop but she was still avoiding his eyes, looking down at the floor instead of him and it hurt, knowing that she couldn't even look at him. "Please." He wanted to reach out to her and hold her but he didn't want to make things worse so he held himself back, aching at having her so close yet so far.

"I need to go," was her quiet reply, trying to get around him again but he stepped in front of her again. "Jay."

"Please," he pleaded again. "Just listen to me okay? Please. Just five minutes and I promise Erin, I'll let you go." He curled his hand into a fist so he wouldn't give into his urge and touch her. "I just want to fix this so just five minutes."

She remained in her spot, still avoiding his eyes but nodding, giving him the chance he'd been waiting for over a week. "Thank you," he breathed. "Erin, I'm sorry." He needed to apologize to her, make her see just how sorry he was for putting her in this situation and taking advantage of her and kissing her. "I'm sorry that I kissed you and ruined things between us. That was…I read into things that weren't there for you and I'm sorry." He sighed, words were tumbling around in his heads, countless apologies were on the tip of his tongue but he was having a hard time getting his words out in a coherent way he wanted them to. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "God Erin, I fucked up completely and I don't know what else to say." He rubbed his mouth with his hand, loathing himself for putting them in this position. She still wasn't meeting his eyes, keeping them glued to the floor, the fridge, anywhere else beside him. As much as he hated the fact she wouldn't meet his eyes and he could tell by her body language that she was dying to get away from him, they needed to get everything out in the open.

"Erin," he tried again, "Please look at me." She must've heard the desperation in his voice because she slowly lifted her head and finally met his eyes. He sucked in his breath, getting lost in the depth of her hazel eyes after not seeing them for so long. She was just so beautiful and he was just so in love with her. He tried to smile but he was sure it came off as more of a grimace than anything. "I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "Please stop saying that." Her voice was hoarse and she sounded broken and he hated himself even more for her current state, knowing that he brought them here with his rash actions.

"I need to say it though. I have to say it so you'd know just horrible I feel about everything." He ran his tongue over his lips. "I hate that I ruined things between us. Everything was going so well when it was just the two of us and it was just so easy for me to fall in love with you and make myself forget about our situation. I fooled myself into thinking that I wasn't alone in my feelings because I wanted it so much. I wanted to believe that for you, it was more than an agreement too. But it's not and I need to accept that." He nodded his head, trying to force himself to accept that she didn't feel the same way about him as he did for her and that he needed to let her go. Let her be happy and not force her to spend the next three months hiding away in a room, trying to get away from him. He was desperately in love with her and that meant he needed to put her first. "I hate that I made you feel like you can't be in this house. That you can't be around me anymore. That you need to hide away in that room so you can feel safe. I don't ever want you to feel like you're not safe or that you need to hide. And that's why as much as this kills me, I got you this."

He handed her the envelope he was holding in his hand and waited for to open it to see what was inside. She slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the papers inside.

"Divorce papers?"


Erin felt her breath completely sucked out of her at seeing the stack of papers in her hand. Divorce. He was giving her a divorce.

"What?" She couldn't get a full sentence out, completely take aback by this sudden twist.

Jay gulped, like he was bracing himself for what he was about to say. "Yeah," he began. "Erin, you spent the last week hiding away from me in that room because you couldn't bear to see my face. Because I pushed you too far and took things to where you didn't want them to go. And I can say I'm sorry over and over again but I know it's not enough. And I don't want to make you spend the next months hiding away until the arrangement is over and you can be free." He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing at the action. "So I'm setting you free. You can be free from me."

She didn't hear half of the things that he was saying, her head too stuck in the word 'divorce' alone to process anything else. What did make their way inside her ears showed her that Jay was truly thinking that she didn't want him. That she didn't feel the same way about him. And that was the exact opposite from the truth. He didn't know that she only avoided him because it was the best thing for him. He didn't know how hard it was for her to be push him away when he kissed her because that kiss just made it even more clearer to her that she loved him. She was in love with Jay Halstead. Tears gathered in her eyes, feeling disdain for herself for making him think that she didn't want him. For making him blame himself thinking that he was at fault when it was all hers. She wiped away a couple of stray tears that fell from her face.

"Jay," she took a deep breath, unable to take her eyes off of the divorce papers. "Divorce…."

He nodded. "I want you to be happy and as much as I wanted to be the one that makes you happy, I'm not. And if this is what's going to make you happy then I'll do it."

"What about your case?"

"I don't care about the case, the bad press or the business deal," Jay immediately replied. "I don't give a damn about anything else. The only thing that I care about here is you." He really was too good for her, Erin thought. Here he was being completely unselfish when he was obviously still hurting because of her. Because she made him think that he had pushed her too far with the kiss.

"Jay. It's not…you didn't do anything," she stuttered, debating whether to tell him the complete truth or not. She was at a fork in the road, knowing that the divorce would be the best thing for him—for her to be completely out of his life, away from him, so he could move on and be with someone far more suitable for him than her like Fiona or Ally. But there was a selfish part—the one that loved him—that was having trouble letting him go, for him to be completely out of her life, for her to continue on without seeing his face every day, without talking to him, being around him. Was she ready for that?

He studied her expression, his own eyes scrutinizing the anguish that were written clearly on her face. "Erin?" He exhaled. "You don't feel the same way about me right?"

She met his eyes for a quick second, seeing the poorly hidden hope in them, waiting for her answers and she needed to look away if she was going to walk away from him. She brought her eyes back to the ground, where it was safer for her. "Erin." He was calling her name again, like he saw something when she looked at him. Something that he didn't see before.

He stepped closer to her, finally reaching out to touch her arms. "Erin," he tried again. "I meant it. I am completely in love with you. I'm crazy about you and everything about you. I'm crazy about the way you are so ambitious and determined to reach your goals that I can do nothing but admire you. I'm crazy about the way how you can be across the room from me in a room full of people and you'd still catch my eyes and make me lose my breath because you're so beautiful. I'm crazy about the way I'd be next to you and you'd turn and look at me and I'd lose all rational thoughts in my head. And you smile at me with your dimples and I lose my mind at that because those smiles keep me up at night. And I'm crazy about the way you make me want to be a better person, that you motivate me to better myself because you see right through all my bullshit."

He reached into her hand and grabbed the divorce papers from her. He gripped them in his hands, his tight hold on them forming wrinkles at the corner.

"If I could, I'd be married to you for the rest of my life. But like I said, the most important thing for me is that you're happy and if you're not happy here then I can let you go. I can sign these papers. But I want to hear you say that you don't feel the same way about me." Erin snapped her head up at his request. "Tell me Erin, tell me that you don't love me and I'll let you go." She was at a loss for words, mouth parted unable to form any sort of reply to him. "Tell me, please. I need to hear you say it."

"Jay," she stuttered, her mouth began to quiver, tears starting to come down her face. He just held her face in his hand and stared into her glistening eyes.

"Please," he begged again, his own eyes starting to glisten with unshed tears too. "I need to hear you say the words. Tell me Erin. Tell me you don't love me. That you don't feel the same way about me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me." She sucked in her breath, trying to stop the sobs from coming out. "Please."

"I don't…I don't love" she began, stammering, but she knew she couldn't do it. There was no way she could look into his eyes and let those words come out of her mouth. Not when her heart was screaming out in pain at just how much she loved him. "I..I can't," she admitted, tilting her head down.

He closed his eyes like he was relieved and brought his forehead to hers, one hand on the back of her neck, leaning against each other. He let out a deep sigh, eyes still closed and their faces just inches away from each other, their breath mixing. "I can't," Erin repeated. He just nodded, Erin feeling the motion against her forehead and he brought his other hand on her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Erin," he breathed out. He finally managed to lift his head away from her but he remained close, waiting for her open her eyes and look at him. When she finally did, there was an elation in them, so pure that she almost forgot that even though she couldn't tell him that she didn't love him, it didn't change anything between them.

"Jay," she started, pulling his arms away from her, his smile dropping at her actions. She took a step back and steeled herself. "Just because I can't say the words doesn't change anything between us."

Confusion made its way to him and he shook his head in disbelief. "What?" He rubbed his jaw again, his hand coming to rest on the kitchen island like he needed support. "Erin, why?"

She shook her head, picking up the divorce paper and ready to head back into her room. She needed space. She needed to get out of there so she could make a rational decision—one that would be good for him—and she couldn't do that if she remained in the same room at him and he was looking at her with nothing but love and hope.

"Erin!" He called her name but she didn't stop, continuing her way back to the guestroom. "Damn it," he cussed, slamming his hand on the counter. "Just stop please! Just stop and talk to me!" He sounded tortured and that was what caused her to finally stop. He took the chance and came over to her, holding her shoulders again—whether to just hold her or so he could stop her just in case she decided to flee again, she didn't know. "Just talk to me. Let me inside your head. Don't we owe each other at least that? After everything?"

She gave in, knowing that he was right. He did deserve the truth. After all, she had callously shut him out for the past week and made him wallow in self blame when he didn't do anything wrong. And she just knew that if she ignored him this time, he'd go back to do the same and she didn't want that for him. "Okay."

"I don't know what you're thinking here Erin," he started. "I don't know what to do here. One minute I think you hate me for kissing you and I give you an out but you tell me you can't say that you don't love me. Then you pull the rug out and say nothing's changed between us and I'm left reeling here. I just…I just want to know what you're thinking. I want to know how you feel about me. About us. So please let me in."

"I can't say I don't love you because I'd be lying if I said that," Erin began, knowing that she was hurting Jay badly right now. "But we can't be together Jay. Not like how you want us to be."

"Why not?" Jay countered. "It's okay if you don't love me right now Erin. I just want a chance for us to try things for real. Don't….don't worry about not loving me. I love you more than enough for both of us and maybe one day, you'll get there. All I'm asking for here is a chance. Give us a chance and see how great we can be together."

She let out an empty chuckle, her heart constricting at his words and the sincerity behind them. She cupped his face and ran her thumb across his jaw. "I love you Jay," she confessed. After holding those words to herself, it felt good to finally say them out loud. It felt good to let him know that she loved him just as much as he loved her, if not more. "I'm in love with you too."

There was no words to describe the pure giddiness that overtook his face at her confession, his face splitting into a huge smile at her words. "You love me?" he asked, almost as if it was a dream and he couldn't believe it. She released a small smile, nodding.

"I love you," she reaffirmed her feelings. She needed him to know that she loved him and that no matter what, she wanted nothing but best for him. He thought he needed to let her go to make her happy but it was the opposite. She was the one that needed to let him go for him to get what he deserved and he deserved far better than her. "And because I love you, I can't be with you Jay."

He dropped his hands that were on her and took a step back, like she had just slapped him. "What?"

She sighed. "You deserve better than me Jay and you and me? It's not a good idea."

"I deserve better than you?" he asked, his tone becoming angry. "Is this what the whole thing's been about?"

"It's the truth!" she retorted back, voice matching his. "Look at you and look at me, Jay. You're everything a girl could want. You're handsome, rich, educated and the fact that you're actually a great person just add to your list of perfection and you should be with someone like Fiona, someone just as good looking, just as rich and educated. Someone that you can have on your arms at parties and know you can be proud of her. Someone that your friends and family doesn't look down on and embarrasses you."

"What?" he sounded utterly lost. "Did my dad or Will say something to you? Is that what brought this on?"

She scoffed. "No," she replied. "It's just the truth Jay. We can hide out in here and avoid the blatant truth that we're just too different and come from different world but out there, we can't. We're not from the same world."

He narrowed his eyes at her, his hands cocked to his hips. "I don't care about the world Erin!" he shouted, hoping he could get through to her. "I don't care about anyone else!"

She let out a sad smile. "Jay, we can pretend all we want when it's just the two of us that it doesn't matter but when we're out there, it just keeps slapping me in the face that I'm not good enough for you."

"I don't care!" Jay protested, his arms reaching out to hold her again. "I love you and you said you love me and that's all that matters."

"You deserve better."

"You're the best person I know so if you really believe that, then you're the person I deserve," Jay argued back.

"No, I'm not," Erin refuted. "There's a lot about me that you don't know. Things I've done in the past. The person I was."

He scoffed, shrugging his shoulders. "So everyone has a past. So what?"

She shook her head, knowing that he didn't get it. The true ugliness of her past and who she used to be. "Not like mine. There are things about me you don't know."

"Then tell me," Jay implored, both with his words and his eyes, almost begging her. "Let me in and tell me. Tell me every so-called horrible things you've done in the past and let me show you that I'll love you anyways. Let me in and let me get to know you Erin. The good, the bad, everything."

She brushed off his hold on her, bringing her arms across her chest like they were walls built to keep him out. If he wanted to know then she'd tell him. Then maybe then he would finally see that she wasn't for him and walk away. Maybe he'd finally see the light that he deserved better than her.

"Do you know what I was doing when I was ditching classes?" she began, keeping her voice steady as best she could. "I was selling myself on the corner for a dime bag because I just needed a fix that badly that I was willing to sell my body for. I was willing to blow any guy if he had enough money to offer me. I was street trash. I was a teenager hooker Jay and I am not the person for you. Can you just imagine what people in your life would say if they heard that you married a teenage hooker?" She exhaled after finishing her story. She was tired and she just revealed her horrible dark secret about herself and now he finally knew the whole truth. And she was sure he'd be running for the hills by now. Who wouldn't after seeing that she used to work the street as a teenager and that she used to be a drug addict? She braced herself for his reaction. Just because she wanted him to see the light about her didn't mean that the moment when he did would hurt any less for her so she avoided his eyes, waiting for him to finally walk away.

"Is that supposed to scare me?" Jay asked. "Turn me off? Make me see you as some disgusting person because you got dealt a shitty hand in life?" He wasn't walking away. If anything, he moved closer to her and he tilted her head up with his finger. "Because I don't." She could see in his eyes that he was telling her the truth. He was looking her the same way that he had before—like she was something to be treasured. There were no hint of disgust or repulsion in his eyes like she was expecting. "I don't care about the past Erin." He gripped her arms, keeping her in place like he was the one afraid of her running away instead of the other way. "I don't care where you've been, what you've done, who you were. That was the past-Erin. I care about this Erin. The one that's standing right here in front of me. The one that got her life on track despite everything life has thrown at her, the one that studies until late at night because she is dead set on improving herself and making something better of herself, the one that put others ahead of herself like me because she wants better for me. I care about that Erin and I love that Erin. I want to be with that Erin. No one else."

"What can I do to drive you away? Make you see reason that I'm not good for you?"

"Nothing!" he replied, sounding absolute. "As long as you love me, I'm staying here. And if you don't love me anymore then I'll go but I'll still love you anyway."

She gritted her teeth. "I don't love you," she bit out, hoping that it would be what she needed to make him see the light. But it didn't work because he didn't let go of her. He stepped even closer, his face so close to her.

"I don't believe you." He bent his head down so close that she could see every freckles on his face, count every dots like they were stars on the clear night sky. "Say it again" he said like he was daring her. His lips were ghosting over her and she could feel him all around her—his body, his hand, the scent of his cologne. Every sense of hers was filled by him and she was too weak to put up a worthy fight. Not when he was holding her so close to him and his eyes…god, his eyes! They still looked at her the same even after finding out about her dark past. She didn't stand a chance against him.

"I love you," she finally gave in, unable to fight the fact any longer. He let out a small smile before crashing his lips on hers, kissing her like she had never been kissed before. And maybe she hadn't. At least not like this. Not so passionately that she felt every inch of her body burst into flames and she couldn't help herself but pull him closer to her and it still wasn't close enough. He deepened the kiss even more, tongues coming into the fold and she was grateful that he was holding her or otherwise she literally would've swooned right there in the kitchen. She shivered in pleasure as his mouth traveled down to her neck, kissing the path of skin. She stopped thinking, losing all coherent thoughts. The only thing on her mind then was him and just him. She leaned her head to side, giving him more access, all while she dug her fingers into his hairs and tugging at the soft and silky strands. His hands were roaming all over her body, leaving her writhing under his heated palms before they finally found home on her hips. He pulled his mouth off of her to look at her face, almost like he was asking for permission. Permission to take this all the way and she couldn't refuse, managing to give him a small nod before he resumed his mission to drive her crazy and spark her alive.

He lifted her up by the hips and her legs automatically wound around him, her arms tightening around his neck like she was holding on for dear life. She felt herself being moved but she was too busy kissing everywhere she could on his face and his neck, Jay releasing a groan when she found a spot by his ears. She smirked like she found a treasure and focused her attention on that spot, feeling him get harder, her own arousal spiking at feeling him. She didn't even realize that he had brought them to his room until he laid her gently on his king sized bed and she was left to look up at him. She gazed into his eyes, seeing the lust in them like he wanted to rip off all of her clothes and a jolt of electricity charged through the room. She got up on her knees and reached out to him who was still standing next to the bed. She reached out to tug him closer and slowly she pulled off his blazer then immediately getting to work on the buttons on his shirt, releasing each button in a hurry before tugging that off too and throwing it over his shoulder. Her hand explored his bare chest, feeling the smooth and soft skin before meeting the contrasting stomach that was all hard and rippled and that dipped in all the right places. She leaned forward to kiss his pecs and he placed his head on top of hers before pulling her head up to seal his lips over hers again.

It was his turn to unclothe her and he did it so deliberately that goosebumps formed all over her skin from his touch. Finally when they were both equally bare, they just stayed still for a minute, eyes taking each other in and breathing against each other.

"You're so beautiful," he voiced, hands slowly caressing her shoulder. She smiled, feeling truly beautiful under his appreciative stare and she caught his lips in a tender kiss that quickly turned passionate yet again. His arms tightened around her until she was completely up against his chest and she gripped his shoulder in pure pleasure. Then as gently as he could, he laid her down on the bed and his body followed until he was hovering over her, staring down at her. He reached out with his fingers to softly caressed her face before tucking a strand of hair behind her ears, Erin smiling at the tender touch. There was just something so intimate about the way he was looking at her, holding her that she had never experienced with anyone before. And she wanted even more of it so she brought her head up to rejoin their mouths together.

Then it was a frenzy of limbs and lips and she drowned in complete pleasure of his touch and his body. She moaned loudly when his hands cupped her breasts, she gasped unabashedly when his fingers entered her folds, and she bursted into flames when he finally entered her. He cupped her face with both hands and crushed his lips against her in unrestrained fashion like he couldn't get enough of her and her of him. Soon enough, the controlled pace of his hips driving into her flew out the window and the sound of pleasure that came out of her mouth awoke something in him—something feral, something desperate. She gasped louder, pleasure building more and more as he drove into her again and again, giving into her demand to go harder and faster. There was a desperate meeting of lips, frenzied and messy, as she clawed his back unable to hold herself back. The heat that rose from every inch of her body and the friction that was building by the second finally erupted as she came, her body quivering from keen pleasure of the most powerful climax she had ever had in her life and just seconds later, he followed, waves of guttural groans coming out of him as he reached his own high and he reached his own climax. He could no longer hold himself up and he collapsed on top of her and she welcomed the weight, holding him closer to her, both of them panting, trying to regain their breath. He kissed her almost languidly and she smiled into the kiss, completely satisfied and more than amazed that lovemaking could ever be like that.


She was completely spent. Her legs felt like jelly and there was still a thin sheet of sweat covering her body and she had never been more satisfied and content, being in Jay's bed. He was lying on his back, Erin half on top of him, one of his hand on her back while one of hers was drawing patterns on his chest. The room was quiet and the only source of light came from outside the window and it was perfect, both of them basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking and finally taking their relationship to the next level. She tilted her head that was resting on his chest up to look at him and took in the perfect features that made up his face—his blue eyes, his sharp nose, his chiseled jaw and of course, those delicious lips that always seemed to be formed into a smirk. A smirk that she was becoming too fond of. He seemed deep in thought about something and she became more curious by the second at what was running through his mind.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, still absently running her fingers on his chest.

He tugged her closer and brought his head down to look at her. "I was just thinking that you were wrong." She narrowed her brows, confused.

"Huh?"

"When you said I was perfect. You were wrong," he clarified. "I'm not perfect." She remained quiet, waiting for him to continue and tell her something that was clearly weighing on his mind. "I'm the furthest thing from perfect."

"What's on your mind Jay? Let me in." He had begged her to let him in earlier and she did. And now it was his turn to let her in and let her see parts of him that he didn't like about himself and let her prove to him that she'd love him anyway.

"I never told you why I quit being a police."

"I thought it was because your mom died?"

"Yeah. That was only a part of it." She brought her head up more, interested in hearing the whole story of why he stopped and quit a job that he obviously loved. What had caused him to walk away from his dream for years. "When my mom passed, I was a mess. I was drinking a lot, trying to numb myself from the pain, trying to do anything to forget about not having her anymore. And I started slipping at my job. Antonio tried to cover for me but there was only so much he could do. The one day, me and Tony went out on this call, this jogger found a body in the park. We get there and I remember pulling the bush that was covering the body away and I see this young boy on the ground, dead. And I didn't need to see his face to know that I knew him. I knew who he was." She gasped softly at his revelation.

"Who was he?"

He swallowed, lost in his memories. "It was Ben Corson, Ally's brother." Her eyes widened at that. "And I lost it because all I saw at that moment was him always being around when I was with Ally. He was always coming into the room whenever Ally and I were fooling around but there he was, dead on the ground in a public park."

"What happened to him?"

"He was killed by a pedophile," he replied. "Lonnie Rodiger," he gritted the name out, his hand forming into a tight fist. She reached out and kissed the fist, slowly releasing the tight clench. "I knew who had done it right away because I remembered him always lurking around in the background around the Corsons, always creeping around Ben. Of course, no one thought that he would go that far and murder a 8 year old but he did."

She rested her hand on his chest, over his heart and felt the rapid beat underneath her palm. "Did you catch him?"

He shook his head. "I went crazy with rage so I just stormed off, ready to arrest the bastard. He denied being the murderer of course and his dad vouched for him, gave him a fake alibi and I just saw red. I punched him and I did it again and again until Antonio finally pulled me back but by then it was too late. I fucked up the case already. His dad threatened to sue the City and the City didn't want to lose the suit and millions of dollar in retribution so they settled, them dropping the charge in exchange for Lonnie walking away, unscathed. I was disgusted, not only at myself for snapping and fucking up and giving a pedophile his freedom but at the City for giving in, even though they knew they had him dead to right for Ben's murder. My Sergeant told me to take some time off, get my shit in order but there was no way I was going back after that so I quit on the spot, turned in my badge and went ballistic on him."

"Jay," she didn't know what to say so she could only say his name, wanting to bring him some sort of comfort. She laid a soft kiss on his chest, hoping that it would help him even just a little. He brought his hand up to run his fingers through her hair. "What happened to Lonnie? Is he still out free?"

He shook his head. "I couldn't stop obsessing over it so I kept an eye on him. I even hired this P.I outside, Jin to keep a tail on him because I knew that Lonnie wasn't done. He was sick and it was only a matter of time before he struck again and this time, I'd be ready for him. I wasn't going to let what happened to Ben happen to anyone else. Jin called me one day and told me that Lonnie had bought a tent and rope and duct tape and I just knew that he was going to kill another boy and I couldn't let him get away with it, not again."

"So what did you do?"

"I told Antonio about it and I tailed Lonnie and there he was, in the secluded park with his next victim. I remember this boy tied up with Lonnie hovering over him like the predator he was and I knew that if I still had my gun, I would've shot him right then and there. He saw me and tried to run and I chased after him and we got into a fight. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands and I was so close. So close," he paused, taking a deep breath to get himself under control. "But I stopped myself, knowing I couldn't let him go free again. I needed to bring justice for the Corsons and the family of that boy. That was when Antonio arrived and took him into custody. He's um, he's serving life without parole over at Statesville. But even after that, I couldn't go back to being a cop. Not until you came along."

"That's good Jay. That sounds like justice."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "Ben is still dead and there was nothing I could've done to bring him back. Not to mention, I almost let Lonnie get away with his murder."

"But you didn't," Erin immediately refuted, pressing her hand that was on his chest to emphasize her point. "You got justice for Ben. And it wasn't your fault that you couldn't stop Lonnie. You didn't know."

"I did thought," he retorted, squeezing his eyes shut. "I knew that there was something off about Lonnie. I should've done something but instead I was busy drowning myself in the bottle, feeling sorry for myself. Maybe if I had gotten my head out of my ass then I could've stopped Lonnie and save Ben before it was too late. It was my fault."

Erin shook her head vehemently, sitting up. "It wasn't!" There was no way she'd let him blame himself for something that wasn't his fault. "There was no way you could've known what Lonnie was going to do to Ben. You're not a mind reader Jay. There's no way you could've known." She cupped his face, turning his head so she could look at him and hold his gaze. "It wasn't your fault." She reiterated, knowing that he needed to hear it.

He didn't say anything, just held her gaze so she continued. "You did everything you could to bring Lonnie to justice."

"I almost let him walk away scot-free."

"But you didn't," she retorted. "You didn't. You kept on it and you got him. And your reaction towards Lonnie, it's completely understandable. I know I'd probably react the same if I was in your shoes and it was someone that I cared about that was murdered. Don't blame yourself for it." She leaned forward and captured his lips, pouring all the love and reassurance she could into the kiss. "It wasn't your fault," she repeated. She'd repeat those four words a million times if it was what it took for him to start believing it too. He gave her a small smile and kissed her again. She smiled and brushed his jaw with her fingers.

"Now you know something ugly about me. Something that I'm not proud of from my past. I told you I'm not perfect."

She softened even more and kissed him again. "You're wrong," she gave him a soft smile, brushing his jaw with her fingers. "You're still pretty perfect to me."

The light that was gone from his eyes while he was telling her the story slowly made its way back. "You're pretty damn perfect to me too," he told her, a smile forming on his face before she straddled him and deepening the kiss, both of them ready to show each other just how perfect they were for each other again.


"Ta-da!" he announced as he scooped the scrambled egg from the pan onto a plate. "Here you go!"

She reached over to grab the plate from him from where she was sitting on top of the island, her bare legs swinging while his button down shirt that fitted him like a glove but was oversized on her and hung off her shoulder. He leaned forward so she could get a hold of the plate and stopped to land a peck on her lips also. She hummed contently.

"Thank you." She took a bit of the eggs, giving a soft hum of approval. "Hmm, not bad."

He turned around from the stove to toss her a grin over his shoulders. "Told you I could cook."

She laughed. "Yeah, you made edible eggs. I think your cooking skills could now be deemed passable as a 12 year old," she snarked, earning a glare from him. He turned off the stove and approached her, a fake pout on his lips.

"And here I was thinking that I was going to make you some bacon too but now you can forget that. That's for making fun of my cooking skills."

She pouted, giving him the puppy dog eyes. "Hey," she whined. "Not fair! I said the eggs weren't bad. That's a compliment in my books."

"Uh huh," he stood in between her legs that hung off the island and leaned into kiss her properly. "Too late. The bacon ship has sailed." He caught the pout that was about to form on her face with his lips again, his hand coming around her waist to hold her to him. She brought her hand up to his shoulder like she was pushing back against the force of his kiss but she granted him access to her mouth just as easily, letting his tongue enter and deepened the kiss. She swirled her tongue against his before gently sucking on it, Jay groaning at her action. She smirked to herself, taking his face in her hands and bringing him closer as she nibbled his lips. Just as when he was about to take things further, she pushed him away, leaving him hanging with his mouth opened.

"Wha..what?" he stammered, Erin laughing at his reaction. She smirked, giving him a wink.

"That's for denying me bacon," she teased, his mouth still hanging open. He quickly recovered though, a glint forming in his eyes as he leaned closer to her and started peppering her face and neck with kisses, causing her to shriek in loud laughter, his kisses tickling Erin.

"Okay okay, I give up!" she quickly surrender, unable to handle the ticklish actions any longer and she pushed him away with her palm slightly, her face red with joyful tiredness. He tossed her a smug smirk and leaned into properly kiss her. "You're evil," she wrinkled her nose in fake anger before he chuckled and kissed her again.

It was turning out a great morning, both of them just enjoying each other and the new intimacy in their relationship. Now they were free to touch and kiss each other whenever they wanted and that was a great new development if Erin had anything to say about it. She didn't think she'd ever get enough of seeing Jay only in his boxer first thing in the morning, hair mussed up and lips waiting to be kissed. She giggled when he settled for landing a couple of pecks on her cheeks, her head turning to the side to give him more access. Her eyes landed on the envelope that was sitting on the island a few feet away and she reached for it and pulled the papers out again. Jay stilled when he saw what she had in her hands and he sucked in his breath, like she was about to drop a bomb on him and tell him that she changed her mind about them.

She rested one of her hand on his chest to quell the fear in his eyes. "I still can't believe that you actually got this done," she voiced. "That you were willing to walk away because you thought that's what I wanted."

He gave her a small grin, his hand reaching to brush away the strands of hair that fallen on her face. "If it was going to make you happy, yeah I was. No matter how much I didn't want to." His other hand was on her bare thigh, pressing small circles on the soft flesh. "I only care about your happiness."

She nodded, completely believing his words. She pushed him away slightly so she could get off of the island and stood up. His curious eyes followed her as she walked over to the stove and turned on a burner. "This is what I want to do," she said, turning around and holding the divorce papers over the open flame until the corner started to burn, destroying the papers little by little. He smiled at the act and came next to her, reaching for the burning papers and placing it in the sink until the whole sheet burned away, leaving nothing but ashes and he turned on the faucet, letting the last remnants wash down the drain. She stood on her tippy toe and kissed his cheeks.

He turned his body to her, his hands automatically wrapping around her waist. "Now I know something else we could set on fire," he drawled suggestively and his hand made quick work at pulling her shirt off. Their lips fused together in a heated kiss and he slowly backed her to the island and cupped her ass and lifted her up to the counter. Then his mouth was leaving everywhere he could on her naked chest, his fingers working on her thighs and trailing further up by the second. She was losing all rational thoughts by the seconds. "Bedroom," she managed to breathe out, expecting Jay to carry her off to his room again.

But his hands didn't move from her thighs. "I can't wait," he murmured, managing to pull his lips away from her skin for a second. "I need you right here. Right now." She needed him just as much as he did so when he laid her down on the kitchen island, she could only let her lust-filled eyes lingered on his body as he quickly undressed himself. He bent his head and laid torturous and sinful kisses on her thighs, moving closer and closer to just where she needed his lips the most. She waited with hitched breath as he parted the lips with his fingers before finally and mercifully bringing his mouth down. Her back arched in untamed pleasure as he delved his tongue in, her mind dizzying at how good it felt to have his head between her legs. She bit her lips, trying to keep herself from screaming out as he continued his actions. She practically mewled when he flicked his tongue, causing her to go out of her mind. The last coherent thought she had before he brought her to ultimate heights with just his tongue was that out of all the memories that she and Jay had made at this kitchen island, this one was definitely her favorite yet.


"I can't believe you," Jay scoffed, almost sounding affronted. Erin just shrugged, finding herself amused at his reaction at her answer.

"What?" she protested. "It's a perfectly acceptable answer."

He wrinkled his nose like he was disgusted. "I can't believe you prefer the inferior strawberry jelly with your PB&J." Erin laughed, seeing such a visceral reaction from him. This had been the latest thing in their relationship. After they had tired each other out with mindblowing sex, they'd lay awake in Jay's bed—really now theirs considering Erin had been sleeping in here for the past two weeks ever since their first time—and asked and answered each other's questions. And the questions varied every time, ranging from something serious like their childhood and the weight they each carried about their past to something silly like this—which kind of jelly they each preferred. Erin had been adamant about strawberry jelly and that was something Jay obviously found offensive.

"Okay then you tell me," Erin spoke into his chest. "What kind of jelly do you prefer?"

He scoffed. "Obviously the only answer here is grape. The superior one." He sounded so serious about his preference that Erin couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, I concede," she relented, Jay grinning smugly at her words. He bent down to lay a kiss on top of her head, smiling into her hair.

"Tell me something else," he urged. "Like what did you always want as a kid?"

She pursed her lips, thinking her answer over. She turned her body to his and brought one of her leg over him and wrapping her arm around his waist. "Hmm, I've always wanted a little brother or sister growing up," she replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah," she let out a small chuckle. "Everyone I know around me that had siblings hated it but I don't know," she shrugged. "I just always thought it'd be fun to have someone around always. Someone to play with and just be around so I wasn't by myself." She felt him tense at her reply and she almost chided herself, not wanting to bring down the easy atmosphere they had going with another sad tale of her childhood so she changed the subject and directed the attention to him. "Were you and Will close growing up?"

He was running his finger on her arms, thinking over his answer. "Yeah, we were," he finally answered. "We used to really close, growing up. Terrible twos as my aunt always called us because we were always running around and causing troubles," he chuckled at recalling his childhood with Will.

"You guys still look pretty close today." From what she had observed about him and Will, it was obvious that the two brothers loved each other and cared about each other deeply. Maybe they weren't as close of a friends as they were when they were children but there was still a bond that ran deep between the two.

"I don't know about that," Jay said, almost sounding sad. "Sometimes I think Will hates me." Erin frowned at his words.

"What? Why do you think that?"

Jay sighed. "Will always wanted to be a doctor since we were kids. While I didn't know what I wanted to do, he always knew what he wanted. But he gave up that dream and followed the path our dad set up for him, for both of us. He went to Brown, got his business degree and soon enough, he was working for our dad, preparing to take over the company." He paused, licking his lips. "And I'm pretty sure he did it so I could follow my dream of becoming a cop."

"What do you mean?"

"He knew that our dad wouldn't let things go unless one of us was going to take over the company and Will thought that since he was older, it was his job. That it was his duty to sacrifice his dream and do what my dad wanted him to do so I can do what I want to do. And sometimes, I feel guilty knowing that even with all that he sacrificed, in the end it was all for nothing because I quit being a cop. He gave up his dreams for nothing."

Erin laid a soft kiss on his jaw, running her thumb on it. "I don't really know the inner workings of Will's mind but even I can tell that he doesn't hate you. He's protective of you and it's clear to everyone that he loves you. That you two love each other." He leaned down to look at her and she gave him a reassuring smile. "Even if what you said about him sacrificing his dream is true, it was his decision Jay. Because he believes in you. And I know that when you pass your detective exam and become a detective and get in Intelligence, he's going to be so proud of you."

"I love you, you know?" She nodded, answering his question.

"I know."


It was finally the last party of the Holidays season and despite Erin wanting to attend at all costs, she knew she couldn't avoid going. Jay had assured her that it was the final party for the next couple of months so she just sucked it up and put on yet another dress that Jay had bought her, ready to glue a fake smile on her face for the night and just prayed that she survived one more party.

This one was taking place at Mouse's mansion again and that was good news to Erin. She knew Mouse, she liked Mouse from the couple of times she had met him. He had always been nice to her and she tried to not let the voice in the back of her head whispering to her that she'd thought the same of Will before finding out just how he really thought of her taint her view of Jay's best friend.

She and Jay made the rounds at the party, everyone just tossing one fake smile after another at each other. But Jay's arms around her waist was helping make the evening more bearable. He was her steady force as she faked her way through the crowd, letting the whispers and looks that were directed at her rolled off her back. Jay seemed oblivious to them all, not caring about what anyone else thought or were saying about the two of them. Instead his attention seemed to be focused on her only, his eyes glazing over at seeing the strapless dress she had on, whispering in her ears about how he couldn't wait to pull it off of her later. She just blushed, giving him a light smack on the chest before letting him capture her mouth in a kiss. He grinned at her as she pushed him away, directing his lips to her forehead instead, landing a kiss on it.

"Hey," Mouse approached them again, face red indicating that he clearly had a couple of drinks in him already. "I need to borrow this guy," he slurred, wrapping his arm around Jay. Jay rolled his eyes at his friend, pulling away. "Come on man, Hollingsworth is here and I need you to back me up that we really did took my dad's Ferrari for a joyride when we were in middle school and took it out for a spin."

"It's okay," Erin cut in, waving Jay to go. But he stood still, not wanting to leave her. She knew that he was worried about her being left alone, considering what had happened at the last party. But she reassured him with a smile. "I'll be okay Jay," she said. "I'll just be in the garden. Go." That was all the encouragement Mouse needed and he dragged Jay away, who turned his head back to send Erin an apologetic look. But she waved him off, chuckling. She really was fine with him being with his friend, she'd be fine on her own.

She exited the party and headed out to the garden just like she told Jay. When she was here last time, she didn't really get a chance to look at the garden as Jay dragged her to the pond for ice-skating. But from the small glimpse she did get told her that the garden was beautiful and she wanted a closer look. She wrapped her coat tighter around her as she entered the large area, snow covering the otherwise colorful flowers that she was sure would be blooming in Springtime. But whatever plants that had survived the harsh winter of Chicago made up enough beauty for Erin to enjoy and she headed for the bench she saw hidden behind a huge bush.

She stopped suddenly in her tracks when she rounded the corner and saw Will already there, sitting on the same bench. "Oh," she stuttered, not really knowing how to react around Will now. But he smiled at her and she returned a smile, not wanting to be rude.

"Hiding from the party too?" he quipped. She just laughed, wanting to be polite. "Here," he patted on the empty space next to him. "I have plenty of space here." She sat down next to him, feeling the awkward tension in the air.

"You?" she asked. "Hiding out here from the party?"

"More like my date," he replied.

"Yeah, I saw that you brought someone else and not Natalie," Erin almost regretting her question when she saw Will's face quickly dropped at the mention of Natalie's name. "Sorry."

He shook his head. "It's okay. It's my fault so I have no one to blame by myself." She would have asked him what happened but she didn't feel right, not really close to him. "Hey, are we okay?" She looked surprised at his blunt question.

She just gave him a small nod. "Sure." But his eyes looked at her like he knew she was lying.

"So I noticed you and Jay earlier," he said, changing the subject. "You guys are together aren't you?"

She didn't know how to answer but she opted for the truth, knowing that Will was going to find out sooner or later anyway. "Yeah, we are." She didn't know what she was expecting to see as his reaction but it sure wasn't a genuine smile that he gave her.

"I'm happy for you." She guessed the look of surprise was clear on her face. "Why do you look so surprised?" he questioned her.

"Um," she shook herself out of the stupor. She pursed her mouth, deciding to go the blunt route. "Will, you don't need to put on this act."

"What act?" he sounded genuinely confused.

"This act. The whole pretending that you're okay with me and Jay actually being together." She sighed. "I know what you really think of me Will." He frowned, still confused so she elaborated. "I overheard you two talking last week and I know that you think that we don't fit together and that I'm not for him."

She had to give him credit because he actually looked genuinely ashamed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I was stupid and honestly Erin, I don't think that of you. What I said to Jay, it came out wrong and I was wrong. Because the truth is I've never seen him happier than he is when he's with you. I mean, you're the one that got him to change his mind to take the detective exam."

"I didn't really do anything. I just encouraged him to change his mind."

"That's what he needed," Will replied. "I used to be one that could convince him but not anymore."

"He told me that you two used to be pretty close. What happened?"

Will looked down sadly. "I'm afraid Jay doesn't like me for giving into our dad's demands. He probably thinks I'm a coward for giving in and just taking the easy way out." She was surprised at his answer. All this time, Jay and Will thought the other hated them. The two fools.

"That's what you think he thinks of you?" Will nodded. "No Will, he doesn't."

"I would," Will replied. "Look at me. I am a coward. I took over the family company because it was easier than fighting with my father. I broke up with Natalie, the first woman that I could actually see myself falling in love with, because it was easier to just date someone I'm used to. If that's not being a coward, I don't know what is."

"You're not a coward," Erin tried again, trying to cheer Will up. "Seriously though, you and Jay need to talk because you guys have your wires crossed. But I promise you, that's not what Jay thinks of you."

He gave her a small nod. "You know I'm pretty jealous of Jay and how he goes for everything he wants." He reached out to hold her hand. "You're good for him Erin. I mean it. I've never seen him happier than I saw him tonight because he was with you." She knew that it was Will extending out an olive branch between them, trying to apologize for his words. She placed her hand over his, smiling at him, letting him know without words that she accepted the branch he was offering and that things were okay between them.


Jay was sure he was more nervous than Erin was at the moment. The day had finally arrived and Erin was off, taking her G.E.D test. Meanwhile, Jay was practically bouncing off of his feet in his office, checking his phone every couple of minutes while he waited for a text from her on whether or not she passed.

"You're going to put a dent on the floor if you don't stop," Will warned, noticing Jay's strange behavior. "Just relax."

"I can't!" Jay retorted, rubbing his jaw.

"You know she's going to do good on the test so stop worrying."

"I know. Erin's going to kill it but still," he clasped his hands together and rested them on his desk. "I just want everything to go well for her. This is so important to her and she worked so hard on it and I just want her to get everything she wants." He checked his phone again, not getting a reply. "You know what? I can't stand this." He stood up and grabbed his jacket.

"Where are you going?" Will questioned, his head turning around to watch Jay.

"I can't stand being here," Jay replied, putting on his jacket. "I'm going to go wait for her at the testing center."


Jay paced back and forth outside the testing center as he waited for Erin to come out. Despite knowing that Erin was ready for ace the test, he was still nervous. He was sure he was more nervous for this than he'd be when he'd finally take his detective exam. He checked his watch again, knowing that Erin had completed the exam a couple of hours ago already and was probably waiting for her result inside.

The doors finally opened and people began pouring out, some with happy smiles while other looked dejected. His eyes searched for Erin in the crowd and immediately spotting her, not really able to see her expression clearly. But as soon as Erin spotted him, she took off running, his arms already stretching out wide open ready. The wide happy smile on her face told him the results already, his own face splitting into an equally wide smile. When she finally reached him, she jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around him as she buried her face into neck.

"I passed!" she mumbled into his neck, sounding so happy. He squeezed her tighter to him, peppering kisses all over her face.

"I knew you would!" he told her, Erin bending down to kiss him, bringing her arms around his neck. "Congratulations baby!" He told her genuinely as she pulled away, a huge smile still glued to her face. "Now, we have to celebrate. Are you ready for the best steak Chicago has to offer?"


He couldn't get over how beautiful she looked as she sat across from him in the restaurant, the candle light giving her a soft glow making her even more beautiful. He brought her hands up to his mouth and laid a kiss on it. "I love you," he told her. Ever since he first said it, he couldn't say it enough. She smiled, showing her dimples, returning his sentiments. "Now how does this rate among your first date?"

Her smile faltered slightly at his question. "I umm," she looked down. "I actually never had a first date." His eyes widened at her confession, completely surprised.

"Never?" She shook her head.

"I don't know," she shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "First date weren't really a thing in my life. Neither was dating really."

"How is that possible?" He was utterly shocked. "Look at you. How could any guy not see you and just want to date you?"

She chuckled. "You know how I was growing up and after I finally managed to pull myself together, I don't know," she shrugged again. "Dating was never a priority for me at that point in my life."

"Have you ever thought about it?"

"You mean about how it'd be to have a guy that I like actually court me, take me out on a romantic date and we'd have the best date ever and fall in love? Sure." She intertwined their fingers together. "I'd imagine it a lot like this actually. You're the perfect first date."

He smiled, softly caressing her fingers. "Courting?" he teased. "Erin Lindsay is a romantic? Who knew?"

"Now you do. And you better not let my secret out Halstead," she sent him a fake glare but her mouth was too busy smiling to have any real effect. "I have a reputation to protect."

"Your secret is safe with me," he promised. "Besides I like knowing that I'm the only one that know this side of you." He leaned in. "And I promise you Erin, I'm going to give you everything you deserve. All the things you should've had."

"You already have Jay."


He was right in thinking that he was more nervous about Erin's test than his own. His own detective exam came and went quietly and now he had about a week before the results would come in. Surprisingly, Will had been supportive of him taking the exam even if it meant that Jay would be leaving Halstead Enterprises should he pass the exam.

"You nervous for the result?" Jay just shrugged, hiding his nerves inside. "You know the case is going to close pretty soon. I heard from the lawyer that there's a good chance that the judge is going to drop the charges."

"That's good news right?"

Will nodded, staring at Jay. "And six months is almost up." Jay's head snapped up at Will's words. "Have you thought about what you are going to do when the six months is up and the agreement between you and Erin ends?"

"Of course," Jay replied, not elaborating further, Will shot him an exasperated look, waiting for him to continue. Jay didn't say anything just yet. Instead he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a jewelry box and placed it on the desk, opened to reveal an engagement ring inside it.

"Erin already has a ring," Will said, referring to the ring Erin wore so people wouldn't ask too many questions. Jay shook his head.

"I'm going to ask Erin to marry me again," Jay explained, his face forming into a smile. "For real this time. We're not going to get a divorce and it would be like a vow renewal. I want to give her a real wedding ceremony, a real ring that shows her just how much I love her. I want us to stand at the altar and share vows with each other. I want to make everything real and legitimate between the two of us."

Will remained quiet for a second before he grinned, pulling Jay into a hug. "Congratulations man!" He patted Jay's back, catching him off guard.

"I got to say Will, I'm surprised," Jay confessed. "I thought from our earlier conversation, you'd object or something."

Will shook his head. "No I won't. Not anymore." His voice became small as he continued. "I've learned something from my relationship with Natalie. One is that I'm miserable without her and two is that there's nothing more important than happiness and I know Erin makes you happy and that's all that matters to me. So I wish you two nothing but happiness." Jay nodded, touched by Will's sentiments and he pulled his brother into another hug, holding onto him tighter this time.

"Thanks man," Jay returned, feeling close to Will for the first time in a long time.


"This is it!" Jay stated proudly as Erin followed his lead into the 21st district. She looked around the police station, giving Jay an impressive look more for his sake than anything. It just looked like a regular police station to Erin but she knew to Jay, this was his dream place. This was where the Intelligence unit was and that was the unit that Jay had always dreamt about getting it. So if it was important to Jay, it was important to Erin.

"You're going to get in Jay," she said, wrapping her arms around him and smiling up at him. "I just know it." They were going to be getting his results tomorrow and she was both excited and nervous for him. Antonio had been talking him up to his Sergeant, trying to talk him into giving Jay a shot and from what Antonio had relayed to them, his efforts were working. So Jay had excitedly brought her here so Antonio could show Jay around, Jay's potential future work place.

"Jay!" Antonio greeted happily as he came down the steps, bringing Jay into a hug. "You excited man?"

"Yeah," Jay breathed out. "I mean I don't even know if I'm even passing the test."

"You will!" Both Erin and Antonio reassured him at the same time.

"Come on man," Antonio patted Jay's arm. "Let's start the tour." She waved them goodbye as Antonio took Jay to the back. She sighed happily as she took a seat on the bench nearby.

"Erin Lindsay?" Erin's attention was caught by an older man who came down the same steps Antonio came down from. Her eyes widening when she realized who it was.

"Office Voight," she gasped, pulling the older man into a hug. He had been the officer on duty when she was taken to the hospital, not to mention he had been the one who swooped in from getting her booked and charged with solicitation when she got pinched. She owed a lot to this man. "I guess I should call you Sergeant Voight now?" He laughed.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned, almost worriedly like she was in trouble. But she smiled, reassuring him that she wasn't in any sort of trouble.

"I'm just here to accompany my husband." He looked surprised at that.

"You're married?"

"Don't sound so surprised," she teased.

"I'm happy for you. So when am I going to meet this husband? He's not in trouble is he?" She shook her head.

"Serg," Antonio interrupted them, he and Jay returning from their short tour. "This is Jay Halstead, the guy I've been talking up about." Jay shook Voight's hands.

"Sir," he greeted, his eyes darting between Voight and Erin, noticing the familiarity between the two. "You know each other?"

Erin nodded, standing next to Jay. "Sergeant Voight, this is my husband." It was safe to say Voight's eyes nearly bulged out of his eye socket at Erin's introduction.

"This is your husband?" There was a strange tone to his voice. Erin nodded, smiling. He studied the two spouses with his eyes, not saying anything more. Antonio broke the interaction by patting Jay's shoulder.

"Come on man, I'm going to show you upstairs and see where the work really goes down." Jay nodded, turning to Voight and holding his hand out.

"Sir," Jay started. "I just wanted to say that I can't wait to be a detective. It means a lot to me and if I am lucky enough to be in your unit, I promise you I'm going to be the best detective you got." Voight shook his hands but didn't say anything, just nodding. Jay turned to follow Antonio who was already waiting for him a couple of steps ahead, Jay turning to give Erin a wave. Erin smiled seeing at how excited he looked. She turned back to Voight, her smile falling at seeing the look on his face.

"Erin, we need to talk."


That night, Jay held her in his arms, drawing soft patterns on them. They had just made love but he had noticed her acting strange all night and he was getting worried, wondering what was going through her head. He kissed her temple and tilted her head up so he could look at her. It was like she could read the worry in his eyes and she gave him a soft smile.

"I love you so much," she voiced, a strange lilt to her voice. One that he couldn't decipher. "You are the best person I ever known and you are going to make the best detective."

"Are you okay?" he asked her, kissing her fingers. She was worrying him but she nodded, giving him a smile. Instead of answering his question, she straddled him and kissed him deeply.

"Make love to me again Jay," she whispered against his lips. "Make me remember this night forever." He couldn't refuse her request so he kissed her again, ready to fulfill her wish and show her just how much he loved her. And when she came, she kissed 'I love you's' into his skin like she was trying to sear her confession into him forever.


He was like a giddy child as he entered their penthouse, the unabashed happiness on his face.

"Erin!" he called out, ready to share the good news with her. He had gotten the results back of his test and he was officially a detective as of today. He had reached his goal and he owed it all to her. He knew that without her encouragement and them studying together, he wouldn't be able to do this. "Erin!" They needed to celebrate. He hoped she was ready to cook him his favorite, her spaghetti.

But he didn't get a reply. He frowned, wondering if she was out but she didn't tell him that she had any plans to be out and she knew that he'd be getting the results today so he knew she was waiting for him. He made his way to his bedroom, thinking she'd be in there but the room remained empty. But what had caught his attention was the piece of paper on top of the yellow envelope. A feeling of dread made its way into his chest as he walked closer and picked up the paper, like he almost knew what was going to be written on it. But he felt his heart break the same when he read the words over and over, unwilling to believe the words that were on the page, in Erin's handwriting.

Jay, I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. I can't stay. I know you're going to make a great detective. Please be happy.-Erin

He didn't need to walk into the closet to know that all of her things were gone. He felt tears made their way into his eyes as his shaking hand opened up the envelope. He broke down, crumbled to the floor, clutching the signed divorce papers in his hands.